The New Orleans bench: Astute readers of this site know that I've had a hairy eyeball on the Hornets' reserves for most of the season, particularly after Jeff Bower "strengthened" the team's bench by trading away Bobby Jackson for Pit Bull and The Bonz. Which, honestly, should have been enough to disqualify Bower from NBA Executive of the Year voting, not a reason for him to finish third.

As the risk of going all Basketball 101 here, the lack of solid and reliable bench play will wear a team down over the course of a long season and extended playoff series (for further reading, see the 1984-85, 1986-87 and 1987-88 Boston Celtics). Because that means the coach is basically asking his starters to log all the big minutes, play great (or at least solid) defense with little rest, withstand various and sundry injuries without time off, carry the rebounding load, and score 80-90 points a game every game for 80-100 games. It's an impossible task, even for the young.

Gregg Popovich knows that, which is why none of his big guns average more than 34 minutes a game. And it doesn't hurt that they play at a pace that's a little easier on the feet, knees, legs and back than what the helter-skelter Suns and Hornets go through. Of course, it helps that he has multiple championships on his resume, which means the Spurs management and owners trust him when he sacrifices some regular season games here or there to save his team from unnecessary wear and tear.

And just check it: Chris Paul played 47 minutes. David West logged 46. Peja was in the game for 44. And Tyson Chandler played 42. Take away Jannero Pargo -- more on him below -- and the New Orleans reserves contributed 1 point (0-for-3), 1 rebound, 1 steal and 2 fouls in nine minutes. Greg Kite could have gotten more done in nine minutes. I mean, at least he would have finished with 6 fouls and probably a couple turnovers.

Fun fact: Bonzi's real name is Gawen Deangelo Wells. The nickname Bonzi originated from the cravings his mother had for ice cream bonbons during her pregnancy with him. (Apparently, he inherited those cravings.) His parents called him "bonbon" until the age of two, when it evolved to what it is today.

The New Orleans Starters: The Hornets were giving me 2001-02 Sacramento Kings flashbacks last night, and it wasn't just the presence of Peja Stojackovic (although he really, really helped). Whether it was fatigue or nerves -- or some combination of the two -- New Orleans' "Fantastic Four" looked like they were afraid of the ball in the fourth quarter.

Peja -- who's been a non-factor since Popovich unleashed Bruce Bowen on him -- shot 3-for-11 from the field and 1-for-5 from downtown, and he even airballed an open three down the stretch. David West finished with 20 and 9, but he boned an open 12-footer, and it was hard to tell whether it was because of a sore back or a tight scrotum. Chris Paul (18 points, 8 rebounds, 14 assists, 5 steals) had an outstanding game, but even he caught a case of don'twannashoottheballitis in the final four minutes or so. And as for Tyson Chandler, well, he's not exactly an offensive option, is he?

Jannero Pargo: Pargs was the only New Orleans player who didn't treat the rock like a hot potato in the fourth quarter. And he went off for 16 points in the final stanza, single-handedly leading the Hornets back from 17 down to within three points. But damn, Jannero...you weren't even letting the ground touch the ball, dog. He was jackin' from the left to the right to the left to the right again. He was not shy. He put up 13 shots in those fateful 12 minutes. And like Ryne from Odenized, I'm not sure whether he was the hero or the goat.


I guess it's like Obi-Wan Kenobi told Luke after Yoda kicked it: Either could be true, depending on your point of view. Which was a pretty slick way of getting out of totally lying to Luke about his father. I've always thought Obi-Wan used the Jedi Mind Trick on Luke in that scene. I mean, it went from "But you told me Vadar betrayed and murdered my father!" to "What I told you was true...from a certain point of view." And Luke just bought it.

Chistastrophe: I don't know who he is, but since he left the following comment, I will let him be the official representative of overreactive Spurs fans everywhere. "I eagerly await whatever bullshit response Basketbawful has for the Spurs resounding victory tonight. Perhaps the Spurs employed some special kind of flop that allows their bench players to drain three pointers. Maybe they flopped so hard it forced CP3 to choke in the biggest game of his life. Or maybe, just maybe, the Spurs are really really good at playing basketball."

Thanks, Chistastrophe, because I myself eagerly await douchey comments from every angry spaz who gets all bent out of shape by one or two posts I make and then freaks out about it. But before the next time you start whining and crying bullshit, do me a favor: Go back and actually read what I have to say. The entire Basketbawful archive is here for your perusal. You show me where, exactly, I ever said the Spurs weren't a good basketball team. Have I ever, anywhere, at any time, ever seriously suggested that the Spurs won four championships through their flop-a-riffic adventures and cheap-shottery? Of course I didn't. You're insane if you think otherwise, and you've got nothing to go on other than your own righteous indignation.

You can't change the fact that, in a league full of floppers, the Spurs are the most flop-tastic. Nor can you change the fact that Tony Parker got outted by his own wife for faking injuries on the court to get calls. You can't pretend the Duncan face doesn't happen over and over and over again every game the Spurs play. Nor can you undo Cheap Shot Rob's thuggary or Bruce Bowen's long, long history of grabbing, elbowing, hitting, kneeing, wacking people in the groin, putting his foot under their feet when they come down from a jump shot, and a thousand other little things that would get his bony ass kicked seven ways to Sunday if it happened anywhere other than on a professional basketball court...where Bruce "Lee" Bowen is protected by the very rules he repeatedly violates.

So honestly, don't blame me for pointing out what's going on right in front of you. I didn't create all that ugliness; I just held a mirror up to it. When Gregg Popovich goes to the Hack-A-Whoever strategy -- which I see as an affront to the sport -- I'm going to point it out. When the Spurs use an array of flops to draw five iffy fouls in three minutes and get the opposing team's two best players in foul trouble in the playoffs where physical play is the rule rather than the exception, I'm going to point it out. When one of their players launches himself directly into the back of an injured player during a 20-point blowout, I'm going to point it out.

Here's the thing: It's not like I'm not making this stuff up. This isn't me saying, "You know how I know the Spurs are gay? Because Robert Horry still has Will Smith's haircut from 1989." These things have happened. It's out there for public consumption. Everybody sees it. Everybody knows about it. No, it doesn't mean that the Spurs don't play smart, fundamental, championship-winning basketball, nor does it change the fact that they are the model any and every team should emulate. But no matter how hard you and other Spurs fans try to rewrite history, all that other stuff is just as much a part of their legacy as all the hardware in their trophy case.

So please, stop ragging on me for pointing that out and ask yourself why you think it's all okay? If winning at any cost is cool with you, then fine. As a fan, that's your choice to make. But if that is, in fact, the case, I can't help but wonder why me shining a flashlight on all the dirty stuff bothers you so much.

Random note: Those of you who claim I never say anything positive about the Spurs or their winning ways obviously didn't ready today's NBA Closer column.

Damon Stoudamire: Anybody else notice he's not even on the Spurs game roster since Game 5?

Update! Charles Barkley: In an effort to get things back on their usual funny track, loyal reader Wild Yams reminded me of something I should have remembered on my own. "I meant to mention earlier that Charles Barkley probably shoulda been included in the WotN for a couple things last night. First for his very unintentionally funny bit with EJ about his gambling. Not only was it just really weird to see those two all alone on the set trying to have a serious moment (especially with Barkley's glaringly white sneakers and socks to go with his suit), but Barkley said he was never going to gamble again, which he immediately clarified to mean 'in the next year or two.' That was priceless, and so was EJ trying to bait him into breaking it by saying 'wanna bet?' Inside the NBA is the wrong place for serious talk like that from the Chuckster, I'm afraid.

"Chuck's second big gaffe was saying that this Laker team is the best one Kobe's ever been on, although him saying that was totally worth it for Webber's fantastic reaction of wanting to walk off the set in disbelief. I love how Barkley shoots from the hip like that and doesn't think through the things he's about to say (see above), because every now and then he'll let fly with a Bill Walton-esque bit of hyperbole like that. God bless Barkley."

Right you are, Mr. Yams. Right you are. Although I'd probably say that Chuck shoots from the lip rather than the hip, but potato, tomato, as Joy Turner might say. Here's his "apology" for gambling:


And here's where he slams his giant, club foot in his mouth about Kobe's "best team":

Labels: bench play, Bruce Bowen, Chris Paul, David West, flopping, New Orleans Hornets, Peja Stojakovic, Robert Horry, San Antonio Spurs, Worst of the Night

Robert Horry: The more things change, the more they don't. Around this time last year, Cheap Shot Rob thugged Steve Nash and set off a chain of events that will haunt the Phoenix Suns franchise forever. Now, did Horry know that Amare Stoudemire and Boris Diaw were going to jump off the Suns bench to see what happened to their fallen teammate? Of course not. But Horry did know that he was delivering a much-harder-than-necessary foul after the outcome of the game had already been decided. The only point of taking Nash out at that moment was, well, taking Nash out.

It was the same deal last night. There were still 10 minutes left in the game, but the Spurs were leading by 21 and the Hornets -- with the exception of Chris Paul -- were going down rather quietly. But that's when Horry chose to strike, setting a pick that literally took David West out of the game. Here's the video from Odenized.


Now, some people immediately dismissed the play as a "hard foul" and/or "playoff basketball." And to those people I say: Shenanigans. Horry measured West and gave him a shot right in the lower back. Horry knew West's back was injured. Everybody knew West's back was injured. It was a textbook example of a cheap shot.

Look, I've played a lot of basketball over the years, both organized and not-so-organized. Stuff like that doesn't happen by accident. It just doesn't. And if you think otherwise, then you're fooling yourself. Horry measured West and gave him a really hard -- and clearly illegal, since it resulted in an offensive foul -- shot into a part of West's body that was known to be injured. Did Horry intend to take West out of the game, or even incapacitate him for Game 7? Probably not. But that barely makes the act any less senseless. And whether he meant for it to happen or not, there's a pretty good likelihood that West will be far from 100 percent for Game 7. Which is a pretty good tradeoff for a simple offensive foul, isn't it?

And for those of you who are inevitably going to defend Mr. Cheap Shot, go ahead and answer this question in your defense: How would you react if you were playing pickup basketball and somebody purposely took a shot at your injured back/knee/ankle/whatever? Would you laugh it off as just a good, hard basketball play? Or would you want to strangle the guy?

Evil Ted's take: "After watching the Horry incident in regular and slow motion, I told Basketbawful that it looked mild, and that West shouldn't be playing professional basketball if his back can't sustain a hit like that. Of course, with each passing moment, I had to add preface after preface to my opinion. First, with West's pre-existing back condition, it makes the hit far more nefarious -- a true 'Sweep the leg' Cobra Kai moment. Second, if the hit had ever been issued to a bad-back-plagued Larry Bird and he went down, I would want blood and lots of it. Third, the hit illustrates the true subtle genius of the Spurs.

"They play basketball nowadays about as 'dirty' as any team in the league, but no casual basketball observer (that includes NBA officials, whom I now consider 'casual basketball observers,' by the way) could ever quite put a finger on what the Spurs are doing. From Ginobli flopping to the Duncan face to the Parker Oscar nominations to the Bowen foot defense to the Horry picks...every questionable thing the Spurs do must be analyzed in slow motion from ten different angles to determine whether there was intent or chicanery on a given play. No other team in the league has come close to perfecting this subtlety. It is very clear most of the time when other teams in the league are playing dirty -- they know nothing but shoving, clotheslining, punching, elbowing, kicking, etc. Many of us may despise the Spurs, but give them this: They have 100% perfected playing "their style" within the constraints of the league's rules and the officials' perceptions.

Historical precedent: Hey, Evil Ted: You might want to avoid this one for fear of the resulting bloodlust. Chuck Person put a hard pick straight into Larry Bird's achy-breaky back in Game 5 of the 1991 first round series between the Pacers and Celtics. Everybody knew what Person had done, but it was "only" a foul, right? Boston still won that game and moved on to the second round, but Person's cheap shot set off back spasms that were bad enough to force Bird to miss the first game of the Celtics' second round series with the Pistons. Not coincidentally, Boston lost that game.

Flopfest '08: Last night's game was competitive until the all-important third quarter, then everything fell apart for the Hornets. In a one minute, five second span, Chris Paul got called for two offensive fouls -- his third and fourth personals of the game -- and David West got numbers two and three, which were followed a couple minutes later by number four. All of a sudden, the Hornets were in foul trouble and the Spurs were rolling out to a huge lead. Game, set, match.

And, naturally, some of those critical fouls came courtesy of San Antonio's ongoing flopstravaganza. The NBA: Where The World Cup happens.


Mark Jackson: Shame on Action Jackson for repeatedly defending the Spurs' flop-a-thon. I wonder how he'd feel if he was playing or coaching against the Spurs in this situation?

David West: Even before Horry took him out, you could tell West just didn't have it. He had 10 points on 4-for-14 shooting, and both his mobility and ability to mix it up in the paint were limited. But that's pretty much what happens when somebody plays basketball with a bad back.

Peja Stojakovic: He scored 13 points on 5-for-10 shooting, which isn't terrible...unless you consider that, with West already hurting, the Hornets absolutely needed him to have a great game. But Peja has been almost entirely taken out of this series by Bowen's defense. Which is hard to believe, given Peja's rich history of playoff success. [/sarcasm]

Morris Peterson: The "fifth starter" for the Hornets, Mo Pete provided a listless performance: 3 points, 1-for-5 shooting, 6 rebounds, 2 assists. And in case you didn't realize this, New Orleans needs a solid contribution from every starter because of...

The New Orleans bench: Other than Julian Wright (8 points, 4-for-8), the Hornets got no significant contributions off the bench. Jannero Pargo (2 points, 1-for-6, zero assists), Bonzi Wells (zero points, 0-for-3), and Melvin Ely (5 points, 1-for-3) were awful. It's never good when you have to get 80-90 points out of your starting five every game, but that's where the Hornets are right now.

Road teams: They are now 1-20 in the second round. And counting.

Labels: bench play, David West, officiating, Peja Stojakovic, Robert Horry, San Antonio Spurs, Worst of the Night

Steve Javie, Derrick Stafford, Joe Forte: Sometimes the zebras get it right, sometimes they get it wrong. Very wrong. Such was the case last night in Detroit, when the game clock "froze" long enough for Chauncey Billups to beat the third quarter buzzer with momentum-changing three-pointer.

Here's the official description from the Orlando Sentinal: "The Pistons took the ball out of bounds with 5.1 seconds left, but the clock stopped at 4.8 and again at 4.1 before Billups made the three-point shot. The Magic bench erupted in protest, and officials huddled while TNT replays showed it took 5.22 seconds for the ball to leave Billups' hands, meaning Billups couldn't have gotten the shot off in time. But officials ruled the basket good, and they put .5 of a second back on the clock..."

Thanks to Odenized, we have lots of video evidence of this debacle. Here's the initial brouhaha.


Here are the TNT broadcasters showing the have a greater aptidude than the men who are paid to officiate the game.


And now, the reactions. Surprisingly enough, the Pistons don't seem too broken up about it, but who wants to bet that Rasheed Wallace would have gotten tossed if the same thing had happened to the Pistons?


The league and its stupid rules: Lead official Steve Javie declined comment after the game. But really, what else could he have done? The league's replay rules don't allow the officials to review plays in order to figure out when the shot clock started, should have started, should have stopped, etc. My question is: Why the hell not? If it's permissible to use replay at the end of games to determine whether a shot came before or after the buzzer, why not put in some kind of addendum stating that it can be used in situations like this? We can stuff astronauts into a flying tin can and send it to the moon. We have the technology. Why not, you know, use it?

Here's an interesting question posed by Brazil Thrill's Shot Was Blocked By KG on my NBA Closer column: "So will David Stern force Detroit and Orlando to replay the end of the third quarter and the entire fourth quarter of game two? If he thought a regular season game was important enough to warrant a partial re-match, why not apply the same rule during the playoffs? Or at the very least give Orlando 3 points to start with on game 3." An interesting point, eh? But I doubt Stern will do diddly squat. Because that could possibly get in the way of a Pistons-Celtics or Pistons-LeBron matchup in the Eastern Confernece Finals. Not that I'm conspiracy theorizing or anything...

The Magic's butter fingers: Memo to Stan Van Gundy: Either tell your players not to coat their hands in PAM before the game, or invest in a gross of Stickum. Orlando committed 19 turnovers that were transmogrified into 22 points for the Pistons. Worst of all, 17 of those 19 turnovers were bobbled off the hands of Rashard Lewis (6), Hedo Turkoglu (6) and Dwight Howard (5). A team cannot win if its main men keep gift-wrapping the ball and giving it away like a department store Santa.

The Orlando bench: Here is the sum total of their contribution to last night's game: 4 points on 1-for-7 shooting, 4 rebounds, 1 assist, 1 steal, and 8 fouls in almost 46 minutes. Holy wow, that is bad. And I mean 1986-87 Celtics bench bad.

Rip Hamilton: The Phantom once claimed that he knows whether a shot is going in before he even gets the ball. So why does he ever miss? If it's not going to go in, don't take the shot, right? Apparently not, since he was 4-for-18 last night.

Theo Ratliff: This guy inexplicably started talking trash to Rashard Lewis and the rest of the Magic after Game 1, which seems kind of strange coming from someone who barely ever plays. Did he back it up in Game 2? [Insert laugh track here] Uh, no. The line: zero points, 0-for-1 shooting, 1 rebound, zero assists, 1 blocked shot, 1 foul, 9 minutes. My advice? Zip the lip, Theo.

Walter Herrmann: Mr. Man -- who looks like a poor man's Fabio -- had a one trillion last night.

San Antonio Spurs: They looked good last night...for a half. Then the wheels came off in the third quarter, during which they were outscored 36-18. Frankly, they looked old, slow and wholly incapable of staying in front of the runnin' gunnin' Hornets. It's like the Spurs' methodical, slow-it-down-to-a-snail's-pace methodology finally backfired on them, sort of like people thought it might backfire against the Suns. Experience often overcomes youth, until experience's age falls victim to youth's fresh and tireless legs.

Gregg Popovich was so concerned -- and probably pissed off -- that at one point he yanked the starters (and foul-plagued sixth man Manu Ginobili) in favor of Ime Udoka, Brent Barry, Fabricio Oberto, Robert Horry and Jacque Vaughn. And if that's not a slap to the chops, I don't know what is. But you can't blame him. Duncan had (I think) around 11 points at the time (although he would finish with 18). Tony Parker shot 5-for-14. Michael Finley was 2-for-7. Bruce Bowen was 1-for-7. And Manu Ginobili finished 4-for-10 (he also had a game-high 5 turnovers). You could argue that, had it not been for Brent Barry (14 points, 4-for-5 from three-point range), the Spurs would have been beaten by 30.

Damon Stoudemire: As Basketbawful reader Josh pointed out, Mighty Mouse continued his championship piggyback game with a three trillion. Although it's starting to look like he might have been better off signing with the Hornets.

David West: The man's a straight-up baller, but he needs to leave the taunting on the streets where it belongs. First he punked Dirk Nowitzki -- which was pretty classless, even if it was kind of funny -- and now he's taunting...Fabricio Oberto?! That's really not necessary. (Video from Odenized.)


Reggie Miller: Reggie continues his assault on verbiosity, uh, verbalism, er, wordiology...forget it. I've been listening to Reggie too much, apparently. As Deadspin reader Tubesteak Terrorist pointed out: "According to Reggie Miller last night, David West is 'ambidextrious.'"

And there's more, this time from Rob of BigDiction.net: "Ha. No more than 6 minutes into the Spurs Hornets game Monday after a Peja three-pointer: Kevin Harlan says 'And he has been shooting at a 60% clip this postseason!,' to which Reggie Miller replies 'And that's a big plus for him.' No shit, Reggie. No shit."

And here's some retroctive Reggie from last weekend, courtesy of Basketbawful reader Nick: "In Hornets-Spurs Game 1, they had to delay the game because after Hugo the Hornet jumped through a ring of fire they couldn't put out the fire and had to use extinguishers. After they resumed play, the players were falling on the court because of the remains. Reggie Miller had this to say: 'The official is calling for the crew to come out because the players are slippering all over.' That's funny in itself, but then I looked up the word slippering. A slippering is a metonymical term for the act of smacking the buttocks, or the hands, with a slipper as a form of corporal punishment." I...really don't know what to say. Other than: Thanks for the mammaries, Reggie.

SI.com: Basketbawful reader MC Welk thinks the caption writers for the Sports Illustrated Web site are a little confused about who the Lakers are playing right now. "Lakers did a good job of getting past the Suns (right, SI?)."

The ESPN Scoreboard: Basketbawful reader Sky Flakes things that the ESPN scoreboard is almost as confused as Reggie Miller. Note how the Spurs spotted the Hornets an extra 5 points during halftime.


Then they upped it to 8 points, just for kicks.


Then the math started to go a little fuzzy. As Mr. Flakes put it: "I didn't know that 23 + 20 + 0 = 49." Me neither. But then, I failed 3rd grade math. Damn multiplication tables...


The Lakers medical staff: What are these guys doing? Practicing leechcraft? As Basketbawful reader Shrugz put it: "Wasn't Andrew Bynum supposed to be out for 2-4 weeks...in February?" Yup. Now he's out for the rest of the season. Nice. Worst medical staff ever. (Of course, that cranky knee didn't keep Andy from getting jiggy wit' it at a UCLA frat party...)

Labels: bench play, Chris Paul, David West, Detroit Pistons, fan submissions, New Orleans Hornets, officiating, Orlando Magic, Reggie Miller, Rip Hamilton, San Antonio Spurs, Worst of the Night

Go ahead and put this creamy dollop of man love on top of your Monday morning NBA sunday, courtesy of Lipsome123: "This is on ESPN's NBA page right now, with the caption 'David West's big-game effort put the Hornets one win away.' I wonder how he feels about Devean George's big-game? Oh that was too easy."

Jimmy P. added the following: "It looks to me like Devean George is WAYYYYY too happy being groped by David West. And check out Bonzi Wells in the background, he can't believe what's going on!"

(Rahim gave me the head's up on this one as well. Thanks, everybody.)

Labels: David West, Devean George, fan submissions, man love