The Boston Celtics: After the Celtics had an offensive meltdown in Chicago last Saturday -- on a night in which the Bulls outrebounded them 48-27 -- Paul Pierce said: "They wanted it more truthfully. They got all the loose balls. They attacked it."
That's the Truth. The Bulls did want it more. The same could be said of the Houston Rockets last night. The result was the same, a loss for the Celts, this time a 108-102 setback in Boston that dropped them out of first place in the Eastern Conference.
And, really, that's the biggest things the Celtics miss without Kevin Garnett. It's not the scoring or the rebounding or even the defense. It's the manic desire KG has to win every game. It's contagious. Without him, the Leprechauns have a tendency to coast against lesser teams.
The Rocketeers definitely qualify as a lesser team. They entered the game 16-21 overall and only 6-14 on the road. Meanwhile, Boston was 28-8 and 16-2 at home.
Didn't matter. Didn't matter that Houston was without Yao Ming, Brad Miller and Kevin Martin. Didn't matter that Rajon Rondo had 12 assists, or that Ray Allen was icy-hot (19 points, 8-for-13, 2-for-2 from downtown), or that Marquis Daniels provided a big spark off the bench (19 points, 7-for-8, 7 rebounds, 2 steals and an assist). Didn't matter that the Celtics outscored the Rockets 48-22 in the paint, either.
Houston won the rebounding battle 38-31 and shot nearly 53 percent from the field (including 10-for-20 from beyond the arc) against the league's best FGP defense. (Although, minus Garnett, that stat could be a bit spurious.) They scored 58 points in the second half.
Doc Rivers is justifiably worried about his team starting to coast. After all...it's only January.
Said Doc: "I've got to somehow figure out a way of getting them to see the urgency of the whole season, and not the single game. Playing Game Seven on the road ... and not just in the finals, if you make it there, but in the playoffs, in the East, which is going to be difficult. This year's not like last year, where you can coast. If you don't have home court this year, you could go home."
So if you were wondering whether Rivers has been coaching for the league's best record, the answer is yes.
According to the AP game recap, "Paul Pierce...sat at his locker after the game, still in his game shorts, staring at a stat sheet before crumpling it up and tossing it on the floor."
That's an unhappy Truth.
Said Pierce: "These games mean a lot. We have to put our hard hats on and take advantage of it. It has to come from everybody. They have to look at themselves and ask themselves, 'Are we giving enough as a team?'"
In related news, Pierce went 5-for-12 and finished with more fouls (4) and turnovers (2) than rebounds (3) and assists (2).
By the way, the last time the C's lost at home was to the Kevin Durant-less Oklahoma City Thunder. Another home loss was to the Cavaliers...right after beating the Heat in Miami. So maybe getting fired up for lesser teams in a problem regardless of whether Garnett plays.
Said Rivers: "This game had nothing to do with Kevin Garnett. It's a mental mindset, and it starts with me."
Wait..."mental mindset"...?
The Memphis Grizzlies: Ah...a classic example of scalpers night off. The official attendance for last night's Care Bears-Bobcraps game was 10,188, but that figure is based on tickets distributed. In reality, there were about 1,000-ish fans in Time Warner Cable Arena.
Matt Carol, who was supposed to throw a free-t-shirt into the crowd, said: "I was looking around and I couldn't find anybody. So I said I was going to throw it up to a zone and see if somebody can get it."
I can think of no better quote to describe Charlotte's current offensive philosophy.
Anyway, as much as I would love to blame the lousy matchup for the lack of warm bodies in the stands, the sparse crowd was actually the result of a "snowstorm" that hit the area. Or, as Basketbawful reader The Other Chris put it:
Also about 12 people showed up to the Charlotte game, it probably snowed two inches in North Carolina and every got a case of giant flapping vaginitis... either that or they remembered how terrible Charlotte is.Said Stephen Jackson: "We knew we had a job to do, that's come out and play and get a win regardless. You can't expect everybody to come out in this weather and drive."
Especially to see the Grizzlies get blown out.
Memphis actually won the rebounding battle 48-40 -- their total included 17 offensive rebounds -- and outscored the Bobcraps 58-28 in the paint. The Care Bears racked up another 17 points off 18 Charlotte turnovers.
Unfortunately, the Griz missed 33 of their first 42 shots, managed only 31 points in the first half, and fell behind by as many as 23 before losing 96-82.
Mike Conley shot 6-for-17. Rudy Gay was 5-for-16. O.J. Mayo went 1-for-8. Memphis shot 39 percent as a team. Yep. I'd call that an offensive fail.
By the way, I think it's fucking adorable as hell how excited people are getting over Charlotte's 5-2 record under Paul Silas. Let's see, they've beaten the Pistons (12-25), Cavaliers (8-29, Timberwolves (9-29), Wizards (9-26) and Grizzlies (17-21). And their only road outing in the last seven games was in Minnesota.
As always...just sayin'.
Rudy Gay, quote machine: "We took bad shots, missed them. They took good shots, made them. That was the game."
Stephen Jackson, quote machine: Did they give up on Larry Brown? Um, yes.
"It's kind of like losing a team. Nobody wanted to play no more," Jackson said. "Everybody wanted to play a different style than we were playing. We didn't agree with what was going on. Obviously, it wasn't working, so we needed a change. We had to figure something out..."The phrase "inmates running the asylum" comes to mind. You know, it wasn't too many years ago when LeBron James, er, the Cleveland Cavaliers fired Silas with 18 games to go in the regular season. The Cavs were the fifth seed at the time.
"We're younger and we have to play a little faster," Jackson said. "The makeup of the team is different and I think now with Paul (Silas) as coach the young guys have more confidence to go out there and play basketball and not worry about coming out of the game."
"You can't blame Coach Brown because we have to play the games," Jackson said. "But at the end of the day, when you make a change like that it has the domino effect of getting everybody up and loving the game. It's definitely worked so far."
At the time, LeBron said: "You could kind of tell the way the air was, how things were going around here, there was going to have to be a change." Translation: I wasn't happy.
Then-GM Jim Paxson said: "We're 64 games into the season and we still don't have a consistent rotation, substitution pattern, those type of things. We didn't see that changing." Translation: LeBron wasn't happy.
I'm just sayin'...the Bobcraps are all happy now. But just wait until they start losing again. We'll see how happy they are then.
The Detroit Pistons: Despite being one of the league's worst offensive teams -- they rank 25th in PPG (95.2) and 23rd in Offensive Rating (104.6) -- the Pistons scored 55 first half points against the Bulls. That feat is more impressive than it may sound. After all, Chicago has been holding opponents to about 91 PPG in the United Center this season. And they had been giving up only 82.5 PPG over their last six home games, which included three games in which their opponents scored fewer than 80 points.
What's more, despite being one of the league's worst defensive teams -- Detroit ranks 25th in Defensive Rating (110.2) -- the Pistons held four Bulls players scoreless. That's four out of 10. And starter Keith Bogans managed only three points on one measly field goal.
At the end of the first half, Detroit had a 12-point lead.
Unfortunately, the Pistons are the Pistons. Destination: Doom, right? Sure enough, Detroit was outscored 33-15 in the third quarter and then scored only 12 points in the fourth. The result: a 95-82 loss that dropped them to 12-25 overall and a depressing 3-17 on the road.
So...did the trade rumors affect the Pistons? Remember, Richard Hamilton is part of that hot trade rumor involving Carmelo Anthony.
Said Rip: "That's part of the game. You hear stuff like that all the time. It's not the first time I've heard it in my career since I've been here. It's part of the game. You just come out and try to play basketball. It's out there. It's nothing that I think about."
Really, Rip? Well, okay then. In totally unrelated news, Hamilton finished with 2 points on 0-for-5 shooting in 21 minutes off the bench.
Bonus stats: The Bulls ran out for 18 fast break points and the Pistons gave up 23 points off 16 turnovers.
Ben Wallace: He got injured on the opening tip and missed the rest of the game. So...old...
Derrick Rose, quote machine: Derrick Rose dropped THE HAMMER on the Piston last night:
Nooooo. Not that hammer. This hammer.
After the game, Rose sounded awfully humble for a guy who's dunk created a parallel universe full of tiny, dunking Derrick Roses.
"A dunk, to me, is a dunk."For the record, Rose is 22 years old.
"I just jump high."
"I'm getting pretty old in this league. I just try to save my legs as much as possible."
Chris's Lacktion Report: Omer Asik mooed one foul in 4:37 for a +1 and a 1:0 Madsen-level Voskuhl, while fellow heifer CJ Watson garnered two bricks and a foul for a +3 in 4:39. Kyle Korver also joined the lackfest with two bricks (once from Wacker Drive) for a +2 in 4:28.
Labels: Boston Celtics, Detroit Pistons, Memphis Grizzlies, snowstorms, Worst of the Night
Mind-blowing quote of the day, via a tweet from Zach McCann: Gilbert Arenas to JJ Redick: "We're the two best white shooters in the NBA."
...Okay then.
So, moving along, heads up, golf fans! (That includes you, Pistons, Nyets, and any other NBA players who will have a lot of free time when the playoffs roll around.) The next release of EA Sports' Tiger Woods franchise will definitely be worth buying -- Tiger Woods PGA Tour 12 will finally include the Masters, marking the first time Augusta National has appeared in a videogame. Many of us thought this day would never come, considering the reluctance Augusta's management has shown over the years to even broadcast every hole of the tournament, much less allow someone to play it in a video game. That being said, I'm even more surprised by this: you will be able to play Augusta as a female golfer in the game. So much for the game being realistic, I guess. The best tweet about this comes from ESPN's Jason Sobel: "EA Sports missed some things with Virtual Augusta. Example: Can't use prize money to buy t-shirts from John Daly at Hooters down the street."
Random video of the day: Ray Romano on Saturday Night Live back in 1999 making fun of Sportscenter. Aside fromTim Meadows' Stuart Scott doppelganger having two functioning eyes, it's pretty well spot-on. Perhaps my favorite part of the clip, however, is something one of the random Yahoo commenters also pointed out: "Wow the Sonics had a bad night... lost to the Jazz in Utah and to the Lakers in Seattle." And we thought playing on back-to-back nights was bad... Also, I'm sure Seattle would be happy to be in that situation today, since it'd at least mean they have a team.
Sweet sassy molassy!
Worst of the Night in Pictures:
What is Erik Spoelstra doing?
Nationally Televised Games:
Spurs at Knicks, NBA TV, 7:30pm: Numbers guru and PER proponent John Hollinger predicts Knick mediocrity thanks to a schedule that corrects itself after starting off super duper easy. Really? You don't say? That's only what pretty much all the writers and commenters on this blog have been proclaiming for weeks upon weeks now. And none of us needed a complex formula to figure that one out because sometimes it's just not necessary. Yes, advanced metrics are good for some things. But common sense and a quick glance at the schedule could fill in some blanks on this one.
All The Other Games:
Bucks at Heat, 7:30pm: I would call this a trap game, but have you seen the Bucks' offense this year? Hard for them to sneak up on anybody. Also, just for the record, I love the fake music-related nicknames thing from the WOTN comments today. Keep it going, guys.
Craptors at Bulls, 8pm: Check out this terrible Craptors jersey that appeared on Straight Cash Homey. Even better, it was spotted by Tas from The Basketball Jones. I love it when some of my favorite blogs end up working together somehow.
Also, Bawful noted something interesting about this game on his By the Horns blog:
Now, believe it or not, the Raptors have been on a roll against the Bulls in Chicago. The dinosaurs have won five of their last six games in the United Center, including the last three in a row. According to STATS LLC, Toronto has averaged 107.2 PPG while holding Chicago to 93.2 PPG during that stretch. Over the last three of those games, Derrick Rose has scored 13.7 points and shot 42.9 percent.Thunder at Grizzlies, 8pm: Gloriously generic line from the STATS LLC game preview: "Improving their defense might help the Grizzlies with their consistency." Couldn't you say that about any team in any situation? If all other factors stay the same, improving your defense will always help you more consistently win games.
Of course, the Raptors haven’t played in Chicago since losing Chris Bosh. Or, for that matter, since Carlos Boozer started suiting up for the Bulls. So perhaps only recent history matters. When the Bulls played in Toronto on December 15th, Rose struggled in the scoring department (6 points on 3-for-9 shooting), but he had 11 assists as Chicago shot 53 percent as a team and won 110-93.
Frail Blazers at Mavericks, 8:30pm: Caron Butler = done for the season. Somehow the Mavs playing the Frail Blazers the same day this news breaks HAD to happen.
Hawks at Kings, 10pm: Let me get this straight. Joe Johnson's struggling with his shooting touch (6-of-20 from the field on Friday, 7-of-20 on Sunday). Yet the Hawks offense is still "give Joe Johnson the ball and let him shoot." Yes! It makes perfect sense! Or none at all.
Pistons at Lakers, 10:30pm: Some in-depth analysis courtesy of our old friend Knee-Mac: ""We haven't really put together consistently four quarters. We play well for a half or three quarters, but then we always have that quarter that lets us down." Basically, yes. This is why you're the Pissed-ons.
Labels: Bawful After Dark, Detroit Pistons, John Hollinger, New York Knicks
"This has to be the low point of his (or anyone's) NBA career"
(via AK Dave)
[Note: Dan B. here reporting for early morning duty. Basketbawful himself started this post, but since his Internet connection is unavailable at the moment, I'm finishing it up for him. We are combining for a better team effort than the Cavaliers managed last night at least.]
The Cleveland Cavaliers: After beating down LeBron's new team on Monday night, the Pacers decided to do things right by pimp-slapping LeBron's old team on Tuesday. Just for good measure. Don't let the 100-89 final score fool you: Indy led by as many as 34 points in this one.
Cleveland's starters scored only 32 points. Joey Graham (11 points) was the only one who reached double figures. And even then, Graham had the best plus-minus of all Cleveland starters at -21.
Byron Scott, coach of the year candidate: "This isn't even close to rock bottom. It's a good test for us. This team and this franchise have not had to play through adversity in the last seven years. The Pacers are a pretty good team and we played that bad."
The Atlanta Hawks: They've joined the Miami Heat in the "We've gone from only beating bad teams to getting beaten by bad teams" club. That's right: The Dirty Birds lost to the Nyets. All I can say is...
...BROOK LOPEZ SMASH!!
Big Brooklies had a season-high 32 points, Devin Harris added 27, and the Hawks didn't have the firepower to match up. With the Nyets.
Said Avery Johnson: "TWO GUYS THAT WE RELY ON HEAVILY CAME THROUGH. NOW WHAT I'M SHOWING THEM IS IF THEY CAN CONSISTENTLY HAVE THAT AGGRESSION AND THAT ATTACKING ATTITUDE, IT MAKES US A BETTER BALL CLUB. THEY DON'T HAVE MANY NIGHTS WITH THIS TEAM WHERE THEY CAN TAKE OFF."
Joe Johnson: 6-for-18. The $119 million slump continues.
Game Recap, unintentionally dirty quote machine: Via Basketbawful reader Allison, "Word choice fail from Nets-Hawks recap on Yahoo: 'The erection of steel started at the Barclays Center at Atlantic Yards in Brooklyn on Tuesday.' There's *got* to be a better way to put that..."
The Philadelphia 76ers: From 15-point fourth quarter lead to an overtime loss to the
The Goat of the night? It was...
Jrue Holiday: He went running at John Wall with 3.5 seconds left in regulation, committing one of the dumbest fouls of the season. Wall was at least 40 feet from the rim...but he flipped up a shot and was awarded three freebies. Johnny Storm hit all three, forcing overtime, and, well, you know what happened.
Said Holiday: "I didn't think he was shooting the 3. I honestly thought he was going to the basket. I really wasn't trying to foul him. I just got my arm in there and he went up. It was a foul."
No. It was a FAIL.
Doug Collins, coach of the year candidate: "All we had to do was just finish out the game, and we just made critical mistakes again. That's just crushing us. That's been the story of our whole first 14 games of the season. You've got to be careful because when a guy is running at you with the ball like that, you've got to know when he sees you coming that he's going to pick up and launch it."
The Chicago Bulls: Despite facing off against the league's premier frontcourt, the Bulls held their own. In fact, they shut down Pau Gasol (3-for-10), who was owned by Joakim Noah (19 points, 13 boards, 4 steals, 3 blocked shots). Chicago outrebounded L.A. and outscored them in the paint.
Unfortunately, the Lakers bench -- "the Killer Bees" as Kevin McHale is calling them -- outscored Chicago's reserves 39-10. Shannon Brown, whom I wanted the Bulls to pursue last summer, lit up his hometown team for 21 points on 7-for-14 shooting and drilled more treys (5-for-10) than the entire Bulls team (4-for-20). Brown, Steve Blake and Matt Barnes combined for four three-pointers in L.A.'s decisive 17-2 fourth quarter run.
Hands. Faces. Somebody. Please.
Bobcats-Knicks: No defense. Lots of turnovers (39 for 58 points off turnovers). Two awful teams. But hey, at least a lot of points were scored.
Pistons-Mavericks: Yes, technically the Mavs won this game 88-84. However, when the pace is that molasses-in-January-in-Siberia slow, nobody wins. Dirk Nowitzki put up some big numbers (42 points, 12 rebounds), but was apparently the only player to set his alarm clock and wake up for this game. Caron Butler was the only other Mavs starter to score double-digits, and the team as a whole only shot 38% from the field.
On the other side of the court, Detroit managed to put together a combined effort of 11 assists and 15 turnovers. Perhaps John Kuester needs to focus more on fundamentals at their next practice, such as "pass the ball to the guys wearing the same color jersey as you." Also, the tone was set early in the game, as recapped by LotharBot in the BAD comments: "Over the first 4:27 of the Pistons-Mavs game, the Pistons starters have combined to shoot 0-5, with 1 rebound and 2 turnovers, and are trailing 11-0."
Rick Carlisle, quote machine: "It was a slower-paced game, a playoff-style game." Except, you know, for the Pissed-Ons being involved.
Sasha Vujacic, nickname machine: Via Wild Yams, "This is awesome. Of course, what isn't awesome when it's making fun of Sasha Vujacic?"
The Miami Heat: Again via Wild Yams, we finally have an explanation for why the Heat are not a good basketball team. No, it's not because they don't have anything resembling a point guard, or because their paint is protected by two men with a combined age of 847.
Chris's Lacktion Report: Chris may be in New York for a few days, but at least he's smart enough to avoid going to a Bricks game. The stink of Purple Pauper basketball is already all over him. He'd never make it out alive if he tried to watch a Bobcats-Bricks game in person. However, that does leave him time to compile the lacktion details:
Hawks-Nyets: Maurice Evans tossed one brick from Newark Penn Station and fouled twice in 7:39 for a +3 suck differential, while for New Jersey, Stephen Graham missed one shot in 4:07 and added a foul for a +2.
Sixers-Generals: Alonzo Gee celebrated his new start with Washington by a 4-second defeat of King Koopa for a Super Mario!
Bobcats-Knicks: Nazr Mohammed, Michael Jordan's starting big man of choice, had a statline so stunning (and described as "epic" here) it has to be repeated near verbatim: 4:27 on the floor, FOUR bricks, two rejections, two fouls, for a PLUS EIGHT SUCK DIFFERENTIAL. Amazingly, this only ended up being a 2:0 Voskuhl - but this made him officially Lacktator #100 on the young Association season!!!!
Pistons-Mavs: Ian Mahinmi had himself a piece of masonry in 3:06 for a +1
Labels: Atlanta Hawks, Cleveland Cavaliers, Detroit Pistons, Philadelphia 76ers, The Best Worst of the Night Ever
Basketbawful reader Matt S. sent the following e-mail:
Knee-Mac has logged eight minutes in the preseason. And his legs are already weary. Remember: This is what Tracy said back in late August:
I'm sure this will end well.
"Thought you might enjoy this: Take a look at the reason for McGrady taking the night off. I've seen hundreds, maybe thousands, of fantasy notes, but I have never seen anything quite like it."And here's the money shot:
Knee-Mac has logged eight minutes in the preseason. And his legs are already weary. Remember: This is what Tracy said back in late August:
"There's no question [I get back to being an elite player]. There is no question. Yes, because my body feels good. I'm in great shape. I'm in better shape than I've been in for the last three years. I'm a lot leaner. I'm telling you, a lot of people are going to be shocked. That's all I've got to say."Since then? Eight preseason minutes. But I'm sure it's all just precautionary. Kind of like how you have to cover fragile things in layer after layer of bubblewrap before you can mail them anywhere. Because otherwise they'll break. Easily.
I'm sure this will end well.
Labels: Detroit Pistons, Detroit Pistons: Destination Doom, fan submissions, Tracy McGrady
The Chicago Bulls
The Bulls have nine new players and a new coaching staff. Sure, management whiffed on their attempts to sign LeBron James, Dwyane Wade and/or Chris Bosh. But all is not lost. They have a former All-Star (Carlos Boozer), a couple of possible future All-Stars (Joakim Noah and Taj Gibson), and a budding Superstar (Derrick Rose). They imported shooters (Kyle Korver, C.J. Watson, Keith Bogans), an athlete (Ronnie Brewer) and a crafty veteran (Kurt Thomas). Oh, and they have Luol Deng. For 60-65 games anwway. If they're lucky.
Of course, Boozer set a personal record by getting injured before he'd even played a single preseason game. By falling over a bag. At home. Seriously. The dude probably won't be back until December. Meanwhile, Ronnie Brewer (sore hamstring), C.J. Watson (strained left quadriceps), Taj Gibson (sore right heel) and now Kyle Korver (cyst in his left ankle) have all had ticky-tac injuries. If a window mysteriously slams shut on Noah's hands or a piano falls out of the sky and lands on Rose, I'm going to start thinking the Curse of the Billy Goat has been transferred from the Cubs to the Bulls (with a brief layover at Soldier Field to hit Jay Cutler with another 23 sacks).
With Boozer out, the Bulls might be a casualty of their schedule: In November -- a stretch of 13 games -- Chicago faces eight playoff teams and a Houston squad that should return to the playoffs if Yao Ming can stay healthy for a change. After a tough opening stretch in which they face the Trail Blazers (home), Celtics (road) and Nuggets (home), the Bulls close out the month with a brutal seven-game road trip that features two sets of back-to-backs and consecutive games against the Rockets, Spurs, Mavericks, Lakers, Suns and Nuggets.
And did I mention this team has a league-high 23 sets of back-to-back games?
There's really no figuring out how good the Bulls will be until Boozer is back and manages to shake off the rust from his layoff. But injuries -- seriously, can we just schedule Deng's 15-game absence in advance? -- and a rugged calendar of events will cap this team's potential at 40-45 games. Unless Rose and Noah can make a big leap up. Without falling back down and landing on their heads.
The Cleveland Cavaliers
At this point, it's hard to tell which would have been more devestating to Cleveland: LeBron James taking his talents to South Beach or just dropping a couple nukes on the city. I'm going to go with the LeBron thing. At least the nukes would have been quick and less heartwrenching. Who wouldn't prefer instant incineration or death by radiation poisoning to the hopeless pining for your former hero? Let's face it, King Crab didn't just stab Cleveland in the back, he treated the wound with a lemon juice and acid drip. Every triple-double he has for the Heat will just be another shot to the city's crotch. That's what Clevelanders are in store for: 82 games worth of kicks to the groin.
So what's left? Even with a back-to-back MVP, this squad couldn't make it to the NBA Finals. Heck, last season, the Cavs didn't even reach the Eastern Conference Finals. Now it's Mo Williams, Anthony Parker, Antawn Jamison, J.J. Hickson and Anderson Varejao against The World. I don't know about you, but my money's on The World. And I'm betting big.
It's hard to determine what kind of ceiling this team has -- will they be runny, oozing poop or the hard, calcified kind? -- but I can tell you this much: When new coach Byron Scott falls asleep on the bench this season, he'll be dreaming wistfully of his past firings and begging for the sweet, sweet release his next axing will bring.
The Detroit Pistons
During the summer of 2009, Joe Dumars lost his damn mind and dropped $90 million on Ben Gordon and Charlie Villanueva. (Every time I type that sentence, I have-wonder whether I've lost control of my fingers.) Mind you, those signings happened in the immediate aftermath of trading Chauncey Billups -- only the heart and soul of the freaking team -- for Allen Iverson, who basically quit the team after being relegated to a bench role (a fact that Dumars actually tried to hide by citing a back injury). Anyway, after Dumars obliterated the team's cap space for the foreseeable future, the Pistons suffered all sorts of injuries and essentially fell apart.
And you know what? For Dumars, that was the best thing that could have happened. The injuries provided a smokescreen and built-in excuse for failure. "But, but, but...we were injured, man! Wait 'till next year!"
Yeah, well, next year is here, Joe.
Take a gander at this team's roster. The starting point guard (Rodney Stuckey) isn't a point guard (according to ESPN's John Hollinger, Stuckey ranked 64th out of 71 point guards in assist ratio). Their starting shooting guard (Rip Hamilton) is in the midst of a steady decline and his backup (Gordon) is a defenseless gunner. Tayshaun Prince still does a little bit of everything well, but nothing great. Villanueva is a spotty shooter (who loves to shoot!) and a lousy defender. Ben Wallace is the team's starting center. I know he was better than expected last season, but that was mostly in comparison the dead, rotting body everybody thought he was. Trust me, he won't have a second rivival year.
The bench -- Jason Maxiell and Will Bynum in particular -- used to get a lot of hype, but the shine's off the apple. And Dumars brought in Tracy McGrady for...what exactly? Does the team get some kind of tax relief for taking on crippled players?
Detroit's offense is going to revolve around isolations, clearouts, relentless chucking of outside shots and whatever Big Ben can scrape up on the offensive glass. As for the defense, I hope Dumars spent whatever was left in the petty cash jar on matador capes. This team will be lucky to win 30 games. And trust me, those are going to be 30 of the ugliest games you're going to see this season.
The Indiana Pacers
Larry Bird's master plan for rebuilding the Pacers took a major blow this offseason when Bird willingly sacrificed one of his slow white players (Troy Murphy) in return for two African American players (Darren Collison and James Posey). It was a rare smart move by Bird, which makes me wonder whether he fell asleep at the Trade Machine, accidentally mashed some keys, and didn't wake up in time to cancel the deal. Larry, what happened? Didn't you realize there are still some white players in the league who aren't on your roster? I mean, did you even try to sign Kyle Korver? What's going on here?!
In all seriousness, I like the Collison acquisition for Indy. This team has been searching for a reliable point guard since Mark Jackson left. That's been a long time, by the way. Danny Granger is a strong scorer who doesn't do much else. (Me being me, I don't like the fact that he shot 42 percent from the field last year. Plus his durability is in question -- Granger has missed 15 and 20 games the past two seasons.) After those two guys, the Pacers have...uhm...what exactly? Think about it. Think really, really hard. Don't pop a vein or anything, though.
That's what I'm talking about. In 2003-04, the Pacers finished 61-21, which was the best record in the league. In 2004-05, Ron Artest lost his mind and destroyed the team, maybe forever. Since The Malice at the Palace, the Pacers have won 44, 41, 35, 36, 36 and 32 games. This season, they'll probably be just plucky enough to win another 35 games or so. If Larry keeps this up, they'll be a 35-win team for the rest of the decade.
I've said it before: God hates the Pacers.
The Milwaukee Bucks
The Bucks are generating some serious darkhorse buzz. And on paper, there's reason for optimism. Their starting lineup -- Brandon Jennings, John Salmons, Corey Maggette, Drew Gooden and Andrew Bogut -- are projected to be worth about 100 PPG this season. Plus, the Bucks have some reserves (Carlos Delfino, Luc Richard Mbah A Moute, Kenyon Dooling and Chris Douglas-Roberts) who can make some noise off the bench. And hey, what if Michael Redd regains what is known as "human function" in his surgically repaired knee? The sky is the limit, dear readers.
Oh, who am I kidding? Last season, Scott Skiles somehow kept from losing his shit despite the wildly misdirected shooting of Brandon Jennings. This year, he's going to have to deal with perennial underachievers in Maggette and Gooden. I can tell you from experience that Skiles doesn't handle underachievers very well. If his head hasn't exploded -- Scanners-style! -- by the trade deadline, we need to check his basement for Body Snatcher pods.
Should other NBA teams "Fear the Deer"? Maybe. The team's got talent (although I wonder where their three-point shooting is going to come from). And they overachieved last season even in the face of adversity and injuries. My take: This team looks better on paper than it actually is. The Bucks could win 45 games or so -- have you taken a look around the Eastern Conference? Blech! -- but do you think guys on the Celtics, Heat or Magic are quaking in their very expensive sneakers? Yeah. Me neither.
Labels: Chicago Bulls, Cleveland Cavaliers, Detroit Pistons, Indiana Pacers, Milwaukee Bucks, NBA season preview
The Indiana Pacers: So much for the "surging" Pacers. Indy had won 11 of its last 14 games including 10 of 11 at home. And, in their final home game of the season, the Pacers treated their fans to a 118-98 stink-bomb loss in which they had a 43-24 disadvantage in free throw attempts and got outrebounded 53-38. So...when do the Butler Bulldogs start playing again?
Said Troy Murphy: "No excuses. We just didn't have it tonight from start to finish."
In related news, the Pacers are 27th in attendance, ahead of only the Grizzlies, Kings and Nyets. The only surprise there is that Indy wasn't dead last. But then again, the only other thing to do in Indiana is watch corn slowly grow, so maybe it makes a little sense.
The Philadelphia 76ers: Speaking of last home games of the season, the Sixers -- who rank 26th in attendance -- tried to go out on a high note against the "surging" Heat. But not even the Curse of Surge could help Philly, who lost on a Udonis Haslem jumper with 1.3 seconds left despite shooting 55 percent for the game.
Andre "The Other 80 Million Dollar Man" Iguodala, who missed five free throws in the two-point loss (including two straight with 2:41 left and his team down two), said: "We had the game in our hands, but we let it slip away. We made some mistakes down the stretch and we don't give ourselves an attempt to try to win or tie the game up."
There's no better way to sum up Philly's season. Short of an interpretive seizure that ends with uncontrollable vomiting and defecation.
The Detroit Pistons: Speaking once again of final home games of the season, the Pistons -- who inexplicably rank 8th in attendance -- got to wrap up their home schedule against a Chris Bosh-less Craptors team that had lost five in a row and 18 of their last 25 games. Oh, and Toronto was also playing the second of back-to-back games, the first of which was a 104-88 home court fail to the equally hapless Chicago Bulls.
So of course the Craptors got 33 points from Andrea Bargnani and a career-high 26 from Amir Johnson to win 111-97 in the Palace of Auburn Hills.
Defense was a problem. As summed up in the AP recap: "The Raptors had assists on 21 of their first 22 field goals, finished with a season-high 37 assists, and made 60 percent of their shots overall and on 3-pointers." In other words, there weren't any hands in any faces in Detroit last night.
In the process, the Pistons (26-55) have guaranteed their worst record since going 20-62 in the 1993-94 season. What's more, this will be the first year Detroit hasn't made the playoff since 2001.
Said Tayshaun Prince: "It's really disappointing."
Don't worry, Detroit fans. Only a few short months before the Lions open training camp!
Charlie Villanueval: Charlie V. -- one half of Joe Dumars' $90 million offseason spending spree -- had this to say on his Twitter account hours before his team's tipoff against the Craptors:
Toronto tonight at the palace, sorry Toronto fans, have love for u fans but Detroit is going to winAnd this is what he tweeted a few hours after the game:
Guarantee win tonight, yeah I said it
Thank God I don't gamble cause I will be terrible at, lolLOL!!!!
And this is what Villanueva told the press: "I don't think that fired them up because they had something to play for. I thought we would come ready to play, and I'm shocked we didn't after the way we've played lately."
I wonder if Charlie V. realizes his team has won 26 games this season. This loss isn't all that shocking. What's shocking is that Detroit fans haven't started chucking bricks during games.
The New Jersey Nyets: Speaking yet again about final home games of the season, the Nyets -- a mortal lock for this season's last place attendence record -- finished their run at the Izod Center with a double-digit loss to the Charlotte Bobcats in which they shot 39 percent and missed 20 of 24 three-pointers. As the AP recap put it: "The New Jersey Nets opened their 29-year NBA stay at the Meadowlands with a loss and they ended the run the same way."
How very fitting.
Devin Harris -- whose team is 35-109 since he said "We knew we were going to be a playoff team" in December of 2008 -- said: "It's disappointing losing the last game at Izod. But it's been like that for us all season."
Remember how the Nyets supposedly "fleeced" the Mavericks by getting Harris and DeSagana Diop in the Jason Kidd trade? Man, that seems forever and a week ago. Maybe Mark Cuban knew what he was doing after all...
Larry Brown, quote machine: As the AP recap pointed out: "The constant in both events was Larry Brown. He coached the Nets that night in 1981 against the Knicks and he was back for the final game to guide the Charlotte Bobcats over New Jersey 105-95 on Monday night."
To which Larry responded: "I was here for the first and the last. What does that tell you? How dumb are these people who keep hiring me? I'm sure over my career I've been in a lot of buildings and outlasted them. Me. Nelly [Don Nelson] and Lenny [Wilkens]. Coach [Jerry] Sloan. I don't know if that's a good thing."
The Milwaukee Bucks: Still speaking about final home games of the season -- do you sense a theme here? -- the previously surging but currently Andrew Bogut-less Bucks couldn't defend (giving up 53 percent shooting) or throw the ball into the ocean (shooting 38 percent as a team). As a result, they lost to the Hawks 104-96 and got dumped to sixth place in the Eastern Conference playoff race. Ah, but what does playoff seeding mean, anyway? Just ask rookie Brandon Jennings, veteran of exactly zero playoff games.
Said Jennings: "It's either Atlanta or Boston. I think they are both beatable for us. We've been hanging with them the whole year."
Aw! Rookies are so cute when they're being stupid.
Update! The Sacramento Kings: Hey, have I mentioned any last home games of the season yet? Well, the Paupers lost theirs. And it was a classic revenge game, as Kevin Martin -- who got voted off Excremento Island in favor of 'Reke the Freak -- had his second-highest scoring game of the season: 39 points on 11-for-20 from the field and 16-for-16 from the line.
Meanwhile, Evans -- thanks to some shot happiness and ball-hoggery -- joined Oscar Robertson, Michael Jordan and LeBron James in the 20-5-5 Rookie Club, which probably doesn't take that much of the sting out of Sacto's 25-56 record. Although, because of that record, 'Reke's record was pretty much the only reason the fans showed up. Just ask Paul Westphal: "This game was more about extraneous things more than the actual wins or losses. I think the players sensed that."
Yeah. I think the players have sensed that for a while, Paul. In related news, the Kings picked up the option on Westphal's contract for 2011-12 before the game.
Said Rockets coach Rick Adelman: "I didn't even know what was going on. Then finally they put 20-5-5 up there. I was more than happy to let him have that and we will take the win and go home."
The Los Angeles Clippers: Okay. One more "losing their final home game of the season" entry...which is what the Clippers did in getting pounded by the Mavericks 117-94. Okay, okay. Technically, The Other L.A. Team will finish up their season with a "home game" against the Lakers on Wednesday night, but that's the same as a game on the moon for the poor Clips, who were officially eliminated from the "30-Win Club" race. The best they can do is finish 29-53.
In related news, The Other L.A. Team is 20th in attendence despite being in freaking Los Angeles.
In all fairness to the Clippers, they were minus both of their starting guards -- Baron Davis (
Yep. They are who we thought they were.
The Minnesota Timberwolves: And finally a team wins their final home game of the season! And their 133-111 victory over the Timberpoops -- during which Minny committed 19 turnovers, gave up almost 60 percent shooting and fell behind by as many as 30 points -- gave the Spurs their 11th straight 50-win season. Feel the surge!
Minny's season ends Wednesday at home against the Pistons, and we have some potentially historic fail in the works. If the Timberwolves lose, they'll tie the Tony Campbell-led 1991-92 squad for worst record in the 21-year history of the franchise.
Said Al Jefferson: "If it happens, it was just meant to happen. That's how I look at it. Of course we don't want it to happen, but it's life."
Added Timberpoops coach Kurt Rambis: "This team was not built to win this year. We knew that."
So...the T-Poops were supposed to suck this season? I just love it when a team fulfills their potential!
The Memphis Grizzlies: Their 123-101 loss in Denver bumped the Griz back to a game below .500, which just feels about right for this team, doesn't it? Memphis shot 39 percent, gave up 39 free throw attempts and surrendered 27 fast break points. I thought bears came out of hibernation in the spring.
Grizzlies coach Lionel Hollins: "I didn't like nothing about the whole game. They pretty much had a party here. A going-away party. The last game for the fans. They had a party with it."
Party dance!
Zach Randolph: Now here's the Z-Bo we knew and loved! Near the end of the third quarter, Randolph got tagged with foul numero cinco for sending Nene to the floor during the battle for an offensive board. Admittedly, Nene might have done a little grabbing and acting, but losing your cool over iffy calls usually doesn't help. And of course it didn't. Zach's blabbing earned him a double-technical and an automatic ejection. Nene drilled all four free throws (two for the initial foul and two for the techs) to increase the Nuggets' lead to 90-72. Game over.
And did I mention Randolph is looking for mo' money? (Thanks to Basketbawful reader Hajt for the link.)
Now, just for shits and giggles, here's a classic Z-Bo booboo from the Isiah Thomas Era in New York. Gods, how I miss that era.
Rudy Gay: Even though he took a team-high 14 shot attempts, Gay finished with more fouls (4) than field goals (3) and more turnovers (2) than assists (1). Every time I've seen Rudy turn in one of these sub-par performances over the second half of the season, I always think the same thing: I wonder who's going to end up overpaying him this summer? I hope to God it's not the Bulls.
The Oklahoma City Thunder: Spider-Man's balls! Will Portland's misery never end? As if they hadn't been through enough this season -- including the loss of both centers, the Vanilla Godzilla reinjuring himself in the shower and their coach rupturing an Achilles tendon at practice -- the Frail Blazers have lost Brandon Roy to a torn meniscus in his right knee. Roy says he wants to play in the postseason, but that seems like borderline lunacy to me. Sure, his doctors say he probably can't hurt it any worse, but it's a fucking torn meniscus, Brandon! Take a seat, get healthy, and bring it next season.
Did I mention that a total of 13 Blazers have missed a combined 307 games this season?
Anyway, where was I? Oh, right. The Thunder. They ended up getting locked into the eighth seed and a first-round playoff date with the Lakers by losing 103-95 to the Roy-less Blazers, who got a season-high 30 points and 13 rebounds from Marcus Camby. Not only did the Camby Man go 12-for-16 from the field, but he submitted his highest scoring output since going off for 33 points against (of course) the Phoenix Suns on December 2, 2005.
More fun facts: Oklahoma City got pounded 60-40 in the paint and gave up 27 points off 16 turnovers.
The Washington
Said Shaun Livingston: "Both offensively and defensively, it was just a total meltdown."
Added "Mr. Responsible" Andray Blatch: "We weren't disciplined in the fourth quarter. Plain and simple. They hit a couple of shots and we just lost our mind. We were like a chicken without a head out there."
Update! Andray Blatch: From AnacondaHL: "Extra bit from the Whizz-Bricks game: With Washington up 92-83, about 9 minutes left in the game, the Blatche Watch (hurrdurf) began. Having picked up his 5th PF, but having already collected a 17/10/7, Blatche started upping the amount of forced passes to teammates (this had been going on since the 3rd period), shooting for that triple-double. This of course opens a 20-2 run for the Knicks, eventually leading to the 40 point 4th quarter and a NY win. If the camera were any closer, I would have loved to see each sneer made when teammates missed shots and layups on potential assists."
Wow. It's like Blatch is channeling Wilt Chamberlain from the season the Dipper lead the league in assists. (It was 1967-68 in case you're interested.)
Tracy McGrady: Mr. "Sixth man? I don't see myself being a sixth man. I mean, I haven't fallen off that...much. I've been hurt the last two years. But I ain't fallen off that much." missed last night's game with a "DNP Knee" because he still can't handle back-to-back games.
But he hasn't fallen off that much.
Mike D'Antoni, quote machine: Regarding the "hope" the Bricks have after completing their franchise record ninth consecutive losing season: "The fans need to hang in there a bit with us and hopefully we'll get the job done. It's going to be a tough summer, but they've hung this long so they might as well wait a few months and see what happens."
Paul Pierce and his delusions of grandeur: From Basketbawful reader winnetou: "Paul Pierce, Dunning-Kruger effect representative, when asked about the Celtics' playoff ambitions and chances: 'We want to be the champs. That’s the minimum level [of achievement to consider the season a success]. I don’t care what our record is. I don’t care how we’ve played. Our minimum level is winning the championship. That’s been our goal since we brought the team together, and that’s not changed.' But is it realistic? 'Yeah,' Pierce said. 'Without question.' (Boston Herald via TrueHoop)."
Update! Lacktion report: Evil e-mail gremlins sent chris's brilliant lacktion report to my Spam folder. I guess the Yahoo! e-mail administrators don't like lacktion.
Heat-Sixers: Joel Anthony made one steal in 19:23 as Miami's starting big man, yet bricked twice, took a rejection, and gained two fouls for a 2:0 Voskuhl.
Raptors-Pistons: Rasho Nesterovic lost the rock once in 4:35 for a +1 suck differential, also worthy of a 1:0 Madsen-level Voskuhl. Marcus Banks collected on a single-giveaway +1 as well, but in 1:24.
Bobcats-Nyets: Nazr Mohammed spent 18:07 collecting two boards, only to take a rejection and three fouls and giveaways each for a 6:2 Voskuhl.
Hawks-Bucks: I guess it's time for the raccoon tail, as THE Mario West and Randolph Morris have become Mario Brothers for the THIRD time in about a week, in 10 seconds of screen time shared with Fred Savage and Rilo Kiley's Jenny Lewis!
Dan Gadzuric fouled twice and bricked once in 4:27 to earn a +3 that also garnered a 2:0 Voskuhl. Primoz Brezec brought home the bacon with a 3.9 trillion (3:55) for Milwaukee.
Wolves-Spurs: Damien Wilkins bricked twice (once from the Riverwalk) and fouled twice in 8:02 for a +4!
Rockets-Kings: With Discount Store returning to Sactown for his first capital-area blue light special in months, Ime Udoka was able to save up 1.25 trillion (1:15)!
Labels: Detroit Pistons, Indiana Pacers, Los Angeles Clippers, Memphis Grizzlies, Milwaukee Bucks, Minnesota Timberwolves, New Jersey Nets, Philadelphia 76ers, Worst of the Night
The New York Knicks: Hey! Hey, LeBron! Check us out...two straight road wins! We busted the Mavericks' 13-game winning streak with a 128-94 win in Dallas and then followed it up by rallying past an underachieving but very talented Sixers team in Philly. See?? The system works! Danilo Gallinari is showing signs and rookie Toney Douglas has looked like a keeper the last couple games. This can happen! We can make this into magic! Please look at us, LeBron! PLEASE LOOK AT US!!
The Philadelphia 76ers: The Sixers shot 38 percent from the field and scored 29 points...in the second half. When a Mike 'Antoni _efense shuts you down at your place, you have problems. Deep, ugly problems.
Said Philly coach Eddie Jordan: "We had open looks. We couldn't make shots."
Speaking of which...
Andre Iguodala: Iggy went 5-for-22 from the field and 0-for-7 from downtown. In fact, Iguodala is 1-for-19 from beyond the arc in his last four games.
Said Jordan: "He's human."
Uh, or less. I'm tempted to bring up his $80 million contract, but I wo...whoops! Hey, speaking of 80 Million Dollar Men...
Elton Brand: The line: 7 points, 3-for-8, 3 rebounds and 2 turnovers in 22 minutes. It's like a plane crashed onto a train that was running into a burning orphanage full of newborn puppies. This dude used to be a 20-10 machine! Never underestimate the lingering effect of the Clippers taint.
Eddie Curry: According to the AP game notes: "Knicks C Eddy Curry missed the game with a sore right calf." Is there any point to Eddy Curry updates at this point? And if there is, why not make something better up? Maybe, "Knicks C Eddy Curry missed the game with an infestation of puppet testicles."
The Detroit Pistons: Joe Dumars'
The Pistons gave up 27 points off 18 turnovers, surrendered 62 percent shooting, and let the aging Celtics (who were playing the second game of back-to-backs) run out for 21 fast break points.
Said Pistons coach John Kuester: "They were good. We were bad."
And the hits just keep on coming. With 4:53 left in the first quarter, Tayshaun Prince got kneed in the back by teammate Jason Maxiell. Prince spent the next several minutes on the floor holding his back Hulk Hogan-style before limping off with assistance. That was the end of his night.
Mind you, the Pistons were already without Rodney Stuckey, who missed his fifth straight game since collapsing on the bench during a game against the Crabs in Cleveland. It's bad enough Detroit sucks...but nobody can stay healthy either.
Said Rip Hamilton: "We've been hurt all year, and another guy goes down. It's one of those things where you're like, 'Come on, man. Are you serious?' But it's tough."
Nate Robinson: I love garbage time dunks as much as the next guy, but really, there's no reason to hotdog it by hanging on the rim too.
Boston fans: From the AP game notes: "Another development that Red Auerbach would have never allowed: Fans did the wave in the second quarter. Longtime observers said they could not remember that happening at a Celtics home game, ever." I hope they installed a giant hamster wheel in Red's grave, considering all the post-mortem rolling around he's been doing.
The Denver Nuggets: Losing at home to a scrappy Rockets team isn't all that shameful in and of itself, but rumor has it that Don Nelson and Mike 'Antoni both called David Stern to complain about how _enver stole their _efensive schemes. The Nuggets let the Rockets score 125 points on 57 percent shooting. Houston racked up 28 points on the fast break and 54 points in the paint.
Mind you, the Nuggets led 104-93 with 10 minutes left in the fourth quarter...after which they were outscored 32-19.
More fun facts from this defenseless mess: Carmelo Anthony scored a game-high 45 points -- his seventh, 40-point game this season -- but rather infamously joined Monta Ellis as the only other player this season to lose when scoring 45 points or more. Also, this was Denver's first loss in 29 games this season when scoring 110+points. Total defensive fail.
Chauncey Billups: His line was okay -- 17 points, 7-for-13, 4 assists -- but Mr. Big Shot was bitch-slapped by his Houston counterpart, Aaron Brooks, who finished with 31 points (11-for-17) and 9 assists. Brooks also hit the game-winning jumper with 2.9 seconds left.
It's also worth noting that Billups fouled Luis Scola on a layup attempt with 41 seconds left. Scola converted the "And 1!" to put the Rockets ahead 122-121. Billups then committed his sixth foul (on Brooks) with 28 seconds left.
ESPN: Apparently, they think the Rockets rallied past...the Rockets. Does anybody need a Web editor? Because I think there's probably one available today. Thanks to Basketbawful readers Armand A., Jonathan B., Obi, Thomas K., youngstarpd, and an anonymous reader for the multiple heads up.
The Washington
Said Kyle Korver: "It's nice to get one that's a little bit easy."
The Jazz outblasted the Bullets in field goal percentage (52.4 to 36.9), in the paint (52-36) and on the fast break (23-4). Utah won 112-89 despite missing (gak) 14 free throws.
The Gol_en State Warriors: The Lakers and Warriors did their best to show up the defenseless battle between the Nuggets and Rockets...and L.A.'s 124-121 victory came damn close. The Warriors attempted 100 shots, scored 58 points in the paint and 31 on the fast break. They also scored 29 points off 24 forced turnovers. The Lakers shot 56 percent from the field, earned a 42-13 advantage in free throw attempts and outrebounded the Warriors 56-25.
Monta Ellis: Weird game. Monta had 11 assists -- is that a career-high? -- and 5 steals, but he went 5-for-23 from the field and 1-for-6 from three-point range. And his final missed trey, which could have tied the game at the buzzer, bounced on the rim three times before slipping away. Along with the game.
It was one of the worst shooting performances of Monta's career. But he won't hesitate to keep chuckin' 'em up: "I'm a shooter. I'm a shooter until Coach tells me not to shoot anymore. Nothing else I can do."
Chris Hunter, quote machine: Regarding Moped's final shot: "I thought it was going in. It looked like the invisible man tipped it away at the last second."
Kobe Bryant's and Andy Bynum's butter fingers: Mamba committed a season-high 9 turnovers Bynum committed 8. Buttery fingers? Point shaving? I mean, what was that all about?
Said Ron Artest: "It was weird. It was definitely weird."
Definitely.
It was Mamba's most TOs since losing the ball a career-high 11 times in a 90-89 loss to the Pistons on January 31, 2008.
The Los Angeles Clippers: The Hornets stumbled into the Staples Center with a seven-game road losing streak. No matter. They beat the Clippers 108-100 and completed a four-game season sweep of The Other L.A. Team...
...they're still who we thought they were.
Despite a moderate amount of home-cooling -- the Clips had a 19-5 advantage in FTAs -- the Unloveable Losers let the still Chris Paul-less Hornets 56+ percent from the field and 50 percent from long range (9-for-18). And Baron Davis, who had 18 points and 17 dimes, wasn't happy 'bout it.
Said B-Dizzle: "Some guys are playing hard, but we're not getting the collective effort out of everybody night in and night out. It's hard to win is you don't have 15 guys focusing on winning. We're going through a tough stretch, so I'm just trying to encourage my teammates and be as positive as I possibly can, as well as focus on my game and getting back to what I am and what I should be doing out there. I just come to the arena and play hard, try to constantly improve and build for next year. Hopefully I can set some type of example."
Oh, now that you're finally ready to start trying, people need to follow your lead? Really, Baron?! Sounds like this team needs 15 Booms Beards. Actually, make it 30. Two each. You know, make it 31...because there's one Clipper who might need three Booms Beards...
Chris Kaveman: Remember when this guy was bitching about Pau Gasol making the All-Star Team? I dunno, that just seems relevant after Kaveman missed 10 of his first 11 shots finished with only 8 points on 3-for-15 shooting. Oh, and Chris also had only 3 rebounds in 31 minutes. Can we retroactively negate Kaveman's All-Star appearance?
Kaveman was shut the hell down by Emeka Okafor, who, as it turns out, can play defense. Who knew?
Said New Orleans' Darren Collision: "Kaman is an All-Star, but Meke is one of the best defenders in this league. Meke is big and physical, and he can go with pretty much any center in the league. So whenever he steps up to the challenge, this is what we're going to get out of him. We were definitely conscious of Kaman, but most of the credit goes to Meke. He really did a good job of sizing him up and making it tough for him."
Countered L.A.'s Eric Gordon: "He just couldn't hit a jump shot tonight. That was basically it. He missed so many shots, but that happens sometimes."
Lacktion report: Chris is back from the Biggest Little City but has yet to stop tracking the lack!
Nuggets-Rockets: Joey Graham took four fouls in 7:20 for a +4 suck differential.
Lakers-Warriors: Reggie Williams leafed through a stack of dollar bills worth 4.3 trillion (4:18)!!!
Labels: Chris Kaman, Detroit Pistons, Los Angeles Clippers, New York Knicks, Philadelphia 76ers, puppet testicles
The Boston Celtics: When last we saw the Celtics, they got owned by the New Jersey Nyets in Boston. As bad signs go, that's right up there with the Titanic sticking straight up out of the water or the nasty, pimply rash in your nether regions that just won't go away. (Seriously, get that checked out. Immediately.) So what better way to restablish their presumed championship dominance than by dropping the shillelagh on a Pistons team headed for their first 50-loss season in a decade?
Only Detroit (21-39) was up 77-73 early in the fourth quarter.
The Luckless Leprechauns were saved by a trio of treys by Nate Robinson -- who scored 14 points (5-for-7) in 15 minutes -- but the end result still smells pretty fishy. After all, Boston allowed 100+ points for the fifth straight game...which is their longest streak in the Kevin Garnett era. Meanwhile, the Celtics were 9-for-18 from downtown while the Pistons shot 15 percent (3-for-20) from long distance, which was their worst three-point percentage of athe season (with a minimum of 20 attempts).
I'm just sayin'...the C's were a few missed or made shots from losing this one, so Boston fans shouldn't get too excited over this one.
Ben Wallace: When last we saw Big Ben, he was going 1-for-9 from the free throw line, which included consecutive airballs. Last night, he went 0-for-5. But it's even worse than that.
With just over a minute left, Paul Pierce seemingly committed a foul on Pistons rookie Jonas Jerebko. Only the Celtics bitched and bitched until the refs sent Wallace to the line instead. He missed them both, obviously, and then left the game almost immediately with a "knee injury" (it's a shame he didn't claim flu-like symptoms.)
Wallace is now 2-for-20 from the line in Detroit's last five games. And opposing coaches have gone to the Hack-a-Ben strategy twice during that stretch.
Said Pistons coach John Kuester: "Ben has been in this league for a long time, and he knows that he has to work his way out of this. It's certainly not a question of effort -- he's the first one in the gym and the last one out. He hits 70 percent in practice, but he's got to go to the line and make them in the games."
I love it. First one to the gym and the last one out. I swear, every player is described like that these days. Guy must never leave practice. I hope Detroit's practice facility is filled with cots.
Kendrick Perkins: Perk missed the game with flu-like symptoms!
The Miami Heat: The Human Torches snapped their four-game losing streak behind 56 points in the paint, a 50-35 rebounding advantage, and a huge game from Dwyane Wade (35 points, 12 assists, 5 boards, 4 steals). But they also missed 10 free throws and barely pulled out a four-point home victory over a crappy Golden State Warriors team that was without Monta Ellis (strained lower back), Andris Biedrins (athletic pubalgia...heh) and Corey Maggette (ham sandwich).
Said Pookie: "There's no easy wins in the NBA."
Yeah, but there should be, Dwyane. There really should be. I mean, the Warriors had only eight players in costume -- which barely met the league minimum, and they had to call up a D-Leaguer to even do that -- and six of them scored in double figures. Plus, Golden State hit better than 51 percent of their field goal attempts.
Said Heat coach Erik Spoelstra: "Where we are, any win is a good win for us. It wasn't a great game for us, but we got the win, so we'll take it. The only thing that matters right now is that we stay in this fight. However. By whatever means to get it done, we just need to stay in the fight and keep on swinging."
As always, good luck with that, Erik.
The Golden State Warriors: After the loss -- the Warriors' 14th in their last 18 games -- Nellie said: "We made them play, didn't we? We've got no complaints. We played our behinds off. We were able to stay in the game and have a chance to win. We'll take it."
When you're 25 games under .500, you've got to enjoy the little things.
The Sacramento Kings: Good news: The Purple Paupers shot 53+ percent for just the fifth time this season! What's more, Sacto became only the seventh team this season to make more than half of its shots against the Oklahoma City D. In fact, their FGP of 53.9 was the second highest shooting percentage this season against the Thunder, who entered the game with a league-best Opponents FGP of 43.7.
Bad news: They lost anyway, falling to 5-26 on the road and 20-40 overall.
The Thunder's 17 offensive rebounds might have had something to do with the outcome. Sacramento coach Paul Westphal sure thinks so: "To me, we came in against a top level, playoff team in their gym in a game that they really wanted and we played a great game. We played good enough to win, except we couldn't keep them off the glass, so we lost."
Thanks for the stirring analysis, coach. Speaking of Westphal...
Paul Westphal: The Paupers pulled to within 111-107 on a Carl Landry dunk with 34 seconds left, but Westphal instructed his team not to foul. The Thunder then used the entire 24-second shot clock before Kevin Durant missed a baseline jumper. The Best Sacto could manage was an ugly, forced and contested trey by Francisco Garcia in the final five seconds. And, uh, yeah...it didn't go in.
The Indiana Pacers: Kobe Bryant continues to struggle with his shooting -- last night Mamba went 5-for-14 from the field and 0-for-4 from downtown -- but the Pacers are so bad that Bryant could have gone 0-for-40 and the Lakers probably still would have won by double-digits. As it was, L.A. outscored Indy 38-17 in the third quarter to transform a mildly competitive game into the kind of ridiculous joke you'd expect from a ridiculous joke team like the Pacers.
During that third quarter, Indy shot 7-for-20 and committed 7 turnovers for 10 points going the other way. In related news, the Pacers haven't beaten the Lakers in Los Angeles since February 14, 1999. Reggie Miller led the Pacers with 26 points in the win, while Shaq lit up poor Rik Smits for 36 points and 17 rebounds (including 8 offensive).
Bruce Bowen, fashionista: From Basketbawful reader Emmett S.: "Tucker Carlson and Bruce Bowen: Almost universally disliked, renowned for their ackery...and now they have bowties in common, too. Wow."
Questionable Promotions Part 1: Go to a Nyets game! Please! We're begging you! We'll even have your taxes done for free if you do!
No, I'm not kidding.
The best part of this promotion? Roni Deutch -- the tax attorney who's willing to crunch numbers for anybody brave enough to sit through two-plus hours of horrifying basketball -- said: "The hallmark of a strong company is one that aligns with young companies. I'm a betting woman, and I think the Nets are going to win a championship this decade."
I wonder if Roni knows what a "decade" is? Mental note: Do not let Roni Deutch do my taxes. Or balance my checkbook. Or count my loose change.
Questionable Promotions Part 2: I'm guessing the Memphis Grizzlies are going to remove "Fan Trampoline Dunk" from their in-game promotional series. Of course, they're doing it about one near-decapitation too late. [Thanks to chris for the link.]
Michael Jordan: The Greatest Player of All Time just lost two games of H-O-R-S-E to a rookie who's shooting less than 34 percent from the field. Oh yes he did. Maybe MJ should stick to picking on old, sick people. And Bryon Russell.
Clutch the Bear: Belated but worth it: Clutch gets nekkid to disrupt a free throw. This Bear will do anything to win! [Thanks again to chris for the link.]
Laction report: Despite the Paupers' near miss in OKC, chris still found the will to give us our daily lacktion fix:
Celtics-Pistons: Brian Scalabrine was spooked after only 8 seconds in Castlevania, leading to a Super Mario! Meanwhile, DaJuan Summers bounced around a level of Araknoid in 24 seconds for a regular Mario. (In non-lacktion related news, Kevin Garnett was clearly *word that KG mouths on the sidelines*-ing around with 9 boards and 14 points for a Calvin Murphy.)
Kings-Thunder: Ime Udoka rescued Princess Peach and earned a 30-second speed date that counted as a Mario, while Dominic McGuire continues to make his case for the All-Lacktion Team with tonight's cashout of 2.45 trillion (2:27), his first non-productive moment for the Paupers!!!
Labels: Ben Wallace, Boston Celtics, Bruce Bowen, Detroit Pistons, Indiana Pacers, Los Angeles Lakers, Sacramento Kings, Worst of the Night
Every year, in the final days before the All-Star Break, teams start to cash it in both mentally and physically. This results in some of the worst ball of the season. There were 10 games on the slate last night. Six of them were blowouts, and the Suns had to scramble to avoid geting blown out at home.
In honor of the pre-All-Star bawfulness, each of today's entries is preceded by a demotivational line from Despair, Inc. It just seemed appropriate.
Agony: Not all pain is gain: To the Chicago Bulls, who got blown out at home 107-87 by the Orlando Magic. This game ended two minutes and 26 seconds into the first quarter when Derrick Rose drove to the cup and got dropped by Dwight Howard. Rose left the game with a bruised right hip and did not return. The Bulls -- who were down by only three points when D-Rose made his exit -- fell behind 41-17 by the end of the quarter. Chicago probably would have just conceded the game, but David Stern is a real stickler for that whole "playing a full 48 minutes" thing.
Underachievement: The tallest blade of grass is the first to be cut by the lawnmower: The Hawks entered last night's game as one of the league's best home teams. The Heat, meanwhile, were strictly middle of the pack no matter where they play. Maybe worse. But Miami's 94-76 win in Atlanta makes you wonder: Are the Heat actually that good -- and I mean potentially -- or are the Hawks just who we kind of thought they were?
It's hard to say. But Miami outscored Atlanta 27-12 in the final 12 minutes. Said Hawks coach Mike Woodson: "Just an awful fourth quarter. We just ran out of juice or just didn't have the energy to get through it."
Remember: Some people would have you believe the Hawks are contenders. Sometimes high expectations just lead to a longer, harder fall. Just sayin'.
By the way, Basketbawful reader Mike F. noticed some grand underachievement by the Atlanta pine riders, who were missing Jamal Crawford and Zaza Howeveryouspellhislastname: "I had to take my contacts out and put in glasses for the rest of my night after watching the Atlanta Hawks in the 4th Quarter. It's bad enough when you get outscored 27-12 and they got beat by Deaquan Cook all game long but when watching the game I noticed just how badly their bench played. So I looked at the box score after the game. The Miami Heat bench outscored the Hawks 45-8. I know they were without Zaza and Crawford. Still, thats some serious laction. Good thing I hadn't eaten dinner yet."
Teamwork: None of us is as dumb as all of us: The Philadelphia 76ers had won five games in a row, including two straight at home for the first time all season. And all of a sudden, people were talking about how Philly's season "isn't over" and that they "still had a chance to make the playoffs."
Really?
Last night's 104-93 road loss to the Craptors was a bitter dose of reality. Not only did the Sixers lose, Elton "The 80 Million Dollar Man" Brand got all pissy when Philly coach Eddie Jordan replaced him with guard Royal Ivey to start the second half. Ivey played the entire third quarter while Brand sulked on the bench until 1:48 remained in the third. When Brand finally got off his ass, the Sixers were down 76-53.
Bitched Brand: "I don't call the shots, I just go out there and play the best I can. I don't feel it was my fault, but I'm easy to get pulled, it seems."
Said Jordan: "I went with a small lineup and it backfired. It happens."
Continue Brand: "We weren't down enough to switch what we've been doing in a five-game win streak. That's what we did and we paid for it. We were down too much to fight back, even though we almost won it."
Meanwhile, Louis Williams wasn't so sure Jordan made the wrong move: "I wouldn't say it backfired because guys took the message. The message was, 'If you guys don't want to play, especially before the [All-Star] break, we'll play other guys.' Once other guys came in the game, the message was very clear. We played that second half like we should have played the first half."
One big happy family, those Sixers.
Mistakes: It could be that the purpose of your life is only to serve as a warning to other: A few short years ago, Joe Dumars was widely regarded as one of the top GMs in the NBA. He made the Pistons into one of the league's best teams even though they didn't really have a true superstar. Joe seemed untouchable, even if he picked Darko Milicic over guys like Carmelo Anthony and Dwyane Wade.
That's all changed, especially in the last couple years, what with his exile of Chauncey Billups (for Allen Iverson!) and the $90 million he overpaid for Ben Gordon and Charlie Villanueva. The Pistons are now one of the league's worst teams, whether they're hurt or healthy, apparently. Chuckie V finished with 11 points and 3 boards, Gordon went 0-for-8, and Detroit lost at home...to the Excremento Kings.
And the Pistons fell vicitm to a scoring explosion for -- wait for it...waaaaait for it -- Beno Udrih, who scored 18 of his 22 points in the first half. Getting whupped by Beno might be a new low point of a very low season for Detroit.
Said Piston's coach John Kuester: "Udrih just lit us up. He barely played in New York, but he was great tonight. Guys like that are in the NBA for a reason, and you have to respect them."
But you don't have to respect the Pistons. Not anymore.
Said Villaneuva: "This was very disappointing. We gave them that game."
Mmmm. Sour grapy.
Losing: If at first you don't succeed, failure may just be your style: No demotivational saying could be more appropriate for the 2009-10 New Jersey Nyets, who lost at home last night to the Milwaukee Bucks. And the opening of the AP recap sums things up pretty well:
It was a sad sight in a sorry season.Update! Here's a bonus empty arena pic from Basketbawful reader Pat:
In front of about 1,000 fans, the New Jersey Nets lost for the 48th time before the All-Star break, trounced 97-77 by the Milwaukee Bucks on Wednesday night.
To be fair, the sparse crowd was at least partly due to a storm called "snowmageddon" that dumped more than a foot of snow on the New York region. But the Nyets haven't exactly been selling out the IZOD center recently...know what I'm sayin'?
Mind you, the Bucks were coming off an ugly loss to the lowly Pistons. But that didn't stop them from introducing the Nyets to their pimp hand.
Said Nets interim taskmaster Kiki Vandeweghe: "I'm not sure exactly what happened, but this is the first time in I think eight or nine games where we didn't compete in the second half. I'm not sure exactly what happened...people looked very tired to me."
Yeah. Tired of sucking. That takes a lot out of people.
By the way, Devin Harris was back with 27 points and 9 assists. But you never would have known it.
Overconfidence: Before you attempt to beat the odds, be sure you can survive he odds beating you: The Boston Celtics began the season with dreams of a 70-win season. According to Rasheed Wallace, anyway. But history should have taught the Celtics that those "Guaran'sheeds" can backfire wildly, even tragically. That's been the case this season, as the Celtics have fallen from "Championship Contender" to "probably going down in the second round...again."
Paul Pierce played...poorly (4-for-11, 8 turnovers). Ray Allen did not (back spasms). The Unlucky Leprechauns built a 12-point halftime lead before bricking 10 of their 13 second-half free throw attempts and getting lit the hell up by a rookie who's being forced to carry a "Little Mermaid" suitcase around with him (Darren Collison scored 13 of his 25 points in the fourth quarter, including 11 straight at one point).
FAIL.
Of course, Collison also set a Hornets franchise record by committing 10 turnovers, making him one assist shy of the ultra-rare triple-bumble. If only he'd dished one more dime!
Collison might have owned the Celtics in the fourth quarter, but Boston's collapse started in the third, when they were outscored 29-12.
Said Doc Rivers: "Our defense was terrible in the third quarter." Uh...what about your offense? I mean...12 points?!
Delusions: There is no joy greater than soaring high on the wings of your dreams, except maybe the joy of watching a dreamer who has nowhere to land buin the ocean of reality: Boy...every time you start to think the Phoenix Suns are right there, you find out "there" isn't really where you want them to be. Not if you're a Phoenix fan, anyway. After 4-0 road trip, the Suns were riding a five-game winning streak and five full days of rest. The Frail Blazers, on the other hand, were still without Brandon Roy and didn't arrive in Phoenix until 3 a.m. following a humiliating 89-77 home loss to the Oklahoma City Thunder.
Yet Portland built a 16-point halftime lead and went on to win 108-101.
Said Suns coach Alvin Gentry: "They outhustled us, they came up with big plays, they made good passes. They did everything that we didn't do. ... We weren't ready to play and we didn't play with a whole lot of energy and passion, and when we don't do that, we're not very good. We become a very, very, very average team."
Very.
Basketbawful reader Hajt provided an even better quote from Gentry: "We sucked. We sucked. I mean we sucked. In all phases of it. They drove it to the basket. They made jump shots. We had to end up double-teaming and they swung the ball and either made jump shots or drove it to the basket. We didn't play. They scored 66 last night. They had 60 at the half. So our defense was terrible. In the five games we won we were pretty good defensively and did a pretty good job. We didn't tonight. Thanks."
No, Alvin. Thank you.
Incompetence: When you earnestly believe you can compensate for a lack of skill by doubling your efforts, there's no end to what you can't do. In the second quarter of last night's home game against the Bobcats, the Minnesota Timberpoops fell face-first into 21-point hole. However, they cut the lead to 10 points after three quarters and then mounted a furious fourth-quarter comeback, outscoring Charlotte 22-13 in final 12 minutes. Heck, they even took a three-point lead on Al Jefferson's jump-hook with less than a minute to play.
You know where this is going, right?
Of course you do. But it's even more bawful than you know. With less than 10 seconds left and the Timberpoops up by a single point, Boris Diaw bricked a 21-footer...but Minnesota's Corey Brewer saved the ball from going out of bounds right into the hands of Charlotte's Nazr Mohammed, who dunked the 'Cats to a 93-92 win.
Said Minny coach Kurt Rambis: "Normally you don't want to throw the ball back under your opponent's basket."
Normally.
Added Rambis: "But we also had three players who were standing around 20 feet from the basket and not one of them made a move to the basket when the shot went up."
Good point, Kurt. It was definitely a team fail as opposed to an individual fail. Thanks for straightening that out.
Limitations: Until you spread your wings, you'll have no idea how far you can walk: The Utah Jazz appeared to be red-hot heading into last night's matchup with the Lakers. The Mormon Musicians had won nine in a row and 13 of their last 14 games. And they were playing at home. And L.A. was still without Kobe Bryant and Andrew Bynum.
No matter.
The Lakers jumped out to a 31-18 lead after one quarter and went on to win 96-81 over a Jazz team that apparently needed some 5-Hour Energy.
Said Jerry Sloan: "Where our energy was is beyond me. Our energy level was very, very low."
Added Deron Williams: "They had more energy than us tonight. They played harder, competed harder and looked like they wanted the game more."
By the way, Pau Gasol had another monster game: 22 points (10-for-15), 19 rebounds, 4 assists and 5 blocked shots. Honestly? Kobe or no Kobe, I think Pau may be the best player on this team. I doubt anybody will ever take that assertion seriously because Pau won't ever average 30 PPG or hit all the tough (and, really, needlessly difficult) shots Kobe does, but Gasol really does do everything you want a player to do. There's a reason L.A.'s fortunes turned around when Mitch Kupchak pulled off the heist that brought Pau to the Lakers.
Think Chris Kaveman is ready to stop bitching about Pau being an All-Star?
Also, Lamar Odom said "Get out of my way, Saturn!" with a 25-point, 11-rebound performance.
By the way: The Jazz missed 12 free throws. Gak.
Ineptitude: If you can’t learn to do something well, learn to enjoy doing it poorly: That's really the best possible advice I could give to each and every single player on the Los Angeles Clippers. And I'm talking past, present and future. The Other L.A. Team is forever doomed to be who we thought they were. This never seemed any more true than after their 132-102 road loss to the Gol_en State Warriors, who are embroiled in a pathetic slap fight with the Minnesota Timberpoops for the honor of being the Second-Worst Team in the League.
Since Mike Dunleavy got canned, the Clippers have lost three in a row by a total of 57 points.
Said Clippers interim
Added Baron Davis: "We didn't have any rhythm or continuity on offense, and our defense was even worse. It's going to take some soul searching from each and every individual. We have been spiraling down and we need to stop that."
Yes. Stop that.
Stat check: The Warriors shot 62 percent from the field and nearly 60 from downtown. To further break that down for you, they hit 76 percent of their shots at the rim (16-for-21), 75 percent of their shots inside 10 feet (6-for-8), 60 percent of their shots from 10-15 feet (3-for-5), 50 percent of their shots from 16-23 feet (11-for-22) and 59 percent of their treys (13-for-22).
Hands? Faces? Anybody? Bueller?
By the way, Chris "Wah! Pau Gasol shouldn't be an All-Star! Wah!" Kaveman -- who, after much bitching and complaining became an All-Star injury replacement -- finished with 13 points, 4 rebounds, zero blocks and 3 turnovers.
Lacktion report: Chris is flying high thanks to Sacto's two-game winning streak. But not too high to report last night's lactivity:
Heat-Hawks: Jason Collins fouled twice and lost the rock once in 3:51 for a +3 suck differential that also doubled as a 3:0 Voskuhl! THE Mario West continues his never-ending mission to climb a few ladders to rescue Pauline, as seen with tonight's 55 second Mario.
Kings-Pistons: Jon Brockman may be known as the "Brock Ness Monster" for his critical blocking skills, but tonight he took down a celebratory monsterous money pile worth 3.25 trillion (3:15)!
Bucks-Nyets: In his continuing return to bench duty, Chris Douglas-Roberts bricked once in 3:35 for a +1.
Bobcats-Wolves: Tyson Chandler earned himself a 100% shooting percentage (via one field goal) and two boards in 11:31, but also racked up four fouls and a giveaway for a 5:4 Voskuhl.
Celtics-Hornets: Julian Wright fouled once while cleaning a drain in 43 seconds for a Mario that also doubles as a +1.
Lakers-Jazz: Sure, his career will forever be defined by that game-winner against the Crabs, but Sundiata Gaines continues to spend more time in lacktivity than anything else, as seen with tonight's +2 in 2:50 via brick and block.
Labels: Boston Celtics, Chicago Bulls, Demotivation, Detroit Pistons, Los Angeles Clippers, New Jersey Nets, Phoenix Suns, Utah Jazz, Worst of the Night
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