"Gimme your lunch money, kid! I'll shake it out of your pockets if you don't give it to me!"
Anyone else really disappointed Bawful didn't inform us he missed today's post thanks to "flu-like symptoms?" For shame.

The NBA -- rather approprately -- scheduled an April Fool's Day game between the Cadavers and Generals. Even more appropriately, jose3030 discovered this sweet ticket deal on Stubhub:

Uh, I think I'm going to need to get a different credit card to buy those, Stubhub. Gimme a few minutes...

Worst of the Weekend in Pictures:

Is it possible that Andrei Kirilenko's strategy is to distract his opponents with his ridiculous hair and general appearance?

"Wow, your face is soft! Do you use moisturizer?"

I've seen a pic of Tim Duncan doing this like 825 times, but it still creeps me out

"You see that ball? Yes, ball. See that round thingy? That's a hoop. Put ball in hoop. Got it?"

Robert Sarver finally is hit with the terrible realization that he's wasted Steve Nash's career

I haven't seen a face that smug since this guy:


Nationally Televised Games:
Spurs at Heat, ESPN, 8pm: This game speaks for itself, so I'm just going to post this randomly amazing animated GIF of Jeff Van Gundy that JE Skeets shared earlier today.

Woah.

Magic at Lakers, ESPN, 10:30pm: Controversy!! Dwight Howard has seemingly shunned Marcin Gortat. Per Gortat: “We didn’t shake our hands, we didn’t talk to each other, we didn’t say anything. And that’s fine, at the end of the day he’s on a different team, I’m on a different team, and I’m a grown-ass man, I don’t need him any more.” Anyone else picturing Dwight Howard making a frowny face in response to this? Because I am. And it is making me chortle.

All The Other Games:
Celtics at Nyets, 7pm: According to The Score's shot chart for the downright ridiculous Celtics/Bucks 87-56 game yesterday, Troy Murphy appears to have a made shot from out of bounds behind the backboard. Nice. I was unaware HORSE shots counted in the NBA.

Thunder at Wizards, 7pm: Kendrick Perkins might be making his Thunder debut against the Generals. Way to kick a team when they're down, guys.

Nuggets at Hornets, 8pm: Protip: don't count on JR Smith shooting lights friggin' out from downtown in the 4th quarter every game like he did against Detroit. That was maaaaaaaybe just an aberration.

Clippers at Grizzlies, 8pm: Three of the Grizzlies' remaining 15 games are against the Clippers. Talk about favorable scheduling down the stretch.

Suns at Rockets, 8:30pm: Steve Nash is expected to miss his second straight game with what the team has called "pelvic instability." (I'm not sure what that is, but it sounds worse than the "pelvic inactivity" which I just decided is great euphamism for a lack of sex that I will have to casually drop into conversation at some point soon.) But either way, Aaron Brooks will get the start. Against his former team. Intriguing...

76ers at Jazz, 9pm: It's possible that the Sixers can sweep the Jazz for the first time in 23 years. Mind-boggling.

Warriors at Kings, 10pm: You mean to tell me Kevin Love's double-double streak was ended by the Warriors? Oh snap! The Kings might not break 50 points in this game!

Labels: Bawful After Dark, Cleveland Cavaliers, Jeff Van Gundy, Washington Wizards

This is what it looks like when a team dies.
The Weather: After cheating all but about a thousand Charlotte area residents out of a gripping blowout of the Grizzlies, the weather robbed everybody in Atlanta of a thrilling matchup between two of the league's slowest teams (the Hawks and Bucks rank 25th and 24th in Pace, respectively). Until March 15th anyway. And did I mention Milwaukee is ranked 29th in Offensive Rating and dead last in PPG. How could you do this, weather? How could you?

The Philadelphia 76ers: Speaking of the weather, it limited the crowd of the Pacers-Sixers game in Philly to about 5,000 due to a pending snowstorm. Bummer, huh?

It was just as well, since the home team let Indy score 111 points on 51 percent shooting and end a nine-game road losing streak.

Homecourt fail.

By the way, I'm giving Andre Iguodala Worst Player of the Night dishonors for his triumphant return of one point on 0-for-7 shooting in 33 minutes.

Interestingly enough, the last time the Pacers won a road game was on November 30th against (of course) the Kings. Speaking of which...

The Sacramento Kings: Did you hear the news?! Arco Arena is going to be renamed Power Balance Pavilion. You know, after Power Balance bracelets. Basically, they're rubber bands that "improve" athletic performance, probably by reducing the weight of the athlete's wallet, leading to increased speed and vertical leap.

From their official Web site:

What is Power Balance?

Power Balance is Performance Technology designed to work with your body's natural energy field. Founded by athletes, Power Balance is a favorite among elite athletes for whom balance, strength and flexibility are important.

How Does the Hologram Work?

Power Balance is based on the idea of optimizing the body's natural energy flow, similar to concepts behind many Eastern philosophies. The hologram in Power Balance is designed to resonate with and respond to the natural energy field of the body.

Don't laugh. These claims may sound outrageous to the point of insanity, but they're real. Ever wonder how the Loch Ness Monster and Sasquatch have remained hidden all these years? Curious how Santa Clause delivers presents to every kid in the world in just a few hours? Have you questioned why the Dark Lord Satan hasn't dragged Kobe Bryant straight back to the pits of Hell from whence he came?

Here's the answer: They're all wearing Power Balance bracelets.

True story.

Anyway, the Kings must have been wearing Power Balance bracelets, because they went out and scored 133 points last night...

...but gave up 136 and lost to the Washington Wizards Generals.

The Minnesota Timberwolves: Wow. I mean, just, wow. Okay, so the Timberwolves had sliced and diced San Antonio's 16-point lead down to only six (68-62). Then, with about eight and a half minutes left in the third quarter, Minnesota native and NBA official Ken Mauer decided he had seen enough of the comeback.

Said Mauer: "YOU WILL RESPECT MY AUTHORITAH!" And he meant it.

Mauer tagged Darko Milicic and Corey Brewer with technical fouls for gesturing toward him on the same play. Timberwolves coach Kurt Rambis approached Mauer to discuss the techs and received two of his own (and the automatic ejection that came with them). Seconds later, Mauer T'd up Kevin Love because Love threw up his arms and yelled after Tim Duncan raped him on a rebound attempt.

That made a total of five technical fouls and one ejection in 10 seconds. Manu Ginobili drilled all five of the ensuing free throws and suddenly the T-Wolves were down 73-62. They played the Spurs even the rest of the way and lost 107-96.


Love -- who had yet another Animal-Style double-double of 20 points and 20 boards -- said: "I've never seen that before. Five in a row, that had to be a first. That was crazy."

Added Michael Beasley: "I've never seen that. Never. I've seen simultaneous Ts on different teams. But on the same team, that was a first. It's been happening all year. ... I don't like getting five Ts in 30 seconds, but you've got to see where the refs are coming from. If they feel you're out of place, they've been doing it all year."

Even Manu felt a little bad for the Timberwolves.

"I was glad it was us shooting," Ginobili said. "It was kind of awkward. It was strange."

The Phoenix Suns: This is getting uglier by the day. The Suns appeared to be catching the Nuggets at just the right time. Denver was mired in a three-game losing streak and, with Carmelo Anthony trade rumors swirling around, the ship appeared to be going down faster than the Titanic. Sure enough, Phoenix raced out to a 32-20 lead after one quarter...

...then got outscored 82-40 in the second and third quarters.

The Suns shot 36 percent while the Nuggets shot nearly 56 percent. The 44 points Denver scored in the second quarter represented a season high. Carmelo Anthony had a double-double (28 points and 10 boards) and Arron Afflalo made it fucking rain, scoring a career-high 31 points on 11-for-14 shooting. In fact, Afflalo, a shooting guard, outrebounded Suns starting Center Robin Lopez 9-1.

It was that kind of night.

From the Elias Sports Bureau (via ESPN Stats and Information):

The Nuggets trailed the Suns 32-20 at the end of the first quarter, but rallied to win, 132-98. Denver set an NBA record during the shot-clock era for largest margin of victory for a team that was behind by at least 12 points heading into the second quarter.

By the way, that 34-point margin of defeat was the largest ever suffered by Phoenix against the Nuggets. Historic fail.

Said Steve Nash: "It feels like there's a little lack of cohesion and chemistry. I don't feel like we're getting that performance and effort that we're accustomed to, and that's disappointing. It seems like when we lose the momentum, we just go downhill fast. It's like we stop believing. We're all concerned and disappointed. We've got to keep fighting; that's all we can do. You can't cry about it; you've got to keep fighting."

I'm pretty sure that's what Apollo Creed was thinking right before Ivan Drago beat him to death.

As for that "lack of cohesion and chemistry" Steve is talking about, Robert Sarver let STAT walk, then overpaid for Channing Frye and Hakim Warrick, then traded for Hedo Turkoglu, then flipped Turkododo and Jason Richardson -- who was probably their best player not named "Nash" -- for Vince Carter, whom the Magic were eager to dump because he's limping his way to the NBA Glue Factory.

There's no cohesion because shit doesn't stick.

The Cleveland Cavaliers: When the Mayans prophesized an apocalyptic, worldwide disaster in the year 2012, maybe they were right. Maybe they just overshot the mark by a year. And maybe that "apocalyptic, worldwide disaster" they predicted was actually the Cleveland Cavaliers. It makes more sense than John Cusack outrunning an earthquake, right?

Anyway, I keep thinking things can't possibly get any worse for Cleveland. I just keep thinking it. And I keep being wrong. So very, very wrong.

Heading into last night's game against the Lakers in L.A., the Cavaliers had lost 10 straight and 19 of their last 20 games. They were already an NBA-worst 8-29. On top of that, they were without starting center Anderson Varejao, who tore a tendon in his right ankle while running at practice, Joey Graham (right quad strain), Daniel Gibson (left ankle sprain), Leon Powe (right torn meniscus) and Anthony Parker (lower back strain).

And the Lakers beat them. And beat them. And beat them some more. The Cavs scoring, by quarter, went: 12, 13, 16 and 16. They finished with 57 points. And lost by 55.

Said Kobe Bryant: "You don't ever imagine something like that."

Somebody call 911 for the Cavaliers. Actually, forget it. It's too late for that. The box score reads like an autopsy report. None of Cleveland's starters scored in double figures. In fact, that unit combined to shoot 8-for-37. Some cat named Samardo Samuels came off their bench and went 1-for-12. It was just a remorseless slaughter. The Lakers pummeled them to death the way that, well, Ivan Drago pummeled Apollo Creed to death.

Sorry. I couldn't help myself.
More autopsy details from ESPN Stats and Information:

The Los Angeles Lakers made it look easy against the Cleveland Cavaliers Tuesday night at Staples Center winning 112-57. The 55-point win was the largest margin of victory in the NBA in nearly 13 years. The last time a team won by 55 or more points was on February 27, 1998 when the Indiana Pacers defeated the Portland Trail Blazers 124-59.

Cleveland's 57 points Tuesday was its fewest in franchise history. It was the fewest points the Lakers have allowed in the shot-clock era (since 1954).

The Cavs were 1-14 from 3-point range, committed 19 turnovers and scored just 25 points in the first half. Prior to Tuesday, Cleveland was 8-3 in its last 11 games against the Lakers scoring no fewer than 88 points in each game.

Here's more wood on the fire from Brian Kamenetzky of Land O' Lakers:

Since the advent of the shot clock (lest you think it recent, it's been around since the '54-'55 season), the fewest points allowed by the Lakers was 66. Tonight, they flat dusted that mark. Cleveland scored 12 points in the quarter, then 10 in the second. Coming out of the break, they EXPLODED for 16, and managed to repeat the feat in the fourth. Was it great defense? Incompetent offense? Something in the water?

I will say I witnessed quite simply the worst play I've ever seen at the NBA level, when Ryan Hollins, after blocking Kobe Bryant underneath led the Cavs up court, flanked by teammates on each side. He proceeded to more or less hand the ball to Pau Gasol, stationed about three-quarters of the way up to half court. Gasol flipped it to Kobe, who popped the ball off the backboard to Andrew Bynum for a dunk.

Effectively, Hollins turned a five-on-two break into a three-on-oh the other way as James Naismith flopped like a landed trout in his grave.

Said Cavs coach Byron Scott: "I thought that was embarrassing. I told them at halftime, 'You look scared. You look flat-out scared. You're playing against the world champions, and instead of just competing and playing hard, you look scared. You look scared to death.' That was my take on it, as simple as that. We knew it wasn't going to be easy, but to come out and not compete? There's no excuse for that. I'm embarrassed because of the way we performed. I'm a Cleveland Cavalier right now and the way we performed last night, that's embarrassing to me. I had one other team [New Jersey] come in and I thought we looked a little nervous. But that was the NBA Finals. I haven't had another team come in and look that scared."

You think that sounds bad?

Added Antawn Jamison: "It can't be any worse than this. If it is, someone will have to help me because I don't know how much of this I can take. This by far is rock bottom. It's definitely by far one of the most embarrassing moments that I've been a part of as far as basketball."

And this is from a guy who spent a combined 10-plus years playing for the Golden State Warriors and Washington Wizards Generals. Dude was on a 19-win team that started the seaon 6-30. Then he was the leading scorer on a 17-win team that lost 32 of its last 34 games...a stretch that included losing streaks of 8, 11, and 13 games.

So, yeah, Antawn knows what rock bottom is. And this is it.

Update! More angst from Antawn: "Fifty-five points? That's, like, impossible. We're professional athletes. How do you lose by 55 points? I don't care who you're playing against. I mean, if this doesn't hurt...I don't understand how we're able to have conversations in the locker room. There's nothing to talk about. We have to do some soul searching quick because no matter who we play, right now they feel like they can beat us. If we don't have a sense of pride and just play for yourself or something...this might be one of the worst teams to go through a season. The frustrating part about it is I know we're better than this. I don't know. Something has to change."

Update! Mo Williams Tweeted about what happened: "This shit is embarrassing. I feel like I can't even show my face in Cleve."

You know it's bad when you feel like you can't show your face in Cleveland.

LeBron James: He could have left it alone. He could have kept his damn mouth shut for a change. If he was going to enjoy Cleveland's abject and utter misery, he could have done it quietly behind closed doors. But remember: This is a guy who castrated his hometown in an hour-long, ego-stroking infomercial that aired on ESPN. So, if anything, when LeBron James decides to be an asshole, he opts for maximum exposure of his royal sphincter.

And so here's what he Tweeted after the Cavaliers were executed in L.A.:


We thought LeBron couldn't be a bigger asshole after this summer? Epic fail.

That's all he is, by the way. An asshole of biblical proportions. I was listening to Mike and Mike on ESPN Radio this morning, and Mike Greenberg's take was that LeBron is embracing the role of the villain. But Greenberg is wrong. Bill Laimbeer? That dude loved being a villain...and he never pretended otherwise. King Crab, on the other hand, is a villain pretending to be the wronged hero.

Which means, yeah, I respect Laimbeer more than LeBron.

What's more, he's an idiot who obviously doesn't know anything about karma beyond what he's heard in sound bites or read in a fortune cookie. Still, if 'Bron's version of "karma" really is in effect, I expect an anvil to fall out of the sky and land on his fat head any minute.

Update! I probably should have mentioned this already. But 'Melo got all Tweet-happy last night too. Here's what he was e-chirping (H/T Karc):

First they love you, then they hate you..............

Not complaining just a real statement

die a hero or live long enuff to become a villain

Far from letting it get to me. Can't a MF just vent. Damn. Lol

Now AnacondaHL has come through with even more updates:

Further on Melo's tweeting:

"You can be a delicious, ripe peach and there will still be people in the world that hate peaches.....lmao"

...followed by him changing his profile picture to literally a bunch of peaches. Wow. Next he'll be trying to tell us about how great Linkin Park speaks to him.And

Lebron's Ego with yet another fantastic followup:

"YES I'M HAPPY CAVS LOST BY 55. CAVS NEVER DID NOTHIN 4 ME ASIDE FROM PAY ME MILLIONS & BEND TO MY EVERY WHIM SO GOD WAS MEAN TO THEM LOL."

Who said psychological train wrecks aren't fun to watch?

The Portland Frail Blazers: The Brandon Roy-less Blazers had an offensive meltdown (35 percent from the field and 4-for-18 on threes) and the Knicks beat 'em in Portland. Blah, blah, blah.

Said Blazers coach Nate McMillan: "I thought we looked mentally fatigued. We were just a step slow in everything we did."

Added LeMarcus Aldridge: "We just didn't make shots. I tried to force the issue going to the basket, took some shots that probably couldn't go in, but I didn't want to just take jump shots over and over. It was tough."

Update! Antoine Walker: From Basketbawful reader Little Keith:

Just making sure everyone is aware of Antoine "toine" Walker's performance from The D-League's Showcase tonight:

7 pts (2-13 shooting, 1-6 on 3's)
3 rebs
2 asts
2 blks
4 PFs
10 TOs
-13 +/-
34+ minutes of "playing" time

Update! Allen Iverson: From Basketbawful reader roland deschain of gilead:

Allen Iverson Update!!!

He is injured on his right calf muscle and will possibly need surgery. Out for at least two months.

Meanwhile his team Besiktas is 9th in the 16-team Turkish League.

He played 7 games with 32 mins/game (40 min games). Averaging around 14.3 points, 2.7 rebounds, 4.7 assists, 1.7 steals and 3.3 turnovers with 23/52 44% 2 points - 9 / 21 42% 3 points and 27/37 73% free throws.

Chris's Lacktion Report:

Pacers-Sixers: Andres Nocioni notched a giveaway in 2:48 for a +1.

Purple Paupers-Generals: Hilton Armstrong commandeered a 3:39 stay in the ledger despite an assist, by fouling once for a 1:0 Madsen-level Voskuhl.

Spurs-Wolves: Chris Quinn heaved two bricks with all his might for a +2 in 1:31, the same time span it took Tiago Splitter to garner a 1.5 trillion.

Labels: Cleveland Cavaliers, Lebron James, oh my god the officiating is terrible, The Best Worst of the Night Ever, The Night Defense Died

Paul Westphal fires up the Invisible Lawnmower. Finally, an explanation for Suckramento's ineptitude -- his players must be tripping over invisible grass
Anyone else just absolutely getting his/her ass kicked by a post-Christmas lull? I can't even blame alcohol since I didn't drink (though that may change tonight when I go to my bowling league). I'm just burned out and feel empty inside. It's kind of like being the 12th man on the Purple Paupers' bench.

Via 30fps, behold this epic moment of soccer man love:

Soccerawful Footbawful?

Worst of the Night in Pictures:

Two great moments in awkward man love history

Nationally Televised Games:
Lakers at Spurs, NBA TV, 8:30pm: Someone wanna go check the Lakers' alarm clocks? They never woke up for the Christmas game, and as far as I know, they might still be in a tryptophan coma.

All The Other Games:
Magic at Cavaliers, 7pm: The Cavs are putting up unreal numbers. They've managed to shoot 41.0% from the field in December. Brick factories everywhere are envious.

Celtics at Pacers, 7pm: Can we just get Rajon Rondo out on the floor with a pair of crutches or something? It'd be a step up from Nate Robinson.

Knicks at Heat, 7:30pm: Yes, the Heat's schedule self-corrected a little recently and they got to play some softer competition, but even considering that their defensive effort the last few weeks has been impressive. They've only allowed 86.7 points per game over the last 15 games. Damn.

Bucks at Bulls, 8pm: I'm convinced that this year's Bucks team is offended by offense.

Craptors at Mavericks, 8:30pm: Dirk's out for this game and listed as day-to-day with a minor knee sprain. Nooooooooooo! (insert dramatic music sting)

Frail Blazers at Nuggets, 9pm: Good to see Carmelo's planning on being back on the court tonight.

Labels: Bawful After Dark, Cleveland Cavaliers, man love, Sacramento Kings

George Karl doesn't care about missing out onhis 1,000th career coaching victory. Really.
The New Jersey Nyets: Apparently, all the Atlanta Hawks needed was for their 119 Million Dollar Man to have elbow surgery and miss a month. After stealing New Jersey's lunch money, the Dirty Birds are now 4-1 without Joe Johnson. Now imagine how good they'd be if they'd spent their cap space on Darko Milicic instead of Johnson. Talk about Manna from Heaven.

Behind Josh Smith's season-high 34 points on 14-for-16 shooting, Atlanta shot 60 percent from the field and scored a whopping 23 points off only 13 forced turnovers. But hey, let's talk moral victories. Because losing 116-101 to the Hawks is somehow better than losing 100-75 to the Celtics...or something.

Said Avery Johnson: "WE HAD MUCH BETTER FIGHT IN US. I KNOW STATISTICALLY, WITH THEM SHOOTING 60 PERCENT FROM THE FIELD AND THE AMOUNT OF POINTS WE GAVE UP, IT DOESN'T LOOK GOOD, BUT I THOUGHT OUR EFFORT WAS MUCH BETTER TONIGHT THAN IT WAS ON SUNDAY. OUR GUYS TRIED. UNFORTUNATELY, WE PLAYED A BETTER TEAM TONIGHT."

The Nyets have now lost five in a row and are 2-10 on the road.

Devin Harris, quote machine: "We just couldn't score and we couldn't stop them from scoring."

Those are two pretty important parts of the game.

The Cleveland Cavaliers: In Freddy vs. Jason, Freddy Krueger was blown up, had his arm ripped the hell off and shoved through his exploding chest, and then got his head lopped off with a machete. And even that doesn't quite compare to the savage beatings being put on the Cavaliers lately. Check out their last five games:

Lost 106-87 to the Boston Celtics
Lost 118-90 to the Miami Heat
Lost 129-95 to the Minnesota Timberpoops
Lost 102-92 to the Detroit Pissed-ons
Lost 117-97 to the Philadelphia 76ers

To sum up: Five double-digit losses -- three to sub-.500 powder puffs -- by a combined total of 111 points. Man, it's like LeBron tore out what was left of the Cavs' hearts, jammed them into a Magic Bullet and hit "liquify with extreme prejudice...while laughing".

Regarding the last three losses -- in Minny, Detroit and Philly -- Cleveland coach Byron Scott woke up from his nap long enough to say: "I'm very disappointed with this whole road trip. We're getting beat off the dribble like we're not even there. Pride has to come into it. Guys go right down the lane for easy layups and nobody seems upset by it. Everybody has to do a lot of soul-searching."

Sorry, Byron. LeBron swallowed their souls Evil Dead-style.

Doug Collins, coach of the year candidate: Regarding his instructions to Thaddeus Young: "I told him that 3-point line is like the electric fence that you put in your yard with a dog. You get across and it shocks you, so stay in front of it."

Thaddeus Young, quote machine: Young, who scored a season-high 26 points on 11-for-12 shooting, found himself wishing NBA games lasted longer than 48 minutes. For, you know, stat padding. "I definitely wanted it to keep going. If it kept going, I get to 40 [points]."

The Denver Nuggets: Here's some sad face action from the AP recap:

Everything pointed to a storybook night for George Karl. Sitting at 999 NBA wins, he was back in North Carolina where he played in college and coaching against buddy Larry Brown.

Karl even joked before the game of missing the postgame flight to Boston and drinking wine with Brown to celebrate becoming just the seventh coach to win 1,000 games.

Instead, Karl was slumped in a chair at the end of the night dressed in a Tar Heel sweatshirt debating a late-game decision and lamenting the end of the Denver Nuggets' seven-game winning streak.

That "late-game decision" the recap was talking about came down to this: Down two points with less than 10 seconds left after a Stephen Jackson airball, Karl didn't call timeout, instead watching Chauncey "Mr. Big Shot" Billups dribble down and miss a fadeaway at the buzzer. Bobcraps win...Bobcraps win.

Said Karl: "It was a tough number. We rebounded at 7 [seconds] or something like that. The initial bust out I thought was good. At the end, we didn't have enough guys flooding the rebound, flooding the lane and trying to make something happen. I'm sure I'll look on film and I'll probably think I'll want to call timeout."

It also would have helped if his team hadn't shot 42 percent for the game.

As for Billups, he doesn't regret taking the shot that lost the game: "I had [D.J.] Augustin on me, who I knew couldn't really affect my shot. I got a good look, just didn't knock it down."

Huh. Anybody keep track of how many game-losing shots this guy has?

Carmelo Anthony, quote machine: Now this is a guy who looks like he's being kept in Denver with one of those electric fences you put in your yard with a dog. They're called "motions" and this guy is going through them -- 22 points on 21 shots and a game-high 4 turnovers -- but he's still churning out quotes. Regarding his coach's chance to win 1,000 games (via Murcy): "You've got to win a lot of games to get to 1,000. And you've got to know a lot of basketball to get that chance to get to 1,000."

In related news, you need a lot of fingers to count to 1,000. If you're 'Melo.

Stephen Jackson, quote machine: "We have to start winning games now, so we don't have to use so much energy at the end of the season to be in the position we want to be in."

The Golden State Warriors: On the one hand, they kept pace with the Mavericks -- winners of 10 straight games -- and barely lost a winnable game. On the other hand, Ian Mahinmi, who had logged only 39 minutes before last night, played 21 minutes and finished with 12 points and a career-high 10 rebounds. What's more, Mahinmi had 10 free throw attempts...compared to 13 for the Warriors as a team. Meanwhile, Alexis Ajinca -- who began the day with three total minutes played -- put in nine minutes of PT and grabbed a career-high 6 rebounds. Did I mention both men are French?

Look, all I'm sayin' is that I've lost count of the number of times I've seen the words "season-high" or "career-high" used to describe player performances against the Warriors the last few seasons. In related news, Golden State has lost four in a row and nine of their last 10 games. Their current record is 8-13.

Brendan Haywood: The reason Mahinmi and Ajinca were even playing was because Tyson Chandler was sick with -- you guessed it! -- flu-like symptoms. Now, you would have thought Chandler's absence would have opened the door to a big night for Haywood. Only Haywood picked up two quick fouls and ended up playing fewer minutes than Mahinmi. But that's not all: Mahinmi's eight free throws matched how many Haywood has made all season.

Keith Smart, coach of the year candidate: "We're not getting the results as far as the wins we need, but we're playing hard. When we put it all together, we'll be a good team. Our hearts are in the right place. We practice hard and compete. We're right there with a lot of the top level teams. We'll turn the corner if we play with this kind of effort."

Alexis Ajinca, quote machine: "I guess French guys don't like Golden State."

The Detroit Pistons: Knee-Mac returned to Houston -- a.k.a. The Second Team Tracy McGrady Failed To Lead Out Of The First Round -- and had his best game of the season: 11 points on 3-for-6 shooting to go with 5 fouls, 3 rebounds, 3 assists, 3 turnovers and a steal. And the Pissed-ons were even +4 during Knee-Mac's 23 minutes.

Yet Detroit finished -15 to the still Aaron Brooks and Yao Ming-less Rockets.

Said McGrady: "It really wasn't as strange as I thought it would be. I felt like I was going to come out here and, whatever [happened] I was going to have a good game. ... I'm never surprised [by getting booed]. You never know what to expect. Some cheers, some boos. I've seen it, heard it."

Especially the boos.

Bonus stat: Detroit's 83 points (on 41 percent shooting with 18 turnovers) were a season-low for a Rockets opponent.

Richard Hamilton: Rip scored 6 points on 3-for-9 shooting and played only 15 minutes because he earned double techs and an automatic ejection in the first half. It's the second time this season Hamilton has bitched his way into an early exit.

Said Detroit coach John Kuester: "We can't afford to lose him anymore in a game because we need him. He's been in this league long enough, and he needs to -- like all of us -- be able to adjust to the whistle."

The Primal Rage of John Kuester. Fear it.
Kuester has a point. But here's another: With the way the Pistons have been playing this season -- they're eight games under .500 and only 2-10 outside their own miserable city -- you can't really blame him for wanting to leave early. On that subject...

Tracy McGrady, quote machine: "I'm accepting my role on this team and I really enjoy trying to make my team better."

Joe Dumars: Remember that rebuilding plan that centered around getting rid of Chauncey Billups and spending $90 million on Ben Gordon and Charlie Villanueva? I hate to keep bringing this up, but Gordon scored 9 points on 3-for-11 shooting in 37 minutes of lacktion and Villy didn't even play. So...yeah.

The Phoenix Suns: Steve Nash -- 24 points, 10-for-16, 15 assists -- finished with a plus-minus score of +5. Unfortunately, every other Suns player was in the red. Even more unfortunately, Phoenix wasted a nine-point fourth quarter lead by letting the Frail Blazers outscore them 37-24.

Said Nash: "We struggled to score at times, and that was it. They did a better job than us defensively."

In possibly related news, Neil Paine of Basketball-Reference says Nash is the second-most one-dimension player of all time. Behind Kiki Vandewhatever. Without bothering to sort through a bunch of meaningless numbers, I would argue that Nash's one dimension is so good it's equivalent to at least two or three dimensions. Movin' on...

As is often the case with the Suns, turnovers were as much their undoing as their defense. Phoenix gave up 19 points off 19 turnovers. And they managed only 2 fast break points.

Hedo Turkododo, Josh Childress and Hakim Warrick: The Suns' three big offseason acquisitions combined for 35 minutes, 13 points (4-for-9), 4 rebounds, 5 assists, and a plus-minus score of -10. And did I mention that Earl Barron is STARTING for the Suns? Yeah, I'm looking at you, Hedo and Hakim.

The Washington Wizards Generals: Check out this section of the AP recap:

The Lakers have abandoned all hope of stopping Nick Young from throwing himself a raging homecoming party whenever the Washington Wizards visit.

Yet Los Angeles still muddled through a victory that could have been a whole lot smoother without the hometown kid causing so much commotion.

At times during an otherwise dispassionate game, Young seemed to be the only player having any fun. The former USC guard hit a career-best six 3-pointers while scoring a season-high 30 points for the Wizards, who closed the third quarter on a 16-1 run to make the two-time defending champions uncomfortable.

"We know when Nick Young comes to town, we're going to give up 25 points," Lakers coach Phil Jackson said admiringly. "This kid is going to come back to L.A. and have a great game."

So the Lakers are basically conceding to the fact that Nick Young -- Nick Young! -- is going to light them up. Young's a shooting guard, right? Kobe Bryant's also a shooting guard, right? And Kobe makes the All-Defensive First Team year after year, right? Am...am I missing something?

Anyway, the Andray Blatch-less Generals actually did play the Lakers tough -- a jumper by Gilbert Arenas made it a four-point game with 57 seconds left -- but L.A.'s inside play was too much: Washington gave up 22 offensive rebounds and was outscored 58-30 in the paint. Regarding those offensive boards, Pau Gasol had as many of them (9) as the entire Generals team.

Random extra: Note the bonus bawful in this line from the AP recap: "Young carried Washington during the first half, scoring 19 points with three 3-pointers while rarely passing the ball."

I swear I'm not writing for the AP...

Lamar Odom, quote machine: "Sometimes we need to do a better job of keeping our intensity at a high. When we focus, we've been really good this year, but when we lose that focus, teams have been able to sneak up on us and give us trouble."

FS West announcher, unintentionally dirty quote machine: On Kobe / Pau / Lamar, via Basketbawful reader Sophie: "Those guys are looking to get each other off tonight."

Well, as Wormboy pointed out via e-mail, man-love does improve team performance.

"Tough Guys" Andrea Bargnani and Mike Dunleavy: Shayan e-mailed about this, er, heated exchange from Monday night's Raps-Pacers game: "Bargnani elbows Mike Dunleavy, then Dunleavy 'retaliates,' to which Bargnani says 'Wow, that's it? That's your best shot?'"


The New York Knicks: Some potential future bawful from Basketbawful reader Kaan:

Now that the Knicks have won 10 of 11, everyone is talking about Amar'e this, Amar'e that, look at Felton, oh Fields is a jewel and all that. They may be right. But please look at this schedule. Who did this? Is this schedule even legit?

10 of 11 wins: Sacramento, Golden State, LA Clippers, Charlotte, Charlotte, Atlanta (they lost obviously), Detroit, New Jersey, New Orleans, Toronto, Minnesota...

Out of the 10 wins they had, only New Orleans is over .500 and they are sinking like the Titanic...but how can you put together such awesome bawfulness of a schedule.

Wait it gets better.

Knicks play Toronto and Washington next. So 12 out of 13 is not out of question. Then we'll hear that the Knicks are contenders, they might be better than the aging Celts, dysfunctional Heat and ready-to-melt Magic...

But keep an eye on what's to come afterwards. If you put together all the crap teams one after another, that means you're just postponing the ineviteble big boys.

After Toronto and Washington, here is the Knicks' next 14 games. Hey don't despair I saw a Cleveland game in there...

Denver
Boston
Miami
Cleveland
Oklahoma City
Chicago
Miami
Orlando
Indiana
San Antonio
Phoenix
LA Lakers
Portland
Utah and the beat goes on....

This is one weird schedule and one media frenzy to keep an eye on...

Chris's Lacktion Report:

Nyets-Hawks: New Jersey's Ben Uzoh headed a brick in just 21 seconds for a +1 suck differential and a Mario!

Pistons-Rockets: Brad Miller scrapped his way to 3 boards in 13:12, but bricked six times and fouled and lost the rock twice each for a 4:3 Voskuhl. Also lacking it up for Houston was Jared Jeffrise, whose one giveaway in 10:50 netted him a +1.

Generals-Lakers: Hilton Armstrong blocked one shot in 8:22, only to ring up one foul via room service for a 1:0 Madsen-level Voskuhl. Alonzo Gee gave up his Castlevania cartridge after 26 seconds for a Mario.

For Los Angeles, Derrick Caracter captured a board in 5:28, and also fouled twice and bricked thricely for a 2:1 Voskuhl.

Labels: Chauncy Billups, Cleveland Cavaliers, Denver Nuggets, New Jersey Nets, Worst of the Night

So we see...(via 30fps)
Well, now that the LeBron Revenge Game is done and no actual revenge was anywhere to be seen, can we all just please move on with our lives? Cleveland still has a shot at winning another championship, right? Look at the Indians! Oh. Well, how about the Browns? Oh. Well, nevermind.

Tweet of the day, courtesy of DJ Gallo and the good people at SportsPickle:


Getting away from basketball for a minute... (Me? Get off topic? Never!) You know, I still have Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus on my DVR. I suppose I should watch it so I can prepare myself for this: Mega-Shark vs. Crocosaurus, featuring Jaleel White.

"Did I do that?"

Worst of the Night in Pictures:

Okay, who replaced LeBron with a cheaply made action figure?

Even when he wears "normal" suits, Craig Sager still sticks out like a sore thumb

Okay, I'll admit it, the top right sign made me chuckle

Awkwaaaaaaaard...

Nationally Televised Friday Games:
Bulls at Celtics, ESPN, 8pm: So the Bulls finally get Carlos Boozer healthy, and promptly lose. Bench him!!! Bench him!!!!

Mavericks at Jazz, 10:30pm: Did you know both teams are riding 7 game winning streaks? Of course you didn't. LeBron doesn't play for either team, so who cares???

(Yes, those last couples items I wrote were meant to be sarcastic, just in case I didn't make it clear enough. It's hard to tell sometimes with the NBA being as ridiculous as it is...)

All The Other Friday Games:
Frail Blazers at Wizards Generals, 7pm: I'm almost scared to preview this game. Both teams have been so riddled with injuries lately that I'm afraid I'll snap a tendon or two just by being associated with them in any way, shape, or form.

Thunder at Craptors, 7pm: The Other Chris chimed in with this fantastic news in the WOTN comments:

Another Bawful field trip tonight, a friend invited me to the game. This is more along the lines of watch a good team (Thunder) destroy a bad team (Mighty Dinos!).

Should have a prop bet about which Raptor(s) Westbrook will dunk on. Probably all of them. Simultaneously. Good thing I'll be drinking heavily.

Good thing, indeed.

Nyets at Bobcraps, 7pm: Ah, the game where entertaining basketball goes to die.

76ers at Hawks, 7:30pm: It's a battle of Eastern conference powerhouses! Or the exact opposite of that.

Magic at Pistons, 7:30pm: Accuscore gives the Pistons a 38% chance of winning this game. That good a chance? Wow.

Knicks at Hornets, 8pm: Fantastic opening to the STATS LLC game preview that provides some good perspective: "The last time the New York Knicks won six straight road games, first-year New Orleans coach Monty Williams was a rookie playing for New York. The Knicks will try to accomplish that feat Friday night when they try to hand Williams' Hornets a rare home loss."

Rockets at Grizzlies, 8pm: The good news this year for the Rockets is that they win when Shane Battier puts up points. The Rockets are 4-2 when Battier drops a dozen or more points, but they're a whopping 2-10 in other games. The bad news? Battier has averaged just over 8 ppg against the Grizzlies, the team that originally drafted him.

Timberwolves at Spurs, 8:30pm: The last time we saw the Spurs in action, they got humbled by the Clippers. The friggin' Clippers! I can pretty much guarantee you that San Antonio will NOT come into this game as unprepared and lethargic.

Clippers at Nuggets, 9pm: Hey, speaking of the Clippers, it's time for them to return to being who we thought they were.

Pacers at Suns, 9pm: The last time the Pacers traveled to Phoenix back in March last season, the game had two fights and eight technical fouls. Since when did the intensity for some damn Pacers game reach the level of a San Antonio/Phoenix playoff game?

Kings at Lakers, 10:3pm: If there is any game that the Lakers can use to stop their losing streak, it has to be this one, right? Then again, Pau Gasol is sitting out this game to rest his left hamstring...

* * *

Nationally Televised Saturday Games:
Magic at Bucks, NBA TV, 8:30pm: You know that NBA on ESPN commercial where they have to stop the RV because Bango the Bucks mascot runs across the road? They're going to have to reshoot that and have Bango get run over if the Bucks keep losing.

All The Other Saturday Games:
Hawks at Heat, 7:30pm: And back to reality for LeBron and Co.

Bobcraps at 76ers, 7:30pm: This game is such a waste of time, you'd be better off watching this.

(I seriously have no idea what the hell this is. I saw it randomly linked on Twitter and have been mesmerized by it)

Rockets at Bulls, 8pm: All right! I can't wait to watch Hakeem and MJ battle! Oh, wait...

Cavaliers at Timberwolves, 8pm: This game has a lot of potential to be entertainingly close but terribly executed, almost like a college basketball game without the enthusiastic crowds.

Mavericks at Kings, 10pm: Another loss in the Purple Paupers record books. Sigh.

* * *

Nationally Televised Sunday Games:
Hornets at Spurs, NBA TV, 7pm: Well, we wanted a true test of how good these teams are. This is as good a chance as any.

All The Other Sunday Games:
Celtics at Nyets, 1pm: Will Boston remember to take the Nyets seriously this time? After last year's debacle, I don't trust them.

Knicks at Craptors, 1pm: Crappy crap crap.

Cavaliers at Pistons, 6pm: Unwatchable. Honestly. Who can sit down and watch more than five minutes of this game without losing his mind? Dribble, dribble, dribble, bricked shot, ugly scramble for rebound, dribble, dribble, lazy pass deflected out of bounds. Rinse, repeat.

Warriors at Thunder, 7pm: At least this game will be entertaingly uptempo, even if it's not a good game.

Grizzlies at Nuggets, 8pm: Fun fact: Renaldo Balkman has played a total of 14 minutes over 2 games this year for the Nuggets, and has managed a mind-blowing PER number of -1.1 in the process. Where does that rank on Hollinger's PER scale? That's somehow an even worse PER than an inanimate carbon rod could achieve.

Wizards Generals at Suns, 8pm: Stats that should be surprising to absolutely nobody that reads this blog: the Suns are 1st in points per game, 8th in assists, 29th in rebounds, and 30th in points allowed. Some things just never change.

Clippers at Frail Blazers, 9pm: Pardon the Interruption recently debated the chances of Blake Griffin injuring himself on one of his spectacular dunks. Come on. Why debate? He's a Clipper. The odds are like 8000%.

Labels: Bawful After Dark, Cleveland Cavaliers, Lebron James

"Apologize? I don't get it. Apologize for what...?"(H/T to plondon for the screen capture)
LeBron James He was booed coming out of the tunnel:


He was booed during introductions (Zydrunas Ilgauskas was greeted with cheers):


Yes, he did his lame-ass pre-game powder routine. And then he went out and pounded his old team like a pile or raw hamburger...making history and setting personal records along the way. Here's some of what ESPN Stats and Information dug up:

In his much-anticipated homecoming, LeBron James scored a season-high 38 points. He made 10 field goals beyond 15 feet, two shy of his career high in a game. Entering play Thursday, James was averaging just 2.8 field goals made per game beyond 15 feet.

The 24 third-quarter points by LeBron James matched his single-game high for points in a quarter and tied a franchise record.

James also did not commit a turnover, the most points he's ever scored in a game without committing a turnover. He’s the second player this season to score at least 38 points without committing a turnover. On Nov. 1, Luol Deng scored 40 against the Trail Blazers without turning the ball over.

From the Elias Sports Bureau: This was only the fourth time in NBA history that a player scored at least 38 points in his first game against a former team. The other players to do that were John Williamson against the Pacers in 1978 (38 points), Danny Ainge against Boston in 1989 (39) and Stephon Marbury against Minnesota in 2000 (39).

More From the Elias Sports Bureau: James shot 15-for-25 from the floor, the seventh game of his career in which he took at least 25 shots from the field and connected on at least 60 percent of them.

Just when Cleveland fans thought LeBron had tormented them in every possible way, 'Bronny Bravo saves his best game of the season and one of the best outside shooting games of his career for his return. In doing so, he created a new category of revenge game: "This is for making me feel like a douche for screwing you over." It's like beating a dog for no reason and then taking it outside to rub its nose in its own feces.

Hell, he couldn't even keep himself from taunting the Cavaliers bench...earning him a nice little "shut the [world Kevin Garnett loves to say] up" from a member of the coaching staff:


To be frank, I hated watching this game. Hated it. To me, it was depressing.

See, LeBron James -- even if you thought he was a douche -- still represented everything people love about sports: The hometown hero playing like a bad motherfucker and transforming a perennial underdog into a championship contending powerhouse. Even if you hated all the fake pre-game picture shows, the in-game dancing, the post-game third-person soliloquies -- and let's face it, we all did -- it was still a great story for a sadsack city that has had very little to cheer for over the years.

True story: My second Mardi Gras back in 2006, I was standing in line somewhere to use the bathroom when the guy in front of me started making small talk. After he told me he was from Cleveland, all I said was: "LeBron James, huh?" And he replied, "Yep. Best thing that ever happened to Cleveland."

That was always the joke, right? But people in Cleveland really believed it. And then , with one ill-conceived Decision, LeBron became everything people hate about sports: The hometown hero turning heel, taking the seemingly easy way out and chasing fortune and glory elsewhere. It wasn't the first time something like this had happened. Wilt Chamberlain had a pretty nasty divorce in Philly (although at least The Stilt led the Sixers to a title). Of course, King Crab took it to the next (unprecedented) level by announcing his screw job on an hour-long informercial. And still later he made a shoe commercial trying to shame people for hating him for being such a dick.

And you know what made all the booing so depressing? When somebody leaves you -- a girlfriend, a spouse, a sports hero, whatever -- they can leave behind one of two kinds of hate. There's the "I hate you but I'm better off without you" and there's the "I hate you and I will never, ever, in any way be better off without you."

We know which of these hates Clevelanders are feeling, don't we?

Think about it. Luck and lottery balls gave LeBron James to the Cavaliers. When is that going to happen again? When are the Cavs going to win the number one overall draft pick in a year when a "could be the greatest player of all time" talent is available? What are the odds? Pretty freaking long. And that's the way it's going to have to happen, because no amount of money is going to bring a superduperstar to Cleveland. And that has nothing to do with Dan Gilbert's infamous Comic Sans Letter of Doom.

Superstars don't want to play in Cleveland. Nobody really wants to play in Cleveland.

We’ve discussed this here before. It's hard to win a championship. Typically, you need a Top 5 Guy to be The Man, a Top 10 or 15 Guy to be The Sidekick, several efficient roleplayers who don't mind selflessly killing themselves on the boards or on defense or in whatever role they're asked to perform, and a bench that goes at least three or four solid players deep. Oh, and you need good coaching.

Tell me: How in the name of Spider-Man's balls is that EVER going to happen in Cleveland now that LeBron's gone? Let me put it this way: There's a better chance that I'll become Kobe Bryant's biggest fan before the Cavaliers win an NBA title.

So Clevelanders have to endure the harsh but inescapable reality that the best basketball they will ever see has come and gone. They will never see or experience anything like it again. And it didn't just fizzle out with the passing of years. It was cruelly ripped away from them after a couple seasons of being RIGHT THERE.

Isiah's Pistons were RIGHT THERE for a few years but kept getting knocked off by the Celtics and Lakers. They endured and eventually won a couple titles. Jordan's Bulls were RIGHT THERE for a few years but kept getting knocked off by the Pistons. They endured and eventually won six titles. These things are legendary. But being RIGHT THERE wasn't enough for the King of the Nazgul. Why overcome when you can bolt?

The only legend LeBron left behind in Cleveland was a sense of betrayal and hatred unlike anything the league has ever seen. It's a sad saga.

But hey, go Heat, right? They kicked the crap out of a bunch of disparate roleplayers who were assembled for the express purpose of servicing LeBron and all his Royal Whims. Surprise, surprise, they're falling apart without him.

And even now, LeBron won't just say the two little words that could put salve in an ugly, open would. He won't say "I'm sorry." Even if only for how he hurt the city that loved him.

Said LeBron: "I don't want to apologize. I think my intentions were not to hurt anyone. My intentions were solely on kids during that whole process. I always say, decisions I make, I live with them. There's always ways you can correct them or ways you can do them better. At the end of the day, I live with them. I'm satisfied and happy right now."

Trust me, it doesn't come off any better if you hear it spoken out loud. Trust me.


His intentions were solely on kids during that whole process? Was he being serious? What in the Nine Hells does that even mean? Does even LeBron know? And why can't he just own up? Why can't he just say, "I'm sorry, Cleveland. Not for leaving to follow my dreams, but for how I did it, for hurting you?" Would it damage his ego that much to just throw those long-suffering people a bone? It wouldn't erase all the hate and bad feelings, but it might give Clevelanders just enough satisfaction that they could start moving on.

But nope. LeBron doesn't give. He takes. Whatever. I'm over it and him.

The Clevaland Cavaliers: Not for the giant bitch slap they received...but for all the fraternizing, laughing, joking, etc. they did with LeBron at various points throughout the night. I thought something vital in Reggie Miller was going to explode. Yeah, I get they're all still friends with him or whatever, but they kind of owed it to the fans to dis him for at least one night.

Derrick Rose, quote machine: From ESPNChicago via Basketbawful reader Phil:

When asked if he would be watching James' much-anticipated return to Cleveland, Bulls All-Star point guard Derrick Rose responded this way.

"Probably not," Rose said. "I've got my second season of 'Dexter' so I'm good."

The Golden State Warriors: Okay, if you don't already love Steve Nash, here's yet another of the many reasons you should (via Basketbawful reader Business Time):


Not sure there's much to say about this one. Both teams suck on defense and toight the Warriors sucked worse. They let the Suns shoot 55 percent from the field and run out for 24 fast break points. I will say Jason Richardson's 25-point effort (on 10-for-15 shooting) against his old team was totally overshadowed by the Passion of Cleveland. Of course, the circumstances are radically different.

Said Richardson: "I'm used to playing here. The fans, every time I come, it's a standing ovation when they announce my name. They get me up. I played here for six years, and there's familiarity. I had some great times here. It's a great place to play."

I also have to say it cracks me up that Earl freaking Barron is starting ahead of Hedo Turkoglu and Hakim Warrick.

Oh, anyway, back to the Warriors. This little excerpt from the AP recap pretty much sums up the problems this team -- which has lost four straight at home and seven of eight games overall -- are having:

Ellis missed a pair of free throws with 3:16 left, which he said was the turning point of the game.

"If I hit those, we would have been down just one," he said. "We made some mistakes but it was a great game and we gave ourselves a chance to win."

Warriors point guard Stephen Curry missed time in the first half when he was poked in the eye.

"That slowed me down," Curry said. "I was initiating the offense well and getting people involved. It just took me a while to get back."

Notice how both guys -- Golden State's top two players -- identified offensive problems that led to the loss? Memo to the Warriors: When you give up 107 points on 55 percent shooting, your problems are on defense, not offense.

Chris's One-Line lackluster TNT Thursday Lacktion Report: Zydrunas Ilgaukas countered two boards in 16:38 with 3 fouls for a 3:2 Voskuhl.

Labels: Cleveland Cavaliers, Golden State Warriors, Lebron James, Steve Nash, Worst of the Night

Bing: "LA was beaten by this guy? Sad day to be a Lakers fan." -
Murcy: "He looks exactly like a vogon"
So there's your solution on how to beat the Lakers -- Vogon poetry
Running short on time today, folks. Straight to the pics.

Worst of the Night in Pictures:
Happy Lebronukah!!

Wow, Dave Coulier looks like hell

"I'm too sexy for my shirt... too sexy for my shirt..."

(in the voice of Ron Artest impersonating Luis Scola)
"I'm gonna eat some Spanish food!"

Nationally Televised Games:
Heat at Cavaliers, TNT, 8pm: Yep, it's the night we've all been waiting for: Zydrunas Ilgauskas's dramatic return to Cleveland.

Suns at Warriors, TNT, 10:30pm: The under-performing small ball Suns get to play against their evil twin in a battle of jump-shooting and _efense. Yes, every single game between these two teams the last five years has seen both teams score over 100 points. I look forward to seeing a ridiculous 137-133 final score. You know, unless the jump shots aren't falling, because even without _efense, that's what happens sometimes to teams like these. So in that case, we'll only see a 105-101 final score.

Oh, and you just have to love Steve Nash. His tweet from earlier today: "Hey Cleveland! How pumped are you for the Phoenix/Golden State game tonight?"

Labels: Bawful After Dark, Cleveland Cavaliers, Golden State Warriors, Miami Heat, Phoenix Suns

Piece of advice: Enjoy Paul Westphal's facepalms while you still can.
The Cleveland Cavaliers: The Cavs were the first team to beat the Celtics this season. And, frankly, it probably had more to do with Boston overlooking a lesser opponent than anything Cleveland did. Still, Byron Scott had his battle plan ready:

The Cavs plan to try and exploit [Shaq] in tonight's game at Quicken Loans Arena.

"One of our reasons we were successful the first time: We got up and down the floor and put Shaq in a lot of pick-and-rolls," Cavs coach Byron Scott said. "That won't change.

"If we do that, our guards will get wide-open shots. (We'll try to spread the floor) as much as possible and move it from one side to the other."

That strategy worked so well that Cleveland's starting guards -- Mo Williams and Anthony Parker -- went 8-for-23 from the field. The Cavaliers shot 39 percent as a team, got outscored 60-26 in the paint, fell behind by 20 and eventually lost 106-87. By the way, those 26 points in the paint were two points away from Cleveland's season-low.

Time for a new battle plan, Byron.

Anyway, whoever wrote the AP recap had a blast with this one. Check out these gems:

"It will be really hostile," said Cavs forward J.J. Hickson, who was held to one point by the Celtics. "It's no secret. He [James] is coming back to where he originally started. It's going to be a great environment. I'd be lying if I said it's a normal game."

And:

When he was replaced with 4:04 left by Von Wafer, Rondo was applauded by everyone on Boston's bench and got a loving slap on the backside as he walked past Rivers.

And even though this line was removed -- probably by some eagle-eyed editor -- Basketbawful reader allison got a screen shot:

Celtics G Delonte West had successful surgery to repair his broken right wrist. Has a team ever reported an unsuccessful surgery?

In related news: No, I did not get a job with the Associated Press.

Byron Scott, quote machine: Regarding Boston's dominance around the basket: "It was like a layup drill."

The Portland Frail Blazers: When the Frail Blazers were beaten by the New Orleans Hornets last Friday, it was their fifth loss in eight games. But the Portland faithful told the naysayers to back up a step and look at the competition in those five losses: The Lakers, Thunder, Hornets, Jazz and Hornets again.

Well, the Blazers have now lost four in a row and seven of their last 10 games. They've fallen to 8-9. And their last two losses have been to the New Jersey Nyets (6-12) and, last night, the Philadelphia 76ers (5-13).

Portland managed only 79 points on 37 percent shooting. During the fourth quarter, they went 4-for-20 and got outscored 22-11. And Brandon Roy played more like the Ghost of Tracy McGrady, finishing with 10 points on 3-for-9 shooting. Roy scored only 2 points in the final 24 minutes.

No word when Greg Oden will be back. Roy's knees will probably never get better.

Poor, poor Portland...the former Team of the Future. Now, when you hold up a Frail Blazers media guide to your ear, all you hear are creaking joints, snapping tendons and the sound of a thousand sad trombones.

Nate McMillan, coach of the year candidate: "You've got to take care of the ball, you've got to defend the ball and you've got to score in this league."

Doug Collins, quote machine: On Andre Iguodala's contributions: "He was our ace of spades tonight even though he did not score that many points."

Ace of spades?

The Detroit Pistons: Since their 90-79 road loss to the Magic wasn't that surprising, I'll let Tayshaun Prince write the epitaph to this loss...which dropped Detroit to 6-10 overall and 2-8 on the road: "We've had some success against them. They always know that when we play them we're ready to play, but in the fourth quarter, they were really ready for us this time."

Charlie Villanueva, delusion machine: "This is a game we could have closed out."

Mickael Pietrus, quote machine: "J.J. [Redick] and I are like brothers, even though I stay under the sun a little more than he does."

Tracy McGrady Watch: 3 points, 1-for-4, 3 rebounds, 2 assists and a game-worst plus-minus score of -16 in 18 minutes. And the following quote, regarding whether he can now understand the injury problems Grant Hill suffered through:

"I still wouldn't understand because he went through like four years," McGrady said, shaking his head. "I couldn't imagine."

McGrady's Games Played
2007-08: 66
2008-09: 35
2009-10: 30
2010-11: ??

The New Jersey Nyets: The game was tied at 65. Devin Harris got hurt. The Knicks ripped off a 14-2 run. Game over.

Screamed New Jersey coach Avery Johnson: "OH MAN, A BIG GAME CHANGER. DEVIN IS A GUY THAT WE RELY ON HEAVILY. IN THE SENSE IT'S KIND OF LIKE IF THEY LOSE STOUDEMIRE. ON A LOT OF NIGHTS DEVIN'S BEEN ONE OF OUR TOP TWO PLAYERS. IT WAS TOUGH TO OVERCOME IT."

So tough, in fact, that the Nyets didn't overcome it.

The game did provide a fun (if defenseless) battle between Brook Lopez (season-high 36 points on 14-for-24 shooting) and Amar''''''e Stoudemire (35 points on 13-for-22 from the field).

The Knicks-Nyets "Rivalry": From the AP recap:

Both will play in New York once the Nets move to Brooklyn in 2012, but for now their rivalry mostly exists off the court. The Nets put a billboard featuring owner Mikhail Prokhorov and part-owner Jay-Z near Madison Square Garden, and the Knicks responded by putting Stoudemire on an ad near the site of the Barclays Center will stand in Brooklyn.

An ad ran during MSG Network's telecast of the Knicks' victory at Detroit on Sunday advertising this game by telling the Nets, "You can walk like us, you can talk like us, but you ain't never gonna be like us."

The Nets fired back in an e-mailed statement from Prokhorov on Tuesday that read: "I don't think we want to be like the Knicks. I think we'd more like to resemble the Lakers."

OH. SNAP.

But both D'Antoni and Johnson dismissed the idea of a rivalry until it involves postseason meetings between the teams.

"You don't really get a rivalry unless you're in the playoffs," D'Antoni said. "It doesn't work during the regular season when you're [saying], 'Oh boy, we knocked them out of ninth place."

D'Antoni's got the right idea. The Knicks haven't had a winning season in a decade. Then again, the Nyets won only 12 games last season...so in comparison New York's standard 30-35 wins would probably feel like when you wash your sheets and then go outside and hang them out, and the sun dries them.

By the way, before everybody gets all excited about New Yorks 10-9 record, I will remind you that 1) this team had a six-game losing streak earlier this season and 2) check out the murderer's row of teams they've beaten during their recent "hot" streak: Kings (4-12), Warriors (8-10), Clippers (3-15), Bobcraps (6-11), Bobcraps (again) Pistons (6-12) and Nyets (6-12). Hey, kudos to them for taking advantage of a soft stretch in the schedule. But the schedule has a way of catching up to teams...

...just sayin'.

The Sacramento Kings: Here's the first line of the AP recap:

Slumped over in his chair, staring aimlessly at the locker room floor Tuesday night, Danny Granger of the Indiana Pacers had little energy thanks to a nagging case of the flu.

Forget that it sounds like the first line of a high school angst poem...Granger was apparently pretty sick. But not too sick to drop a season-high 37 points on 12-for-19 from the field and 10-for-11 from the line.

That's what it's like these days in Sacramento: Feeling bad? The Purple Paupers will make you feel better. Meanwhile, the Kings have dropped five straight and 10 of their last 11.

And check it: Of Sacramento's five starters, only Tyreke Evans reached double figures (16 points on 4-for-14 shooting). That unit's plus-minus scores: Evans (-18), Jason Thompson (-14), Donte Green (-12), Sammy Dalembert (-12) and Luther Head (-11).

Said DeMarcus Cousins: "I'm mad and I'm frustrated about losing. My own opinion is I think different strategies should be used in the game. But I was playing selfish and it [the practice incident] was a good lesson for me. I learned from that."

What practice incident you ask...?

DeMarcus Cousins: Apparently, Cousins is trying to steal the "Big Baby" nickname from Glen Davis. But for all the wrong reasons.

Recently, Cousins got yanked from the starting lineup and fined because of an argument with the team's strength and conditioning coach. Then on Monday, he got booted out of practice by coach Paul Westphal. Reason: Unknown.

Said Westphal: "It was a necessary move in our continued attempt to help him develop. I'm not going to get into details. He was asked to leave early."

Paul Westphal, coach of the year candidate: "DeMarcus isn't the first player who has been dismissed from practice and he won't be the last."

Consider yourselves warned, Kings players.

The Gol_en State Warriors: Seven Spurs players scored between 12 and 27 points. Tim Duncan (18 rebounds, 15 points, 11 assists) had his third career regular season triple double, and his first RSTD since March 14, 2003. San Antonio had 31 assists on 42 made field goals, scored 30 fast break points, converted 16 forced turnovers into 20 more points, and committed only 11 turnovers themselves despite playing a fast-paced game in which they attempted 91 field goals and 31 free throw attempts.

And just like that, the Warriors have lost eight of their last 10 games.

Said David Lee: "When you don't play your best ball against an experienced team like San Antonio, there's a reason their record is the way it is. They don't necessarily do it with all athleticism and power and length. They do it with smarts and they take advantage of any mistake that you make."

And in the Warriors' case, there are lots of mistakes...

The Los Angeles Lakers: According to the AP recap, the defending chumps had "Get back on track" written on the board in their locker room. And that's exactly what they did...if you consider being punked by the Grizzlies -- L.A.'s third loss in a row -- getting back on track. I guess it was like one of those train tracks you find in the movies, you know, the ones that run right to the edge of a steep cliff for no discernable reason.

The Lakers killed it on the boards, outrebounding the Care Bears 42-29 overall and 13-5 on the offensive glass. They were also +9 in made free throws. But L.A.'s shooting -- "led" by Kobe's 9-for-25 night -- was pretty bawful: 43 percent from the field and 31 percent from downtown.

Speaking of Kobe's shooting, here's what ESPN Stats and Information had to say:

The Los Angeles Lakers might have to learn that a little less Kobe Bryant may go a long way this season.

On Tuesday, Bryant scored 29 points but it took him 25 shots to get there in a 98-96 loss to the Memphis Grizzlies. During the Lakers current three-game losing streak, Bryant has attempted at least 20 shots in each game and has averaged 26.3 FGA per game.

This season, the Lakers are 2-3 when Bryant attempts at least 25 shots in a game, compared to 11-2 when he attempts fewer than 25 shots.

Look even deeper and you will see that all five of the Lakers losses have come when Bryant has at least 20 shots. When Bryant attempts fewer than 20 shots, the Lakers are 7-0.

Regarding Kobe's shot-jackery, Phil Jackson said: "I think he felt like he had to carry a little bit of the load. Kobe's going to come out there and attack if no one else is aggressive enough. He's going to test the defense, and the other guys are going to have to step in."

In related news, Mamba is 41-for-97 (42 percent) over his last four games. In fact, he's shooting 42.8 percent on the season. It's the lowest mark since his rookie campaign...when he shot 41.7 percent. What's more, his Effective Field Goal Percentage (46.4) is a career low.

Of course, the real story of this game might be the one shot Kobe didn't take. Specifically, the final shot of the night. Down 98-96 with time running out, the Lakers got lucky when Mike Conley lost the ball in a collision with Pau Gasol. L.A. recovered, but Jackson didn't call time. Kobe brought the ball up, and...

Said Kobe: "I went middle and I had the shot that I wanted, but I lost the handle on the ball while I was going up, so I kicked it to Ron. Ron took a dribble and shot."

Make that: pump fake of nobody, dribble and a shot. When Artest received the ball, he was wide open. Coulda just been a shot. But it wasn't. And that gave Rudy Gay the opportunity to stuff Ron-Ron. Game over.

Said Artest: "It was well-executed. I learned something from that today. That was great execution. His close out was perfect. ... He closed out, chopped his feet a little bit. Stayed low, didn't go totally for the head fake and recovered."

Ironically, this happened one day after the following article was published at SLAM ONLINE:

Trouble began to brew late Friday night in Utah, as Ron Artest dribbled around aimlessly in the fourth quarter before hoisting up an awful shot. Artest again made a few questionable decisions on the offensive end last night, as the Lakers lost in dramatic fashion to the Indiana Pacers at home.

Phil Jackson was unimpressed to say the least, and for the second consecutive game, he pulled Ron-Ron aside to discuss matters. Jackson wouldn’t divulge details of the chat, but Artest was more than happy to share.

Fox Sports has the quotes:

"He told me I should have called timeout when we got the offensive rebound," Artest said. "Kobe wanted the ball. Kobe was going to hit a three. When I saw Kobe, I was going to give it to him. I asked (Jackson), could everybody else on the court call timeout since I had the ball? And he said yes." Artest paused and then smiled. "He forgot to address it with everybody," he said. "But that's OK."

Jackson declined to detail what he said to Artest, preferring to keep it private. Artest said he was comfortable with his role, but noted that his feelings were irrelevant. "I listen and I take in the good, what can help me. But then I've also got to be like I made it this far for a reason," said Artest, whose 3-pointer brought the Lakers within 89-86 and got the crowd on its feet. "How do I not be selfish but at the same time listen? I'm sure he didn't want me to take that last three tonight. It’s all about playing and trying to figure out a way. We’ll be OK."

Last season, Jackson routinely criticized Artest’s decision-making in the triangle offense, and during some heated moments during the Playoffs, he flat-out instructed his team not to pass him the ball.

It's very early in the season, but worth noting that Ron Artest is averaging career lows in both points and minutes.

Anybody hear that? Sounds like somebody just opened a bottle of Crazy Pills.

Meanwhile, Pau Gasol (15 points, 14 boards, 4 assists, 4 blocked shots) had another long night (45 minutes). As AK Dave said in the BAD comments: "That's too many minutes. I think coach 'Jax knows that."

Chris's Lacktion Report:

Celtics-Cavs: Von Wafer has firmly established himself as Boston's best human victory cigar since Brian Scalabrine, tonight bricking once from Euclid Avenue and adding on a foul for a +2 suck differential in 4:04!

For Cleveland, Jawad Williams also earned a +2 via brick and foul, but in 2:46.

Nets-Knicks: Stephen Graham cracked open a care package from Mr. Prokhorov and found 2.95 (2:56) trillion in unwrapped ruble notes!

The Dolan Family's finest provided one turnover for Shawne Williams in 1:37, giving him a +1. Timofey Mozgov made one shot in 8:53 along with a rebound, but also fouled four times and lost the rock once for a 5:3 Voskuhl.

Lakers-Grizzlies: Hasheem The 2nd Overall Dream Thabeet pulled two boards in Memphis's victory over Team Mamba...but in his 9:36, he fouled an Oden-like four times for a 4:2 Voskuhl. Tony Allen added three bricks and a foul in 4:29 for a +4.

Spurs-Warriors: Dan Gadzuric was game enough to go 100% (on one shot) in 6:34, but three fouls and a turnover led to a 4:2 Voskuhl. Jeremy Lin, the man who has been tasked with saving the Warriors franchise all season long, tossed three bricks (twice from the charity stripe), lost the rock once, AND took a rejection for a +5 in 3:34!!!!

Labels: Cleveland Cavaliers, Golden State Warriors, Los Angeles Lakers, Paul Westphal, Worst of the Night

Dunked the hell on by Josh McRoberts.
"This has to be the low point of his (or anyone's) NBA career"
(via AK Dave)
[Note: Dan B. here reporting for early morning duty. Basketbawful himself started this post, but since his Internet connection is unavailable at the moment, I'm finishing it up for him. We are combining for a better team effort than the Cavaliers managed last night at least.]

The Cleveland Cavaliers: After beating down LeBron's new team on Monday night, the Pacers decided to do things right by pimp-slapping LeBron's old team on Tuesday. Just for good measure. Don't let the 100-89 final score fool you: Indy led by as many as 34 points in this one.

Cleveland's starters scored only 32 points. Joey Graham (11 points) was the only one who reached double figures. And even then, Graham had the best plus-minus of all Cleveland starters at -21.

Byron Scott, coach of the year candidate: "This isn't even close to rock bottom. It's a good test for us. This team and this franchise have not had to play through adversity in the last seven years. The Pacers are a pretty good team and we played that bad."

The Atlanta Hawks: They've joined the Miami Heat in the "We've gone from only beating bad teams to getting beaten by bad teams" club. That's right: The Dirty Birds lost to the Nyets. All I can say is...

...BROOK LOPEZ SMASH!!

Big Brooklies had a season-high 32 points, Devin Harris added 27, and the Hawks didn't have the firepower to match up. With the Nyets.

Said Avery Johnson: "TWO GUYS THAT WE RELY ON HEAVILY CAME THROUGH. NOW WHAT I'M SHOWING THEM IS IF THEY CAN CONSISTENTLY HAVE THAT AGGRESSION AND THAT ATTACKING ATTITUDE, IT MAKES US A BETTER BALL CLUB. THEY DON'T HAVE MANY NIGHTS WITH THIS TEAM WHERE THEY CAN TAKE OFF."

Joe Johnson: 6-for-18. The $119 million slump continues.

Game Recap, unintentionally dirty quote machine: Via Basketbawful reader Allison, "Word choice fail from Nets-Hawks recap on Yahoo: 'The erection of steel started at the Barclays Center at Atlantic Yards in Brooklyn on Tuesday.' There's *got* to be a better way to put that..."

The Philadelphia 76ers: From 15-point fourth quarter lead to an overtime loss to the Wizards Generals. Make it 3-11 on the year...1-7 on the road.

The Goat of the night? It was...

Jrue Holiday: He went running at John Wall with 3.5 seconds left in regulation, committing one of the dumbest fouls of the season. Wall was at least 40 feet from the rim...but he flipped up a shot and was awarded three freebies. Johnny Storm hit all three, forcing overtime, and, well, you know what happened.

Said Holiday: "I didn't think he was shooting the 3. I honestly thought he was going to the basket. I really wasn't trying to foul him. I just got my arm in there and he went up. It was a foul."

No. It was a FAIL.

Doug Collins, coach of the year candidate: "All we had to do was just finish out the game, and we just made critical mistakes again. That's just crushing us. That's been the story of our whole first 14 games of the season. You've got to be careful because when a guy is running at you with the ball like that, you've got to know when he sees you coming that he's going to pick up and launch it."

The Chicago Bulls: Despite facing off against the league's premier frontcourt, the Bulls held their own. In fact, they shut down Pau Gasol (3-for-10), who was owned by Joakim Noah (19 points, 13 boards, 4 steals, 3 blocked shots). Chicago outrebounded L.A. and outscored them in the paint.

Unfortunately, the Lakers bench -- "the Killer Bees" as Kevin McHale is calling them -- outscored Chicago's reserves 39-10. Shannon Brown, whom I wanted the Bulls to pursue last summer, lit up his hometown team for 21 points on 7-for-14 shooting and drilled more treys (5-for-10) than the entire Bulls team (4-for-20). Brown, Steve Blake and Matt Barnes combined for four three-pointers in L.A.'s decisive 17-2 fourth quarter run.

Hands. Faces. Somebody. Please.

Bobcats-Knicks: No defense. Lots of turnovers (39 for 58 points off turnovers). Two awful teams. But hey, at least a lot of points were scored.

Pistons-Mavericks: Yes, technically the Mavs won this game 88-84. However, when the pace is that molasses-in-January-in-Siberia slow, nobody wins. Dirk Nowitzki put up some big numbers (42 points, 12 rebounds), but was apparently the only player to set his alarm clock and wake up for this game. Caron Butler was the only other Mavs starter to score double-digits, and the team as a whole only shot 38% from the field.

On the other side of the court, Detroit managed to put together a combined effort of 11 assists and 15 turnovers. Perhaps John Kuester needs to focus more on fundamentals at their next practice, such as "pass the ball to the guys wearing the same color jersey as you." Also, the tone was set early in the game, as recapped by LotharBot in the BAD comments: "Over the first 4:27 of the Pistons-Mavs game, the Pistons starters have combined to shoot 0-5, with 1 rebound and 2 turnovers, and are trailing 11-0."

Rick Carlisle, quote machine: "It was a slower-paced game, a playoff-style game." Except, you know, for the Pissed-Ons being involved.

Sasha Vujacic, nickname machine: Via Wild Yams, "This is awesome. Of course, what isn't awesome when it's making fun of Sasha Vujacic?"



The Miami Heat: Again via Wild Yams, we finally have an explanation for why the Heat are not a good basketball team. No, it's not because they don't have anything resembling a point guard, or because their paint is protected by two men with a combined age of 847.



Chris's Lacktion Report: Chris may be in New York for a few days, but at least he's smart enough to avoid going to a Bricks game. The stink of Purple Pauper basketball is already all over him. He'd never make it out alive if he tried to watch a Bobcats-Bricks game in person. However, that does leave him time to compile the lacktion details:

Hawks-Nyets: Maurice Evans tossed one brick from Newark Penn Station and fouled twice in 7:39 for a +3 suck differential, while for New Jersey, Stephen Graham missed one shot in 4:07 and added a foul for a +2.

Sixers-Generals: Alonzo Gee celebrated his new start with Washington by a 4-second defeat of King Koopa for a Super Mario!

Bobcats-Knicks: Nazr Mohammed, Michael Jordan's starting big man of choice, had a statline so stunning (and described as "epic" here) it has to be repeated near verbatim: 4:27 on the floor, FOUR bricks, two rejections, two fouls, for a PLUS EIGHT SUCK DIFFERENTIAL. Amazingly, this only ended up being a 2:0 Voskuhl - but this made him officially Lacktator #100 on the young Association season!!!!

Pistons-Mavs: Ian Mahinmi had himself a piece of masonry in 3:06 for a +1

Labels: Atlanta Hawks, Cleveland Cavaliers, Detroit Pistons, Philadelphia 76ers, The Best Worst of the Night Ever