Some good news for you today. Andrei Kirilenko is interested in coming back to the NBA next season. That's great news -- we're a little short on our quota of ugly guys with awesome nicknames.

Worst of the Night in Pictures:




Nationally Televised Games:

Knicks at Grizzlies, TNT, 8:00pm: A Mike D'Antoni team has been playing something resembling defense lately? Did I wake up in an episode of the Twilight Zone again?

Magic at Warriors, TNT, 10:30pm: Kwame Brown is out for at least three months with a torn pectoral muscle.  The Warriors are doomed!


A few thoughts. First, of course he hurt himself fouling. Now, obviously, their only hope now is to sign Greg Ostertag to replace him. (My fingers are crossed so hard, you guys) And finally Trey Kerby made, in my opinion, the greatest possible joke about this situation: "Did you know -- Kwame Brown tore his pectoral muscle patting himself on the back for how great his post defense is in practice."

All The Other Games:

Bobcraps at Hawks, 7:30pm: Al Horford is out for at least three months with a torn pectoral muscle. Wait, didn't I just type that? (looks up) Yes, Al Horford has a similar injury to Kwame. Let's hope the similarities end there. Anyway, the Hawks just got even more Hawksy.

Pistons at Bucks, 8:00pm: Who's ready for a shootout??? Neither of these teams! The final score has to be something like 78-75, right?

Cavaliers at Suns, 9:00pm: Cleveland's seven-game road trip continues. A nice little stat: Antawn Jamison has lost eight consecutive games against the Suns. However, to be fair the first six of those were while he was with Washington, so those probably shouldn't count.

Labels: Bawful After Dark, man love, Vince Carter

Nationally Televised Games:
Mavericks at Celtics, ESPN, 8:00pm: A battle of .500 teams! Wait, what?

Heat at Clippers, ESPN, 10:30pm: Sorry, can't concentrate on this game. I'm still too giddy after last night's fourth quarter Heat meltdown.

All The Other Games:
Hawks at Pacers, 7:00pm: The Hawks have gone crazy and shot 55.3 percent from the field over their past two games. After watching a few Hawks games this season, I have absolutely no explanation for this and am frankly dumbfounded.

Kings at Craptors, 7:00pm: Ready to be depressed? The Excremento Kings haven't won a road game in Toronto since February 22, 2004. That takes a special kind of suck.

76ers at Knicks, 7:30pm: So, uh, how about that Atlantic Division? Did anyone really expect this? I knew the Sixers were going to be decent, but I didn't expect this.

Thunder at Hornets, 8:00pm: Did you know the Hornets haven't broken the 100 point mark this season? Of course you didn't. That would require caring about a Hornets squad featuring Chris Kaman and Jarrett Jack as a couple of its top players.

Wizards Generals at Bulls, 8:00pm: The Bulls are in their third night of a back-to-back-to-back. Teams are 6-1 in that situation this year (which seems completely and totally wrong). The Generals are a decomposing corpse at this point but somehow got their first win of the season. This has all the makings of either the Bulls winning in a 30 point blowout, or a flukey as hell Generals win. There's no in-between, right?

Rockets at Spurs, 8:30pm: After losing to the Bucks -- the freaking "Offense? What the hell is that?" Bucks -- last night, you just know Pops has been giving everyone on the roster an evil death stare. A few of them may have even woken up in the middle of the night feeling his presence looming over their beds. I do not expect anything less than an amazing effort by the Spurs tonight. Fear of being murdered by your coach is a good motivator.

Nyets at Nuggets, 9:00pm: Yes, the Nyets are pretty bad in general at offense. That being said, they are only averaging 18.2 points in the first quarter of games this season. That's a special kind of bawful, folks.

Lakers at Jazz, 9:00pm: Did you realize the Mormon Musicians haven't lost in the 2012 calendar year? This is the same Utah team that went 18-35 in the 2011 calendar year and looked pretty terrible to start this season. Maybe the Mayans were right about the whole end of the world thing?

Magic at Trail Blazers, 10:00pm: Just for the record, Portland is pretty freaking good this year.

Labels: Bawful After Dark, man love

Let's start things off with some required reading for the kind of people who read this blog: "Jay Caspian Kang takes a look at Kwame Brown, basketball player, and Kwame Brown, symbol of failure." I don't know about you, but seeing stories about guys like Kwame Brown makes me excited like a puppy getting a new chew toy.

Also, I am disappointed I didn't catch this sooner (thanks Batmanu): Shelden Williams hit himself in the face with the ball on a dunk. And it is one of the greatest pictures I've seen in ages. I want to shake that photographer's hand.

Worst of the Night in Pictures:


Nationally Televised Games:

Wizards Generals at Magic, NBA TV, 7:00pm: John Wall, star point guard, is going through some hard times and shooting 31.7% from the field and averaging 4.4 turnovers per game. In others news, the Generals are 0-5 this season.

(Yes, I found a reason to link to that song just because I'm listening to that album right now and love the hell out of this song. Deal with it.)

Rockets at Clippers, NBA TV, 10:30pm: The Rockets defense is... how shall I put this... less than idea. They are allowing the other team to shoot a league-high 48.3% from the field. Coach Kevin McHale, ladies and gentlemen!

All The Other Games:

Cavaliers at Craptors, 7:00pm: Cleveland has a legitimate shot to win three straight games. Should I start worrying about the impending apocalypse?

Nyets at Celtics, 7:30pm: No Deron Williams. No Kris Humphries. Well then. This promises to be as awful as Work It. Or at least close because Work It is staggeringly bad.

Bulls at Pistons, 7:30pm: I got home last night just in time to watch the final four minutes of the Bulls game. Sounds like that was probably for the best.

Pacers at Heat, 7:30pm: Fair warning: Dwyane Wade is a game-time decision. This game might be more interesting than you think.

Bobcraps at Knicks, 7:30pm: First, make sure you check out this link poking fun at a fantastic typo: "Baron Davis recovering from the worst injury in NBA history." But then also go read this Sebastian Pruiti piece on Amar'e Stoudemire. Good stuff from one of the great NBA X's-and-O's writers.

Oh, and breaking news: DeSagana Diop is not very good at basketball.

76ers at Hornets, 8:00pm: Ready for some interesting stats? The Sixers are 2nd in points per game, and 9th in points against per game. They have a team shooting percentage of 48.3% which is pretty friggin' good. But they only have a 2-2 record.

Grizzlies at Timberwolves, 8:00pm: Z-Bo is out for up to two months with a torn MCL. Just think... a few years ago this would have been a blessing in disguise. Now it's actually a serious issue for the team (and they've had to trade for Marresse Speights to fill the roster hole). We live in strange times, my friends. Strange times.

Suns at Mavericks, 8:30pm: Stockton brought up an interesting point in the WOTN comments: "Is Steve Nash a respectable professional or just a dumb guy?" Yes, you have to admire his good-guy attitude of not bitching and moaning and demanding a trade every time the Suns got cheap and did something stupid with their roster. But on the other hand, have you seen the Phoenix roster outside of Steve Nash lately???

Warriors at Spurs, 8:30pm: Manu Ginobili's hand injury is... not good. The expected return timetable is at least two months. BRB, gonna pour one out for the dead Spurs dynasty.

Kings at Nuggets, 9:00pm: (Looks at DeMarcus Cousins' 31% shooting this season) (Vomits)

Labels: Bawful After Dark, man love

Kevin McHale's transformation into Frankenstein's Monster is nearly complete

Birdman wanted to make a defensive play on the ball, but he was too weighed down by all that tattoo ink

Wow, SVG isn't very discrete about dropping a stinkbomb on the first couple rows of the crowd

Labels: Bawful After Dark, Happy New Year, man love

Thank you AnacondaHL and ESPN for this man love/man love title combo.
The San Anto...holy shit...make that the Grizzlies: Speaking as someone who has lived through Derek Fisher's 0.4-second shot, Robert Horry's eruption, Duncan's three-pointer and Z-Bo's "Z-Pointer" in this seres...I'm used to seeing crazy shit happen in Spurs playoff games.

But I still wasn't prepared for the final 1:44 of this game.

First of all, TNT basically said, "Screw this exciting Nuggets-Thunder game. We're showing the end of Grizzlies-Spurs no matter what. It felt like the kind of coverage a TV station would give to a natural disaster. The whole thing felt surreal.

Anyway, let me set the stage. Shane Battier had gone 1-for-2 at the line to give Memphis a 91-86 lead. Then Manu Ginobili did Manu Ginobili things and drew a foul on Marc Gasol. Manu, cold as ice, knocks down both foul shots. Griz 91, Spurs 88.

Memphis milks the clock which leads to an end-of-possession 21-footer by Z-Bo. Despite his three-bomb from earlier in the series, not the shot the Grizzlies wanted. Tim Duncan rips down the rebound. Outlets to Ginibili. Manu drives into a crowd and for a split-second I'm absolutely certain he's going to either hit one of his patented Laws-of-Physics-changing layups or draw the foul. Instead, he turns it over. This, to me, feels like the nail in the Spurs' coffin.

Memphis again milks the clock and their possession ends when Tony Parker blocks Mike Conley's running jumper. Only Conley gets the ball back! But the shot clock! Sam Youn rushes a three! No good! Duncan with another clutch rebound!

Seconds -- yes, literally, seconds -- after Duncan's rebound, George Hill converts a tough layup with 37 seconds left. Griz 91, Spurs 90. Unconsciously, I start clenching my fists, possibly due to Phoenix Suns playoff flashbacks. Memphis calls timeout.

The Grizzlies run a full 24 seconds off the clock and their possession ends when Z-Bo calmly sinks an 18-footer and then puts his finger to his lips to silence the crowd. Zach Randolph: Clutch Shot Maker. My mind if fucking blown. Griz 93, Spurs 90, 13 seconds left.

Gregg Popvich calls timeout and makes some offensive substitutions: Matt Bonner for Antonio McDyess and Gary Neal for Parker. The chunk of my brain that contains my pettiness almost explodes with glee. Ha ha! Suck it, Tony. No clutch time for you!

Instead of forcing a three, Manu swoops in for a layup. Bonner fouls Randolph. Four seconds come off the clock. Griz 93, Spurs 92.

Z-Bo, a 75.8 percent foul shooter, sinks both freebies. Griz 95, Spurs 92. Pop calls a 20-second timeout.

During a Spurs possession in which seemingly every single Memphis player could have stolen the ball, Ginobili heaves a desperation three from the corner with 2.2 seconds left...SPLASH! GAME TIED! GAME TIED!

Or not.

Video review reveals what the Grizzlies bench already knew: Manu's toe was on the line. Richard Jefferson fouls Randolph with 1.7 on the clock. Griz 95, Spurs 94.

Z-Bo again steps to the line. Now, I'm thinking, this guy hits three-fourths of his foul shots on average. He hit his last two, which means he's going to miss one of these, right? Wrong. Zach hits 'em both. Griz 97, Spurs 94. Only 1.7 seconds left.

Popovich calls another 20. Spurs line up for their last-second gambit. Suddenly, and I'm not making this up, this moment crosses my mind and I think: "The Grizzlies must know Gary Neal is a 42 percent three-point shooter. They must know that. Mustn't they?"


Now, it was a good play, with a good moving pick by Duncan, a good move by Neal to get Tony Allen on roller skates, and finally a great clutch bucket. But, damn, the one thing you can't do in this situation is give up a three-pointer. You only have to play 1.7 seconds worth of defense. Unbelievable.

Said Randolph: "They're down by three, you've got to run them off the 3. You can't let nobody shoot an open 3. You've got to contest the 3, you've got to deny the ball."

Added Shane Battier: "Come on, we're on the road. It wasn't going to be easy. And we needed 48 minutes. We didn't need 47 minutes and 59, 58 seconds and three-tenths. We needed the full 48 to get it done."

But they didn't get it done. Memphis succumbed in OT. Final score: Spurs 110, Griz 103. And, once again, the Spurs live to fight another day. As Basketbawful reader Brian put it:


I'm not sure what to make of this victory. I mean, all things being equal, the Spurs should have lost this game. Does this win mean they're going to stage a comeback? Or was it a final, desperate gasp? I guess we'll find out in Game 6.

Shane Battier, quote machine: "They are like vampires. You gotta drive the stake through their heart. And we missed."

The Philadelphia 76ers: The backdrop for this game was a rather laughable War of the Words between LeBron James and Spencer Hawes.

It began when LeBron referred to Game 5 against the Sixers as "Just finishing our breakfast." Which, admittedly, was pretty dismissive and characteristically douchy. But can we really be surprised by anything King Crab says anymore?

Update! In all fairness to LeBron, here's the full quote (via kazam92): "We're just finishing our breakfast, honestly. Just finishing the 76ers off, we’re not looking ahead into the next round. Just finish these guys off. This is a very good team we're playing against, it's going to take a collective group, all of us, to close this series off."

I guess that wasn't so bad.

Hawes took offense anyway: "We not only took exception to the quote, but to the analogy. A lot of times people don't finish breakfast. It's kind of one of those deals where you're not very hungry in the morning, and you might take a couple of bites to get you going, and then you roll out the door ... Not a great analogy, I don't think."

...

Okay. I preferred Lou Williams' response. From SBNation: "Williams reportedly went around the Sixers locker room assigning breakfast food roles to each player, dubbing Marreese Speights 'Fruit Salad,' Andres Nocioni 'Huevos Rancheros,' Hawes 'Over Easy,' Thaddeus Young 'Hash Browns' and himself 'Flapjacks.'"

I've gotta give it to the Philadelphia players: They tried to make LeBron eat his words. Ha. Ha. Anyway, the Sixers fought to the bitter end and got to within a single point (92-91) with 36 seconds left. But they didn't score again and Dwyane Wade, rather than just dribbling out the clock, decided convert Philly's final, hopeless miss into a last-second (and utterly needless) dunk.

Way to stay classy, Miami.

Said LeBron: "Now we're preparing for lunch."

You do that, 'Bron. I hope you choke on it.

In the final analysis, what cost the Sixers this game was their group decision to completely ignore Mario Chalmers. I get why they did it...but it doomed them. Chalmers drilled six three-pointers and finished with the highest plus-minus score of the night (+20). And although Super Mario erupting for six triples seemed about as likely as me announcing a secret love affair with Kobe Bryant, the fact is Chalmers is an NBA player and can hit wide open shots on occasion.

As Philly discovered.

Said Chalmers: "They kind of forgot about me. I made them pay."

Elton Brand, quote machine: "That was a long buffet. We kept coming. We didn't give up."

Spencer Hawes, quote machine: "Four out of five games, it came down to the last minute, down to the wire. It sounds cliche, but a couple bounces here and there you don't know which way it can go."

The Denver Nuggets: And the dream ends.

You've gotta give those Nuggets some major credit, though. They weathered countless months of 'Melodrama and still managed to win 50 games and actually played better without their departed superstar. And let's face it: This series was close. Three of Oklahoma City's wins came by a combined total of 10 points. This was one of the closest 4-1 series I've ever seen (much like Chicago's series against Indiana).

But, for all their scrappy, can-do spirit, the Nuggets needed a superstar down the stretch. So did the Thunder. Only they had one.

Mind you, Denver was leading 91-82 with about three and a half minutes to go. It really, really looked like the Nuggets were going to force a Game 6. Then, over those final 210 seconds, Kevin Durant scored 14 points on 5-for-6 from the field and 3-for-3 from the line while the Nuggets scored only 6 points. During that stretch, Denver was 1-for-7 from the field and Ty Lawson bricked two foul shots.

The Nuggets got had two chances to tie the game in the final 10 seconds, but J.R. Smith had his three-point attempt blocked -- by Durant of course -- and Aaron Afflalo misfired on a three-ball at the buzzer.

Said Durant: "I just tried to seize the moment and take advantage of it. They kept feeding me the rock, I was able to get to some good spots and fortunately I made some shots."

Added Nick Collison: "Kevin just took over. It was a pretty unbelievable performance."

That's superstardom for you. Talent can clean up a lot of messes. And it's why the Thunder won despite shooting 36.6 percent from the field and going 6-for-24 from downtown. Of course, it also helped that they forced 18 turnovers, grabbed 16 offensive rebounds and had a 42-21 advantage in free throw attempts.

Free throws, rebounds and turnovers. The silent killers. Glancing at the four factors, it's amazing Denver nearly won. They turned the ball over 17.1 percent of the time while the Thunder rebounded 32 percent of their missed shots and had a FT/FGA% of 41.5 percent.

Said George Karl: "We didn't close out this game, we didn't close out Game 1 and ... they're both very difficult to swallow right now. We will somewhere in the next week or wake up and realize that we had a hell of a season."

They really did. Too bad the dream had to end.

Bonus Video: The Durantula's highlights from last night:


Chris' Playoff Lacktion Report: Hamed Haddadi stepped in for Z-Bo with 0.7 seconds left in the 1st half...and played only to the end of the 2nd quarter, earning himself a SUPER MARIO GALAXY!

Labels: 2011 NBA Playoffs, man love, Worst of the Night

If Ronnie James Dio was still alive, Richard Jefferson would tell him the Spurs are definitely not the Last in Line for at title run
To celebrate the Steelers' appearance in this weekend's Super Bowl, watch Pittsburgh Penguins' backup goalie Brent Johnson get in his first NHL fight, and break Islanders goalie Rick DiPietro's face with one punch. And I mean that literally -- he broke his face. DiPietro has facial fractures and will be out 4-6 weeks. To anyone familiar with DiPietro's injury history (he's down with injuries almost as often as Yao Ming), it isn't surprising, but still. Way to lock him up with a 15 year contract, Islanders! (Hockeyawful? It doesn't roll off the tongue very well, but it is indeed awful hockey)


Damn.

Worst of the Night in Pictures:


Woah.


Vladimir Radmanovic is digusted, dumbfounded, or just ugly. Take your pick.

Nationally Televised Friday Games:
Mavericks at Celtics, ESPN, 8pm: For some reason, Dirk Nowitzki loves playing the Celtics. His 27.3 points per game against Boston is his highest against any team, and he actually averages 27.7 ppg at the TD Garden. Too bad Boston couldn't find a way to wrangle him away from the Mavs -- they'd be unstoppable!

Jazz at Nuggets, ESPN, 10:30pm: Why is Denver always so unpredictable? They are competitive and have a fantastic home record, but they lose stupid games against mediocre to crappy teams on the road.

All The Other Friday Games:
Frail Blazers at Pacers, 7pm: I need to reiterate something truly, truly depressing: Indiana, with all of 19 wins and 27 losses so far, is just one game behind Charlotte for the 8th seed in the playoffs. Way to go, Leastern Conference. This is why you can't have nice things.

Knicks at 76ers, 7pm: The Sixers have won 7 of their last 10 (and are now being referred to in the media as "surging," of course). However, fool's gold? Those wins have been over the Bucks, Bobcraps, Jazz (who were in a bad slump), Suns, Craptors, Nuggets, and Nyets.

Magic at Wizards Generals, 7pm: Ruh roh. This is the first trip back to Washington for Gilbert Arenas since the trade...

Timberwolves at Craptors, 7pm: Oh good grief. The Craptors are riding a 13 game losing streak, and need to win this one to avoid their longest losing streak in more than 13 years. The good news? They get to play the Timberwolves, who have a defense roughly as non-existent as the Craptors'. The bad news? The fossilized dinos lost to the Timberwolves just a week ago. But at least it will be uptempo since, as The Other Chris noted, "Not a thimble of defense will be played..."

Heat at Bobcraps, 7pm: While the Bobcraps have really turned things around, they still aren't that great of a team, and they still can't beat quality competition. Case in point, they've been outscored by an average of 11 points in two games against the Heat this year.

Clippers at Hawks, 7:30pm: BRB, gonna review my earthquake emergency safety drill plans just in case Blake Griffin throws down a dunk so violent it moves the Earth.

Nyets at Pistons, 7:30pm: Eleven straight road losses for the Nyets? Yeah, that sounds about right.

Cadavers at Grizzlies, 8pm: The Cadavers -- back when they were still on life support and not clinically dead -- managed to beat the Grizzlies back in late November and in fact had a 7-9 record after that game. Since then? That train has derailed, exploded, and another train has crashed into the remains. Injuries, incompetence, and general sucktitude mean they've lost 32 of the last 33 games, and 22 consecutive.

Thunder at Suns, 9pm: The Suns have won 8 of their last 11, but perhaps more notably, they have held their last three opponents to an average of only 83 points. Okay, yeah, one of those was Milwaukee, so that tends to skew the numbers a little, but still. What the hell? When did they decide "oh, yeah, maybe we should play a little defense?"

Spurs at Kings, 10pm: And thus begins the streak of six consecutive opponents with losing records. Yeah, I'd say the rodeo road trip isn't that bad this year.

* * *

Nationally Televised Saturday Games:
Hawks at Wizards Generals, NBA TV, 7pm: Since it's not a road game, the Generals have a small chance of winning. You know, assuming the Hawks don't start doing some Globetrotters trick shots. If that's the case, they're screwed.

All The Other Saturday Games:
Mavericks at Bobcraps, 7pm: Mark Cuban has announced that he's open to the idea of renting a player like Carmelo. What, you mean Brian Cardinal isn't going to take you to a title?

Frail Blazers at Cadavers, 7:30pm: Portland fans get to look Cleveland right in the eye and say "Injuries? Big f'ing deal you've got injuries!!"

Lakers at Hornets, 8pm: Interesting post: Is Kobe Bryant a black hole?

Grizzlies at Rockets, 8:30pm: And suddenly, Memphis is above .500 -- so of course here come the Rockets to annoy and pester them.

Pistons at Bucks, 8:30pm: Well, Milwaukee fans, you need something to watch instead of this game as well, so try this: corgis playing tetherball. ("AWWWWWWWWW!")

Nuggets at Timberwolves, 8:30pm: Defensive optional? Defense nonexistent. Wooooooo.

Thunder at Jazz, 9pm: A great Northwest division battle, and a great contrast of styles. The Jazz have one of the highest assist totals in the league. The Thunder... not so much.

Bulls at Warriors, 10:30pm: The Warriors are only five games shy of equaling their win total for all of last season. And yet they're still twelve games back in the Pacific standings. Progress...?

* * *

Nationally Televised Sunday Games:
Magic at Celtics, ABC, 2:30pm: Realization I just had: the Celtics are one of the best teams in the league this year despite being only 29th in rebounds per game. It's pretty reasonable to assume rebounding is one of the more important aspects of a basketball game, but is it possible for a really, really good defense to outweigh that? (looks at other teams) Yeah, the Timberwolves lead the league in rebounds, and you're well aware of their "defense." I think that answers that question.

All The Other Sunday Games:
Clippers at Heat, 12pm: Blake Griffin may be a beast, but the Clippers are not a fundamentally solid team, and therefore not a good road team. And they only have one more home game the entire rest of the month of February, and that game is against the Celtics. I hate to be the bearer of bad news (okay, I'm lying, it's about basketball, I love being the bearer of bad news), but that miraculous run for a playoff berth isn't looking very good at this point...

Pacers at Nyets, 12pm: What, you mean this game is not being played opposite the Super Bow later this evening??

76ers at Knicks, 12pm: Amazing how these two teams have reversed directions in the past month, isn't it?

Labels: Bawful After Dark, man love, Super Bowl

"I'M A MIME TRAPPED IN AN INVISIBLE BOX -- OH, DAMMIT, I FORGOT TO BE QUIET AGAIN!"
Sorry for the lack of BAD posts last week -- I felt (wait for it...) bad.

Hey, why are you throwing tomatoes at me?

To make up for the absence and the horrible pun, here's an unbelievable moment in Sports Man Love history:

Footbawful at its... finest? Yeah, finest.

Worst of the Weekend in Pictures:

"Ta da!!"

Justin Bieber was at the Hawks game where they sucked like nothing has ever sucked before. How appropriate.

Jeff Foster is enjoying this a little too much...

Ray Allen and AK47 get better acquainted

Nationally Televised Games:
Wizards Generals at Knicks, NBA TV, 7:30pm: Now that scheduling has self-corrected the Knicks' record, they're in danger of dropping below .500 -- lucky for them that the Generals are also in danger of not winning a single damn road game this season.

Kings at Frail Blazers, NBA TV, 10pm: The Purple Paupers have lost their last 7 games by 7 points or less. At least they're kind enough to keep things somewhat close for their fans, right?

All the Other Games:
Cavaliers at Nyets, 7pm: Speaking of teams that have no concept of how to win away from home... The last time the Cavs snagged a road victory was back in November against, yes, the New Jersey Nyets.

Pistons at Magic, 7pm: Allow me to remind of what went down back in December when these two teams last met: Pumaman, Jameer Nelson, and JJ Redick were all out with "flu-like symptoms" (that miraculously seem to actually truly be related to the flu). And yet Orlando still won easily, and in fact had their best shooting percentage game of the season. Rip Hamilton should be happy he's not being associated with this suckfest right now.

Suns at 76ers, 7pm: If there's one thing the Sixers do well, it's shut down the trey. Their opponents are averaging just 31.4% from downtown. The Small Ball Suns loooove to shoot the three. Something's gotta give. Here's a hint: the Sixers have only one win when allowing more than 100 points this year, and guess who that was against.

Grizzlies at Craptors, 7pm: Be ready to see lots of ugliness around the basket. The Grizzlies are averaging an NBA-best 49.1 points in the paint. The Dinos are too busy being extinct and rollerblading down stairs to play any defense at the rim, and are allowing a league-worst 48.1 points in the paint per game.

Also, this picture is likely the most bawful thing you will see today.

Thunder at Hornets, 8pm: The Hornets have been playing out of their friggin' minds on defense lately. Is this just more fools' gold, or have they finally figured out something?

Bucks at Bulls, 8pm: The Bulls have a nasty habit of letting sub-.500 teams hang around and even beat them. But they've still reached the 30 win mark a full month earlier than last year. I'd say Thibodeau was a nice upgrade over The Notorious VDN, wasn't he?

Rockets at Timberwolves, 8pm: Actual line from the STATS LLC game preview: "The Timberwolves (10-33), who play five of seven at Target Center, are a respectable 8-12 at home." What? A .400 record at home is respectable? Man, the bar is really getting lowered in Minny.

Spurs at Warriors, 10:30pm: The last Spurs game saw them battle through their worst offensive effort of the season. So get ready for the absolute opposite of that tonight. The Gol_en State Warriors, everyone!

Labels: Avery Johnson, Bawful After Dark, Footbawful, man love

Paul Westphal fires up the Invisible Lawnmower. Finally, an explanation for Suckramento's ineptitude -- his players must be tripping over invisible grass
Anyone else just absolutely getting his/her ass kicked by a post-Christmas lull? I can't even blame alcohol since I didn't drink (though that may change tonight when I go to my bowling league). I'm just burned out and feel empty inside. It's kind of like being the 12th man on the Purple Paupers' bench.

Via 30fps, behold this epic moment of soccer man love:

Soccerawful Footbawful?

Worst of the Night in Pictures:

Two great moments in awkward man love history

Nationally Televised Games:
Lakers at Spurs, NBA TV, 8:30pm: Someone wanna go check the Lakers' alarm clocks? They never woke up for the Christmas game, and as far as I know, they might still be in a tryptophan coma.

All The Other Games:
Magic at Cavaliers, 7pm: The Cavs are putting up unreal numbers. They've managed to shoot 41.0% from the field in December. Brick factories everywhere are envious.

Celtics at Pacers, 7pm: Can we just get Rajon Rondo out on the floor with a pair of crutches or something? It'd be a step up from Nate Robinson.

Knicks at Heat, 7:30pm: Yes, the Heat's schedule self-corrected a little recently and they got to play some softer competition, but even considering that their defensive effort the last few weeks has been impressive. They've only allowed 86.7 points per game over the last 15 games. Damn.

Bucks at Bulls, 8pm: I'm convinced that this year's Bucks team is offended by offense.

Craptors at Mavericks, 8:30pm: Dirk's out for this game and listed as day-to-day with a minor knee sprain. Nooooooooooo! (insert dramatic music sting)

Frail Blazers at Nuggets, 9pm: Good to see Carmelo's planning on being back on the court tonight.

Labels: Bawful After Dark, Cleveland Cavaliers, man love, Sacramento Kings

Karate chop!
I'm not going to pull any pranks on you today. There's been enough good ones (and bad ones) to go around. My favorites? The fake police report for AJ Dauliero on Deadspin, and @notmikedunleavy faking retweets that Don Nelson was going to be fired and replaced by Mike Dunleavy. Those are high quality pranks. Believable enough to startle you at first, but ultimately obviously fake. And better yet, they aren't sponsored by Nike. Sigh.

Want to be entertained for a few silly minutes? Check out the ESPN.com NBA Playoff Simulator! It's only slighly less ridiculous than their awesome Trade Machine. You can choose to seed the first round of the playoffs through three pre-selected methods, or do custom seeding. Then it simulates each game and tells you who wins the NBA championship. I have tried using it once so far -- I let it seed the first round based on John Hollinger's predictions for maximum comedic value. According to this simulation, the Lakers will get upset by the 8th seeded Spurs in the first round, and the Atlanta Hawks will win the Larry O'Brien trophy. Yeah. Good luck with that.

This is most decidedly awesome, and makes Zaza Pachulia even more likeable than his fun-to-say-out-loud name already did.

Worst of the Night in Pictures:

Hey guys, why the moping? Aren't you making millions of dollars to play ball?
Oh, you let the Bullets get their only win in the entire month of March against you? Carry on.

Yes, the Bullets won in spite of Fabricio Oberto starting

Andray Blatche demonstrates how to do the Heimlich Maneuver
(What? You thought I was going to do a man love joke here?)

Submitted by Basketbawful reader Zaldy with the caption:
"Yes... they say it should hurt during your first time."

Nice "O-face," Johnny

Damn. Louis Amundson's "O-face" is even worse than I expected

Paul Pierce says "Stop watching! This is private!"

Doc Rivers must be getting tired of doing this

So must Kobe
Nationally Televised Games:
Magic at Mavericks: Dallas just got done playing an overtime game in Memphis last night. Just sayin'... In the meantime, hey, we get to see Ron Jeremy Stan Van Gundy on national TV again, so that's always a good thing.

Frail Blazers at Nuggets: Technically this is the second night of a back-to-back for Portland, but does running layup drills against the Bricks really wear you out that badly?

Labels: Bawful After Dark, man love

Nyets CEO Brett Yormark yelled at this guy for wearing a paper bag on his head. Shouldn't he be happy the fans haven't switched to plastic bags?
In brief legal news, Mateen Cleaves has been arrested for suspicion of drunken driving. In other news, Mateen Cleaves is still alive? Wow. Who knew? Also, Gilbert Arenas might do some jail time. Bear in mind, this is the man who said he "deserved to be punished." Well, okay then. Why is your lawyer trying to get you out of it?

Not many games tonight to talk about, so how about a little throwback action? Luckily our readers have supplied plenty of material!

Courtesy of Bawful reader CaptainHomeless, let's take a trip down Manlove Avenue. (As he noted, "So, this is an actual street that I drive by every day in Indianapolis. I just ... thought you guys would appreciate it." Yes. Yes we do.)

As shared by Bawful reader 80sNBA, Hakeem once provided us with one of the all time great moments in man love history.

Thank God there was a camerman nearby to preserve this moment forever.

Worst of the Night in Pictures:

Just think of how empty your life would be without Stan Van Gundy

Gettin' a little personal there, don't you think, guys?

And just think -- this is the winning coach

Alright, alright, take it down a notch. You beat the Kings...
Nationally Televised Games:
Nuggets at Knicks: Nothing like the Bricks to make for a good national TV broadcast. These are the days I don't complain about not getting NBA TV.

All The Other Games:
Bobcats at Wizards Generals Bullets: Oh no! A moral dilemma! Who will Michael Jordan root for?! (Sorry, trying to drum up some kind of drama for this game, no matter how far-fetched)

Pacers at Pistons: This will probably be a 92-85 kind of final score, but not because of good defense. Ugggggggh. Fun aside: I was reading Chad Ford's ESPN.com chat today and just had to shake my head at this exchange:

Steven (Indy)
Is there anything I can do to stop the Pacers from winning meaningless games and ruining their chance at a top draft pick?

Chad Ford (1:30 PM)
I keep wondering the same thing. Last week they had the 4th worst record in the league, had an 11.9 percent chance of winning the lottery and were in line to land a franchise type player like Derrick Favors or DeMarcus Cousins. This week? They have a 1.7 percent chance of winning the lottery, have the 8th worst record and are in line to draft Cole Aldrich or Greg Monroe. Way to go Jim O'Brien. Rest Danny Granger the rest of the season (if it isn't too late) and give Josh McRoberts lots of minutes. That ought to do it.

Clippers at Mavericks: Have the Clippers started thinking about who they'd like to draft in the lottery yet? It'd be nice to let that guy know in advance, so he can mentally prepare himself for the inevitable injury that will end his season and/or career.

Labels: Bawful After Dark, Hakeem Olajuwon, man love

Many thanks to everybody who sent in links to this epic man love denial.

Labels: Atlanta Hawks, fan submissions, Josh Smith, man love, Mike Bibby

Jack Sikma (left) and Elston Turner (right) have greatly differing reactions when Rick Adelman (center) wonders "Is Rick Adelman gonna have to choke a bitch?"

Friday night man love

If you wondered how the Celtics lost to the Magic, I'm sure this had something to do with it

Larry Brown threatens to tickle the hell out of his team with The Claw unless they get their act together

(Kinda Sorta) Nationally Televised Games:

Wizards Generals at Spurs - It's on NBA TV. I don't get this channel, despite having Insight Cable's sports package and HD package. What the hell? Then again, Insight also doesn't offer the NHL channel, or the NHL season pass. And it carries Versus, but NOT in high definition. Oh well, I'm not missing much in this game. The Wizards General against the old and creaky and severely injured Spurs? Really? This is your "national" TV broadcast for the day, Commish Stern?

All the other games:

Knicks at Nyets - A 2-7 team on the road against a 0-12 team. This is where basketball goes to die. This makes the Washington at San Antonio game look appealing. And since the Knicks had the smarts to tell Iverson to get lost, I don't even feel all that confident about the Nyets having a shot at their first win today. I do have confidence, however, that we'll have something to say about this game come Monday morning!

76ers at Crabs - Both teams are on the second night of back-to-backs. Both teams had to travel immediately after playing hard-fought games. And King Crab hasn't scored 30 points against this Philadelphia team in seven games. The odds are pretty good that this will be a painful game to watch.

Hawks at Hornets - This is actually a compelling game. Atlanta is on the road in a back-to-back against a fresh Hornets team that won its last game against Phoenix. It's still looking like the Hawks are for real this year, but this game isn't sounding very good for them. The Hornets last loss was against this very Hawks team. Revenge game, anyone?

Bucks at Grizzlies - Did you know the Grizzlies are on a three game winning streak now that they're cured of The Cancer? Did you know that nobody really cares since it's freaking Memphis? Same goes for Milwaukee being 7-3 so far. Who knew? Oh, and this is yet another game where two teams coming off back-to-backs, which usually is not good for anybody, including the fans. Thank God Memphis and Milwaukee don't have many fans to let down.

Kings at Rockets - The Kings are fresh off a two point loss to the Mavs, and the Rockets are fresh off a two point loss to the Hawks. This game will either be really good, or really, really horrendous. There is nothing in-between. Fun fact: the Kings have won four of six since Kevin Martin was injured. I hate to sound like a broken record (especially since that phrase is so dated), but I'm just sayin'...

Bulls at Nuggets - Okay, so I was a little off on my prediction last night on that Nuggets/Clippers game. The Clippers weren't who we thought they were, for at least one night. Show of hands: who honestly expected the Nuggets to get thoroughly handled by the freakin' Clippers? Embarrassing. While the Bulls will be on fresh legs, could we see the Nuggets trying a little extra hard tonight to gain back some respect? And we all remember their last game, when Brad Miller's last-second shot was ruled to be after the last second.

Pistons at Jazz - Detroit has dropped three straight games. Utah's won three of its past four, losing only to Cleveland. The Jazz have won eight straight games against the Pistons. Throw in the fact that they're on the road, and things don't look so hot for Detroit tonight (or at all this year).

Timberwolves at Blazers - Oh my God. The Wolves are just a bawful team. Their only win was their season-opener against the Nyets, and they're now on an 11-game losing streak. Do you really need me to say anything else about this game?

Labels: Bawful After Dark, Brian Scalabrine, God the Nyets suck, man love, NBA TV, Rick Adelman