Some good news for you today. Andrei Kirilenko is interested in coming back to the NBA next season. That's great news -- we're a little short on our quota of ugly guys with awesome nicknames.

Worst of the Night in Pictures:




Nationally Televised Games:

Knicks at Grizzlies, TNT, 8:00pm: A Mike D'Antoni team has been playing something resembling defense lately? Did I wake up in an episode of the Twilight Zone again?

Magic at Warriors, TNT, 10:30pm: Kwame Brown is out for at least three months with a torn pectoral muscle.  The Warriors are doomed!


A few thoughts. First, of course he hurt himself fouling. Now, obviously, their only hope now is to sign Greg Ostertag to replace him. (My fingers are crossed so hard, you guys) And finally Trey Kerby made, in my opinion, the greatest possible joke about this situation: "Did you know -- Kwame Brown tore his pectoral muscle patting himself on the back for how great his post defense is in practice."

All The Other Games:

Bobcraps at Hawks, 7:30pm: Al Horford is out for at least three months with a torn pectoral muscle. Wait, didn't I just type that? (looks up) Yes, Al Horford has a similar injury to Kwame. Let's hope the similarities end there. Anyway, the Hawks just got even more Hawksy.

Pistons at Bucks, 8:00pm: Who's ready for a shootout??? Neither of these teams! The final score has to be something like 78-75, right?

Cavaliers at Suns, 9:00pm: Cleveland's seven-game road trip continues. A nice little stat: Antawn Jamison has lost eight consecutive games against the Suns. However, to be fair the first six of those were while he was with Washington, so those probably shouldn't count.

Labels: Bawful After Dark, man love, Vince Carter

Vinsanity! What a laugh! This picture made me think of only one thing:

Well, it's official: NBA Elite 11 has been canceled by EA Sports. Apparently the demo full of hook shots from anywhere on the floor and Andrew Bynum "looking like Jesus" were just too much for EA to compete with NBA 2K11 and it's friggin' sweet Jordan modes. Understandable. EA has handed off the NBA Elite franchise to its Tiburon division that handles the Madden franchise. Great. Now we can look forward to it continuing to not improve for years to come!

Speaking of bad ideas, Philly is tearing down The Spectrum, and for $25 fans can go in for three hours and take whatever isn't bolted down. Perhaps if we're lucky only a few dozen people will be trampled/killed by flying batteries/mauled by evil Flyers fans in this would-be Thunderdome. This is almost as bad an idea as Bacon Soda (h/t JE Skeets). Well, actually, wait a second. I like bacon. I like soda. Maybe bacon soda would actually be good? No, wait, it has to be bad. But it's fried pig in liquid form!. (It's just a little liquified. It's still good! It's still good!) Oh damn it all, I'm so conflicted.

Also per Deadspin, Colin Cowherd is a douchebag.

You need to take a peek at this delightfully random Tumblr page: Bread People. Here's an example:


This is the Internet for you
And this has absolutely nothing to do with basketball (well, aside from it being almost as ugly as Sam Cassell), but this is too awesome not to share: close-up photos of the comet Hartley 2.

Worst of the Night in Pictures:
Caption this!
What is Vinny Del Negro doing?

Olé!

"Damnit Tony, what's so funny???"

Ladies and gentlemen, John Kuester, head coach of the Detroit Pissed-Ons. (Thank you for that name, JJ)

Wow... Somehow this is even sadder than a Sad Bench photo

A pictorial summary of the Nyets-Bobcats game

The player/coach relationship is a very, um, intimate one

Hey, Blake, please never make that face again. Thanks. Sincerely, Everybody.

"Ohh, this beatdown we're putting on the Craptors, it's sooo cold..."

Okay, serious question, didn't the NBA mandate that Stan Van Gundy had to wear a tie this year?

"No, I don't want to touch it!"
(h/t ZooTiger)

Nationally Televised Games:
Knicks at Bulls, TNT, 8pm: Fun stats of the day: Amar'''e has scored more than 20 points just once this season. Also, the Bricks are on a 2-17 stretch in games at Chicago. But hey, at least it isn't raining asbestos! Moral victories, folks.

Thunder at Trail Blazers, TNT, 10:30pm: Pro Tip: Shooting better than 39.3% from the field for the season may help you win more basketball games, Oklahoma City.

Labels: Alex English Muffin, Bawful After Dark, MST3K references, NBA 2K11 FTW, Vince Carter

Is Rajon trying to look shorter than Jameer Nelson? He sure played like it...
The Boston Celtics: I guess the Lakers weren't the only team to get caught looking ahead to the NBA Finals. The Magic played like their playoff lives were on the line -- which was actually the case -- while the Celtics played like they were waiting for Orlando to crumple into a gasping, shuddering, dying heap.

Didn't happen. Beware the team that starts reading its own press clippings.

Boston coach Doc Rivers preaches "no hero ball." And yet that's what his team got caught playing: Too much dribbling, too many one-on-one plays, too many careless passes...16 of which ended up in the wrong hands. (From my standpoint, one of the worst TOs of the game happened with 42 seconds left in OT and the C's down 96-92. KG flung an awful pass across the court in the approximate direction of Paul Pierce...only it landed somewhere in the crowd. Fail.) It's no wonder the Celts shot 42 percent from the field and finished with only 92 points despite playing at home and having an extra five-minute period tacked on to the game.

In Game 3, Boston was whipping the ball around on every possession. There was one sequence in which the rock changed hands eight different times before Kevin Garnett sank a jumper. That wasn't happening in Game 4, which, I hate to say, is often the case when Pierce has a big scoring game (32 points, 11-for-25, 10-for-13). Of course, when The Half Truth scores like that, it's usually because the Boston offense is struggling to make anything happen. So I'm not sure what came first, the chicken or the egg.

Then again, maybe it was the Magic defense. Part of what's made Orlando's "collapse" in Games 1 through 3 so stunning is that they're actually a really good team. They finished the regular season with the second-best record in the league, the third-best defensive rating, and the fifth-best offensive rating. During the playoffs, they've been the second-best defensive team (based on D-Rating) next to the Celtics.

So, really, what they did to the C's last night really shouldn't be all that surprising...the surprising part is that it took them this long to put a game like this together.

But like I said, they were aided by a Boston squad that suddenly looked stiff and tentative. I'm not sure what happened to all the bravado, or Big Baby's "happy dance," or, for that matter, Rajon Rondo.

Rajon Rondo: I forget when this happened, but at some point during these playoffs, Magic Johnson said: "Rajon Rondo is by far Boston's best player. It's not even close." Evil Ted, who's becoming a huge Rondo fan, quite gleefully recounted Magic's words to me...although I'd already heard them and cringed.

First off, Magic Johnson is the undisputed King of Hyperbole. He always has been. When he's providing pre-game, in-game or post-game analysis, you really have to take what he says with a grain of salt.

Secondly, Rondo is and has been fantastic. He's controlling games, providing defense and hustle, and doing a pretty decent job in the leadership department. But Rondo's shooting is still suspect. It's improved but doubted, not only by opponents but sometimes also by Rondo himself. You could see it last night, especially during the fourth quarter. The kid finished 3-for-10 and it really looked like he didn't want to shoot the ball late. Maybe that was by design, but I don't think so. At any rate, the Magic sensed this and backed off him just enough to menace the other Boston players on D.

Thirdly, Jameer Nelson might have committed a game-worst 6 turnovers and eventually fouled out, but he took it to Rondo and outplayed him (23 points, 7-for-14, 3-for-6 on threes, game-high 9 assists). It wasn't just by the numbers, either, it was in leadership, inspiration and big shots.

Amazingly, the Boston crowd chanted "M-V-P!" for Rondo during the fourth quarter...when he had eight points and had been repeatedly skewered by Nelson. Oy.

Of course, Rajon went to the locker room near the end of the first half with vaginal cramping something described as "muscle spasms." So, uh, maybe that was the problem.

Kendrick Perkins: Remember when it looked like Perk (27 minutes, 0-for-2, 3 points, 4 rebounds) had solved the Dwight Howard puzzle? Yeah.

ESPN's John Hollinger had more damning (and accurate) words to say about Boston's big man:

One other move the Celtics may lament is starting Kendrick Perkins at the beginning of overtime. Perkins didn't make a field goal in 27 minutes despite being completely unmolested on the perimeter, leaving Boston's other players to go 4-on-5 offensively. The Celtics didn't score in overtime until Perkins came out with 1:59 left.

The truth is a little ouchie.

Rasheed Wallace: Playoff 'Sheed apparently got kidnapped and locked up in a basement somewhere by Regular Season 'Sheed: 13 minutes, 4 points, 4 fouls, 3 rebounds, a turnover, 2-for-7 shooting, 0-for-4 from downtown. And, frankly, not a lot of what you'd call "hustle," or "effort," for even "breathing" as far as I could tell.

Here's more from Zach Lowe from Celtics Hub:

Rasheed Wallace played his worst game of the post-season so far, especially considering the circumstances (a berth in the Finals on the line). The Celtics opened the 4th quarter by knocking the ball away from Howard and getting out in semi-transition. As the Magic rushed back on defense, Rondo pulled the ball up, waiting for a trailer. And he waited. And he waited some more. At this point, I thought maybe Wallace had been injured on the other end of the court.

Nope. He was just being lazy. By the time he appeared at the top of the arc and received the pass from Rajon, the Magic was set to at least contest the shot a bit, whereas if Sheed had been hustling, he would have time to set his feet and take a wide open three.

Awful. Then Sheed committed a dumb technical (the Magic made the free throw, and the game went to overtime—Thanks Sheed!), got whistled for an illegal screen and bricked another rushed three-pointer.

Doc pulled him, and Sheed never saw the floor again. Deservedly so.

Sheed: I thought you were here for the post-season? If you openly declare the regular season meaningless and say you’re here for the post-season only, that means you have to bring the effort in every single post-season game.

Nate Robinson: More from Mr. Lowe:

Nate Robinson, summed up: He makes a wonderful pass to KG to set up a lay-in at the end of the 2nd quarter, then needlessly fouls Jameer Nelson with 38 seconds left and the Celtics in the penalty. Nate Robinson still does not understand how to play NBA defense. Honestly, I have no clue what is going to happen with Nate next season. Some team could blow $4 million per season on him, or he could be playing in Europe. I have no idea. He has no idea.

Think Celtics fans -- not to mention the Celtics themselves -- miss Eddie House? You bet your ass, they do.

Tony Allen: Don't even get me started.

Boston's bench: Oh, what the hell. They sucked. I have a feeling that, before everything's said and done, Doc might end up regretting not developing his bench a little more.

Pictured: Why Boston's starters have to log suchheavy minutes. Oh, and Kendrick Perkins, too.
Boston's pick-and-roll defense: According to ESPN Stats & Information, the Magic were scoring 28 PPG on 35 percent shooting when using the P&R during Games 1-3. In Game 4, Orlando finished with 47 points on 51 percent shooting with the P&R. The Celtics might need to make an adjustment on that.

Boston's last possession in regulation / timekeeping: At TrueHoop, Kevin Anovits breaks down the Celtics' last possession:


Now, Arnovitz said it was refreshing to see the Celtics push the ball instead of calling time. And yet...that possession was a mess from the get-go. There was never any continuity or flow in it, and I happen to think the C's would have benefitted from a timeout and set play. I also think that Nelson fouled Pierce by body-blocking him to the floor, but that was probably a karmic no-call after time stood still for half a second.

Anyway, to me, that possession was a microcosm of what Boston was doing wrong all game long. And based on these somewhat passive aggressive comments, I think Ray Allen agrees with me: "Each guy feels like they can make the shot to win the game for us. Sometimes that's been at our team's detriment. So sometimes pulling back for all of us, like you come off, you have the ball, just swing it. Sometimes I might have a shot, but Kevin might have an easier one. Just plays like that. The unselfishness out there on the floor. When we're great, that's what we do.

Vince Carter: Even as Nelson and Pumaman (32 points, 16 rebounds, 4 blocked shots) were rising to the occasion, Vag was looking for a place to hide. Only it's hard for somebody Carter's size to hide in plain sight during a live basketball game. Half Man, Half-Assed Effort finished with the following line in what was the biggest game of his life to date: 31 minutes, 1-for-9, 3 points, 2 rebounds, 2 assists, 3 turnovers and 4 fouls. Can I get a "He is who we thought he was"?

Speaking of Vince, an anonymous Orlando Magic fan sent in this link to the Not Vince Cater Twitter page. Basketbawful recommends you go there now.

Dwight Howard's elbow: I've played enough basketball to know this was intentional...and we all know about Dwight's history of elbows.


Big Baby, quote machine: "They don't want to leave. We're going to have to throw them out. It's just like somebody renting a house."

Speaking of Davis, Basketbawful readers Ely and Flunze want you to see a little of Baby's tongue action...which seems to say, "Dwight Howard! GET! IN! MY! BELLY!"


Stat curse: According to the AP game notes: "Sporting goods chain Modell's sent out an e-mail a few hours before the game advertising Eastern Conference championship gear -- if the Celtics won."

The "age" thing: After the game, some ESPN peeps -- Michael Wilbon chief among them -- who tried to pin this loss on the collective age of the Celtics. Really? Because this team didn't look all that old when they were beating the Magic in Games 1 and 2 with limited rest. Can't we all just agree that Boston lost because they played badly? Does the age thing have to come up every time they lose? I mean, prior to Game 4, the Celts had a six-game playoff winning streak going against the two best teams in the league (based on regular season record). Age wasn't the problem. Sloppy, half-hearted play was the problem.

A.J. Price: This is why I avoid charity events:

The Indiana Pacers say guard A.J. Price will need 4-6 months to heal from a knee injury he suffered while playing in a charity basketball game.

Price was injured in New York on Saturday night. He was examined by team doctors Monday and will undergo surgery Tuesday in Indianapolis to repair a fractured left patella.

Price, heading into his second year out of Connecticut, averaged 7.3 points, 1.9 assists and 1.6 rebounds in 56 games as a rookie. He started two games, and was a regular part of the rotation the second half of the season.

Monday's sleight of hand lacktion report: From Chris: "In 19 seconds, Marquis Daniels attempted to rescue Zelda, resulting in a Mario."

Labels: Boston Celtics, Dwight Howard, Jameer Nelson, Kendrick Perkins, Orlando Magic, Rajon Rondo, Rasheed Wallace, Vince Carter

This sad bench photo gets bonus points for the inclusion of Patrick Chewing.
The Orlando Magic: This video -- which you've probably already seen at least a half dozen times -- pretty much sums up everything you need to know about Game 3 of the Celtics-Magic series:


Kevin Garnett called that a "pure, I-want-it-more-than-you type of play." Rondo said: "I wanted to make a play on the ball. He had the angle on me so I decide to dive for it." Doc Rivers added: "I didn't think he could get to it. I don't think Jason Williams thought he could get to it, honestly. I don't know how he got it."

Was that play, technically speaking, a travel? Maybe. But the call (or non-call) went the way of the player who just flat out wanted it more...just like the game went to the team that wanted it more. Here's another video that kind of proves that out:


And another:


And another:


The way the Celtics sleep-walked through the regular season was so convincing that even after they won Games 1 and 2 in Orlando, there were people who pointed to the C's so-so play in Boston as a possible glimmer of hope for Orlando. Conventional thinking was that if the Magic showed up with a sense of urgency, if they outhustled and outworked the Celtics, they could win Game 3 and make this a series.

Instead, the Magic recreated this immortal scene from the first Austin Powers movie:


Orlando was outrebounded 43-36, outscored in the paint 43-22, and they gave up 19 points on 17 turnovers. They shot only 36 percent from the field and scored only 71 points. They lost by 23 after trailing by as many as 32.

Mind you, coming into this series, the Magic were 8-0 in the playoffs and averaging 101 PPG while shooting almost 50 percent from the field and nearly 40 from downtown. Against the Boston Stranglers, they're scoring 83.7 PPG and shooting 39 and 28 percent, respectively. As Zach Harper of Cowbell Kingdom pointed out: "Their offensive rating is down to 95 points per 100 possessions. For reference, the 12-70 Nets were last in the NBA with 100.6 points per 100 possessions." And the Celts did pretty much whatever they wanted on the other end of the court. It's a complete offensive/defensive apocalypse for Orlando. Reminder: During the regular season, the Magic were ranked 4th in Offensive Rating and 3rd in Defensive rating.

But forget the numbers for a second. Despite what the critics are saying, the Magic wanted it. There was effort being exerted. The Celtics just wanted it more...which is why you saw Rajon Rondo challenging Orlando's big men for rebounds and Big Baby diving out of bounds for loose balls. And their defense has been like a vise clamped on the Magic's proverbial balls. The C's challenge everything...every shot, every pass, every rebound. They pound on people. What we interpreted as a choke by LeBron and a failure by his teammates was really just a case of their will being broken by a superior defensive force. And we're seeing that happen again.

Who knows. Maybe the Magic have one more big effort left in them. But man...

Said Orlando coach Stan Van Gundy: "I just didn't think we stayed with the fight very well. I thought there were several hustle plays like [Rondo's] in the first half that all went their way. I thought they worked harder than we did. I thought they outcompeted us."


But...but...the Magic were the second-best regular season team in the league. How could they have been handled so easily? Humiliated so completely?

Said Van Gundy: "What's most disappointing to me was that I didn't have them ready to compete. It starts with me, it's my job, I'm the coach, and I'm not happy about what I did tonight -- my plan, my adjustments, my everything."


Wait...it's your fault your team kind of gave up?

More SVG: "I don't think we stayed with the fight very well, and we went sideways mentally. And there were a lot of guys in that room that have built this team to where it is, a contender that has gained respect, and that game tonight -- not just the score , but the way it went -- it's disappointing because that's not who we are and what we've worked to become. And between now and Monday, there needs to be a lot of soul searching and pulling together, because the normal reaction is to try to escape, and to try to escape blame, and it takes mentally mature people to bounce back and show who we are. But if we don't have that kind of toughness, we shouldn't be here anyway."


Dwight Howard: His final line: 39 minutes, 7 points, 7 rebounds, 3-for-10 shooting, 1-for-4 from the line, 1 assist, 1 steal, 3 blocked shots, 1 turnover. Glen "Big Baby" Davis' final line: 27 minutes, 17 points, 6 rebounds, 5-for-9 shooting, 7-for-9 from the line, 1 blocked shot, zero turnovers. 'Nuff said?

No, not quite. All those decisive moves and that successful hook shot Dwight unveiled in Game 2 went the way of Jimmy Hoffa. The Celtics were once again able to get away with single coverage on Howard...even when Big Baby was guarding him. Of course, Boston's cause has been helped by the fact that the refs are letting all sorts of physical play go in this series, which is the only conceivable reason Baby could have roughed up Howard for most of his 27 minutes of PT without registering a single personal foul...

...but still.

Rashard Lewis: The 118 Million Dollar Man has been so bawful in this series that his contract just climbed to the number two spot in Stan Van Gundy's list of things he'll go back and change when he finishes his time machine, right after "tell Matt Barnes not to push opposing players into me." In Game 3, he finished with 4 points (2-for-8, 0-for-4 from beyond the arc), 4 boards, 4 turnovers and 5 fouls in 28 minutes. That pushes his series totals to 15 points, 15 rebounds, 6 assists, 7 turnovers and 10 fouls in about 111 minutes of lacktion. As far as shooting goes, Lewis is 6-for-24 from the field and 1-for-13 from three-point range.

All I know is that people in the greater Orlando area are scrambling around in a mad search for the shallow grave of Rashard Lewis. Oh, and I loved what Sir Charles had to say: "Hey, Rashard, learn how to dribble over the summer."

Vince Carter: 15 points, 5-for-12, 1-for-5 on threes. You're telling me this guy was an upgrade from Hedo Turkoglu? Oh, and remember Game 1, when Vince was all about attacking the rim? Yeah, the Celtics have done a pretty good job of intimidating him out of that mindset. Even when he makes a strong move to the hoop, as soon as a Boston defender rotates to challenge him, Vag just chucks the ball at the rim and ducks his head.

Jameer Nelson: Remember how on-fire this guy was in Rounds 1 and 2? In Game 3, he went 5-for-14 from the field and a dismal 3-for-9 from downtown. Forget about why on earth Nelson would ever attempt that many threes and focus on the fact that he finished with 1 assist in 32 minutes. That's right...1...versus 4 turnovers. Not exactly the floor game you want from your starting point guard. Not surprisingly, the Magic finished with only 10 assists.

Matt Barnes: Mr. Barnes took out his own coach, using KG as the weapon:


Kevin Garnett: As bad as Howard played, this was still pretty impressive:


Unfortunately for Phil, Jedi mind tricks don't work on Amar'e.
The Los Angeles Lakers: With every mismatch seemingly in their favor, with last year's Finals MVP having himself a game (36 points, 9 rebounds, 11 assists) and Pau Gasol having another near perfect game (23 points, 11-for-14, 9 rebounds), you'd think the Lakers would be getting their brooms out of the closet. And they probably would be, too, if they could play some defense.

The Suns scored 118 points. They were aggressive enough to earn 42 free throw attempts. And Amar''''''e Stoudemre -- who was crucified here and pretty much everywhere else after Game 2 -- had a "lucky" game, tying his career playoff high with 42 points on 14-for-22 from the field and 14-for-18 from the line. (Btw, one of STATUE's FT misses came after a stat-cursing graphic alerted viewers to the fact that the Suns had hit 21 straight freebies). Heck, Stoudemire even had 11 boards...8 defensive!

After all the grinning and smirking Gasol did in Game 2, it was really sweet to watch Amar''''''e so relentlessly abuse him last night. It'll be a wonder of human psychology if Pau doesn't try to enroll in witness protection this morning.

I could go on about L.A.'s defensive ineptitude, or how they got rattled by the Suns' zone and were seduced into chucking up all sorts of crappy treys, but how about I just cut-and-past what Basketbawful reader Karc had to say about this game:

Yeah, about that "4th" ranked defense for the Lakers, gave up another 118 points tonight to the Suns and lost. 24th ranked three-point shooting, so why not take 32 threes and only hit 9. There was a sequence late in the game where they shot four bricked threes in a row, I think they were only down by 4 at that point. Sure enough, Suns go up 10, ball game over.

Of course, there was the obligatory "stat curse" when it was mentioned that the Lakers are unbeaten in the playoffs when Gasol and Byrant score 20 each. Not any more.

One of the interesting arguments I hear from people who defend the Lakers is that they play smart basketball. Watched that fourth quarter. Five turnovers, Odom fouling out, Lakers getting sucked into bad jumpers from a zone defense of guys six inches shorter than them. Not proclaiming to be an expert at basketball, but going into the paint seemed to be working.

Can we just hand the title to Boston at this point? Seriously, who's going to beat them? Orlando's deadly (more like suicidal) three-point shooting? The Lakers' stupidity to rely on their 24th-ranked three-point shooting when they've got a guy in there who's virtually unstoppable in the post (Gasol went 11-14, could have been 19-23 and a win if they take out the gun-slinging). Suns don't have a chance against a team that actually plays some defense.

And, LA fans (including the ones in Phoenix), quit this whole "We want Boston" chant. First, you haven't beaten the Suns yet. BTW, WOTN goes to Andrew Bynum for this nugget, then stinking out the joint with a field goal, two rebounds, and four fouls in under eight minutes.

This goes back to my whole "Lakers are not that smart" position. Paul Pierce did a similar thing the other day after the road win in Orlando (basically tweeting that the series was over, and it is), and Doc Rivers immediately got on his case for it, saying "I wish he hadn't said that." Ray Allen chipped in something about humility. Pierce redeems himself the next game in a team effort to crush the Magic. Where was Fisher to take the "humble" stance? Or Phil Jackson with something about staying in the zone? Though he gets a slight pass because of the AWESOME shot at Craig Sager's suit, calling him the Good Humor Ice Cream Man. Lakers may win the series, but you'll probably be chanting "No more Boston" after they bitchslap the Lakers in 5.

Andrew Bynum: Karc gave you his stat line...and it wasn't good. And now Phil Jackson is considering benching the kid.

Said Phil: "I'll talk to him to see what his suggestion is about it and how he feels about it. I think he was ineffective. There were some things that got by him. He had one nice move in the post. Defensively I thought he was a little bit late."

Added Bynum: "I was ineffective, that's obvious."

The benches: Lamar Odom might have been the biggest victim of the Phoenix zone, and he finished with 10 points on 4-for-14 shooting and only 6 rebounds before fouling out. The rest of the Lakers reserves managed only 8 points on 3-for-10 shooting.

As for the Suns' bench, those dudes went 3-for-21 from the field, with Channing Frye (0-for-7, 0-for-5 on threes) and Leandro Barbosa (0-for-4, 0-for-3 from distance) leading the Brick Parade. Man, if Frye could just hit a freakin' shot...speaking of which...

Channing Frye: For the series, Frye is shooting 1-for-20 from the field, 1-for-14 on threes, and has missed 17 straight shots. His hero? Rashard Lewis, apparently.

Robin Lopez: Lopez actually had a really strong game, hitting some hook shots and providing actual, honest-to-goodness interior toughness for the "spongy on the outside, cream filling on the inside" Suns. But please don't try to tell me thsi happened on accident:


Steve Nash's face: Holy Christ, is Steve's face going to survive the playoffs? The man wasn't exactly handsome when the postseason started. Now he looks like someone who's spent the last five years living on a strict diet of Steven Segal face punches. President Obama is this close to declaring Nash's mug a national disaster site...and he probably would have done it already if Nash wasn't Canadian.


After Nash bent his busted nose back into place on live TV during the game, Basketbawful reader zyth said: "So, um, when do we fawn over Bron's or Kobe's toughness next? It's just ridiculous how little love Nash gets around the world."

This is a fact: Nash does not get nearly enough credit for his toughness. Here's a dude who plays through a chronic back ailment that affects him every day and has for his entire career. But all we ever hear about is Kobe's finger or LeBron's elbow. I actually read an article in the Chicago Tribune this weekend that said (with complete seriousness) that the Crabs would have swept the Celtics if LeBron's elbow would have been 100 percent. And if the Lakers end up losing, I have a funny feeling we'll suddenly find out something was "wrong" with Mamba. Meanwhile, as awesome as he is, nobody ever says, "Man, imagine how good Nash would be if he didn't suffer from spondylolisthesis.

As always, I'm just sayin'.

Amar''''''e Stoudemire: "You can never question my determination, my focus, my dedication. That's one of the reasons I've persevered through injuries and continue to try to improve every summer. My dedication to the game is at an all-time high."

Lamar Odom, unintentionally dirty quote machine: "He got to the hole and was forceful."

Mike Brown: Fired. We all saw that one coming, right? Another Coach of the Year casualty. Did you know, four of the past five CotYs (Brown, Byron Scott, Sam Mitchell and Avery Johnson) have been fired, and the oen before Johnson (Mike D'Antoni) was, shall we say, encouraged to explore other options. If I was Scott Brooks, I would be getting a little twitchy.

Weekend lacktion report: I don't like to criticize, but I think Chris should have included Rashard Lewis in his lacktion report...

Magic-Celtics: Michael Finley found a piece of masonry at the Gaaahden and paired it with a foul in 8:23 for a celebratory +2 suck differential!

Meanwhile, Shelden Williams parked in the lacktion ledger tonight by countering a board in 4:45 with a foul and giveaway for a 2:1 Voskuhl.

Lakers-Suns: Josh Powell powered up via portobello in just 55 seconds for a Mario.

Labels: Boston Celtics, Dwight Howard, Jameer Nelson, Los Angeles Lakers, Orlando Magic, Phoenix Suns, Rashard Lewis, Steve Nash, Vince Carter

Here's a new twist on an old theme...the sad standing bench.
The Orlando Magic: Remember: This was supposed to be a better Magic team than the one that made the NBA Finals last year. All the experts said so. The numbers said so. Their 8-0 record and monstrous point differential through the first two rounds of the NBA playoffs said so. Just like a Weekly World News Headline -- "Bat Boy pregnent with Hitler's Robot Baby" -- it was a scientific fact.

Here's another fact for you: The Magic are now 0-2 in their Eastern Conference Final series with the Boston Celtics. And Orlando is 0-5 all-time in playoff series in which they lose the first two games. Okay, that was two facts, but you see what I'm getting at.

Of course, I've been saying all season that these Magic weren't as good as last year's squad, no matter what lies the experts and their stats were telling us. The 2008-09 Magic had a system. Dwight Howard anchored the defense and took care of the heavy lifting, and Hedo Turkoglu facilitated the offense and took over scoring duties in crunch time. The 2009-10 Magic replaced Hedo with Vag Carter. And that's pretty much where I rested my argument...and I was right. But we'll get back to that.

For the game, Orlando managed only 92 points on 39 percent shooting. Mind you, this was despite a 9-for-13 night from Dwight Howard. Speaking of which, I have to give Pumaman credit. After getting roughed up and beaten down in Game 1, Dwight said he was going to change his tactics. And he did. Instead of trying to elbow past or straight through his Celtic defenders, Howard made much quicker moves, stopped trying to over-dribble and power his way through the defense, and seemingly developed a quick-spin hook shot overnight.

Dwight finished with a game-high 30 points and even went 12-for-17 at the free throw line, which is pretty freaking good for him.

But I made this point yesterday: The Celtics don't necessarily care about stopping their opponent's superstar. Sure, they want to make life as rough on that player as they can, but their brilliance is in stopping "the other guys." I'm always telling BadDave and Evil Ted this, but in many cases, if not most cases, superstars don't win championships. The role players do. The Birds, Jordans, Magics, etc., those types of players are going to get their numbers. They always do. But it's John Paxson or Robert Horry or Steve Kerr hitting a clutch jumper that usually swings things one way or the other. Heroics from an unexpected source.

The Celtics wouldn't let that happen.

The non-Howard Magic starters were 13-for-42 from the field. J.J. Redick was the only player to do much scoring off the bench -- he finished with 16 points -- but went 3-for-9 from the field. Of course, in all fairness, Redick did go 2-for-3 from downtown and 8-for-8 from the line. Moreover, he had 4 assists, a surprising 2 offensive boards (both on the same possession), and helped keep the Magic from falling apart in the first half. In fact, Redick logged 34 minutes and finished with Orlando's best plus-minus score (+5).

Next to Howard, Redick was the Magic's most important player. I hope you see why that was a huge-ish problem.

Here are some other numbers for your enjoyment: Orlando gave up 22 points off only 14 turnovers. Furthermore, they were outrebounded 38-36 and outscored 36-34 in the paint. Those last two disadvantages aren't staggering, except that the Magic were supposed to win the paint and rebounding battles handily. After all, Howard is the best center in the league, right? And the Celtics are a bad rebounding team, aren't they?

Some theories just don't hold up.

Reality check: The Magic hadn't lost back-to-back home games since losing Games 4 and 5 of the 2009 NBA Finals. For all intents and purposes, that ended Orlando's title run. Seems like history could be repeating itself here.

Vince Carter: Like I said above, when they replaced Turkoglu -- who was indeed overpaid by the Raptors but had proven himself as the Magic's go-to guy -- with Half Man, Half A Nutsack, I wrote Orlando off as a true championship threat. With Hedo gone, who was going to take over clutch duties for the Magic? Pumaman, who has 1.5 post moves and can't hit free throws? Rashard Lewis, who's never liked doing the dirty work and can't really create his own shot? Nope, Vinsanity was the Magic's new Captain Crunch. He was the only one who had the capability to do it.

And last night, that fact bit the Magic in their magical ass.

I'll give him this much: Carter hit two or three really tough shots, which naturally led Mark Jackson to exclaim, "And that's why the Magic got Vince Carter...to hit big shots!" And just as naturally, Jeff Van Gundy pointed out that those "tough shots" were actually "bad shots"...and that knocking them down is a sort of fool's gold.

As usual, Van Gundy was right.

Vag went 5-for-15, grabbed only 1 rebound, dished only 1 assist and committed 3 turnovers. But Carter's biggest eff up came when it mattered most. Of course. The Magic were down three points with 34.7 seconds left, but Stan Van Gundy wrote up a play that worked: Carter got free on a drive and almost made it to the rim before getting fouled by Paul Pierce. All Carter had to do was knock down both freebies and the Magic would have a really good chance to steal this game.

Vag bricked the first. Right before the second attempt, the camera zoomed in on Carter's face. I swear, he looked like a Fear Factor contestant who had just been asked to eat a giant plate full of cow testicles that were covered in crawling insects. I immediately said, "Nope," as in, "He is so going to shank that second free throw."

And he did.

Update! Okay, first of all, I realize cow's don't have balls. It was s'posed to be part of the joke. But anyway, Evil Ted and I were just talking about the game and I came up with a better analogy: Have you ever been stuck somewhere -- on a train, or a plane, or in a car on the highway -- and suddenly been hit with a case of diarrhea? All you can do is screw up your will power and try to hold it in. That's the look Vince had on his face...the look of a man who was terrified that he was about to shit his pants. And then he did it.

Said Carter: "I don't take losses well."

That's funny, Vince, because you've had a lot of practice. Everybody knows this is Carter's first trip to a conference finals, right?

Carter continued: "They bring me in to make plays and deliver in crunch time. For me to step up there and miss two free throws, regardless, this doesn't sit well with me."

Well, I'm sure Magic fans are utterly relieved that blowing the game doesn't sit well with you. Like a Hello Kitty band-aid, that just makes it all better.

"Don't blame me. Basketbawful warned y'all."
As Basketbawful reader Kazam92 said:

Hedo wouldn't miss those FT's, he'd likely also hit that 3 that nelson bricked earlier.

just a reminder:

Update! The Ghost of Nick Anderson: I can't believe I didn't include this on my first try:


J.J. Redick: After Game 1, Basketbawful reader Basebawful said: "I think J.J Redick should play more minutes, the guy is a hustler, plays great defense on Ray Allen and shoots great. That run at the end of the game was in part because of him."

To which Cortez replied: "If they go this route...Celtics in 3 because they'll cancel the last game to pay respects to Redick's smoldering corpse."

Well, Redick did get big minutes in Game 2, and for the most part, he delivered. But...he also made the second-biggest eff up of the game.

After Carter bonked those foul shots, the Celtics used their full 24 seconds before missing a shot. Redick grabbed the rebound, but instead of calling time out, he took off toward half court. Not only did he run crucial seconds off the clock, he never made it over the half court stripe before finally calling for time. This meant that not only were the Magic left with only 3.5 seconds, they had to take the ball out from beyond half court.

Okay, maybe that was the biggest eff up of the game.

Said Van Gundy: "[Immediately calling timeout] would have made a big difference. We said in the thing to call a timeout. We didn't make the right play there at the end."

Added Redick: "I made a mistake. I didn't hear the whistle initially. When I didn't hear it initially, I just kind of went, then I realized we should have called a timeout. So that was my fault."

Pretty much, yeah.

I expect him to start smoldering soon...
Rashard Lewis: Back in 2007, a lot of people had a mini-freakout when the Magic decided to give Lewis a six-year, $110 million contract. I mean, how do you pay that much for a guy who can't create his own shot, doesn't generate offense for his teammates, never rebounded well for his size and doesn't play much defense?

But the Magic have gone 170-76 and made an NBA Finals since Lewis arrived, which forced people to kind of back off. But, well, the dude has been lost against the Celtics. Take last night's performance: 41 minutes, 5 points, 2-for-6 from the field, 1-for-3 from downtown, 4 rebounds. If Jackson and Van Gundy hadn't kept saying that the Magic needed Rashard to do something, I honestly would have forgotten he was even out there...that he was even still alive.

For God's sake, J.J. scored over three times as many points as Lewis did!

Mark Jackson, quote machine: As Basketbawful reader Luke pointed out: "Incredible! Mark Jackson just suggested that given the foul trouble of the Celtics big men, Brian Scalabrine could come in and guard Dwight Howard." That was a truly frightening moment for Boston fans. Fortunately for those fans and Scal himself, it never came to pass.

Amar''''''e Stoudemire: When Lamar Odom outrebounded him 19-3 in Game 1 of the Western Conference Finals, well, that should have been a wakeup call, right?

Yeah, right.

Said STAT: "I'm not giving him no hype right now; he had a lucky game in Game 1. We just got to make sure we box him out. I think I focused so much on [Pau] Gasol and [Andrew] Bynum to where he snuck in there and got 19 boards, so now we just got to make sure there's three guys out there that can rebound well [when] adding Odom. So, we got to do a better job on them."

Luck, huh? See, to me, rebounding is more about hard work and determination than luck. Do you know who leads the Suns in defensive rebounding during the 2010 NBA playoffs? It's 37-year-old Grant Hill with 59 defensive boards. Meanwhile, Stoudemire has only 41 defensive rebounds despite playing 75 more minutes than Hill. What's more, Stoudemire barely ranks ahead of Steve Nash in Defensive Rebounding Rate in the playoffs (12.5 to 10.3). Hill leads the team in DRR at 22.2.

There are several things that bother me about Stoudemire as a big man...and rebounding is one of them. I watch the Suns play a lot, and it seems lik Amar’e isn’t a big fan of going after contested defensive rebounds. And at times, he doesn’t do a great job of boxing out. Again, Lamar Odom outrebounded him 19-3.

Luck has nothing to do with it.

The NBA Draft Lottery: I'll leave this one to the readers:

From Adam:

Oh God, the Nets even fail in the lottery. They ended up third when they had like a 25% chance of first.

From Heretic:

HAHAHAHA New jersey didn't get the No.1 pick and DC (my neighborhood) gets No.1. Wonder what they're gonna do with Gilbert "Gun Fingaz" Arenas. Fuck that Russian dude.

From Will:

Three people deserve Worst-Ofs from the lottery:

1. Danny Granger for jinxing the Pacers' chances.

2. Aaron Brooks for forgetting his pocket protector.

3. The guy interviewing John Wall for giving me the most awkward thing I've seen since I-don't-know-when.

From Bryan:

The wizards were gunning for that #1 spot and hit the target. Good for them. They had John Wall in their cross-hairs and took aim at turning their team around and shot for the stars. Shoot, with a little bit of luck, every team has a shot to turn around their fortune. No more riding shotgun for them in this league. Now lets see if they pull the trigger on Wall or shoot themselves in the foot and go another direction. Couldnt have happened to a better team. David Stern has to be happy Arenas will be a mentor to the NBA's next big star. Go Wiz!!

Yesterday's officiating tirade: Yesterday, I wrote a thousand-word post about why the Phoenix Suns got blasted in Game 1 of the Western Conference Finals. Nowhere in that post was officiating mentinoed. Officiating got brought up in the comments section, I made a non-comment, and then things went berserk...leading to the following comment in the BAD comments by Basketbawful reader Fishy:

According to just about every fan, their team would be 82-0 during the season and 16-0 during the playoffs if it weren't for the refs.

When my team loses I tend to remember all the missed free throws, turnovers, bad shots, bad defense, mental lapses, non-box-outs, and all the things MY TEAM DID TO LOSE and THE OTHER TEAM DID TO WIN....

... not a few bad calls that went against us, because there for sure were a few bad calls that helped us too just like every damn game. Every. Game.

Naturally, most fans don't see the calls that go their way, just the ones that didn't.

It gets old people! The refs suck. We know. Now go focus on your team.

Here's what gets me about the whole situation. I never said the Suns lost because of officiating. AnacondaHL, who opened the can of worms, never said the Suns lost because of officiating. All that was said was this: There were some iffy calls on Grant Hill, and based on the numbers -- the Lakers were only +2 on the night when Hill was in the game, and they didn't break the game open until Hill got sent to the bench with his fourth foul and subsequent bogus technical -- that had an impact on the game.

Nobody said the Suns would have won had Grant not been the leading actor in The Phantom Foul Menace. Seriously, go back and reread that thousand-word post that doesn't mention officiating, then read all the comments. Nobody said the Suns would have won...and plenty of reasons were given for why they lost.

Which brings me back to why I didn't bring the officiating up in the first place: I didn't want some Lakers fans freaking out. That fact is, officiating has been brought up on this site -- both in posts and in the various comments sections -- many times during these playoffs. In fact, here's a bad call that went the Suns' way during their first round series with the Frail Blazers...a call, I would like to point out, that was prominently featured on this very site:


Amazingly, even shockingly, there wasn't a big deal made about that or any other crack on playoff officiating. Everybody has been able to either agree that bad calls are made sometimes or they shrug it off. End of story. Because, by and large, Basketbawful attracts a reasonably intelligent crowd of basketball fans who realize that there are countless factors that go into each and every win or loss.

I mean, if there was ONE REASON a team got beaten, my Worst of the Night posts would be pretty damn short, wouldn't they?

So please, as the leading provider of free basketball humor on the Interwebs, I'm asking everyone to do me a favor. Before you start labeling people as "pathetic" or "whiners," do me a favor and just read the posts. If I or somebody else clearly and sincerely states that Team A only beat Team B because of bad officiating -- that lousy calls were the only reason for a win or loss -- then by all means correct that person. But going on a bitter rant about nothing accomplishes, well, nothing. We're all here for a good time, not a war of words.

As an added bonus to this entry, here's a link Chris sent me about Phil Jackson's long history of working the officials during the playoffs. Man, that P-Jax...what a pathetic whiner. [Insert smiley face emoticon here.]

Update! Joe DeRosa: Talk about crafty: Mr. DeRosa tossed a basketball to an angry fan, and when the fan threw it back to him, Joe signaled for security to throw the fan out...and they did. Well, not really. The Orlando Sentinel says the fan is Wyndham Vacation Ownership CEO Franz Hanning, who was simply moved to another (probably not quite as good) seat. The Sentinel also says Hanning is an acquaintance of Boston Celtics coach Doc Rivers, who lives in Orlando.

Here's the footage:

Labels: Amare Stoudemire, Boston Celtics, J.J. Redick, NBA playoffs, Orlando Magic, Vince Carter, Worst of the Night

Alvin Gentry taking coaching advice from Lakers fan Jack Nicholson?
So that explains the loss! I'm tellin' y'all it's sabotage!
Can we all agree the Suns probably wouldn't have won last night's game no matter how the officiating played out? Hopefully they at least provide us with a little more entertainment next time. And as UpA said in the WOTN comments: "I feel the David Stern Censorship Machine (TM) is coming to bawful... if you keep cricitizing the refs someone will be shutting this place off..."

Worst of the Night in Pictures:

By the 4th quarter, the Suns bench had already gone through denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and arrived at acceptance

Kobe is just a little bit happy that Grant Hill got called for the foul.

You may be asking "why post a picture of Jessica Alba in the stands?" My reply? Why not!
(Anything to distract me from the action on the court last night is a welcome diversion)
All The Games:
NBA Draft Lottery - ESPN, 8:00pm

It's the John Wall Sweepstakes! I will almost feel bad if the New Jersey Nets don't get the #1 seed. Almost. Meanwhile, I continue to look forward to the actual draft to see if Minnesota will pick another guard or three this year.

Celtics at Magic - ESPN, 8:30pm
Celtics lead series 1-0

The Celtics haven't won more than four straight games since Christmas. The Magic haven't lost consecutive home games all season. It wouldn't surprise me if the Magic looked a lot stronger this time around than in the series opener. However, it also wouldn't surprise me that a team that relies on Dwight Howard that heavily to lose. (Per Paul Pierce and his self-proclaimed Truth: "You know we going crazy tonight. sorry Dwight ") And furthermore, it wouldn't surprise me to see a team lose when the player trying hardest is Vag Carter. That's some seriously bad mojo.

Labels: Bawful After Dark, Jack Nicholson, Paul Pierce, Vince Carter

Vinsanity involved in virtual man love? Shock!
It's a very special President's Day edition of the NBA 2K10 My Player Diary! Before we get going, you need to watch this quick, erm, history lesson on George Washington. (Warning -- Audio is NSFW)


Okay, now that we've gotten that out of the way, let's get into my virtual basketball career. Because it's sure as hell more exciting than the Dunk Contest was, and slightly less bawful than the airball display known as the Celebrity Game, or that final inbounds play the Western All-Stars attempted.

Random Pics and Video:


Assorted lowlights and highlights from this stretch of games
(Includes a blocked dunk and TWO shots clanked off the side of the backboard!)

Van Gundy wearing a tie? What the hell??

Okay, that's better.
Game Log:

Hawks 80 at Magic 103
My line: 49 points, 4 rebounds, 7 assists, 4 steals, 4 turnovers
Summary: This was a fairly uneventful home game. We basically led the entire game, and aside from me being a turnover machine thanks to a couple of passes just plain slipping out of my hands (my player isn't good at passing while in the air yet...), not much happened. Jermaine "The Drain" O'Neal managed to get called for offensive 3 seconds near the end of the 1st quarter AND at the beginning of the 2nd quarter. Also, in the 3rd quarter, I broke loose for a short jumper, maybe 8 feet. It caught iron and bounced out, but Stan Van Gundy was happy with my shot selection. Clark Kellogg in the booth, however, berated me and said: "That was an ill-advised shot, no question about it." I am so conflicted.

Celtics 109 at Magic 106
My line: 51 points, 2 rebounds, 10 assists, 8 steals
Summary: Oh man, this is an example of what annoys me about NBA 2K10. Sometimes, like the Madden series, this game just goes into what Bill Simmons calls "Eff You" mode. It just decided it did not want me winning this game. My teammates' interior defense was even more non-existent than usual. Rajon Rondo unleashed 21 assists on me. Rashard Lewis shot 3-for-10, and Vince Carter shot 1-for-10. And I couldn't even stop Vinsanity -- he did almost all of that shooting when I was on the bench. I went to the bench in the 2nd quarter with us down 5, and came back just two minutes later down 38-24! I began risking fouls late and hassled Rondo into turnovers late to rally back, but it was just not meant to be.

Magic 111 at Jazz 91
My line: 44 points, 5 rebounds, 9 assists, 3 steals, 5 turnovers
Summary: My five turnovers is a little deceptive. One was lost because Dwight Howard turned his back on me after I threw the ball in his direction. One was the result of a charge. And the best one? I missed a layup and, thanks to uncalled contact, I fell to the floor and had trouble standing back up. I got called for an offensive 3 second violation for lying on the ground in the paint! Oh, and Stan Van Gundy decided to sit me in garbage time before I could get my 10th assist for the double-double. Thanks a bunch, Coach. I want to stat pad for a better contract! Also noteworthy: Eric Maynor put up a 0-for-3 shooting performance and lost 2 turnovers in 4 minutes. Fail.

Magic 109 at Timberwolves 105
My line: 49 points, 5 rebounds, 10 assists, 5 steals, 2 blocks, 2 turnovers
Summary: Deceptive final score -- we dominated the Timberpoops all game, but I sat for a long, long while in garbage time and the T-Wolves starters owned our human victory cigars to make the margin of victory smaller.

Magic 106 at Lakers 107
My line: 53 points, 3 rebounds, 8 assists, 6 steals, 1 block, 5 turnovers
Summary: Larry Hughes sighting! He somehow landed on the Lakers in my game. Like the game against the Celtics, this was another Eff You game. My bench let me down. My teammates let me down both when I was on the floor (turned their backs on my passes, bumbled passes, no defense) and when I was off the floor they just plain sucked. I wanted to pull a Sprewell and strangle them. I went to the bench down by two points late in the game, and came back just a few seconds later down 95-88! I managed to pull off two clutch steals on back-to-back possessions to make it close, but Rashard Lewis missed the game winner. I was double-teamed at the perimeter, and he was my only open shooter, and he barely hit the side of the rim. Just awful.

Magic 112 at Clippers 92
My line: 36 points, 1 rebound, 9 assists, 11 steals
Summary: Wow. This game was painful. I was hoping to drop like 75 points or something in a revenge game, but I COULD NOT buy a bucket (I blew wide open layups, etc.). I had to settle instead for setting an Orlando franchise record with 11 steals. Baron Davis, consider yourself my bitch. (I even forced him into an over-and-back violation in the first quarter, which does not count as a steal, but is still a forced turnover) Most of these steals were just the result of cutting off passing lanes rather than poking the ball loose. Yeah, that's Clippers basketball for you.

Spurs 106 at Magic 103
My line: 40 points, 2 rebounds, 8 assists, 5 steals, 3 blocks
Summary: Vanilla Godzilla! Yes, Joel Pryzbilla ended up in San Antonio once I left town. So disappointed I didn't get to play along side the Vanilla Godzilla. :( But anyhow, this game was also sad. My teammates decided to not show up again, and the game totally was in Eff You mode from the start. Dwight Howard and his bawful hands bumbled so many easy passes under the basket when he was just jogging along the baseline. In a sad but funny bawful moment, I stole the ball right by the halfcourt line, and while gaining control of it... I got called for a backcourt violation. Vinsanity decided to play his trademark defensive style... and fouled jump shooters on consecutive possessions, and then he also turned the ball over on a charging call at the start of the 3rd quarter. Meanwhile, I could not hit a shot the entire second quarter. I missed six or seven consecutive layups. They weren't blocked, I just flat missed them. However, my teammates couldn't hit shots either, so I was forced to try and get something going. I shut down Tony Parker and got three blocks against him that helped turn around our momentum, and I started hitting shots late (I still only shot 48% for the game when I normally average over 60%), but it was too late. We closed it to the 104-103 score and got a defensive stop and timeout with 7 seconds left in the game, leaving us with a chance to win. However, we wasted that chance when Jameer Nelson got a 5 second call! He couldn't inbound the ball even though I was WIDE OPEN. I died a little inside.

Grizzlies 102 at Magic 117
My line: 44 points 1 rebound, 9 assists, 8 steals
Summary: I didn't write any notes on this game for some reason, so I guess it wasn't very eventful. The most noteworthy occurance? I clanked a shot off the side of the backboard on a baseline jumper. Later in the game, OJ Mayo did the same exact thing.

Latest Transactions:
We traded Corey Brewer straight up for Luis Scola. Also, the rumor mill says Jameer Nelson might be traded soon. He's not very happy, and several teams are looking at him.

Labels: George Washington is made of radiation, My Player diary, NBA 2K10, Vince Carter

Alright, it's Wednesday. We're halfway through the week. I can't wait for this week to end -- you're going to be in for a real treat when we celebrate the All Star weekend.

In the meantime, it's another Double Team edition of BAD. Chris wrote some of the game previews, and I wrote the others. Yay! Less work for me!

Quick Footbawful crossover... The most unintentionally comedic item I've seen all day (thanks to Deadspin for sharing it) has to be this article about how the Saints are evil for attempting an onside kick and should burn in hell. (Okay, maybe I extrapolated a little there, but that's the direction the article was already going). Also, I love how the author chooses to ignore the fact that if Hank Baskett simply caught the ball that was kicked right to him, the Colts would have been given excellent field position (30+ yards better than if the Saints had done a regular or even squib kick).

Oh, and how could I forget? As passed along by Matt McHale: Technical Writer, you must see Lamar Odom starring in the greatest commercial of all time.


Now, we of course have to wonder... if Darryl Dawkins gets ahold of these PowerBar Energy Blasts, will he bypass Lovetron and dunk on an even more badass planet in another solar system?

Bawful Trade of the Day:
Couple of trades this time around. Basketbawful reader matt had this suggestion:

I tried this trade just for pure ridiculousness:

Heat acquire: Luke Walton and Lamar Odom
Raptors acquire: Ron Artest, Derek Fisher, and Jordan Farmar
Crabs acquire: Josh Powell, Adam Morrison, Sasha Vujacic, DJ Mbenga, Shannon Brown
Lakers acquire: LeBron James, Chris Bosh, Dwyane Wade

Send LO back to the Heat, relegate Artest and the Lakers' struggling point guards to Siberia...er, Canada, and put Josh Powell, Ammo, the Machine and DJ Mbenga with the Lacktion Jacksons to let the Cavs field an ultimate lineup of suck.

But of course the highlight of this trade is sending the big name free agents in Bosh, Wade and James to the Lakers. Somehow this increases the Lakers win total by 8. Seems little if you think of the talent that's coming there but seems like a lot if you consider that the Lakers will only have a 6 man roster, not rotation, roster.

What do you guys think?

CaptainHomeless brings us this trade suggestion:

Here is my entry for a supremely Bawful Trade. The goal was to remove the best player and franchise centerpiece from arguably the three best teams in the league, and stick them someplace terrible from a publicity standpoint.

Bobcats acquire: Kobe, Lebron, and Dwight Howard
Lakers acquire: Shaq
Crabs acquire: Desagana Diop, Tyson Chandler, Gerald Wallace, and Stephen Jackson
Magic acqure: Nazr Mohammed and Boris Diaw

Gains the Charlotte Bobcats -- a team with pitiful attendance and massive financial problems, stuck in a tiny market where no one cares about them -- some amazing star power ... but somehow only nine more wins. Despite that fact, I suspect the six Bobcats fans out there are thinking "Yes, please."

Reunites Shaq with LA and costs them 11 wins in the process.

Absolutely devastates the Cavaliers in all ways.

And somehow improves Orlando by one game!

Worst of the Night in Pictures:

If you find this position intriguing and would like to know how it can further be useful, I suggest Googling Sasha Grey or Tori Black
(WARNING -- Doing such a search is EXTREMELY NSFW, but also extremely awesome. You're welcome.)

One word: shart

The Timberwolves and the 76ers. The NBA -- it's Faaaaaantastic!

Alright D-Wade, I know you beat up on the Rockets pretty bad, but I don't think it's quite time to be getting sized for a ring yet...

"Tayshaun, you smell... manly..."

Nationally Televised Games:
Celtics at Hornets: As much as CP3's injury has set New Orleans back, at least most of their roster hasn't started collecting Social Security yet. And hey, CP3 won his charity bowling tournament that was recently aired on ESPN (tape delayed by a couple months, of course). So he's got that going for him, which is nice.

All The Other Games:
Heat at Hawks: Today's magic number: 5. The number of consecutive home gams won by Atlanta? Five. The number of consecutive games the Heat have lost in Atlanta? Five. The number of times I thought about making a reference to Subway's current "Five Dollar Footlong" marketing campaign but couldn't find a way to connect it to either team? Five.

76ers at Raptors: Chris Bosh is playing out of his mind and has the Dinos one win away tying their franchise mark for wins before the All-Star break. Too bad he'll be in (insert city where LeBron's playing) next year.

Bucks at Nyets: Milwaukee's four games under .500. The Nyets are also familiar with the number four - the total amount of wins they have this season. Ladies and gentlemen, the Basketbafwul Game Of The Night!

Kings at Pistons: After catching the Knicks in a bout of catatonia late last night, the Purple Paupers get to travel to Oakland County and meet up with a team of rather similar characteristics - a 30+ loss squad with a suburban arena built in 1988. Well, similar except one barn is essentially a barn, and the other is called "The Palace" for good reason.

Magic at Bulls: Vinsanity on his 48 point effort against the Hornets: "It was a great feeling." Is that right? You mean actually giving a shit for a change and trying felt good? What a shocking revelation!

Bobcats at Timberwolves: Well, glad to see the Timberpoops have finally fallen back down to Earth and are back to their losing ways. Whew. I was worried for a little while there. I thought somebody had divided by zero or something.

Frail Blazers at Suns: With Brandon Roy out, the Blazers have now dropped 8 of 12 games. Turns out Nate McMillan's the larger the injured-reserve list is, the more wins we get" strategy can only work for so long. Who knew?

Lakers at Jazz: Word is Bynum's out for this game. Hey, I've got an idea! Why don't the Lakers trade for Will Bynum so he can be subbed in whenever Andrew Bynum gets hurt. Great idea, right? Right...? *crickets*

Clippers at Warriors: The West Coast Bawful Game of The Night!? Will Steve Novak lack it up again for Kim Hughes? About the only drama worth tuning in for.

Labels: Bawful After Dark, Bawful Trade of the Day, Lamar Odom is flying to Saturn with a rocket pack, Vince Carter

I might be totally imagining this, but the Mavericks' "defense"seems to be aging Mark Cuban at an accelerated rate.
The Orlando Magic: "Vinsanity is back!"

You'll be reading that for the next couple days. At least until after the Magic play the Bulls in Chicago tomorrow night. And there's no doubt that Vince Carter had a throwback game, scoring 48 points on 19-for-27 from the field, 6-for-10 from downtown and 4-for-4 from the line. It was the third-highest point total of his career, behind only the 51 points he scored on February 27, 2000 for the Raptors against the Suns and the 51 points he dropped on the Heat while playing for the Nyets back on December 23, 2005.

And even though I really kind of hate VC, even I have to admit he looked pretty damn good last night. Step-back jumpers with a hand in his face, three-pointers while fading away over two guys, high-light reel-style layups over three guys. It was all pretty sweet...especially for a guy who shot 28 percent during the month of January. Carter also busted James Posey's ankles en route to a pro-hop layin.


You know a "but" is coming, right?

First of all, that performance was an abberation. Please undersstand this. Carter had what was, in essence, the third-best game of his career. And it's no coincidence it happened during a game that felt a helluva lot more like "Warriors versus Knicks" than "Chris Paul-less Hornets versus the Magic."

The final score was 123-117. Both teams shot over 50 percent: Orlando knocked down better than 54 percent of their field goal attempts while New Orleans hit nearly 52 percent from the field and 50 percent from beyond the arc.

This was not a defensive struggle, people.

And even though the Magic won, they fell behind by 17 points to a team without its best player and had to get a vintage scoring explosion from Vince Carter to eke out a six-point win at home.

Vince Carter, quote machine: Regarding his recent return from the icy grips of Basketball Death: "It's a new month. A new month brings new things. The past is the past, and it's going to be that. I've had rough months. That's just how it goes. And I know the expectations, and you work so hard to have an impressive resume, so it's expected each and every night. I understand that, and I don't have a problem with that. I don't mind being booed because I know what I can do. So I was just going to continue to play and shine through."

The _allas Mavericks: The slumping Mavericks outscored their opponent 37-19 in the fourth quarter to pull out a much-needed come-from-behind win. On the road, no less. And yet here they are in Worst of the Night.

That's because the opponent was the Gol_en State Warriors. And there were circumstances. And they were mitigating.

Calling the Warriors "injury plagued" is like calling Avatar "somewhat poorly written." They essentially played six men. Corey Maggette sat out with a finger injury. Devean George had flu-like symptoms. Vladimir Radmanovich missed the game with an Achilles injury. C.J. Watson (six minutes) and Chris Hunter (one minute) made token appearances. And Monta Ellis (27 points, 5 rebounds, 5 assists, 4 steals) had to leave during the fourth quarter due to a right knee injury. So, you know, make it five men.

And yet the Warriors finished with 117 points.

Some people will tell you that the Warriors dropped 70 points in the first half -- the most points scored in a single half by an _allas opponent all season -- before the Mavs "cranked up the defense down the stretch." Right. I'm here to tell you _allas took advantage of a tired team that had no bench to speak of. Stephen Curry (25 points, 9 assists) logged 48 minutes. Anthony Morrow (career-high 33 points, 11 boards, 4 assists) played 45. Monta Ellis missed four minutes...and that was only because he got hurt. Anthony Tolliver (14 points, 11 rebounds) put in 37 minutes off the bench (the only Warrior reserve to get serious time) and freaking Ronny Turiaf ended up with 35 minutes.

Trust me: Turiaf would not be logging that much time unless absolutely necessary. So please, let's not try to claim the Mavericks shut anybody down in the end game.

By the way, the Mavericks have now rallied from a double-digit deficit in 11 games, the most of any team in the NBA. And while that sounds impressive, that only means they've had to come back from double-digit deficits 11 times. Plus they've had 10 one-point victories, which is also an NBA "best."

All of which means: When I look at their 32-19 record, it just seems a little fishy to me.

The Gol_en State Warrors: Injured? Yes. Tired? Also yes. But facts are facts. They choked away a 14-point lead, gave up 127 points on 52 percent shooting (including almost 55 percent from downtown) and lost their season-worst ninth straight game (including five in a row at home).

And did I mention they're now tied with the Minnesota Timberpoops for the title of Worst Team in the Western Conference?

The San Antonio Spurs: For the first time this season, the Spurs are completely healthy. The Lakers, on the other hand, were without Kobe Bryant (bum foot) and Andrew Bynum (bruised hip cranky vagina). Should have been a gimme for San Antonio, right?

Sorry. These aren't your older brother's Spurs.

Pau Gasol (21 points, 18 rebounds, 8 assists, 5 blocked shots) not only outplayed Tim Duncan (16 points, 14 boards, 4 blocks), he also kinda proved that he -- and not a certain Black Mamba -- is L.A.'s foundation player. The Lakers really struggled without Gasol earlier this season. Yet in two games without Kobe Bryant, L.A. snapped a five-year losing streak in Portland by blowing out the Frail Blazers on Saturday, and last night they notched a double-digit home win over the Spurs.

Crazy.

The Lakers are now 55-33 all-time when Kobe sits out. Of course, Kobe apologists will be quick to point out that they're 19-23 in 42 games without him since the 2003-04 season. BUT...10 of those losses happened during the 2004-05 season. For the record, that was the first post-Shaq season. You know, the year Rudy Tomjanovich bailed on the team and and Kobe struggled with injuries down the stretch, forcing the Lakers to go to war with a starting five of Caron Butler, Chucky Atkins, Devean Goerge, Brian Grant and Luke Walton.

So, again, mitigating circumstances.

But as much as I love to bust on Kobe, the real victims of this entry are the Spurs. And here's what stands out most about this loss: The fact that nothing really stands out. They shot poorly (42 percent), but so did the Lakers (43 percent). They finished with three fewer rebounds and three fewer assists. They committed 13 turnovers, but L.A. scored only six points off those miscues, whereas San Antonio scored 12 points off 10 Lakers turnovers The Spurs outscored L.A. 48-46 in the paint.

When you come right down to it, the Spurs just...they just got outplayed. The Lakers were the better team. Without Kobe. Without Bynum. With Shannon Brown going 3-for-13 in 37 minutes while starting in Byrant's place.

If you're a San Antonio fan, that's gotta be pretty depressing. In related news, the Spurs are now involved in a legal battle over George Hill's genitals. And no, I'm not kidding.

The Nobel Peace Prize nomination process: Nominated? The Internet. Seriously. [H/T AnacondaHL.]

Lacktion report: Chris maintains his love affair with lacktion:

Hornets-Magic: Emeka Okafor bricked and fouled four times against two boards to earn a 4:2 Voskuhl in 9:01. Sean Marks also got into the Voskuhl category with a 3:1 ratio in 6:28, negating a board with three fouls. Meanwhile, former Clipper Jason Hart tossed a turnip in two seconds for a Super Mario!!!

Mavs-Warriors: The Oracle may have seen 244 points from both teams in 48 minutes, but such expansion on the scoreboard certainly did not prevent lacktivity from occurring!

In a snoozer of a start performance, Eduardo Najera subbed for Erick Dampier and can now participate in insider trades with team owner Mark Cuban, due to his 3.15 trillion (3:10) check! And speaking of Cuban, his "virtually untradeable" pet project (http://espn.go.com/blog/dallasmavericks/post/_/id/4665553/cuban-beaubois
-is-pretty-much-untouchable), Rodrigue Beaubois, earned himself a +4 suck differential in 1:49 via a pair of both fouls and giveaways.

For Team Nellieball, CJ Watson also earned a +4 in 6:18, via a trio of fouls and a singular loss of the rock. Also collecting wealth (enough to make Oracle founder Larry Ellison proud) was Chris Hunter, who earned a 1.05 trillion (1:03).

Spurs-Lakers: DJ Mbenga can now buy a home in Beverly Hills after collecting a celebratory 1.3 trillion (1:18)!

Labels: Dallas Mavericks, Golden State Warriors, Kobe Bryant, Los Angeles Lakers, Orlando Magic, San Antonio Spurs, Vince Carter