Courtesy of Hardwood Paroxysm via Arash Markazi...here's what looks to be an iconic image for the 2012-2013 Los Angeles Lakers.

Labels: double facepalm, Dwight Howard, LOL Lakers, Los Angeles Lakers, pumaman

Labels: Epic Fail, LOL Lakers, Los Angeles Lakers, Mike Brown, pumaman

So hey, the Purple Paupers won last night.  Neat.  But that's not what we're here to talk about.

You see, while the beleaguered team operated by a duo who couldn't tell the difference between a $1 bill and a $100 bill is now at TWO WHOLE WINS this year...two!...

There's a team a few hundred miles down Interstate 5 that is having a little bit harder of a go.


Oh, you mean the team that just got Pumaman and (an injured) Steve Nash in the offseason?  Wait a minute.



And no, that's not a typo.  The Lakeshow is in LAST PLACE, behind every single other team in the conference.

Will it last?  Probably not.  Is it Kobe's first ever experience with a 1-4 start?  Yeah, it is.  Is this amusing?  Endlessly.

Labels: Dwight Howard, Kobe Bryant, LOL, Los Angeles Lakers, Mike Brown, oops baby, pumaman

Editor's note: The top pic was created by The Big Nowitzki and sent to me by Shayan Mannan of Sports Haze. Evil Ted will be writing about the Celtics game.

The Los Angeles Lakers: You know what? In hindsight, the most shocking part about what just happened to the Lakers is how not shocking it should have been. L.A.'s season was a mishmash of up-and-down play. At times, they looked unstoppable. Other times, they looked helpless and lost. But their fans never quite lost that air of cocky arrogance and the non-fans never felt totally comfortable predicting the collapse that seemed inevitable. The Lakers had, after all, turned it on before.

But not this time.

The talent was there. No question about it. But something vital was missing and we may never know exactly what it was. Chemistry? That seems impossible given that the core group of back-to-back championship teams remained intact. Motivation? That doesn't feel quite right. The Lakers wanted to win.

I guess maybe it was desire. I can't presume to know what was going on inside their hearts, but this Lakers team felt different than the squads who won the last two league titles. Two seasons ago, they played pissed off after the way the Celtics had manhandled them in the 2008 NBA Finals. Last year, they played with a chip on their shoulder, because they still seemed to feel they had something to prove.

I never felt that this season. They played well in stretches but never inspired. At least, that's what it looked like from the outside. I think Kobe sensed it. I think that's why, after the Lakers lost to the Heat in Miami, he pulled that crazy "I'm going to shoot around until they kick me out of the arena" stunt. Kobe's a control freak. That's a large part of what's made him great. He could see the Lakers weren't competing the way they needed to if they wanted to defend their title. So Kobe controlled what he could control: His own maniacal effort.

Only that never inspired his teammates. No amount of ribbing in practice or public, no black swan / white swan comparisons, nothing lit a fire under the other Lakers. Basically, they lost the eye of the tiger.

Man, did they lose it.

I've always been a card carrying Lakers Hater. I wanted them to lose. I didn't want them to match the Celtics championship total. I didn't want Kobe to get his sixth ring or Phil Jackson to close out his career with a fourth three-peat. I wanted the Lakers to fail.

But like this? Swept. Demolished in Game 4. Meeting defeat in shame -- with cheap shots and elbows -- rather than facing it with dignity.

Look, I hate the Lakers, but I also respected them. They were champions. But, when the walls came tumbling down, they stopped acting like champions. They gave up in Game 4. They quit. They abandoned all the principles that won them back-to-back titles and started acting like a bunch of common thugs. For example:


And, not long after, this happened:


This fall from grace was about as graceless as it gets. It got to the point where Pau Gasol had to address Internet rumors about his personal life, while Jackson was forced to explain why he was smacking Pau in the chest during timeouts and had to resort to bitching about the officials. Kobe wondered out loud whether he was sick in the head for thinking his team could still win the series. Turns out, his teammates were just sick in the heart.

I mean, Andrew Bynum's post-ejection tearing off of his jersey while being escorted by the locker room by Ron Artest -- who himself had been suspended for Game 3 because he pulled a cheap shot on the same guy Bynum whacked -- was the lowest of the low moments of this series.

Championships are won. They aren't handed out because you're the best team on paper. The Lakers learned that lesson in 2008 and went on to win two titles in a row. I'm not sure what happened. Maybe Men in Black showed up and gave them a group mind wipe. "What you experienced wasn't back-to-back championships. It was swamp gas."

Bad form, Lakers. Bad form.

But you know what? A low moment for the Lakers was a high point for the Mavericks. Faily or unfairly, they have spent the past several seasons fighting a quiet war against accusations of being soft and mentally fragile. Well, they blew all those accusations to smithereens during this series. Sweet redemption after years of bitter torment. It kind of reminds me of when Phoenix swept the Spurs in the second round last year. Of course, we know how that turned out. Hopefully, the Mavs will have a better fate.

Possibly the strangest facepalm ever...
...but this is more like it.
Ron Artest, Dunk Master: Oh. My.


Kobe Byrant, quote machine: From Basketbawful reader Charles Y:


Experts: More fail from stephanie g:


The Chicago Bulls: The Bullies won Game 3 thanks to an all-out attack by Derrick Rose: 44 points (a career-high), 16-for-27 from the field, 4-for-7 from downtown, 8-for-9 at the line, 7 assists, 5 rebounds, a steal and a block. And as ESPN Stats and Information noted: "One of the more impressive aspects of Rose's performance was that he was scoring from everywhere. He scored 12 points in the paint, 12 from three-point range, and 12 from mid-range, adding eight points at the free throw line."

Rose was undeniably awesome in nearly every sense of the word. But the Bulls also dominated the glass, pulling down 18 offensive rebounds, and got great production out of their bench. And blowing out the Hawks in Atlanta just felt right.

But the performance was not repeated in Game 4. So...what happened?

For starters, Chicago's interior defense was poor. The Hawks went 22-for-34 (64.8 percent) at the rim and outscored the Bulls 56-40 in the paint. Horford was 6-for-6 at the rim. Joe Johnson was 3-for-3. Jason Collins was 2-for-2. Crawford 1-for-1. Teague was 4-for-6. Smith was 6-for-11.

Teams don't earn many wins by giving up that many good looks around the basket.

They also got shot down by Johnson (24 points, 9-for-14, 3-for-5 on threes) and picked apart by Smith (23 points, 16 rebounds, 8 assists). Smith didn’t shoot well (8-for-22), but he got to the line (7-for-9) and created extra offense though his passing and work on the offensive glass (5 offensive boards).

Overall, Chicago's defense simply wasn't that good. Atlanta finished with an Offensive Efficiency of 108.7. That’s too high for a team that relies on defense to win. Speaking of which...let's talk about their offense.

Rose finished with game highs in points (34), assists (10), free throw attempts (11) and shot attempts (32). It's that last stat that worries me. Especially considering the rest of the starting unit combined for two fewer shots than Rose took.

It's tempting to think the shot distribution wouldn't have been a big of a deal if Derrick had converted more than 12 of his attempts. But it was a big deal. And not because Rose's shot selection was terrible. After all, 22 of his 32 attempts came inside 10 feet. But he went only 6-for-14 at the rim and 2-for-8 from 3-9 feet.

To be completely honest, I thought there was a significant amount of uncalled contact on several of Rose's drives. Which isn't all that surprising, considering Hawks coach Larry Drew talked publically about his team getting more physical with Rose after Game 3. That's what happened. The Hawks forced Rose into several misses and got away with bumping him off a handful of shots that might have otherwise gone in or resulted in free throw attempts.

Said Bulls coach Tom Thibodeau: "He kept driving the ball. I'm anxious to see the replays. From my perspective, I thought he was getting fouled. Maybe he wasn't going hard enough."

But here's the thing: Even if Rose hit more shots and earned more trips to the lines, and even if the Bulls had pulled this one out, I would still have a problem with the offense. Or, at least, what it devolved into.

Here's what the Bulls offense looked like in the fourth quarter:

Carlos Boozer missed layup; Rose made 10-footer; Rose made 14-footer + 1 free throw; Rose made layup; Rose missed layup (blocked by Teague); offensive rebound; Rose missed 14-footer; offensive rebound; Rose missed 8-footer; Rose missed layup; Kyle Korver made 17-footer (Rose assists); C.J. Watson turnover; Taj Gibson 2-for-2 at the line; shot clock violation; Rose turnover; Luol Deng missed three-pointer; offensive rebound; Rose made 7-footer and the foul; Rose misses free throw; Rose made layup; Rose missed layup; Rose missed 6-footer; Rose turnover; Salvatore’s blown call; Korver missed three-pointer; Deng made layup (Rose assists); Korver turnover; Rose made layup.

In summary: The Bulls' fourth quarter offense consisted of only 2 assists (both by Rose), 4 free throw attempts, 5 turnovers and 17 field goal attempts...12 by Rose.

Said Thibodeau: "You know, when he's making the plays and he's scoring, everyone's saying how great he is. So tonight, he was aggressive. I didn't have any problem with the way he played. ... It's a make or miss league. If they go down, we're talking about the great plays and how unselfish he is."

Countered Kyle Korver: "I think when Derrick gets it going, he should shoot every time. But when it's not there, we got to work it as a team. We got to do a better job of getting open so he can see us, and he probably needs to do a better job sometimes of finding us, but it's a team thing. You can't out it on one person. Obviously, when he has it going, he is the best basketball player in the world, and we want him to take every shot that he feels like he's going to make."

Korver's right. The offense cannot become "Rose dribbles and drives while everybody else stands around watching." That's what happened in the fourth quarter of last night’s game, and it’s no wonder the Bulls scored only 19 points over those final 12 minutes. Look, Derrick has become a tremendous closer, one of the best in the game. But no matter how good he is, Most Valuable Player or not, the Bulls still need to execute an actual offense down the stretch.

That didn't happen last night. And it was costly. More so even than Bennet Salvatore's "inadvertent whistle" (see below). Much more so because officiating is out of a team's control. The way an offense runs is.

Take Boozer’s night. Carlos finally broke out of his offensive slump -- 18 points, 7-for-10 from the field, 4-for-4 from the line -- but attempted one shot in the fourth quarter. The first one, as it turned out, and he never shot again. That's ridiculous. Boozer is supposed to be the team's second offensive option. If the team isn’t going to go to him when he’s hot, when are they going to go to him? This is just a for instance. Deng is the team's third option and he took only two shots in the fourth.

Good offense requires ball movement and total involvement from all five guys on the floor. I'm perfectly okay with Rose taking 30+ shots as long as they come within the flow of the offense. When there’s no flow to the offense...that's when the problems crop up.

Everybody is at fault. Thibs is at fault for not running more plays that get players other than Rose good looks. Rose's teammates are at fault for not being more aggressive, getting open, and calling for the ball. And Rose is at fault for not generating more offense for the other guys wearing red jerseys.

It'll be interesting to see if they get it cleaned up in Game 5.

Officiating: With 2:27 left in the fourth quarter and the Bulls trailing 90-84, Derrick Rose made a nice ball fake, got Jamal Crawford into the air, and then drew obvious contact on a three-point attempt. Official Bennett Salvatore blew the whistle...

...then said it was inadvertent and ruled a jump ball. Josh Smith won the tip, Jeff Teague gained possession, and Atlanta’s possession ended with a dunk by Al Horford that increased Atlanta's lead to eight points.

That’s a big swing. It was also a bit mistake.

And Salvatore admitted as much.

Said Salvatore: "An inadvertent whistle is when a referee blows his whistle and didn’t mean to. That's exactly what happened. I blew my whistle and didn't mean to, I didn't think it was a foul. Having watched the replay after the game, it was a foul and I should have called it. I made a mistake."

He blew his whistle. But he didn’t think it was a foul. Okay.

Salvatore continued: "I blew my whistle. I was positive it was not a foul. I blew my whistle by accident. Which is an inadvertent whistle. That's why I disallowed it ... Having watched replay. It was a foul. I made a mistake. I was wrong."

Said Rose: "It's basketball. Hopefully next time they call it."

Added Bulls coach Tom Thibodeau: "At that time of the game, I've never seen that. But look, Bennett's a good official. He said he made a mistake. He's human. So that's what he did. He's a good official. He got him in the air, he came down on him. I thought it was a foul. But you know, sometimes it goes your way, sometimes it doesn’t.

You don't have to be a math major to realize how costly Salvatore’s mistake was for the Bulls. Assuming Rose hit all three of the free throws he should have gotten, the Bulls would have been down only three points with two and a half minutes remaining. Instead, after it was all said and done, they were down eight with two minutes to go.

And, watching the game, you could tell the sequence demoralized them.

If that call had been made correctly, the Bulls could have won this game. But it's not why they lost the game. They lost because they played poorly.

The Oklahoma City Thunder: If the Thunder could have scored 11 points in the fourth quarter of Game 3, they would have won and reclaimed homecourt advantage.

Instead, OKC got outscored 23-10 in the fourth and ended up losing in overtime.

The Grizzlies are brutal savages. They're a scary team, man. Never thought I'd say it, but it's true. But still...the idea that a team with Kevin Durant and Russell Westbrook got held to 10 fourth quarter points after beginning the period with a 13-point lead is stunning.

Said Mike Conley: "I think once we looked up at the clock and saw how many points we were down, a little bit of desperation hit. We were like, 'Man, we cannot lose this game.' And guys amped up their game, made some changes here and there, and we were able to just be scrappy and play our game, and fortunately we got the win."

Countered Durant: "This is a tough loss. I'm trying to stay positive, but it was tough. This was tough. We were up 13 going into the fourth, had a good roll going. It was tough."

Added Thunder coach Scott Brooks: "We stopped doing [what they did for the first three quarters]. The last seven or eight minutes, we just stopped doing it, and we gave into their play. I give them credit. They really stepped up and got into us and made us take tough shots."

No kidding. From ESPN Stats and Information: "The end-of-game dynamic between Russell Westbrook and Kevin Durant reared its ugly head again on Saturday. Entering Game 3, Durant had been tremendous in the final 5 minutes of regulation and OT, shooting over 50 percent from the floor compared to just 26 percent for Westbrook. Both struggled down the stretch on Saturday, combining to go 0-10 with the lone points coming on a pair of Russell Westbrook free throws."

As a team, the Thunder shot 36 percent, with Durant (10-for-24) and Westbrook (7-for-22) shitting bricks. Westbrook has 12 assists...but he also committed 5 of his 7 turnovers in the fourth quarter and overtime before fouling out of the game.

Bonk.

By the way, according to ESPN Stats and Information, that 10 points is tied for the fourth-lowest fourth-quarter playoff point total since 2005. I'm just sayin'.

Panathinaikos basketball fans: Nobody should get shot by an AK-47 over basketball. But it happened.

Chris' Playoff Lacktion Report:

Bulls-Hawks: Omer acquired a board in 14:12, but buried it in three fouls for a 3:1 Voskuhl. Rasual Butler had 121 seconds of prime rib pricing for a 2 trillion.

Meanwhile, Atlanta's Zaza Pachulia countered a free throw and board in 9:03 with a turnover and four fouls for a 5:2 Voskuhl, and both Jason Collins (in 1:45 via two fouls) and Josh Powell (in 4:07 via brick and turnover) got +2 suck differentials, with Collins getting a 2:0 Voskuhl and Powell earning a Madsen-level 1:0 ratio.

Lakers-Mavs: Joe Smith unmightily fouled in 3:23 for a +1 and a 1:0 Madsen-level Voskuhl, while Corey Brewer matched that suck differential for Dallas in 68 seconds via brick from the Stemmons Freeway.

Thunder-Grizzlies: Daequan Cook fried up three bricks from the Sterick Building, along with two fouls, to earn a +5 in 8:15!

El (Oh El) Heat-Celtics: Von Wafer plugged in his Super Nintendo for a mere four seconds, earning a celebratory Super Mario!!!!

Bulls-Hawks: Damien Wilkins bricked once in 58 seconds for a +1 and a Mario! And as commenter Batmanu notes...

Should we make mention in the Lacktion Report that Damien Wilkins' missed FGA was on a blown dunk at the end of the first half?

Yes, we will make mention of it. :D

Labels: 2011 NBA Playoffs, Andrew Bynum WTF, Chicago Bulls, Los Angeles Lakers, Oklahoma City Thunder, Worst of the Weekend

Pau Gasol is sad...
...AND BRIAN CARDINAL LIKES IT!
The Los Angeles Lakers: I'll admit it. I wrote off the Mavericks before this series even started. Lots of people did. Including, it seems, the Lakers.

But here we are. Not on Planet Earth. I'll tell you that much. It's Bizarro World. The Nuggets are better off without Carmelo Anthony. Danny Ainge willingly busted up a potential championship contender midseason. The Bulls have the best record in the league but look like poop in the playoffs. The Pacers became tough guys. Zach Randolph became superclutch. The Grizzlies dominated the Spurs before sending them home early. And the Lakers are down 2-0 to the Dallas Mavericks.

Despite having homecourt advantage.

Said Dirk Nowitzki: "If you would have told me before that we were going to win both games, it would have been hard to believe."

No kidding.

The situation is both shocking and...not all that shocking. L.A. has been turning it on and off all season. On some nights, Kobe looks like Kobe. Other nights, it appears he's lost half a step. When the season started, Pau Gasol was playing like an MVP candidate. After a month and a half of 40+ minutes per game, he looked like The Old Guy in a pickup league, exhausted and barely getting by on experience and instinct. The bench started off so hot Kevin McHale started calling them "The Killer Bees" but their production dropped off dramatically.

And Ron Artest still looks absolutely lost in Phil Jackson's Triangle.

No, the problems didn't start today, and Andrew Bynum knows it.

Said Bynum: "It's deeply rooted at this point. It's obvious that we have trust issues, individually. All 13 of our guys have trust issues right now. I think it's quite obvious to anyone watching the game -- hesitation on passes, and defensively we're not being a good teammate because he wasn't there for you before -- little things. And unless we come out and discuss them, nothing is going to change."

Countered Kobe: "I think the trust that he's referring to is being able to help each other on the defensive end of the floor. You saw a lot of layups. He gets frustrated when he supports a guard coming off the screen-and-roll and nobody supports him."

The Lakers can talk about defense all they want, but it's not like the Mavericks were setting the world on fire. They went 12-for-21 at the rim, which is good, but not great. Nowitzki was fantastic (24 points, 9-for-16, 2-for-3 from downtown), but Jasons Kidd and Terry combined to shoot 6-for-22. And Peja Stojakovic was flashing back to 2002 with his 2-for-9 (and 0-for-5 on threes) night.

As a team, Dallas shot 42 percent, went 8-for-25 from beyond the arc and got outrebounded 44-39.

L.A.'s defense did a credible job. Their offense, on the other hand, did not. Talk about way off: The Lakers converted only 41 percent of their field goals, shot 2-for-20 on threes and bricked nine of their 20 free throws. Kobe had one of his classic 9-for-20 nights (including 1-for-5 on treys). Gasol (5-for-12), Artest (4-for-10) and Derek Fisher (2-for-7) couldn't have located the basket with a police dog. The bench went 6-for-23, and that was despite Shannon Brown's 3-for-4 performance.

If it wasn't for Bynum's 8-for-11 shooting and 7 offensive rebound, the Lakers might have lost by 20.

You know what it was? The Mavericks were the aggressors. They had no fear. They attacked the Lakers on offense and defense. They never got rattled. Never backed down. They displayed a toughness nobody outside of Dallas believed they had.

Now ESPN's J.A. Adande says the three-peat ain't happening:

The Lakers are done. I say this despite their championship pedigree, their coach's ability to guide teams through apparent calamity and a direct warning from a certain 6-foot-6 guard.

"Be careful what you write," Kobe Bryant said, knowing full well that I and the rest of the media pack walking through the Staples Center corridor were about to type the Lakers' death notice as soon as we returned to the Chick Hearn Press Room.

"Be careful what you write," Bryant repeated. He added an admonition for my ESPN.com colleague. "You too, Stein."

I told Bryant that the Lakers don't have the energy.

"True," he said.

And if you don't have energy, then the schemes or the intent or the pride don't matter.

"True," he said.

There's no way he was leaving it at that. I tried to draw more out of him.

"But?"

"But," he replied with a smile. "But. Dot-dot-dot. "

Kobe's defiant. You expected that. But are any of the other Lakers feeling it?

Said Jackson: "It looked like Dallas had more energy out there on the floor than we did. That's a concern. ... We really got dispirited."

Now the Lakers have to be feeling the dreaded "D" word.

Said Kobe: "Desperate? That's a strong word. I think when you play desperate, you don't play your best basketball. What we need to do is relax, focus on what we're doing wrong and the mistakes that we're making, and we have plenty to review and lock in on that."

If you say so, Mamba.

Said Bynum: "If we go to the root of what's really hurting us and not candy-coat things and not talk around issues, then we'll be fine. If not, then we won't. I think we've addressed them before, but now is the time to really sit down and ask yourself the tough questions."

Good luck with that, Andy.

Stephanie G: "The ship be sinking."
Ron Artest: L.A.'s "defensive stopper" was dispatched on Dirk Nowitzki. And it didn't matter. Dirk still got whatever he wanted. What did you expect? That Artest could really guard a seven-footer? Really?

Still, that's not why Ron is getting a WotN. No, it's because your 2011 J. Walter Kennedy Citizenship Award winner did this:


As Basketbawful reader Peter asked: "Tru Warrior or Ultimate Warrior?"

Now that's the Crazy Pills we've been waiting to see. Artest was ejected and will likely be suspended for Game 3. Although, the way he's been playing, that might actually be good news for the Lakers.

Shawn Marion: Rewatch that Artest video and notice how Marion reacts to his teammate getting clotheslined across the face.

Bonus video: Basetbawful reader Cetti writes: "I do not have words for that." And by "that," Cetti is talking about this:


The Atlanta Hawks: Spider-Man's balls! The Dirty Birds really laid an offensive egg last night. I could eat Vinny Del Negro's offensive playbook and crap out a better game plan than Atlanta had last night. You know it's bad when, during those Mic'd up segments, the coach is bitching out his team for taking stupid shots.

And he wasn't wrong.

The Bulls held the Hawks to 73 points on 33.8 percent shooting and forced them to miss 10 of their 13 three-point attempts. Atlanta finished with a miserable Effective Field Goal Percentage of 35.7 and an Offensive Efficiency of only 81.1. As in points per 100 possessions.

The Hawks missed 11 of their 23 field goal attempts at the rim and went a gag-reflex-testing 6-for-30 from 16-23 feet. They were as cold last night as they were hot in Game 1. Dr. Jekyll, meet Mr. Hyde.

Chicago's D did a number on Josh Smith (4-for-14), Al Horford (3-for-12 and zero free throw attempts), Jamal Crawford (2-for-10) and Marvin Williams (2-for-9). Moreover, the Bulls contained Joe Johnson, who finished with 16 points on 7-for-15 shooting and made only one trip to the foul line. And, outside of Crawford, the Atlanta bench managed only 2 points.

According to ESPN Stats and Information, Atlanta had the lowest FGP of a Bulls playoff opponent since the Michael Jordan era...and the third-lowest since 1995-96.

Seriously, the Hawks couldn't have located the basket even if they'd had help from the CIA agents who tracked down Osama Bin Laden.

The Bulls also outrebounded the Hawks 58-39 and had an 18-10 advantage in second-chance points.

The only reason the Bulls didn't win this one by 30 is because their offense was almost as dreadful as Atlanta's. Derrick Rose had a case of the MVP yips: 10-for-27 from the field, 1-for-8 from downtown and 8 turnovers. Carlos Boozer kept shooting directly into the hands of Smith. Kyle Korver (1-for-9) led a Chicago bench attack that produced a combined 5-for-20 brick-a-palooza.

Noah was the hero of the night, scoring 19 points (6-for-8 from the field and 7-for-8 at the line) to go with 14 rebounds, including 7 big-time offensive boards. Jo also had three steals and countless hustle plays. There was no question he felt a sense of urgency. Still...Noah twice gave up three-point plays by swiping at an Atlanta player who was about to make an easy layup. The second time Noah did that -- fouling Smith with 4:56 remaining -- allowed the Hawks to pull to within six points (75-69).

That was the kind of night it was. It seemed that for every two positive players, somebody on the team made a negative one. Yes, the Bulls won by double-digits. No, it did not feel like a commanding victory even though it probably should have been.

The Bulls need to get their offensive act together. Pronto.

Carlos Boozer: Last night, Boozer went 3-for-8 at the rim, 0-for-1 from 3-9 feet, 0-for-1 from 10-15 feet and 1-for-2 from 16-23 feet. Four of his shots were blocked. Felt like twice that many.

And Booz got booed by the home crowd. Noah wants them to stop.

Said Noah: "Sometimes our home crowd is a tough game to play. We've got a lot of love for our crowd, but through tough times, we got to stick together. I've been in that position before, my rookie year, where I've been booed. It's tough to be booed in your home crowd. With Carlos, people have to understand he's playing through an injury, and he's giving us what he's got. He's somebody who has an unbelievable presence, and he opens up a lot of things for a lot of us. I think sometimes people are quick to bash one player. But this is a team, and we know we need Carlos to get to where we want to go."

Added Ronnie Brewer: "If you know how turf toe is, if you have any injury [like that], anything he can go out and give us is a plus. I think he did a phenomenal job on both ends of the floor."

Further added Chicago coach Tom Thibodeau: "Carlos is giving us everything he has. The rebounding is huge. His offense will come around."

The Bulls better hope so.

Said Boozer: "Obviously I want to make the shots that I missed, or the ones that got blocked. But for the most part, I'm just going to keep playing."

That's all he can do, really.

I just hope he doesn't keep playing the way he has been.

Chris' Playoff Lacktion Report:

Jason Collins fouled once in 3:16 for a +1 and a 1:0 Madsen-level Voskuhl...

...while fellow dirty birds Josh Powell, Hilton Armstrong, and Pape Sy went 55 seconds as MARIO TRIPLETS! (Armstrong checked a board in and avoided true lacktivity).

In 15 fewer seconds, steakhouse master Omer Asik matched Collins's not-so-big-man numbers to a tee.

Labels: 2011 NBA Playoffs, Atlanta Hawks, Los Angeles Lakers, Worst of the Night

NBA action: It's FAN-tastic.
The Chicago Bulls: A few Bulls fans got pissy with me for something I wrote in a recent ESPN 5-on-5.

The question:

"On a scale from 0 to 100, what are the Hawks' chances?"

My partial answer:

"My gut says 50 because the Hawks are such a 50-50 team: with so much potential but so enigmatic."

On my By The Horns blog, one commenter said: "There is no way you should write for the Bulls if you say the hawks have a 50 percent chance of winning this series wtf."

Look, I wasn't trying to rag on the Bulls or anything, but the Hawks are one of those trick-or-treat teams. Some nights, they look like the champions in warmups. Other nights, they look like the Clippers. That's how it is with streaky jump shooting teams. If they get hot, they can beat anybody...

...and they were hot last night.

The 120 Million Dollar Man left third degree burns all over anybody who dared guard him. Joe Cool finished with 34 points on 12-for-18 shooting, going 5-for-5 from downtown and 5-for-5 from the free throw line. Former Bull Jamal Crawford added 22 points on 8-for-16 from the field, 2-for-4 from beyond he arc and 4-for-4 from the foul line.

As a team, the Hawks went 14-for-21 at the rim (66 percent). They went 7-for-13 from three-point range (54 percent) and converted 26 of their 57 jumpers overall (46 percent). Atlanta finished with an Effective Field Goal Percentage of 55.8 percent and an Offensive Efficiency of 115.7.

That's funny. I'd heard rumors that the Bulls are the league's best defensive team.

Outside of the defense, Chicago's most significant advantage over Atlanta -- offensive rebounding -- was negated as the teams finished almost dead even in Offensive Rebound Percentage and second-chance points: Bulls 25.6 percent and 12, Hawks 25.0 percent and 11.

And, despite the presence of Derrick Rose, Atlanta finished with a higher Free Throw Rate (25.6) than Chicago (19.3).

Or maybe I should say because of Rose. If your stomach is at all queasy, I suggest not reviewing the Great Poohdini's shooting stats: 11-for-27 from the field, 2-for-7 from downtown, 0-for-0 from the free throw line.

He began the game 0-for-7. Clink. Clank. Clunk.

Rose -- who, according to a source, will be named MVP today -- had an otherwise strong game (24 points, 10 assists, 5 rebounds, 2 steals and a blocked shot). But his ankle is gimpier than the guy locked up in Zed's basement. Derrick couldn't explode into defenders to draw the contact necessary to earn a whistle. And, to make matters worse, he further tweaked the ankle stepping on Crawford's foot with only six seconds left and the game already decided.

Way too many jumpers. Not nearly enough drives.

Said Rose: "I don't know why I didn't keep attacking the basket."

It could have been, and probably was, the ankle. Of course, Atlanta had a nice game plan, too. They -- as so many teams before them -- clogged the paint and dared the Bulls to make outside shots. Chicago was decent from beyond the arc (8-for-18) but went a miserable 4-for-18 (22.3 percent) from 16-23 feet. Almost as bad was the fact that the Bulls missed 15 of their 30 attempts at the rim. Rose missed five of his nine bunnies.

Chicago's most critical failure was in intensity, especially on defense. During the regular season, this team challenged every single shot. Last night, the Hawks got pretty much any shot they wanted. During the regular season, Chicago's defense got stronger as the game went along. Last night, Atlanta scored 31 points in the fourth quarter.

Said Bulls coach and NBA Coach of the Year Tom Thibodeau: "The intensity wasn't right. The start of the game was poor in terms of ball direction, in terms of challenging shots, in terms of showing help. There wasn't one aspect of the defense that was good. They're too good of a team to play like that."

It was a stunning performance. Or non-performance, depending on your outlook. In the opening round, the Bulls were clearly caught off guard by the intensity and tenacity displayed by the Pacers. Through the first four games anyway. By Game 5, though, the team was finally ready for it. The players had taken it...now they were ready to dish it out. Which, I thought at the time, seemed like a pretty good sign for round two.

Apparently, I was way off in that assessment. In the first quarter, the Bulls played far too relaxed, like they were waiting for the game to come to them. Meanwhile, the Hawks were trying to take the game by the throat. They began the game with a 9-0 run and led 28-18 after 12 minutes.

In the fourth quarter, when Atlanta built a solid (but not insurmountable) lead, players started hanging their heads and looking beaten.

Okay, maybe it was more frustration than defeat, but it sure wasn't the "never say die" team that won 62 games during the regular season. And the fact that Rose couldn't dominate the action late in the game seemed to take the wind out of his teammates sails.

Said Joakim Noah: "It's tough when your best player is limping off the court with an injury that you know he's had before. It's tough, but right now, we have a game on Wednesday in less than 48 hours."

That's right, Jo, you guys do have a game in less than 48 hours. And you need to get your stuff together. Of course, I have to keep reminding myself that this is a young team that hasn't been tested in the playoffs yet. No amount of film study or preparation in practice can substitute for experience. The Hawks aren't as good as the Bulls...but they've been through this together.

The Bulls haven't.

And if they don't get their shit together, their playoff experience is gonna end really soon.

Update! The dickery of the Atlanta Hawks: Basketbawful reader The Other Chris:

I think this post needs a mention of Atlanta leaving tickets for Jameer Nelson, in an absolutely classic "FU" move.

I felt like crap last night and went to bed just after the start of the 3rd quarter between Chicago and Atlanta, assuming that with a 56-51 lead and all the momentum, Chicago would put the hammer down and cruise to an easy victory.

Whoops.

And the Lakers lost.

And Canada elected a Stephen Harper majority government.

A lot of crazy shit happens while you're sleeping, sometimes.

The Los Angeles Lakers: Man, the way the first half ended was so Dallas Mavericks-y that I was absolutely certain the Mavs' annual playoff meltdown was underway.

With 2:31 left in the second quarter, Jason Terry drilled a 21-footer to give Dallas a 42-39 lead. The Lakers proceeded to go on a 14-2 run that was capped off in true Mavericks fashion. First, Jason Terry fouled Lamar Odom on a half-court heave with less than a second to go.

Yes, it was a pretty bogus call, all things considered. But you know what? Let Odom chuck it from 50+ feet. Challenge but don't get in his grill. Terry got to close and the call was made. The officials reviewed the play to make sure the foul happened before time expired...and the look on Terry's face during that review was priceless. I wish I had a screen capture of it.

So Odom got three foul shots and he hit 'em all. That should have been the end of it. But, of course, it wasn't. As Dirk Nowitzki tried to block out Ron Artest, Mr. Citizenship drove his ass into Dirk's lower body, forcing him under the basket. That's a foul, by the way, because you're not allowed to push someone with inside position out of the way. No foul was called, however, and Nowitzki retaliated by swinging an elbow into Artest's back.

Tweet!

Technical foul. Kobe calmly knocked down the freebie and the half ended Lakers 53, Mavericks 44.

I genuinely thought that was the game. Forget the fact that there were 24 minutes left. This was going t be yet another example of Dallas players losing their cool and blowing a winnable game.

Only they didn't blow the game. They stole it.

After falling behind by as many as 16 points in the third quarter, the Mavs came back to life. By the end of the quarter, L.A.'s lead was down to seven. And then Dallas really turned it on in the fourth, shooting 10-for-19 from the field and outscoring the Lakers 25-16.

Oh, and Herr Dirk took a huge, steaming dump all over the "anti-clutch" tag that people (myself included) have stuck on him over the years. Nowitzki scored 11 points in the final 12 minutes and hit the go-ahead free throws with 19.5 seconds left. You wanna know how Dirk earned those free throws? Pau Gasol badly overplayed him on an inbounds pass and fouled him in a very obvious way.


Nowitzki's thespian skills helped. But still.

Gasol wasn't done effing up. On the ensuing possession, with his team down by a single point, Pau was trying to hand a pass off to Kobe Bryant when Bryant tripped over his own feet and bumped the ball on his way to the hardwood. For a second, it looked like Gasol would retain possession, but the ball squirted loose, Jason Kidd came up with it, and Gasol was forced to foul.


Kidd went only 1-for-2 at the line, giving the Lakers a chance to tie or win with a three. Kobe got wide open for a three, thank to wonderful moving pick by Andrew Bynum, but he missed.

And the Mavericks won.

Said Dallas coach Rick Carlisle: "You've got to mke plays, and you've got to dodge some bullets. We did both."

Added L.A. coach Phil Jackson: "We felt like we gave the game away. I'm not so sure Dallas didn't outplay us, but the players felt like we gave it away. ... The game was won in the third quarter when we got the lead and stopped playing defense and stopped playing offense. It took a lot of energy out of us and gave a lot of energy to them."

Countered Shawn Marion: "We did well, but I think we can do better. Is there anybody that knows we play good D?"

I guess we all know now. The Lakers shot only 42 percent and went 5-for-19 from downtown. And they scored only 16 points in the decisive fourth quarter. At home.

Of course, their offensive woes might have been because of their game plan as much as it was because of the Dallas D. According to ESPN Stats and Information:

In the first half of Game 1, the Lakers attempted 25 of their 42 field goals within 10 feet of the basket. In the second half, the Lakers stopped going inside as often, attempting 15 of their 42 field goals within 10 feet. The Lakers shot 50.0 percent within 10 feet on the game.

Andrew Bynum shot 70.4 percent (19-of-27) against the Mavericks in the regular season, but the Lakers shied away from him in Game 1. Bynum was on the floor for 59 of the Lakers' 101 possessions (58.4 pct) and had a touch on just 18 of those possessions (30.5 pct). Bynum was utilized much less frequently than his big counterpart Pau Gasol, who played 74.3 percent of the Lakers possessions and got a touch on 52.0 percent of them.

This is where I point out (once again it seems) that Kobe attempted 29 shots while the rest of the L.A. starters combined for 32. I also need to remind everybody that the Lakers didn't turn their series with the Hornets around until they started utilizing their biggest advantages. Namely, size and inside scoring.

For your reading pleasure, here's L.A.'s crunch time (final five minutes) offensive possessions.

Kobe missed three-pointer; Ron Artest offensive rebound and missed tip shot; Kobe missed jumper (blocked by Tyson Chandler); Kobe made 17-footer; Kobe missed 19-footer; Derek Fisher missed three-pointer; Lamar Odom offensive rebound; Gasol missed jumper (blocked by Chandler); Kobe made 11-footer; Kobe turnover; Gasol turnover; Kobe missed three-pointer.

29 shot attempts. 3 turnovers. 0 assists. 2-for-6 with a TO in the final five minutes. I'll let you draw your own conclusions.

Chris' Playoff Lacktion Report:

Hawks-Bulls: Kurt Thomas fouled once for a +1 in 1:58 and a 1:0 Madsen-level Voskuhl.

Mavs-Lakers: Brendan Haywood hung 100% on the field goals from one attempt) in 13:11, only to foul four times for a 4:2 Voskuhl.

Labels: 2011 NBA Playoffs, Chicago Bulls, Los Angeles Lakers, Worst of the Night

This picture sums things up quite nicely...don't you think?
The Los Angeles Lakers: Mind Status: Blown.

I mean, it was a little over a month ago that the Cadavers lost 112-57 in L.A. That was the worst loss in franchise history. And it was exactly three games ago that Cleveland set the NBA record (and tied the all-time record for the four major professional sports) for most consecutive losses. According to Basketball-Reference, the Cadavers rank 30th in Expected W-L, 30th in SRS, 30th in Defensive Rating and 29th in Offensive Rating. They are, without any doubt, the worst team in the league. They may be one of the worst teams ever.

But they beat the Lakers. A team that clobbered them by 55 only 36 days ago.

And now William Shatner provides his artistic interpretation of what the Lakers must be feeling right now:


As J.A. Adande pointed out in ESPN's Daily Dime, the Lakers now have as many losses against the bottom three teams in the league as they have victories against the top five teams in the league. But even that doesn't really cover the scope of this defeat.

The Cadavers had lost 37 of their last 39 games. It had been 40 games since they had won a game in regulation. yet Cleveland scored 17 points on the fast break, 23 points off 19 forced (and unforced) turnovers and 50 points in the paint. They finished with an Offensive Rating of 111.0...about 10 points per 100 possessions better than their season average.

Cue this stunning quote from Andrew Bynum: "We knew they were going to come out and beat us, and we just didn't play any D."

We knew they were going to come out and beat us.

Maybe that attitude explains Bynum's statistical stink bomb: 2-for-12 shooting and almost as many fouls (5) as rebounds (6) in 22 minutes.

Kobe (8-for-24, 1-for-6 from downtown, 7 turnovers) played like poop, too. I think maybe we should upgrade his "flu-like symptoms" to "mortal wound-like symptoms." Ron Artest was such a no-show (2 assists, 1 point, zero rebounds in 18 minutes) that channeled his inner Bill Walton and Tweeted this:


Even the Lakers who played well sucked. Derek Fisher scored 19 points on 8-for-12 shooting but got lit the hell up by Ramon Sessions, who came off the bench to score a season-high 32 points (9-for-16 from the field, 13-for-14 at the line) and dish 8 assists. Pau Gasol had an Animal-Style double-double (30 points and 20 boards), grabbing 10 offensive rebounds and going 14-for-14 from the line. But he made countless defensive mistakes and even got posterized by Christian Eyenga (who had just blown by Mamba by the way):


And then there was this:


Said Gasol: "It's a painful, painful loss. It's very disappointing. I don't understand it."

None of us do, Pau. None of us do. But there are theories.

Said Phil Jackson: "I think they took the [All-Star] break before the game started."

Added Lamar Odom: "We take teams lightly at times. We play the cat-and-mouse game. Sometimes the cat loses."


Some credit should go to Dan B. for his sweet stat curse in yesterday's BAD post: "The Lakers just got their asses handed to them by the Bobcraps. Stepping back in time just a few weeks, the Lakers handed the Cadavers one of the most brutal losses the league has ever seen. Footage of that game is the closest thing to a snuff film most people will ever see. So yeah, I'm not too worried about the Lakers' chances tonight."

Frankly, after exulting in this game, the rest of these entries are gonna be a letdown. But I will bravely soldier on.

The Toronto Craptors: Welcome back, Chris! But not really.


So get this: The cHeat apparently put this game in the "Win one for the Gipper" category. Before the game, somebody apparently wrote "Band of Brothers" on the scouting board. LeBron said: "We wanted to be there for [Bosh] as a brother and a teammate." And afterwards, Miami coach Erik Spoelstra added: "We're all happy for Chris. It was not our best game but guys definitely wanted to band together and win it for him."

Reality check: Chris Bosh left Toronto. Not the other way around. This whole "rally around him" thing is the equivalent of Emperor Palpatine sending Darth Vader a sympathy card for cutting off Luke's hand.

Anyway, credit the Craptosaurs for playing the cHeat reasonably tough, even if "tough is a word you don't typically (or ever) use for a team featuring Andrea "Soft as a Pillowtop Mattress" Bargnani (38 points on 15-for-26 shooting). But although they didn't get blown out...they still lost for the 17th time in their last 19 games and are now only five wins better than the Cadavers.

Chris Bosh: After his current team rubbed his former team's nose in its own feces, the RuPaul of Big Men blew kisses to the crowd as he headed to the locker room. What the hell was up with that?

When asked if he was being sarcastic (read that: an asshole), Bosh said: "What does sarcasm mean? It was sarcastic to all the naysayers, it is real to all the supporters. People are going to take it the way they want to."

The Washington Wizards Generals: Having finally secured their first road win of the season, the Generals apparently decided that blowing gruesome chunks was once again the accepted response to playing outside of their nation's capital.

Washington shot 34.9 percent, went 3-for-13 from beyond the arc, bricked eight freebies, dished out only 8 assists, trailed by as many as 29 points and finished with only 76 points in a 25-point blowout loss.

All because Nick Young was out with a sore knee.

Said Generals coach Flip Saunders: "We were outmanned. Not having Nick hurt a lot. I thought we played really hard the first half, but couldn't make a shot. It was one of those things, the harder we tried the harder we fell. It was like being in quicksand."

Countered Andray Blatche: "We reverted back to our old selves. [The] 'I'm going to be the guy who's going to get us over the hump' instead of 'we.'"

Personally, I think 'Dray is closer to the mark than Flip.

Update! J.J. Redick: Basketbawful reader Gökhan provided this most worthy link:


The New Jersey Nyets: If you only looked at New Jersey's field goal percentage (38.8) and the final score (94-80), you would assume this was yet another in the string of hapless beatings the Nyets have endured since Devin Harris said "We knew we were going to be a playoff team" back on December 9, 2008. They're 42-150 since then by the way.

However, this didn't turn into a blowout until the very end. In fact, the Nyets were ahead 78-77 until Ray Allen drilled a triple with 5:58 left in the fourth. That started a 16-0 run that turned a competitive game into a mercy killing.

Screamed New Jersey caoch Avery Johnson: "RAY ALLEN -- THE LAST PERSON WE WANT SHOOTING A THREE IN THE GYM -- HE MAKES A THREE ON US. WE JUST DIDN'T SCORE FROM THAT POINT. THEIR DEFENSE JUST CLAMPED DOWN ON US."

Speaking of The Little General, he called a timeout 29 seconds into the game after Paul Pierce hit a layup to cap a 2-0 game-opening run for the C's. A little reactionary, don't ya think, Avery?

Anyway, the Nyets are now 0-9 in their division and 17-40 on the season.

Paul Pierce, quote machine: Joking about his 0-for-10 game against the cHeat: "Something was wrong with the rim or the ball."

The Indiana Pacers: Allow me, if you will, to repost what Roy Hibbert said after Tuesday night's loss to the cHeat:

"The rest of the season, we're coming. We're not backing down. We're not having any lackadaisical games. We're on the prowl. We're hungry."

Now allow me to quote Danny Granger after Wednesday night's 115-109 overtime loss to the Pistons (21-36):

"Sometimes a team goes on vacation one game early for the All-Star break, and this is what happens. We didn't do anything on defense and we got beat."

I just have to point out that Basketbawful reader Crjoe called it in last weekend's comments section: "Cue the losing streak for the Pacers, Yahoo! has officially deemed them "surging"...after downing the T-Wolves none the less."

I'm telling you all: The "Surging Curse" is real. It's real.

John Kuester, coach of the year candidate: "As a coach, you shouldn't teach effort."

The Minnesota Timberwolves: The Clippers have been surging lately, too. The same why my bowels surge after a night of Jägerbombs and a 3 a.m. stop at Taco Bell. In complete and total seriousness, how awesome is a Cheesy Double Beef Burrito when you can't feel feeling anymore?

Still, bad as they've been lately, they're still better than the Tenderpoops, who converted only 35.4 percent of their field goals, missed 17 of their 24 three-point attempts and bricked 11 freebies. Did I mention they were playing at home? In related news, they're 0-5 at the Target Center this month.

Of course, Minny was without Michael Beasley for the fifth game in a row and had to sit Jonny Flynn due to his continuing recovery from hip surgery.

Said T-Wolves coach Kurt Rambis: "I hate to say it, but if there has ever been a team I have been around that needs the [All-Star] break, this is the team."

Countered Darko Milicic: "We can't make excuses, we're tired, we're hurt, whatever. We're missing everything."

Personally, I think Darko is closer to the mark than Kurt.

The Atlanta Hawks: I know their record is pretty good (34-21), but the Dirty Birds are just so...average. They rank 13th in Defensive Rating (105.8) and 15th in Offensive Rating (107.2). According to Basketball-Reference, they're 16th in SRS (0.34). They're just this sort-of-okay, middle-of-the-pack team that's probably just kind of killing time until it's probable (inevitable?) first round playoff exit.

Case in point: Last night's listless blowout in New York.

Said Atlanta coach Larry Drew: "We just totally went away from our game plan. We have a recipe when we play on the road and I thought early the warning signs were there early in the first quarter. Especially defensively. I wasn't as concerned offensively. My main concern was defensively. We had multiple defensive breakdowns and then at the offensive end we just started settling. Being on the road you have to get the shots you want."

Whatever. The Hawks are "Dead Team Walking." Meanwhile, according to the AP recap, the Knicks "at 28-26 matched their average victory total for the last five full seasons. They didn't even earn their 28th victory last season until April 6 and haven't been above .500 this late in a season since they finished 48-34 in 2000-01."

Who needs Carmelo Anthony, right? Am I right?

The Sacramento Kings: The Return of Rodrigue Beaubois (13 points, 6 assists, 3 steals in 21 minutes) was too much for the Paupers of Purpledom. Dallas -- behind Roddy B and J-Kidd -- punched out a 24-4 second half run and led by as many as 26 points before settling for a 116-100 win.

Make it seven losses in the last nine games for the 13-win Kings...now only three victories better than the Cadavers.

The Milwaukee Bucks: Stop me if you've heard this before: The Bucks shot under 40 percent and were held below 87 points in a...

...oh so you've heard this before? Over and over you say? As in all season?

As Charles Barkley would say, these guys couldn't score in an empty gym. What a waste of a one-night thawing out of John Salmons (33 points on 13-for-23 shooting). Many thanks -- in the form of a basket full of rotting fruit -- go to Andy Bogut (1-for-7 from the floor, 1-for-4 from the line) and Brandon Jennings (1-for-11 from the field, 0-for-6 from beyond the arc).

By the way, Jennings (37.5 FGP this season and 37.2 FPG for his career) has officially entered The Larry Hughes Zone. Please stop taking so many bad shots, Brandon!

Worst shooting team. Lowest scoring team. Losers of eight out of 10 games and 13 games on the south side of .500.

Said John Salmons: "'Melo put on a great performance tonight, but we were still able to be close at the end,. We just have to be able to make a couple of plays to get over the hump. It is frustrating, but we just have to keep playing through it."

Added Bad Porn: "We're just going to take this [All-Star] break and come in with a different attitude."

Corey "King of Attitude Change" Maggette has spoken! I'm sure everything will be just fine now, Bucks fans.

The Utah Jazz: No Andrei Kirilenko (sprained ankle), Raja Bell (strained calf) or Ronnie Price (sprained toe). A non-existent _efensive performance against the Gol_en State Warriors (54.5 percent shooting and an O-Rating of 114.7). A 107-100 loss, at home, which was the team's 13th defeat in 17 tries.

Jerry Sloan was too old and tired for this shit. No wonder he resigned.

Nothing is going right for the Jazz these days. Hell, even EnergySolutions Arena is quitting on them. Last night, during the second quarter, a power outage knocked out half of the overhead lights. There was a two-minute delay before the officials said "fuck it" and restarted the game despite the fact that, according to the AP recap, the arena "looked more like a dimly lit high school venue."

Said Deron Williams: "The [All-Star] break came at the right time." Speaking of D-Will...

Deron Williams: The self-proclaimed "best point guard in the league" was 5-for-13 from the field and 1-for-5 on threes. In the three games he's been free of Jerry Sloan's Offensive of Oppression, Williams is 15-for-43 from the field and 5-for-15 from outside the big arc. He's also committed 13 turnovers in that stretch.

The New Orleans Hornets: Check it out: The Portland Frail Blazers won their season-high sixth game in a row and surged -- that's right, they surged, people -- a season-best eight games over .500 despite the continuing absence of three-time All-Star Brandon Roy.

Despite...or maybe because of?

Look, I don't mean to bust too hard on Roy, especially in light of the news that he may have only 1-2 years left in his career even if he basically doesn't practice, is reduced to an off-the-bench player, gets limited to 65-75 games per season, and is forced to rest thoughout the year.

But, I mean, come on. This is a guy who earlier this season proclaimed "I want the ball a lot more" despite a pretty obvious decline in physical skills and then basically blamed teammate Andre Miller for said decline.

But inspect the numbers: 10-13 with Roy and 22-11 without him. And, quite frankly, Portland's offense is better, much better, when the first, second and third options are not "isolate Roy while everybody else stands around and watches."

And with the way he's been playing, it's becoming clearer by the day that the Blazers' O should revolve around LaMarcus Aldridge.

Anyway, the Hornets continued their own decent into hell with their third straight loss. New Orleans has now dropped nine of 11 games following a 10-game winning streak that may have been, you guessed it, fools' gold.

Said Chris Paul: "It's really tough. The only good thing is we've got a lot of basketball left to play. It will be good for us to get a chance to regroup and see what we can do."

Speaking of CP3, he must have drank from the same Elixir of Suck that D-Will has been sipping from. In February, Paul has gone 40-for-94 (42.6 percent) from the field and 7-for-21 (33.3 percent) from downtown. Over his last five games, he's shooting 17-for-54 (31 percent) overall and 2-for-9 (22 percent) from long range.

Update! Funtastic Extra: Basketbawful reader allison provided this list of highest scoring games without a free throw. I'm not even remotely surprised to see guys like Wally Szczerbiak, Chuck Person and Vince Carter on this list. I am, however, more than a little shocked that Hakeem Olajuwon once scored 48 points without even attempting a freebie. Fittingly, he did it against the _enver Nuggets.

Chris's Awesome Lacktion Ledger:

Generals-Magic: Hilton Armstrong checked into the ledger with a board countered by two fouls in 8:02 and a turnover for a 3:1 Voskuhl.

Nyets-Celtics: Johan Petro provided his usual Voskuhl by pureeing a pair of points in 10:47 (and a board) with three fouls and two giveaways for a 5:3.

Fellow Jersey Shore lounger Ben Uzoh ultimately undermined contributory basketball by bricking twice in 86 seconds, taking a rejection, and fouling once for a +4.

Clippers-Wolves: Brian Cook warmed up a foul and two charity stripe misses in 1:18 for a +3.

Purple Paupers-Mavs: Luther Head tossed spiky shells for 37 seconds to earn a non-celebratory Mario. Meanwhile, the Mavs' Ian Mahinmi made a board meaningless in 7:23 after losing the rock once and fouling out for a 7:1 Voskuhl!

Nuggets-Bucks: Jon Brockman fouled once for a +1 in 3:13.

Warriors-Jazz: Ekpe Udoh undid a rebound in 15:42 with four fouls and two turnovers for a 6:1 Voskuhl, while fellow Bay Area resident Vladimir Radmanovic bricked thricely in 7:27 and also fouled that amount for a celebratory +6!

For Utah, Kyrylo Fesenko found himself back in the ledger by augmenting an assist with a foul and turnover in 6:09 for a 2:0 Voskuhl. And Francisco Elson finagled a shot attempt for a +1 in 2:38.

Labels: Los Angeles Lakers, Worst of the Night

"Damn Maggette, your breath is funky! Ever heard of Listerine?"
Attention Bawfulites! This Joe Posnanski blog post about the Cleveland Cavaliers Cadavers is required reading: Losing As Destiny.

The Mavs are at it again. This time, we are treated to Tyson Chandler Punch-Out:


Body blow! Body blow!

Worst of the Night in Pictures:

Only one thing comes to mind: that one sound from The Price is Right

Pacers fans are a never-ending source of entertainment

Speaking of the Pacers, here's their new head coach, Frank Vogel. I can see we're gonna have fun with this guy

LeBron, now with karate chop action!

Back off, Sean Combs Puffy Daddy P. Diddy. You haven't been relevant in a decade

Elbow stinger to the crotch = best way to freeze your defender, apparently

"Oh, sorry. You weren't drinking that, were you?"

All The Games:
Wizards Generals at Hornets, 8pm: Twenty four road game losses to start the season. The Generals have now secured at least the third worst start away from home. In hindsight, perhaps having Red Klotz take over the team was a bad idea.

Spurs at Frail Blazers, 10pm: Speaking of playing on the road, it's time for the Spurs' annual Rodeo Trip. Nine consecutive road games while the rodeo takes over the AT&T Center. They tend to use their rodeo trip to work on problems and get set for the stretch run to the playoffs. So what a better way to start than a slowdown, defensive grindout against the Blazers? I don't really have a joke here -- I am just interested to see how the Spurs respond to this particular game.

Celtics at Kings, 10pm: Intriguing matchup. Both of these teams have taken down the mighty Lakers recently! (Of course I'm being facetious and fully expect the Purple Paupers to revert back to the mean and resume their usual sucky ways)

Rockets at Lakers, 10:30pm: STOP THE PRESSES! According to ESPN, "Sore knee keeps Andrew Bynum out of Lakers' practice." Of course it does. Whomever had "before February" in their "Bynum Jacks up His Knees" pool, please collect your winnings.

Also, there's talk that Mitch Kupchak may not be opposed to making some moves to strengthen the Lakers roster.

Head coach Phil Jackson was asked what changes his team would make.

"Suicide," Jackson deadpanned. "We'll commit suicide ... mass suicide."

Lakers forward Lamar Odom assured reporters that nobody was jumping off a ledge.
"No, no, no," Odom said. "There's no coming back from that, that's it. I'm not committing suicide."

So, that's good news I guess? The Lakers aren't going to commit suicide. You can rest easy now, Wild Yams.

Labels: Bawful After Dark, Los Angeles Lakers, Washington Wizards

"We got Carlos Boozer back. Yay."
WizardsGenerals-Raptors: Let's go to our live correspondent (via the BAD comments):

Hey loyal Basketbawul readers! Toronto resident and faithful Craptors fan The Other Chris here with an eyewitness account of tonight's exciting lacktion - Craptors vs. Generals!

Now, the last time these two teams played on November 17th, the Raptors had just come off of a Florida back-to-back where - despite their 1-7 record - they beat Orlando at home and gave Miami a good run. They then travelled to Washington, to play one of the worst teams in the NBA, on three days rest.. and got their asses handed to them like a turkey on Thanksgiving. I personally stopped watching said game in abject disgust. The Internet tells me that the corpse of Gilbert Arenas scored 20 points, with Bawful All-Star Andray Blatche dropping 22 and Nick Young chipping in 20. This is without #1 overall pick John Wall, by the way.

So the stage was set for a classic revenge game. Or more bipolar girlfriend play from the Raptors. Which team would show up - the one that beats Orlando and Boston, or the one that gets bitchslapped at home by Atlanta and Charlotte?

Well, the Raps and Wiz must have a prop bet about who can suck more on the road, because Washington started badly and went downhill. Then rolled off a cliff, smashed into the bottom, caught on fire, and exploded. After allowing the Raptors to score 72 points in the FIRST HALF, Washington "responded" by coming out after halftime and immediately turning the ball over three times for three layups. 28 point lead, game over.

Someone forgot to tell Washington that the game had started and it was time to do things like defend the rim, or defend at all, because the Raptors were running a layup drill all night. Let's see - 58% from the field, 55% from three. And that doesn't begin to reflect the beating the Dinos laid on the hapless Generals. Seven Dinos reached double figures; basically everyone who can throw it in the ocean was free to do so at will. Only the offensively limited trio of Amir Johnson, Joey Dorsey and Julian Wright (5 minutes) really failed to score.

Surprisingly for a team which that features Andray Blatche and JaVale McGee at the power positions, the Wizards also managed to rack up a -22 rebound differential. You know, in the same way it was surpising that Ricky Martin is gay. And this without Reggie Evans playing, a player who has no discernible NBA skills other than "getting every fucking rebound". Andrea "Allergic to Rebounding" Bargnani had 8 boards fer Chrissakes.

Lastly, but certainly not leastly, this game featured extended minutes for the likes of Alonzo Gee (starting - way to "blossom", Al Thornton), Cartier Martin, Kevin Seraphin, and Trever Booker. Protip: If when the announcer calls the names of your players checking in, and someone as NBA-obsessed as myself doesn't know who they are, your team is in a whole heap of trouble. Had I been drinking, I might have assumed that I had some sort of aneurysm and ended up at a D-League game in Idado by accident. The talent and energy the Wiz showed tonight - giving up 100 points by the end of the 3rd quarter - was certainly reflective of that.

Basketbawful correspondent The Other Chris signing off. Next up: Craptors and Nyets, Friday, Decemer 17th!

PPS. There is one play in particular which summarized the goings-on of last night. The ball was swung to Sonny Weems on the left baseline, in the first quarter. There was no one within a country mile of him. He began to aggressively drive towards the basket, but hesitated for a split second - you could see him thinking, "Surely someone is going to rotate over and challenge me?". Well, the closest defender to the unfolding baseline dunk was Future NBA 1rst team _efence Null Star Andray Blatche. He took about 1/10th of a halfhearted step towards the baseline, then gave up and went into his famed statue defence. Sonny drove from the 3 point line to the basket, soared in for a dunk, and there was still no one with 5 feet of him.

Forgot about hand in the face. How about some part of the body in some general vicinity of someone.

Also the list of groups attending the game included as the last one: Vandelay Industries. I don't know if you've heard, but they're in latex.

The Chicago Bulls: I'll go ahead and refer you to my recap at By The Horns for all the grisly details of this massacre, but here are the lowlights:

Despite all the good vibes from Chicago's first winning circus road trip since the Michael Jordan era and the return of Carlso Boozer, the Magic straight up owned the Bulls. They got whatever they wanted. They scored at will and finished with an Offensive Rating of 126. As in 126 points per 100 possessions. They totally dominated that shaded rectangle known as the paint, outrebounding the Bulls 44-21 and outscoring them 27-10 in second-chance points and 46-26 in the paint. The 26 points in the paint were a season low for the Bullies. Their 78 total points were also a season-low. And the 21 rebounds were a franchise low.

Chicago's worst rebounding game ever? Yep.

The previous low was 25 boards in a 102-80 loss to the Miami Heat on February 18, 2002. That particular Heat team won only 36 games. That Bulls team -- which featued a starting lineup of Fred Hoiberg, Kevin Ollie, Trenton Hassell and "Baby Bull" rookies Tyson Chandler and Eddie Curry -- won only 21.

But the 2010-11 Bulls surpassed them in rebounding ineptitude. Speaking of which...

Joakim Noah, Worst Player of the Night: Back on Thanksgiving night, Charles Barkley predicted the Bulls would win the Eastern Conference and reach the NBA Finals. Not in the future, mind you. Chuck said the Bulls would do it this season.

This prompted a strong response from Joakim Noah:

"Poison. We're not in the Finals yet. I love Chuck. I think he's great for the game. I love his honesty. He always tells you how he feels. But it's poison. ... I want to be in the Finals. But just because Chuck says it doesn't mean that we're there, ya know? We got a long way to go. We got a big game against Orlando. ... I love Chuck, but at the end of the day, it's one thing to talk about it, and it's one thing to actually live it."

Remind me to add "prophet" to his next scouting report.

Noah -- one of the NBA's premier rebounders over the past two seasons -- began the night as the NBA's second-leading board hauler-inner at 13.2 per game. And he finished last night's ass-kicking with...

...zero rebounds.


Do you know when the last time Noah went an entire game without grabbing a rebound? It was December 27, 2008, in a 129-117 loss to the Atlanta Hawks. In that game, Noah logged five minutes and 35 seconds and finished with a five trillion. But there's a world of difference between the Joakim of then and the Joakim of now. Before last night, Noah had never gone rebound-less in games in which he'd played at least eight minutes. What happened?

I guess he was poisoned.

Said Noah: "It's frustrating. That's my job, to rebound the basketball, and I wasn't able to do that tonight."

No kidding.

Carlos Boozer: I know it was his first game back and all, and I realize that he's rather, ahem, slow afoot. But Rashard Lewis -- a guy I didn't even realize was physically capable of crossing over the three-point stripe -- walked right around him for an easy layup in the first quarter. That might have been Rashard's first layup since his Seattle days. Oy.

Update! Stan Van Gundy, quote machine: From Shrugz via ESPN's DailY Dime: "How'd the Heat do tonight? Was their chemistry good, did they all get along? Tomorrow, the only the thing that's going to be on ESPN is LeBron going back to Cleveland, right? Because ESPN only covers two stories -- Brett Favre and the Miami Heat. And then we have about five minutes for the rest of the sports world."

The Boston Celtics: Yes, the Celtics won their fifth game in a row to run their record to 14-4. And yes, the Frail Blazers lost their fifth game in a row and fell two games below .500. But Boston still earned a little stink eye for wasting a 57 percent shooting night not to mention a 96-80 lead by letting Portland go on a late 15-0 run to make it a one-point game with 42 seconds left.

It took a clutch three-pointer by Ray Allen -- who shot 3-for-12 and had been 0-for-5 on threes to that point -- to pull the C's fat out of the fire.

Mind you, this was a home game for the Celtics. But hey, giving up double-digit leads has been a trademark of this team for the past two seasons. So I guess everything went according to plan.

The Portland Frail Blazers: Yeah, well, there's that whole "two games below .500" thing to take into consideration.

Jermaine O'Neal: From the AP game notes: "Injured Celtics C-F Jermaine O'Neal told Rivers he hoped to begin working out again next week after being out with a sore left knee. O'Neal has played in just seven games this season."

The New Jersey Nyets: If a team was going to lose a triple-overtime game at home to the Oklahoma City Thunder on a night when Kevin Durant sat out with an injury...does it surprise you whatsoever that it was the Nyets?

Okay, maybe you'd expect it to be the Clippers, but still.

Believe it or not, the Nyets looked like destiny was on their side when Anthony Morrow sent the game to overtime on a running three-pointer at the end of regulation. But New Jersey couldn't hold onto a six-point lead in the first overtime and then, in the second overtime, they were leading by three with 4.6 seconds left when Stephen Graham fouled Jeff Green on a three-point attempt. Green sunk all three freebies, the game went to a third overtime...

...and, well, I'm sure you can guess what happened.

Actually, maybe you can't. Russell Westbrook -- who BLEW UP for 38 points, 15 rebounds, 9 assists and 3 steals and might be surpassing Kevin Durant as the best player on the Thunder -- scored all 13 of his team's points in the third OT.

That's not to overlook Jeff Green's career-high 37 points. But damn.

Said New Jersey coach Avery Johnson: "THIS IS A GAME OF WAVES AND CYCLES. THIS IS PROBABLY THE GAME OF THE YEAR IN THE NBA, IT'S JUST TOO BAD WE'RE ON THE LOSING END. I TOLD MY GUYS THAT I'M AWFULLY PROUD TO BE THEIR COACH."

In related news, the Nyets are now 6-13 on the year and 4-5 at home.

The Charlotte Bobcraps: Michael Jordan's team fell to 6-12 on the year -- and just 3-7 outside of Charlotte -- after being held to 11 fourth quarter points and scoring a mere 73 total points against the New Orleans Hornets.

Bobcraps coach Larry Brown -- who's probably already looking around and wondering which teams are going to have coaching vacancies this season -- said: "It's the same old, same old. We didn't match their intensity. They have a couple of finishers. West and Chris Paul took over. They defended great. They made every play and we didn't."

Stephen Jackson: The Bobcraps sure could have used Stephen Jackson during last night's fourth quarter meltdown. Too bad he was suspended.

The Los Angeles Lakers: Allow me to quote the opening line of the AP recap: "
The Los Angeles Lakers have lost four straight for the first time since April 2007." And now allow me to state a possibly significant fact: None of Phil Jackson's 11 championship teams have ever lost four games in a row.

I...I think I just got goosebumps!

The Lakers sure did look invincible during the first few weeks of the season, when they were playing mostly at home against sub-.500 teams. Now the defending chumps have lost four in a row, with the last two losses coming on the road against sub-.500 teams. And as Pat Sullivan of The Dream Shake noted, "Falling Sky" has been added to the list of natural hazards currently plaguing Los Angeles.

So what happened last night? The Lakers' defense "held" the still Aaron Brook-less and Yao Ming-less Rockets to 109 points on 50+ percent shooting and "shut down" Shane Battier, holding him to a mere 11 points in the final three minutes. And who was "defending" Battier during that stretch?

Mr. Bean.

Yep. As Basketbawful reader Bing pointed out, L.A. got beaten by this guy. Let's watch Battier dominate Kobe and the Lakers...shall we? Of course we shall.


And Kobe was pissed. So pissed, in fact, that I couldn't even read the Bucks-Nuggets recap without seeing his unhappy face. Which, naturally, made me very happy.

Kobe's displeasure...it's everywhere.
Said Kobe: "How do you know how good we think we are? We're fine. Are we going to win a three-peat today? Probably not, but the [expletive] is not played today. We've got to do a better job," he said. "Houston shot 50 percent tonight ... that's unacceptable for our defense. We're slow. We're slow on rotations. It looks like we're kind of running in quicksand a little."

On the subject of the Black Mamba, Kobe's having an interesting season. He's the NBA's second leading scorer at 26.7 PPG. Yet he's having his second-worst year shooting the ball -- or his worst-ever year if you go by eFG% -- and he's somehow managing to lead the league in shot attempts (leading second-place Monta Ellis 400-351) and Usage Percentage (leading second-place Kevin Durant 35.9 to 32.2) despite playing the fewest minutes per game (33.5) since his rookie season.

L.A.'s recent woes when Kobe takes 20+ shots have been well-publicized. Last night, he went 10-for-24. In fact, Basketbawful reader draftaraujo offered up this:

New formula if
X = Kobe Bryant,
Y = Shots taken

X+Y > 20 = Fail

Okay, almost done. Despite the presence of the game's "best closer," this graphic from ESPN Stats and Information illustrates how anti-clutch the Lakers have been this season:


Update! Ron Artest: From Dan B: "Unreal. From Deadspin: Ron Artest called into a Rockets post-game show pretending to be Luis Scola. Of course he did."

The San Antonio Spurs: When the Spurs opened the season with an NBA-best 15-2 record -- including 8-0 on the road -- did anybody think they'd lose to the Clippers? Anybody? Bueller?

No. Of course nobody thought this would happen. I mean, the Clippers had lost 18 straight games to the Spurs and owned the league's worst record at 3-15. And yet, against all reason, The Other L.A. Team has now beaten a team with the NBA's best record for the second time in 10 days thanks to last night's win against the Spurs and their recent victory over the New Orleans Hornets.

It...makes the kind of sense that doesn't.

Said Eric Gordon: "Yeah, we play well against teams that have a good record. We just have to compete like that all the time. Our offense was good, and we didn't have any letdowns during the game. We just have to be consistent."

It helps when the veteran team you're playing against is on the second night of back-to-backs and ends up shooting 35 percent.

Said Tim Duncan: "We played badly, bottom line. Nobody played well. I played awful. The ball wouldn't go in the hole. On top of that, Blake played great, Eric played great and they kept making shots down the stretch. ... Our defense gave us a chance, and we got to that threshold where a 3-ball or any made shot would have got us right in it, and we couldn't get the ball to go down."

Added Spurs coach Gregg Popovich: "You have to give the credit to their defense and to their energy, so I'm happy for them. It's the NBA, and anybody can beat anybody at any time."

I guess so.

Bonus bawful stat: San Antonio was outscored 56-34 in the paint despite the fact that Chris Kaveman missed his 11th straight game with a sprained ankle.

Bonus bawful quote: From the AP Recap: "When Duncan fell to the court holding his foot in the second quarter after drawing a foul on an apparently clean block by DeAndre Jordan, a fan near courtside screamed: 'We know bad acting, Tim Duncan. This is L.A.!'"

Duncan face!

Bonus bawful video and memo to the NBA: If you see Blake Griffin running toward you...GET OUT OF THE WAY.



I can't find video of Griffin posterizing Matt Bonner, but I can give you this quote from Basketbawful reader Andrei: "Not only did Matt Bonner get posterized by Griffin tonight, but his name is censored by twitter: '@jadande Wow, Matt ***** came this close to getting Mozgoved.'"

I'm pretty sure Basketbawful readers know what "Mosgoved" means, but just in case...

The Milwaukee Bucks: John Salmons broke out of his slump by scoring 21 points. Corey "Bad Porn" Maggette added 17. Freaking Larry Sanders had 14 points, 10 rebounds and a crazy 8 blocked shots. And Carmelo Anthony was ejected with 2:40 left in the third quarter for bitching at the refs about a no-call.

None of it mattered. The Bucks -- now 6-12 -- lost anyway.

Said Maggette: "They had their best player out with Melo getting thrown out of the game. We really should have capitalized on it but we didn't. We just didn't do the things we needed to do while they continued to execute."

For the game, the Bucks shoth 32-for-80 from the field and gave up 41 free throw attempts while bricking nine of their 32 freebies. Milwaukee actually led by as many as 11 points...then lost by double-digits after falling victim to a 'Melo-less onslaught.

The Detroit Pistons: The Heat found their easy button. It was the Pistons.

The Indiana Pacers: Indy began the day yesterday with a surprising 9-7 record and an even more surprising third-place ranking in Defensive Rating.

One game against the Jazz -- during which Utah scored 110 points and had 29 assists on 45 made baskets -- and the Pacers dropped to 7th in D-Rating. It didn't help that Indy scored only 88 points and gave up 26 points off 18 turnovers.

The Jazz are now 15-5 and a far cry from the discombobulated team that opened the season with a 110-88 loss to the Nuggets and then a 110-94 defeat by the Suns. Deron Williams had 26 points, 16 assists and zero turnovers. Al Jefferson (17 points, 10 boards, 2 blocked shots) has Utah fans saying "Carlos who?". And the Jazz look pretty darn tough.

Said Jerry Sloan: "We could have exploded early in the season. Guys could have gone south. But they stayed together."

As for the Pacers -- playing on the second night of back-to-backs and in their third road game in four nights -- they had no legs...as evidenced by Utah's dominance on the boards. The Jazz outrebounded Indy 46-32, including 19-7 on the offensive glass. During the first quarter -- when Utah outscored the Pacers 35-17 -- the Jazz had a 14-3 rebounding edge.

Al Jefferson, jump shooting quote machine: "I always had a jumper. I just never had to use it. I was always greedy. I like that paint. In this offense, you got to be able to hit that jumper."

Andre Kirilenko, broken english quote machine: "It's ups and downs in the NBA. You remember in preseason we won eight in row, then the beginning of the season we went down, then the road trip we went up then, home games we've been sloppy. Now we're up again. I hope we can stay up a little bit more."

Chris's Lacktion Report:

Grizzlies-Hawks: Zaza Pachulia didn't get wealthy in 11:59 after taking down three boards, but did get a 4:3 Voskuhl after three fouls and a turnover.

Thunder-Nyets: Royal Ivey struck a vein of gold coins and criminis in just 26 seconds for a Mario!

Generals-Raptors: Kevin Seraphin segued into the Association tonight with a 100% field goal percentage (on one shot) in exactly 13 minutes...only to counter that and a board with 4 fouls and a turnover for a 5:3 Voskuhl.

Frail Blazers-Celtics: Sean Marks made himself known for Portland tonight not by earning a board in 7:58, but by bricking thricely, losing the rock twice, and coming one foul away from leaving the game in a 7:1 Voskuhl!

For Boston, Von Wafer has continued to establish himself as the Association's premier lacktator after a 3 second Super Mario!

Pistons-Heat: Erick Dampier celebrated his presence in South Beach by reacting to a board in 8:11 with three fouls for a 3:1 Voskuhl.

Magic-Bulls: Jason Williams searched for Princess Peach in 18 seconds in a Mario, while for Chicago, Kurt Thomas bricked once in 1:49 for a +1 suck differential.

Wolves-Mavs: Lazar Hayward tossed two pieces of masonry (once from Pioneer Plaza) for a +2 in 3:43.

Bucks-Nuggets: Gary Forbes opened up an early Christmas present of the Lost Levels cartridge in 44 seconds for a Mario.

Pacers-Jazz: Francisco Elson treated Utah fans to a 2:1 Voskuhl in 7:51 after garnering two fouls against a board.

Labels: Los Angeles Lakers, San Antonio Spurs, Worst of the Night