Labels: Epic Fail, LOL Lakers, Los Angeles Lakers, Mike Brown, pumaman

So hey, the Purple Paupers won last night.  Neat.  But that's not what we're here to talk about.

You see, while the beleaguered team operated by a duo who couldn't tell the difference between a $1 bill and a $100 bill is now at TWO WHOLE WINS this year...two!...

There's a team a few hundred miles down Interstate 5 that is having a little bit harder of a go.


Oh, you mean the team that just got Pumaman and (an injured) Steve Nash in the offseason?  Wait a minute.



And no, that's not a typo.  The Lakeshow is in LAST PLACE, behind every single other team in the conference.

Will it last?  Probably not.  Is it Kobe's first ever experience with a 1-4 start?  Yeah, it is.  Is this amusing?  Endlessly.

Labels: Dwight Howard, Kobe Bryant, LOL, Los Angeles Lakers, Mike Brown, oops baby, pumaman

Well, of course, the lockout continues, and the most almost-intriguing thing that happened this summer is not Kobe maybe going to Turkey or Noah to France or Luol Deng to Britain. (Question: Luol Deng goes to Britain, and all of the sudden there's endless rioting in the streets - coincidence? I think not. I always knew that dude was up to no good.)

Yes, the most semi-interesting thing to happen this summer is Ron Artest changing his name to Metta World Peace. Leave it to Ron Ron to put a new spin on changing your name. He probably would have kept it simple, like changing his name to Ron Treinta y Siete, to reflect last year's jersey number (lucky for him Michael Jackson's Thriller didn't top the charts for 24-straight weeks. Woo-hah, that woulda been a tussle), or Ron Quince, to reflect his new-slash-old jersey number, but of course, Chad Johnson (now Chad Ochocinco) beat him to that idea. So Ron had to come up with something to make himself look like even more of a diva-slash-wacko than an NFL wide receiver.

Not an easy task.

But before I get all revved up about this supposed name change, I decided to determine if this new moniker goes beyond Ron just looking to fill his day with something other than XBox and weed by mumbling to a random reporter, "Hey, my name is Metta World Peace now."

So when I go to www.ronartest.com, I would assume I should be automatically redirected to www.mettaworldpeace.com, right? Nope. And mettaworldpeace.com? It's still out there, waiting to be purchased. Give Google your money and you can have it. Go on. I dare ya. It'll be the best money you ever flushed down the toilet. I can just see you trying to call Ron's "people" on the phone:

You: "Guess what? I own the rights to mettaworldpeace.com, my friend. You want it? It's yours for 10 grand."

(whichever of Ron's posse you've managed to reach on the phone): "Yeah, um, Ron is now going by the name Lemonjello Fruitalicious. He had some lemon Jello today that he thought was, in his words, 'fruitalicious,' so that's his name now. You got the rights to lemonjellofruitalicious.com?"

You: (in a defeated stammer): "No."

(whichever of Ron's posse you've managed to reach on the phone): "Well I'm online right now and I just bought it. So kiss off, loser. Oh, and remember to visit lemonjellofruitalicious.com for all your latest Ron Artest news, k?"

You: (whimper)

Click.

A word of advice to Ron: If you're going to do this, do it for real. Chad Ochocinco is, naturally, to be found at www.ochocinco.com, and of course, he's got his wallpaper updated to read "WIDE RECEIVER NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS." (I'm surprised it doesn't also say "No longer with those f***ing Bengals" in fine print below that). Now, THAT'S a dude managing his brand, taking charge of his identity shifts with the gusto of Madonna and the Artist Formerly known as Prince.

But with you, Ron, this Metta World Peace thing just seems flung together, bro. Where's my official Web site? Where's my T-shirt? Where's my breakfast cereal?



Alas, all we have is ronartest.com, and I'm tempted to say this isn't actually Ron Ron's official site, given his curious musings page, which calls attention to the war in Afghanistan, water conservation policy, and deep sea oil drilling. Does Ron Artest really think about these things? I mean, I suppose it's possible. He clearly has a conscience, given his selfless decision to sell his Laker ring for charity.

But for some reason (or many reasons), I have this notion that Ron Artest isn't putting us on, and is actually this peculiar in private. I imagine him wandering around like the Tracy Jordan character in 30 Rock, saying stuff like "What is this, Horseville? Because I’m surrounded by naysayers. Wordplay!" and "I love this cornbread so much, I wanna take it behind a middle school and get it pregnant."

But maybe I'm wrong. Maybe Ron is actually a socially-conscious preppy boy who's just playing a role and pretending to be a little slow, just like Jessica Simpson (she's just pretending to be that way, right?). But I hope he's not. I hope he's 100% this nutty through and through. Why? Because we all know that a world without a trippy, wild-eyed Ron Artest would be a boring one indeed. If I can't look forward to Ron Ron next deciding to change his name to Mike Brown just to screw with his new coach, then what else do I have to look forward to?

Best future post-game press conference line ever:

"That was Mike Brown. Thank you, Coach. Coming up next, we have...uh...Mike Brown."

So heed my words, Basketball Player Formerly known as Ron Artest....

Listen to me now and believe me later, Lemonjello Fruitalicious....

Don't put it in your mouth if you're not prepared to swallow it, Mike Brown....

....you be as bat s*** crazy as you want to be, number 3715, because I have a Dinner for Schmucks to attend and still haven't found my and-one (just watched that movie - God it was great. I mean, not 10-bucks-at-the-movie-theater great, but happened-upon-it-by-accident-on-HBO-On-Demand great for sure).

Metta Peace out.

**********************

Here's a final Ron Artest nugget of fun for you, courtesy of Jimmy Kimmel. If you haven't seen it, you're in for a treat:

Labels: Lakers, metta world peace, Mike Brown, new name, Ron Artest

No KD, that's the wrong ball. It's over, just...look, you're making this hard on both of us...

Kevin Durant's acne: Good morning readers of Basketbawful! We started off the night with some excellent close-up KD interview acne....bleegh. Eh, the ESPN pre-game is crap anyways, I'm turning it off until 9.

But I couldn't resist hearing what "bold predictions" would be made tonight:

Magic: KD 50 in a loss
JB: J.J. with 25-8 in DAL win
Wilbon: OKC win tonight

Sadly, it was obvious that JB made the most reasonable guess. And so it was.


The Chokelehoma City Blunder: Here we go again. Up by 7, 5 minutes to go, close out by getting out-scored by 17-6. How did this happen? Again?

The game started ugly, with Dirk's failed attempt at Kevin Love Outlet, and for the whole game Dallas was TERRIBLE at recognizing Nick Collison on the baseline just outside the paint. But the tide first changed with yet another Harden flop attempt. Only this time, the home crowd did not buy it at all, and neither did the refs.

(video?)

But that didn't stop the refs from sucking in general. Poor Dirk, up until the first minutes of the 4th, was getting hammered harder inside than Tori Black. Didn't the refs get the memo that the 2006 rematch hasn't officially started yet? In related news, Nick Collison set an NBA single game record with 9 personal fouls.

Yet thus is the value of experience, and Dirk yet again did his thing. More on this later. Marion put on a throwback defensive performance, and hell even his floater makes and 4 ft misses brought me some nostalgia of his Suns days. Okay back to Dirk. Check out how he ended the 3rd:

Dirk "German Doctor J" Nowitzki.

Mark Jackson, quote machine: "No disrespect, but I'm gonna disrespect Chandler!"


Jeff Van Gundy, quote machine: "Brendan Haywood is stroking it!"

Really though, would you even believe me if I told you that Brendan Haywood sinking free throws helped keep the Mavs afloat?


Russell "please don't start calling him by the nickname Mark Jackson made up 'Wild Thing'" Westbrook: Granted, the OKC choke was more evenly distributed tonight, but it seems only fair to start with Westbrook. Starting with that terrible play in the third, when dribbling it up the court on the sideline with Jason Terry defending. I think a whistle was blown almost simultaneously as Terry tried to reach in for the steal, but Westbrook just lost it and elbowed Terry directly into referee Monty McCutchen. You could see him visibly stunned and pausing for a second, like "wait, aren't I supposed to be giving you the benefit of the doubt on these whistles? Sorry bro, I gotta T that, because that was completely dumb". Westbrook finished with a Heroic Kobeian 31 points on 11-28 shooting.


Oklahoma in the last 5 minutes: Let's look at the numbers: 6 PTS, 2-10 FG, 2-2 FT, 9 REB, 7 TO (including a double dribble!), 6 PF (only 1 intentional). And although they got some good rebounds, they also gave up some terrible ones, including giving Dirk a second chance to try another wide open 3, which had a 107.12% chance of going in based on my calculations. And the terrible rebound that led to a Marion essentially-go-ahead fast break dunk, only Marion is Marion and kinda awkwardly bumbled and decelerated, allowing Durant to catch up and foul him while having no chance at preventing the score. Just wow.


Oh and Westbrook left the court early, which is kinda becoming no longer faux pas to do. Or the media will bring it up and compare it to the Pistons or LeBron or whoever doing it, which is giving him way too much credit. Or some other shit I don't really care.


Doris Burke, quote machine: "Mark [Cuban], if it's possible to be conspicuously inconspicuous, while there are no complaints out of New York, you have been remarkably quiet. Why?"


The Dallas Mavericks: For leaving behind the trophy, leading to Jason Terry awkwardly walking back out to the court to pick it up. But props on everyone walking away from Doris Burke at the end, prompting her to display the most emotion she's ever expressed, wondering why everyone was abandoning her.


Scott Brooks post-game press conference: Wanted to get the fuck out of there (and did so)


Kevin Durant post-game press conference: First words: "What up."

And did someone actually ask him how he felt about Dirk getting back to the Finals? I can't even joke about this ironically, because I know someone will twist this sound clip negatively against KD.

Harden was there sporting a backpack too, (DOUBLE BACKPACK, WHAT DOES IT MEAN?!?!), and was probably only there in the first place because Westbrook was being "u mad" on the team bus. But more on the backpack. What a terrible collage of colors. The Durant bag is simple and conveniently functional, the Harden bag was just trying too hard. May this press conference be the harbinger (including the reason for Westbrook's absence) for OKC's over-hyped future.

Oh who am I kidding, I'm gonna miss the backpacks. Please don't use HGH in the offseason, Durant.


The Los Angeles Lakers: LOS ANGELES (AP) --In the boldest move big business has seen since Domino's adopted their Maoist self-criticism marketing strategy, the Los Angeles Lakers have signed Mike Brown as their head coach in a 4 year $18 million deal. Sadly, there's no improved spices on the crust of this deal, however legions of Celtics, Spurs, Jazz and Pacific Division fans have taken to the streets in jubilation upon hearing this news, some crying with palms upwards towards the sky.

"It's a miracle," proclaims one Phoenix resident. "The second coming; it's glorious. We're all saved."

Ticket sales for Lakers away games have skyrocketted across the nation (and Toronto I guess), as people want to get a first glimpse of this historic moment. Meanwhile, discussions and general anxiety have rapidly spread, as the rate of Twitter tweets and blog posts from greater Los Angeles area IP addresses has increased tenfold over the past 24 hours.

"Yea, that Campang guy was right, this is pretty much the rapture," one fan bemoans outside of Staples Center, his Kobe 8 home jersey swaying listfully in the smog as he uses his smartphone to update his Facebook status on a network he thinks is 4G because 4G is in the name but is actually far slower than the real 4G standard specifies. A small group of self-proclaimed "real Lakers faithful" have gathered in front of the stadium with signs of protest against the decision. Other vocal fans seem to have quickly moved into their acceptance stage of grief.

"Well I mean, his record isn't THAT bad, and he led LeBron and the crappy crap Cavs to like, 69 wins and a bunch of Finals and stuff, and he can fix the Lakers's defensive problems!" posts an anonymous fan on some forum. Sources say a few tried to "white knight" for the relatively reasonable poster before being overwhelmed by requests to STFU.

Mike Brown could not be reached for comment, as he was too busy spouting metaphors on ESPN's half-time show, and developing a game plan to not have Kobe hate him within 24 hours.

Former Lakers head coach Phil Jackson could not be reached for comment, although we think we heard him snickering and choking on his own spittle before hanging up his cell.


Novak Djokovic's opponents: Play the entire game assholes, there's already enough accusations of throwing matches in tennis as it is.


Lay's Lightly Salted Chips: Curse your magic, making me type with one hand until I finished consuming you! You're not even that delicious, why can't I stop...


Marriage: One word - Humpdashian.


-AnacondaHL

Labels: Dallas Mavericks, Dirk Nowitzki, I freaking hate the Lakers, LOL, Mike Brown, Oklahoma City Thunder, Russell Westbrook

"Yeah, you're open for a reason!""...I'M OPEN! LET ME SHOOT IT!"
So it sounds like Mike Brown is your new Los Angeles Lakers head coach. Mike Freaking Brown. Get ready to go from the Triangle Offense to the What The Hell Am I Doing Offense!

Here's a fantastic what is this I don't even moment from the Basketball Jones.

Worst of the Night in Pictures:
Eh, what's up, Bosh?





Nationally Televised Games:
Thunder at Mavericks, ESPN, 9pm (Mavs lead series 3-1): I saw this stat from the ESPN Stats and Info crew: "Kevin Durant was 0-6 with James Harden on the bench during the fourth quarter and overtime in Game 4 of the Western Conference Finals. Durant is now 1-9 from the floor this postseason with Harden on the bench during the fourth quarter and overtime, including 0-7 from the 3-pt line." So I guess the proper move here would be to play James Harden all 48 minute? Instant success! (Stretches back in chair, kicks feet up on desk) Damn, no wonder Mike Brown can be the Lakers coach. This job is easy! Where's my $4 million per year?

Labels: Bawful After Dark, Mike Brown

And this is the guy who committed the foul...
The Cleveland Craboliers: The Crabs -- who were 40-2 in Cleveland last season -- have already lost two home games in four tries this season, despite a) having the reigning MVP and Coach of the Year, and b) adding a former MVP, four-time NBA champion and self-proclaimed Most Dominant Ever. They are, according to The Experts, "the most talented team in the league." And yet...their latest home loss came against the Bulls, a team that hasn't even shot as high as 42 percent as a team in a single game this season. That's not supposed to happen, right?

Cleveland's offense is a mess, even by coach Mike Brown's pooptastically low standards. What's more, Chicago's best defender might have been Shaq, who clogged the paint and effectively cut off several of LeBron's driving opportunities. Shades of Wilt Chamberlain and Elgin Baylor on that late 1960s, early 1970s Los Angeles Lakers team. You know, the one that went on a 33-game winning streak and captured an NBA title only after one of those guys left the team (in this case Baylor, who was nudged gently into retirement).

Last year, the Crabs won 66 games because of LeBron and the fact that their team chemistry was off the charts. This year? They still have King Crab, but that chemistry is nowhere to be seen. Nobody's grinning, laughing, or dancing on the bench. Just watch them sometime They don't look like they're having much fun at all. Which is what losing will do to a team.

Mike Brown: Each game that goes by makes his Coach of the Year award look increasingly ridiculous. At one point, he stuck with a lineup that featured both Shaq and Big Z in the frontcourt. Why not just play two statues on defense, Mike? When Brad Miller -- whose speed should be measured by a calendar instead of a stopwatch -- is coasting to the hoop at will, you know there's a problem. Unless, of course, you're 2008-09 NBA Coach of the Year Mike Brown.

Note also that, in the final 1:02 of the game, with the Crabs trailing 86-85, Mo West got two shots (a shanked three and a missed 10-footer) and LeBron got one (the final missed layup). If you're Cleveland, is Williams the guy you want taking the crunch-time shots? Absolutely not. If you're the Bulls? Absolutely. Speaking of which...

Cleveland's final play: End-of-game fail? Yes. It was kind of amazing, though, if you think about it. LeBron was getting his usual superstar calls throughout the game, including one where he busted open Kirk Hinrich's chin and another in which he got an "And one!" despite taking 17 steps after the whistle. (That play had Mike Fratello practically spitting up on himself.) So, with about three seconds left and a one-point Cleveland deficit, I figured King Crab was going to drive, get the call, and sink two foul shots for the win.

Well, he drove all right. He used his massive shoulder to body-block Luol Deng out of his way, but Joakim Noah cut him off. There was some minor contact, after which LeBron flailed his arms like a couple of wet noodles and lost the ball out of bounds. Only...no whistle. Ooooooh, yeah. And, of course, LeBron wasn't happy: "It's a call you think you may get. I felt a push from Deng and some contact over the top from Noah. Enough to put me on the free throw line? Yes. But that’s a judgment call for the officials."

Countered Noah: "I didn't feel like it was even close to being a foul. I wasn't worried because there was no contact at all." While that's not entirely true in the sense of "truth" being actual, provable facts, it was heartening to see the officials swallow their whistles considering how much of that contact was initiated by James.

More from John Krolik of Cavs: the Blog: "As for the last play, there were 4 seconds left, and [LeBron] went to his highest-percentage play: damn the torpedoes and make a hard, decisive drive. The real issue was that Noah was there waiting for him because we'd parked 320 pounds of a guy who can't shoot or screen directly under the rim, and Hinrich made a nice rotation down to cut off that pass. Shaq shouldn't be out there in those scenarios. Period. And no, there was no foul on that play -- Noah was in perfect position, and LeBron tried to crash into him out of desperation."

David Stern: The NFL takes quick and decisive action when its players have run-ins with the law. And yet Delonte West -- who got arrested for packing enough firepower to take on a zombie apocalypse and win -- is still on the court. Explain that to me, Mr. Commissioner.

Zydrunas Ilgauskas: Is coming off the bench killing Big Z's game? Last night's 0-for-9 performance should pretty much answer that question.

The Cleveland bench: If you take away Boobie Gibson's 8 points and 3-for-4 shooting, the Crabs' reserves (Big Z, West and J.J. Hickson) scored 4 points on 1-for-18 shooting. That's not a typo, by the way: 1-for-18.

Cleveland Junk Grabbers: From Basketbawful reader Adrian: "For your perusal, here's a pair of floor-seat-dwelling white guys taking a rare opportunity at what looks like grabbing King Crab's junk as he dived to keep the ball in play just before half-time in the Crabs-Bulls game." No wonder Cleveland fans are so worried about LeBron bolting out of town next summer...these opportunities would be lost forever...


The San Antonio Spurs: Hey, wait, what's going on? Like the Crabs, the Spurs began this season as one of the league's supposed most-talented teams. Yet, here they are, 2-2 and not looking particularly good. Last night, they looked terrible against a team that's been terrible so far this season.

Not only were the Spurs throwing up bricks (43 percent shooting), their defense was decidedly un-Spurs-like (the Jazz hit 53 percent of their shots despite going 1-for-7 from downtown). Mind you, the Jazz hit 22 layups in the game and scored an incredible 64 points in the paint (compared to 46 for the Spurs). Utah also outscored San Antonio on the break 16-8 and outrebounded them 41-36. Basically, they got outplayed in pretty much every possible category. TOTAL FAIL.

By the way, it was Utah's first win over the Spurs since April of 2008.

Greg Popovich: I love the interviews he gives TNT between quarters. Love 'em. Last night, when asked what his team could do to keep the Jazz out of the paint, Pop deadpanned; "Try harder." I wish I had video of every one of these interviews he's ever given.

All the teams that didn't draft DeJuan Blair: The only San Antonio player to shine last night was Blair, who finished with 14 points (7-for-10), 9 rebounds, and a better plus-minus score (+5) than any Spurs starter. Now how did he fall all the way to the second round again...?

Lacktion report: Chris, our self-styled Master of Lacktion, strikes again:

Spurs-Jazz: With Bruce Bowen out to pasture, Gregg Popovich attempted to find a stopgap good luck charm in Keith Bogans tonight. Despite a non-victorious result, Bogans did his best to bumble his way through the evening, fouling twice and losing the rock once for a +3 suck differential in 10:42.

Jerry Sloan's ongoing efforts to avoid being Coach of the Year via smart strategy paid off tonight, buoyed by the first lacktive appearance of Kyrylo Fesenko this year, a single-brick +1 in 2:42. Kosta Koufos continued his impressive start of sub-importance via the coinage of 1.8 trillion.

Donald Sterling: The Clippers owner is who we thought he was. (Hat tip: Chris.)

The Sacramento Kings: Could things possibly get any worse for this awful team? Abso-friggin-lutely. (Hat tip: Also Chris.)

Marcus Jordan: He insisted on wearing daddy's Air Jordan shoes in a game despite his school's contract with Adidas. And now Adidas has announced it will not renew its contract with the school. Way to be all "team first" there, Marcus.

Labels: Chicago Bulls, Cleveland Cavaliers, Donald Sterling, Lebron James, Mike Brown, Sacramento Kings, San Antonio Spurs, Shaq, Utah Jazz

Mike "Dumbleavy" Coach of the Year? It could totally happen. Trust me.
Samahn from Italia wrote in to say: "I saw this and immediately thought of 'bawful. Special wag of the finger goes to Chris Sheridan and Royce Webb of ESPN.com for predicting that Mike Dunleavy will get Coach of the Year. Wow...I'm speachless. This is the same guy who, well, you know. Please but shame on these two ESPN writers and forever ingrave them in the 'bawful archives!

Actually, that preduction may not be too far out there. Let's look at some recent CoY recipients:

1. Mike Brown (2008-09): Subsequently outcoached in the Eastern Conference Finals, marking one of the only times in league history a team had both the MVP and the Coach of the Year yet failed to reach the NBA Finals.

2. Sam Mitchell (2006-07): Subsequently fired by the Raptors only 17 games into the 2008-09 season after a 39-point loss to the Denver Nuggets.

3. Avery Johnson (2005-06): Subsequently fired following the 2007-08 season because the Mavs needed a fresh start. I'm sure those three consecutive humiliating playoff losses had nothing whatsoever to do with it.

4. Mike D'Antoni (2004-05): Subsequently "allowed to pursue employment opportunities elsewhere" by the Suns following the 2008-09 season and yet another painful playoff loss to the San Antonio Spurs.

4. Hubie Brown (2003-04): Subsequently retired 12 games into the 2004-05 season because, dear lord, the man is an ancient mummy creature! And why spend your twilight years coaching the Grizzlies, you know?

5. Rick Carlisle (2001-02): Subsequently fired after the 2002-03 season so the Pistons could hire Larry Brown...and win the 2004 NBA title.

6. Doc Rivers (1999-00): Subsequently fired during the 2003-04 season after his Magic squad started the year 1-10. Note that he continued to suck in Boston until Kevin Garnett and Ray Allen arrived to save him.

7. Mike Dunleavy (1998-99): And we come full circle! Subsequently fired after the 2000-01 season. From the actual press release: "Mike Dunleavy was dismissed as coach of the Portland Trail Blazers tonight, taking the fall for an underachieving team that failed to win a playoff game despite an NBA-record $89.7 million payroll."

Did I mention that Jerry Sloan still hasnt' won a Coach of the Year award despite a 1137-751 (.602) record and 12 50-win seasons? Oh, and in 21 years of coaching in Utah, the Jazz have have a losing record exactly...once.

So, to sum up, the state of the NBA Coach of the Year award is an absolute joke. As such, it would not surprise me in the least if Mike Dunleavy won it this year...and was subsequently fired within two seasons. After all, as you can see, history tends to repeat itself.

Labels: Avery Johnson, Coach of the Year, Mike Brown, Mike D'Antoni, Mike Dunleavy Sr., Sam Mitchell

Sasha Pavlovic: He was easily the least productive Cavalier -- among those that saw some PT -- and that's really saying something: 10 minutes, zero points (0-for-1), 1 rebound, 1 steal and 1 foul. But in another statistical anomaly that Mr. Lenova has yet to adequately explain, Sasha had the best +/- score on the team (+4). So, what? He's unproductive but invaluable?

Daniel Gibson: It's probably been official for a while now, but I'm going to say it anyway: Delonte West has rendered Boobie obsolete. And now Boobs, like Sasha, is stuck in a Catch-and-Shoot-22: He's not effective unless he's getting shots, but he's not going to get any shots unless he becomes more effective. And it showed (again) last night: 2 points, 1-for-4, 1 block and 1 foul in 14 minutes of lack-tion. It's hard to believe this now, but does anybody else remember how crucial Boobie was when the Cavs eliminated the Pistons in the Eastern Conference Finals last year?

Wally Szczerbiak: After a couple solid games in Cleveland, Wally transformed back into the White Larry Hughes by dropping 10 points on 3-for-8 shooting to go along with 4 rebounds, zero assists, 1 turnover and 2 fouls.

Ben Wallace: He's still dying dizzy, right? I mean 4 points, 4 rebounds, a turnover and a block. Oh, and he had the worst +/- score on the team (-11). Is that really more production than they would have gotten out of Drew Gooden? Or even Drew Gooden's beard?

Mike Brown: Not to go all kinky on you guys, but I'm starting to think that Brown is into autoerotic asphyxiation, because he tends to coach with both hands around his neck. And last night was no exception. And here are a few fun comments left about Brown on my NBA Closer Column:

Magnakai Haaskivi: You know, Mike Brown...just because a plan worked ONCE doesn't mean it'll work EVERY SINGLE TIME. You have to assume they'll adjust to your adjustments.

Burning River: Dear Mike Brown, Two things: first, please stop running a ball screen for LeBron. If you don't do this, Boston cannot double up on him. Second, Please do not have Wally on the floor when you have 3 time outs and need a rebound. Thanks, Everyone in Cleveland

Juancho: Seriously, to blow a 14-point lead, cut it 4, and end up losing by 7...Mike Brown...(speechless)...this series is like the bad basketball coaching death octagon: 2 teams will enter, but only 1 coach should be allowed to leave.

Ray Allen: Mr. Shuttlesworth played okay...for Wally Szczerbiak. The line: 11 points, 4-for-11, 3 rebounds, 2 assists, 3 turnovers. Not a bad 40 minutes worth of work for a perennial All-Star, huh? His transformation into Chris Mullin circa 1999 is now complete. Oh, and Rajon Rondo (20 points, 2-for-3 from downtown, 13 assists) may have officially taken Ray-Ray's place in The Mid-Sized Three.

LeBron James: The final numbers were fantastic -- 35 points, 12-for-25 from the field, 11-for-13 from the line, 5 assists -- but after scoring 23 points in the first 20 minutes, King James sent cold, going 4-for-14 and getting burned by Paul Pierce. LeBron also committed 4 turnovers and, after the game, fell back into talking in the third person: "We know it's a win-or-go-home situation...but a LeBron James team is never desperate."

Kendrick Perkins: You can't even say The Beast looked as slow and helpless as Big Ben...because he looked even more slow and helpless. Perkins scored 1 points (0-for-2), grabbed 5 rebounds, threw the ball away twice, had one of his shots stuffed and committed 4 fouls in 28 minutes of sheer ugliness. It's like he's channeling the spirit of Greg Kite.

Doc Rivers: Doc pulled a K.C. Jones last night by playing four of his starters 40+ minutes. It "worked" insofar as the Celtics won the game. But if Boston continues to struggle on the road and has to play seven-game series after seven-game series to proceed, they're going to get worn down. Oh, and his management of the last few minutes of the game was (as usual) terrible.

The Boston Bench: As noted, they didn't get much of a chance to shine, as Doc played got only a combined 45 minutes out of his reserves. And Gang Green promptly sunk to the occasion: 9 points, 4-for-11 shooting, 5 rebounds, 2 assists, 2 turnovers, 2 steals, and 9 fouls. And their numbers were only that good because of Big Baby Davis (6 points, 3-for-4).

Eddie House: He gets special attention for earning his second mario of the playoffs.

Doc Rivers, quote machine: Regarding Rajon Rondo's two three-pointers, Doc said: "Those were shots that when they go in, you love them." Thanks for the enlightenment, Doc.

Carlos Boozer: He shot almost 55 percent from the field during the regular season, but you wouldn't even guess that based on how he's been shooting in this series. Last night, the Booz Man was 6-for-16. And part of the problem has been his reliance on the jump shot, and he was 2-for-8 from outside last night. C'mon, Carlos! You're an inside player. Play inside. Karl Malone didn't start shooting bailout jumpers until he was almost 40.

Paul Millsap: This guy really frustrates me, so I can't imagine how crazy he's driving Jerry Sloan. Some nights, he looks so good, like in Game 2 when he kept the Jazz in the game with 17 points and 10 rebounds. Other nights, he just disappears like most of your buddies do when you have to move to a new apartment. Last night was one of those "other nights": Zero points (0-for-0), 3 rebounds, 3 turnovers and 4 fouls in 7 minutes.

Jarron Collins: He won the Most Invisible Seven-footer of the Night ward: Zero points (0-for-0) and 1 rebound in 2:33. Take away the rebound, and that would have been a vintage Jason Collins performance.

Sasha Vujacic: I enjoy seeing douchebags fail, so Sasha gave me a happy last night by scoring 6 points on 1-for-11 shooting. He was 1-for-8 on threes, which -- in addition to slap-happy defense -- is his supposed specialty.

Luke Walton: Mitch Kupchak finished second in NBA Executive of the Year voting, and it was well-deserved. For the most part. But the six-year, $30 million contract he gave to Walton was as good a reason as any that Kups didn't come in first. The Son of Bill must have been channeling the spirit of his daddy's feet, because he played a pretty worthless 13 minutes: 1 point, 0-for-1, 2 rebounds, zero assists, 1 turnover, 1 steal and 2 personal fouls. And just think: The Lakers can look forward to five more years of this!

D.J. Mbenga: One night after Arron Afflalo did it -- and yeah, I realize I boned that one -- Mbenga matched Afflalo's seemingly impossible feat: He played exactly one second. As Basketbawful reader Justin put it: "Wednesday night, DJ 'Jazzy' Mbenja achieved the most inconceivably awesome Super Mario ever: he played for one second. I've been racking my brain for the proper term for such an epic event, but I'm too excited about saying DJ 'Jazzy' Mbenja to even try thinking of one. But if there is any man capable of both tackling this issue and actually caring about it, I know that man is you." Thank you, Justin. And I am that man. I would describe the event as phenomenally sad, kind of like watching somebody stuff sick kittens into a blender and hit "liquify." Actually, it's a little sadder than that.

Officiating: I'm not going to blast the fact that the Lakers got another 40+ freethrows at home -- although they did -- but I am going to shred the refs for letting Pau Gasol go over the back to score the Lakers' game-breaking basket. As NovakAintNoJokovic put it in my Closer column: "Did anyone else think Gasol's 'crucial' offensive-rebound-and-put-back with 20 seconds to go should have been called an over-the-back? He basically gave Okur a shiatsu massage before shoving him out of the way." The answer, of course, is yes, yes and yes.

Update! Road teams: The road teams are now 1-19 in the second round. That's historically bad. Anybody care to explain the road woes? I'm sure it has nothing to do with The Stern Button, or the fact that extended series bring in a lot of revenue. And don't forget, this stuff started happening at the very beginning of the Stern Era.

NBA Executive of the Year voters: Danny Ainge won the award, as he should have, and Mitch Kupchak came in second, as he should have. And coming in third, only two votes behind Kups, was...New Orleans GM Jeff Bower? Seriously? What, because he sat on Chris Paul, David West and Tyson Chandler? That was a no-brainer. Or was it because he dealt a useful reserve (Bobby Jackson) for a chunky malcontent (Bonzi Wells) and a shoot-happy bench jockey (Mike James). I would really like to hear an explanation for those 12 votes.

NBA.com: Last night's two-face promo featured LeBron James versus...Kevin Garnett? Nope. It was actually LeBron versus LeBron. And here I thought there could be only one. (Thanks to Erich, j men and Milad for jumping all over this one.)


Update! NBA.com's fantasy "expert": They picked Wally Szczerbiak as last night's breakout fantasy player. Whoops. Basketbawful reader Milan pointed this one out to me.


Yahoo! Getty Images: This is more of a personal amusement than an actual "Worst." But somebody at Getty Images must have realized that Basketbawful has been keeping track of their caption boo-boos, because they not only corrected a mistake, they made a really big-ass deal out correcting it (see below). Just another way Basketbawful is making the world a better place. Thanks to kobefearslebron for the 411. Oh, and thanks to dunkfu for replacing the blame.


Random Evil Ted extra: "Has there ever really been a SERIOUS caption error? Unless of course it's a writ from the Governor that mistakenly says "Execute this man" instead of "DON'T execute this man."

Labels: Boston Celtics, Cleveland Cavaliers, fan submissions, Lebron James, Los Angeles Lakers, Mike Brown, NBA playoffs, Utah Jazz, Worst of the Night