In order to participate in Chicago's annual St. Patrick's Day celebration -- not to mention mourn my Boilermaker's historic fail in the Big 10 Tournament -- I had to forego my usual Worst of the Weekend post. Instead, I give you this phototastic tribute to commemorate the end of the Mike Dunleavy Sr. era in Clipperland. These are the images we must never forget.

Note that I only found one really good Dunleavy facepalm. If you can find another, please send it in and I will add it to this post. By the way, I've decided to name the pose in which a coach adopts a pissy/confused/constipated look while standing with his palms face up "The Dunleavy."

Labels: Mike Dunleavy Sr., We'll miss you Mike Dunleavy

Nightmare fuel
So, it's Mardi Gras. And yet I'm stuck looking at snow for either the 11th, 12th, or 13th consecutive day (I lost count. Sigh.) Meanwhile, our head writer/editor is in a warm weather climate, drinking until most of his fine motor skills cease to function properly. No, I'm not bitter, why do you ask?

It's the first night of NBA games since the All-Star break. Let's get to it.

Bawful Trade of the Day:
Today's trade is, sadly, a real trade.
Frail Blazers receive: Marcus Camby
Clippers receive: Steve Blake, Travis Outlaw, $1.5mil cash, and Portland will be responsible for $2mil in Camby's incentives

Portland is obviously delighted to get a big man to help fill in the gap created by injuries to Greg Oden and Joel Pryzbilla (and no, Juwan Howard's mummified remains aren't a very reliable stopgap). However, this trade is just an abomination from the Clippers' point of view.

Marcus Camby did not want to be traded, and the Clippers did not inform him in advance that they were going to move him. And even worse, what exactly does LA stand to gain from this trade? A backup point guard, and someone who has been injured this season. Shouldn't a 7-footer who is a reasonable defender and excellent rebounder be a fairly prized commodity? Shouldn't you be able to set his value pretty high just by waiting a little closer to the deadline and negotiating deals between several different teams?

Oh, wait. As noted by Bill Simmons, the $1.5 million in cash "covers 55% of Sterling's racial discrimination settlement." So there you go. Now the trade makes perfect sense!

(And isn't it nice just to see Mike Dumbleavy continuing to bring us bawful entertainment even if he isn't coaching anymore?)

Worst of the Weekend in Pictures:

Dirk and Kaman get ready for the junior prom
(via Steve Nash)

Can somebody tell me why Clutch wasn't in the Celebrity Game playing alongside Chris Tucker?
Nationally Televised Games:
Suns at Grizzlies: I don't give a crap about this game. I just want to see what team gets suckered into taking Amar''''e and gives him a max contract he doesn't deserve. The sooner, the better!

All The Other Games:
Heat at 76ers: Bad news: the Heat have dropped six straight in Philly. Good news? Iverson's back, so Philly can now go back to losing games.

Nyets at Bobcats: Come on, 4-49! Come on, 4-49!

Timberwolves at Pistons: I have to quote this preview because it made me laugh: "With a sub-.500 record, the Detroit Pistons find themselves in an atypical position coming out of the All-Star break. There's nothing unusual about the Minnesota Timberwolves having a losing record at All-Star weekend, though."

Knicks at Bulls: Rose is tight and sore after playing in the All-Star game while hurt, and Joakim Noah still is battling plantar fasciitis. New York is still battling a case of being the Knicks, so that kinda balances things out.

Mavericks at Thunder: Will Dallas benefit from the Caron Butler trade (which helped further turn the Bullets into a real-life version of our Null-Star team)? This is our first chance to see if it helps them remember how to play defense.

Jazz at Rockets: Rumors have Knee-Mac getting shipped to New York. I'm sure the Rockets players will be on Cloud 9 and will play their asses off in this game if the trade suddenly goes down this afternoon.

Clippers at Frail Blazers: I like how the Clippers/Blazers trade happened when the Clips were already in Portland. It saved Donald Sterling a few bucks in long distance phone charges, and I'm sure he appreciates that.

Celtics at Kings: It has now been one year since Kevin Garnett jacked up his knee and began Boston's gradual decline. Excuse me while I go drink until I can't feel feelings.

Warriors at Lakers: Ellis an Maggette both are questionable at best for this game. At what point do we have to start pulling random fans out of the stands to fill the bench for the Warriors?

Labels: Bawful After Dark, Bawful Trade of the Day, Chris Kaman, Dirk Nowitzki, Donald Sterling, Mike Dunleavy Sr.

Mike Dunleavy could use these words of advice from The Big Motivator
(h/t Big Bad Carter AKA Greg)
We're bringing the double-team on you again this weekend. I've got the top half, and Chris has written up our game previews.

It's Super Bowl weekend! I just don't really care all that much. I want to not like Indianapolis, but it's hard to not like Peyton Manning. And I didn't really care about the Saints before this season, but they're a fun team and it'd be nice to see them win the Super Bowl too. There needs to be a more good/evil type of game for the Super Bowl to really be interesting in my opinion. Or if the Steelers are playing.

Okay, maybe I should clarify so I don't sound like a crappy bandwagon fan. I'm not from Pittsburgh, I've never been there, I don't really care that much about the city itself. However, I am a Steelers fan. My dad became a Steelers fan during the Steel Curtain era 70s, and therefore I was raised watching them. Watching all of those games with my dad... it became our team. I even somehow survived the Kordell Stewart era, but it wasn't easy (Thank God I was too young to remember the Bubby Brister era). Also, coincidentally, I'm also a Pittsburgh Penguins fan. In their case, I already liked the energetic, exciting team in the 1999-2000 area, but I totally bandwagoned on when Mario Lemieux came out of retirement. It's hard not to root for one of the absolute best players ever coming back from cancer, right? I even stuck by them through the Dark Ages of Lemieux injuries and people like Milan Kraft, Randy Robitaille, and Dan Focht playing significant minutes. It was a black hole of failure and sadness the likes of which I hadn't seen since each and every Detroit Lions season in the past decade or five. (Thank God for Crosby, Malkin, Fleury, Staal, Talbot, etc)

But, uh, anyway... go Colts and/or Saints!

Planning on driving to a Super Bowl party this weekend? Better check the weather before hitting the road. Pressed for time and need just a quick summary? Family Guy fans should use this site. Thanks, Ollie.

Mike Dumbleavy Memorial:
It is a time of mourning here at Basketbawful. As noted in the Worst of the Night, Mike Dunleavy has agreed to step down as head coach of the Clippers. While we are ecstatic that he will continue to be the General Manager, and therefore likely to follow some of the trade advice offered in our Bad Trades feature, we are deeply saddened that we will no longer see him on the sidelines. Looking sad, looking angry, looking confused, looking confused some more, and looking confused again for good measure provided golden opportunity for photographic evidence of the failure of the Clippers. We need to honor this. Please help us find all the best Dunleavy pictures we can get. Post them in the comments, or you may e-mail them to Bawful or to me. Next week, we will post a special pictorial retrospective of Dunleavey's coaching career with The Other L.A. Team.

Bawful Trade of the Day:
Lots of trades because it's the weekend, and also because it'd be just mean to only share one per day.
Trade #1
Here's a four-team painfest from reader Mike T:

Crabs (+5 wins) receive: Boozer and Okur
Jazz (-11 wins) receive: Bonner, Nash, Robin Lopez
Suns (-6 wins) receive: Shaq, Ginobili
Spurs (-7 wins) receive: Amar'''''e
"I wanted to send Boozer to Cleveland, Shaq to Phoenix, Amar'eee to San Antonio and Ginobili to Phoenix since all of those fan bases have reason to hate the player they are acquiring. In the process I was also able to send 3 white guys to Utah. I was amazed that this was successful."

So wrong, yet so right. Great bad trade, Mike T.

Trade #2
Stockton contributed this gem, which I like almost as much as his namesake:

Bricks (+9 wins) receive: Devin Harris, Brook Lopez, Tony Battie, Chairman Yi, and Bobby Simmons
Nyets (-9 wins) receive: Eddy Curry, Cuttino Mobley, Darko Milicic, and Jordan Hill
"Nets projected to win less 9 with this trade. This would means they would finish with a 82/-1 record or something?"

Close. They'll alter the schedule so the Nyets can play a bunch of extra games against the Globetrotters or a local high school team or something just so they can validate taking on Eddy Curry's obscenely huge contract.

Trade #3
Alex brings us a whitewash:

Pacers (-27 wins) receive: Korver, Ridnour, Alexander, Gadzuric, and four trade exceptions
Bucks (+3 wins) receive: Ford, Granger, Price, Koufos
Jazz (+4 wins) receive: Solomon Jones, Dahntay Jones, Dorell Wright, Hibbert, Cook
Heat (-2 wins) receive: Rush, Watson, Head
"it took a little effort, but i was not only able to make the pacers a team made of only non-international white guys, but also made them 10 wins worse. so proud."

I'm proud of you, too.

Bonus trade #1
In a last-second entry before I finished this post, Wolfe delivered pure gold:

Hawks (-1 win) receive: Steve Novak, Darnell Jackson, Fabricio Oberto, Cedric Jackson, Sebastian Telfair, Ricky Davis
Crabs (+0 wins)receive Jason Collins
BUllets (+0 wins) receive Maurice Evans
Clippers (+0 wins) receive Mike Bibby
"It would let the Hawks to start next line up:

G: Cedric "Lacktion II: Electric Boogaloo" Jackson
SG: Mario West
SF: Steve Novak
PF: Darnell Lacktion Jackson
C: Faboulous Fabricio Oberto

Coach: Chris.

I'd rather prefer to form this team on the Clippers, but you can't trade Mario, and you must have Mario in a real Most-Lacktator-ever team."

Hard to argue with that.

Bonus trade #2
Basketbawful reader Kevin King shares this gem (sorry, no link to the trade):

Washington Bullets: (+2 wins) receive: Andre Miller, Vanilla Godzilla

Boston Celtics: (+7 wins) receive: Greg Oden, Martell Webster (who?) (I tried to put in Roy, but it kept coming up as a trade fail, even the Trade Machine isn't that stupid)

Portland FrailBlazers: (-18 wins) receive: Gilbert Arenas, Javaris Crittenton, Rasheed Wallace, Brian Scalabrine (becaue we all want to see a pasty white guy hang out with real thugs)

"Wallace can teach a new generation (Arenas/Crittenton) how to handle their pro basketball careers while still having constant run-ins with the law. P.S. Losing two players that don't even play anymore has somehow given the Bullets two more wins on the season."

No offense Portland fans (I enjoy watching your team, seriously), but the rebirth of the Jail Blazers is hard to pass up. And I'm not exactly sure how Greg Oden's prehistoric knees help Boston, but I'm just going to assume Hollinger's advanced metrics are screwing us again. Fair assumption? Fair assumption.

Bonus trade #3
In honor of the Clippers losing head coach Mike Dunleavy to give him more free time to screw up the team with bad trades and free agency signings, here's a trade suggestion from, well, me.

Clippers (-11 wins) receive: Adam Morrison, Sasha Vujacic, DJ Mbenga, Luke Walton, Eddy Curry, Chris Duhon, and Darko Milicic
Lakers (+6 wins) receive: Blake Griffin, Marcus Camby, Eric Gordon, and a trade exception
Bricks( +8 wins) receive: Chris Kaman and Baron Davis.

This seems logical to Mike Dunleavy, right?

Worst of the Night in Pictures:

"Damnit! My Rogaine regimen isn't working!"

"You hit a 3, Little Buddy? Aww! That's so cute!"

Sad D-Wade is sad. :(

The Big Respect Machine

A Darnell "Lacktion" Jackson sighting! A rare find.
Now I'll hand it off to Chris for the game previews...

Nationally Televised Friday Games:
Bulls-Hawks: The Bulls are rapidly becoming the bipolar team of the month - they have trouble with bawful teams (as evidenced with The Comeback and with those losses to the Nyets and Clippers), but look great against over-500 squads. So this should play right into Vinnie Smallz's hands!

Nuggets-Lakers: If Lord Mamba chooses to play hurt for this game, could we see another SWAC-worthy 5-point performance like the one he dropped on the Bobcats?

All The Other Friday Games:
Bullets-Magic: Even if the illusionists from Orlando aren't entirely convincing as contenders, a visit from the beleaguered Beltway dwellers should provide a ho-hum addition to the win column.

Pistons-Pacers: Hey everybody, it's the highly unanticipated rematch of the two squads from the Malice at the Palace. Possibly the Bawful Game Of The Night by default, though certainly a great choice for curing insomnia.

Nyets-Celtics: The Truth, like KG, is the latest to qualify for Medicare in Beantown...but how can anyone tell when they're coming up against a team showing fewer signs of life than Jimmy Hoffa?

BTW, since Devin Harris's infamous stat curse, the ruble-rousers are now 27-84 (meaning they have lost more games than an entire season's worth of ball in that timespan!). I would be far from shocked if it was 24-85 after this visit to the TDGaaahden.

Bucks-Knicks: Milwaukee's 13 games under .500 on the road, but the Knicks are two games under .500 at MSG. Something's gotta give...I think.

Rockets-Grizzlies: Z-Bo, All-Star...has the Grizzlies matching Houston's hobbled record so far, so that 75% winning percentage at FedEx Forum should bode well for the man who has graduated out of the Basketbawful banner.

Sixers-Hornets: Even without CP3, I doubt the Cancer's new "devotion to team play" will change the fact that this game was probably decided the moment Elton Brand cashed his first bloated paycheck.

Wolves-Mavs: Remember when everyone predicted that the Timberpoops would be right up with the Nyets for record-setting bawful? With Minnesota amazingly making it to 11 wins so far, I guess Coach Clothesline can accomplish a few small miracles once in a while.

Suns-Kings: So let me guess, the Paupers will lead by 15 at the half, then go down by 10 with 2 minutes to go with the help of Mr. Discount Store's recurring blue light special for masonry...then have Tyreke the Freak lead them to another two-point loss? It's not like the month and a quarter since The Comeback has provided anything different.


Nationally Televised Saturday Games:
Heat-Bulls: Two teams who cannot decide if they are good or not will match up in a battle to prove which one is more mediocre! D-Wade and Derrick Rose must really be loving the Leastern Conference right about now...

All The Other Saturday Games:
Hornets-Bobcats: George Shinn will be in attendance, right? Ahem, guess not.

Hawks-Bullets: The dirty birds won't have to worry too much if they're going to be riddled by mostly blanks and paintballs in the Phonebooth.

Knicks-Crabs: So now the 'bockers are going to go to the Q and audition themselves once again for King Crab, and this time with the ENDORSEMENT OF ZEKE HIMSELF! What, they couldn't have called up someone with a more positive legacy to sell Manhattan to Bron-Bron, someone like Big Snacks or Allan Houston's contract?

Nyets-Pistons: Hey, Oakland County might be the one place where the Nyets have some hope of winning...just as folks at Mat's alma mater had hope he was the next Big Voskuhl! Yeah.

Grizzlies-Wolves: With the baby cubs in the midst of a playoff push, Z-Bo must love the chance to feast on such sucktacularity in Minneapolis.

Sixers-Rockets: In the highly unanticipated battle of Teams Charles Barkley Used To Play For, the chances of Clutch the Bear doing a victory jig are slightly higher than the chances that Clutch's "rejected fan wedding proposal" video was staged!

Pacers-Bucks: It's a matchup that screams "Mid-Market 1970s" doesn't it?

Nuggets-Jazz: Ever since Dan declared the Jazz as one of the bipolar teams in the Association, well...they've gotten hot, and they've won 75% of their home games, so Melo and Chauncey will have it a bit tough at the EnergySolutions Arena.

Lakers-Frail Blazers: So far, the Frail Blazers seeming secret to success is to continue racking up the medical bills while putting in an increasingly aging set of bench players (I'm talking about you, Juwan Howard) back into the fray. With Kobe still not at 100%, the Rose Garden may yet again be a thorn in the side of Phil Jackson.

Spurs-Clippers: Before Dumbleavy's self-dismissal as coach, this matchup would have resembled a coaching battle between Einstein and a stick. Now, with Kim Hughes coming in to save the day for Staples Center's third tenant...well...I think the analogy still applies, doesn't it? Who of average-to-above-average mind would voluntarily coach the Clippers anyway?

Thunder-Warriors: Just like Brandon Jennings earlier this year, Kevin Durant has an opportunity here to set personal scoring records, what with the residents of The Oracle being allergic to protecting their own backcourt due to their Nellieball infections.


Nationally Televised Sunday Games:
Magic-Celtics: So The Truth supposedly wants to be back in the fold by this game...but with he and KG amongst others finding their creaky bones not up to snuff for the rigors of professional basketball, Pumaman won't even have to learn a new post move to rack up the points in the paint!

All The Other Sunday Games:
Kings-Raptors: Canada may still be tangentially attached to royalty, but Mr. Discount Store crying for foul calls hardly resembles Henry the VIII's marriage denunciations.

Labels: Bawful After Dark, Bawful Trade of the Day, Mike Dunleavy Sr.

BALL.
The Miami Heat: After his team scored only 13 points in the fourth quarter en route to a 102-86 loss to the Crabs in Cleveland, Dwyane Wade said: "This team is just better than us. You have to be realistic. I understand this team has NBA championship aspirations. We don't have that. We're focusing on trying to get to the playoffs and this team is trying to get to the championship. It's totally different."

Translation: We suck.

Okay, maybe that interpretation is a tad harsher than what Pookie actually meant, but it's true.

Meanwhile, King Crab pulled a reverse Magic Johnson. Instead of going from point guard to center, LeBron went from forward to point guard. This was necessary because Mo Williams and Delonte West are both MIA, and Boobie Gibson was scratched from the starting lineup and didn't enter the game until the second half after joining his pregnant fiancee, singer Keyshia Cole, who was hospitalized for precautionary reasons.

Said James: "I knew I was going to have the ball in my hands a lot because I was the starting point guard or point forward, whatever you want to call it. Like Magic [Johnson]. I can go coast to coast and do a lot of things with the ball that point guards in this league can't do. I was aggressive, they fouled me and I continued to be aggressive."

Agressive. Yes. That's one way to put it. LeBron (36 points, 7 rebounds, 8 assists) finished with 21 free throw attempts. Meanwhile, D-Wade -- who went 11-for-26 from the field and committed a game-high 6 turnovers -- finished with only two foul shots. Has it really been that long since the 2006 NBA Finals?

Make no mistake: The Crabs were roughing Wade up, but the refs kept choking on their whistles. Home cookin'? What do you think? And Pookie's old teammate, Shaq, dropped Wade twice without a response from the officiating crew. For example:


By the way, in case you've forgotten, this isn't the first time these former teammates have bumped into each other...


Said Wade: "I went into him a couple times and nothing got called. I do what I normally do and that's be aggressive. He stepped up and delivered a couple body blows, but he knows I'm not going to break. So it's fine. He got a little blood, but it wasn't nothing."

Replied Shaq: "I'm not going to move and I ain't going to flop. So I'm just going to stand there. They're either going to call a foul or let us play."

I guess they decided to let 'em play. Unless somebody looked cross-eyed at LeBron, that is.

Dwyane Wade: As if everything I already mentioned wasn't enough, Pookie got straight up posterized in the first quarter by J.J. Hickson. Wade tried to get Hickson back in the third quarter, but J.J. rejected him at the rim.


Fail.

Quentin Richardson: In 28 minutes, Q went 0-for-7 from the field, 0-for-3 from downtown, and finished with a whopping zero points. On the bright side, he didn't have any turnovers.

The San Antonio Spurs: On TrueHoop, John Hollinger spun about how Tony Parker's inability to check back into the game might have been responsible for the Spurs loss to the Frail Blazers in Portland:

All Tony Parker could do was sit and watch. Marooned at the scorer's table while he waited for a whistle to get him back in the game, he saw the clock tick inside 4 minutes ... and 3 ... and 2 ... while a six-point San Antonio turned into a dispiriting 96-93 defeat to Portland.

Parker's whistle never came, courtesy of a 3:32 stretch without a dead ball, and by the time Parker got back in his team was trailing 88-87 and he was ice cold after spending five fourth-quarter minutes on the bench. San Antonio went 3:29 without scoring, encompassing five entry trips, until Manu Ginobili's lay-up with 18.5 seconds left and the outcome largely in hand.

Okay, sure. Maybe the Spurs pull this one out if Parker gets back into the game earlier. Or maybe they don't. But the fact is, the Spurs -- who entered the season as championship contenders -- were facing a team without its best player (Brandon Roy) and its two best centers (King Schlong and the Vanilla Godzilla). All things being equal, shouldn't this have been an easy win for San Antonio?

It would have been if these were the Spurs of old. But they are not. Tim Duncan (15 points, 12 rebounds) was outperformed by LaMarcus Aldridge (28 points, 13 boards). Juwan Howard's mummy (10 points, 5-for-5, 8 rebounds) played better than any of San Antonio's non-Duncan big men. Keith Bogans, Matt Bonner and Michael Finley combined for 28 scoreless minutes. Richard Jefferson finished with 8 points on 3-for-8 shooting.

Speaking of which...is anyone else tired of hearing announcers say that Jefferson "hasn't yet been worked into the mix"? The Spurs are 48 games into the season. What's the holdup? There was a time when San Antonio operated like the Borg, seamlessly assimilating players into their collective. Which is why when they restocked the shelves last summer -- adding Jefferson, Antonio McDyess, DeJuan Blair and Theo Ratliff -- everybody thought the Spurs were going to be okay.

But they aren't. They really aren't. I mean, they're probably good enough to win close to 50 games by beating up on bad teams. But plus-.500 teams have stymied them all season. The Frail Blazers became the second team -- after the Utah Jazz -- to sweep the season series against the Spurs. That never used to happen.

San Antonio has plenty of talent. That's not the problem. And while injuries to Tony Parker and Manu Ginobili have been a popular excuse from San Antonio fans, the fact is the Spurs have lost plenty of games in which their big guns have all been present and accounted for. Including contests in which their opponents have been without one or more of their top guys. Chemistry is a funny thing. Teams either have it or they don't. The Spurs always used to have it. Now? Not so much. And this has been particularly evident down the stretch.

Said Jefferson: "This year we've lost to the Blazers twice without Brandon Roy, lost to Denver without Carmelo. We just haven't played well and hit shots the last six minutes of the game."

I've said it before and I'm saying it again: The Spurs championship era has ended.

The Los Angeles Clippers: So the Clippers...what...fired Mike Dunleavy as their coach while retaining him as their general manager? I mean, I can't blame them in the least. Dumbleavy has been a turrible coach for, well, ever. But...why now? And why keep him around at all? Apparently, for the same reason he relieved of his coaching duties any earlier: To save money. And not some astronomical amount, either. We're talking about $5.5 million. According to USA Today, Clippers owner Donald Sterling was worth $500 million back in 2005. I'm pretty sure he could afford to give the team a completely fresh start, right?

I guess Sterling thinks assistant coach Kim Hughes -- who has been named interim head coach -- can do better than Dumbleavy. Or maybe it's just another cost-saving move. But if that's the case, I ask again, why now? The Clippers could have started over before the season started. You know, maybe give the team a fighting chance. Assuming Sterling even noticed that was necessary.

As J.J. Adande noted on TrueHoop:

[The Clippers] stayed with [Dunleavy] while the team dropped seven of its first 10 games, even though eight of them were played in Staples Center. They stayed with him through a four-game losing streak in January that included a 40-point loss to the Lakers and a blown 13-point lead in the final 15 minutes against the Cavaliers. They even allowed him to finish off this last eight-game road trip after back-to-back losses to New Jersey and Minnesota -- the two worst teams in the league -- in the fourth and fifth games. Maybe Sterling didn’t want to buy another airline ticket for Dunleavy to come home when the charter flights were already paid for.

So the Clippers wound up dropping seven of the eight games and plummeted to seven games below .500. They are seven games behind Portland for the final playoff spot in the Western Conference. Yes, those would be the same Portland Trail Blazers who lost both of their centers for the season, as well as an assortment of injuries that kept out every member of their rotation except Andre Miller and Martell Webster at one stage or another of the season. So that wipes out the injury excuse Dunleavy liked to trot out as often as possible.

Houston started the season without Yao Ming and Tracy McGrady, but the Rockets are still ahead of the Clippers. So is New Orleans, which has had Chris Paul in and out of the lineup. Yes, the Clippers have been hit, most notably by the broken kneecap that kept No. 1 overall draft pick Blake Griffin from playing a single game. But they also have been done in by uninspired play, bad substitution patterns and a general malaise that indicated a lack of confidence in the head coach. If they were going to try to make a run at the playoffs they needed a jumpstart, not the setback that was this final trip under Dunleavy's watch.

Dunleavy hasn't been the answer for a long time. The Clippers seemed to be the last to realize that.

In which case they're probably also be the last to realize that Kim Whateverhisnameis isn't the answer either. But I'm sure they'll be preparing for the NBA Draft lottery by then.

In other words: They are who we thought they were.

On a personal level, I'm sad to see Mike leave the sidelines. Pictures of Dunleavy -- facepalming, looking shocked, looking annoyed, or just plain looking like he has no idea what he's doing out there -- have been a staple of this site for years. So I am hearby challening all Basketbawful readers to scour the Interwebs for the best Dumbleavy pictures you can find. Next week, I will post a special pictorial retrospective of Dunleavey's coaching career with The Other L.A. Team.

Michael Wilbon: The same 'tard who brought us "Kobe Bryant should be the new NBA logo and get Jerry West's old nickname" had another beauty last night, as reported by AnacondaHL: "Oh my God, on PTI did Wilbon just suggest Utah and Memphis switch names? Utah Grizzlies, and Memphis Jazz? WORST OF THE NIGHT."

Get Loud: Presenting -- courtesy of AnacondaHL -- the official theme song of the 2009-10 Sacramento Kings:


Bad baby names: From chris: "In a world where Mario West plays CONTRIBUTORY BASKETBALL...SOME KID WAS NAMED 'ESPN.' Not 'Espen' like the former hockey player, but ESPN as in, the network that brings you mediocrely-produced Association coverage, and the insights of Hubie Brown. Seriously."

Lacktion report: After recovering from his baby name shock, chris submitted his daily lacktivity update:

Heat-Crabs: Jamaal Magloire countered two points with a pair of fouls and a giveaway in 5:41 to earn a 3:2 Voskuhl, while Darnell "Lacktion" Jackson clawed his way into a missed field goal for a +1 suck differential in 2:15!

Spurs-Frail Blazers: Matt Bonner rocketed into riches tonight with a 4.7 trillion (4:42), while Michael Finley found himself filed in the lacktion ledger with a surprising +5 in 6:06 after taking two fouls, losing the rock to Rudy Fernandez on a bad pass, and bricking twice from Pioneer Place (including a potential game-tying shot at the end!!!!).

Labels: Cleveland Cavaliers, Dwyane Wade, Lebron James, Los Angeles Clippers, Miami Heat, Mike Dunleavy Sr., Portland Trail Blazers, San Antonio Spurs, Worst of the Night

Sometimes 146 -- as in points given up -- really is the lonliest number.
The Philadelphia 76ers: The Sixers got what seemed like a pretty favorable matchup last night: the Suns on the second game of back-to-backs at the tail end of a five-game Eastern Conference road trip. Phill even built what looked like a reasonably comfortable 12-point halftime after the Suns came out flat for the first two quarters. Enter Steve Nash, who registered the first 20-20 in points and assists (21 points, 20 assists) since January 2, 2006...when he did it against the Knicks in New York with 28 points and 22 assists. But of course, Mike D'Antoni -- who's currently coaching the Knicks -- made Nash. Nash was nothing before D'Antoni coached him. Why, Chris Duhon put up Nash-like numbers last season. Okay, was my sarcasm obvious? I hope so.

Anyway, Phoenix outscored the Sixers 65-49 in the second half to take a 119-115 victory. So much for fatigue, huh? Nash, of course, ran the rally, scoring 9 of his points in the third quarter and then dishing two critical assists to Jason Richardson (who converted a three-point play and dropped in a layup) to turn a 106-106 tie to a 113-108 lead with about a minute and a half left to go. That was pretty much the game.

Said Andre Iguodala: "We should have had it. We were up and couldn't hold it."

Bawful note: Jared Dudley helped burn Philly with 18 points on 6-for-7 shooting (4-for-5 from downtown). Not to keep blowing Nash or anything, but Jared Dudely scored 18 critical points. But I suppose Mike D'Antoni is responsible for that, too.

Elton Brand: The 80 Million Dollar Man contributed 10 points, 2 rebounds and a plus-minus score of -5 in 21 minutes of PT. Sadly (for Philly fans), the Sixers might have won if Elton had only played as well as Jared Dudley (who also had 5 boards and 3 steals). And how's this for a damning statistic: the 76ers fell to 16-20 in games in Elton Brand has played...whereas they're 28-25 in the games he's missed. A bargain at just under $14 million per year. Clippers fans rejoice!

More from Brand-themed bawful from Clifton:

From the AP recap of the Suns-Sixers game:

...Elton Brand also had 10 for Philadelphia.

"It's a little frustrating not to get the win," Brand said. "We need W's."

Brand: 21 minutes, 4-of-8 from the field and 2 FT's for 10 big points, 2 boards, 1 assist; he left the game with 4:30 to go in the 3rd, never to return. I'm sure it's "a little frustrating" to the rest of the team when your "star" puts up numbers like that.

The New York Knicks: Despite being coached by The Man Who Made Steve Nash, the Bricks fell to 1-7 after losing at home to a struggling Utah Jazz squad that floundered into Madison Square Garden at 2-4. New York shot only 43 percent for the game, shanked eight free throws and missed 21 of their 29 three point attempts. Notable non-contributors included Chris "I'm no Steve Nash" Duhon (8 points, 2-for-7, 4 assists, -15) and Big Shot Larry Hughes (3-for-12). The win snapped Utah's five-game losing streak at MSG. Said Carlos Boozer: "I don't think I'd won here since I've been in a Jazz uniform. It's good to get a win here." I bet Boozer also enjoys beating little girls at Candy Land, which is only slightly harder than beat the Knicks at home these days.

Said D'Antoni: "We just tried to make them play a different game. Kirilenko got hot and that's something that hurt us. But I thought we tried. We had energy and we were active." The New York Knicks: Leading the League in Moral Victories! Not to be confused with actual victories.

Statistical note: D'Antoni's "Run 'N Gun" Bricks have scored only 90 PPG over their last four games.

The Toronto Raptors: Not only have the Spurs kinda-sorta sucked this season, they were without the services of Tim Duncan (ankle, extreme old age) and Tony Parker (ankle, extreme Frenchness). Never fear...the Craptors are here! Despite shooting 60 percent from the field and 64 percent (11-for-17) from downtown, the Mighty Dinos lost by giving up 131 points to a San Antonio squad missing its two best players. The Spurs shot 44 free throws (mmmm, home cookin'!) and got 18 points out of...Matt Bonner?! Hell, right before halftime, Bonner swooped in for a two-handed jam. Yes, failing to defend the Red Rocket helped croak the Craptors. DEFENSIVE FAIL.


Said Chris Bosh: "You can't give them any confidence. We did the opposite, we gave them confidence." You also did the opposite of winning, Chris. I'm just sayin'.

The Minnesota Timberwolves: To say the Golden State Warriors have been struggling lately is kind of like saying that Michael Bay could benefit from a Movie Making 101 class. (Seriously, Michael, you gave Devastator a nutsack in Transformers II? Really?! Oh ha fucking ha. Balls are always funny! Would you like to take a huge, steaming dump on any more of my childhood memories? God, I hate you, Michael Bay.) Anyway, considering the circumstances -- playing a truly craptastic team that was fresh off humilating beatdowns by the Clippers and Kings -- you'd have thought the T-Pups had a chance in this one. And if by "chance" you meant "giving up 146 points and losing by 41," you would have been 100 percent correct. This smackdown was so torturous that President Obama is considering canceling the rest of Minnesota's games forever.

It hurts...
The Warriors blistered Minny with 57 percent shooting (52 from beyond the arc) and earned 38 foul shots. Golden State scored 42 points off the fast break and notched 66 points in the paint. Moreover, the Warriors scored 47 points off the 28 turnovers the Timberpups committed. Seriously, this beating was so bad, I half-expected an ancient-looking Al Jefferson to drive up in a DeLorean with Christopher Lloyd and say, "Oh no, Doc! We were too late! WE WERE TOO LATE!"

It really hurts...
For the record, the 146 points is the most by Golden State since April Fool's Day in 1994 when the Warriors also had 146 points...against the Minnesota Timberwolves. (Historical note: The T-Wolves' starting lineup back then was Isaiah Rider, Christian Laettner, Chuck Person, Michael Williams and Stacey King. Doug West and Thurl Baily were coming off the bench. The team went 20-62. So, really, Minnesota fans...things have been worse! Sort of!) The Warriors also snatched 22 steals, which was the team's most in a single game since 1989.

Please, just make it stop...
Said Minny coach Kurt "Clothelined" Rambis: "We've maintained from the beginning this is going to be a process, this is not something that's going to turn around in the first 10 games of the regular season. We knew we were going to take some lumps. Until we have an idea of a nice starting unit and a set rotation where guys can feel comfortable and when they're going to play, we're probably going to continue to play up and down and be inconsistent." Wow. That's like General Custer saying he knew he was going to be slaughtered at the Little Big Horn.

No, really, are we done yet...?
Don Nelson, cold, hard reality machine: It's safe to say Nellie wasn't exactly impressed by his team's merciless thrashing of a helpless opponent: "You have to understand that our two wins were against teams that are struggling so I wouldn't make too much out of it."

Stephen Jackson: Even some unnamed teammates want Captain Jack out of Oakland. Important question, though: does any other NBA team want the headache? Maybe he and Allen Iverson can retire together.

The Los Angeles Clippers: Whew! And here I was starting to wonder if they were who we thought they were. After scraping up a couple surprising victories -- and let's face it, every Clippers win is a surprise -- the Other L.A. Team returned to their losing ways, falling by 28 at home to a bawful Hornets team that, lately, has been getting dissected more cruelly than a Michael Bay movie. (By the way, Pearl Harbor sucked ass.) And it's not like the Hornets played great. The Clippers just sucked.

Said Chris Kaman: "We didn't come mentally prepared for this game, and that's why we lost. ... Nobody played great for us." Well, that's a prime candidate for Understatement of the Year. Or the decade. Or the last-half century.

Added Mike Dunleavy (a.k.a. the predicted 2009-10 Coach of the Year): "We stopped doing the things that have been so good for us so far. We've been moving the ball and getting good shots for ourselves, but we missed some guys that were open, and didn't share the ball as well." Translation: "We suck long and hard. Fire me. Please, God, fire me."

More Clippers-related bawfulry from NarSARSsist:

Let's not neglect to give a shout out to the Clippers' bawesome, bawesome defense, as they held Devin Brown to a mere 25 points on 8-for-14 shooting. This is Brown's highest output since April 10, 2007, when he played -- you guessed it -- the Clippers. Those who fail to learn from history are doomed to repeat it.

Lacktion Report: There were some lacktating NBAers who had a real case of the Mondays...as Chris points out:

Suns-Sixers: As the post-Shaq, post-Marion, post-D'Antoni Suns keep rolling, the important contributions of non-contributors become more key in an effort to preserve leads and confirm victories. Jarron Collins's 1.95 trillion serves as the first piece of evidence that Phoenix IS for real this season! Could he be this year's Jud Buechler!?

Jazz-Knicks: Jordan Hill's 1.9 trillion may be enough for him to finally afford a nosebleed seat at MSG.

Raptors-Spurs: Gregg Popovich will be in the Hall of Fame due to his tendency to mostly avoid winning Coach of the Year awards, and tossing the Paperboy cartridge to Malik Hairston is one example of his successful coaching style, as that led Hairston to a 54-second Mario.

Wolves-Warriors: Minnesota's Ryan Hollins repudiated lacktivity on the surface by making one out of two field goal attempts in 18:36; however, five fouls and a giveaway against those two points and a couple of boards led to a 6:4 Voskuhl.

Hornets-Clippers: DeAndre Jordan attempted to go AWOL on the ledger with a one-shot 100% shooting percentage in 14:13, but the addition of two boards could not ultimately stop the negative momentum of fouling four times and giving up the rock thricely for a 7:4 Voskuhl. (Conversely, fellow Clipper Kareem Rush ruined a potential suck differential score by somehow jumping into the path of a New Orleans field goal attempt.)

DeAndre thus is the fourth player in the Association this season to rack up multiple Voskuhls, after Jarron Collins, Hasheem Thabeet, and Nazr Mohammed.

Labels: Don Nelson, Golden State Warriors, Los Angeles Clippers, Mike Dunleavy Sr., Minnesota Timberwolves, New York Knicks, Philadelphia 76ers, Toronto Raptors

Mike "Dumbleavy" Coach of the Year? It could totally happen. Trust me.
Samahn from Italia wrote in to say: "I saw this and immediately thought of 'bawful. Special wag of the finger goes to Chris Sheridan and Royce Webb of ESPN.com for predicting that Mike Dunleavy will get Coach of the Year. Wow...I'm speachless. This is the same guy who, well, you know. Please but shame on these two ESPN writers and forever ingrave them in the 'bawful archives!

Actually, that preduction may not be too far out there. Let's look at some recent CoY recipients:

1. Mike Brown (2008-09): Subsequently outcoached in the Eastern Conference Finals, marking one of the only times in league history a team had both the MVP and the Coach of the Year yet failed to reach the NBA Finals.

2. Sam Mitchell (2006-07): Subsequently fired by the Raptors only 17 games into the 2008-09 season after a 39-point loss to the Denver Nuggets.

3. Avery Johnson (2005-06): Subsequently fired following the 2007-08 season because the Mavs needed a fresh start. I'm sure those three consecutive humiliating playoff losses had nothing whatsoever to do with it.

4. Mike D'Antoni (2004-05): Subsequently "allowed to pursue employment opportunities elsewhere" by the Suns following the 2008-09 season and yet another painful playoff loss to the San Antonio Spurs.

4. Hubie Brown (2003-04): Subsequently retired 12 games into the 2004-05 season because, dear lord, the man is an ancient mummy creature! And why spend your twilight years coaching the Grizzlies, you know?

5. Rick Carlisle (2001-02): Subsequently fired after the 2002-03 season so the Pistons could hire Larry Brown...and win the 2004 NBA title.

6. Doc Rivers (1999-00): Subsequently fired during the 2003-04 season after his Magic squad started the year 1-10. Note that he continued to suck in Boston until Kevin Garnett and Ray Allen arrived to save him.

7. Mike Dunleavy (1998-99): And we come full circle! Subsequently fired after the 2000-01 season. From the actual press release: "Mike Dunleavy was dismissed as coach of the Portland Trail Blazers tonight, taking the fall for an underachieving team that failed to win a playoff game despite an NBA-record $89.7 million payroll."

Did I mention that Jerry Sloan still hasnt' won a Coach of the Year award despite a 1137-751 (.602) record and 12 50-win seasons? Oh, and in 21 years of coaching in Utah, the Jazz have have a losing record exactly...once.

So, to sum up, the state of the NBA Coach of the Year award is an absolute joke. As such, it would not surprise me in the least if Mike Dunleavy won it this year...and was subsequently fired within two seasons. After all, as you can see, history tends to repeat itself.

Labels: Avery Johnson, Coach of the Year, Mike Brown, Mike D'Antoni, Mike Dunleavy Sr., Sam Mitchell

Our fearless lacktion reporter Chris sent me the link to this hyper-awesome Mike Dunleavy Twitter page. However, I must warn you: It's not real...it's BETTER than real. (Kind of like how the infamous El Guapo was MORE than famous.)

Here's a sampling:

Labels: fake stuff, Mike Dunleavy Sr., Twitter

By now, you've probably heard all about Zach Randolph's latest bastardization of basketball. (For further reading, go to ClipperBlog or see Bill Simmons' A dumbfounding night in the 'Dumbleavy Era'.) It boggles the mind and bends the imagination. So what's the deal? Is Randolph selfish, stupid, or just a hopelessly overconfident SWAC?

Or...could it be that we're looking at this whole situation the wrong way? Maybe Z-Bo perceives the world in a way we can't comprehend. Perhaps Zach got caught in an Intrinsic Field Subtractor -- ala Dr. Manhatten from The Watchmen -- and became a kind of a quantum NBA player, and his corresponding inability to perceive time in a linear fashion has caused him to grow increasingly distant from his team, the league and humanity in general. And that kind of cold and remorseless indifference would certainly explain his bizarre shot selection...

Labels: bizarre shot selection, gratuitous comic book references, Mike Dunleavy Sr., The Watchmen, Zach Randolph

Editor's note: Since the lacktion reports have been increasing in popularity and awesomeness, they will now be getting their own posts...until our lacktion reporter gets tired of doing them.

Sixers-Hornets: Marreese Speights, the Sixers' most recent first round draft pick, has been productive in recent stints. However, since Elton Brand's recovery, the Sixers have been bent on including the ex-Clipper deadweight on the court to slow down the game and make it easier for other teams to grab victory off of the Comcast Turtles' Conveyor Belt of Fail. (Anyone who has seen one of those annoying commercials will know this reference all too well.)

So with Brand firmly re-inserted into the lineup as the human jaws of defeat, Speights had to change his focus from contributing to the uptempo offense during Elton's absence to earning notability through the lacktion writeup. Two fouls and 3:02 later, he proudly achieved a +2, which involved much less masonry than Elton's statline (three missed shots, compounded by two turnovers!).

Sadly, in this case, lacktion was much more of a positive contribution than a Big Free Agent Signing's start.

Update! Wow. Immediately after Marreese Speights had his first taste of lacktion for 2009, Bill Simmons goes out and declares him underrated, putting him in the same company as Millsap, Durant and...Manny Ramirez? Huh?

Blazers-Clippers: Channing Frye served as Portland's human victory cigar against The Team That Is Who We Thought It Was, scoring a beautiful 1.9 trillion at Staples Center in the midst of a 25-point win. Conversely, Mike Dunleavy's squad of castoffs all demonstrated why they are not on professionally-operated basketball teams, as three bench jockeys managed to ruin exemplary runs of coldness with insignificant contributions.

Jason Hart trashed an eight-minute run of one foul by tossing the ball to a scoring teammate for an exasperating assist, while Ricky Davis let a missed shot land onto his palms for a brick-and-foul negating rebound, the same problem Cheikh Samb had. Samb (the focal point of the Iverson/Billups trade -- at least for lacktion enthusiasts) bungled a two-brick non-performance in nearly five minutes with the aforementioned board.

And now up on Deadspin: Cheikh Samb gets posterized!


About the author: Chris is a Sacramento resident and Bay Area native who is surrounded by all forms of bawful, from The Oracle to Arco Arena (or whatever barn the Maloofs can milk the most profit from in the near future). After all, when you live in a town in which an ex-trillionare champion (John Salmons) is the home team's starter, is there much to be expected on the positive front? No. So Chris has made it his goal to become the Bill James or Hubie Brown of lacktivity, seeing how abundant it has become in Northern California. Outside of his life as a lacktion statistician, he follows a random collection of other sports (auto racing, ice hockey, snooker, boxing)...

Labels: Channing Frye, Cheikh Samb, Comcast Turtles, Elton Brand, guest author, lacktion report, Los Angeles Clippers, Marreese Speights, Mike Dunleavy Sr., Philadelphia 76ers, Portland Trail Blazers