Indiana Pacers:  The Best Kept Secret decided to keep their offense a secret in the first half, scoring a whopping 31 points (while letting their opponent rack up a 20 point halftime lead). The bench was a sparkling 6-for-22 from the field (1-for-6 from long distance). Of course, hope was not lost, because they had the good fortune to be playing…

…The Generals:  Who decided that they had done enough scoring in the first half and made only 11 field goals in the second. They gave up three offensive rebounds in the final minute to a guy who had dislocated a finger in the previous quarter. And, in the most General-ly way possible, they lost the game when Wall decided to put up the game-tying shot (which was successful) after the game clock had run out. Enjoy the clip here (fast-forward to the 1:27 mark) -



Fortunately, Wall was kind enough to throw his teammates under the bus, with the following quote:

"I tried to create something," Wall said, "but there wasn't enough spacing for me to create."

I'm not sure what Wall was seeing, since his teammates seemed to be running the four corners offense without the ball. Maybe if he hadn't dribbled from the foul line to 30 feet from the hoop back to foul line in the final three seconds, he might have had time to get the shot off before the buzzer.

Wizards basketball: It's FAAAAAN-tastic!!!!!

The Clippers:  Are they becoming the team we always thought they were, but then thought they weren't, but now we think they are again? Chris Paul does understand that he doesn't still play for the Hornets, right? Maybe he should have done all the fancy handshakes and bro-hugs before the game instead of during (five personal fouls). The Clips did have a three point lead going into the fourth quarter, but then somebody messed with the rims or something, because they shot an outstanding 4-for-23 in the final quarter. Overall, they shot less than 40% from the field, less than 20% from 3-point range, and less than 65% from the line. It's like they decided to be the opposite of Steve Nash.

Jason Smith: 


    Sheesh, I think Smith would have been whistled for two minutes for boarding if he tried this stunt in the NHL. According to Smith, he was just trying to cut off his lane to the basket. You know, by hip-checking him from behind.

DeAndre Jordan:  With the shot clock running down, everyone knows that DeAndre Jordan is the guy you want taking the shot. Assuming, of course, that "everyone" means "the opposing team".  I may not be the best player in the world, but I can hit the rim from three feet away. Alas, that was too much to ask of Mr. Jordan. (yes, I know he hit his other seven shots, but c'mon…)

Golden State:  One game after snapping a four-game losing streak, the Tru Wariers decided there was no time like the present to start a new one. They were only down eight at the half, but were outscored 53-36 in the second half to lose going away. Outrebounded 48-31, nobody on the team had more than six rebounds. To rub salt in the wound, Samuel Dalembert had this to say after the game:

"I saw an opportunity to go in and just go out there and kill them on the boards."

When Dalembert is licking his chops at the prospect of rebounding against you, you know you've got a problem.

Chase Budinger:  0-for-7 in 26 minutes is no way to go through a game against the Warriors, son.

Milwaukee Bucks:  That crashing sound you heard was the Bucks' six game winning streak ending. Of course, since they were playing the Celtics instead of the Little Sisters of the Poor like they had been for the past half-dozen games, it wasn't that much of a surprise. Also not a surprise:  Ellis shooting 6-for-18. Hey, his position ain't "making guard".

Memphis Grizzlies:  Fighting for a playoff spot against a team that had lost eight games this month by double digits (and an average deficit of 20 points in those losses), the Care Bears lost. They did this despite having more points in the paint, more fastbreak points, more rebounds, and fewer turnovers. They just picked a bad time to let Portland make every shot (literally) from the free-throw line. C'mon, Grizzlies, you gotta put a hand in the face at all times. You can't give them that much space when they're shooting from the charity stripe!

Mormon Musicians:  They got dominated on the boards (giving up 18 and 15 to Cousins and Thompson, respectively), gave up 70 points in the paint and went only 3-for-17 from deep. Jamaal Tinsley had the Tinsley-est game ever (3-for-10 with eight assists and one turnover). Down the stretch, they went almost nine minutes without making a field goal, but escaped with a win when Devin "Playoffs" Hester airballed a shot that Jefferson gathered and put in with less than a second to play. Of course, Harris claimed that it was a pass all along. I do that in my pickup games and nobody believes me there, either.

Excremento Kings:  Of course the Kings lost this one. Despite so many stats  (12-for-21) being in their favor, I just can't figure out how they could have let this one slip away  (12-for-21).  Maybe I should take a (12-for-21) closer look at the box score. Hmmm, I wonder how they shot from the free throw line? In a one-point game. I wonder.

Keith Smart:   Assessed for a technical foul in the fourth quarter while your opponent is struggling to score. In a one-point game. That's not smart, Keith!

Darko Milicic:

Labels: Blake Griffin, guest author, Jason Smith, Worst of the Night

(Thanks again to Raza for coming through and putting a bit more effort than Quincy Pondexter did on the court last night!!!)

Labels: guest author, one trillion, Quincy Pondexter, Raza, Worst of the Night

(Thanks again to guest author Raza for stepping up in the clutch, in other words, not being John Starks.)

New Jersey Nyets:  Have a 29-11 free throw advantage at home? Check  


Manage a 13 point lead? Check  


Allow one of the least efficient volume shooters in the league (Brandon Jennings) who barely cracks shooting 40% from the floor go for 34 points on while shooting 52% on the floor thus losing the game?  More Checks


New Orleans Hornets:  Yikes! Losing to a team that shot 0-12 from the 3 point land and only had 3 players hit double figures (highest of which was just 15) is bad enough.  But when I tell you that the team they lost to was the infamous Charlotte Bobcats.....well then, you can see why Eric Gordon has given up on the season with injuries so he can write his own version of Weezer's "Pinkerton" instead of spending another minute in uniform for the woe are we Hornets.  
I get that losing to Chicago is nothing to frown about (even though they were without Deng) but this team is in such disarray that rumors have been reported about the team trying to offload Melo, Amare (non-insured contract, good luck with that!), and perhaps even Chandler (though it would probably take a Howard type player to make that happen).  But, at least the signing of JR Smith was a good idea right?  Especially when you have to deal with him doing this before and after games.
I mean, JaVale McGee missed not one but two dunks, and judging by his top 8 plays of all time, that could be the norm:

Labels: Carmelo Anthony, guest author, JaVale McGee, LOL Nyets, Raza, Worst of the Night

Editor's Note -- Today's WOTN is by guest author Raza. Big thanks to him for recapping one of the more ridiculous, bawful days in recent memory. Give him some love in the comments if you enjoy the post as much as I did.

Hawks at Heat: It was the 3rd quarter and the Hawks looked to be in control with a 10 point lead and Miami playing some pretty uninspired ball.  Then, in typical Hawks fashion, they let the game slip away faster than Lebron's hairline.

Said Spoelstra: "Sometimes you have to win them ugly, and that was ugly there for a while."

Pretty sure he was talking about Mike Miller's face.

And Welcome back Chris Bosh, who made his presence felt by going 3-14 from the floor. Way to be like a Bosh, Chris!

Grizzlies at Warriors: Memphis has now won 11 of their last 13. The key to success?  Get a chance to play the lowly Warriors.

Said lockdown defender Tony Allen: "Looking at the way these guys were just locked in on the bus, nobody was really saying too much," said Allen, who had 12 points and six rebounds. "Wasn't nobody talking about no TV shows that was on before. Wasn't nobody talking about anything that didn't have to do with the game, and I kind of noticed that. The focus was from way before the game, and it carried over."

And clearly wasn't nobody talking about his grammar (or lack thereof).

Despite the hoopla around hiring Mark Jackson, the Warriors have now lost 4 of their 6 and will fail to make the playoffs this year.

The more things change, the more they stay the same.

Celtics at 76ers: Just when you thought the Celtics were back and Rondo was trying to stick it to Ainge for threatening to trade, our faltering 2012 Celtics are back baby!  Getting pummeled by a struggling Sixers team for a 32 point whooping.

"We just didn't have it," Celtics coach Doc Rivers said. "We missed shot after shot and nothing was working. But give them credit. They were organized and they played really well. They're a good team and we just didn't fight through it."

Something tells me we'll be hearing a lot more of that from him this year.

Lakers at Wizards Generals: *whistles* oh boy.

You'd think after blowing a game to Detroit that the Lakers would try to get back on track and destroy the lowly Wizards.....and they did.....for two quarters anyway.

And then Kobe happened.  Going 9-31 from the field Kobe shot the Lakers out of this game as they fell apart in the fourth after "nursing" a 76-55 lead.

From ESPN:

"There is growing concern among some Lakers players as to whether first-year coach Mike Brown and his staff have the X-and-O wherewithal to fix a Lakers offense that is averaging its lowest per-game point total (94) since before the advent of the 24-second shot clock in 1954-55. Brown's effect on the Lakers' defense has been undeniable, but sources say the team's ongoing struggles on the road -- with L.A. dropping to 6-14 away from Staples Center following a loss in Detroit and blowing a 21-point lead to the undisciplined Wizards -- have some veterans longing for a return to the trusty Triangle offense preferred by Brown's predecessor, Phil Jackson."

Well, the Mike Brown's old Cavs team used play excellent D, but on offense it was gtfo Lebron's way while everyone else stood around.  Here it seems more like gtfo out of obe's wya and watch the losses pile up.

I mean, you've got two 7 footers who shot 6-11 (Gasol) and 6-8 (Bynum) so why not give it to the masked mamba to go 9-31.  This makes sense right?

"When our backs are against the wall," Young of the Wizards said, "you can't do nothing but go up."

Tell that to the Lakers.

Rockets at Craptors: Remember when the Rockets were on Cloud 9 and battling for a Top 5 spot in the West?  Yeah, well reality has sunk in and they have now lost 5 in a row.

"We're playing basketball. We're not doing an eight-hour shift or 12-hour shift in the mine," McHale said. "We just looked a half step slow. There were loose balls, we didn't get any of them. That just caught up with us."

Well maybe they ought to go work in a mine and see if they can find their game.  Would probably take longer than a 12 hour shift.  Just sayin'

Jazz at Bobcraps: Yes, the Jazz won, but only by 6 points to a team that is striving to be one of the worst in NBA history.  Somewhere out there Anthony Davis is trembling about his future team.

Bulls at Bucks: Normally I would go on and on about how awful (and injured) Rip has been this season, but when you can get late game heroics like this:


You can overlook the negatives.

Amazing shot by Rose who continues to have another great season.

"What a luxury to have, you don't even need to run a play," Skiles said. "You can just bring it in, throw it to a guy and he can get whatever shot he wants."

Sounds like Mike Brown's entire offensive playbook right there.

Clippers at Nets: Well, there was all this hype about landing Chris Paul and getting Billups, but can we take a second to discuss just how bawful the Clippers D has been this year?  Yes, they rallied to make the game close, but this is against the Nets people.  Who only won for the 4th time at home all year.

Check out the defense on Jordan Farmar's game winner right here:


With Vinny D as head coach (only by title, rumor has it he just plays Tic Tac Toe and MASH on his clipboard during games) would anyone be surprised if these guys get a brutal 1st round match up and fade away?

Suns at Thunder: Phoenix looked great for 3 quarters, all the hopes of giving OKC just their second loss at home was on the horizon.  And then...well they are still the PHX Suns we all know and love despite Nash's best efforts as the Thunder took control in the fourth to grab the win.

"We never think that way, especially at home. I always think that we can come back," said Durant "I mean the refs love us"

At least, that's what I heard he said.

Knicks at Spurs: Remember how crazy the Linsanity train was?  Well, thanks to Melo, he has effectively killed it.  What a mess in NYC, you've got a coach who should probably be coaching division 1 girls basketball and surrendering his moustache to Tom Selleck, and two franchise players who are complete black holes on offense.  After winning 7 straight, the Knickerbockers have now fallen back to the 8th seed in the East and are in danger of missing the playoffs.

"I don't know. I really can't answer that," Anthony said. "I really can't put a finger on it." in regards to what is wrong with his offensive role on the Knicks.  He continues to make shifty eye gestures to this day.

"(The Spurs) don't have nearly enough talent to compete with us," Stoudemire said. "Our personnel, our talent is off the charts."

If that's the case, then what good is talent without a brain?  Because Amare didn't get the memo.

As for the Spurs, just when they got everyone healthy, they lost TJ Ford to another injury.  But have no fear, SUPER MANU is back (17 points, 6 assists, 70% shooting) and along with Duncan (17 points) and Parker continuing his MVP like play (32 points) to keep the #2 seed in the West on lock.

Pop was so disgusted with the Knicks who voluntarily got himself ejected with the Spurs up 22 so he could hit up a wine bar.  He hasn't reported back to the team since.

Cavaliers at Nuggets: Six straight losses for the Cavs, and then Kyrie Irving took over.   But despite all that, this just might be the greatest (or weirdest?) goaltending ever:


A double dunk ladies and gentlemen!

Labels: guest author, Raza, Worst of the Night

[Ed. note -- Guest post today from The Other Chris, channeling his inner poet. When your kids are cranky and restless tonight, be sure to read them any story other than this one. They'd be too wired and giddy with anticipation for the Christmas night Frail Blazers/Warriors game to go to sleep otherwise. Merry Christmas everyone! -Dan B.]


'Twas the night before Christmas,

And all through Eddie's House,

Not a player liked Sterling,

That cheap racist louse.

The stockings were hung way up high by Yinka Dare,

Ready for booty from the new CBA, like winnin' the lottery,

The out-of-wedlock baby mamma children were snug in their beds,

Their daddies caroused strip joints, not a care in their heads,

And Craig Sager in a stupid suit, while Jackson and Arenas bust caps,

Sternly, anyone who whines this year is rewarded with a slap,

When out in Rose Garden there arose such a clatter,

It was the sound of Frail Blazers knees, they had collectively shattered!!!

Away to the rescue flew D-Wade the Flash!

But to South Beach came LeBron and Bosh, for a little less cash.

Tore down the rim and with authorit-ah, Blake did smash!

The Moon confounds us with Bawful, much like once did The Snow

There's no lustre left in the Leastern, so many teams that blow.

When, what to my wondering League Pass should appear,

But the lumbering undead corpse of Erik Dampier!

With Boykins still playing, so little and quick,

I knew in a moment this season would be sick.

More vapid than Britney, The King's TV games,

But vying for the title, all of the big names:

"Now Garnett! Now Allen! Now Pierce, now Rondo!"

"If any of you get injured, your title hopes are gonzo!"

"On Williams! On Rose! On Jennings! On Paul!"

"There's a new kid in town, his name is John Wall!"

As The Answer out of the NBA and to Turkey did fly,

Like David Thompson, players these days can walk the sky,

So up to the top, the Lakers they flew

With zombie Fish, and Kobe, and crazy Artest, too.

And then in a twinkling, I heard there was proof.

That the ancient Spurs aren't done, they also plan to raise the roof.

As Drew joined yet another team, with weird head hair and lots of rebounds,

Tumbling down came the Bucks, the Deer have been bound.

They dress all in fur, these millionares, and never go by foot,

Except maybe Matt Booner, covered in smog and soot.

A gaggle of Bulls follow Derrick, as he attacks the rack,

A rich history of glory, they want to go back.

Their eyes - how they twinkle! Even the Paupers, they're merry!

At least the NBA doesn't have to put up with Don Fucking Cherry!

Draftees usually rock a suit, but for Noah it's a bow,

No matter, he's good; watch out, Pierce, thunder down below!

Red, iconic with a cigar clamped in his teeth,

The Celtics, loved and hated, keep piling up the wreaths.

With broad faces and even broader bellies,

The likes of Diaw and Davis need to lay off the damn jelly,

With Oden once again laid up on the shelf,

Probably, after dong pic, though "I shoulda stopped myself".

With a wink of his eye, there goes little Luther Head,

Banished to Sacramento, the land of the walking dead.

Arenas speaks no more, he just goes straight to work.

Too bad his shot and his game have gone completely beserk.

Last year in the Finals it was the Lake Show by a nose;

But everyone reloaded, gunning for the overthrow.

Like legions of homers, cringing at a late whistle.

The Raptors, Cavs and Warriors can fit their hopes in a thistle.

But as Marv Albert exclaimed, at another spectacular sight:

"There's always hope for you sad sacks; just wait for draft night!!"

Labels: guest author, Merry Christmas everybody, The Night Before Basketbawful Christmas

Hey Bawfulites - this is one of my few ever actual entries on Bawful. Usually I'm too busy and lazy to contribute directly, but Bawful browbeat me with merciless texts until I capitulated in tears. As a sidenote, I like basketball, but I'm not the pro that many are here with stats, history, etc. So if you want an in-depth analysis, look elsewhere. I just went as a fan of basketball and Basketbawful.

At any rate, I knew I was in for a real treat when I realized that I had Friday evening free for a Friday-Saturday student conference for which I was serving as the advisor. I went to get tickets for the Sixers versus the Cavaliers, and as an experiment there were 6-seat blocks of tickets in every single section. Last time Bawful and I hit a Bullies game on short notice, it was like trying to find a clean hooker in Cuba. (We found tickets, but they weren't ones we wanted). But no matter, we got upper deck seats behind the benches at half court. And my anticipation began.

When we got there the crowd was electric. I mean, the little 6-year old dropping f-bombs to his mom was really excited. And the girls signing us up for credit cards just after the gate were so excited they actually grabbed one of my students after he said, "No thanks." Ahh, it was good to be back in Philly. We went ahead and proceeded to our seats, about 15 minutes before the tip. So we could beat the crowd and get settled.

We made it.
I thought I was in a new episode for The Walking Dead . The emptiness was nightmarish. The only folks around were the Hare Raisers and the "Fans of the Game". In case you're too lazy to click that first link, they're the acrobatic posse for Hip-Hop, the least memorable mascot in the world. The PA system was blaring all sorts of gangster rap, which I think was targeted to the young, African-American population that wasn't coming to the game. Because they've got more standards than I do.

The teams finally come out to warm up, and it looked promising for a bawful game. The Cavs literally just did ten solid minutes of slow-motion layups. No jumpers. No dunks. Just boring layups. Fast forward past half-assed Hare Raiser shenanigans and a decent national anthem (thanks for printing the words -- I had a moment of patriotic despair when I realized we need to karaoke our own national anthem), and we were then treated to the best part of the game. The pre-game video.

I had honestly forgotten the entire legacy of the 76ers. I generally think of Barkley, Dr. J and Wilt. Of course Iverson was in that movie too, but they included scenes of Moses Malone, Maurice Cheeks, Billy Cunningham, Hal Greer, Dolph Schayes, World B. Free (how could I forget him?), Darryl Dawkins, George McGinnis, and Doug Collins. Sorry folks. No Shawn Bradley. But seriously, the 76ers have quite a long history, especially if you go back to their Syracuse days and beyond. No matter how bawful they get, you can't take that away from them.

The game opens and of course neither Varejao nor Hawes can get it on first jump. It pretty much falls onto Varejao who quickly bats it away before it gets stuck in his Jerry Curls. And the next 12 minutes convinces me that if defense was not included in the ticket price. Mo Williams was just waltzing to the basket with abandon, and Varejao was getting easy boards and putbacks. Oh, and flops. After Holiday hit him at about 6 MPH, Varejao flew out of the paint like a wad of wet paper towels out of a PVC potato cannon. At this point I text bawful that the Cavs are up by 20 in the FIRST QUARTER and that Varejao is flopping. "Natch" is the reply.

The other best part of the evening then took place. CRAB FRIES! What better awesome treat for the Craboliers game? Seriously. I'm a right fat bastard compared to most of you. I like my food. And when I die in the sack at 65 it is a conscious choice! So the crab fries were totally on my radar as my only source for dinner that night. The only sad part was that since I was advising students, no beer for me. I guess it did keep the tab down. Oh, and in PA we have Yuengling: America's oldest beer. It is so much better that Barfweiser or Miller Diarrheal that it's my gold standard throughout the year. If you ever get the chance, do it. But, sadly, I passed and instead reached for an ice, cold, root beer.

During this time the announcer must have drunk the purple Kool-Aid, because he officially died worse than the defense in the game. At one point, Jamario Moon made a wide-open jumper, and the only thing over the PA was a strange mix of Ben Stein and Bob Thornton from Slingblade: "Jamario. Moon." The Sixers though, started battling back. I think it was less of a desire to win and more of a lack of understanding that they were even down 20. The Cavs started missing a few more shots due to the smell of the Crab Fries, and at half the Sixers were only down about 10.

Here's where I realized that some teams are in sorry financial shape. The last few games I’ve been at have been in Chicago, where they can afford such awesome hits as Duo Design. The Sixers ran three "follow the peanut" games on the scoreboard and had two contestants try to hit jumpers from the layup position (worth $2), free throw ($3) and a three-pointer ($5). They had three minutes. The winner won $10 to $3. And despite all of that, it was still better than Duo Design.

I just can't reference Duo Design. Instead,I'll post the reaction to our contestants.
The third quarter made it seem like the Sixers cared about winning. Elton Brand started coming over the PA more and more. I did a rough calculation – I figured his contract was about $15 mil this year (good guess – it’s $15,979,099). With the math on my cell phone, I figured he was getting paid about $183 K for this game. Each time his name got called, it was worth anywhere from $9 to $16 thousand dollars. Freaking SlingBen Stein on the PA was making me depressed. I then noticed Holiday was having a holiday on the Cavs. Who is Holiday? I don’t even know this guy. As a little perspective, he’s making $1.6 mil this year. Every time his name got called he was making a little more than $1,000 dollars each time. And by the hustle in the game, *he’s* the one that should have been paid 10 times the amount of other players.

Thank god for the 4th quarter though, because surely the magnets that held down defender’s shoes would be turned off. Right? RIGHT? Well, the first two quarters of the game the Cavs put up 34 and 27 points, and then bricked their way to 18 points in the third quarter. If Philly could just keep them to about 24-25 points, they can score more than the 6 they need to win! Or, instead, they forget all about defense and treat the lane like it’s Vault 87.. Daniel Gibson and Mo Williams were waltzing in the lane constantly. And, in a way that only a team anchored by Elton Brand can do, the Sixers proceeded to stand around more aggressively to give up 44 points in the fourth and lose the game.

Overall, I felt like I spent $45 bucks for a good pick-up game. There were almost no set plays, awful defense, and bewildered guys just hoping to get back on the bench for their own Crab Fries. But one thing about NBA games that I can always appreciate, is the parts of the game you only get to see live.

Labels: BadDave, Cleveland Cavaliers, guest author, Philadelphia 76ers

UPDATES!: ATL, BOS, CHA, DAL, DEN, HOU, MEM, MIA, MIL, MIN, ORL, PHO, SAS, UTA, WAS, and all teams 2010-11 salaries double checked!


July 1st, 2010. It's 12:00 am.

Do you know where your free agents are?


Welcome to my breakdown of the much hyped NBA Free Agency 2010. Here I hope to provide a quick (actually, this is absurdly long) snapshot of each team's current situation and outlook, so that you can survive this dreadful week of non-trading activity. *rolls eyes into back of head as far as possible* Really though, have you tried to visit NBA.com, ESPN.com, or anything NBA media related recently? I've seen Linda Blair vomit less than the amount of LeBron and free agency bullshit spewed by the media these past few days. So thus, I've taken it upon myself to capture all you need to know to properly enjoy this next week in true BasketBawful spirit.

For comedy's sake, I'm going to ask that we avoid the really crappy wishful thinking type trades and scenarios. Yes, I understand that you could trade Rashard Lewis for LeBron. Yes, I understand that Bynum and Vujacic could be in a sign and trade for Bosh, and then every championship-piggyback veteran could sign with the Lakers. Yes, I understand that you could trade Kirk Hinrich to the Wizards even though they have a poison situation and already have 2 PGs. (Wait, you mean that last one actually is gonna happen?) Anyways, I hope to have the most updated figures, numbers, and rosters by the time of this post, so if you spot any errors or as updates come along, or you just feel like sharing with me your stupid idea of how your team will get LeBron so we can all make fun of you, post a comment!

Other assumptions:

• Going with the flat $56.1 million cap for next season.
  
• This means for new contracts where the 105% rule doesn't apply, we'll use the minimum salary table here, and the maximum contract will be assumed as follows:
  0-6 years of experience: $14,025,000
  7-9 years: $16,830,000
  10+ years: $19,635,000
  
• No team is so completely stupid as to talk about their first round draft pick's salary, so we will use the 100% number.
  
• Assume all teams in the FA hunt will sign minimum salary contracts after July 8th.
  
• We're using face value or near value ideas. No assuming what some guy wants, like Shaq taking the vet minimum somewhere for the Lakers some stacked super team. Unless you have a personal relationship with said player, and his family, and have personally spoken to him about his exact intentions, personally, and how he's okay with leaving tens of millions on the table for the chance at a ring. Then by all means, please share.
  
• Crappy players will take their player options. Anyone that has the remote chance at an extension or making more money by becoming a FA (especially considering the end of this CBA) we will assume will not take their player options. Unless we're pretty sure that a team wants to screw a guy into staying on their team, or their qualifying offer/team option happens to be near equal to what they'd make anyways, we're not assuming either is picked up.
  
• Think about sign and trades, and if we're going to talk about them, find an incentive for ALL PARTIES (both teams and the players being extended). Not everyone can make deals with Chris Wallace. Otherwise, lets assume re-signings and free agency.
  
• Ugh, for the last time, LeBron's not coming to your team, stop bothering everyone about it.

Important resources:

• HoopData's Salaries section (comprehensive, but slightly outdated)
  
• HoopsHype's Salaries section (WARNING! This site sucks to visit without proper ad and/or javascript blocking.)
  
• Rookie Scale Salary Info from NBPA (pdf)
  
• Larry Coon's NBA Salary Cap FAQ (read every single word of this. You know, since it expires next year, you'll want to know why there's a lockout.)
  
• Whatever site you use for this year's draft information, and recent transactions.
  
• Oddly, it's hard to find consistent and accurate draft data. Pretty much every source says something different, and has varying updates on recent trades.

The Spreadsheet:
Everything that follows will be a summary of what I've collected in this spreadsheet. (Google docs, no login required, click it now.) First, I've collected and compiled important information from the draft with respect to salaries. This was, as I mentioned earlier, unnecessarily difficult to do, and there's bound to be errors. If you see any errors, let me know.

Second, I've collected a list of free agents who are eligible for max contracts above (in red) or near their respective cap percentage.

List of players who are eligible for greater than max contracts:
Jermaine O'Neal $24,166,800
Tracy McGrady $23,607,280
Shaquille O'Neal $22,050,000
Dirk Nowitzki $20,785,500
Paul Pierce $20,785,498
Ray Allen $19,715,703
Amare Stoudemire $17,197,241
Yao Ming $17,197,241

Finally, there's a tab for every team, where I've copied hoopdata's page, updated the numbers with the latest trades and draft, and complied some cap room scenarios. Since I made lots of notes and formulas such that it's near impossible for anyone else to read what I've done, let's begin with the teams. Oh, also, I use the term "albatross" for long guaranteed contract that you may want to get out of, and the term "S&T bait" for a 2011 expiring that may be used to help leverage this summer's free agency.

Atlanta Hawks:
Current Maximum Cap Space: $6,180,374
UPDATE Maximum non-Cap holding onto Joe Johnson: ($21,656,885)
Notable Free Agents: Joe Johnson [$14,976,754, no player option]
Albatross: See below.
S&T bait: Jamal Crawford [$10,080,000]
Summary: The Hawks have some sign and trade bait with 2011 expirings, or could try to sign and trade Joe Johnson, but it's probably too late for that. Too many albatross contracts with Josh Smith, Marvin Williams, and Zaza through 2013 and Bibby through 2012. Maybe shoot for J.J. Redick? Or hope for the Mayan apocalypse?
Final Verdict: A good hope-crusher for Minnesota fans to show the long lasting effects of what happens when you keep drafting players that play the same position.

Boston Celtics:
Current Maximum non-Cap Space: ($11,098,826)
Maximum Cap Space if Paul Pierce opts out and Rasheed Wallace retires and Ray Allen isn't re-signed: $15,789,807
UPDATE Maximum non-Cap Space with Paul Pierce cap hold: ($4,522,087)
Albatross: Kevin Garnett [$18,832,044, through 2012]
S&T bait: Kendrick Perkins [$4,890,208], Glen Davis [$3,000,004]
Summary: To blow up or not to blow up. This team could go lots of ways, even down to asking KG to take a pay cut. Too many stupid rumors, only time will tell what their plan is (if any).
Final Verdict: Bleh.

Charlotte Bobcats:
Current Maximum non-Cap Space: ($4,448,542)
UPDATE Maximum non-Cap Space with Tyrus Thomas qualifying offer: ($17,999,938)
Notable Free Agents UPDATED: Raymond Felton [$5,501,196]
Albatross: The entire team.
S&T bait UPDATE: Tyson Chandler [$12,600,000], Nazr Mohammed [$6,883,800]
Summary: No draft pick, locked down guaranteed salaries, and an owner with a Hitler mustache. Hey, at least the defense is good, right? It might be worth it to give up big and try to unload some salary. If you need a reason to blame, I'd suggest Smithfield Foods and what they've done to the state of North Carolina.
Final Verdict: Yea, y'all are fucked.

Chicago Bulls:
Current Maximum Cap Space: $20,578,404
Maximum Cap Space if that completely stupid trade to Washington is true: $29,933,796
Notable Free Agents: Brad Miller?
Albatross: Luol "king-o-albatross" Deng [$11,345,000, through 2014]
S&T bait: None.
Summary: The Bulls are definitely in FA search mode, as they don't really have the assets to pull off a sign and trade deal. Let's also assume no one's picking up Luol Deng's crappy crap. Yet somehow Washington is absorbing over $9M in cap for Chicago. Something just doesn't add up.
Final Verdict: It's looking tough to clear the room for 2 maxes, but a strong team can be built here.

Cleveland Cavaliers:
Current Maximum Cap Space: $9,472,590
Notable Free Agents: That one dude [$15,779,912, player option] and that old fat guy [$21,000,000]
Albatross: Antawn Jamison [$13,358,905, through 2012]
S&T bait: Some, but is obviously on the giving end of a S&T if one were to happen
Summary: Screw this,
Final Verdict: Y'all are fucked.

Dallas Mavericks:
Current Maximum non-Cap Space UPDATE: ($17,812,046)
Maximum Cap Space if Dirk opts out, Najera and Barea lowballed a.k.a. "The Mavs are fucked" case: $2,499,850
Notable Free Agents: Dirk Nowitzki [$19,795,714, player option]
Albatross: Shawn Marion [$7,305,500, through 2013]
S&T bait: Caron Butler [$10,561,960], Jason Terry? [$9,873,000]
Summary: Wow, Dirk can really screw over the Mavs, can't he?
Final Verdict: Is Cuban good at pulling off sign and trades?

Denver Nuggets:
Current Maximum non-Cap Space: ($19,593,497)
Notable Free Agents UPDATE: Kenyon Martin? Nope.
Albatross: Everything.
S&T bait UPDATE: J.R. Smith [$6,694,851], Kenyon Martin [$16,795,454], disgruntled Melo and crappy front office bargaining.
Summary: Looking bleak. Everyone's locked down this year, and I don't see Kenyon Martin earning a max contract. No draft picks, no real assets to trade, Carmelo likely leaving, and Birdman through 2014. Update: Or, the front office is threatening to trade Melo if he doesn't extend. Ya, okay.
Final Verdict: So fucked.

Detroit Pistons:
Current Maximum non-Cap Space: ($2,572,216)
Notable Free Agents: KWAME BROWN BITCHES [$4,000,000]
Albatross: Detroit fans probably shouldn't look at their team's future salary chart...
S&T bait UPDATE: Tayshaun Prince [$11,147,760, no player option], Chris Wilcox [$3,000,000]
Summary: Still in the early years of the "how to blow your cap space by severely over-paying" era. But look on the bright side; only $9,000,000 of Rip Hamilton's contract in 2012-13 is guaranteed.
Final Verdict: What's the suicide rate in Detroit again?

Golden State Warriors:
Current Maximum non-Cap Space UPDATE: ($1,085,353)
Notable Free Agents: Uhh...
Albatross: Monta "McTurnover" Ellis [$11,000,000, through 2014]
S&T bait: Bleh.
Summary: Welcome to the Udoh era.
Final Verdict: Not much to do this summer.

Houston Rockets:
Current Maximum non-Cap Space UPDATE: ($16,080,834)
Notable Free Agents: not Yao [apparently picking up $17,686,100 player option]
Albatross: Kevin Martin [$10,600,005, through 2013], Trevor Ariza [$6,322,320, through 2013/14]
S&T bait: A lot.
Summary: Assuming Jared Jeffries picks up his $6,883,800 option, you've got Shane Battier's $7,429,500, Jordan Hill's $2,669,520, David Andersen's $2,500,000, not trading Aaron Brooks, etc., the Rockets have a lot of indirect options this off-season. They can afford to take on a mini albatross with a top tier free agent in a sign and trade, but it's gonna be work to get it done.
Final Verdict: Needs some more Morey Magic.

Indiana Pacers:
Current Maximum non-Cap Space: ($10,547,446)
Notable Free Agents: Uhm...
Albatross: Uhm...
S&T bait: A lot.
Summary: The Pacers have cleared the decks for the 2011-12 season, with Danny Granger locked in through 2014. Maybe this is a brilliant move by Bird to not get screwed by the new 2011 CBA, or maybe there's a bunch of trades incoming. In any case, the 2010-11 roster looks just like last season's roster, only somehow worse.
Final Verdict: Lookin' pretty screwed.

Los Angeles Clippers:
Current Maximum Cap Space: $17,210,816
Notable Free Agents: Bleh.
Albatross: Baron Davis [$13,000,000, through 2012], Chris Kaman [$11,300,000, through 2012]
S&T bait: None really.
Summary: Lacking the assets, the Clippers are going for the homerun swing here this summer. I guess if there's some max contract FA that feels like getting treated like shit and then somehow getting injured, his 4 other teammates will welcome him with warm arms.
Final Verdict: Uh, it's the Clippers.

The Supreme Ultimate Los Angeles World Champions of the Universe Lakers:
Current Maximum non-Cap Space: ($29,530,299)
Notable Free Agents: Adam Morrison [$5,257,229], Derek Fisher [$5,048,000], Jordan Farmar [$1,947,200]
Albatross: Kobe Bryant [$24,806,250 $25,244,493 $27,849,149 $30,453,805], Pau Gasol [$17,823,000 $18,714,150 $19,000,000 $19,285,850], Ron Artest [$6,322,320 $6,790,640 $7,258,960], Lamar Odom [$8,200,000 $8,900,000], Andrew Bynum [$13,700,000 $14,900,000]
S&T bait: Sasha Vujacic [$5,475,113]
Summary: Pour some milk into that bowl of championship rings as part of your balanced breakfast. What kind do you prefer? I always enjoyed 1%, a balance of taste and health.
Final Verdict: Fuck this shit.

Memphis Grizzlies:
Current Maximum Cap Space UPDATE: $6,549,212
UPDATE Maximum non-Cap Space with Rudy Gay qualifying offer: ($3,293,779)
Notable Free Agents: Rudy Gay [$3,280,997]
Albatross: Hasheem Thabeet [$4,793,280, through 2011]
S&T bait: A lot lot.
Summary: There is $0 guaranteed on the books for 2011-12! Another team preparing for the new CBA and lockout? Maybe they can spice things up by attempting to offer Gay the qualifying offer.
Final Verdict: See Indiana Pacers, minus franchise killing brawl.

Miami Heat:
Current Maximum Cap Space: $43,635,815
UPDATE Maximum Cap Space with Wade's hold: $27,952,027
UPDATE Maximum Cap Space with retarded Raptors S&T: $16,726,145 ($17,199,749 for LeBron)
Notable Free Agents: Jermaine O'Neal [$23,016,000], Summit Member #1 [$15,779,912]
Albatross: Michael "oh how the great have fallen" Beasley [$4,962,240, through 2011]
S&T bait: Don't you need people on your team in order to have bait?
Summary: It seems the Heat are giving up their triple max contract plan, as the Mario Chalmers team option was just picked up. They can offer $15,018,876 to three FAs though, or $15,156,048 if Joel Anthony decides to be a nice guy as reported, so if that summit crap was actually true, this is the number they'd be looking at.
UPDATE: The Heat are really waiting for that final cap space number, as any small change will affect if they can give 3 max contracts. You know, assuming this completely fucking stupid S&T with Toronto doesn't happen.
Final Verdict: Keep mentioning the reduced taxes and nightlife!

Milwaukee Bucks:
Current Maximum Cap Space UPDATE: $1,402,899 $7,382,671 (Salmons didn't take option lol)
Notable Free Agents: John Salmons, apparently
Albatross: Bad Porn [$9,600,000, through 2013]
S&T bait UPDATE: Michael Redd's picked up option [$18,300,000]
Summary: No idea. UPDATE: Still no idea.
Final Verdict: A strange combination of team options, weird contracts, and pretty much being stuck this off-season. Stuck still with a bad team.

Minnesota Timberwolves:
Current Maximum Cap Space: $13,235,591
Notable Free Agents: Darko [$7,540,000]
Albatross: Al Jefferson [$13,000,000, through 2013]
S&T bait: Some, not really though.
Summary: T'wolves have basically given up on the max FA chase. Unless Kahn pulls something amazing *snicker*. How sad is it that re-signing Darko actually becomes an urgent priority? UPDATE: Looking deeper at Rudy Gay's qualifying offer, I've added a line for his proposed salary [$13,709,195]. But otherwise yea, this team still sucks.
Final Verdict: Can you even make paella in Minnesota?

New Jersey Nets:
Current Maximum Cap Space: $29,989,807
Notable Free Agents: Barf.
Albatross: Devin Harris [$8,981,000, through 2013]
S&T bait: Terrence Williams [$2,214,480], Courtey Lee [$1,352,640], Quinton Ross? [$1,146,337 player option]
Summary: The Nets need a few more minor cuts to make the double FA signing work. Getting rid of Yi was a surprisingly good start. Will hanging Kris Humphries by his feet over a gold mine help read the goal?
Final Verdict: Comrade, trust the motherland! and Jay-Z!

New Orleans Hornets:
Current Maximum non-Cap Space: ($11,913,649)
Notable Free Agents: ....
Albatross: Emeka Okafor [$11,795,000, through 2013/14]
S&T bait: Maybe?
Summary: This is pretty depressing to analyze.
Final Verdict: So fucked. Does Chris Paul feel worse than a slowly dying burning oily sea turtle?

New York Knicks:
Current Maximum Cap Space: $34,528,263
Notable Free Agents: Tracy McGrady [$22,483,124], David Lee [$7,000,00]
Albatross: Eddy Curry [$11,276,863, 2011]
S&T bait: Not much, really.
Summary: This one mistake, Eddy Curry, has pretty much kept NY out of the picture for LeBron. At least the Knicks are the only team in the clear for double max salaries!
Final Verdict: Hello, Boozer and Joe Johnson!

Oklahoma City Thunder:
Current Maximum Cap Space: $6,898,156
Notable Free Agents: None.
Albatross: None.
S&T bait: Tons.
Summary: So the plans to steal Sam Presti and make him GM of the Suns is underwa-...oh, ahem. Anyways, even look at those trades FOR Daequan Cook and Morris Peterson, both expiring in 2011. Could Indiana, Memphis, and Oklahoma City be onto something here?
Final Verdict: Wow, just look at this team build year after year.

Orlando Magic:
Current Maximum non-Cap Space: ($27,200,430)
UPDATE Maximum non-Cap Space with J.J. Redick hold and Barnes opted out: ($34,118,654)
Notable Free Agents UPDATE: J.J. Redick's sweet touch [$2,839,408]
Albatross: Ahahaha.
S&T bait: No, in a bad way.
Summary: Man, next year is gonna hurt.
Final Verdict: As with the Detroit fans, Orlando fans may not want to gaze directly at the ORL salary chart. UPDATE: Like seriously, don't look.

Philadelphia 76ers :
Current Maximum non-Cap Space: ($10,735,638)
Notable Free Agents: Allen Iverson [$650,686]
Albatross: Aaaaahahahaha-
S&T bait: Sorta?
Summary: Even if players opt our from their options, the 76ers still would be stuck this off-season with their same crappy crew.
Final Verdict: Nothing's changed, pretty much screwed for the next 3 years.

Phoenix Suns:
Current Maximum Cap Space (assumes Amar'e opts out) UPDATE: $14,461,055 $11,221,055 (Grant Hill picked up option)
UPDATE Maximum non-Cap Space with Amar'e max hold: ($5,502,582)
Notable Free Agents: LOU!
Albatross: Not really
S&T bait: Yes.
Summary: Didn't think the Suns could pull off getting under the cap and come close to offering a max contract. UPDATE: Not close anymore, but for the love of God please let go of Amar''''''e's cap hold!
Final Verdict: Rebounding and defense, rebounding and defense...

Portland Trail Blazers:
Current Maximum non-Cap Space: ($11,862,668)
Notable Free Agents: None.
Albatross: Lamarcus Aldridge [$10,744,000, through 2015]
S&T bait: Andre Miller [$7,269,264], Joel Przybilla [$7,405,300 player option]
Summary: Maybe Kevin Pritchard did try to screw Portland on his way out, as his draft day trades ultimately put the Blazers about $7 million even more over the cap.
Final Verdict: *tears ACL*

Sacramento Kings:
Current Maximum Cap Space UPDATE: $15,366,159
Notable Free Agents: [This section is intentionally left blank]
Albatross: Beno Udrih [$6,478,600, through 2012/13], Francisco Garcia [$5,500,000, through 2013].
S&T bait UPDATE: Samuel Dalembert [$13,278,129], Carl Landry [$3,000,000]
Summary UPDATE: Lost about $3 million in cap space, probably not gonna find a good use for the cap space. Maybe fight Minnesota for Gay? (This is quite possibly the most favorite sentence I've ever written.)
Final Verdict: Who'd want to come to a team that gets screwed by the refs anyways?

San Antonio Spurs:
Current Maximum non-Cap Space UPDATE: ($13,802,086) $1,343,330
Notable Free Agents UPDATE: No. LOL RJ.
Albatross: Manu? Duncan?
S&T bait: Richard Jefferson [$15,200,000], Tony Parker [$13,650,000]
Summary: Gonna assume Richard Jefferson picks up his player option here, unless I missed something. They might start a trend of when being over the cap by $13 million, saying instead "one Tony Parker over the cap". UPDATE: Aaaaaaahahahahahaha Richard Jefferson probably should have asked Bonzi Wells for advice before this decision. Or like anyone with two eyes.
Final Verdict: Lots of sign and trade opportunity.

Toronto Raptors:
Current Maximum Cap Space: $6,243,868
Notable Free Agents: Summit tag-a-long Member #3 [$15,779,912]
Albatross: My eyes...
S&T bait: Eh.
Summary: Just look at all that Albatross! A core of Hedo, Calderon, Bargs, and Jarrett Jack through 2013?! And you thought LeBron played with some bad teammates!
Final Verdict: More like, sign and trade away.

Utah Jazz:
Current Maximum non-Cap Space UPDATE: ($5,518,526) ($6,176,046) (2 qualifying offers)
Notable Free Agents: Carlos Boozer [$12,323,900, no player option], Kyle Korver [$5,163,636, no player option]
Albatross: Paul Millsap [$7,600,000, through 2013]
S&T bait: Maybe
Summary: Doesn't look like there's much to do here, maybe leverage Kirilenko's expiring for a swingman to make way for Gordon Hayward. Also to buy Fesenko some shake weights.
Final Verdict: Well at least you've got some nice green jazzy mountains.

Washington Wizards:
Current Maximum Cap Space UPDATED: $14,861,038
Maximum Cap Space if that completely stupid trade with Chicago is true UPDATED: $5,032,042
Notable Free Agents: Are there markets for Josh Howard and Mike Miller?
Albatross: *points upwards at BasketBawful banner* [$17,730,693, through 2014, player option in 2013]
S&T bait: Ugh, who cares anymore.
Summary: So, back to this trade again. It becomes official July 8th or something, but with the Yi trade it pretty much shows how desperate the Wiz are to fill the slots. In complete give-up mode. On the plus side, I hope to see tons of John Wall driving and kicking it to Yi for the missed shot, followed by awkwardly looking at each other.
Final Verdict: Abandon all hope all ye who enter here.


-AnacondaHL

Labels: guest author, Lebron James is a douche, NBA, Summer 2010