So Chris Mullin's jersey was retired at The Oracle on Monday night, and with it, Warriors' owner Joe Lacob decided to give himself 2 minutes to address a crowd...

...already irked by his decision to move Monta Ellis and Andrew Bogut, in the midst of a 1-postseason-in-18-years streak.  (For us, that transaction is primarily relevant because Golden State sent Kwame "First Overall" Brown to Milwaukee.)

The reaction was rather inevitable...



And give it up for the ever-angsty Rick Barry trying to lecture thousands of unhappy fans, most of who have no memory of his championship year!!!!!!!

Labels: Bay Area bawful, booing, Chris Mullin, Golden State Warriors, Joe Lacob, Monta Ellis, Rick Barry

The realization that his team is godawful was very sudden, and very disturbing for poor Monta Ellis
Here's a must-see from Kelly Dwyer on Ball Don't Lie: how Rajon Rondo and Brandon Jennings are rehabilitating. See? Professional athletes aren't so different from the rest of us! They also sit! They just do it, you know, to play a racing arcade game in their damn house, or watch three TVs at once.

Also, solid piece from the Washington Post on Gilbert Arenas and his tired act.

And quickly, I did receive a quick response from Marc Stein about the Frail Blazers nickname thing I mentioned last night: "Will write that somewhere when opening arises". So there you go. I have no idea if we coined the nickname or not (it's so obvious that I doubt it), but it's certainly been around for awhile.

Worst of the Night in Pictures:

"I made Gilbert cry! Mission accomplished."

So delightfully awkward

Someone go tell Rambis he isn't at an Atlanta Braves game

Huh. I figured it would take more than one game for Vince Carter to drive Steve Nash to madness

Nationally Televised Games:
Mavericks at Magic, NBA TV, 7pm: Dallas has won its last four games in Orlando, the Magic are in a slump, and they now have Hedo and Gilbert Arenas. I do not feel particularly optimistic about Orlando's chances tonight...

All The Other Games:
Thunder at Bobcraps, 7pm: The Thunder don't want to lose two consecutive games, and they get to face an offense that's nearly as terrible as Milwaukee's. Not to mention the Bobcraps aren't feeling terribly good about themselves. Per Stephen Jackson: "We're just terrible on all cylinders." Well, there's your problem, Captain Jack. You're a basketball team, not a car! Silly Bobcraps...

76ers at Bulls, 8pm: It's official: ESPN.com has referred to the Sixers as "surging." That is, of course, code for "sucking less than usual."

Nyets at Grizzlies, 8pm: The poor Nyets are about to play 10 of 13 on the road. I'm sure this will go well. Don't waste your time watching this game. You'll get a better sports viewing fix by watching the Lorchcast:

I think I've posted this here before, but the Lorchcast is worth another viewing
Warriors at Kings, 10pm: The Purple Paupers -- winners of five (5!) games this season -- are favored 66% to 34% in this game according to AccuScore computer simulations. Ladies and gentlemen, the Golden State Warriors!

Bucks at Lakers, 10:30pm: The Lakers like to beat up on bad teams. The Bucks are missing Brandon Jennings, Carlos Delfino, and Corey Maggette. I fully expect this game to look something like this:

Labels: Bawful After Dark, Golden State Warriors, Milwaukee Bucks, Sacramento Kings

"Apologize? I don't get it. Apologize for what...?"(H/T to plondon for the screen capture)
LeBron James He was booed coming out of the tunnel:


He was booed during introductions (Zydrunas Ilgauskas was greeted with cheers):


Yes, he did his lame-ass pre-game powder routine. And then he went out and pounded his old team like a pile or raw hamburger...making history and setting personal records along the way. Here's some of what ESPN Stats and Information dug up:

In his much-anticipated homecoming, LeBron James scored a season-high 38 points. He made 10 field goals beyond 15 feet, two shy of his career high in a game. Entering play Thursday, James was averaging just 2.8 field goals made per game beyond 15 feet.

The 24 third-quarter points by LeBron James matched his single-game high for points in a quarter and tied a franchise record.

James also did not commit a turnover, the most points he's ever scored in a game without committing a turnover. He’s the second player this season to score at least 38 points without committing a turnover. On Nov. 1, Luol Deng scored 40 against the Trail Blazers without turning the ball over.

From the Elias Sports Bureau: This was only the fourth time in NBA history that a player scored at least 38 points in his first game against a former team. The other players to do that were John Williamson against the Pacers in 1978 (38 points), Danny Ainge against Boston in 1989 (39) and Stephon Marbury against Minnesota in 2000 (39).

More From the Elias Sports Bureau: James shot 15-for-25 from the floor, the seventh game of his career in which he took at least 25 shots from the field and connected on at least 60 percent of them.

Just when Cleveland fans thought LeBron had tormented them in every possible way, 'Bronny Bravo saves his best game of the season and one of the best outside shooting games of his career for his return. In doing so, he created a new category of revenge game: "This is for making me feel like a douche for screwing you over." It's like beating a dog for no reason and then taking it outside to rub its nose in its own feces.

Hell, he couldn't even keep himself from taunting the Cavaliers bench...earning him a nice little "shut the [world Kevin Garnett loves to say] up" from a member of the coaching staff:


To be frank, I hated watching this game. Hated it. To me, it was depressing.

See, LeBron James -- even if you thought he was a douche -- still represented everything people love about sports: The hometown hero playing like a bad motherfucker and transforming a perennial underdog into a championship contending powerhouse. Even if you hated all the fake pre-game picture shows, the in-game dancing, the post-game third-person soliloquies -- and let's face it, we all did -- it was still a great story for a sadsack city that has had very little to cheer for over the years.

True story: My second Mardi Gras back in 2006, I was standing in line somewhere to use the bathroom when the guy in front of me started making small talk. After he told me he was from Cleveland, all I said was: "LeBron James, huh?" And he replied, "Yep. Best thing that ever happened to Cleveland."

That was always the joke, right? But people in Cleveland really believed it. And then , with one ill-conceived Decision, LeBron became everything people hate about sports: The hometown hero turning heel, taking the seemingly easy way out and chasing fortune and glory elsewhere. It wasn't the first time something like this had happened. Wilt Chamberlain had a pretty nasty divorce in Philly (although at least The Stilt led the Sixers to a title). Of course, King Crab took it to the next (unprecedented) level by announcing his screw job on an hour-long informercial. And still later he made a shoe commercial trying to shame people for hating him for being such a dick.

And you know what made all the booing so depressing? When somebody leaves you -- a girlfriend, a spouse, a sports hero, whatever -- they can leave behind one of two kinds of hate. There's the "I hate you but I'm better off without you" and there's the "I hate you and I will never, ever, in any way be better off without you."

We know which of these hates Clevelanders are feeling, don't we?

Think about it. Luck and lottery balls gave LeBron James to the Cavaliers. When is that going to happen again? When are the Cavs going to win the number one overall draft pick in a year when a "could be the greatest player of all time" talent is available? What are the odds? Pretty freaking long. And that's the way it's going to have to happen, because no amount of money is going to bring a superduperstar to Cleveland. And that has nothing to do with Dan Gilbert's infamous Comic Sans Letter of Doom.

Superstars don't want to play in Cleveland. Nobody really wants to play in Cleveland.

We’ve discussed this here before. It's hard to win a championship. Typically, you need a Top 5 Guy to be The Man, a Top 10 or 15 Guy to be The Sidekick, several efficient roleplayers who don't mind selflessly killing themselves on the boards or on defense or in whatever role they're asked to perform, and a bench that goes at least three or four solid players deep. Oh, and you need good coaching.

Tell me: How in the name of Spider-Man's balls is that EVER going to happen in Cleveland now that LeBron's gone? Let me put it this way: There's a better chance that I'll become Kobe Bryant's biggest fan before the Cavaliers win an NBA title.

So Clevelanders have to endure the harsh but inescapable reality that the best basketball they will ever see has come and gone. They will never see or experience anything like it again. And it didn't just fizzle out with the passing of years. It was cruelly ripped away from them after a couple seasons of being RIGHT THERE.

Isiah's Pistons were RIGHT THERE for a few years but kept getting knocked off by the Celtics and Lakers. They endured and eventually won a couple titles. Jordan's Bulls were RIGHT THERE for a few years but kept getting knocked off by the Pistons. They endured and eventually won six titles. These things are legendary. But being RIGHT THERE wasn't enough for the King of the Nazgul. Why overcome when you can bolt?

The only legend LeBron left behind in Cleveland was a sense of betrayal and hatred unlike anything the league has ever seen. It's a sad saga.

But hey, go Heat, right? They kicked the crap out of a bunch of disparate roleplayers who were assembled for the express purpose of servicing LeBron and all his Royal Whims. Surprise, surprise, they're falling apart without him.

And even now, LeBron won't just say the two little words that could put salve in an ugly, open would. He won't say "I'm sorry." Even if only for how he hurt the city that loved him.

Said LeBron: "I don't want to apologize. I think my intentions were not to hurt anyone. My intentions were solely on kids during that whole process. I always say, decisions I make, I live with them. There's always ways you can correct them or ways you can do them better. At the end of the day, I live with them. I'm satisfied and happy right now."

Trust me, it doesn't come off any better if you hear it spoken out loud. Trust me.


His intentions were solely on kids during that whole process? Was he being serious? What in the Nine Hells does that even mean? Does even LeBron know? And why can't he just own up? Why can't he just say, "I'm sorry, Cleveland. Not for leaving to follow my dreams, but for how I did it, for hurting you?" Would it damage his ego that much to just throw those long-suffering people a bone? It wouldn't erase all the hate and bad feelings, but it might give Clevelanders just enough satisfaction that they could start moving on.

But nope. LeBron doesn't give. He takes. Whatever. I'm over it and him.

The Clevaland Cavaliers: Not for the giant bitch slap they received...but for all the fraternizing, laughing, joking, etc. they did with LeBron at various points throughout the night. I thought something vital in Reggie Miller was going to explode. Yeah, I get they're all still friends with him or whatever, but they kind of owed it to the fans to dis him for at least one night.

Derrick Rose, quote machine: From ESPNChicago via Basketbawful reader Phil:

When asked if he would be watching James' much-anticipated return to Cleveland, Bulls All-Star point guard Derrick Rose responded this way.

"Probably not," Rose said. "I've got my second season of 'Dexter' so I'm good."

The Golden State Warriors: Okay, if you don't already love Steve Nash, here's yet another of the many reasons you should (via Basketbawful reader Business Time):


Not sure there's much to say about this one. Both teams suck on defense and toight the Warriors sucked worse. They let the Suns shoot 55 percent from the field and run out for 24 fast break points. I will say Jason Richardson's 25-point effort (on 10-for-15 shooting) against his old team was totally overshadowed by the Passion of Cleveland. Of course, the circumstances are radically different.

Said Richardson: "I'm used to playing here. The fans, every time I come, it's a standing ovation when they announce my name. They get me up. I played here for six years, and there's familiarity. I had some great times here. It's a great place to play."

I also have to say it cracks me up that Earl freaking Barron is starting ahead of Hedo Turkoglu and Hakim Warrick.

Oh, anyway, back to the Warriors. This little excerpt from the AP recap pretty much sums up the problems this team -- which has lost four straight at home and seven of eight games overall -- are having:

Ellis missed a pair of free throws with 3:16 left, which he said was the turning point of the game.

"If I hit those, we would have been down just one," he said. "We made some mistakes but it was a great game and we gave ourselves a chance to win."

Warriors point guard Stephen Curry missed time in the first half when he was poked in the eye.

"That slowed me down," Curry said. "I was initiating the offense well and getting people involved. It just took me a while to get back."

Notice how both guys -- Golden State's top two players -- identified offensive problems that led to the loss? Memo to the Warriors: When you give up 107 points on 55 percent shooting, your problems are on defense, not offense.

Chris's One-Line lackluster TNT Thursday Lacktion Report: Zydrunas Ilgaukas countered two boards in 16:38 with 3 fouls for a 3:2 Voskuhl.

Labels: Cleveland Cavaliers, Golden State Warriors, Lebron James, Steve Nash, Worst of the Night

Bing: "LA was beaten by this guy? Sad day to be a Lakers fan." -
Murcy: "He looks exactly like a vogon"
So there's your solution on how to beat the Lakers -- Vogon poetry
Running short on time today, folks. Straight to the pics.

Worst of the Night in Pictures:
Happy Lebronukah!!

Wow, Dave Coulier looks like hell

"I'm too sexy for my shirt... too sexy for my shirt..."

(in the voice of Ron Artest impersonating Luis Scola)
"I'm gonna eat some Spanish food!"

Nationally Televised Games:
Heat at Cavaliers, TNT, 8pm: Yep, it's the night we've all been waiting for: Zydrunas Ilgauskas's dramatic return to Cleveland.

Suns at Warriors, TNT, 10:30pm: The under-performing small ball Suns get to play against their evil twin in a battle of jump-shooting and _efense. Yes, every single game between these two teams the last five years has seen both teams score over 100 points. I look forward to seeing a ridiculous 137-133 final score. You know, unless the jump shots aren't falling, because even without _efense, that's what happens sometimes to teams like these. So in that case, we'll only see a 105-101 final score.

Oh, and you just have to love Steve Nash. His tweet from earlier today: "Hey Cleveland! How pumped are you for the Phoenix/Golden State game tonight?"

Labels: Bawful After Dark, Cleveland Cavaliers, Golden State Warriors, Miami Heat, Phoenix Suns

Piece of advice: Enjoy Paul Westphal's facepalms while you still can.
The Cleveland Cavaliers: The Cavs were the first team to beat the Celtics this season. And, frankly, it probably had more to do with Boston overlooking a lesser opponent than anything Cleveland did. Still, Byron Scott had his battle plan ready:

The Cavs plan to try and exploit [Shaq] in tonight's game at Quicken Loans Arena.

"One of our reasons we were successful the first time: We got up and down the floor and put Shaq in a lot of pick-and-rolls," Cavs coach Byron Scott said. "That won't change.

"If we do that, our guards will get wide-open shots. (We'll try to spread the floor) as much as possible and move it from one side to the other."

That strategy worked so well that Cleveland's starting guards -- Mo Williams and Anthony Parker -- went 8-for-23 from the field. The Cavaliers shot 39 percent as a team, got outscored 60-26 in the paint, fell behind by 20 and eventually lost 106-87. By the way, those 26 points in the paint were two points away from Cleveland's season-low.

Time for a new battle plan, Byron.

Anyway, whoever wrote the AP recap had a blast with this one. Check out these gems:

"It will be really hostile," said Cavs forward J.J. Hickson, who was held to one point by the Celtics. "It's no secret. He [James] is coming back to where he originally started. It's going to be a great environment. I'd be lying if I said it's a normal game."

And:

When he was replaced with 4:04 left by Von Wafer, Rondo was applauded by everyone on Boston's bench and got a loving slap on the backside as he walked past Rivers.

And even though this line was removed -- probably by some eagle-eyed editor -- Basketbawful reader allison got a screen shot:

Celtics G Delonte West had successful surgery to repair his broken right wrist. Has a team ever reported an unsuccessful surgery?

In related news: No, I did not get a job with the Associated Press.

Byron Scott, quote machine: Regarding Boston's dominance around the basket: "It was like a layup drill."

The Portland Frail Blazers: When the Frail Blazers were beaten by the New Orleans Hornets last Friday, it was their fifth loss in eight games. But the Portland faithful told the naysayers to back up a step and look at the competition in those five losses: The Lakers, Thunder, Hornets, Jazz and Hornets again.

Well, the Blazers have now lost four in a row and seven of their last 10 games. They've fallen to 8-9. And their last two losses have been to the New Jersey Nyets (6-12) and, last night, the Philadelphia 76ers (5-13).

Portland managed only 79 points on 37 percent shooting. During the fourth quarter, they went 4-for-20 and got outscored 22-11. And Brandon Roy played more like the Ghost of Tracy McGrady, finishing with 10 points on 3-for-9 shooting. Roy scored only 2 points in the final 24 minutes.

No word when Greg Oden will be back. Roy's knees will probably never get better.

Poor, poor Portland...the former Team of the Future. Now, when you hold up a Frail Blazers media guide to your ear, all you hear are creaking joints, snapping tendons and the sound of a thousand sad trombones.

Nate McMillan, coach of the year candidate: "You've got to take care of the ball, you've got to defend the ball and you've got to score in this league."

Doug Collins, quote machine: On Andre Iguodala's contributions: "He was our ace of spades tonight even though he did not score that many points."

Ace of spades?

The Detroit Pistons: Since their 90-79 road loss to the Magic wasn't that surprising, I'll let Tayshaun Prince write the epitaph to this loss...which dropped Detroit to 6-10 overall and 2-8 on the road: "We've had some success against them. They always know that when we play them we're ready to play, but in the fourth quarter, they were really ready for us this time."

Charlie Villanueva, delusion machine: "This is a game we could have closed out."

Mickael Pietrus, quote machine: "J.J. [Redick] and I are like brothers, even though I stay under the sun a little more than he does."

Tracy McGrady Watch: 3 points, 1-for-4, 3 rebounds, 2 assists and a game-worst plus-minus score of -16 in 18 minutes. And the following quote, regarding whether he can now understand the injury problems Grant Hill suffered through:

"I still wouldn't understand because he went through like four years," McGrady said, shaking his head. "I couldn't imagine."

McGrady's Games Played
2007-08: 66
2008-09: 35
2009-10: 30
2010-11: ??

The New Jersey Nyets: The game was tied at 65. Devin Harris got hurt. The Knicks ripped off a 14-2 run. Game over.

Screamed New Jersey coach Avery Johnson: "OH MAN, A BIG GAME CHANGER. DEVIN IS A GUY THAT WE RELY ON HEAVILY. IN THE SENSE IT'S KIND OF LIKE IF THEY LOSE STOUDEMIRE. ON A LOT OF NIGHTS DEVIN'S BEEN ONE OF OUR TOP TWO PLAYERS. IT WAS TOUGH TO OVERCOME IT."

So tough, in fact, that the Nyets didn't overcome it.

The game did provide a fun (if defenseless) battle between Brook Lopez (season-high 36 points on 14-for-24 shooting) and Amar''''''e Stoudemire (35 points on 13-for-22 from the field).

The Knicks-Nyets "Rivalry": From the AP recap:

Both will play in New York once the Nets move to Brooklyn in 2012, but for now their rivalry mostly exists off the court. The Nets put a billboard featuring owner Mikhail Prokhorov and part-owner Jay-Z near Madison Square Garden, and the Knicks responded by putting Stoudemire on an ad near the site of the Barclays Center will stand in Brooklyn.

An ad ran during MSG Network's telecast of the Knicks' victory at Detroit on Sunday advertising this game by telling the Nets, "You can walk like us, you can talk like us, but you ain't never gonna be like us."

The Nets fired back in an e-mailed statement from Prokhorov on Tuesday that read: "I don't think we want to be like the Knicks. I think we'd more like to resemble the Lakers."

OH. SNAP.

But both D'Antoni and Johnson dismissed the idea of a rivalry until it involves postseason meetings between the teams.

"You don't really get a rivalry unless you're in the playoffs," D'Antoni said. "It doesn't work during the regular season when you're [saying], 'Oh boy, we knocked them out of ninth place."

D'Antoni's got the right idea. The Knicks haven't had a winning season in a decade. Then again, the Nyets won only 12 games last season...so in comparison New York's standard 30-35 wins would probably feel like when you wash your sheets and then go outside and hang them out, and the sun dries them.

By the way, before everybody gets all excited about New Yorks 10-9 record, I will remind you that 1) this team had a six-game losing streak earlier this season and 2) check out the murderer's row of teams they've beaten during their recent "hot" streak: Kings (4-12), Warriors (8-10), Clippers (3-15), Bobcraps (6-11), Bobcraps (again) Pistons (6-12) and Nyets (6-12). Hey, kudos to them for taking advantage of a soft stretch in the schedule. But the schedule has a way of catching up to teams...

...just sayin'.

The Sacramento Kings: Here's the first line of the AP recap:

Slumped over in his chair, staring aimlessly at the locker room floor Tuesday night, Danny Granger of the Indiana Pacers had little energy thanks to a nagging case of the flu.

Forget that it sounds like the first line of a high school angst poem...Granger was apparently pretty sick. But not too sick to drop a season-high 37 points on 12-for-19 from the field and 10-for-11 from the line.

That's what it's like these days in Sacramento: Feeling bad? The Purple Paupers will make you feel better. Meanwhile, the Kings have dropped five straight and 10 of their last 11.

And check it: Of Sacramento's five starters, only Tyreke Evans reached double figures (16 points on 4-for-14 shooting). That unit's plus-minus scores: Evans (-18), Jason Thompson (-14), Donte Green (-12), Sammy Dalembert (-12) and Luther Head (-11).

Said DeMarcus Cousins: "I'm mad and I'm frustrated about losing. My own opinion is I think different strategies should be used in the game. But I was playing selfish and it [the practice incident] was a good lesson for me. I learned from that."

What practice incident you ask...?

DeMarcus Cousins: Apparently, Cousins is trying to steal the "Big Baby" nickname from Glen Davis. But for all the wrong reasons.

Recently, Cousins got yanked from the starting lineup and fined because of an argument with the team's strength and conditioning coach. Then on Monday, he got booted out of practice by coach Paul Westphal. Reason: Unknown.

Said Westphal: "It was a necessary move in our continued attempt to help him develop. I'm not going to get into details. He was asked to leave early."

Paul Westphal, coach of the year candidate: "DeMarcus isn't the first player who has been dismissed from practice and he won't be the last."

Consider yourselves warned, Kings players.

The Gol_en State Warriors: Seven Spurs players scored between 12 and 27 points. Tim Duncan (18 rebounds, 15 points, 11 assists) had his third career regular season triple double, and his first RSTD since March 14, 2003. San Antonio had 31 assists on 42 made field goals, scored 30 fast break points, converted 16 forced turnovers into 20 more points, and committed only 11 turnovers themselves despite playing a fast-paced game in which they attempted 91 field goals and 31 free throw attempts.

And just like that, the Warriors have lost eight of their last 10 games.

Said David Lee: "When you don't play your best ball against an experienced team like San Antonio, there's a reason their record is the way it is. They don't necessarily do it with all athleticism and power and length. They do it with smarts and they take advantage of any mistake that you make."

And in the Warriors' case, there are lots of mistakes...

The Los Angeles Lakers: According to the AP recap, the defending chumps had "Get back on track" written on the board in their locker room. And that's exactly what they did...if you consider being punked by the Grizzlies -- L.A.'s third loss in a row -- getting back on track. I guess it was like one of those train tracks you find in the movies, you know, the ones that run right to the edge of a steep cliff for no discernable reason.

The Lakers killed it on the boards, outrebounding the Care Bears 42-29 overall and 13-5 on the offensive glass. They were also +9 in made free throws. But L.A.'s shooting -- "led" by Kobe's 9-for-25 night -- was pretty bawful: 43 percent from the field and 31 percent from downtown.

Speaking of Kobe's shooting, here's what ESPN Stats and Information had to say:

The Los Angeles Lakers might have to learn that a little less Kobe Bryant may go a long way this season.

On Tuesday, Bryant scored 29 points but it took him 25 shots to get there in a 98-96 loss to the Memphis Grizzlies. During the Lakers current three-game losing streak, Bryant has attempted at least 20 shots in each game and has averaged 26.3 FGA per game.

This season, the Lakers are 2-3 when Bryant attempts at least 25 shots in a game, compared to 11-2 when he attempts fewer than 25 shots.

Look even deeper and you will see that all five of the Lakers losses have come when Bryant has at least 20 shots. When Bryant attempts fewer than 20 shots, the Lakers are 7-0.

Regarding Kobe's shot-jackery, Phil Jackson said: "I think he felt like he had to carry a little bit of the load. Kobe's going to come out there and attack if no one else is aggressive enough. He's going to test the defense, and the other guys are going to have to step in."

In related news, Mamba is 41-for-97 (42 percent) over his last four games. In fact, he's shooting 42.8 percent on the season. It's the lowest mark since his rookie campaign...when he shot 41.7 percent. What's more, his Effective Field Goal Percentage (46.4) is a career low.

Of course, the real story of this game might be the one shot Kobe didn't take. Specifically, the final shot of the night. Down 98-96 with time running out, the Lakers got lucky when Mike Conley lost the ball in a collision with Pau Gasol. L.A. recovered, but Jackson didn't call time. Kobe brought the ball up, and...

Said Kobe: "I went middle and I had the shot that I wanted, but I lost the handle on the ball while I was going up, so I kicked it to Ron. Ron took a dribble and shot."

Make that: pump fake of nobody, dribble and a shot. When Artest received the ball, he was wide open. Coulda just been a shot. But it wasn't. And that gave Rudy Gay the opportunity to stuff Ron-Ron. Game over.

Said Artest: "It was well-executed. I learned something from that today. That was great execution. His close out was perfect. ... He closed out, chopped his feet a little bit. Stayed low, didn't go totally for the head fake and recovered."

Ironically, this happened one day after the following article was published at SLAM ONLINE:

Trouble began to brew late Friday night in Utah, as Ron Artest dribbled around aimlessly in the fourth quarter before hoisting up an awful shot. Artest again made a few questionable decisions on the offensive end last night, as the Lakers lost in dramatic fashion to the Indiana Pacers at home.

Phil Jackson was unimpressed to say the least, and for the second consecutive game, he pulled Ron-Ron aside to discuss matters. Jackson wouldn’t divulge details of the chat, but Artest was more than happy to share.

Fox Sports has the quotes:

"He told me I should have called timeout when we got the offensive rebound," Artest said. "Kobe wanted the ball. Kobe was going to hit a three. When I saw Kobe, I was going to give it to him. I asked (Jackson), could everybody else on the court call timeout since I had the ball? And he said yes." Artest paused and then smiled. "He forgot to address it with everybody," he said. "But that's OK."

Jackson declined to detail what he said to Artest, preferring to keep it private. Artest said he was comfortable with his role, but noted that his feelings were irrelevant. "I listen and I take in the good, what can help me. But then I've also got to be like I made it this far for a reason," said Artest, whose 3-pointer brought the Lakers within 89-86 and got the crowd on its feet. "How do I not be selfish but at the same time listen? I'm sure he didn't want me to take that last three tonight. It’s all about playing and trying to figure out a way. We’ll be OK."

Last season, Jackson routinely criticized Artest’s decision-making in the triangle offense, and during some heated moments during the Playoffs, he flat-out instructed his team not to pass him the ball.

It's very early in the season, but worth noting that Ron Artest is averaging career lows in both points and minutes.

Anybody hear that? Sounds like somebody just opened a bottle of Crazy Pills.

Meanwhile, Pau Gasol (15 points, 14 boards, 4 assists, 4 blocked shots) had another long night (45 minutes). As AK Dave said in the BAD comments: "That's too many minutes. I think coach 'Jax knows that."

Chris's Lacktion Report:

Celtics-Cavs: Von Wafer has firmly established himself as Boston's best human victory cigar since Brian Scalabrine, tonight bricking once from Euclid Avenue and adding on a foul for a +2 suck differential in 4:04!

For Cleveland, Jawad Williams also earned a +2 via brick and foul, but in 2:46.

Nets-Knicks: Stephen Graham cracked open a care package from Mr. Prokhorov and found 2.95 (2:56) trillion in unwrapped ruble notes!

The Dolan Family's finest provided one turnover for Shawne Williams in 1:37, giving him a +1. Timofey Mozgov made one shot in 8:53 along with a rebound, but also fouled four times and lost the rock once for a 5:3 Voskuhl.

Lakers-Grizzlies: Hasheem The 2nd Overall Dream Thabeet pulled two boards in Memphis's victory over Team Mamba...but in his 9:36, he fouled an Oden-like four times for a 4:2 Voskuhl. Tony Allen added three bricks and a foul in 4:29 for a +4.

Spurs-Warriors: Dan Gadzuric was game enough to go 100% (on one shot) in 6:34, but three fouls and a turnover led to a 4:2 Voskuhl. Jeremy Lin, the man who has been tasked with saving the Warriors franchise all season long, tossed three bricks (twice from the charity stripe), lost the rock once, AND took a rejection for a +5 in 3:34!!!!

Labels: Cleveland Cavaliers, Golden State Warriors, Los Angeles Lakers, Paul Westphal, Worst of the Night

Everybody wants a piece of that Lin.Or that kickin' new uni.

Hey readers. AnacondaHL here, standing in to bring you the Pacific division preview. Let's get this started.

The Golden State Warriors

Crap.

The Los Angeles Clippers

Crappy Crap.

The Los Angeles Lakers

Crappier than people will expect.

The Phoenix Suns

Less crappy than people will expect, but nevertheless, crap.

The Sacramento Kings

Crap up in this bitch.



...


...ugh, fine, I'll do this properly.

Let's try this a different way. The NBA preseason has come to a close, and without going into a discussion about how well preseason success correlates to regular season records, (oblig link 1, oblig link 2), let's take a look at how the Pacific did:



Good Lordy. To help me get through this, aside from the multiple Pacificos, I'll be posting Basketball Prospectus' SHOENE projection for each team next to my projection and their standing in the West. Also, don't ask me for the rest of the projections, go spend your $10 on this fantastic read that's well worth it.

The Golden State Warriors

So, due to alphabetic obligations, we unfortunately start with the team with the most questionable SHOENE outlook. Is there a factor in the equation that accounts for an awesome switch back to throwback uniforms?

Well if anything there's some consideration to the coach. With the loss of The winningest coach in NBA history, you'd think the Warriors would be set to repeat or worse their 26-56 2009-10 record. Of course everyone knows that I'm joking, and that Don Nelson leaving is addition via subtraction, and Keith Smart has a chance to prove himself, beyond wacky games with limited rosters.

Throw in the growth of Stephen Curry as a star, and the acquisition of David Lee, the pickup of hard worker Sweet Lou, the room for Reggie Williams and Andris Biedrins to develop (and to hopefully improve his 16.0% FT%), and Monta Ellis ready to chuck it up, and the Warriors could be a surprise team in the West playoffs. And did I mention their pickup of Jeremy Lin? He's Asian! And American! And went to Harvard! Best PR use of an Asian player on an NBA basketball team since not Yi.

Still, I just don't see this squad nearly doubling their win total. David Lee's sieve defense is notorious in the Big Apple, and yet he fits right into their "get the steal or bust" methods. If anything, they've solidified their worst-in-the-league 112.4 points surrendered per game, and may give Toronto a run for their money at worst defensive rating next season.

I'm still jealous of their uniforms though.

SHOENE says: 49-33 (4)
AHL says: 40-42 (12)


The Los Angeles Clippers

Another year looking strong on paper, another year of disappointment. Don't get hyped up on this team as always, they are fighting to stay out of the bottom of the entire West.

Well let's start with the good news. Blake Griffin is looking monsterous. Hulk-esque, if you will. (Bonus YouTube to hype up the 3 Clippers fans).

*Keanu voice* Whoa.
In addition, Eric Gordon's coming off a solid tournament with Team USA. Kaman is Kaman, good for solid numbers. Ryan Gomes was brought in as their utility man. And Baron Davis looks to continue his obligations to this team, while mentoring Eric Bledsoe in the ways of the beard.

And now the bad news, which we all see coming a mile away. Yes, they are the Clippers. Meaning inevitable suck, notable due to inevitable injury. Poor Blake throws himself around the court with reckless disregard, Eric Gordon already seems banged up with a sprained ankle, Baron Davis is Baron Davis (averaging ~63GP per season the past 8 seasons), and Kaman is Kaman (also ~63 GP/season his past 6). That leaves poor Ryan Gomes to hold down the fort with Rasual Butler, Randy Foye, Craig Smith, and DeAndre Jordan. Yea.

Also, Donald Sterling. Still around. Yea. 'Nuff's been said about that.

SHOENE says: 27-55 (15)
AHL says: 24-58 (15)


The Los Angeles Lakers

Our World Champion 5th ringers seem like the team to beat. They dumped Morrison while keeping their championship core, adding PG Steve Blake, SF Matt Barnes, and C Theo Ratliff. They even held onto Mr. Sasha Maria Sharapova.

So why the crappy outlook?

To put it simply: age. Projected team weighted age sits at 30.8, 3rd oldest in the league. Bynum's question marks. Kobe's finger. Artest's crazy. Everything's going downhill with this team. Going from 65 wins in 2008, to an astonishing 57 wins last season thanks to a truckload of Kobe game winners, to what this season?

Well of course the Suns fan in me can't help to expect the best out of the Lakers, and I'd love to chase them out of the postseason in Golden State over Dallas fashion. Additionally, I can see the Lakers doing something amazing for PJax before finally blowing it up. Finally, Kobe seems hungrier than ever for number 6.

But honestly they're going to have to rely on Pau much more (not necessarily a bad thing), and are really one Gasol injury away from dropping to the bottom seeds, hence BP's low outlook on their season. I'm just saying, don't be surprised if they aren't even 2nd seed come April, even in this pathetic division.

SHOENE says: 46-36 (8)
AHL says: 55-27 (1)


The Phoenix Suns

All we needed was to replace Amar''''''e with a solid rebounder who could block some shots and maybe finish at the basket.

Instead we end up with an Atlanta-esque team of SFs. A team of 7 6th men when we needed 3rd-9th.

How did this go so wrong so fast? Was Steve Kerr actually responsible for good decisions, covering for the crapfest Sarver serves? I mean I knew he was bad, but how do you NOT know how to pull off a sign and trade for an actual asset like David Lee, instead of a trade exception I'm sure you're too stupid to know how to use as well?

Anyways, I still think surprising chemistry prevails in this case, as these guys genuinely seem to like each other. Throw in another age defying season by Nash, and the Phoenix medical staff reviving the corpse of Hedo (not to mention Jason Richardson's $14.4 million contract year), and these guys will likely not end up with records as bad as projected. As much as I'd love to see these guys get 50, it seems the West this year will be logjammed at 49-45 wins.

SHOENE says: 37-45 (12)
AHL says: 44-38 (7)


The Sacramento Kings

Rookie 20-5-5.

The steal of the early draft.

The pride of Israeli basketball.

The Super Landry Brothers.

That, uh, bipolarish center guy whose foundation I've actually donated to.

Guys named Beno, Giddens, Pooh, Head, Whiteside, Jason and Mason, Donté (acute accent required!) and Ime Udoka.

Even guys with boring names like Francisco Garcia, Antoine Wright, and Donald Sloan.

And last but not least, but least in some other sense, a gift from the god to our lacktion specialist and Bay Area enthusiast chris, Darnell Lacktion Jackson.

What's not to love about this team? I mean other than a 9th seed upside, multiple character issue risks, and speeding tickets.

SHOENE says: 43-39 (9)
AHL says: 39-43 (13)


Final Verdict for the 2010-11 Pacific Division: Waiting for a bunch of old guys to get injured, funny combinations of names, a couple of first round playoff exits, and Jeremy Lin.


-AnacondaHL

Labels: Golden State Warriors, Jeremy Lin is the first Taiwanese-American in the NBA, Los Angeles Clippers, Los Angeles Lakers, NBA season preview, Phoenix Suns, Sacramento Kings

While Matt McHale: Technical Writer is being inundated with training at his Clark Kent job, I figured this would be a good time to take a look at current events in the basketball world. (Don't worry -- the Pickup Diaries will resume before you know it)

Before we get started, a brief FYI. Several of you faithful Bawful readers have noted in the comments that a bogus redirect script has been affecting the site. After doing a little research, it appears to be related to the script used for the tag cloud that was on the navigation bar on the right side of the page. Many other bloggers who used that Technorati script are seeing the same issues with certain browsers. One particular release of Firefox seemed to be the most generally affected, and I personally have not been able to replicate the problem. However, I have temporarily removed the script from the site's template HTML, so hopefully the problem will be fixed. If you are still having troubles, let us know so we can look into it further.

Getting on the news...

Update! Warriors purchased. For way, way way too much money.

Update! Do you want to see David Kahn squirm when being pressed by Chris Webber and Matt Winer about throwing so much money at Darko friggin' Milicic? Do you want to see C-Webb get pissed at Kahn for comparing him to Darko? Of course you do. In fact, I'll even embed the video here for your convenience:


We are still countless weeks away from the beginning of the season, and the Warriors' top draft pick Ekpe Udoh has already torn a ligament in his wrist and will miss six months of action. Did anybody inform him that he was drafted by the Warriors and not the Clippers? He wasn't contractually obligated to injure himself like he would have been if Donald Sterling was cutting his paychecks.

Speaking of injured Clippers, Shaun Livingston's back! After destroying his knee in pretty much the worst possible way against the Bobcats in 2007, he has now inked a 2 year, $7 million deal with... the Bobcats. Livingston's agent Henry Thomas commented "yes, how ironic," when this was pointed out to him. Technically that isn't irony; it's just a coincidence. Irony would be getting drafted by the Clippers and staying perfectly healthy and leading the team to a championship. But no matter. It's still nice to see Livinston getting another break after a horrible injury and struggles to regain his form in subsequent years. And now if you'll excuse me, I need to go throw up about eight times after remembering his ligament-ravaging fall.

Oh, and Knee-Mac to the Clippers? Maybe. You can't make this shit up.

In yet another example of NBA teams refusing to learn from history's mistakes, the Nyets have found a new general manager in... Billy King?? Don't they remember how he murdered Philly's 76ers, rolled its body up in a carpet, and tossed it off a bridge? (After that, Philly really could have used Superman -- oh, wait, they got him!. After Superman is done saving Philadelphia, he's trekking over to Detroit to attempt to save it before crippling depression sets in and he decides to just end it all. And I'm only making up part of that sentence.) In any event, there is a nice opportunity here. Not only are we likely to be treated to some comedic mismanagement, but we might even see another example of the team's GM being overruled by its owner. If Mikhail Prokhorov wants to pay eight bajillion rubles for some random scrub in an ill-advised trade, you know Billy King won't be able to say nyet. (Hmm. Maybe they should have gotten Isiah Thomas...)

After all the talks about Kobe Bryant's defensive nemesis Raja Bell coming over to the dark side and joining the Lakers, he's actually now going to the Utah Jazz instead. I feel like re-reading Seven Seconds or Less just to relive Kobe being frustrated by Bell's defense.

(I just realized that after Leandro Barbosa's move, Steve Nash is the only 7SOL era Suns player left. Holy crap, where doe the time go? Meanwhile, the Suns now have... Hedo Turkoglu Turkododo. Sigh. Erm, I mean, ball.)

Yahoo! Sports' Adrian Wojnarowski ran some surprisingly harsh smack on Twitter last night over several tweets:

Just hung up the phone with agent Mark Bartelstein, who's irate over Hornets empty suit Hugh Weber reneging on a contract for Luther Head.

After firing Jeff Bower as GM, Weber is trying the slimy trick of 'failing' a healthy player on a physical to back out of a deal Bower made.

Weber is one more clown act running a team who doesn't know if the ball is stuffed or blown. With Shinn, he undermined Bower at every turn.

Ouch...

Update! I just stumbled on this link: Ron Artest having a "Fuck LeBron" party?

Did you know -- or care -- that the ESPY Awards were held last night? Yeah, neither did pretty much anybody else in the free world. The ESPYs haven't been any fun since this high point some twelve years ago. Anyway, Phil Jackson and Kobe Bryant both won awards. Sigh. However, the one bright spot? "Denver Nuggets coach George Karl received the Jimmy V ESPY for Perseverance. He missed games and practices last season while battling neck and throat cancer. A thinner Karl appeared well, although he didn't come backstage." Crap. Now I actually wish I would have watched a few minutes of the ESPYs now just to see that. Glad to hear George Karl is feeling a bit better.

By the way, hope you're ready for the lockout! Goddamnit.

One last non-NBA item I need to share: holy hell, John Daly is back! I'm sure this won't last, so enjoy it while you can.

Update! Andy Gray just posted this picture on his SI Vault Twitter feed. "Bret Michaels, John Daly, John Daly's son and John Daly's son's middle finger." Enjoy!

Labels: Golden State Warriors, Knee-Mac, New Jersey Nets, nobody gives a damn about the ESPY Awards, Phoenix Suns, Shaun Livingston

I bet 'Melo wishes he could have "blacked out" again last night...
The Boston Celtics: Let us harken back to the words of Paul Pierce, as reported in yesterday's WotN post:

"We want to be the champs. That's the minimum level [of achievement to consider the season a success]. I don't care what our record is. I don't care how we've played. Our minimum level is winning the championship. That's been our goal since we brought the team together, and that's not changed." But is it realistic? "Yeah," Pierce said. "Without question."

Those are some mighty big words, and a good way for the Celtics to back them up would have been to shut down the Bulls in Chicago last night, thereby giving them a chance to wrest the third seed in the Eastern Conference away from the Atlanta Hawks.

But that didn't happen.

Instead, Derrick Rose (career-high 39) and Kirk Hinrich (season-high 30) combined for 69 points -- including 27 in the fourth quarter -- to beat Boston 101-93. This drops the Celtics to fourth in the East and means a second-round matchup with the Cleveland Craboliers. Assuming the C's can make it that far. I mean, it's a bad sign that a team specifically built around defense was beaten by two guys.

Boston has lost six of the last nine games.

Said Pierce: "One game left and we've got everyone healthy going into the playoffs, which was the No. 1 goal of the season."

Wait, I thought winning the title was your number one goal, Paul. Sounds like you've revised your expectations. Which is probably appropriate.

Rasheed Wallace: After his latest stink bomb -- a 1-for-7 shooting performance, 0-for-2 on threes -- I'm officially going to start calling chuck-it-up games from overpaid (and overrated) bench players "taking a 'Sheed." It's the same as taking a dump, only you're pooping directly onto your teammates. Note I almost named this a "dirty 'Sheedchez" after, well, you know.

Anyway, the best part of Wallace's dreadful showing was that he scored as many points for the Bulls as he did for the Celtics. Oh, yes. As Basketbawful reader Adrian said: "Holy shit. Sheed just choked on a rebound so hard he put it back in the Bulls' basket. Now I've seen it all. Only two years left with him, Boston!"


Added Basketbawful reader winnetou: "While looking for a short clip of the events Adrian mentioned, I also came across a longer video mentioning that he had actually done this before, in November '08. Unfortunately, the video only really celebrates the cAnswer without showing Sheed's bawful moments, so all that I can link is the ESPN recap."

But wait! There's more! Watch 'Sheed not even try to contest Rose's slam. Why be in the poster, right?


What a bum.

John Paxson: And you probably thought that firing a guy on Christmas eve was the biggest superdick move Paxson could pull. Well, I'm not sorry you were so totally wrong. The latest: After a recent home loss to the Phoenix Suns, Pax grabbed coach Vinny Del Negro by the tie, jabbed him in the chest a couple times and challenged him to a fight. Why, you ask? Because Vinny played Joakim Noah -- who had recently missed 10 games with plantar fasciitis -- two minutes and five seconds longer than the 25-minute limit Bulls management had mandated. Seriously.

Stay classy, John Paxson!

Jerry Reinsdorf has dispatched lawyers to investigate the incident. Paxson, not surprisingly, has not been available for comment. This is what Vinny had to say: "I'm not going to comment. I go about my job every day no matter what happens. I'm a competitor. I've been involved in the game a long time. I love the challenge of it. All the other things that happen pretty much stay internally."

Said Bulls spokesman Tim Hallam "This is an organizational issue, which we will handle internally."

Added Joakim Noah: "I don't want to talk about it. Things happen in an organization. ... I don't think it's fair for us as players to be talking about that stuff. It's nothing. Really, it's nothing."

Uhm, no offense, Jo, but a boss physically abusing -- some would even say "attacking" -- his employee is something. Something pretty bad. Something most people in the real world would probably lose their jobs over. However, it's more likely Paxson will remain with the organization while Vinny gets the boot as soon as the season ends, either tonight or after a first round sweep by the Crabs.

Sounds fair, right?

The Gol_en State Warriors: Now that Nellie is the NBA's winningest coach ever, people have stoppped caring about the Warriors again. Which is how it should be. So, fittingly, I don't care enough to recap Gol_en State's home loss to the Jazz. I'll simply leave you with this: Devean George scored a season-high 21 points for the Warriors. Doesn't that sort of say all you need to know?

The Denver Nuggets: With homecourt advantage in the playoffs on the line, the Nuggets...lost 123-101 to the Suns in Phoenix. And the beating was actually worse than that. So bad, in fact, that Steve Nash and Amar''''''e Stoudemire sat out the entire fourth quarter. The Suns -- who knew the Nuggets had played the night before -- ran out to an 18-2 lead and Denver never really recovered.

And this is the team that's supposed to challenge the Lakers in the playoffs?

The Suns shot almost 54 percent from the field and went 14-for-24 from downtown...including 11-for-17 during the first three quarters.

Said Chauncey Billups: "Man, there's really nobody that's going to beat them when they shoot like that."

I've heard hands in faces can help with that, Chauncey. Speaking of Mr. Big Shot...

Chauncey Billups: Remember when the talk was always about how Billups owned Nash? Well, last night Captain Canada had 18 points and 10 assists in three quarters (despite a tough shooting night), while Mr. Big Shot went 1-for-6 from beyond the arc and didn't register a single assist in 33 minutes of PT.

The Sacramento Kings: The best thing about their 106-100 loss to the Mamba-less Lakers? The Purple Paupers are now one game closer to the end of their season. Hip-hip-HOOOORAY!!!

(Still, letting Shannon Brown -- 24 points on 10-for-19 shooting -- pull a Kobe impersonation on them was pretty embarrassing. Assuming they have any shame left.)

You know who's sad this year's crapfest is coming to it's crappy end? Paul Westphal: "Honestly, I'm sorry it's over. I really like this team. We knew that we had a hill to climb, and the journey is just beginning. We added eight more wins and added some players we can build around, so by any measure, there was improvement. The first thing is that we had to compete this year. We did that, and one of these days, we'll learn how to win."

...

Lacktion report: Only one entry for chris's daily lacktion update:

Celtics-Bulls: Flip Murray bricked twice and fouled once in 4:24 for a CELEBRATORY +3!

Labels: Boston Celtics, Denver Nuggets, Golden State Warriors, john paxson, Rasheed Wallace, Sacramento Kings, Worst of the Night

I want it so "Aw, it's okay, Vinny." But it isn't. It really isn't.
The Boston Celtics: When Danny Ainge went balls out to acquire Kevin Garnett and Ray Allen back in 2007, the only undercurrent of fear was that the Celtics might have mortgaged their future for instant gratification. Hey, it's the American way, right? But by the time Boston won 66 games and beat the hated Lakers in the 2008 NBA Finals, those fears seemed totally unjustified.

But right now, in April of 2010, those fears have been totally justified.

Danilo Gallinari scored a career-high 31 points, Earl Barron finished with 17 points and a career-best 18 rebounds in his first NBA start in two years after spending most of this season in the freaking D-League, and the once mighty Celtics lost to the Bricks in New York despite shooting 54 percent from the field (compared to 44 percent for the Bricks).

Did I mention that the New Yorkers were without Knee-Mac (sore left knee), Al Harrington (sore left ankle) and Wilson Chandler (sore left groin)?

Not only were the Celtics -- who bobbled away the win by committing 18 turnovers -- outrebounded 44-34, but they looked like the Three Stooges Plus Two on their final play, during which they couldn't even get off a shot before the buzzer. The final score: Brick 104, Celtics 101.

Outplayed and (worse) outworked by the undermanned and one-defeat-away-from-50-losses Bricks. It's a new low in a season full of them for these Celtics.

The Toronto Craptors: The Craptors let the Crabs shoot 56 percent as LeBron James and Mo Williams combined for 25 assists, equaling the total output of everbody on the Toronto roster. Can you tell the Craptors are fighting for the eighth and final playoff spot in the East?

As if the loss wasn't bad enough, Chris Bosh suffered a "maxilla and nasal fracture to the right side of his face" thanks to an atomic elbow from Antawn Jamison. No word yet on Bosh's status for Toronto's remaining games.

FINISH HIM!!!
Despite all the blood and Bosh's near decapitation, 'Tawn was genuinely surpised he almost killed a man: "I didn't think it was that severe. But once he went down, you knew it was. I didn't think I hit him that hard at all. It was just a bad angle and an unfortunate play. Freakish things like that happen." Jamison the rested the elbow on a trainer's table, which promptly blew the fuck up.

Here's some extra funny from an anonymous commenter:

I just heard some amazing commentary from the craptors' home feed:

Announcer 1: Hey, they gave us one green die, makes me feel like Vegas. (rolls a 6)

Announcer 2: Woah! Oh, the Raptors have 6 games remaining. Why don't you roll that again and see how many of those they're going win?

(*I think you see where this is going*)

Announcer 1: (rolls die-pauses) Why don't I try that again?

Proceeds to roll 3 more times before commercial break, never announcing how many games the Craps will win.

Sonny Weems, quote machine: "Every game we've played [the Cavaliers], it's been real close. I don't think they want that in the first round of the playoffs. We're going to come to play."

The Chicago Bulls: After a season full of bad breaks and dumb luck, the Bulls finally had things going their way. Toronto, the team standing between the Bulls and a playoff berth, got beat in Cleveland and Chris Bosh was nearly manslaughtered. And Chicago's opponent, the Miwaukee Bucks, had already lost Andrew Bogut for the season so he could recover from surgery on his broken hand. If you believe in statistical voodoo like PER, Win Shares an common sense, then you know Bogut was Milwaukee's best player.

So, to sum up: All the Bulls had to do to tie the Bosh-less Craptors in the standings was win a critical home game against the Bogut-less Bucks.

I'm sure you see where this is going.

The Bulls squandered a 13-point first-quarter lead by scoring a season-low 9 points in the second period and went on to lose despite holding the Bucks to 79 points on 36 percent shooting. John Salmons haunted his former team by scoring a game-high 26 points and making critcal plays down the stretch. Speaking of critcal plays down the stretch...

Vinny Del Negro: So the Bulls were down by three points with under 10 seconds to go, and this is what they got coming out of a timeout: A Brad Miller turnover after the big man tried to charge the hoop from 20 feet away. Really? That's the best play the Bulls could come up with when there entire season was on the line?!

Even better. After a forced foul on Brandon Jennings, the Bulls were down four with about six seconds left. Chicago's play coming out of a timeout? A midrange jumper by Kirk Hinrich, who was 4-for-16 on the night.

The Philadelphia 76ers: It looked like Philly was going to get a much-needed break during a season of torture. After all, the Pistons shambled into the City of Brotherly Hate on an 11-game losing streak. What's more, Charlie Villanueva has been bitching about his life to the press and via Twitter. Let's face it: Detroit is a crappy team in disarray.

And yet...the Pistons transformed into road warriors, shooting 62 percent for the game and beating the Sixers 124-103 behind a season-high 18 points from Ben Wallace.

Said Philly coach Eddie Jordan: "Too bad there's not a Phillies game or another [Donovan] McNabb trade to keep you guys occupied. It was just a poor performance and no excuse."

Jordan then provided an excuse by blaming shoddy effort by Elton Brand and Sammy Dalembert.

Responded Dalembert: "He's the coach and he's the boss. He's not happy and we're not happy. I'm out there trying hard and hustling. I don't have a problem with the coach."

That's fine, Sam, because he won't be your coach much longer.

John Kuester, quote machine: "Our guys made a conscious effort to play defense." Note: The Sixers shot 52 percent for the game.

The Golden State Warriors: So much for Don Nelson passing Lenny Wilkins for most coaching wins in NBA history. The Warriors, due to illness and injury, were limited to only seven players and lost 112-94 to the Washington Wizards Generals Bullets.

Said Nellie: "Not a very good effort, but when we start running out of bodies ... I wish I could've rested some guys more, but you've got to have five guys on the court at all times. If I could've got away with three, I would've done it."

I bet.

Here's some more Warrior fail, courtesy of ESPN Stats and Information: The Warriors have lost 15 of their last 17 road games. This loss dropped them to 1-18 when scoring fewer than 100 points this season. And, finally, Gol_en State has allowed more than 100 points in 19 straight games.

But wait, there's more! From the AP recap: "Nick Young scored a season-high 29 points, JaVale McGee set career highs with 25 points and 15 rebounds, Shaun Livingston matched a career-high with 21 points on 9-for-11 shooting and Andray Blatche added 21 points, giving the Wizards four 20-point scorers for the first time since December 2007."

People just love playing the Warriors.

The Memphis Grizzlies: Last night's 113-103 home loss to the slumping Rockets was best symbolized by Houston's 33-16 advantage in free throw attempts.

Said Trevor Ariza: "We fought so hard during the early part of the season to get into the playoffs. Now, to know that you have no chance is kind of tough to get motivated. That part caught up with us in the first half. Then, we realized we were playing for pride. We're playing for our team, our franchise, our families, and we started picking it up."

Too bad the same thing can't be said about the Memphis players.

The Excremento Kings: Blah, blah, blah, Paupers lost. Yeah, we know. But with their 95-86 victory in Sacramento, the Spurs have won 16 of their last 21 games and have officially been described as "surging." I couldn't help but notice the "surging" tag has been a kiss of death this season. Every time a team is described that way, bad things start to happen. The watch is on!

Defense: How 'bout that Thunder-Jazz game, huh? Yes, it was exciting. It was also a defenseless stat-padder that ended 140-39. From ESPN Stats and Information: "Deron Williams (42 points, 10 assists, one turnover) set a career-high for points, recorded his first 40-point, 10-assist game of his career and recorded just the 19th 40-point, 10-assist game with one or fewer turnovers since 1986-87. ... Carlos Boozer (28 points, 15 rebounds) picked up his 53rd double-double of the season. ... Kevin Durant (45 points) notched his 11th career 40-point game and became the leading scorer in the NBA through Tuesday."

How were the Gol_en State Warriors not involved in this game?

The Jazz and Thunder combined for 184 field goal attempts and 78 foul shots. But lack of D aside, the worst aspect of this game was quite clearly...

Officiating: Here's C.J. Miles' "block" of Kevin Durant's last-second shot in the Thunder-Jazz game. Apparently, arm is now part of the ball.


Update! Mike Bibby: From Basketbawful reader anne: "Just read the injury list - 'M. Bibby, ATL, PG - Ingrown toenail.' Does anything more need to be added? No, but geez, someone send him some Midol and a box of Tampax. I think I would have told them to put 'flu-like symptoms' instead if he's just wanting to rest before the playoffs." Speaking of the Bibster, he's earned exactly 77 free throws in 76 starts this season. His 1.0 FTA per game average is indeed a career low. I guess he's no fan of contact.

The NCAA Womens Championship Game: To this I say: Gak. Here's what Basketbawful reader DKH had to say: "OK, I didn't watch the women's championship game, but from the box score, that game must have just been full of bawful. Field goal percentages for the two teams: 26.5% and 32.8%. Connecticut enjoyed a 22-to-4 free throw attempt advantage (but only a 9-to-3 free throws made advantage [yes, 40.9% FT%; they must think they're Ben Wallace]). Not to mention Connecticut's 12 point first half, or that Stanford had only scored 2 second-half points when there were 12 minutes to go in the game."

Responded Basketbawful reader gordon gartrelle: "But...the women's game is so pure, so fundamentally sound! They play the way the game was meant to be played!"

Lacktion report: Now for chris's latest lacktivity update:

Hawks-Bobcats: Derrick Brown donned a plumber's hat and overalls in 22 seconds for a celebratory Mario!

Raptors-Crabs: Leon Powe let the ball slip from his claws once in 2:49 for a +1 suck differential, while Daniel Green pinched out a full 1.2 trillion (1:12) worth of greenbacks!

Bucks-Bulls: Hakim Warrick dreamed of a spot in the lacktion ledger, and after 4:21 in which he fouled twice and committed a turnover, he managed a +3!

Thunder-Jazz: Othyus Jeffers bricked once and fouled twice in 1:47 for a +3.

Spurs-Kings: One player on each squad got the chancce to play the Lost Levels: Ian Mahinmi of San Antonio with a 35-second Mario, and Jon Brockman with a 23-second stint of 8-bit video gaming for the purple paupers!

Labels: Boston Celtics, Chicago Bulls, Golden State Warriors, Memphis Grizzlies, officiating, Philadelphia 76ers, Sacramento Kings, Toronto Raptors, Vinny Del Negro, Worst of the Night

(Okay, so maybe this is not as awesome as the original NBA Jam, but just go with it.)

While I was in Reno for my bowling tournament the other week, Chris drove up from Sactown to hang out, take some pictures from the tournament, and play some bubble hockey. Chris stayed at the Circus Circus hotel and casino. For those not familiar with it, it's the "family-friendly" casino hotel that has a giant arcade area complete with midway games, etc. It also ends up being a nice diversion from gambling for the grownups. While wandering around the midway area near the bubble hockey table, we discovered it:

Yes.
An officially NBA-licensed arcade basketball game? Sweet. Featuring the Warriors and the Kings?? Hell freaking yes.

Sadly, the Warriors side was not for sale.

The Kings side was broken. How appropriate.
Obviously we had to play it. At only 50 cents per game, it's a downright steal. Because, hey, unlike the tiny little Pop-a-Shot I have in my basement, the electronics actually work and it actually keeps score! Well, one side did at least. Since the Kings side was down, only one of us could play at a time. Fortunately, this gave Chris plenty of opportunity to take pictures!

Here's something the Warriors normally see on the other side of the court more often -- the net swishing after a made basket

I am so white. Shouldn't I be playing a Pacers Pop-a-Shot game?
(I also have no idea why those white spots are showing up on my face -- it's probably some kind of chromatic abberation from the camera and lighting. That, or I unknowingly got jizzed on when the dealers at the blackjack tables were screwing me and nobody told me to clean myself up. Either or.)

I nearly ate a Wilsonburger from a long rebound. The ball took a funny bounce off the back of the rim and flew at me with tremendous force. Somehow this seemed appropriate.

When Chris and I informed Bawful of our discovery, he replied "I can only hope you chucked up as many ill-advised shots as possible, in true spirit of the Warriors."

Oh yes, I was a SWAC. I totally chucked up ill-advised shots all the time.
(Don't worry, I gave my tickets away to some random little kid so he could redeem them for cheaply made junk valuable prizes)

Labels: arcade game, Boomshakalaka, Golden State Warriors, Reno, Sacramento Kings

I might be totally imagining this, but the Mavericks' "defense"seems to be aging Mark Cuban at an accelerated rate.
The Orlando Magic: "Vinsanity is back!"

You'll be reading that for the next couple days. At least until after the Magic play the Bulls in Chicago tomorrow night. And there's no doubt that Vince Carter had a throwback game, scoring 48 points on 19-for-27 from the field, 6-for-10 from downtown and 4-for-4 from the line. It was the third-highest point total of his career, behind only the 51 points he scored on February 27, 2000 for the Raptors against the Suns and the 51 points he dropped on the Heat while playing for the Nyets back on December 23, 2005.

And even though I really kind of hate VC, even I have to admit he looked pretty damn good last night. Step-back jumpers with a hand in his face, three-pointers while fading away over two guys, high-light reel-style layups over three guys. It was all pretty sweet...especially for a guy who shot 28 percent during the month of January. Carter also busted James Posey's ankles en route to a pro-hop layin.


You know a "but" is coming, right?

First of all, that performance was an abberation. Please undersstand this. Carter had what was, in essence, the third-best game of his career. And it's no coincidence it happened during a game that felt a helluva lot more like "Warriors versus Knicks" than "Chris Paul-less Hornets versus the Magic."

The final score was 123-117. Both teams shot over 50 percent: Orlando knocked down better than 54 percent of their field goal attempts while New Orleans hit nearly 52 percent from the field and 50 percent from beyond the arc.

This was not a defensive struggle, people.

And even though the Magic won, they fell behind by 17 points to a team without its best player and had to get a vintage scoring explosion from Vince Carter to eke out a six-point win at home.

Vince Carter, quote machine: Regarding his recent return from the icy grips of Basketball Death: "It's a new month. A new month brings new things. The past is the past, and it's going to be that. I've had rough months. That's just how it goes. And I know the expectations, and you work so hard to have an impressive resume, so it's expected each and every night. I understand that, and I don't have a problem with that. I don't mind being booed because I know what I can do. So I was just going to continue to play and shine through."

The _allas Mavericks: The slumping Mavericks outscored their opponent 37-19 in the fourth quarter to pull out a much-needed come-from-behind win. On the road, no less. And yet here they are in Worst of the Night.

That's because the opponent was the Gol_en State Warriors. And there were circumstances. And they were mitigating.

Calling the Warriors "injury plagued" is like calling Avatar "somewhat poorly written." They essentially played six men. Corey Maggette sat out with a finger injury. Devean George had flu-like symptoms. Vladimir Radmanovich missed the game with an Achilles injury. C.J. Watson (six minutes) and Chris Hunter (one minute) made token appearances. And Monta Ellis (27 points, 5 rebounds, 5 assists, 4 steals) had to leave during the fourth quarter due to a right knee injury. So, you know, make it five men.

And yet the Warriors finished with 117 points.

Some people will tell you that the Warriors dropped 70 points in the first half -- the most points scored in a single half by an _allas opponent all season -- before the Mavs "cranked up the defense down the stretch." Right. I'm here to tell you _allas took advantage of a tired team that had no bench to speak of. Stephen Curry (25 points, 9 assists) logged 48 minutes. Anthony Morrow (career-high 33 points, 11 boards, 4 assists) played 45. Monta Ellis missed four minutes...and that was only because he got hurt. Anthony Tolliver (14 points, 11 rebounds) put in 37 minutes off the bench (the only Warrior reserve to get serious time) and freaking Ronny Turiaf ended up with 35 minutes.

Trust me: Turiaf would not be logging that much time unless absolutely necessary. So please, let's not try to claim the Mavericks shut anybody down in the end game.

By the way, the Mavericks have now rallied from a double-digit deficit in 11 games, the most of any team in the NBA. And while that sounds impressive, that only means they've had to come back from double-digit deficits 11 times. Plus they've had 10 one-point victories, which is also an NBA "best."

All of which means: When I look at their 32-19 record, it just seems a little fishy to me.

The Gol_en State Warrors: Injured? Yes. Tired? Also yes. But facts are facts. They choked away a 14-point lead, gave up 127 points on 52 percent shooting (including almost 55 percent from downtown) and lost their season-worst ninth straight game (including five in a row at home).

And did I mention they're now tied with the Minnesota Timberpoops for the title of Worst Team in the Western Conference?

The San Antonio Spurs: For the first time this season, the Spurs are completely healthy. The Lakers, on the other hand, were without Kobe Bryant (bum foot) and Andrew Bynum (bruised hip cranky vagina). Should have been a gimme for San Antonio, right?

Sorry. These aren't your older brother's Spurs.

Pau Gasol (21 points, 18 rebounds, 8 assists, 5 blocked shots) not only outplayed Tim Duncan (16 points, 14 boards, 4 blocks), he also kinda proved that he -- and not a certain Black Mamba -- is L.A.'s foundation player. The Lakers really struggled without Gasol earlier this season. Yet in two games without Kobe Bryant, L.A. snapped a five-year losing streak in Portland by blowing out the Frail Blazers on Saturday, and last night they notched a double-digit home win over the Spurs.

Crazy.

The Lakers are now 55-33 all-time when Kobe sits out. Of course, Kobe apologists will be quick to point out that they're 19-23 in 42 games without him since the 2003-04 season. BUT...10 of those losses happened during the 2004-05 season. For the record, that was the first post-Shaq season. You know, the year Rudy Tomjanovich bailed on the team and and Kobe struggled with injuries down the stretch, forcing the Lakers to go to war with a starting five of Caron Butler, Chucky Atkins, Devean Goerge, Brian Grant and Luke Walton.

So, again, mitigating circumstances.

But as much as I love to bust on Kobe, the real victims of this entry are the Spurs. And here's what stands out most about this loss: The fact that nothing really stands out. They shot poorly (42 percent), but so did the Lakers (43 percent). They finished with three fewer rebounds and three fewer assists. They committed 13 turnovers, but L.A. scored only six points off those miscues, whereas San Antonio scored 12 points off 10 Lakers turnovers The Spurs outscored L.A. 48-46 in the paint.

When you come right down to it, the Spurs just...they just got outplayed. The Lakers were the better team. Without Kobe. Without Bynum. With Shannon Brown going 3-for-13 in 37 minutes while starting in Byrant's place.

If you're a San Antonio fan, that's gotta be pretty depressing. In related news, the Spurs are now involved in a legal battle over George Hill's genitals. And no, I'm not kidding.

The Nobel Peace Prize nomination process: Nominated? The Internet. Seriously. [H/T AnacondaHL.]

Lacktion report: Chris maintains his love affair with lacktion:

Hornets-Magic: Emeka Okafor bricked and fouled four times against two boards to earn a 4:2 Voskuhl in 9:01. Sean Marks also got into the Voskuhl category with a 3:1 ratio in 6:28, negating a board with three fouls. Meanwhile, former Clipper Jason Hart tossed a turnip in two seconds for a Super Mario!!!

Mavs-Warriors: The Oracle may have seen 244 points from both teams in 48 minutes, but such expansion on the scoreboard certainly did not prevent lacktivity from occurring!

In a snoozer of a start performance, Eduardo Najera subbed for Erick Dampier and can now participate in insider trades with team owner Mark Cuban, due to his 3.15 trillion (3:10) check! And speaking of Cuban, his "virtually untradeable" pet project (http://espn.go.com/blog/dallasmavericks/post/_/id/4665553/cuban-beaubois
-is-pretty-much-untouchable), Rodrigue Beaubois, earned himself a +4 suck differential in 1:49 via a pair of both fouls and giveaways.

For Team Nellieball, CJ Watson also earned a +4 in 6:18, via a trio of fouls and a singular loss of the rock. Also collecting wealth (enough to make Oracle founder Larry Ellison proud) was Chris Hunter, who earned a 1.05 trillion (1:03).

Spurs-Lakers: DJ Mbenga can now buy a home in Beverly Hills after collecting a celebratory 1.3 trillion (1:18)!

Labels: Dallas Mavericks, Golden State Warriors, Kobe Bryant, Los Angeles Lakers, Orlando Magic, San Antonio Spurs, Vince Carter

Your current status: Pitied, fool!
Basketbawful called me up, said fools were being unpitied and jibba-jabba was going unchallenged! Well, no mo', suckas. Mr. T is here to change all that.

Greg Oden: A few years ago, some fool tried to give me one 'a those health sammiches from Subway. I took one bite 'a that thing and said, "Where's the meat? This sandwich is full of weeds! I ain't eatin' nothing I don't understand!" Well, when I made that request for meat, NSFW pictures of Greg Oden was not what I was askin' for, chumps!

I know it goes without sayin'...but I pity the fool that's gotta call a press conference to explain how his penis ended up on the Internet.


The Washington Wizards Generals Bullets: People ask what gives me the authority to give advice? I say, First of all, I don't give advice. Dr Phil gives advice. Mr T helps people. I motivate them, I inspire them, I give them hope, and I plant the seed so they can feel good about themselves. Hear me?!

Well, there ain't a damn thing I can say that's gonna make these chumps feel good about themselves. That'd be like tellin' the people who went down on the Titanic, "Don't worry, more boats are on the way, they'll be here right after you die of hypofreezia or whateve'."

Forget the fact that the Bullets let the Lakers shoot damn near 60 percent from the field. Those fools got owned by Shannon Brown. There ain't no shame in gettin' owned by Kobe Bryant. Dude is a former MVP. But Shannon Brown? They even let that dude sneak in and dunk a missed free throw. Take it from T: That's sad.


After the game, Antawn Jamison talked about how his team is without Gilbert Arenas and that other sucka who brought a gun into the team's locker room: "We've been through some crazy stuff that don't normally happen. I wish both guys could come back and play, but as a team, we've got to deal with what we have."

You know how Mr. T feels about excuses...I pity the fools who make 'em.

The Minnesota Timberwolves: What kind 'a chumps lose by 27 to a team that just lost by 50 the other night? These chumps, that's who. The Timberfools let the Knicks hit 17 threes. Teams who can't lift up their damn hands and get 'em in peoples faces don't even deserve pity. They deserve pain.

According to whatever sucka keeps track 'a this stuff, New York's 27-point win is the largest margin of victory in NBA history by a team coming off a 50-point loss. What's mo', the Knicks became the third NBA team to ever win by 20 or more the game after losing by 50. So I may not have any pity for the Timberfool, but history sho' does.

The Phoenix Suns: I remember one time I tried to pity this fool. He told me his name was Jeff. He was married. He pulled out his wallet and showed me three pictures of his kids; Kelly, Robert, Brittany. Real cute kids. Don't get too close man. It's hard to pity a fool if you get too close.

Well, that's how I feel about these chumps. I like the Suns. I like Steve Nash. I like Grant Hill. I don't like Amar''''''e Stoudemire. That's one fool I truly pity. But I like the rest 'a them guys. But after last night, the Suns have lost seven times in their last nine games, and they're 12-18 since starting the season 14-3. What's even more pitiable, the Bobcats came into this game 3-17 on the road. You gotta protect your home, fools!

You also gotta protect the ball. You can't be givin' up no 19 points off no 24 turnovers. Yeah, I'm talkin' to you, Steve (6 TOs), and you, Amar''''''e (5 TOs).

The Golden State Warriors: According to record-tracking suckas, the Kings came into this game having lost 14 of their last 16 games, and both of their wins came against the same chump team that was missin' one of their best players both times. As a kid, I got three meals a day. Oatmeal, miss-a-meal and no meal. Well, the Kings haven't even had that. They've been dieting on pity and failure.

Well, that's what the fool Warriors had for dinner last night. Those chumps shot 31 percent from the field, with Grand Master Chump Corey Maggette going 3-for-22. How does some fool end up going 3-for-22 anyway? When you ain't hitting shots, you stop shootin', fool! If I'm tryin' to punch people in the face, but I keep missing their faces, I'd do something else, like take out their knees, or maybe kick 'em the jimmies. Take it from T: You gotta diversify, fools!

Seriously, there were so many fools in this game, even Mr. T can't pity 'em all. So here's my official Warriors-Kings Pity List: Corey Maggette, Vladimir Radmanovic (0-for-1 in 7 minutes), Cartier Martin (6-for-15), Ronny Turiaf (ugly sumbitch), Anthony Tolliver (2-for-11), Kevin Martin (1-for-9)...and pretty much everybody else.

Lacktion report: My buddy Chris ain't no fool. Read his lacktion report or I will be forced to pity you!

Lakers-Bullets: Luke Walton clearly is blessed with better health than his famous father, as his knees did not explode under the load of a Koopa shell for a 2 second Super Mario! For Washington, Javale McGee fired back at the Hammer Brothers for a 30 second Mario.

Wolves-Knicks: Brian Cardinal fouled once in 3:31 for a +1 suck differential, while New York's Jordan Hill climbed a singular mountain of masonry for the same suck differential score in 1:10.

Bucks-Mavs: Jodie Meeks and Quinton Ross each tossed one brick from Fountain Place for a +1 - Meeks in 1:44 and Ross in 3:46.

Bobcats-Suns: In an overtime victory, DeSagana Diop and Stephen Graham celebrated with enough money to buy themselves vintage pairs of Air Jordans, with 5.2 trillion (5:14) and a 6.3 trillion (6:20) cashouts respectively!

Warriors-Kings: As Nellieball nearly caught the purple paupers napping in the second half AGAIN, until a bizarre foul call on Corey Maggette brought the boogie night to a close for East Oakland's non-defensive showcase (a showcase, which BTW, gave the Sacramento-era baby royals their BEST EVER rebounding performance as a team with 68!!!!!)...

Starting forward Vladimir Radmanovic tossed one brick, lost the rock once, and took a foul for a +3 in 7:18.

Speaking of Maggette, while he didn't lack it up - how can you with 19 points - he DID score a Dantley after baking masonry 19 out of 22 times from the field, but making a full 13 of 16 attempts from the stripe!

Labels: Golden State Warriors, Greg Oden, guest author, guest celebrity, Minnesota Timberwolves, Mr. T, New York Knicks, Washington Bullets, Worst of the Night