The Boston Celtics: For a half, the Celtics looked like they just might steal Game 2 in New York. They shot 50 percent (8-for-16) in the first quarter and 61 percent (11-for-18) in the second. And during that second quarter, they limited the Knicks to 4-for-17 shooting and led by as many as nine points (48-39). It honest-to-goodness looked like coach Doc Rivers had made all the defensive and offensive adjustments necessary for his team to win.

Labels: 2013 NBA Playoffs, Boston Celtics, Brandon Jennings, Denver Nuggets, Milwaukee Bucks

The realization that his team is godawful was very sudden, and very disturbing for poor Monta Ellis
Here's a must-see from Kelly Dwyer on Ball Don't Lie: how Rajon Rondo and Brandon Jennings are rehabilitating. See? Professional athletes aren't so different from the rest of us! They also sit! They just do it, you know, to play a racing arcade game in their damn house, or watch three TVs at once.

Also, solid piece from the Washington Post on Gilbert Arenas and his tired act.

And quickly, I did receive a quick response from Marc Stein about the Frail Blazers nickname thing I mentioned last night: "Will write that somewhere when opening arises". So there you go. I have no idea if we coined the nickname or not (it's so obvious that I doubt it), but it's certainly been around for awhile.

Worst of the Night in Pictures:

"I made Gilbert cry! Mission accomplished."

So delightfully awkward

Someone go tell Rambis he isn't at an Atlanta Braves game

Huh. I figured it would take more than one game for Vince Carter to drive Steve Nash to madness

Nationally Televised Games:
Mavericks at Magic, NBA TV, 7pm: Dallas has won its last four games in Orlando, the Magic are in a slump, and they now have Hedo and Gilbert Arenas. I do not feel particularly optimistic about Orlando's chances tonight...

All The Other Games:
Thunder at Bobcraps, 7pm: The Thunder don't want to lose two consecutive games, and they get to face an offense that's nearly as terrible as Milwaukee's. Not to mention the Bobcraps aren't feeling terribly good about themselves. Per Stephen Jackson: "We're just terrible on all cylinders." Well, there's your problem, Captain Jack. You're a basketball team, not a car! Silly Bobcraps...

76ers at Bulls, 8pm: It's official: ESPN.com has referred to the Sixers as "surging." That is, of course, code for "sucking less than usual."

Nyets at Grizzlies, 8pm: The poor Nyets are about to play 10 of 13 on the road. I'm sure this will go well. Don't waste your time watching this game. You'll get a better sports viewing fix by watching the Lorchcast:

I think I've posted this here before, but the Lorchcast is worth another viewing
Warriors at Kings, 10pm: The Purple Paupers -- winners of five (5!) games this season -- are favored 66% to 34% in this game according to AccuScore computer simulations. Ladies and gentlemen, the Golden State Warriors!

Bucks at Lakers, 10:30pm: The Lakers like to beat up on bad teams. The Bucks are missing Brandon Jennings, Carlos Delfino, and Corey Maggette. I fully expect this game to look something like this:

Labels: Bawful After Dark, Golden State Warriors, Milwaukee Bucks, Sacramento Kings

Naturally, Boozer was injured shortly after this picture was taken. I'm kinda surprised he got through the press conference without a strained hammy.
The Chicago Bulls

The Bulls have nine new players and a new coaching staff. Sure, management whiffed on their attempts to sign LeBron James, Dwyane Wade and/or Chris Bosh. But all is not lost. They have a former All-Star (Carlos Boozer), a couple of possible future All-Stars (Joakim Noah and Taj Gibson), and a budding Superstar (Derrick Rose). They imported shooters (Kyle Korver, C.J. Watson, Keith Bogans), an athlete (Ronnie Brewer) and a crafty veteran (Kurt Thomas). Oh, and they have Luol Deng. For 60-65 games anwway. If they're lucky.

Of course, Boozer set a personal record by getting injured before he'd even played a single preseason game. By falling over a bag. At home. Seriously. The dude probably won't be back until December. Meanwhile, Ronnie Brewer (sore hamstring), C.J. Watson (strained left quadriceps), Taj Gibson (sore right heel) and now Kyle Korver (cyst in his left ankle) have all had ticky-tac injuries. If a window mysteriously slams shut on Noah's hands or a piano falls out of the sky and lands on Rose, I'm going to start thinking the Curse of the Billy Goat has been transferred from the Cubs to the Bulls (with a brief layover at Soldier Field to hit Jay Cutler with another 23 sacks).

With Boozer out, the Bulls might be a casualty of their schedule: In November -- a stretch of 13 games -- Chicago faces eight playoff teams and a Houston squad that should return to the playoffs if Yao Ming can stay healthy for a change. After a tough opening stretch in which they face the Trail Blazers (home), Celtics (road) and Nuggets (home), the Bulls close out the month with a brutal seven-game road trip that features two sets of back-to-backs and consecutive games against the Rockets, Spurs, Mavericks, Lakers, Suns and Nuggets.

And did I mention this team has a league-high 23 sets of back-to-back games?

There's really no figuring out how good the Bulls will be until Boozer is back and manages to shake off the rust from his layoff. But injuries -- seriously, can we just schedule Deng's 15-game absence in advance? -- and a rugged calendar of events will cap this team's potential at 40-45 games. Unless Rose and Noah can make a big leap up. Without falling back down and landing on their heads.

The Cleveland Cavaliers

At this point, it's hard to tell which would have been more devestating to Cleveland: LeBron James taking his talents to South Beach or just dropping a couple nukes on the city. I'm going to go with the LeBron thing. At least the nukes would have been quick and less heartwrenching. Who wouldn't prefer instant incineration or death by radiation poisoning to the hopeless pining for your former hero? Let's face it, King Crab didn't just stab Cleveland in the back, he treated the wound with a lemon juice and acid drip. Every triple-double he has for the Heat will just be another shot to the city's crotch. That's what Clevelanders are in store for: 82 games worth of kicks to the groin.

So what's left? Even with a back-to-back MVP, this squad couldn't make it to the NBA Finals. Heck, last season, the Cavs didn't even reach the Eastern Conference Finals. Now it's Mo Williams, Anthony Parker, Antawn Jamison, J.J. Hickson and Anderson Varejao against The World. I don't know about you, but my money's on The World. And I'm betting big.

It's hard to determine what kind of ceiling this team has -- will they be runny, oozing poop or the hard, calcified kind? -- but I can tell you this much: When new coach Byron Scott falls asleep on the bench this season, he'll be dreaming wistfully of his past firings and begging for the sweet, sweet release his next axing will bring.

The Detroit Pistons

During the summer of 2009, Joe Dumars lost his damn mind and dropped $90 million on Ben Gordon and Charlie Villanueva. (Every time I type that sentence, I have-wonder whether I've lost control of my fingers.) Mind you, those signings happened in the immediate aftermath of trading Chauncey Billups -- only the heart and soul of the freaking team -- for Allen Iverson, who basically quit the team after being relegated to a bench role (a fact that Dumars actually tried to hide by citing a back injury). Anyway, after Dumars obliterated the team's cap space for the foreseeable future, the Pistons suffered all sorts of injuries and essentially fell apart.

And you know what? For Dumars, that was the best thing that could have happened. The injuries provided a smokescreen and built-in excuse for failure. "But, but, but...we were injured, man! Wait 'till next year!"

Yeah, well, next year is here, Joe.

Take a gander at this team's roster. The starting point guard (Rodney Stuckey) isn't a point guard (according to ESPN's John Hollinger, Stuckey ranked 64th out of 71 point guards in assist ratio). Their starting shooting guard (Rip Hamilton) is in the midst of a steady decline and his backup (Gordon) is a defenseless gunner. Tayshaun Prince still does a little bit of everything well, but nothing great. Villanueva is a spotty shooter (who loves to shoot!) and a lousy defender. Ben Wallace is the team's starting center. I know he was better than expected last season, but that was mostly in comparison the dead, rotting body everybody thought he was. Trust me, he won't have a second rivival year.

The bench -- Jason Maxiell and Will Bynum in particular -- used to get a lot of hype, but the shine's off the apple. And Dumars brought in Tracy McGrady for...what exactly? Does the team get some kind of tax relief for taking on crippled players?

Detroit's offense is going to revolve around isolations, clearouts, relentless chucking of outside shots and whatever Big Ben can scrape up on the offensive glass. As for the defense, I hope Dumars spent whatever was left in the petty cash jar on matador capes. This team will be lucky to win 30 games. And trust me, those are going to be 30 of the ugliest games you're going to see this season.

The Indiana Pacers

Larry Bird's master plan for rebuilding the Pacers took a major blow this offseason when Bird willingly sacrificed one of his slow white players (Troy Murphy) in return for two African American players (Darren Collison and James Posey). It was a rare smart move by Bird, which makes me wonder whether he fell asleep at the Trade Machine, accidentally mashed some keys, and didn't wake up in time to cancel the deal. Larry, what happened? Didn't you realize there are still some white players in the league who aren't on your roster? I mean, did you even try to sign Kyle Korver? What's going on here?!

In all seriousness, I like the Collison acquisition for Indy. This team has been searching for a reliable point guard since Mark Jackson left. That's been a long time, by the way. Danny Granger is a strong scorer who doesn't do much else. (Me being me, I don't like the fact that he shot 42 percent from the field last year. Plus his durability is in question -- Granger has missed 15 and 20 games the past two seasons.) After those two guys, the Pacers have...uhm...what exactly? Think about it. Think really, really hard. Don't pop a vein or anything, though.

That's what I'm talking about. In 2003-04, the Pacers finished 61-21, which was the best record in the league. In 2004-05, Ron Artest lost his mind and destroyed the team, maybe forever. Since The Malice at the Palace, the Pacers have won 44, 41, 35, 36, 36 and 32 games. This season, they'll probably be just plucky enough to win another 35 games or so. If Larry keeps this up, they'll be a 35-win team for the rest of the decade.

I've said it before: God hates the Pacers.

The Milwaukee Bucks

The Bucks are generating some serious darkhorse buzz. And on paper, there's reason for optimism. Their starting lineup -- Brandon Jennings, John Salmons, Corey Maggette, Drew Gooden and Andrew Bogut -- are projected to be worth about 100 PPG this season. Plus, the Bucks have some reserves (Carlos Delfino, Luc Richard Mbah A Moute, Kenyon Dooling and Chris Douglas-Roberts) who can make some noise off the bench. And hey, what if Michael Redd regains what is known as "human function" in his surgically repaired knee? The sky is the limit, dear readers.

Oh, who am I kidding? Last season, Scott Skiles somehow kept from losing his shit despite the wildly misdirected shooting of Brandon Jennings. This year, he's going to have to deal with perennial underachievers in Maggette and Gooden. I can tell you from experience that Skiles doesn't handle underachievers very well. If his head hasn't exploded -- Scanners-style! -- by the trade deadline, we need to check his basement for Body Snatcher pods.

Should other NBA teams "Fear the Deer"? Maybe. The team's got talent (although I wonder where their three-point shooting is going to come from). And they overachieved last season even in the face of adversity and injuries. My take: This team looks better on paper than it actually is. The Bucks could win 45 games or so -- have you taken a look around the Eastern Conference? Blech! -- but do you think guys on the Celtics, Heat or Magic are quaking in their very expensive sneakers? Yeah. Me neither.

Labels: Chicago Bulls, Cleveland Cavaliers, Detroit Pistons, Indiana Pacers, Milwaukee Bucks, NBA season preview

On November 19, 2004, at The Palace of Auburn Hills in Auburn Hills, Michigan, Pistons fan John Green threw a cup of Diet Coke at Ron Artest. (It figures that such a bush league move would have been perpetrated by a man drinking a diet soda.) The cup hit Artest in the chest. Artest responded by rushing into the stands, thereby sparking what is probably the most infamous brawl in NBA history.

Afterward, David Stern issued the following statement:

The events at last night’s game were shocking, repulsive and inexcusable -- a humiliation for everyone associated with the NBA. This demonstrates why our players must not enter the stands whatever the provocation or poisonous behavior of people attending the games. Our investigation is ongoing and I expect it to be completed by tomorrow evening.

The NBA has taken the following actions, effective immediately:

1. Indiana players Ron Artest, Stephen Jackson and Jermaine O’Neal are suspended indefinitely, the length to be determined upon completion of the investigation.

2. Detroit player Ben Wallace is suspended indefinitely, the length to be determined upon completion of the investigation.

3. Review of rules and procedures relating to altercations and security have been undertaken so that fans can continue to attend our games unthreatened by events such as the ones that occurred last night.

The final talley was 146 games worth of suspensions (86 for Artest), which cost the players more than $11 million in salary (almost $5 million for Artest). The brawl -- which was lovingly nicknamed "The Malice at The Palace" -- went on to provide NBA experts and fans with the ultimate example of players behaving badly.

And yet...this stuff used to happen without setting off a complete media firestorm. Last February, I posted about how Cedric "Cornbread" Maxwell once went after a fan during Game 6 of one of the greatest playoff series of all time. Maxwell was fined $2,500 but didn't get suspended for a single game. He wasn't even ejected from that game.

Want another example you've probably never heard about? Of course you do.

On May 8, 1987, Kevin McHale -- with less than a half-minute left in overtime of Game 3 of the Bucks-Celtics semifinal playoff series -- charged into the Milwaukee crowd and confronted a courtside spectator. In full view of Oprah Winfrey no less! And by "confronted" I mean he grabbed the dude by his tie, after which the cream puff fell down. Then a ruckus ensued.

Here's the video. The action starts around the 20-second mark:


Surprisingly enough, the world did not wobble off its axis and fall into the sun. There were no earthquakes or natural disasters. Fans didn't freak out and the media didn't go berserk with 24/7 coverage of McHale's brutal attack. And McHale wasn't suspended. He played in Game 4 -- in the same arena, in front of the same fans -- and the Celtics won 138-137. Yes, that was the actual score.

On May 9, 1987, this was how the Boston Globe described the incident:

The fight began with 24 seconds left in overtime. The Bucks, who had blown a chance to win the game in regulation time, had climbed back to a 121-118 lead. McHale had fouled out by whacking the Bucks' Paul Pressey. The crowd had hooted because McHale is not exactly a favorite here, being viewed as a man who is accorded great basketball freedom by the referees while local tall timbers Jack Sikma, Paul Mokeski and Randy Breuer are called for simple jawalking and littering.

Upon reaching the bench, McHale was heckled by the familiar heckler.

"I'd been hearing him all game," McHale said. "He'd been cursing and cursing and cursing. Usually. I'm playing most of the game here, so I never hear the guy. Tonight I was on the bench and the guy would not shut up.

"Rrrrrrrrrrrrrr...how much are you going to take?"

Enough was enough and McHale stepped over the low seats that serve as the Boston bench and confronted the heckler. The trouble broke out like chicken pox. Fred Roberts was over the bench and equipment guy Joe Quatato was over and the rest of the Celtics followed. The heckler wound up lying on the gaily- painted Mecca floor wiyh a security guard's foot on his neck. The crowd wound up in a dither.

"It wasn't exactly the smartest thing I've ever did, but how much are you going to take?" McHale said. "Awww, in hockey they wouldn't even notice something like this."

And, in all honesty, "they" -- meaning the world at large -- barely took notice of this incident. Relatively speaking. Only McHale didn't realize it at the time.

The following story didn't run until the May 10 edition of the Boston Globe, almost two days after the incident:

MILWAUKEE - The morning newspapers had the pictures and they were something to see. Here was Boston Celtics forward Kevin McHale and there was assistant coach Jimmy Rodgers and here were the rest of the players on the Celtics bench and there were the policemen and...funny.

Twelve hours later the craziness of Friday night mostly seemed funny.

"My wife called me early," McHale said yesterday morning as he sat a few feet from the spot where the grand hoo-ha had happened in the closing moments of the Celtics' 126-121 overtime loss to the Milwaukee Bucks.

"The first thing she wanted to know was how much this was going to cost. I told her, 'Do you know that fishing boat I want to buy this summer? I think we'll be buying two of them, only one will be for the NBA office.' "

Funny.

Passion became slapstick in the morning sunlight. What did Kevin McHale do with 24 seconds left in the game? He stepped over the Celtics bench and collared some heckler who had been blabbing obscenities for the entire night? He grabbed the guy and then other people grabbed other people and suddenly there was this full-scale dance on the designer-patterned Mecca floor? The logic of the moment somehow had been transformed into the punch line of today. Clint Eastwood became Joe Piscopo.

"I was really mad," McHale said. "The guy was just saying terrible things. The security people told me that Moses Malone and Tree Rollins both had gone after him earlier this year. He's sitting there and he has a 4-year-old kid next to him and he's just saying the rottenest swear words and I just went for him.

"As soon as I did, the guy just got the weasliest look on his face, though. It's like if you're going to slap a kid and he gets that look of terror on his face and you just stop. I just wanted to turn around and go back to the bench, but by that time of course it was too late. All kinds of people were involved."

Funny.

"I just saw Kevin going in there and I went to pull him back," coach K.C. Jones said. "By the time I got there, though, everybody was grabbing everybody."

"Oprah Winfrey was sitting about four rows from where the whole thing happened," equipment assistant Joe Quatato said. "She was watching the game with her boyfriend. Maybe Kevin was just going back to meet Oprah Winfrey."

Oprah Winfrey? Funny.

The bench collapsed. The original big mouth found himself wrestled to the floor by security people, his face pressed against the three-point line as someone kept a foot on his neck. Someone said the guy simply was pulled there by his yellow necktie. Whomp. The beer began to fly. Forward Fred Roberts seemed to be looking for certain antagonists.

The entire scene resembled the finish of one of those movies -- "Animal House" and "Revenge of the Nerds" come to mind -- that have all the characters involved in some wacky finale, custard pies everywhere. What next?

"I've been going to the Bruins' training room every day for treatments since I hurt my ankle," McHale said. "Maybe that's what did it. I sat next to Nevin Markwart and his spirit took over. Don Warden, the therapist, was saying the other day that when the hockey players have fights, even if the guy gets killed, blood all over his face, everyone will say to him in the locker room, 'How to mix it up in there.' I was going to give Don a call today and see if he'd say it to me."

Funny.

McHale said he was reminded of the time the Bruins climbed into the stands at Madison Square Garden. Remember that? Remember one of the Bruins whomping at the guy with the guy's own shoe? Wasn't Brad Park doing the whomping?

"I don't think so," a reporter said. "I think it was Mike Milbury."

"Milbury!" McHale said. "I was talking with him just the other day in the trainer's room. Maybe that was it."

The craziest part of all is that the characters in Friday night's production will be brought back to the same place this afternoon at 1 o'clock. The Celtics...the Bucks...the mascot, "Bango The Buck"...the band with Ricky Pierce's wife as vocalist...McHale...the crowd.

Most of the crowd.

"The security guards told me they won't let the guy back in that seat today," Kevin McHale said. "He'll be back next year, though, and that's the one thing that bugs me. I'll be paying a fine and he'll be back yelling at people next year and someone probably will pop him and the guy will sue. It's not right."

And that was it. I couldn't track down any other significant details about this incident. Hell, I never even found out how much McHale was fined (or if he was). At that point, the incident basically disappeared from living memory. What's more, I watched that game live and didn't even remember McHale going after that fan until I ran across the YouTube video during an unrelated search.

Mind you, this incident was pretty high profile for the time. The Celtics were the defending champs, and McHale had played so well that season he finished fourth in MVP voting (behind Magic Johnson, Michael Jordan and Larry Bird). And this was the playoffs! It's a pretty safe bet the entire NBA world was watching that game.

The incident happened, it passed quickly and everybody survived. End of story.

Shouldn't it still be that way? Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that players should be allowed to go after fans. That's definitely not okay. But the level of freakout that happens in reaction to these incidents has gotten entirely out of hand. And that probably includes me. For instance, I get pretty heated when somebody like Dwight Howard maims somebody with an elbow when I should probably just say, "Wow, what a douchebag," and move on.

I wonder: What's the appropriate amount of attention and concern that should be given to events like these? Was there too little in the 1980s? Is there too much now?

Labels: Boston Celtics, fights, Kevin McHale, Milwaukee Bucks

Cheer up, Scott! Things can't possibly get any wor...
...oh. Never mind then.
The Milwaukee Bucks: Not exactly a banner weekend for fearing the Deer, who got smeared twice and cruelly eliminated by the Hawks. With a chance to win the series at home in Game 6, the Bucks shot 32 percent and scored only 69 points in a double-digit loss. The performances of Brandon Jennings (missed his first six shots, finished 4-for-15, 1-for-9 from beyond the arc, only 1 lonely assist) and John Salmons (2-for-13) were particularly crippling. When your top two guys combine for more fouls (8) than field goals (6), it's trouble.

The game was essentially lost in the third quarter, when Milwaukee went 3-for-17 and got outscored 29-11. That included a 19-0 run by Atlanta as the Bucks went on an eight-minute scoring fail fest.

After the game, Kurt Thomas said: "We just realize that we had a bad third quarter. We're still confident as a team. We'll regroup and we'll play better on Sunday."

If by "playing better" Kurt actually meant "We're gonna lose by 21 points instead of only 14," then he's a freaking Nostradamus. In Game 7, the Bucks again shot 32 percent and finished with 74 points...five points "better" than Game 6. So maybe Thomas was right after all. But not really.

I guess Andy Bogut is pretty important after all.

An extra "blech!" goes once again the Jennings and Salmons, who combined for only 26 points on 11-for-36 shooting (2-for-9 on threes). The Bucks have now lost seven of their last eight road playoff games and their 74 points is tied for the sixth fewest points in a Game 7 during the shot-clock era.

Said Carlos Delfino: "We can't think about all the ifs. Yes, we missed his presence in the paint. But glory to the guys who kept fighting. We just tried to be as positive as we possibly could."

Added Brandon Jennings: "I think we were missing one piece, and that was Bogut. I wanted to walk out sad, but I had to keep my head up because we were down a couple players [Michael Redd also sustained a season-ending injury]. We did the best we could. We showed a lot of people that the Milwaukee Bucks can actually hang in this league."

Let next season's unrealistic expectations begin!

Jerry Stackhouse: He wasn't awful...but you knew I was going to include this, right? I'm not sure this is what Francis Scott Key imagined when he wrote the poem that became the song.


Josh Smith: This was a great play, but an ear pose? Really Josh?


The Oklahoma City Thunder: Here are some dirty little OKC facts for you: During the regular season, the Thunder gave up the sixth-most total offensive rebounds (937). They were tied with the Toronto Craptors and Washington Wizards Generals Bullets for sixth in opponents' offensive rebounds per game (11.4), ranking ahead of only the Nuggets, Knicks, Pacers, Suns and Warriors. They kind of covered for this by ranking third in the league in Offensive Rebounding Percentage (.286). So yes, they were giving up offensive boards, but they were also grabbing offensive boards.

That should even things out, right?

In theory, I suppose. But what if your entire season and everything you've been fighting for in the first round of the playofss came down to a simple box out? What then? Here's what:


What a wasted opportunity. The Thunder were +18 in points off free throws, +17 in points off turnovers, +8 in points in the paint and +7 in points in transition. Unfortunately, they shot 36 percent, thanks largely to the misdirected gunning of Kevin Durant (see below) and Russell Westbrook (7-for-20, 1-for-6 from downtown). Of course, those guys did help bring their team back -- thanks to a trey by Durant and then a jumper and three-point play by Westbrook -- but too little, too late.

I should also mention that the Lakers bench outscored their counterparts 30-16. That's right, L.A.'s bench was integral in eliminating the Thunder. Who'da thunk?

Kevin Durant: His series averages look pretty good: 25.0 PPG, 7.7 RPG, 2.3 APG. However, KD shot 35 percent from the field and 28 percent from downtown. To break his percentages down further, he hit only 38 percent of his jumpers and a miserable 20 percent near the basket. Facing elimination, he went 5-for-23 from the field. That's 21 percent shooting accuracy in the most important game of his life to date.

What's more, according to ESPN Stats & Information, Durant Kevin Durant notched one of the worst shooting performances in NBA history in a loss that ended a best-of-seven series (minimum 20 FGAs). The only two players to surpass him were Paul Arizin (18.2 percent in the final game of the 1962 Divisional Finals) and Kenyon Martin (3-for-23 in Game 6 of the 2003 NBA Finals).

Yes, I know he helped rally the Thunder down the stretch. But OKC might not have needed a rally if he hadn't missed 17 of his first 20 shots.

Ron Artest, quote machine: "Everyone expected us to be this greatest team since sliced bread, but we aren't playing like that. It's great for us to get through it and understand that we're not the best thing since sliced bread. We actually have to work."

Phil Jackson, quote machine: "You have to remember these men are out there in their underwear, in their shorts. These aren't like the old days but they are pretty scantily clad, and they are, you know, in front of their fans. If you're at all self-conscious, there you are."

The Denver Nuggets: And so ends the season of the second Team That Could Beat the Lakers (the Mavericks being the other). Man, if you had told me in that the Nuggets would earn 40 free throw attempts and score 32 points off 19 Utah turnovers, I would have said there was no way they could lose.

And yet...they lost.

Denver couldn't do anything about Carlos Boozer (22 points, 10-for-14, 20 rebounds, 5 assists), Wesley Matthew (23 points, 13-for-15 at the line) or the Jazz bench (45 points, 15-for-26). Nor could the Nuggets keep from hacking, leading to an astounding 51 foul shots for the Mormon Musicians -- 39 on personal fouls and four more on technicals.

Said Chauncey Billups: "You have to give the Jazz credit. They stole home court and that proved to be the difference. Sometimes when we play against very, very disciplined teams, we tend to break down. We should have been able to run on them but being in foul trouble so much it stops the running."

Denver also had their share of problems guarding Utah's non-free throws. The Jazz shot better than 52 percent, thanks largely to Boozer and Paul Milsap (7-for-11).

Carmelo Anthony: Facing yet another first round elimination -- his sixth in seven years, including a 2006 opening round loss to the Clippers -- 'Melo finished with only 20 points on 6-for-22 shooting. Even though he snared a game-best 12 rebounds, Anthony was kind of outplayed by Matthews, who outscored him, defended him well, got him into foul trouble and helped goad Denver's coach into a tech.

From the AP recap:

Matthews came up with a huge defensive play when he blocked a shot by Anthony under the basket, then drew Anthony's fifth foul when Billups was short on a 3-pointer with 4:55 left. Billups was called for a technical after the play and Matthews made the free throw, then two more to put Utah up 104-95.

"I wanted that opportunity. You live for moments like that," Matthews said. "Growing up as a kid, you always want to go up against the best. You want to get the stops at the right time."

Matthews added two more from the line with 4:23 left, and Utah's lead was 106-95

Acting coach Adrian Dantley, Graham, Kenyon Martin and Billups all received technicals for Denver.

Dantley received Denver's first after Anthony collided with Matthews and was called for an offensive foul with 4:13 left in the second.

I'm pretty sure the Nuggets assumed the 'Melo-Matthews matchup was going to go in their favor. Like, By a lot. Didn't turn out that way, tho'. Kinda makes you go hmmmmm...

The Boston Celtics: They...you know what? Let's cover this first...

Paul Pierce, poster boy: Wait, wait, wait. Mo Williams can dunk? That's new one to me. And to Paul Pierce, apparently.


Said Williams: "Paul is 6-7, 6-8. I thought he'd block a layup. I was kind of high. I thought I could try. It turned out good. It was a great feeling, I'll tell you that."

Added LeBron: "I knew Mo could dunk. I told Mo a long time ago if he ever dunked in a game it was going to spark us like we haven't been sparked before. Not only did it fire the team, it fired himself up."

It..."fired himself up"? Uh, okay. Anyway, it sure did -- Williams scored 14 points in the quarter -- and it certainly did something for the Crabs as well, because they outscored the Celtics 21-9 over the final five minutes of the quarter and by 19 the rest of the way. Before Mo's jam, Cleveland had been shooting 21-for-28 (43 percent). After that, they went 17-for-30 (57 percent). Meanwhile, Boston had been shooting 27-for-52 (52 percent) but went only 9-for-29 (31 percent) after Williams posterized the Half-Truth.

The Boston Celtics: So where was I? Oh, yeah. The Celtics might have let their best chance at stealing home court advantage from the Craboliers slip away. This is due mostly to their patented second half offensive collapse...which this time meant barely outscoring King Crab 15-13 in the fourth quarter.

Why can't the Celtics close out games? Perhaps AnacondaHL knows the answer:

Query: Do the Celtics keep coming out of halftime leads to blow it in the 3rd/4th because Doc Rivers has to give an obligatory locker room motivational speech, and it just makes them all dumber, and/or hate life?

An anonymous commenter provided the following (possibly more accurate) counterpoint:

More like 3 of their 4 best players are only good for about 20 minutes a game before running out of gas. Though I like your answer better (side note: does anyone else get angry that Doc Rivers and Mike Brown have more Coach of the Year awards than Jerry Sloan?)

To answer that last question: Yes. Yes, it does.

Back to the C's: Giving up 23 points off 16 turnovers didn't help. Nor did their offensive ineptitude down the stretch. Here's what their final minute and a half looked like: Pierce missed a short jumper; offensive rebound by Kendrick Perkins; Pierce missed a wide open three; Perkins turnover; Michael Finley missed a triple. That sequence started with Boston down only 96-93. Ah well.

Boston's bench: 9 measly points? Gak. 'Sheed finished with only 2 points on 1-for-5 shooting, plus he had more fouls (3) than rebounds (2). Worst offseason pickup ever? Maybe not, but he's up there.

The Utah Jazz: As a long-time Jazz fan, I'm not sure how much I have to say about this one. It was like watching a rerun of a television show you hate. Utah fell behind early, the Lakers' bench let them back in, and then Mamba went all Mola Ram on the Jazz:

Because I haven’t for a while.
Said Deron Williams: "It is kind of repetitive. We had a chance to win this game, but we couldn't make the plays down the stretch. Kobe made some unbelievable shots, and that was pretty much it."

Pretty much.

Could this loss have been karma for clinching their first round victory over the Nuggets despite missing 17 free throws? No. The Lakers are just too big. Speaking of which...

Jerry Sloan, unintentionally dirty quote machine: From Shiv, via TrueHoop: "He's so big and long and that's where he hurt us."

Ron Artest, poster boy: I thought Paul Pierce's posterization looked pretty hapless...until I saw this.


Kobe Bryant, fashionista: stephanie g. sent this link. I kinda wish she hadn't.



Gilbert Arenas: As Basketbawful reader Brian noted in the BAD comments, Agent Zero is still having gun problems.

Belated WotNs: Basketbawful reader Amin couldn't believe I didn't include this in Friday's Suns-Blazers writeup. I can't either.


This was stephanie g.'s favorite picture from the final Spurs-Mavs game. And not it's mine.


Weekend lacktion report: Now chris brings you a weekend worth of lacktivity:

Hawks-Bucks: You knew as soon as "Hawks" came up on your screen, that the ultimate 8-bit plumber would be here lacking it up, right? THE Mario West helped celebrate the Game 7 that Atlanta forced by fouling once in 1 minute for a +1 suck differential.

For Milwaukee, Dan Gadzuric negated a board in 5:45 with two bricks, one foul, and one giveaway for a 2:1 Voskuhl.

Nuggets-Jazz: As Utah celebrates yet another playoff series victory, Kyrylo Fesenko found himself in the ledger despite one board in 10:24, bricking thricely, losing the rock four times, and fouling three times for a 7:1 Voskuhl!

Sundiata Gaines (at 29 seconds) and Othyus Jeffers (at a mere 19 seconds) really relish their Famicom, as evidenced by a second straight appearance as MARIO BROTHERS!!!

Celtics-Crabs: Marquis Daniels potted a 1.95 trillion (1:57) while Zydrunas Ilgauskas scratched a piece of masonry once and clawed at the C's for a pair of fouls in 5:09 for a +3 suck differential and a 2:0 Voskuhl!

Bucks-Hawks: Maurice Evans celebrated Atlanta's second consecutive second-round appearance by bricking once from Underground Atlanta for a +1 in 6:20.

Jazz-Lakers: Josh Powell piled on the portobellos in just nine seconds for a SUPER MARIO!!!

Labels: Boston Celtics, Denver Nuggets, Milwaukee Bucks, Oklahoma City Thunder, Utah Jazz

Finally! Our first sad bench photo of the 2010 NBA Playoffs!
And again!
Anonymous Defensive Player of the Year voter: This inexplicable fact cannot be lost in all the hubbub of Dwight Howard's second consecutive DPoY award: David Lee -- he of Mike 'Antoni's New York Bricks -- received one third place vote. For Defensive Player of the Year. Sure, Lee was probably the best defensive player on a squad that finished 27th in Defensive Rating this season, but he still gave up 108 points per 100 possessions. While averaging 0.5 blocked shots per game.

This is stunning. It would be like finding out Mario West got an MVP vote, or suddenly realizing someone had replaced my left arm with a live Gary Busey. All I can figure is that Lee's grandma is on the voting panel. Or she was holding a family member of someone on the voting panel captive.

The Los Angeles Clippers: In a classless move befitting a team that couldn't be bothered to tell a man he had been fired, the Clippers still haven't paid Mike Dunleavy the rest of the money they owe him. Not so much as a hay penny, whatever the hell a hay penny is.

The Other L.A. Team owe Dunleavy nearly $12 million, which includes $6.75 million remaining on his current deal and deferred money from the entire time he had been with the Clippers. And now Mike is going the binding arbitration route to get his cash.

And people wonder why this organization is cursed.

Contract Year Phenomenon: Apparently, 23 games was enough of an evaluation period for the Frail Blazers: Portland has officially extended Marcus Camby for two years:

According to official salary figures circulated by the league Tuesday after the deal was formally signed and obtained by ESPN.com, Camby's extension is a two-year deal worth $17.7 million in guaranteed salary. The extension will pay him $8,453,250 in 2010-11 and $9,256,500 in 2011-12.

The deal, though, also features unspecified incentives. Camby's agent Rick Kaplan told The Oregonian on Tuesday that the contract contains up to $5 million in potential incentive bonuses.

Portland went 17-6 with Camby in the lineup, and the 36-year-old grabbed 17 rebounds Sunday as the Trail Blazers beat Phoenix in Game 1 of their first-round playoff series.

In a statement, general manager Kevin Pritchard said Camby has been a "great fit for us."

So let me get this straight: A player with an expiring contract gets traded at the deadline and plays some of the best basketball of his career, thus helping a team in need make the playoffs. No way! Pay him! Pay him whatever he wants!

Basketbawful reader and Portland backer Andrei said:

As a Frail Blazers fan, I'm quite happy with how the Camby trade went down this season. But why in God's name would they sign him to an extension before the season is over? Do NBA players really need any incentive to try less? Also, I'm not so confident that a guy who can't consistently make lay ups or dunks and played pick up with Moses (not Moses Malone either) is worth 20 mil over 2 years.

I'm not even going to bother talking about Camby's age or all the games he's missed during his career. I will now hold off on all mockery until Camby starts slowly transforming into cold, unmoving stone next season.

Vince Carter, douche machine: What did Vag have to say after his teammate won a second straight DPoY award? Here's what: "I was always trying to dunk on Dwight [before coming to the Magic]. If you ask him, he'll say, no, but it happened a few times. But whatever, we won't talk about that."

The Miami Heat: Okay, true story. In first grade, I had a major crush on a girl named Heather D. She was the cutest girl in my school, and she would continue to be the cutest girl in my school right up until I went to college. Every heterosexual male -- and, for all I know, a few of the non-heteros -- had a crush on her at some point during that span of time. Heck, there was a boy in my school with a debilitating case of muscular dystrophy who confided his crush on Heather to me. When I tried to gently explain she was probably unattainable, he replied: "Look, I'm probably never going to have a girl friend, so if I'm going to like somebody, it might as well be the prettiest girl I'll ever meet in person."

She was like a siren.

Anyway, back to first grade. I was crushing on Heather and had recently gotten some very strong "she likes me back" signals. She had stolen my crayons, pinched my butt and even asked me to play catch 'em, kiss 'em. I was in, man. But then...then...

Now, in my school, first graders had a bathroom in their main classroom. We were taught never to go into the restroom when the door was open and the light was on, because that meant there was somebody in there. I spent the morning waiting for that door to open, or the light to go off, something, because I had to pee so very, very badly.

Finally, reading group started. Heather was in my reading group, and she sat down right next to me. Normally, I would have been excited and encouraged by this, but it was taking all the will power my six-year-old self had to not lose control of my bladder. Minutes passed slowly, oh so slowly. My eyes were fixed on the bathroom door. "Please come out, whoever you are," I thought. "Please."

Then my teacher, Mrs. Cameron, perhaps sensing I wasn't paying any attention to her, asked me a question. I looked at her. My concentration broke. I suddenly felt a terrible warmth. I looked down and watched a puddle of urine form on the chair between my legs. Time stopped. I will never forget watching Heather turn to me and look down, and I swear to God she did a double take, eyes goggling. Somebody yelled, "Matt peed himself!"

Chaos ensued as the kids in the reading group jumped out of their chairs like somebody had been shot. Unfortunately, I couldn't jump up. I just sat there, marinating in my own urine, as Mrs. Cameron called a quick recess to get everybody else out of the classroom.

Mrs. Cameron asked why I hadn't just gone to the bathroom. I explained somebody had been in there all morning. Sadly, it turned out that someone had just closed the door and left the light on. I had been holding it all morning for no reason.

My mom was called. A new pair of pants was brought. Jokes were made at my expense. And Heather never again pinched my butt.

My point? I thought nobody could possibly piss themselves in a more embarrassingly public way than that. I really didn't. But, somehow, the Heat pulled it off.

"Oh God. Is...is that urine? Am I stepping in my own urine"
Kevin Garnett gave Miami the gift of the century by getting suspended for Game 2. The Heat weren't going to get a better chance to steal a game in Boston. And they had come reasonably close in Game 1. But, well, uhm, yeah.

Miami actually had a 29-25 lead at one point, but the Celtics went on a 44-8 run, which included a 21-0 run and an 18-0 run. Boston led by 25 to 33 points the rest of the way before finally winning 106-77.

The man leading the route was Glen "Big Baby" Davis, who once again dubbed himself "The Ticket Stub" in KG's absense. Davis had 23 points and 8 rebounds, but it felt like three times that. Other than getting four shots fed back to him, Baby controlled the game. He really did. His performance wasn't quite "David Lee getting a third place vote for DPoY," but it was damn close.

Said Heat coach Erik Spoelstra: "That's a case of one man impacting the game simply with his effort. I don't think they ran one play for him. You cannot let a man's effort exceed yours. It's as simple as that."

This game was such a blowout the final numbers don't do it justice. Just know that at one point, Reggie Miller asked, "This is the NBA playoffs, right?" Speaking of Reggie, has anyone else noticed he's been getting a little chippy lately? Like, he use to be the just-happy-to-be-here broadcaster. Now he's got a little bit if an edge to him. Like during Game 2 of the Bulls-Cavs series, when Marv Albert shook a box of mac 'n cheese in his face, Reggie looked a little grumpy and said, "Really, Marv? Really?"

I think that "Winning Time" documentary went to Reggie's head a little.

Jermaine "The Drain" O'Neal: He had 5 blocked shots -- 4 of which came against The Ticket Stub -- but The Drain finished 1-for-10 and -- as stephanie g. pointed out -- is now 4-for-24 for the series. O'Neal's playoff performance led to this hilarious sequence of comments from Basketbawful reader kazam92:

I now know why you as a Pacer fan referred to Jermaine O'Neal as the Drain. He is the 6'11 Vince Carter. I don’t want him near my team when this sweep is done. I hate the Heat right now.

Please proceed to get sodomized by a dump truck Jermaine O'neal.

The thing is he had me fooled. He played well for us in the Reg season. Shot a career high FG%. So much for that. Whenever they showed his face on TV today, I spontaneously screamed FUCK YOU with middle fingers ablaze.

I hope the Drain and his peg legs are benched for the rest of the series so he gets pissy and WANTS to leave. Joel Anthony and his hands of stone are our best option at center. Lets just use a 7 foot slab of hardened lard.

As a Pacers fan who endured the "Jermaine O'Neal is our franchise player" era, I approve.

Camaraderie: Seriously, this has to be the least enthusiastic fist bump ever. Ray is acting like Baby's fist has herpes.

Jesus, Ray, relax. I'm sure he's not contagious. Well, pretty sure.
The Milwaukee Bucks: The Hawks have a 2-0 lead in a best-of-seven series for the first time in 40 years...and they would like to thank Amar''''''e Stoudemire for "sweeping the arm" of Andrew Bogut. They'd also like to think the Bucks, who fell behind, rallied and then fell short. Again.

Don't you just get the feeling Milwaukee is too undermanned to do more than force this series to five games at the most? Zombie Kurt Thomas is their starting center and Zombie Jerry Stackhouse is their primary reserve. Ersan Ilyasova (13 points, 15 boards) was their top performer last night. I'm not a big believer in the Hawks, but I believe they're going to smack down the Bucks with relative ease.

Hey, maybe Milwaukee's defense will control things at home. After all, Atlanta has been notoriously deficient on the road the last few years. But I'll have to see it before I can believe it.

Brandon Jennings: After Jennings dropped 34 in Game 1, I expressed more than a little skepticism that his hot shooting would continue. His Game 2 line: 9 points, 3-for-15 from the field, 1-for-6 from downtown, 2 assists.

And there you have it.

Jamal Crawford: Just because Atlanta kind of strolled through this one thanks to strong performances from Josh Smith (21 points, 9-for-11, 14 rebounds, 9 assists, 2 steals, 2 blocks), Al Horford (20 points, 8-for-13, 10 rebounds, 2 steals, 3 blocks) and Joe Johnson (27 points, 12-for-23) doesn't mean I'm letting Crawford's 2-for-10 stink bomb pass by without a mention. Way to celebrate finally making it to the playoffs, Jamal.

The Portland Frail Blazers: Ah, the classic "We already stole Game 1 so we can totally let down in Game 2" game. I've seen this one before. It's usually followed up by a tough win in Game 3 followed by an even tougher loss in Game 4. I'm not saying that's necessarily how this is going to play out -- the script might get flipped -- but I wouldn't be surprised.

Anyway, credit Alvin Gentry for siccing the 37-year-old Grant Hill onto Andre Miller. It totally worked, as Miller went 4-for-11 and finished with only 12 points and 3 assists.

Said Hill: "I just tried to make him work."

Jason Richardson, who got lit up by Miller in Game 1, added: "I don't know how Grant guarded him. He did a good job on him tonight and scored 20. I couldn't do it."

We know, Jason. We know.

Anyway, this game had all the boot prints you'd expect from an ass-whupping. The Suns outrebounded the Blazers 43-34 and outscored them 58-38 in the paint. Phoenix shot better than 52 percent, compared to 38 percent for Portland, and had a 26-12 advantage in second-chance points. Hill went 10-for-11 from the field, Richardson was 11-for-16 -- the Suns are now 27-4 this season when he scores at least 20 -- and Steve Nash dished 16 assists.

Heck, even Jarron Collins was perfect from the field (1-for-1), although he still finished with twice as many fouls (4) as points (2) in 10 minutes of lacktion.

The only cause for concern for the Suns was Channing Frye's 1-for-7 shooting meltdown. He was 1-for-5 on threes. Phoenix will need his shooting on the road.

Marcus Camby: I know, I know, I said I was going to hold off on the mockery until next season when, for instance, Camby, Greg Oden and The Vanilla Godzilla are all on the injured list. But this couldn't wait: Fresh off his new almost-$10-million-per-year contract extension, Camby went 2-for-10 from the field and the Suns scored 58 points in the paint despite his fearsome interior D. As always...I'm just sayin'.

Rudy Fernandez: Am I imagining things, or is Rudy getting shut down by Steve Nash?

The Oklahoma City Thunder: Lincoln's wart! The Thunder blocked 17 shots against the Lakers last night! It's like all 12 of them were channeling the spirit of Greg Ostertag or something. That defensive effort held the Lakers to 37 percent shooting. Unfortunately for the Oklahoma Citians, Mamba took Kevin Durant to playoff school by scoring 15 points in the fourth quarter, including 7 in the final five minutes.

Damn. What more can the Thunder do?

Said OKC coach Scott Brooks: "That was about as well as we can play and we came up a little short. Two games in a row we gave the effort defensively. We're still trying to figure out how to win these close games."

What the Thunder need is a closer. Speaking of which...

Kevin Durant: KD's 8 turnovers didn't land him here -- although they sure didn't help -- it was his crunch-time failure that earned him a WotN. During "winning time" (the last five minutes of the fourth quarter), Durant managed only 2 points while going 0-for-3 from the field and committing 2 turnovers.

Sorry, folks. He's become a great scorer...but he's no Jedi yet.

(Of course, it's worth noting that for all the Mamba love that's getting spurted out, Kobe went 1-for-3 from the field in the final five minutes and missed a critical free throw. Speaking of which...)

The Lakers' free throw shooting: Nine misses is bad. But the worst two came in the final 15 seconds, when Kobe and Pau Gasol each missed one, which twice gave the Thunder a chance to tie the game or take the lead (assuming the hit a three and got fouled on their final play).

Phil Jackson, lazy quote machine: Regarding Kobe's 39-point performance: "What did Mark Twain say? Rumors of my demise or whatever." Okay, we all know P-Jax is one of the most well-read coaches is league history...but, man, he's not even trying. C'mon, Phil. As Mark Jackson would say: You're better than that.

Update! Charles Barkley: This isn't the first time Chuck uttered an "on-air expletive"...it's simply the latest. Thanks to Dan T. for the link.


Lacktion report: Is any day complete without chris's lacktion report? Of course not.

Bucks-Hawks: Primoz Brezec fouled once in 5:41 for a +1 suck differential that also incurred a 1:0 Madsen-level Voskuhl! Meanwhile, Charlie Bell rang up the cash register with a 1.8 trillion (1:50).

For the Hawks, THE Mario West lacked it up again with his own 1.8 trillion (1:50). Joe Smith unmightily tossed a brick and took a rejection in 5:18 for a +2, while Jeff Teague bricked once and lost the rock for his own +2 in 5:33. Zaza Pachulia negated a board in 9:34 with two bricks, three fouls, and a giveaway for a 4:1 Voskuhl.

Heat-Celtics: Jamaal Magloire countered a board with a foul and giveaway in 4:30 for a 2:1 Voskuhl.

Frail Blazers-Suns: Jarron Collins is still Phoenix's starting center, and he still appears on the Voskuhl portion of the lacktion ledger as usual - countering a 100% shooting percentage (on one shot) in 10:27 with four fouls for a 4:2 ratio.

Thunder-Lakers: Anonymous writes...

I'd just like to point out that Josh Powell had a 1.5 trillion (1:32) in last nights lakers-thunder game

Consider it racked!

Labels: David Lee, Miami Heat, Milwaukee Bucks, NBA playoffs, Oklahoma City Thunder, Portland Trail Blazers, Worst of the Night

An era of horror in New Jersey finally, mercifully comes to an end.
The Indiana Pacers: So much for the "surging" Pacers. Indy had won 11 of its last 14 games including 10 of 11 at home. And, in their final home game of the season, the Pacers treated their fans to a 118-98 stink-bomb loss in which they had a 43-24 disadvantage in free throw attempts and got outrebounded 53-38. So...when do the Butler Bulldogs start playing again?

Said Troy Murphy: "No excuses. We just didn't have it tonight from start to finish."

In related news, the Pacers are 27th in attendance, ahead of only the Grizzlies, Kings and Nyets. The only surprise there is that Indy wasn't dead last. But then again, the only other thing to do in Indiana is watch corn slowly grow, so maybe it makes a little sense.

Pictured: Why I don't like telling peoplethat I'm originally from Indiana.
The Philadelphia 76ers: Speaking of last home games of the season, the Sixers -- who rank 26th in attendance -- tried to go out on a high note against the "surging" Heat. But not even the Curse of Surge could help Philly, who lost on a Udonis Haslem jumper with 1.3 seconds left despite shooting 55 percent for the game.

Andre "The Other 80 Million Dollar Man" Iguodala, who missed five free throws in the two-point loss (including two straight with 2:41 left and his team down two), said: "We had the game in our hands, but we let it slip away. We made some mistakes down the stretch and we don't give ourselves an attempt to try to win or tie the game up."

There's no better way to sum up Philly's season. Short of an interpretive seizure that ends with uncontrollable vomiting and defecation.

The Detroit Pistons: Speaking once again of final home games of the season, the Pistons -- who inexplicably rank 8th in attendance -- got to wrap up their home schedule against a Chris Bosh-less Craptors team that had lost five in a row and 18 of their last 25 games. Oh, and Toronto was also playing the second of back-to-back games, the first of which was a 104-88 home court fail to the equally hapless Chicago Bulls.

So of course the Craptors got 33 points from Andrea Bargnani and a career-high 26 from Amir Johnson to win 111-97 in the Palace of Auburn Hills.

Defense was a problem. As summed up in the AP recap: "The Raptors had assists on 21 of their first 22 field goals, finished with a season-high 37 assists, and made 60 percent of their shots overall and on 3-pointers." In other words, there weren't any hands in any faces in Detroit last night.

In the process, the Pistons (26-55) have guaranteed their worst record since going 20-62 in the 1993-94 season. What's more, this will be the first year Detroit hasn't made the playoff since 2001.

Said Tayshaun Prince: "It's really disappointing."

Don't worry, Detroit fans. Only a few short months before the Lions open training camp!

Charlie Villanueval: Charlie V. -- one half of Joe Dumars' $90 million offseason spending spree -- had this to say on his Twitter account hours before his team's tipoff against the Craptors:

Toronto tonight at the palace, sorry Toronto fans, have love for u fans but Detroit is going to win

Guarantee win tonight, yeah I said it

And this is what he tweeted a few hours after the game:

Thank God I don't gamble cause I will be terrible at, lol

LOL!!!!

And this is what Villanueva told the press: "I don't think that fired them up because they had something to play for. I thought we would come ready to play, and I'm shocked we didn't after the way we've played lately."

I wonder if Charlie V. realizes his team has won 26 games this season. This loss isn't all that shocking. What's shocking is that Detroit fans haven't started chucking bricks during games.

The New Jersey Nyets: Speaking yet again about final home games of the season, the Nyets -- a mortal lock for this season's last place attendence record -- finished their run at the Izod Center with a double-digit loss to the Charlotte Bobcats in which they shot 39 percent and missed 20 of 24 three-pointers. As the AP recap put it: "The New Jersey Nets opened their 29-year NBA stay at the Meadowlands with a loss and they ended the run the same way."

How very fitting.

Devin Harris -- whose team is 35-109 since he said "We knew we were going to be a playoff team" in December of 2008 -- said: "It's disappointing losing the last game at Izod. But it's been like that for us all season."

Remember how the Nyets supposedly "fleeced" the Mavericks by getting Harris and DeSagana Diop in the Jason Kidd trade? Man, that seems forever and a week ago. Maybe Mark Cuban knew what he was doing after all...

Larry Brown, quote machine: As the AP recap pointed out: "The constant in both events was Larry Brown. He coached the Nets that night in 1981 against the Knicks and he was back for the final game to guide the Charlotte Bobcats over New Jersey 105-95 on Monday night."

To which Larry responded: "I was here for the first and the last. What does that tell you? How dumb are these people who keep hiring me? I'm sure over my career I've been in a lot of buildings and outlasted them. Me. Nelly [Don Nelson] and Lenny [Wilkens]. Coach [Jerry] Sloan. I don't know if that's a good thing."

The Milwaukee Bucks: Still speaking about final home games of the season -- do you sense a theme here? -- the previously surging but currently Andrew Bogut-less Bucks couldn't defend (giving up 53 percent shooting) or throw the ball into the ocean (shooting 38 percent as a team). As a result, they lost to the Hawks 104-96 and got dumped to sixth place in the Eastern Conference playoff race. Ah, but what does playoff seeding mean, anyway? Just ask rookie Brandon Jennings, veteran of exactly zero playoff games.

Said Jennings: "It's either Atlanta or Boston. I think they are both beatable for us. We've been hanging with them the whole year."

Aw! Rookies are so cute when they're being stupid.

Update! The Sacramento Kings: Hey, have I mentioned any last home games of the season yet? Well, the Paupers lost theirs. And it was a classic revenge game, as Kevin Martin -- who got voted off Excremento Island in favor of 'Reke the Freak -- had his second-highest scoring game of the season: 39 points on 11-for-20 from the field and 16-for-16 from the line.

Meanwhile, Evans -- thanks to some shot happiness and ball-hoggery -- joined Oscar Robertson, Michael Jordan and LeBron James in the 20-5-5 Rookie Club, which probably doesn't take that much of the sting out of Sacto's 25-56 record. Although, because of that record, 'Reke's record was pretty much the only reason the fans showed up. Just ask Paul Westphal: "This game was more about extraneous things more than the actual wins or losses. I think the players sensed that."

Yeah. I think the players have sensed that for a while, Paul. In related news, the Kings picked up the option on Westphal's contract for 2011-12 before the game.

Said Rockets coach Rick Adelman: "I didn't even know what was going on. Then finally they put 20-5-5 up there. I was more than happy to let him have that and we will take the win and go home."

The Los Angeles Clippers: Okay. One more "losing their final home game of the season" entry...which is what the Clippers did in getting pounded by the Mavericks 117-94. Okay, okay. Technically, The Other L.A. Team will finish up their season with a "home game" against the Lakers on Wednesday night, but that's the same as a game on the moon for the poor Clips, who were officially eliminated from the "30-Win Club" race. The best they can do is finish 29-53.

In related news, The Other L.A. Team is 20th in attendence despite being in freaking Los Angeles.

In all fairness to the Clippers, they were minus both of their starting guards -- Baron Davis (quitter sprained wrist) and Eric Gordon (sick of the Clippers viral infection) -- but that doesn't change the fact that they've lost eight of nine games and 18 of 21 to ensure their 17th losing season in the last 18 years. Abandon hope all ye who play or root for the Clippers!

Yep. They are who we thought they were.

The Minnesota Timberwolves: And finally a team wins their final home game of the season! And their 133-111 victory over the Timberpoops -- during which Minny committed 19 turnovers, gave up almost 60 percent shooting and fell behind by as many as 30 points -- gave the Spurs their 11th straight 50-win season. Feel the surge!

Minny's season ends Wednesday at home against the Pistons, and we have some potentially historic fail in the works. If the Timberwolves lose, they'll tie the Tony Campbell-led 1991-92 squad for worst record in the 21-year history of the franchise.

Said Al Jefferson: "If it happens, it was just meant to happen. That's how I look at it. Of course we don't want it to happen, but it's life."

Added Timberpoops coach Kurt Rambis: "This team was not built to win this year. We knew that."

So...the T-Poops were supposed to suck this season? I just love it when a team fulfills their potential!

The Memphis Grizzlies: Their 123-101 loss in Denver bumped the Griz back to a game below .500, which just feels about right for this team, doesn't it? Memphis shot 39 percent, gave up 39 free throw attempts and surrendered 27 fast break points. I thought bears came out of hibernation in the spring.

Grizzlies coach Lionel Hollins: "I didn't like nothing about the whole game. They pretty much had a party here. A going-away party. The last game for the fans. They had a party with it."

Party dance!


Zach Randolph: Now here's the Z-Bo we knew and loved! Near the end of the third quarter, Randolph got tagged with foul numero cinco for sending Nene to the floor during the battle for an offensive board. Admittedly, Nene might have done a little grabbing and acting, but losing your cool over iffy calls usually doesn't help. And of course it didn't. Zach's blabbing earned him a double-technical and an automatic ejection. Nene drilled all four free throws (two for the initial foul and two for the techs) to increase the Nuggets' lead to 90-72. Game over.

And did I mention Randolph is looking for mo' money? (Thanks to Basketbawful reader Hajt for the link.)

Now, just for shits and giggles, here's a classic Z-Bo booboo from the Isiah Thomas Era in New York. Gods, how I miss that era.


Rudy Gay: Even though he took a team-high 14 shot attempts, Gay finished with more fouls (4) than field goals (3) and more turnovers (2) than assists (1). Every time I've seen Rudy turn in one of these sub-par performances over the second half of the season, I always think the same thing: I wonder who's going to end up overpaying him this summer? I hope to God it's not the Bulls.

The Oklahoma City Thunder: Spider-Man's balls! Will Portland's misery never end? As if they hadn't been through enough this season -- including the loss of both centers, the Vanilla Godzilla reinjuring himself in the shower and their coach rupturing an Achilles tendon at practice -- the Frail Blazers have lost Brandon Roy to a torn meniscus in his right knee. Roy says he wants to play in the postseason, but that seems like borderline lunacy to me. Sure, his doctors say he probably can't hurt it any worse, but it's a fucking torn meniscus, Brandon! Take a seat, get healthy, and bring it next season.

Did I mention that a total of 13 Blazers have missed a combined 307 games this season?

Anyway, where was I? Oh, right. The Thunder. They ended up getting locked into the eighth seed and a first-round playoff date with the Lakers by losing 103-95 to the Roy-less Blazers, who got a season-high 30 points and 13 rebounds from Marcus Camby. Not only did the Camby Man go 12-for-16 from the field, but he submitted his highest scoring output since going off for 33 points against (of course) the Phoenix Suns on December 2, 2005.

More fun facts: Oklahoma City got pounded 60-40 in the paint and gave up 27 points off 16 turnovers.

The Washington Wizards Generals Bullets: The Bullets were up by 10 points with about 10 and a half minutes left in the fourth quarter...but the Bricks ended up winning that quarter 40-21 as Washington lost 114-103.

Said Shaun Livingston: "Both offensively and defensively, it was just a total meltdown."

Added "Mr. Responsible" Andray Blatch: "We weren't disciplined in the fourth quarter. Plain and simple. They hit a couple of shots and we just lost our mind. We were like a chicken without a head out there."

Update! Andray Blatch: From AnacondaHL: "Extra bit from the Whizz-Bricks game: With Washington up 92-83, about 9 minutes left in the game, the Blatche Watch (hurrdurf) began. Having picked up his 5th PF, but having already collected a 17/10/7, Blatche started upping the amount of forced passes to teammates (this had been going on since the 3rd period), shooting for that triple-double. This of course opens a 20-2 run for the Knicks, eventually leading to the 40 point 4th quarter and a NY win. If the camera were any closer, I would have loved to see each sneer made when teammates missed shots and layups on potential assists."

Wow. It's like Blatch is channeling Wilt Chamberlain from the season the Dipper lead the league in assists. (It was 1967-68 in case you're interested.)

Tracy McGrady: Mr. "Sixth man? I don't see myself being a sixth man. I mean, I haven't fallen off that...much. I've been hurt the last two years. But I ain't fallen off that much." missed last night's game with a "DNP Knee" because he still can't handle back-to-back games.

But he hasn't fallen off that much.

Mike D'Antoni, quote machine: Regarding the "hope" the Bricks have after completing their franchise record ninth consecutive losing season: "The fans need to hang in there a bit with us and hopefully we'll get the job done. It's going to be a tough summer, but they've hung this long so they might as well wait a few months and see what happens."

Paul Pierce and his delusions of grandeur: From Basketbawful reader winnetou: "Paul Pierce, Dunning-Kruger effect representative, when asked about the Celtics' playoff ambitions and chances: 'We want to be the champs. That’s the minimum level [of achievement to consider the season a success]. I don’t care what our record is. I don’t care how we’ve played. Our minimum level is winning the championship. That’s been our goal since we brought the team together, and that’s not changed.' But is it realistic? 'Yeah,' Pierce said. 'Without question.' (Boston Herald via TrueHoop)."

Update! Lacktion report: Evil e-mail gremlins sent chris's brilliant lacktion report to my Spam folder. I guess the Yahoo! e-mail administrators don't like lacktion.

Heat-Sixers: Joel Anthony made one steal in 19:23 as Miami's starting big man, yet bricked twice, took a rejection, and gained two fouls for a 2:0 Voskuhl.

Raptors-Pistons: Rasho Nesterovic lost the rock once in 4:35 for a +1 suck differential, also worthy of a 1:0 Madsen-level Voskuhl. Marcus Banks collected on a single-giveaway +1 as well, but in 1:24.

Bobcats-Nyets: Nazr Mohammed spent 18:07 collecting two boards, only to take a rejection and three fouls and giveaways each for a 6:2 Voskuhl.

Hawks-Bucks: I guess it's time for the raccoon tail, as THE Mario West and Randolph Morris have become Mario Brothers for the THIRD time in about a week, in 10 seconds of screen time shared with Fred Savage and Rilo Kiley's Jenny Lewis!

Dan Gadzuric fouled twice and bricked once in 4:27 to earn a +3 that also garnered a 2:0 Voskuhl. Primoz Brezec brought home the bacon with a 3.9 trillion (3:55) for Milwaukee.

Wolves-Spurs: Damien Wilkins bricked twice (once from the Riverwalk) and fouled twice in 8:02 for a +4!

Rockets-Kings: With Discount Store returning to Sactown for his first capital-area blue light special in months, Ime Udoka was able to save up 1.25 trillion (1:15)!

Labels: Detroit Pistons, Indiana Pacers, Los Angeles Clippers, Memphis Grizzlies, Milwaukee Bucks, Minnesota Timberwolves, New Jersey Nets, Philadelphia 76ers, Worst of the Night

Today's sad bench photo is brought to you by theBring Chris Bosh To Chicago This Summer foundation.
The Excremento Kings: Thank you so much, Purple Paupers, for possibly helping to screw up Basketbawful's dream season by giving the New Jersey Nyets their eighth win. No, really. Thanks. You can expect a gift basket filled with gorilla feces and biting insects to arrive by courier van pretty much any minute. And no, I don't want to hear about how this was your third straight game without Tyreke Evans. You really should have been able to get your freak on against the Nyets even without The Freak.

Said Excremento coach Paul Westphal: "I would say it's not even really close, so far, by miles and miles our worst game of the year in every way." Hey, maybe you should bench Spencer Hawes again, Paul. Because that so worked before. Or maybe some other random act of stupidity. Bitch slap Andres Nocioni, maybe? Ooo, or maybe knock on Omri Casspi's hotel room door and then run away. That would be coaching genius.

Added Carl Landry: "You really don't want to lose to this team. They are facing the worst record of all-time in NBA history and this is a team you just don't want to lose to. It will be a game I will remember forever, the rest of my life."

SAD TROMBONE.

Bonus Bawful: The comments from last night's BAD post.

Devin Harris, quote machine: "It's always a nice feeling to win. It's been a rough year for all of us. It's a good feeling to see guys cheerful back in the locker room and excited about coming to work tomorrow. Hopefully, we can hang onto this and carry it into the next game." For the record, the Nyets are now 31-103 since Devin Harris said "We knew we were going to be a playoff team" back in December of 2008.

The Orlando Magic: The Magicians lead the league in Defensive Rebounding Percentage (.772) and -- going into the final play of last night's game in Atlanta -- had outrebounded the Hawks 48-37 (including a 9-2 advantage in offensive rebounds). Too bad they forgot to block out on the final and most important play of the game...


I've seen crippled garden gnomes with better last-second reflexes. How does a garden gnome become crippled? That's not for you to know, mortal fool.

Said Magic coach Stan Van Gundy Ron Jeremy: "On the weak side, we just stood and watched. The guys on the court are doing the same thing the guys on the bench are doing: just standing there watching." So in a way...the Magic have become their coach. Only without the super-sexy t-shirt-and-blazer combo. Weird.

This win clinched a playoff berth for the Hawks and the very first postseason appearance for Jamal Crawford, who began the night having played [insert scary music here] 666 games without making it to the postseason. That was the third-longest drought in NBA history, and also a sign that Crawford must have done something truly unspeakable to make it happen.

"I finally got it," Crawford said, breaking into a big smile and trying to wipe the virgin goat blood off his sacrificial dagger.

The Denver Nuggets: Speaking of clinching playoff berths, the Celtics did that last night at the expense of the Nuggets. Denver had second-night-of-back-to-backs-itis, missing 12 free throws, getting outrebounded 45-36 (including 17-8 on the offensive glass), getting outscored in the paint 58-28, and giving up 28 points off 17 turnovers. Obviously, getting outplayed in most of the significant categories will get you beat.

The loss -- make it three straight, by the way -- dropped the Nuggets a half-game behind the Dallas Mavericks and into a third-place tie with Utah in the Western Conference. Remember: This is the team that's supposed to challenge the Lakers in the playoffs. And yet despite the fact that they've been the second-best team in the West most of the season, they're only 17-19 outside of Denver. That's the eighth-best road record in their conference. If elite teams usually win on the road and the Nuggets do not win on the road, then...

Of course, the excuse parade is marching down Nuggets street because coach George Karl missed his ninth straight game (cancer treatment) while Kenyon Martin missed his 11th in a row (left knee tendinitis). Said Chauncey Billups: "It's tough playing without your head coach and the guy [Martin] that has the biggest presence and the biggest voice on the team. There is nobody stressing on it. We just have to man up and get ourselves through it."

The Washington Wizards Generals Bullets: One night after Andray Blatch decided listening to his coach was purely optional, and Flip Saunders benched him and declared he probably wouldn't see court time against the Pacers, Saunders totally caved and played Blatch 39 minutes. The result? A 99-82 loss that allowed Washington to tie the franchise record for consecutive defeats (13).

Karma really is a bitch.

I mean, remember what Saunders said after Blatch refused to D up and then also refused to listen to Flip tell him to play defense? Here. Allow me to remind you: "Fifteen years, I've never seen anything like it, never. He can be pissed at me or whatever, but you never leave your teammates hanging out to dry like that, no matter what, especially when you've lost 11 games in a row and you’ve got a chance to win a game. Uncalled for. We'll deal with it." I like to imagine he punctuated that statement by running a finger across his neck, executioner-style.

Apparently, Flip's method of "dealing with it" was letting Blatch log game highs in minutes and shot attempts. If there's a team in this league that needs discipline and leadership, it's the Bullets. But this was an epic fail in those categories, and several others that haven't even been discoverd by earth science yet.

Update! As Basketbawful reader Hellshocked pointed out, this situation is even worse than I originally painted it. Here's some of Blatch's blather about this incident:

"There's a lot of misunderstandings," Blatche said on 106.7 The Fan's Mike Wise Show. "I'd say out of 100 percent of the situation, I'd say blame me 25 percent. They took me out of the game, I heard [Flip Saunders] say something to me but I just sat down on the bench. I was frustrated, I didn't want to make things worse, so I just sat down. And after that he just sat me down for the rest of the game, and I didn't come back in."

"We had a meeting today at breakfast, and one of the coaches said I owe my teammates an apology. And I said, 'Actually, I don't, because I still don't feel that I'm wrong.' Because I never said I don't want to play....

"It was Randy Wittman, because Flip, he has a migraine, he didn't come to the meeting. So I guess he had randy speak for him, and when Randy said that I felt once again disrespected again, because I didn't say the word that they said I'm saying. And I'm not gonna just roll with the punches and be looked at as a bad person when I didn't do something wrong. If I do something wrong, I don't have a problem with saying I was wrong and I owe you an apology. But I don't, because I never said I don't want to play."

"He said that in the meeting after the game. Coaches are never wrong. And that's the problem. That's the problem right there. I mean, as a man, everybody makes mistakes. But as a man, you have to learn how to apologize, and therefore he needs to apologize, because he was wrong, because I never said that."

"This situation, I wish it never occurred, but you know it's gonna blow over after a while. To me, I think this will all go away if I receive an apology, because to abuse my name like that, that's disrespectful and that's hurtful. And you want me to play for you after you made all these stories about me in the paper and after the game? That's crazy."

You know, everybody's always looking for the next Bird, the next Jordan, the next Magic...nobody's ever looking for the next Dennis Rodman or next Ron Artest. Well, I think we found one of the next of those last two guys. Now if he would only release a rap CD and ask for a mid-season vacation so he could do a publicity tour...

Oh, and by the way, here's an extra special (and totally sarcastic) double thumb's up to the Pacers. As BadDave put it: "For you Royalty double-timers, you can always offer this consolation. Bawful (and I) are Pacers fans. Our team doesn't start winning until it hurts their draft..."

As always, Approval Guy approves.
The Toronto Craptors: This is your birthday song! It isn't very long! [polite applause] That's about how long Chris Bosh's 26th birthday celebration lasted against the Jazz last night. Utah raced out to a 33-17 lead after one quarter and then pretty much just coasted in for a 113-87 win. In Toronto of course.

And the RuPaul of Big Men wasn't happy. Said Bosh: "[The Jazz are] good, they're one of the best teams in the West. But that's still no excuse. We didn't come to play. "Yeah, they're good, but we have to [say], 'Who cares? We're still going to win this game.' And I don't think we have that fire right now."

Is it teammate blaming time? Yep, it's teammate blaming time.

Said Bosh: "I can't instill it in guys. You have to have it on your own. As much as I would like to do everything, I can't do everything. Personally, you have to bring something to the plate. Whatever gets guys going, we have to find it."

Mmmm. Smells like leadership. The bad kind, but it's still leadership, right?

Jarret Jack, quote machine: "We got our butts kicked, bottom line. I don't think anybody in here is into moral victories. We fought hard and got blown out. That's just the way I feel about it."

The Minnesota Timberwolves: My favorite quote from the AP recap of the Timberpoops-Bobcats game: "It took a trip to the weight room, some special exercises and a ball of tape to help Stephen Jackson overcome a painful finger injury and break out of his shooting slump." Let's just rewrite that to: "It took a trip to the weight room, some special exercises and a ball of tape to help Stephen Jackson overcome a painful case of poisonous werewolf cramps." I like that version better.

Blah, blah, blah, Minnesota blown out, blah, blah, blah, 14-58 on the year and 5-32 on the road, blah, blah, blah. Minny let Charlotte shoot nearly 54 percent. Now here's some blah, blah, blah from Kurt Rambis.

"Our team has difficulty sustaining their defense. They lose focus," Rambis said. "They get away from their defensive game plan. It's inexcusable for us as a team to turn the basketball over as much as we do and also give up 66 points in the paint. That number is just ridiculous."

And believe you me, anybody who coaches in Minnesota knows ridiculous.

Stephen Jackson, unintentionally dirty quote machine: "I do a lot of stuff with my left hand, so it's been frustrating."

The New Orleans Hornets: Last night's 105-92 home loss to the Craboliers made me think, man, what if Chris Paul was pla...wait, what? He did play? For, like, 31 minutes?

Well...shit.

Said Paul: "I have to get back into the flow and understand what we're doing. Hopefully that will come sooner than later." Yeah, especially since your team is one loss away from playoff elimination, Chris. No pressure, tho'.

The Milwaukee Bucks: Chugchugchugchugchugchug...CHOO CHOO!! That's the Bucks Train comin' at ya, baby! 15-2 in their last 17 games! Unstoppable! A friggin' force of nature! Fear the deer! They're the Juggernaut bitch! So their 101-86 home win over the Sixers isn't all that surpr...

...wait, they lost by that score? At home? To the Sixers?! That's like a boot to the head from, like, Aquaman.

You knew it was coming, right?
Jerry Stackhouse, who recently got into the best shape of his life using P90X, said: "We've got to understand, we haven't clinched anything yet. We've still got to win games to make sure we secure ourselves a spot."

Added Andy Bogut: "We're [not] past that point where we look at teams that are below us and expect an easy win. We're not that good yet. Definitely not. We just came out and didn't play well tonight."

Concluded Milwauke coach Scott Skiles: "In three months, two teams are going to be playing in the NBA finals, so if you're fatigued right now you're probably not up to that challenge. That's the reality of it, but I can't deny what I see with my own eyes."

Damn. Those are some pretty sour grapes from a team that's 15-3 in their last 18 games. I think expectations for the Bucks have gotten a little out of control.

Elton Brand: Damn. Even when his team shoots nearly 53 percent from the field and scores over 100 points in a blowout win, Brand still sucks. The 80 Million Dollar Man finished with 6 rebounds and 3 points on 1-for-7 shooting.

The Houston Rockets: Team Scrappy fell behind 39-25 by the end of the first quarter and then spent the rest of the game making fishin' plans. After all, the 122-104 loss in Oklahoma City knocked them 5 1/2 games behind the eighth-place Frail Blazers in the Western Conference. And the Money Ballers have only 12 games left to make up that ground.

Huh. I guess teams need stars after all. And no, Trevor Ariza does not count as a star, no matter what Ron Artest says. Niether, apparently, does Kevin Martin (8 points in 28 minutes) or Aaron Brooks (3-for-12).

(Okay, okay. The Houston bench was a little bare, as the Rockets were missing Shane Battier, Jordan Hill and Jared Jeffries, and had to call up D-Leaguers Jermaine Taylor and Mike Harris. But I honestly didn't get the feeling Battier, Hill and Jeffries would have made the difference last night.)

The San Antonio Spurs: I know last night's 92-83 home loss to the Lakers -- during which they were outscored 51-35 in the second half -- looked bad. I'll grant you that. But the Spurs are a second half of the season tea...wait, this is the second half of the season? Eh, no matter. The Spurs will kick it into gear for the stretch ru...wait, this is the stretch run? Oh, and did I mention the Lakers were without Andrew Bynum?

Uh oh.

The Memphis Grizzlies: It seems worth noting that the Grizzlies are still in the hunt for a playoff spot out West. Mathematically speaking, they're right there in the chase, which means games against, let's say, the second-worst team in the conference are ones Memphis kinda-sorta has to win. Right...?

Only the Warriors scored almost 80 first-half points, shot nearly 55 percent from the field, and won 128-110. Man, I bet Zach Randolph was having flashbacks to his days with the [insert crappy team name here].

Said O.J. Mayo: "We didn't play any defense, nobody. It's not about the offense. We gave up 78 points in the first half -- enough said."

Added Mike Conley: "We were sleepwalking the first half. They were being aggressive and making shots. We just didn't play defense in the first half."

Who knew Marc Gasol was the linchpin of the Grizzlies' defense? The ninth-place Grizzlies are now 4 1/2 games behind the Frail Blazers in the Western Conference with 10 games remaining.

Dubious records and historic fails from the AP game notes: "The Warriors had their highest-scoring first half of the season, including a season-best 44 in the second quarter. ... The 78 points allowed were a Grizzlies opponent franchise record."

Lacktion report: If you note a hint of sadness in chris's lacktion report, please refer to the entry above titled "Excremento Kings."

Hawks-Magic: Josh Smith's monster slam may be the story of the night, but how about Dwight Howard going 11 for 16 at the stripe and earning a DANTLEY?!?!?

Back to lacktion - Marcin Gortat countered a board with a trio of fouls in 4:16 for a 3:1 Voskuhl, while THE Mario West ran into a Goomba for a foul in 36 seconds, resulting in a +1 suck differential and his namesake stat, the Mario! (This also happens to be the 4th time in 8 days that Mario West has donned the plumber's overalls, making the term even more appropriate than ever!)

Nuggets-Celtics: Marquis Daniels bricked once from the Big Dig and fouled thricely in 6:01 for a +4 - his second suck differential of that score in five days! Shelden Williams tossed a brick once in 54 seconds to complete a Tetris puzzle, which earned him a +1 and a Mario.

Wolves-Bobcats: Ryan Hollins negated a steal in 7:26 with a brick, foul, rejection and giveaway for a 2:0 Voskuhl. For Charlotte, Gerald Henderson tossed a piece of masonry in 2:22 for a +1.

Jazz-Raptors: Marcus Banks deposited a pair of bricks from Yonge Street in 3:03, also fouling and losing the rock once each for a +4!

Kings-Nyets: Okay. The Paupers gave the Nyets their 8th win of the year.

:facepalm:

Now that that's taken care of...Dominic McGuire got 6 seconds of Nintendo DS time tonight in a Super Mario at Brendan Byrne Arena, while the Kings broadcast crew noted that Devin Harris actually took a foul with 35 seconds to go to give Chris Quinn a stint worthy of the Famicom, finishing out the game for a celebratory Mario! Trenton Hassell capitalized on Kiki Vanderweghe's generosity and bricked once in 4:16 for a +1.

Sixers-Bucks: In a rare losing effort during this John Salmons Era, Kurt Thomas wasted away two boards and a block in 12:18 with four fouls for a 4:2 Voskuhl.

Crabs-Hornets: With Darnell "Lacktion" Jackson no longer on the roster, Jawad Williams stepped up in a pinch and tossed a brick for a +1 in 1:20.

Lakers-Spurs: DJ Mbenga made one free throw in 4:42, but fouled and gave up the rock once each for a 2:1 Voskuhl; Josh Powell also made the Voskuhl ranks tonight in 6:03 by negating two boards with four bricks, two fouls, and a giveaway for a 3:2. Sasha Vujacic provided Jerry Buss with more funds for his weekly poker rendezvous with a 2.7 trillion (2:44).

For the Spurs, Malik Hairston and Ian Mahinmi made 1.2 trillion each together (1:11) for Gregg Popovich.

Grizzlies-Warriors: Anthony Morrow, our latest addition to the season-long lacktion ledger, gave Team Nellieball a +2 in 2:24 via foul and giveaway.

Labels: Denver Nuggets, Milwaukee Bucks, Minnesota Timberwolves, New Orleans Hornets, Orlando Magic, Sacramento Kings, San Antonio Spurs, Toronto Raptors, Washington Wizards, Worst of the Night