Why do pictures of Pacers fans always leave me feeling depressed?
Footbawful! Only one end zone will be used at Wrigley Field for tomorrow night's Northwestern/Illinois football game. Here are the rules that will be followed to accomodate such a ridiculous effort. Big Ten Commissioner James E. Delany explained: “Both Illinois and Northwestern did significant due diligence over the past 18 months, but after seeing the actual layout of the field, all parties felt that it was appropriate to adjust the rules to further enhance the safety of our student-athletes." Well, apparently their due diligence wasn't significant enough! What did they do? Forego actually measuring stuff out and drawing up a blueprint or a CAD model? I mean, I'm sure it was cheaper to just have some guy walk onto the field and go "yeah, this looks like it'll fit," but there's got to be a better due diligence strategy than that.
Some of the best Twitter reactions to this news:

espn_page2: This seems... less than ideal.
bruce_arthur: First rule of Northwestern-Illinois game: Nobody throw any interceptions! Second rule: Nobody fumble! Third rule: No blocked kicks! #christ
bomani_jones: so i understand: it actually took someone PUTTING THE GOALPOST ON THE BRICK WALL to see what a bad idea this was?
bomani_jones: i also imagine that field, someone making a horrified face, and an engineer saying, "wait, you don't like it?"
espn_page2: Maybe Northwestern-Illinois can be like old-school video games, where when a player intercepts a pass, the whole field spins around.
HardyVision: Big deal, Ron Zook's played plenty of games where there only was scoring in 1 endzone...

Of course, this isn't the only epic fail seen this week in Chicago. Behold:



Worst of the Night in Pictures:

"I really missed seeing you go 0-for-8 from the field, Hedo!""Ball."

You already saw this picture like eighty times in the WOTN comic, but damnit, it's worth seeing againAlso, we really need to start a pool on "When will VDN be fired?"

Aww man, why did I have to go and waste my Saturday Night Fever reference on last night's post?

Demoralizing.

The rest of the Suns were taking it from behind last night, might as well do it to Josh Childress as well

Nationally Televised Friday Games:
Thunder at Celtics, ESPN, 7pm: Per Lisa Salters: "Kevin Durant tells me he is 50-50 for tonite. Turned his left ankle WED v. Houston. MRI yesterday negative." And suddenly this game threatened to become 800% less interesting.

Bulls at Mavericks, ESPN, 9:30pm: The Circus Trip continues! You know you want to watch.

All The Other Friday Games:
Bucks at 76ers, 7pm: This game on the other hand... you know you don't want to watch.

Grizzlies at Wizards Generals, 7pm: John Wall's ankle can't heal fast enough for the poor Generals. You never want Gilbert Arenas leading you into battle.

Rockets at Craptors, 7pm: Speaking of injuries, it sounds like Yao Ming will be out at least another two weeks. So that means it'll be three weeks until he begins his next stint on the injured list.

Bobcraps at Heat, 7:30pm: From what I gather, the Heat will need the guys at The Basketball Jones to make a smack video about Chris Bosh every gameday to motivate him. Good luck with that.

Cavaliers at Hornets, 8pm: Food for thought: the Cavaliers bench has been leading the league in bench scoring at 44 ppg. Maybe all the stuff about LeBron never having a good supporting cast was just a tiny bit overblown?

Lakers at Timberwolves, 8pm: And thus ends the miraculous two-game stretch of Darko not playing like Darko.

Spurs at Jazz, 9pm: Anyone else excited to see Tony Parker the next few games? I'm going to keep an eye out for pictures of him trying to seduce women in the stands, particularly in the wives and girlfriends section.

Nyets at Kings, 10pm: The Nyets' defense has been surprisingly good. Unfortunately, their offense is offensively horrible. They must be overjoyed to get a chance to play against the Purple Paupers to help turn things around!

Bricks at Warriors, 10:30pm: _efense! (clap clap) _efense! (clap clap) Also, this video cracks me the hell up.


* * *

Nationally Televised Saturday Games:
Mavericks at Hawks, NBA TV, 8pm: Interesting stats... Dallas is not a terribly high scoring offense (23rd in the league at 97.3PPG), but they are 6th in the league in assists (22.7 APG). By the numbers, that is efficient, quality ball movement. However, I haven't actually sat down and watched a Mavs game yet this year. Can anyone confirm?

All The Other Saturday Games:
Magic at Pacers, 7pm: Well, at least we have an entertaining coach to make this game interesting. (Thank you, Stan Van Gundy) Speaking of entertaining coaches, why was I unaware of this coach until after he retired? This guy is awesome:
(via Deadspin)
Suns at Bobcraps, 7pm: Oh please please please tell me Nash will be healthy for this game. I don't think I could stand another embarrassing loss right now.

Heat at Grizzlies, 8pm: Do people in Tennessee really even care about the Grizzlies? (I suppose I could drive the 4 hours to Memphis to find out, but why???) College sports are huge in this general area, however, so I assume this would be of bigger news to Tennessee basketball fans: Bruce Pearl has been suspended for the first 8 SEC games of Tennessee's season. All because he had some kid over for a barbeque. (Gross oversimplifcation, but just go with it) All I can say is that better damn well have been one awesome barbeque. If they smoked some ribs and a whole pork shoulder or something, it's totally worth it.

Thunder at Bucks, 8:30pm: Good time for the Bucks to catch the Thunder. They'll be on the second night of a back-to-back (both road games) after a game against the Celtics, not to mention Durant isn't 100%. If they have anything resembling offense, now would be a good time to prove it.

Cavaliers at Spurs, 8:30pm: Cleveland is pretty awful at rebounding at the moment (28th in the NBA). Have fun, Tim Duncan, DeJuan Blair, and Antonio McDyess!

Nyets at Nuggets, 9pm: Anyone else just not that interested in seeing Melo go through the motions like a prostitute on her fourth john of the day?

Jazz at Frail Blazers, 10pm: Just FYI Jazz fans, Baron Davis has got this shit under control. Great scott!

* * *

Nationally Televised Sunday Games:
Hornets at Kings, NBA TV, 6pm: According to Bill Simmons, "...I never realized how much Cousins would struggle to stay on the court. Through nine games: 196 minutes, 40 fouls. That's 9.8 fouls per 48 minutes, which (if it held) would be the highest number for anyone averaging 16-plus minutes since Danny Fortson's legendary 12.0 in 2005." Greg Oden might be hurt, but his foul-the-bejesus-out-of-everyone spirit lives on.

All The Other Sunday Games:
Celtics at Craptors, 1pm: Rondo's going to be handing out more dimes than the people passing by the Salvation Army bucket going into the grocery store.

Wizards Generals at Pistons, 6pm: Just go Google Image Search "facepalm" and save me the trouble.

Warriors at Lakers, 9:30pm: While I am pleasantly surprised to see the Warriors are actually halfway good this year, I have to admit... it's really a bummer to go through the game pictures each day and not have guaranteed comedy from pictures of Don Nelson coaching.

Labels: Bawful After Dark, Footbawful, Hedo Turkoglu, Indiana Pacers, Vinny Del Negro

Labels: Dwight Howard, Los Angeles Clippers, Phoenix Suns, Steve Nash, Vinny Del Negro

Golden State is just full of morale
Have you ever wondered what Stan Van Gundy would look like without a mustache? Or with mutton chops? Here's your opportunity: The Interactive Stan Van Gundy Makeover. (Thanks Basketbawful reader Big Aaron)

Seriously, that link is a must-click. Go check it out. It's bound to be more fun than 99% of tonight's games.

In news that should be shocking to absolutely nobody that reads this blog, Isaiah Rider is a damn trainwreck and has been arrested again. For some reason, he thought it would be a good idea to kidnap his one-month-old son Isaiah Rider IV. For those keeping score at home, this is the fourth time this month that Rider has been in trouble with the law. I would detail his other run-ins with Johnny Law, but I don't feel like wearing out my keyboard.

Also, some tidbits from this story:
1) The Lakers are so bored that DJ Mbenga convinced Ron Artest he wasn't crazy enough and needed to dye his hair blond.
2) Lamar Odom wants to grow a playoff beard and also dye it blond.
3) Phil Jackson is already working the refs and trying to play mind games with Kevin Durant.

Worst of the Night in Pictures:
Apparently Mbenga decided Artest wasn't crazy enough. Never thought I'd type those words...

Alright, that's it. I'm going shopping for a bright purple suit.

With all that's going on with the Bulls and VDN right now, do I really need to caption this?

Aren't you glad Nellie's going to be back next year?
Nationally Televised Games:
Grizzlies at Thunder: We have eleven games starting tonight at 8pm. And this is the one ESPN is airing? Could be worse, I suppose. At least it isn't a Pacers-Bullets game or something.

Suns at Jazz: So what's been the secret to the Suns' success this year? Take a look:


All The Other Games:
Crabs at Hawks: The Hawks know the Crabs won't give a crap about this game and LeBron will be resting again. Maybe the Hawks will repay the favor by showing some southern hospitality and take the Crabs to this place. Now that's my kind of restaurant.

Spurs at Mavericks: Ooh, a potential first round preview game. If the Mavs win, the Spurs will be dropped to the #7 seed.

Hornets at Rockets: The last time the Rockets played, we got to see a classic revenge game from Kevin Martin. In this game, however, we have absolutely nothing to look forward to.

Bucks at Celtics: The last game between these teams was intense like a playoff game. And it's possible that these teams will face each other in the first round if the Heat lose tonight to help the Bucks get the #5 seed...

Nyets at Heat: ...Yeah. So much for that #5 seed, Milwaukee. Have fun playing the Hawks in the first round!

Pistons at Timberwolves: Ugh.

76ers at Magic: A victory here and the Magic will lock up home court advantage if they have an NBA Finals rematch against the Lakers. Nice to know at least one team has some reason to show up for this game.

Pacers at Bullets: Oh, damn it all. What a horrible game. (For perspective, I believe it won't even be televised!) On behalf of another Washington team:

Bricks at Craptors: The Craptors can still get into the postseason with a win here and a Bulls loss tonight. Bosh is out, and Weems is a game-time decision. However, their opponent is STILL the Bricks, so hold your heads up guys! There's still a chance you'll get to lose another four games in a row before you get to call it a season.

Bulls at Bobcats: Well, the Bobcats may have nothing to play for, but coach Larry Brown isn't going to give the Bulls a free pass: "It will be a meaningful game for Chicago, so we're going to have to go out and try to win. It wouldn't be right just to go out and play." I have to admit, I kind of respect that.

Lakers at Clippers: Well, if there's ever been a chance for the Clippers to build some momentum, this has to be it. Then again, considering the Clippers and they are who we thought they were, they'll probably go and do something Clippery and lose this game by 30 points or something.

Warriors at Frail Blazers: If you're trying to lock up the #6 seed, the Warriors HAS to be on your short list of desired opponents, right?

Labels: Bawful After Dark, Don Nelson, Stan Van Gundy, Vinny Del Negro

I want it so "Aw, it's okay, Vinny." But it isn't. It really isn't.
The Boston Celtics: When Danny Ainge went balls out to acquire Kevin Garnett and Ray Allen back in 2007, the only undercurrent of fear was that the Celtics might have mortgaged their future for instant gratification. Hey, it's the American way, right? But by the time Boston won 66 games and beat the hated Lakers in the 2008 NBA Finals, those fears seemed totally unjustified.

But right now, in April of 2010, those fears have been totally justified.

Danilo Gallinari scored a career-high 31 points, Earl Barron finished with 17 points and a career-best 18 rebounds in his first NBA start in two years after spending most of this season in the freaking D-League, and the once mighty Celtics lost to the Bricks in New York despite shooting 54 percent from the field (compared to 44 percent for the Bricks).

Did I mention that the New Yorkers were without Knee-Mac (sore left knee), Al Harrington (sore left ankle) and Wilson Chandler (sore left groin)?

Not only were the Celtics -- who bobbled away the win by committing 18 turnovers -- outrebounded 44-34, but they looked like the Three Stooges Plus Two on their final play, during which they couldn't even get off a shot before the buzzer. The final score: Brick 104, Celtics 101.

Outplayed and (worse) outworked by the undermanned and one-defeat-away-from-50-losses Bricks. It's a new low in a season full of them for these Celtics.

The Toronto Craptors: The Craptors let the Crabs shoot 56 percent as LeBron James and Mo Williams combined for 25 assists, equaling the total output of everbody on the Toronto roster. Can you tell the Craptors are fighting for the eighth and final playoff spot in the East?

As if the loss wasn't bad enough, Chris Bosh suffered a "maxilla and nasal fracture to the right side of his face" thanks to an atomic elbow from Antawn Jamison. No word yet on Bosh's status for Toronto's remaining games.

FINISH HIM!!!
Despite all the blood and Bosh's near decapitation, 'Tawn was genuinely surpised he almost killed a man: "I didn't think it was that severe. But once he went down, you knew it was. I didn't think I hit him that hard at all. It was just a bad angle and an unfortunate play. Freakish things like that happen." Jamison the rested the elbow on a trainer's table, which promptly blew the fuck up.

Here's some extra funny from an anonymous commenter:

I just heard some amazing commentary from the craptors' home feed:

Announcer 1: Hey, they gave us one green die, makes me feel like Vegas. (rolls a 6)

Announcer 2: Woah! Oh, the Raptors have 6 games remaining. Why don't you roll that again and see how many of those they're going win?

(*I think you see where this is going*)

Announcer 1: (rolls die-pauses) Why don't I try that again?

Proceeds to roll 3 more times before commercial break, never announcing how many games the Craps will win.

Sonny Weems, quote machine: "Every game we've played [the Cavaliers], it's been real close. I don't think they want that in the first round of the playoffs. We're going to come to play."

The Chicago Bulls: After a season full of bad breaks and dumb luck, the Bulls finally had things going their way. Toronto, the team standing between the Bulls and a playoff berth, got beat in Cleveland and Chris Bosh was nearly manslaughtered. And Chicago's opponent, the Miwaukee Bucks, had already lost Andrew Bogut for the season so he could recover from surgery on his broken hand. If you believe in statistical voodoo like PER, Win Shares an common sense, then you know Bogut was Milwaukee's best player.

So, to sum up: All the Bulls had to do to tie the Bosh-less Craptors in the standings was win a critical home game against the Bogut-less Bucks.

I'm sure you see where this is going.

The Bulls squandered a 13-point first-quarter lead by scoring a season-low 9 points in the second period and went on to lose despite holding the Bucks to 79 points on 36 percent shooting. John Salmons haunted his former team by scoring a game-high 26 points and making critcal plays down the stretch. Speaking of critcal plays down the stretch...

Vinny Del Negro: So the Bulls were down by three points with under 10 seconds to go, and this is what they got coming out of a timeout: A Brad Miller turnover after the big man tried to charge the hoop from 20 feet away. Really? That's the best play the Bulls could come up with when there entire season was on the line?!

Even better. After a forced foul on Brandon Jennings, the Bulls were down four with about six seconds left. Chicago's play coming out of a timeout? A midrange jumper by Kirk Hinrich, who was 4-for-16 on the night.

The Philadelphia 76ers: It looked like Philly was going to get a much-needed break during a season of torture. After all, the Pistons shambled into the City of Brotherly Hate on an 11-game losing streak. What's more, Charlie Villanueva has been bitching about his life to the press and via Twitter. Let's face it: Detroit is a crappy team in disarray.

And yet...the Pistons transformed into road warriors, shooting 62 percent for the game and beating the Sixers 124-103 behind a season-high 18 points from Ben Wallace.

Said Philly coach Eddie Jordan: "Too bad there's not a Phillies game or another [Donovan] McNabb trade to keep you guys occupied. It was just a poor performance and no excuse."

Jordan then provided an excuse by blaming shoddy effort by Elton Brand and Sammy Dalembert.

Responded Dalembert: "He's the coach and he's the boss. He's not happy and we're not happy. I'm out there trying hard and hustling. I don't have a problem with the coach."

That's fine, Sam, because he won't be your coach much longer.

John Kuester, quote machine: "Our guys made a conscious effort to play defense." Note: The Sixers shot 52 percent for the game.

The Golden State Warriors: So much for Don Nelson passing Lenny Wilkins for most coaching wins in NBA history. The Warriors, due to illness and injury, were limited to only seven players and lost 112-94 to the Washington Wizards Generals Bullets.

Said Nellie: "Not a very good effort, but when we start running out of bodies ... I wish I could've rested some guys more, but you've got to have five guys on the court at all times. If I could've got away with three, I would've done it."

I bet.

Here's some more Warrior fail, courtesy of ESPN Stats and Information: The Warriors have lost 15 of their last 17 road games. This loss dropped them to 1-18 when scoring fewer than 100 points this season. And, finally, Gol_en State has allowed more than 100 points in 19 straight games.

But wait, there's more! From the AP recap: "Nick Young scored a season-high 29 points, JaVale McGee set career highs with 25 points and 15 rebounds, Shaun Livingston matched a career-high with 21 points on 9-for-11 shooting and Andray Blatche added 21 points, giving the Wizards four 20-point scorers for the first time since December 2007."

People just love playing the Warriors.

The Memphis Grizzlies: Last night's 113-103 home loss to the slumping Rockets was best symbolized by Houston's 33-16 advantage in free throw attempts.

Said Trevor Ariza: "We fought so hard during the early part of the season to get into the playoffs. Now, to know that you have no chance is kind of tough to get motivated. That part caught up with us in the first half. Then, we realized we were playing for pride. We're playing for our team, our franchise, our families, and we started picking it up."

Too bad the same thing can't be said about the Memphis players.

The Excremento Kings: Blah, blah, blah, Paupers lost. Yeah, we know. But with their 95-86 victory in Sacramento, the Spurs have won 16 of their last 21 games and have officially been described as "surging." I couldn't help but notice the "surging" tag has been a kiss of death this season. Every time a team is described that way, bad things start to happen. The watch is on!

Defense: How 'bout that Thunder-Jazz game, huh? Yes, it was exciting. It was also a defenseless stat-padder that ended 140-39. From ESPN Stats and Information: "Deron Williams (42 points, 10 assists, one turnover) set a career-high for points, recorded his first 40-point, 10-assist game of his career and recorded just the 19th 40-point, 10-assist game with one or fewer turnovers since 1986-87. ... Carlos Boozer (28 points, 15 rebounds) picked up his 53rd double-double of the season. ... Kevin Durant (45 points) notched his 11th career 40-point game and became the leading scorer in the NBA through Tuesday."

How were the Gol_en State Warriors not involved in this game?

The Jazz and Thunder combined for 184 field goal attempts and 78 foul shots. But lack of D aside, the worst aspect of this game was quite clearly...

Officiating: Here's C.J. Miles' "block" of Kevin Durant's last-second shot in the Thunder-Jazz game. Apparently, arm is now part of the ball.


Update! Mike Bibby: From Basketbawful reader anne: "Just read the injury list - 'M. Bibby, ATL, PG - Ingrown toenail.' Does anything more need to be added? No, but geez, someone send him some Midol and a box of Tampax. I think I would have told them to put 'flu-like symptoms' instead if he's just wanting to rest before the playoffs." Speaking of the Bibster, he's earned exactly 77 free throws in 76 starts this season. His 1.0 FTA per game average is indeed a career low. I guess he's no fan of contact.

The NCAA Womens Championship Game: To this I say: Gak. Here's what Basketbawful reader DKH had to say: "OK, I didn't watch the women's championship game, but from the box score, that game must have just been full of bawful. Field goal percentages for the two teams: 26.5% and 32.8%. Connecticut enjoyed a 22-to-4 free throw attempt advantage (but only a 9-to-3 free throws made advantage [yes, 40.9% FT%; they must think they're Ben Wallace]). Not to mention Connecticut's 12 point first half, or that Stanford had only scored 2 second-half points when there were 12 minutes to go in the game."

Responded Basketbawful reader gordon gartrelle: "But...the women's game is so pure, so fundamentally sound! They play the way the game was meant to be played!"

Lacktion report: Now for chris's latest lacktivity update:

Hawks-Bobcats: Derrick Brown donned a plumber's hat and overalls in 22 seconds for a celebratory Mario!

Raptors-Crabs: Leon Powe let the ball slip from his claws once in 2:49 for a +1 suck differential, while Daniel Green pinched out a full 1.2 trillion (1:12) worth of greenbacks!

Bucks-Bulls: Hakim Warrick dreamed of a spot in the lacktion ledger, and after 4:21 in which he fouled twice and committed a turnover, he managed a +3!

Thunder-Jazz: Othyus Jeffers bricked once and fouled twice in 1:47 for a +3.

Spurs-Kings: One player on each squad got the chancce to play the Lost Levels: Ian Mahinmi of San Antonio with a 35-second Mario, and Jon Brockman with a 23-second stint of 8-bit video gaming for the purple paupers!

Labels: Boston Celtics, Chicago Bulls, Golden State Warriors, Memphis Grizzlies, officiating, Philadelphia 76ers, Sacramento Kings, Toronto Raptors, Vinny Del Negro, Worst of the Night

I had no idea Vinny was a fan of the Digital Underground



Sorry, but I had to open strong today. Gotta celebrate since I bowled my fourth sanctioned 300 game last night in league. What makes it even better is that my dad rolled his first 300 game last week in the same league! I'm really proud of him. And I can't think of any better way to celebrate (other than partying with Turkoglu) than watching the video for The Humpty Dance again. Yeah, I'm a little bit pissed they for some reason bleeped out the classic "Burger King" reference, but whatever.

It's nice to know I'm not alone on this one... Not only did Bawful pass along his respect for Tim Duncan in last night's BAD comments, but now Sports Illustrated's fantastic Joe Posnaski has written a counterpoint to Dan Shaugnessy's ridiculous article I wrote about yesterday. Stats don't always tell the whole story, but they go a long way in many discussions, and this is one such example. Duncan is a basketball machine, and that's all there is to it.

Worst of the Night in Pictures:


Flip Saunders' descent into madness continues as he now believes he is Spiderman


"I can't believe Derrick Rose stat cursed us so badly!!"


See that look on Grant Hill's face? That's intensity. This is a man very focused on his man love.
Nationally Televised Games:
Warriors at Jazz: A chance to see Don Nelson on ESPN? Count me in!

All The Other Games:
Lakers at Hawks: Will the Lakers actually give a shit? (shakes Magic 8 ball) Sources point to "no."

Bucks at Crabs: Forget that piece of crap 3D movie. The REAL Clash of the Titans is here: The Fish versus King Crab!

Clippers at Raptors: B-Dizzle will miss this game. Without the strength of his beard, the poor Clippers have a tough battle ahead. Not that they wouldn't anyway, but still.

76ers at Bobcats: This theoretically should be a relatively easy game for the Bobcats. But then again, this is the team that dropped two to the Nyets, so I can't put anything past them.

Thunder at Celtics: After that loss beatdown anal raping at the hands of the San Antonio Spurs (who went on to lose to the Nyets, mind you), I have zero expectations for this game and just want the regular season to end.

Heat at Pistons: It's so cold in the D, even when the Heat come to town.

Suns at Nyets: If the Nyets win this game, I'm going to start a new business selling hot coffee and ice skates in Hell.

Wizards Generals Bullets at Hornets: One last shot (Ha. I just made an unintentional gun-related joke in a Bullets writeup!) to prevent the ultimate March Sadness. Can Washington win one freaking game in the entire month of March??

Kings Purple Paupers at Timberwolves Timberpoops: It's hard to wrap my mind around just how truly bawful this game is. How often do I feel compelled to do the strike-through-the-name joke for two teams in one game?

Mavericks at Grizzlies: I didn't realize that the Mavs were just one game away from notching their tenth-consecutive 50 win season. Holy crap. That's pretty impressive, really. Nice to have a little anti-bawful every once in awhile!

Rockets at Spurs: Conversely, the Spurs are looking at potentially ending their own 10-season 50 win streak this year. (And for reference, the Showtime era Lakers are the only other team to do that!) Hopefully the Spurs show up feeling like they have something to prove after that abomination of a game against the Nyets...

Bricks at Frail Blazers: Well, now that Eddy Curry has officially been ruled out for the rest of the season, the rest of the Bricks can fine-tune their gameplan and start winning. Right? (Wrong.)

Labels: Bawful After Dark, Tim Duncan, Vinny Del Negro

No caption necessary.

Even more self-explanatory than the last one.

Somehow Tyreke Evans doing the Big Balls Dance didn't cause his team to lose.

I wonder if Amar'''''e has to wear eye protection now because he actually has gotten poked in the eye by the random apostrophe action?

Umm...

Redick is about two seconds from re-creating the Pauly D/Jwoww incident on Jersey Shore with Green Shirt Guy.

Apparently this is the play calling signal for "Imma drive the lane while everyone else stands still, okay?"

"The more I jut out my chin, the more my players will listen! Yeah!"

Labels: Bawful After Dark, Chicago Bulls, Footbawful, historical fail, Vinny Del Negro

"I'm so excited I am going to ram you with my sweaty groin. And you will like it."
The Chicago Bulls: I don't usually do this, but I'm raping my post at By The Horns. There's no sense in reinventing the wheel for this traveshamockery. I have added a few colorful updates.
...

Not again? How about never before?

With 8:49 left in the third quarter, John Salmons hit an 11-footer to help the Bulls go up 79-44 on the Kings. For those who enjoy simple math, that represented a 35-point lead with less than 21 minutes to go. Completely and utterly insurmountable, right?

Historically speaking, it should have been. But, of course, it was not. Otherwise, we wouldn't be here, would we?

Sacramento outscored Chicago an astounding 58-19 the rest of the way, including 33-10 in the fourth quarter. No home team had ever lost after building a lead that huge. It was the biggest come-from-ahead loss in Bulls franchise history. Conversely, it was the largest come-from-behind win in Kings franchise history. According to the Elias Sports Bureau, it was the biggest comeback since Utah overcame a 36-point deficit to beat Denver on November 27, 1996.

That's some pretty epic fail right there. As John Jackson of the Chicago Sun-Times said: "There's no way of knowing for sure, but the Bulls might be the first team in NBA history to be booed off their home court in a game in which they had a 35-point lead."

What makes this loss even more stunning is that things started off so well. The Bulls began the game by playing some of their best, most confident basketball of the season. In the first quarter, they shot lights out (71 percent), took care of the ball (zero turnovers), and played inspired defense (forcing the Kings into 39 percent shooting and 7 turnovers). Chicago went ahead by 24 at halftime and then opened the third quarter with a 12-1 run that seemed to put the game hopelessly out of the Sactowners' reach.

Frankly, it was the kind of performance that people have been expecting from the Bulls all season: efficiently and rather mercilessly taking care of business at home against a lesser team. And I'm sure coach Vinny Del Negro had to be thinking about getting his starters some rest for tomorrow night's game in New York.

Well, they got their rest all right...by going to sleep in the court. May I suggest some narcolepsy medication? Some 5-Hour Energy, perhaps?

My mind is still boggled by what happened. The Kings committed their fifth personal foul with 7:45 to go in the fourth quarter, which meant the Bulls would be shooting free throws on every foul from that point forward. After Salmons knocked down his freebies from that foul, Chicago was still up 94-79. All the Bulls had to do to secure the win was be aggressive, attack the basket, and force Sacramento to foul them. You want to know how many foul shots they earned in the next seven minutes? Four. And they missed two of them.

Instead of pressing their advantage, the Bulls got sloppy. How sloppy? Chicago gave up 23 points off 20...all after the first quarter. They committed nine of those turnovers in the fourth quarter, including two shot clock violations, a three-second violation and a carry. They went 2-for-10 from the field during the fourth while giving up 17 points in the final 3:08. The Bulls also surrendered four huge offensive rebounds in that final period, including two in the final 1:12 that led to 1) Evans' 22-footer that made it 99-96 with 50 seconds left and 2) Evans' free throw that made it 100-98 with 15 seconds left. Obviously, those boards were critical.

What in the name of Spiderman's balls happened? I mean, I've seen blocks of cheese that didn't melt down that completely, even after I forgot about them and left them in the microwave for a half hour. Yeah, don't ask.

Said Luol Deng: "I think we relaxed. We were making mistakes defensively. We were just not aggressive and that carries over to offense. It's frustrating."

Added Del Negro: "It was a matter of us not being smart at either end. It's frustrating. It's difficult. But what are you going to do, put your head down and feel sorry for yourself?"

Oh, I don't know, Vinny...how about making some defensive adjustments? Tyreke Evans absolutely killed the Bulls down the stretch. In the final 2:13, Evans outscored the Bulls 9-3 by himself. He started by bolting past Kirk Hinrich and converting a layup while also drawing a foul from Deng. (And of course he knocked down the ensuing free throw.) He hit another driving layup on Sacramento's next possession, tying the game in the process.

On the Kings' next trip down the floor, Evans got past Hinrich again, drawing the foul. He hit the first foul shot to put Sacramento up by a point. Evans bricked the second freebie, but the Bulls couldn't corral his miss. The Kings milked the shot clock before Evans drilled a 22-footer in Deng's face to put his team up 99-96 with 50 seconds left.

That was a real kick to the balls is what that was.

Here's what I want to know. Once it became obvious that the Bulls couldn't contain Evans with single coverage -- the dude was leaving skid marks on poor Hinrich -- why didn't Vinny switch things up? Maybe throw a few double teams at him, try to get the ball out of his hands. Wouldn't it be better to make, say, Beno Udrih or Jon Brockman try to beat you?

Here's another thought. Once it became obvious the Bulls were sleepwalking through the fourth quarter, why not insert Jannero Pargo? And I mean before there are only five seconds left in the game. The guy is a spark plug. I can guarantee you Pargo would have been aggressive even if everybody else was standing around twiddling their thumbs. If you have somebody who can come off the bench shooting, what better time to use him than to counter a case of group lethargy?

Look, I've tried to cut Vinny some slack. I mean, we all know he's not Phil Jackson. (He's not even Patches O'Houlihan.) We also know he's had to deal with a brutal schedule, a variety of injuries and a group of underperforming players. But it's the coach's job to make the necessary adjustments when his team starts to let down. Defensive switches, strategic substitutions, demanding that his players attack the rim on every single possession to take advantage of being in the penalty. Any one of these things might have saved the Bulls from this catastrophe.

And make no mistake: my use of the word "catastrophe" is not an overstatement. The team's psyche has been fragile all season. After a handful of strong performances last week, they were finally getting a little swagger back. I saw it in the first half. But this kind of loss is a confidence killer. The Bulls are probably afraid to even try unwrapping a piece of bubblegum at this point.

Bonus extra: Go here to read a chris's breakdown of the game with links to several related writeups.

Adrian Wojnarowski, quote machine: Dan B. pointed this out to me, from Wojnarowski's Twitter: "The Bulls have fired two coaches -- Scott Skiles and Tim Floyd - on Christmas Eve. Del Negro just trying to beat the last minute rush?"

The Indiana Pacers: Look, the Pacers were lacking in the talent department before losing their best player (Danny Granger) to injury. It's just not fair to expect much from this squad. Considering the circumstances, I'm willing to overlook the 35 percent shooting and the 21 points they gave up off 19 turnovers. Even if those things happened despite the fact that they were playing at home.

That said, I do expect more from them than letting Andrew Bogut go "Godzilla" on them. Bogut had a career-high 31 points on near-perfect 14-for-19 shooting to go along with 18 rebounds, 3 assists, 3 blocks and a steal. I mean, have some pride, guys. What, you can't give that guy a hard foul or two to discourage him? Maybe, I don't know, a double team or two?

Andrew Bogut: I know, I know. He was the player of the game...but he was also nearly the goat. Down by three points with four seconds left, the Pacers were forced to foul Bogut for what should have been the game-clinching free throws. Of course, Andy shanked 'em both, which gave Indy a chance to tie at the buzzer. They didn't, but still. If you're going to have a career game, you might as well close the other team out if you have the chance.

The Utah Jazz: It looked like the Jazz were ready to beat the Magic on the road...until the fourth quarter. Utah went up 84-79 with 7:31 left in the game before letting Orlando go on a 15-2 run that pretty much did them in. That run included a triple and two driving layups by...J.J. Redick.

Said Jazz coach Jerry Sloan: "We got lost defensively." Yeah, you could say that. The Jazz are now 1-20 in their last 21 road games against winning teams.

J.J. Redick: The former Dookie had a huge game with 20 points on 7-for-9 shooting, and he was instrumental in Magic runs in the second and fourth quarter. But he also whiffed on a high five with Orlando GM Otis Smith. Wah-waaaaaaaah. Said Redick: "We actually had one of those awkward Tiger Woods high-fives, where we high-fived, missed, then I looked and we high-fived and missed again. So I owe Otis a high-five."

The Los Angeles Clippers: Yeah, you expect the Clippers to lose 103-87 to the Spurs in San Antonio. The only notable aspect of this loss is that the San Antonio reserves scored almost half of the team's points, outscoring their L.A. counterparts 41-27. Said Baron Davis: "Oh, man, that was tough. We were doing a good job by staying in the game, staying close. You know, that bench came in and really made an impact."

Don't feel bad, Baron. At least you're not on the Bulls.

The Phoenix Suns: Ever since the Crabs beat them 119-111 in Phoenix on March 12 last season, the Suns had won 19 straight at home, including 10 in a row to open this season. Going into last night's game, they were the only team in the NBA without a home loss.

You know where this is going, right?

Even though Cleveland was coming off a loss to the Dirk Nowitzki-less Mavs -- a defeat in which Tim Thomas actually outplayed LeBron James -- the Crabs showed no sign of fatigue, shooting almost 53 percent from the field and outscoring Phoenix 27-16 in the fourth quarter to win by 18 points.

The run-in-the-mud Suns were outscored 17-4 in fastbreak points and gave up 30 points off 19 turnovers. Said Steve Nash: "We didn't have a real winning mentality tonight. I thought we were hesitant and a little doubtful rather than bold and aggressive and determined. I think that was the difference." Translation: We sucked and they didn't.

Drexel: Dan B. sent in this special college entry for WotN:

The Kentucky Wildcats won their 2000th game last night, which is certainly nice. However, they beat the ever living shit out of Drexel (who?) in the process. They just completely, totally obliterated them.

Drexel shot 17-55 from the floor -- that's a whopping 30.9%! Drexel's starters hit a grand total of 5 field goals on 28 attempts (only 17.8%), while their bench went 12-27 (a much more respectable 44.4%). Three of thir bench players outscored the best performing starter. And unbelievably the entire team only had seven free throw attempts.

Kentucky's largest lead was 51 points. With 8:53 left in the 2nd half, the Wildcats led 80-29. Around this point, garbage time officially began, and even then the lead was still 85-34 with 4:43 left in the game. Every single player on Kentucky's team got to see double-digit minutes. Apparently the entire bench was a box of human victory cigars that burned for most of the second half.

Lacktion report: Chris took a break from celebrating the Bulls' meltdown by bringing us some lacktion:

Jazz-Magic: Kosta Koufos improvised a tune on Mario Paint for a 21 second trip through the Mushroom Kingdom! Meanwhile, Orlando's Ryan Anderson made one free throw and board in 6:42, but lost the rock twice and fouled once for a 3:2 Voskuhl.

Kings-Bulls: As Vinnie Smallz watched his Heifers heave up THE biggest choke in Association history, Jannero Pargo tried to milk the moment by protecting himself from asphyxiation with 6 seconds spent in a Frog Suit for a SUPER MARIO!!!!

Crabs-Suns: Celebratory crustaceans came to call for "Coach" Mike Brown tonight, with Jawad Williams bricking it up once for a +1 in 2:07, while Darnell "Lacktion" Jackson added two fouls to a singular brick of his own to bake a +3 in 1:54.

Labels: Chicago Bulls, Vinny Del Negro, Worst of the Night

If only Deron were an airplane, he could have flownfar, far away from last night's debacle in L.A.
Chicago weather: Let's see...9 degrees with -22 wind chill. Want to know what my walk to work from the train station was like? Then fast forward to the 3:40 mark of this video. Seriously, my morning has become a bad Arnie one-liner.

"Hey, Shu-cah-go. Cheel out!"
It's like the Bulls' epically bad shooting has caused an unearthly cold to descend upon the city. Speaking of which...

The Chicago Bulls After last night's apocalypse in Atlanta, the Bulls have lost five straight games and nine of their last 10 overall. Their only victory in that stretch was against a Detroit Pistons team that had fewer fresh bodies than your average morgue. I understand this team is lacking in offensive firepower, but where has the defense gone? In their first 10 games, the Bulls surrendered 100 points only once. At that point, they were ranked a very impressive 4th in Defensive Rating. Since then? Check out the points Chicago has given up in the last 10 games: 108, 112, 122, 105, 99, 85, 101, 110, 103, 118. Now they’re ranked 20th in Defensive Rating. And that number doesn’t even reflect their defensive fail against the Hawks.

But Vinny Del Negro isn't worried about his job.

Of course, the Bulls haven't quit on Vinny so much as given up on themselves. Seriously, this group of sadsacks looks as defeated as the Nyets did on the night they hit 0-18. If New Jersey can keep fighting despite all they've been through, why not the Bulls?

Vinny Del Negro: If you want to take this entry as an answer to that last question, go for it. By the way, did I mention he's not worried about his job? Job security is all about results. This 10-game festival of fail represents 1/8th of Chicago's season. Mind you, I'm a technical writer. So let's assume that I spent the next 45 days -- which, unless I'm the worst mathematologist in the world -- is 1/8th of my working year -- turning in all my assignments (user guides, help text, technical notes, functional specifications, and so on) written in crayon on giant stone slabs. Only instead of actual instructions on how to use software, the stone slabs were covered in dirty jokes and pictures of boobs.

I think I'd be a little worried about my job after that. Don't you?

Kirk Hinrich: He missed several games with a sprained left thumb -- he's a right-handed shooter, by the way -- before returning last night for a zero-point, 0-for-9 performance. It's like the Sprained Thumb Fairy showed up in the middle of the night to replace his hands a pile of wet spaghetti. The sad thing is, that misguided shooting performance will barely affect his average, which was already a lowly 36 percent.

The Indiana Pacers: This season, Greg Oden has been like the cursed Tiki idol from that old Brady Bunch episode.


I mean, Portland's injury problems have gotten so bad that even their coach blew out his right Achilles' tendon at practice and had to have surgery. But the Danny Granger-less Pacers were the perfect prescription for what's been ailing the Blazers. Even though Portland only had nine players available for last night's game, Indy still lost by double-digits at home. It was their sixth straight loss...and that streak could get pretty long with Granger out. Maybe somebody gave the Pacers a Tiki idol too...?

Dean Demopoulos, quote machine: Portland's assistant coach, who's currently filling in for the recovering-from-surgery Nate McMillan, is one serious quote machine. Regarding his boss, Dean said: "Even when I was young enough, I wasn't good enough. I'm 10 or 11 years older than Nate. I'd blow both Achilles' out." Then, regarding Brandon Roy: "I could almost fall asleep when he's got the ball. That's how comfortable I feel with him. He always comes through." I hope Nate gets better soon and everything, but I hope it's not too soon. Demopoulos is on a roll.

The Philadelphia 76ers: It seems fitting somehow that in his first game back with the Sixers, Allen Iverson got to lose to his second team, and in his second game back he got to lose to his third team. And mind you, his third team -- the Detroit Pistons -- was missing three of its four best players (Ben Gordon, Rip Hamilton and Tayshaun Prince). Iverson went 3-for-10 and committed a game-high 6 turnovers, and freaking Kwame Brown (11 points, 5 boards) almost outplayed the entire Philly bench (12 points, 5 boards). And this happened in Philadelphia! Make it 11 straight losses for the Sixers.

The Not Answer strikes again.

And, according to the AP recap: "New Jersey and Minnesota are the only teams with worse records than the Sixers. The Sixers haven't won since Nov. 18 vs. Charlotte and they've lost by five or less points six times during the skid." But according to Iverson: "It's going to get better. This is one of those times when you find out what type of character you have as men." So says the guy who quit on his last two teams because he didn't want to come off the bench.

The New Jersey Nyets: If you honestly wondered whether the Nyets could recapture the magic they had against the craptacular Bulls, the answer -- and this really should have been obvious, shouldn't it? -- was:


So, really, the Nyets' 105-89 home loss to the Golden State Warriors was surprising only if you're a space alien who had never watched "The Basketball" before. And if that's the case, welcome to Earth, strange friends from afar! Please don't vaporize us with your Vaporizer Rays! We have so much to give your culture. Like Bacon Salt and Internet porn!

Said Devin Harris: "We made a lot of mental mistakes tonight. We came in and talked about what they do well. They create turnovers, they score off their turnovers, they're a fast-break team. We got a little bit careless with the ball and that led to a lot of uncontested layups and we kind of dug ourselves a hole." Oh! That's why the Warriors score 30 points off your 22 turnovers! Who knew taking care of the basketball was so important. Other than "everybody" that is.

The Toronto Raptors: Another night, another defensive fail for the Craptors. This team gives up points like the lives of their loved ones depend on it. On average, Toronto gives up almost 109 PPG. Well, they outdid themselves against the Bucks in Milwaukee, surrendering 117 points on 52+ percent shooting. The 22-point blowout came against a Bucks team that had dropped four in a row and eight of 10 overall. The Craptors are like a necromancer bringing dead offenses back to life.

Chris Bosh, quote machine: After the 117-95 loss, the RuPaul of Big Men said: "We gave ourselves a chance, but we didn't stick to our principles." Ooookay...?

Ersan Ilyasova: He just looks so silly.

Pure athleticism.
Jonny Flynn: I'll give the rookie credit: he stood up to Chris Paul and his team was up by a point with 3.9 seconds to go. Sure, they had choked away a 16-point lead, but it really looked like the Timberpups were going to pull some fat out of the fire. Well, that sizzling sound you hear? It's their fat in the fire. Flynn committed a major defensive fail by turning his head after CP3 inbounded the ball to David West, which allowed Paul to streak to the hoop, receive a backdoor pass from West, and lay in the game-winner with 1.4 seconds left. Whoops.

Said Flynn: "We should have got this win tonight. I'll take some of the blame on that last backdoor cut." You'll take some of the blame, Jonny? Well, that's mighty gracious of you.

The Cleveland Cavaliers: So much for coming back strong after losing to the Grizzlies, huh? The Crabs got a little lesson in defensive tenacity from the All-Star-less Rockets, who forced 20 turnovers, frustrated Mike Brown into a two-tech ejection, and held Cleveland to a season-low-tying 85 points. Other than LeBron James (27 points on 8-for-21 shooting), no other Crabs starter made it to double digits.

King Crab, who hasn't been doing much dancing lately, said: "We just can't have unforced turnovers. You have to take pride in avoiding them and we didn't." Statistical note: James had a game-high 5 TOs. There's no "me" in "we," but there should be in LeBron's case. Maybe James should do the dance of shame.

The San Antonio Spurs: I know a win's a win and all that, but I'm not sure the Spurs should feel very confident about beating the Kings last night. Remember: San Antonio's championship teams have always been based on a relentless and stifling defense. Last night's 12-point win, on the other hand, was accomplished by seeing who could outscore who. Despite getting into town late after a tough loss in New Orleans the night before, the Kings shot over 52 percent as a team, had 62 points in the paint, got 24 points on the fast break, and finished with 106 points on the night. Meanwhile, the Spurs had to shoot 55 percent and go 8-for-9 from downtown just to outpace the feisty Sactowners.

Manu Ginobili may still be sporting the ugliest bald spot in the league, but he knows what's what: "A team that has come from New Orleans last night should have been more tired
than us, but they ran more." Yeah...what's up with that, Manu? I mean, should Beno Udrih and Omri Casspi be able to come off the bench and combine for 35 points on 16-for-25 shooting against a Popovich defense?

The Utah Jazz: The Jazz had a Memento moment last night. I mean, short term memory loss is the only reason I could come up with for why they forgot to show up for the fourth quarter of their game against the Lakers. Utah scored 6 points -- that's right, 6 points -- on 2-for-18 shooting in that Fourth Quarter of Doom. Mind you, the Jazz were only down by two points after three quarter, but ended up losing 101-77.

For some perspective on this dubious accomplishment, the Jazz became the ninth team in the shot clock era to score 6 or fewer points in the fourth quarter. HISTORIC FAIL.

Said Jerry Sloan: "They came out and just destroyed us. We were hanging in the ballgame, but that just shows you what a great team they have. ... We have to learn to stay within what we are trying to do. You can't go out and play street basketball against this team. They will annihilate you."

Fun fact: The Lakers have won 10 games in a row and are 17-3 overall. However...they've played only four road games so far this season with only three sets of back-to-back games (the last of which came against the Warriors/Nyets poop-and-vomit combo). I guess there really is no place like home.

Kosta Koufous: Reid S. send in this truly bawful sequence for poor Kosta:

If he'd slipped on a banana peel, his night would have been complete.
Tim Thomas: So...Timmy T. was somehow involved in a brawl -- at Denny's of all places -- in which chairs were thrown, tables were knocked over and police had to be called in. I know people were kinda hurt and everything, but still...best night at Denny's ever, right?

Fun fact: Did you know that Thomas has earned almost $100 million in salary over his career? Yeah. If I ever write a suicide note, you've just read the first line.

Lacktion report: Fresh off yet another purple pauper Loss That Ain't As Bad As Others, Chris is back on the lack track:

Pistons-Sixers: Detroit's DaJuan Summers warmed up to a foul in 2:20 for a +1 suck differential. In response, Philadelphia's Royal Ivey decreed a +3 in 1:37 via brick, foul, and giveaway.

Warriors-Nyets: Sean Williams countered two boards with a pair of turnovers and a trio of fouls for a 5:2 Voskuhl in 6:14, while fellow ruble-rouser Tony Battie earned a +2 via masonry in 4:31

Raptors-Bucks: Rasho Nesterovic made one field goal in exactly 13 minutes as starting center, only to take a rejection and three fouls for a prehistoric 3:2 Voskuhl.

Hornets-Wolves: Hilton Armstrong checked himself past the vestibule of Voskuhls with three fouls and a turnover in 5:04 against two boards for a 4:2 ratio.

Kings-Spurs: Ime Udoka made bank tonight with a 2.7 trillion (2:42) for the purple paupers, while San Antonio's Malik Hairston went nostalgic by sneaking through a level of Metal Gear for 22 seconds, resulting in his second Mario in two games.

Crabs-Rockets: Jawad Williams was one tick of the clock away from pinching out a fortune, but instead had to get back into the Mushroom Kingdom to collect gold coins in a 59 second Mario. Meanwhile, Chase Budinger pursued a spot as Clutch the Bear's human victory cigar with an incredible statline of SEVEN bricks (twice from One Shell Plaza, followed by another pair from the charity stripe!!!) and a rejection for a +8 in 8:04, good enough to tie the Nyets' Terrence Williams for the highest single-game suck differential this season!!!!!

Jazz-Lakers: Kosta Koufos took down three boards in 4:14, but in an evening in which Utah went from very competitive in three quarters to near-complete silence in the fourth, giving up the rock three times and fouling twice led to a 5:3 Voskuhl. With the reversal in fortune complete, Phil Jackson was able to summon Josh Powell as tonight's human victory cigar, bricking once for a +1 in 2:04.

Labels: Allen Iverson, Chicago Bulls, Cleveland Cavaliers, crappy weather, Denny's, Indiana Pacers, Lebron James, New Jersey Nets, Toronto Raptors, Vinny Del Negro, Worst of the Night

The super-ultra-rare double facefist: When a double facepalm just can't express all the wonderful misery.
Andre Iguodala: Glass half full: Iggy almost had a triple-double last night (22 points, 9 rebounds, 11 assists). Glass half empty: He almost had a triple-bumble, too, thanks to his season-high 7 turnovers. Fortunately for Andre, his team was playing...

The Washington Wizards Generals: The Generals lined up for another loss, this time at the hands of the heretofore struggling 76ers, who snapped their four-game losing streak in Washington last night. And Generals interim coach Ed Tapscott was pissed. After the game, he said his team lacked "focus, concentration, effort and execution," emphasizing each failing by slamming his fist down on the lectern. He even suggested he might have to warm up with his team to shake them out of their funk. "If that means I'm out there on the floor in my sweats, we'll do that." Hmm. Ed Tapscott in sweats. I'm sure that'll be a real big motivator. Bonus stats: The Wizards had more turnovers (21) than free throw attempts (18).

The Memphis Grizzlies: Make it six in a row, as in games lost, for the Grizzlies of Memphis, who were beaten by the Danny Granger-less (and Mike Dunleavy Jr.-less) Pacers in Indy. More accurately, they were beaten by T.J. Ford, who scored 8 of his 20 points in the decisive fourth quarter despite flu-like symptoms! Seriously, the dude didn't start and almost didn't play. But even though he hadn't even been eating, he had enough in the tank to beat the Grizzlies. Of course, that sort of goes without saying, doesn't it? More bonus stats: The Griz lost despite shooting almost 50 percent and forcing 20 turnovers.

Rasho Nesterovic: From Basketbawful reader Junior:

Truly Bawful.

2:36 IND - R. Nesterovic misses a layup
2:36 IND - R. Nesterovic offensive rebound
2:36 IND - R. Nesterovic misses a 3-foot jumper in the lane
2:36 IND - R. Nesterovic offensive rebound
2:36 IND - Team rebound
2:20 IND - R. Nesterovic misses a 17-foot jumper along the right baseline
2:18 MEM - M. Conley defensive rebound

Memo to Nesterovic: if you missed a 3-foot jumper, you will miss a 17-foot

The Chicago Bulls: Well, I'll give the Bulls this much: They didn't allow Devin Harris beat them with a 60-foot miracle shot as time expired. Instead, they let Harris shoot them down by scoring 19 of his 42 points in the fourth quarter. Devin shot 7-for-9 from the field, and four of those makes were layups of the "Hot damn he just blew by his guy!" variety. It was like Dr. Horrible zapped the Bulls with his Freeze Ray. (It's not a Death Ray. Or an Ice Beam...that's all "Johnny Snow.") Not that Chicago's problems were all on the defensive end. They entered the fourth with a 4-point lead, then proceeded to miss 10 of their first 11 field goal attempts and ended up shooting 7-for-25 for the quarter.

Ben Gordon, who "led" the Bulls with 17 points, was miffed afterwards. "We were doing stupid stuff the whole game and kind of shot ourselves in the foot. Stupid shots, stupid decisions, bad defense. We lost this one tonight, if you ask me. We shouldn't play like this, so it is definitely disappointing. This is a beatable team. We beat them twice already this season. The game was there. The game was there for us if we wanted it. We just didn't play the way we needed to." And the person primarily at fault for that is...

Vinny Del Negro: Was their any way to stop Devin Harris from hitting the Bulls in the eye with the NBA-equivalent of "the money shot"? Derrick Rose thought so: "Zone and trap; that's what I think you do when somebody is going off like that. Just trap him. But we didn't." Not that Rose could have participated in a zone-and-trap scheme against Harris, because HE WAS ON THE BENCH DURING CRUNCH TIME. AGAIN. Sorry for yelling, but COME ON. The Notorious V.D.N. sat Derrick for the final 4:52 because he apparently thought Kirk Hinrich would do a better job stopping Harris than Rose did. Mind you, Harris scored 9 of his fourth-quarter points against Rose...and 10 of them when Hinrich was Devin's primary defender. So that worked in a way that totally didn't. Like AK Dave pointed out the other day, Hinrich does his best defenive work against big, athletic guards like Dwyane Wade. He struggles against the quick guys like T.J. Ford and Harris. Hasn't Vinny figured that out? And yes: That question was completely rhetorical.

Vinny's clutch play calling -- if you can call it that -- was even worse. Rose only had one fourt-quarter shot attempt before he was exiled to the bench. One. Meanwhile, Tyrus Thomas took four jumpers -- two on on possession -- from from 18, 7, 20 and 16 feet out. And a couple of those came after timeouts! Are you telling me Vinny is writing up plays to get Tyrus "The Brick" Thomas jump shots out of timeouts? Say it ain't so! Please. I'm begging you.

Update! Larry Hughes: ghostlygerbils noticed this egregious oversight on my part: "How could you miss Larry '0' Hughes going 1-6 with no assists or rebounds and 3 fouls? The crowd at MSG was booing him by his second miss."

The Detroit Pistons: Eight. Eight losses in a row. Ah, ha, ha. Not that the Pistons didn't make a game of it against, because they did. But the end result was the same, another black mark in the loss column of the season standings. It's the team's longest slide into oblivion since 1995, a span of 14 seasons.

There was plenty of 'bawful, despite their valiant effort. The Not-Answer had to leave the game in the first quarter after aggravating a back strain. Rasheed Wallace got ejected with 7:55 in the fourth quarter after getting T'd up twice in 27 seconds. (More on that below.) And still the Pistons were down by only a point in the final minute, but David West grabbed two offensive rebounds on the Hornets' final possession, the second of which forced the Pistons to foul to stop the clock. Even then they could have tied it, but their final shot was a three-pointer by Walter Herrmann. And it's pretty hard for me to believe that that was the shot they wanted.

Bonus stats: Tyson Chandler had a season-high 17 rebounds. He and West combined for 13 of the Hornets 17 offensive boards. And their rebounding was the difference in the game. Who knew blocking out was such a lost art?

Rasheed Wallace: From ESPN's Daily Dime (via Wild Yams): "On Wed., the Pistons seemed poised to end their losing streak, leading the Hornets early in the fourth quarter, but Wallace suffered the kind of meltdown that's punctuated his career. With the game tied 71-71, Wallace gave up an offensive rebound to Hornets reserve forward Sean Marks, allowing New Orleans to score the basket that put them ahead to stay in a game they would win by just three points. After the Marks play, Wallace complained demonstratively to get technical foul No. 15, and shortly thereafter angrily knocked a towel from a Hornets ball boy's hand into the crowd for technical foul No. 16. He followed that by throwing a towel in the direction of his coach, Michael Curry, who had just seconds before removed him from the game. All of this raises the possibility that Wallace will face what would probably be the NBA's first-ever triple suspension -- the automatic suspension for his 16th technical foul of the season, a league suspension for knocking a towel into the crowd and a team suspension for his actions toward his coach. Or might the Pistons just release him now, with only 26 games remaining on his contract? In any case, Sheed's tenure in Detroit, which began in spectacular fashion in 2004 with an NBA title (remember his championship belt?), is reaching an ignominious end."

And in case you wanted to watch the towel incident...


The Minnesota Timberwolves: Due to the unfortunate absence of Al Jefferson, Kevin McHale has been forced to employ and uptempo offense so his team can, you know, score points...which is sort of what basketball is all about. But the downside of pushing the ball is that it allows teams to push back. Which is what the Jazz did last night: Utah scored 120 points on 53 percent shooting as seven Jazz players scored in double-digits. Said McHale "We just have got to get better defensively." Dude, seriously, your team can play offense OR defense, not both. So if they're going to lose anyway -- and they are -- you might as well let them entertain their fans by putting up points.

The Portland Trail Blazers: Man, these guys have been Odenized. And I don't mean that in a good way. Last night, they suffered a 15-point road loss to the San Antonio Spurs Tony Parker and his French Foreign Legion. Parker, forced to play without franchise cornerstone Tim Duncan (right quad tendonosis) and sixth man extraordinaire Manu Ginobili -- exploded for 39 points and 9 assists. It was Portland's second straight road loss to a playoff-bound Western Conference team. The Blazers shot 37 percent and had only 12 assists on 32 field goals...so you know the ball movement wasn't there. Of course, San Antonio's defense will do that to you. Fun fact: The Spurs just signed forward Pops Menah-Bonsu to a 10-day contract. That's a fun name.

Steve Blake: Here's a case of a reader with an offensive rebound off my miss. Brendan K said: "Steve Blake went 0-9 from the floor and 0-2 from the line last night. EPIC FAIL."

The Milwaukee Bucks: On January 21, Milwaukee beat Dallas 133-99. It was and is the Mavs' worst loss of the season. And you know what that means: Revenge game! The 116-96 retribution was highlighted by 53 percent shooting (including 50 percent from downtown) and a 51-25 edge on the boards. Dallas committed 22 turnovers and STILL won by 20.

Hawks versus Nuggets: So the Hawks lost for the fourth time in five games, with their only victory in that stretch being a 5-point win over the worst-in-the-league Kings. On the other hand, the Nuggets barely escaped with a 1-point home win over a depleted Hawks team -- starters Mike Bibby (flu) and Josh Smith (family matter) were both out and Zaza Pachulia STARTED -- when Flip Murray's 14-footer bounced off the rim at the buzzer. Said Chauncey Billups: "I was angry. I'm happy that we won, but I'm just disappointed in how we won. When you lose three games in a row, any kind of win is great. But I think the disappointment that we have in the way that we finished the game is just a sign of how good of a team that we are: We're happy with the win, but we're not happy with how we finished the game."

Speaking of long faces, Murray was all down on himself for missing a semi-gimmie that would have allowed his team to steal one. "It was a shot I should have made. I had a chance to win the game with my last shot and I short-armed it. But it was a shot I should have made. ... It was wide open, I should have made it. It was an easy little chipper and I should have made it." Okay, okay. We get it, Flip. You should have made it. But you didn't.

The Sacramento Kings: Man, I don't know what to say about this team, other than they are retroactively erasing all the good memories I have of them from the C-Webb Era. It's like that movie Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. I guess it's not all bad, though. At least I'll be able to forget (hopefully) that Game 6 against the Lakers. Anyway, here's a recap of Sacramento's ongoing 'bawful from the Associated Press: "It was another in a long line of lackluster games for the Kings, who have the NBA's worst record (12-47) and are on track to have their losingest season in franchise history. The Kings have lost three straight and 17 of 19. The game drew the smallest crowd (10,439) in the current arena, which surprised [Gerald] Wallace, who was accustomed to boisterous sellout crowds when he was a King. 'It hurts, it hurts real bad,' Wallace said. 'I was here in the glory days when the energy was totally different. It's upside down now.'" And now, the coup de grace:


The Boston Celtics: It seems fitting somehow that on a day in which the latest batch of Marbury-to-Boston rumors dominated the headlines, the Celtics -- without Kevin Garnett (muscle strain in his right knee) and Brian Scalabrine (neck injury) -- lost to the Los Angeles Clippers. The loss itself was highlighted by Paul Pierce dislocating his right thumb in the third quarter and then again in the fourth, while Gabe Pruitt's arrest for DUI -- in Hollywood, after 3 a.m. -- served as a dark epilogue.

So can we all just agree that The Marbury Effect goes beyond basketball and is bordering on the supernatural? The last time everybody started talking about Marbury becoming a Celtic, the team lost seven times in nine games. Now they're losing to the Clippers while stars are getting injured and a petty roleplayer is acting the fool. Starbury is walking chaos, a shadow of doom to everything he touches...nay, everything he looks at or is even associated with in passing. If Danny Ainge signs him, this season will not end well for the Celtics. Mark my words.

Baron Davis, quote machine: This one is from Basketbawful reader Colin G.: "Said Baron Davis after the Clippers beat Boston: 'It's good to start getting everyone healthy. That's going to help us be a threat as the end of the season approaches.' Threat? Clippers? ... LOL! The Clippers are as threatening as a pink plush teddy bear. The quote was so bad I thought it was a joke." It is, Colin. Unintentional jokes are still jokes. You know?

Lacktion report: Chris continues to hone the art form of describing lacktivity:

Magic-Knicks: New York's starting big man Jared Jeffries blocked one shot in 17:27 to avoid a staggering suck differential, but still provided so little of benefit to his statline that he ended up with a true Voskuhl of 5:0, his five fouls being rated against one brick from downtown. Jazz-Wolves: Jarron Collins took a board in an attempt to hide from the lacktion ledger, but his Madsen-level 1:0 Voskuhl in 4:56 (via foul) after a brick keeps him firmly in the lacktator's limelight. (And, somehow, the Worldwide Leader refuses to acknowledge this negative performance, according to their boxscore which assigned Jarron a DNP-CD.)

Bucks-Mavs: Joe Alexander - Milwaukee's most recent first-round draft pick -- gave up the rock once and took three fouls for +4 in 5:14.

Blazers-Spurs: Malik Hairston and Pops Mensah-Bonsu can now put on overalls and eat spaghetti together, as 34-second Mario Brothers for Greg Popovich! Pops, in his first NBA start this season, managed to string together a board in his unextended stint.

Hawks-Nuggets: Atlanta's Solomon Jones doesn't have to call his broker tonight, as a near six-and-a-half trillion was reduced to a mere +1 suck differential (in 6:33) due to a foul.

Bobcats-Kings: The Bobcats lacktivated Alex Ajinca off the bench, and he head-butted the question marks out of the way by nearly collecting a trillion in gold coins. Nearly, that is, because he instead tossed up a building block and once offered the leather sphere as a gift to the purple paupers. And because by skipping out on three extra seconds on the Arco Arena floor, he earned himself a 57 second Mario! That powerup mushroom also entitled him to a 1:0 Voskuhl, though he wasn't the only one honoring the centerpiece of Toronto's Little Three, as DeSagana Diop racked a Voskuhl of his own in 9:38, getting a ratio of 3:2 (three fouls against two rebounds and two bricks).

Celtics-Clippers: Emboldened by the recent need for a human victory cigar, Mike Dunleavy Sr. forgot that you need to be actually sure of a win before bringing one of those out. So in the midst of a nailbiter against the defending champs of the Association, Mike Taylor went to Staples and brought home a 15-second Mario! But that wasn't the end of the story.

Five seconds left in the game, TAYLOR GETS BACK OUT ON THE COURT! As his Mario gets more precious seconds added to it...the Clippers hang on for a dramatic win! So was Dunleavy clairvoyant...or, did he just fall plain into dumb luck? Actually, that's a rhetorical question.

Kobe Bryant: Mamba lured Luke Walton and Adam Morrison in the Lakers locker room by telling them he was starting a "secret team." Once they were alone, Kobe said: "Now, our operation is small, but there's a lot of potential for aggressive...expansion. So, which of our fine gentlemen would like to join the team? Oh! There's only one spot open right now, so we're gonna have [breaks a cue stick in half]...tryouts. [Throws one half in between Luke and Adam] Make it fast."

Labels: Detroit Pistons, Memphis Grizzlies, Vinny Del Negro, Washington Wizards