Friday-001

The New Jersey Nyets: Key stat of the game: 39-15. That was the score after 12 minutes -- with the Craptors ahead, obviously -- after which the game was pretty much over. But, just for the hell of it, here are some other key stats: Toronto shot 59 percent from the field, scored 60 points in the paint, led by 40 points in the fourth quarter (104-64), got 16 layups and dunked the ball 12 times. It's like the Nyets were channeling the defensive spirit of, well, the Craptors.

Said Chris Douglas-Roberts: "They got whatever they wanted. That's how teams are going to start looking at us, if they haven't already. You will get whatever you want on the Nets. That's how I'd be looking at us."

Pretty much, yeah.

More Douglas-Roberts: "You always hear 'It could always get worse. It can. If that's the mindset we come out with, it could get worse."

Now here's some Nyets coach Kiki Vandeveghe: "This was one of those games, and I've been through a number of them, where we had no energy on either side of the ball. It was no fun tonight, no fun to coach, no fun to play." Well, unless you were coaching or playing for Toronto.

And -- why not? – how about some Devin "We knew we were going to be a playoff team" Harris: "There's a lot of different things that are going wrong out there. We're not shooting the ball well, we're turning it over and then we're not getting back on defense and they're getting dunks. We're facing a lot of different hurdles."

For the final epitaph of this game -- which dropped New Jersey to 2-25 -- I leave you with the words of Toronto's Jarrett Jack: "We jumped on them first and they let up. When you start off 0-18, uphill battle is kind of an understatement. You kind of see it on their faces that if they get down early, they're kind of like 'Here we go again."

Dirk Nowitzki: As Basketbawful reader Quinton noted: "Carl Landry of my Rockets gets called for a foul, after Dirk elbows him in the face, embedding two fragments of Carls teeth in Dirks elbow. Carl Landry has 2 missing and 5 cracked teeth on the play and stands there like a man while Dirk runs around crying and only has to get 3 stitches. Bawfulness, pure and simple."


The Utah Jazz: Plenty of things went wrong for the Jazz in Atlanta, like the 24 points they gave up off 24 turnovers. But their third quarter -- during which the Hawks went on a 30-6 run and ultimately outscored Utah 37-17 -- was the lowest of low points. Jerry Sloan was so disgusted that he benched all of his starters -- who were 8-for-33 at the time -- midway through the third quarter. Only Wesley Matthews returned.

Said Deron Williams: "We apologize to all the fans. We played like crap. I played like crap. I think more than anything, their length hurt us. They just took us out of our rhythm. I'm glad we get to play tomorrow [at Charlotte]." Speaking of Deron...

Deron Williams: Pretty much everything the Jazz do on offense begins and ends with Williams. And on Friday night, it mostly ended. Williams scored only 2 points on 1-for-8 shooting and finished with as many turnovers as assists (4).

Al Horford, quote machine: After the Hawks beat the Jazz to win their sixth straight game, nobody was more excited than Horford: "We've started to develop that killer instinct. We definitely had it at Florida, and we're getting it here. This shows we are growing as a team. We're not taking anything for granted. That's the way we want to do it." I want everybody to remember these words...

The Boston Celtics: Well, we knew the Celtics couldn't keep winning forever. The win streak was going to end sometime...but I doubt anybody thought it was going to happen in Boston against a team that only recently ended a 12-game losing streak. But that's what happened, as the Sixers took a 98-97 decision on an Elton Brand tip in with seven seconds left in the game. The Celtics -- who led by 15 points (59-44) in the third quarter -- got two shots (from Paul "I'm the best player in the world" Pierce and Ray Allen) before the buzzer but failed anyway. Boston is now only 8-4 at home...despite being 12-1 on the road.

Said Pierce: "Tough one to swallow. When you have a team on the ropes like that, especially at home ... we've got to do a better job. I don't know what the problem is about us playing at home this year."

Rasheed Wallace: Well...he is who we thought he was. 'Sheed was ejected in the second quarter after drawing two technicals, after which he had to be restrained by assistant coach Tom Thibodeau. Wallace was, ahem, unavailable for comment after the game. Here's what Rivers had to say: "Whether he's right or wrong doesn't matter. You've got to try to control yourself to stay in the game. He understands his value to the team, and his teammates understand his value. At some point, we'll talk to him. ... He's been doing it a long time. He's an expert at it. Be we knew that when we got him. I still love him."

Mmmm, man love.

Note that 'Sheed currently leads the league with 10 technical fouls, and 16 of those puppies will earn an automatic one-game suspension. It was the 30th ejection of 'Sheed's career...the most for any player since 1992.

Allen Iverson: He's already missing time with an arthritic knee that's been drained twice already. And remember, he lost his shit when the Grizzlies recognized he wasn't up to snuff physically and wanted to reduce his workload by bringing him off the bench. I'm just sayin'.

The Cleveland Cavaliers: Scoring only 85 points and barely beating the Bucks in Cleveland? Really?! Make no mistake. They may be 20-7 and have a nine-game home winning streak, but the Crabs are not playing good basketball right now. Up next is a four-game road trip that includes stops in Dallas, Phoenix and L.A. to play the Lakers. Hmmm...

The Sacramento Kings: Oh good God. I've come to expect things like "giving up 112 points on 54 percent shooting" from the Kings. But against the Minnesota Timberwolves? Minny scored 27 fast break points and led by as many as 21 before settling for a 112-96 victory. And mind you, the T-Wolves were coming off a 25-point home loss to the Clippers.

Said Tyreke Evans: "We weren't playing hard defense. We were going through the motions. We just shot terrible."

Fail.

By the way, that Kevin Love guy, he might be pretty good someday...

Donte Greene and Kenny Thomas: These Sacramento starters combined to score zero points on 0-for-7 shooting in 39 minutes of furious lacktion.

The Los Angeles Clippers: The Clips led 31-16 after the first quarter, went ahead 20 midway through the second and were still up 16 at the half...before eventually losing a 95-91 nail-biter to the Bricks. Surprising? No. We knew who they were. And so does coach Mike Dunleavy Sr.: "We didn't deserve to win this game. We almost got lucky. (If) we'd gotten that rebound on that last miss, maybe we would have secured one. They played much better than us in the second half. That's really disappointing."

The Indiana Pacers: After spending the first half playing competitive basketball, the Pacers reverted to form in the second half, shooting 33 percent from the field, getting outscored 56-38 and lost 107-94 to the Grizzlies in Memphis. Said Mike Dunleavy Jr.: "They put it on us." And that almost qualified for "unintentionally dirty quote machine."

Basketbawful reader Stephanie G. said:

Only two highlights of the Indy/Memphis game:

1. O'Brien saying the Pacers need "extreme ball pressure." Sounds uncomfortable.

2. Middle of the 4th, Z-Bo blocks two of Hansbrough's shots in the same possession then goes down the court and hits a jumper in his face.
The Gol_en State Warriors: The Warriors' _efense once again revived a dying team. This time, it was the Washington Wizards Generals, losers of six straight. Despite playing at home, the Warriors let Gilbert Arenas compile season highs in points (45) and assists (13) as the Generals shot 50 percent, scored 23 points on the break, put up 58 points in the paint, and finished with 118 points overall. That represents Washington's second-highest point total of the season. Their season-high of 123 points came against -- of course -- the Nyets. Oh, Caron Butler also had his season-high in points (28).

It must be nice to play against the Warriors.

Mark Jackson, unintentionally dirty quote machine: From Basketbawful reader Giorgio P.: "During the fourth quarter on Bad Porn's 11th and 12th FT attempts, Mark Jackson said: 'He is going so hard and so many times tonight as I ever remember him going.'"

Friday lacktion report: It's Friday! It's Chris! It's lacktion!

Jazz-Hawks: Randolph Morris purred at a board and a field goal from Underground Atlanta, negating true non-contribution in his 9:21 stint. However, he fouled thricely and lost the rock twice for a 5:4 Voskuhl!

Bucks-Crabs: In this battle of two teams named after edible animals, Jodie Meeks quietly played Duck Hunt for 4 seconds for a SUPER MARIO for Milwaukee!!!!

Clippers-Knicks: STEVE NOVAK IS BACK, BABY, WITH A 14 SECOND ROMP THROUGH THE MUSHROOM KINGDOM! He even had enough time in that Mario to foul once for a +1 suck differential as well!

Pacers-Grizzlies: Solomon Jones wisely divided his 4:25 between two fouls and one giveaway for a +3, also counting as a 3:0 Voskuhl. For Memphis, Marcus Williams munched on some spaghetti in a 46-second Mario.
Saturday-001


The Philadephia 76ers: Just when you though things were turning around for the Sixers, they follow a win over the Celtics in Boston with a home loss to the Clippers.

Ouch.

The Clippers -- being the Clippers -- blew a 16-point third-quarter lead and almost lost the game at the end of regulation on an apparent buzzer beater by Andre Iguodala. However, replays showed that Iggy didn't get the shot off before the clock expired, and The Other L.A. Team took control in OT.

Said coach Eddie Jordan: "We're only human. As much as you want to get re-energized, we could have, but I think the first play, we turned it over. Right from the beginning they had a little juice because of their defensive stand."

When you allow that the Clippers -- again, the Clippers -- to beat you with their defense on the first play of the game...that's a fail.

The Atlanta Hawks: Remember the words of Al Horford after his team beat the Jazz on Friday night? If not, I will cut and paste: "We've started to develop that killer instinct. We definitely had it at Florida, and we're getting it here. This shows we are growing as a team. We're not taking anything for granted. That's the way we want to do it."

Killer instinct, eh? Not taking anything for granted, eh? That's funny, because on Saturday night in Chicago, the Hawks outscored the Bulls 29-16 in the first quarter and led for most of the game...before Chicago came back and won 101-98 in overtime.

Mind you, the Atlanteans entered the game ranked second in Offensive Efficiency (according to John Hollinger's ratings), but they shot 41 percent and scored only 98 points. And they needed a fifth quarter to score that many. The Hawks are also rated 10th in Defensive Efficiency, and they were facing a Bulls team that ranks 29th in Field Goal Percentage (42.6). But Chicago hit 48 percent of their shots and scored 100+ points for only the third time this season.

But the Hawks are growing as a team. Al Horford said so.

Mind you, Atlanta's Joe Johnson scored a season-high 40 points, but Derrick Rose trumped him by going off for a career-high 32. And Rose -- who needed a cortisone shot for pain in his right rib cage -- pretty much owned the end of regulation and all of overtime, despite the Hawks' prodigious killer instinct.

Said Atlanta coach Mike Woodson: "I just think we got stagnant tonight. We started looking to Joe too much. He bailed us out the whole game. We just didn't have it then down the stretch."

The New Jersey Nyets: Their 103-84 loss the the Lakers was practically preordained. There's virtually nothing interesting to note about this game. Although L.A.'s bench -- which has weaker than herbal tea for much of the season -- outscored the Nyets' reserves 42-12. They are now 2-26, and it's probably time to for the 1972-73 Philadelphia 76ers to start getting their hopes up. As AnacondaHL said: "Realizing the immense amount of Cubs-style press they received for failing, why stop at 10-72? Aim for the record 9-73, which the Nets are on track to beat! Minny has a chance too! ESPN's worst teams ever tracker."

Phil Jackson, quote machine: The Lakers have won three in a row after opening their road trip with a loss in Utah. What's the secret? Said P-Jax: "We're picking some better opponents. The schedule favored us. These teams are not .500 teams and Utah is a very good team on their home floor, so some of it has to do with the competition. But I think we played a little bit better."

The Oklahoma City Thunder: The Rockets -- who were playing their fourth game in five nights -- were coming off an overtime win over the Mavericks in Dallas on Friday night. They should have been dead tired, right? Not so much. Houston built a 58-41 lead early in the third quarter before losing their legs...but they still managed to hold on for a 95-90 win over the Thunder.

The Rockets overcame the absence of Carl Landry (who broke several teeth in a collision with Dirk Nowitzki the night before) and a terrible game for Aaron Brooks (2-for-11) thanks to a bigtime game from Trevor Ariza (31 points, 5-for-8 from downtown, 8 boards 6 assists, and 2 blocked shots). Ariza's counterpart, the Great Kevin Durant, scored only 13 points on 6-for-18 shooting.

The Indiana Pacers: The Pacers went from getting their asses kicked by the Grizzlies to giving the Spurs all they could handle. Unfortunately, the result was the same: a big, fat loss. And this one hurt a lot more than the loss in Memphis. Indy was up 83-70 to start the fourth quarter, but they got outscored 30-16 in the final 12 minutes to lose 100-99. But let's examine the last two points San Antonio scored. The Pacers had a 99-98 lead when Roy Hibbert blocked Tim Duncan's layup attempt with five seconds left...

...only Duncan controlled the rebound and threw down the game-winning dunk a split-second later. T.J. Ford bricked a 16-footer at the buzzer to cap off this heartbreaking Tale of Fail for Indiana.

The San Antonio Spurs: Despite their kinda-sorta lucky win against the Pacers, all is not well in the Land of Spurs. After all, 12 of their 14 wins are against teams that entered the weekend with a losing record.

The Washington Wizards Generals: On Friday night, the Generals played a lousy defensive team that sucks...and they won. On Saturday night, they played a lousy defensive team that doesn't suck...and they lost.

Surprise, surprise.

Washington shot only 36 percent from the field and got outscored 60-26 in the paint on their way to a 121-95 blowout loss in Phoenix. The Suns led by 11 in the first quarter, 18 in the second and 33 in the third. The starters for both sides sat out the fourth. Said Generals coach Flip Saunders: "It was like the last thing we wanted tonight was to be out there, as far as how we played. It was extremely disappointing and pretty much unacceptable."

And pretty much unavoidable.

The Charlotte Bobcats: After a loss to the Jazz in which they gave up 110 points on 53 percent shooting, the 'Cats had as much trouble from within as they did from without. That's because Gerald Wallace (30 points, 13 rebounds, 5 assists) had to watch his fellow frontcourt starters (Boris Diaw and Tyson Chandler) combine for 10 points (3-for-10), 8 rebounds, 5 turnovers and 6 personal fouls in 61 minutes of PT. You can understand why he'd be a little irked.

Said Wallace: "You look between our 4-man and our 5-man, we got eight rebounds. I don't think we're taking pride in our defensive assignments, personally. We're not coming out and taking pride in helping our teammates."

Charlotte coach Larry Brown called his team's effort "unacceptable," and Stephen Jackson added: "You've got to look in the mirror. We're all blessed to have this job. We're all blessed to be able to take care of our families. I think we owe it to our teammates and yourself to go out there and play with more respect for the game." So says the man who threw his team under the bus by demanding a trade during a New York block party last season. But I digress.

Wallace, by the way, wasn't finished blasting his teammates. "You tell me [how to fix the team's problems]. Can you fix somebody's heart? Can you fix somebody's effort? That's a personal thing. That's something that person has to deal with mentally: Whether he wants it or not, or whether he's up to the task to come out and competing with us every night."

One big, happy Bobcat family.

Portland's ball movement: Or should I say "lack thereof." As AnacondaHL commented, the Ail Blazers finished with 7 assists total and nobody on the team had more than one assist. Damn, dawgs...pass the ball!

Vinsanity's shooting: 1-for-14. I hope for his sake this was some kind of public relations stunt where he had to shoot blindfolded or handcuffed or something...

The Milwaukee Bucks: Okay, so they went from barely losing to the Crabs in Cleveland to barely losing to the Kings in Milwaukee? Gak. And what a way to lose: on rookie Tyreke Evans' reverse layup around Andy Bogut with 0.9 seconds left. Said Bucks coach Scott Skiles: "We had blank looks on our faces and didn't appear in any way to have a whole lot of interest of what was going on out there."

It didn't help that the Bucks had bricked some freebies that could have helped them avoid the defeat. Luc Mbah a Moute missed one with 2:59 to go and Bogut missed two with 42 ticks on the clock. Free throw fail.

Said Skiles: "Obviously, you need those to go down. But I would not feel a whole lot different had we won the game. If we make a basket in the end and win that game I don't go home and break out the pom poms and start cheering." Now that's a downright frightening mental image I can never un-see.

Saturday lacktion report: It's Saturday! It's Chris! It's more lacktion!

Jazz-Bobcats: Ronnie Price gave Jerry Sloan another taste of the 8-bit life, by heading up a brick for a +1 suck differential from Tryon Street in a celebratory 3 second Super Mario!!!

Lakers-Nyets: Sasha Vujacic continues to provide the funding for a whole family of Kobe puppets, judging from tonight's 3.3 trillion (3:19) - an amount matched in rubles by Terrence Williams for New Jersey! Meanwhile, Terrence's brother-in-lacktion Sean Williams bricked twice from the stripe in 4:47 for a +2.

Hawks-Bulls: Jeff Teague flew into the ledger tonight with a pair of fouls and a couple of misses from Wacker Drive for a +4 in 6:11.

Pacers-Spurs: Jeff Foster parented one brick for a +1 in 3:01 for the Pacers, while Malik Hairston pulled one foul in 1:14 to give Gregg Popovich a +1 of his own.
Sunday-001

The New Orleans Hornets: This weekend was the best of times and the worst of times for the Hornets. They went from beating the Denver Nuggets to getting beaten down by the Toronto Craptors. And despite the fact that Toronto still ranks dead last in Defensive Efficiency, Charlotte managed to score only 92 points on 39 percent shooting. I guess Hornets really do freeze to death in the winter.

Said New Orleans coach Jeff Bower: "It was a difficult afternoon for us offensively. Toronto made us work for every shot we got. They played a strong defensive game."

...

Toronto's hometown announcers: From Shayan of the Raptors blog Mediocre Forever: "You've gotta see/hear this: After Peja Stojakovic hits a 3 in the Hornets-Raptors game in Toronto, The Raptors tv play-by-play analyst, Matt Devlin, yells out 'PUNJABI!!!' He meant to say 'Peja' I think, but had a brain fart and said 'Punjabi' because some Sunday Raptors games are going to be broadcast on the radio in Punjabi as a shout out to the huge Punjabi following that the Raptors have developed. I think Matt Devlin, by far, is the most unintentionally funny play-by-play guy in the league (not counting Reggie Miller and other mainstream guys). The best part is the awkward silence and how Leo Rautins and Matt Devlin try to play it off after. An instant classic!"


The Denver Nuggets: Okay, I let them off the hook for Friday night's loss to the Hornets because they were without Chauncey Billups and Chris Paul went fucking berserk (30 points, 19 assists, 9 rebounds). But Sunday's loss to the Grizzlies in Memphis was an abomination of basketball. To wit, Zach Randolph played like Godzilla after downing a few thousand 5-Hour Energy drinks. Z-Bo went off -- and I do mean went off -- for 32 points, 24 rebounds, 3 assists, a steal and even a blocked shot!! But wait, there's more: 9 of Randolph's boards were offensive (while the Nuggets had 12 as a team) and he went 1-for-1 from downtown. He owned the Nuggmeisters so thoroughly that word has it President Obama will be presenting Randolph with the deed to Denver later this week.

I know the Nuggets are shorthanded, but there is no excuse for making Zach Randolph look like the second coming of Moses Malone.

The Minnesota Timberwolves: Before playing the Celtics in Boston, the Timberpups were enjoying their best stretch of the season, winning two of their last three games. Of course, the one loss in that stretch was a 25-point home blowout to the Clippers...so it's safe to say they're still who we thought they were. And they were even more who we thought they were than we thought they were -- if that's even possible -- in their loss to the Celtics. Boston set a new season-high in points (122) and Paul Pierce tied a franchise record by hitting a hand-in-the-face-free 6-for-6 from downtown.

After building a 25-point halftime lead, the Celtics basically went into "going through the motions" mode and still won by 18. Said Minnesota coach Kurt Rambis: ""I hope it teaches us a lesson that we were lethargic in the first half. We didn't play with any energy. It's very, very tough to try and come back in a ballgame. That's why you don't want to get down to anybody, especially a quality team like the Celtics."

The Boston bench: The Celtics were handling the Timberpups so easily that Doc Rivers starting pulling his starters midway through the third quarter. Unfortunately, Boston's pine riders let Minny go on a 9-0 fourth-quarter run that cut the lead to 13. Rivers then had to send the big guns back in to settle things down. Of course, it's worth noting that Rambis had his starters in the game and busting their asses to make the final score respectable. I know the T-Wolves are bad, but their starters really should be better than the Celtics' bench players.

The Detroit Pistons: It was probably too much to expect the Pistons to beat the Lakers, not with Ben Gordon, Rip Hamilton and Tayshaun Prince sitting out due to injury. But still...when Kobe Bryant misses a free throw then manages to step up, grab the rebound and casually knock down a shot that gave the Lakers a 22-13 lead, well, you know that one team came to play and the other came to watch. That is, until...

L.A.'s fourth quarter: The Lakers led by 12 after the first quarter, by 18 at halftime and by 21 after three quarters. But instead of coasting to an easy win, L.A. let Detroit back into the game. Phil Jackson put his starters back in around the five-minute mark, but Pistons still managed to within 8 points with just under two minutes remaining. The Lakers held off Detroit's rally...but still. Said Lamar Odom: "I hate the way that game ended. Fourth quarters like that are my pet peeve -- we get up by 20 and stop playing."

The Miami Heat: Dwyane Wade had 28 points and 10 assists, and Quentin Richardson went 7-for-7 from three-point range, and the Heat were playing in Miami...but they still couldn't come against the injury-riddled Ail Blazers. The Heat had most of their troubles on the defensive end, where they allowed Portland to hit 51 percent of their shots, including 11-for-19 from beyond the arc. And here's some bonus bawful from the AP recap: "The Heat shot 49 percent, had 24 assists and only seven turnovers -- only the fifth time in the last 20 years that Miami put together that kind of combination. Sunday was the first time it added up to a loss."

Wade -- who shot 13-for-31 and didn't grab a rebound for only the fourth time in his career -- said: "The basketball Gods didn't want us to win this one."

...

The Cleveland Cavaliers: Dirk Nowitzki had to sit this game out because doctors were still extracting chunks of Carl Landry's teeth from his marshmallowy elbow. The Mavericks, therefore, had no other choice but to start Tim Thomas at power forward. I repeat: Dallas started Tim Thomas at power forward.

Well, Thomas responded with 22 points, 7 boards and 2 assists -- essentially outplaying LeBron James (25 points, 9-for-23, 3 boards, 6 assists) -- as the Nowitzki-free Mavs stunned the Crabs 102-95.

Naturally, the Crabs were left to do what they usually do after losing: bitch about the officiating. Said coach Mike Brown: "There was a couple of times I know LeBron drove the ball and he got hit and there was no call. I've got to do a better job of understanding the rule, because I don't know what's a foul and what's not a foul. You get told different things at different times and I've got to figure that out, he's got to figure that out and we as a team have to figure that out because it's disrupting the flow of how we're trying to play offensively, and we let it get to us tonight."

Actually, Mike, maybe you should just concentrate on running an actual NBA offense...because I think that might be the real problem.

Shaq: The Big Rusty went 1-for-7 and finished with 5 points, 8 rebounds, zero assists and 2 turnovers. Meanwhile, the man Shaq dubbed "Ericka" Dampier had 8 points (4-for-6) and 10 boards. I'm just sayin'.

Tim Thomas, quote machine: Let's face facts: Tim Thomas is a lazy, journeyman slug who only gives a shit every five games or so. I'd be willing to bet he puts a piece of tape on the three-point line at both ends of the court so he can job directly to those spots and camp out on every possession. But after his big game against the Crabs, he was feeling some personal mojo rising to the surface: "I just wanted to be aggressive with the minutes I was given tonight. For the last couple of years I've been stuck in situations where I've been pretty much stuck behind the 3-point line, and coming into this season I told coach I wanted to get back to playing an all-around game, which is my strength. He's allowed me to do that and that's what I am capable of doing."

In case you're wondering, the answer is: Yes, Timmy's contract is, in fact, up at the end of this season. Go figure.

Sunday lacktion report: It's Sunday! It's Chris! It's...well, you know.

Wolves-Celtics: Nathan Jawai provided a board and assist for the Clothelines in 14:20, but bricked twice, took a rejection, and fouled twice for a 2:1 Voskuhl.

Lakers-Pistons: This rematch of the 2004 (and 1988 and 1989) Finals had a decidedly non-intense flavor to it, as Phil Jackson was able to bring out his bunch of benchwarmers to celebrate an anticlimactic victory. Josh Powell bricked twice (once from Woodward Avenue downriver, as there isn't exactly a downtown in Oakland County) in 4:14 for a +2 suck differential, while Sasha Vujacic and DJ Mbenga made it rain on the Pistons this evening with unmarked bills respectively worth 3.6 trillion (3:36) and 1.85 trillion (1:52)!!! (Sasha's achievement was notable as the second night in a row he has won the lacktion lottery!)

Blazers-Heat: Anonymous writes in comments...
Missed Anthony Tolliver for the Blazers in the Laction against Miami. Just signed by the Blazers from the D-League, he was put in in the 2nd and pulled after 1:09 and a foul.

Thanks for catching that one, considering Yahoo didn't (ESPN did). That +1 also counts as a 1:0 Madsen-level Voskuhl!

Bobcats-Knicks: Charlotte's Acie Law tossed a brick at a Piranha Plant and had a Koopa shell blocked back in his face in an busy 9 second Super Mario that also accrued a +2!!!!!!!

Labels:

22 Comments:
Blogger chris said...
Last night, I was watching Sportscenter and they actually focused on Z-Bo's career night in their recap of that Nuggets-Grizzlies matchup. I don't know whether we're any closer to reaching a new dimension or not, after such...um...offensive efficiency from Mr. Randolph.

Especially against a good team!

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Dirk had to get rabies shots from being bitten. Dirk has also returned to playing in the same game in which he had teeth knocked out of his own mouth.

Meh. I've had teeth knocked out before. It doesn't hurt as bad as it sounds. (Not to say Landry isn't tough.) But having teeth embedded in your dominant arm elbow seems like a legit excuse to be out. Also, Dirk didn't really seem like he was crying, just kinda slightly bewildered at teeth being in his elbow.

Blogger chris said...
Thursday lacktion report, btw:

Magic-Heat: As Orlando dressed up (and played like they were) in their first-year look, Erik Spoelstra had the chance to celebrate early with two lacktators living the lifestyle of Don Johnson - Jamaal Magloire with a 4.15 trillion (4:10) and Daequan Cook partnering up with a 2.6 (2:35) trillion, enough to buy himself a Ferrari!

Knicks-Bulls: Eddy Curry's one made free throw in 3:32 (along with a rebound) could not burn off a sugary trio of bricks with toppings of one foul and turnover each, resulting in a rotund 3:2 Voskuhl. (Dishonorable mention has to be given to Brad Miller despite two boards, as he accrued a 0% shooting percentage after five pieces of masonry!!!)

Suns-Blazers: Earl Clark crunched two nougat-covered bricks for a +2 suck differential in 4:45.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Missed Anthony Tolliver for the Blazers in the Laction against Miami. Just signed by the Blazers from the D-League, he was put in in the 2nd and pulled after 1:09 and a foul.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Sure, teeth stuck in your elbow is a legit enough excuse for missing the game it happens. But two days later? He got THREE stitches. Play, you pansy.

""I tried (shooting), but it's just too sore," said Nowitzki, his arm bandaged from his elbow to his wrist." *eyeroll*

Blogger gordon gartrelle said...
Said Chris Douglas-Roberts: "They got whatever they wanted. That's how teams are going to start looking at us, if they haven't already. You will get whatever you want on the Nets. That's how I'd be looking at us."

^^^ That's borderline unintentionally dirty quote-ish.

Also, during the Saturday night WGN telecast of the Bulls-Hawks game, announcer Stacy King clowned Atlanta assistant coach Tyrone Hill by saying that the notoriously ugly Hill "just barely missed the cut for People's Most Beautiful People list."

Blogger Kcan said...
Bricks FAIL : http://i50.tinypic.com/fx5l7c.jpg

Blogger Kcan said...
btw mr.bawful you seem to forget that Tyreke Evans is a beast, show him some love! or man-love, whichever suits you ! :D

Blogger chris said...
Anonymous: Thanks! Yahoo COMPLETELY missed his stint. :O It also counts as a Madsen-level 1:0 Voskuhl!

gordon gartrelle: Apparently CDR's getting what he wants from his time with the Nyets, as judging from his Twitter entries of late:

@cdouglasroberts Back home,you can walk down the street to the G(Marathon gas station) & get right.FAKE Js,FAKE True's & a white T...off to the club you go!

@cdouglasroberts My new favorite leg are PRPs! Everybody still wearing True Religions. It's 2010. Fa what??? It's so many fake True's out here now. Ugha! 42 minutes ago

@cdouglasroberts On the training table. Got to get backkkkk!!! On the cool homie. about 2 hours ago


Training table? I mean, when you're letting other teams run over you, I guess getting the tire marks off might be the first use of first aid there, yeah...

Blogger Michael said...
"PUNJABI!"

Absolute announcing perfection.

I've never had teeth in my elbow, so maybe it's worse than it seems. But Kobe is averaging over 30 with a broken finger on his shooting hand. Tim Duncan is having a ridiculous year and I'm sure you need an electron microscope to measure the cartilage left in his knees.

Anonymous Carl said...
'Bawful,

In the tradition of the other "watches" of your blogging past, I say you start up a D-Wade "Basketball Gods" watch. I'm really starting to believe he has a Hey Arnold-style bubblegum statue to these hoops "Gods". He's seriously mentioned them in at least 9-10 post game interviews this year.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
My hate for ESPN and the Lakers grows with this entry.

ESPNLosAngeles.com launched today, and the main feature is the 50 greatest Lakers of all-time. Right out of the gate, number 50 is Ron Artest. Ron Artest, the most infamous player in the modern era, and who has only been with the team for TWO months?! And I love the open,

"All due respect to Tom Hawkins, Mitch Kupchak, Jim Krebs, Pat Riley, Dick Barnett, Archie Clark, Bill Bridges, Anthony Peeler, Brian Shaw and other Lakers with multiple years of service, but Artest has the chance to help sustain the current Lakers team's success.

Byran Shaw, who sparked the comeback in Game 7 of the 2000 Western Conference finals and has been a decent assistant coach for years, and Pat Riley, who coached Showtime to multiple rings, don't make the list, but this clown does.

ESPN, rapidly losing whatever intelligence they had in reporting on sports...

Blogger Andrei said...
Tim Thomas surprised the Dallas announcing crew among many others with his performance. At the end of the 4th quarter when I tuned into the game they kept talking about how they had no idea that he had a post-up game. It'll be awesome to see him get back to his fat, 3 point gunning ways next season when he's given a new contract by some inept GM.

Blogger Joe said...
@Anonymous

The Celtics fan in me says, " a crappy list for a crappy team"!

Zing

Blogger chris said...
Anonymous: Hey, if ESPNSacramento.com ever launches (yeah right), Garry St. Jean will probably be listed as one of the top 50 members of the purple (sometimes sky blue!) paupers. Eek.

Blogger BJ said...
. . . while Dirk runs around crying and only has to get 3 stitches.

Hey, back up. Cut on the arm's not any such of a much in and of itself. But when the doctor has to probe it for toothy bits, clean it, suture it, decide he wasn't thorough enough, take out the stitches, probe some more, clean it again, and restitch it, I think one can be forgiven for feeling a mite tender.
-BJ

Blogger Jim in KFalls said...
"Wade -- who shot 13-for-31 and didn't grab a rebound for only the fourth time in his career -- said: "The basketball Gods didn't want us to win this one."

No the Blazers didn't want you to win this one, the Basketball gods just laughed at you.

Anonymous Ak dave said...
It looks like Jarett Jack is cramming something into Bosh's... uh... you know.

By the way: is Dwayne Wade overweight this season? His face looks like a little baby's right now, and if I had to guess, he's about 10-15lbs overweight. What gives? He also got completely pwned on a block by Joel Pryzbilla yesterday; can't find the video, but if anyone does- it's post-worthy stuff.

Blogger BadDave said...
I SAID JUST THE TIP!!

Anonymous Anonymous said...
"
I've never had teeth in my elbow, so maybe it's worse than it seems."

Exactly. I'd laugh at him too, but this isn't your usual basketball injury. God, it isn't even a common "average joe's" injury. Bawful or not, bottomline is, teeth-in-your-meat sounds gross.

Anonymous katonk said...
Is Carl Landry gonna get teeth knocked out every year? In 2008, Carlos Boozer knocks out one of Landry's front teeth. In 2009, Dirk Diggler shatters five of Landry's teeth. Is Landry gonna be the first toothless player in the league someday? He's only 26 yrs old now, by the time he's 30, he'll be removing his dentures before the game instead of popping in a mouth guard!

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