The New Jersey Nyets: Okay, let's wrap our heads around a few things. Going into this game, the Pacers had lost 10 of 11 games and their last six in a row. During that vomit-inducing stretch, Indy lost Danny Granger -- maybe the only player worth a damn on Larry Bird's island of misfit toys -- to a torn plantar fascia in right foot. So, really, as bad as they are, there was no reason the Nyets couldn't at least compete with the Pacers. But, of course, they did not, losing 107-91.

You could argue New Jersey forgot how to shoot the ball -- they hit 36 percent as a team and didn't knock down a field goal for the first six-plus minutes of the fourth quarter -- but their biggest problem was on the defensive end, where they gave up career-highs to both Roy Hibbert (20 points and 9 rebounds, 3 blocked shots) and rookie Tyler Hansbrough (21 points, 7 boards, 3 steals). Hibbert even drilled his first career three-pointer. It's like the Nyets actually drain the suck out of other teams. This is amazing. Can we put these guys in the same room as Michael Bay and see what happens? And if we can do that before he starts on Transformers 3, I'd really appreciate it.

Devin Harris: Mister "We knew we were going to be a playoff team" has watched his Nyets go 25-61 in the year since he made his fateful prediction. And now, well, read for yourself:

This would have been just another tedious night at the office and another road loss for the worst team in the NBA, but Devin Harris decided he’d give it all a different kind of theme: antipathy.

The Nets point guard, perhaps candid to a fault, spoke his mind twice Friday night -- during and after his team’s 107-91 defeat against the Indiana Pacers at Conseco Fieldhouse -- and if anything good comes out of it, it will be the first decent game plan the team has put together this season.

Harris was seen by numerous witnesses complaining stridently to team president Rod Thorn in the hallway outside the locker room at halftime, when the Nets had already yielded 60 points. Among the things he was infuriated by was a "lack of direction" in the team’s huddle.
The capper was this quote by El Capitan: "We're a little divided as a team right now," Harris said. "We got to find a way to pull it together."

I always say, there's no better way to pull a team together than going after the team president and exposing the team's dirty laundry to the press. Maybe when Devin retires, he can teach a course in Leadership 101.

The Philadelphia 76ers: Another night, another painful lesson in humility, this time courtesy of the Houston No-Stars. The Sixers actually got solid contributions out of Elton "The 80 Million Dollar Man" Brand (19 points, 10 rebounds), Thaddeus Young (15 points, 7-for-11, 11 boards), Sammy Dalembert (a game-high 14 rebounds), Andre "The Other A.I." Iguodala (24 points, 8-for-13) and even The Cancer himself (12 of his 20 points in the fourth quarter). But this loss -- Philly's 12th straight spectacle of fail -- could probably be blamed on...

The Sixers bench: It's never a good sign when a team's bench players get outscored by 40 points. Unless you play for the other team, that is. Philly's reserves went 2-for-16 from the field and finished with more fouls (9) than points (6), rebounds (8) or assists (8).

As Basketbawful reader RT said: "You know what I think they need? The Yes! cartwheel." I agree, RT.

Eddie Jordan, quote machine: After watching his team drop its 12th consecutive game, Jordan said: "We know that we are not going to play a perfect game, but we did play hard, we did play smart for the most part. We are all going to make mistakes. The locker room is solid. They are professionals. They come to work every day and they are still playing together."

Well, golly! The Sixers may have the longest active losing streak in the league, but gosh darn it, they're playing together. They're playing like shit, but together.

Whoever fact-checked this ESPN article: Apparently, all the drama has aged Allen Iverson four years. At least, according to this ESPN article that Basketbawful reader Joe H. sent in. According to reliable sources, A.I. is still only 34.

aging answer
Fact check fail.

The Toronto Craptors: Before the game, it came out that the Craptors wanted a little payback for the 146-115 beating the Hawks gave them in Atlanta back on December 2nd. Well the only "payback" Toronto got was losing by 22 at home instead of by 35 on the road.


Said Chris Bosh: "We can circle dates on our calendar all we want to, but until we become a better team and, individually, take the challenge a little bit better, we're going to stay where we are." Speaking of Bosh...

Chris Bosh, quote machine: I think the RuPaul of Big Men may need to help Devin Harris teach that Leadership 101 class. Listen to how he tried to lift up his team after, as ESPN described it, "another double-digit loss":

"It's not disheartening. They beat us. You're going to get beat sometimes by teams that are better than you, and they're better than us. I can't sit here and be like, 'Well, they're not better than us, I think we're better.' No, they're better than us. They beat us. They smoked us once and then they beat us again today. But I believe this team is going to be good because I see the potential. We're five games under .500. It could be worse. We could be 0-25. It's not that bad. We still have a chance to improve and, at the end of the day, we're going to be in a playoff race."
Feel the furious power of positive thinking!

The Miami Heat: In losing their 11th straight regular season game to the Dallas Mavericks -- a streak that stretches back to March of 2004 -- the Heat hit a mere 40 percent of their field goals...and only 33 percent if you subtract Udonis Haslem's 9-for-10 shooting performance. Dwyane Wade (8-for-24) led the brick fest. Said Pookie: "They're a good team. It's as simple as that." And it's also as simple as: your team is not a good team. Speaking of which, the Heat are now 6-6 at home. This is a trend that will continue...

The New Orleans Hornets: Talk about defensive role reversal. New York held an opponent under 100 points for only the sixth time this season, while the Hornets let the Bricks score 113 points on 55 percent shooting (including 13-for-25 from downtown). Hands are for putting in faces, kids. Didn't your mothers ever teach you that? Said Chris Paul: "Our defense was horrible." He's not wrong.

But just as horrible -- if not more so -- was the Hornets' fourth quarter offense, which got blanked for the final five minutes. During that final stretch of futility -- which began with New Orleans ahead 96-95 -- the Knicks went on an 18-0 run that featured a series of three-point bombs from Chris Duhon (three of 'em), Al Harrington (two) and Danilo Gallinari (one).

Here's what the Hornets did while the Bricks were raining fire on them: Darius Songaila turnover (stolen by Jared Jeffries), Peja Stojakovic missed three, Marcus Thornton offensive rebound and missed tip shot, Paul missed layup, Paul offensive rebound followed by Thornton missed three-pointer, Paul missed 13-footer, Thornton missed layup (blocked by Jeffires), Stojakovic missed 17-footer (blocked by Gallinari), David West missed three-pointer, Darren Collison missed three-pointer.

Said Paul: "It was obvious we couldn't buy a shot." Yeah. Pretty obvious.

The Chicago Bulls: You can read about my thoughts on this game here and here. But let me sum things up by saying it's hard to be impressed when a team wins by scoring only 96 points through four quarters and an overtime session against a squad that's giving up almost 110 points per 100 possessions and ranks near the bottom of the league in Defensive Efficiency.

Derrick Rose: With Tyrus Thomas out due to forearm surgery, I haven't had the chance to scream about a Bulls player taking too many jump shots when he should be driving madly to the hoop. Well, thank you, Derrick Rose, for changing all that. Rose has fallen deeply in love with a running, one-handed floater which he uses to avoid contact and the many trips to the line he might otherwise be earning.

Sure, Rose can get that shot anytime he wants, but is that really the shot he wants almost every time? The Warriors are a terrible defensive team. Why let them off the hook by avoiding contact? As it was, Rose finished with 22 shot attempts (of which he hit seven) but only two free throws. And he "earned" those only because Golden State’s C.J. Watson was forced to foul him with 11 seconds left in overtime.

The Cleveland Craboliers: Yeah, I'm not really impressed the Crabs managed to eke out a 104-99 win over the Portland M.A.S.H. unit. Remember, this is an Ail Blazers team that's missing Greg Oden (left knee surgery), Rudy Fernandez (lower back surgery), Travis Outlaw (left foot surgery), Nicolas Batum (right shoulder surgery) and even coach Nate McMillan (Achilles' tendon surgery). I mean, shouldn't Cleveland have one this one in a laugher? Especially considering they shot 54 percent from the field and outscored Portland 52-28 in the paint?

This block by LeBron was pretty sweet, though. I can't even mock Brandon Roy. It was just a great play.

LaMarcus Aldridge: Mmmm...marshmallowy! As Stephanie G. writes: "Concerning Aldridge I'm not sure what's worse: the 2 rebounds in 35 minutes or the fact he let Sideshow Bob explode for 22. The team should TP his house with this."

The Memphis Grizzlies: The Griz edged back into "They are who we thought they were" territory with their 102-94 home loss to the Thunder. During the third quarter, Memphis held Oklahoma City to 3-for-20 shooting and outscored them 28-10 to take a 70-66 lead into the fourth quarter. But then the Grizzlies returned the favor by getting outscored 36-24 in the final period in their come-from-ahead loss. It didn't help that Memphis missed 14 of their 18 three-point attempts while going 14-for-24 from the line. Speaking of which...

Lionel Hollins, mad math scientist: "You've got to make free throws. We lost by eight and missed 10 free throws. If we make eight, we're tied and into overtime. If we make nine, we win the game."

Bobcats-Spurs: From the AP game recap: "It was not the prettiest game: The Spurs and Bobcats combined for 49 personal fouls and 47 turnovers, including a season-high 28 for San Antonio." Not pretty? No kidding. And the dude didn't even mention the 52 points scored off turnovers. Trying to TiVo my way through this game was like watching one of those Faces of Death movies. My thumb almost became fused with the fast forward button. Gak.

The Charlotte Bobcats: Somebody had to lose this crappy game, and it was the 'Cats, who are now 1-9 on the road. This is a trend that will continue...

Kurt Rambis, quote machine: His team might have lost yet another game by double-digits -- falling to a second-worst-record-in-the-league 3-20 in the process -- but at least he finally got his ring from the Lakers' 2009 championship. Said Rambis: "It's enjoyable to get the ring. It's very, very beautiful, very ornate, but I always like the boxes. The boxes are the neatest thing. The ring rotates, there's a little light that shines down on it, it's very nice." Settle down there, Gollum. If you start calling the ring "my precious," I'm going to have to toss you into the lava pits of Mount Doom.

The Orlando Magic: What an entertaining game! Magic-Suns was everything fans could have hoped for. Unless they were Orlando fans. Strange stuff with the Magic last night. Dwight Howard had a double-double (10 points, 18 rebounds) but only one field goal attempt. He did earn 17 free throws, but he missed nine of them. The Magic attempted 38 [!!] three-pointers. Vince Carter left the game early in the second half with a sore knee. With about 40 seconds left, Anthony Johnson dribbled the ball off Mikael Pietrus' foot and out of bounds. And then Orlando got finished off when Amar''''''e Stoudemire grabbed his only offensive board of the game and then waded through Magic defenders to throw down a dunk with 6.8 ticks to go. The game ended when Rashard Lewis airballed a triple at the buzzer. Lewis was 3-for-11 from beyond the arc.

Oh, and let's not forget the Suns scored 25 points off 21 Orlando turnovers. Giving Phoenix bonus points is never a good idea.

Friday lacktion report: Despite the end of a long week, lacktators kept lacktating...and Chris was there to immortalize it:

Hawks-Raptors: Randolph Morris meowed a foul, rejection, and brick for a +3 suck differential in 2:18 and a 1:0 Madsen-level Voskuhl, while fellow dirty bird Jason Collins took a foul and brick in 1:45 for a +2 and the same Voskuhl ratio.

Rockets-Sixers: David Andersen earned one board and one assist in 11:42, but five bricks (twice from the tallest masonry building in the world, Philadelphia City Halll!!!) and three fouls led to a 3:1 Voskuhl. For Philadelphia, Rodney Carney beat one foul to conquer World 1-1 in a 16 second Mario AND earn a +1.

Mavs-Heat: Rodrigue Beaubois gave Mark Cuban more riches tonight with a 1 trillion (1:01) to close out a late-game celebration. Miami's starting small forward Quentin Richardson bricked twice from Flagler Street in 6:35 for a +2, in a stint short enough to be acknowledged by Yahoo (possibly as the result of a hamstring strain).

Magic-Suns: Robin Lopez had a 100% shooting percentage on one shot in 4:41, but negated that and two boards with an Oden-like 5 fouls for a 5:4 Voskuhl.

The Washington Wizards Generals: Seriously, could Washington's loss to the Pacers possibly be any more Generals-y than it was? Let me set the scene for you. Washington was leading 113-112 with six seconds left when Mike Dunleavy Jr. was forced to foul Gilbert Arenas. You may remember him as the same Agent Sub Zero who missed a pair of foul shots that would have tied the game in the final half-minute in a loss to Boston on Thursday. The Generals went on to lose that game.

History repeated itself. Arenas shanked both freebies. Now all he and his teammates had to do was successfully defend a Danny Granger-less Pacers team for a mere six seconds. A feat that should have been reasonably easy, considering Indy had no timeouts left and had to travel the length of the court to get a shot off. In six seconds.

Well, that's precisely was T.J. Ford did. Only Ford missed, and the ball was tipped out of bounds by Brendan Haywood, seemingly as time expired. But thanks to the wonders of instant replay, the Pacers got another five-tenths of a second to make the impossible happen. Of all plays Indiana coach Jim O'Brien could have possibly called in that situation, the last one I was expecting was a lob to freaking Dunleavy Jr. I mean...a lob to Mike Dunleavy Jr.?!

That's what happened, and it appeared that Haywood fouled him (he did). But another video review was needed to make sure the foul happened before time expired (it did). Unlike Arenas, Mikey knocked down both of his free throws. Game over. Pacers win. Generals lose. Again. And again. And again...

Said Arenas: "It's really frustrating. I'm shooting them all day. I mean, I don't even know why I'm sitting here talking about some free throws. I never fathomed that I'd be missing free throws again. Maybe it's just mental, because I'm making them in practice. I might have been thinking about it. Maybe I was thinking about the last game free throws."

Meanwhile, Haywood was giving the officials a little stink eye: "I didn't know how it was possible. On the catch, the clock has to start. So catch, come down, and then fouled in the act of shooting seems tough. I definitely have a strong opinion on it, really can't speak on it. You know how David Stern is, real tough on criticizing the referees. I didn't think it was possible."

Did I mention this game took place in Washington, where the Generals have lost three in a row and seven of 11 overall?

Washington coach Flip Saunders provided the final and most appropriate epitaph: "We're inventing ways to lose."

Gilbert Arenas: Hey, he deserves it. Despite his first triple-double in five and a half years -- 22 points, 10 rebounds, 11 assists -- Arenas missed a couple freebies that could have staved off catastrophe. And lest you forget, Gilbert's Shaqnosis actually goes back a while.

I'm also giving Arenas a belated Worstie for claiming that refs are "profiling" him. Really, Gilbert? Really?

Vladimir Radmanovic: The Golden State Warriors are missing so many players right now that interim coach Keith Smart has been forced to start the Space Cadet. And apparently, Vlad really has been shooting for the moon. After his 2-for-11 "effort" against the Pistons, he's 14-for-49 over his last five games. Remember: Radmanovic is a shooter. That's his only value as a player. I'm just sayin'.

The Chicago Bulls: Remember all the way back to several entries ago when Chris Bosh said: "They beat us. You're going to get beat sometimes by teams that are better than you, and they're better than us. I can't sit here and be like, 'Well, they're not better than us, I think we're better.' No, they're better than us. They beat us. They smoked us once and then they beat us again today."

All I can say is, welcome to the Bulls' world. In two games against Boston this season, Chicago has lost by 28 and 26 points. You know, everybody wondered whether it was an aberration when the Bulls pushed the Celtics to seven games in the first round of last year's playoffs. I think we have our answer.

Brad Miller: Yeah, we all get it, Brad. You can hit people in the face too. Golf clap.

Doc Rivers, unintentionally dirty quote machine: Basketbawful reader Adrian C. writes:

Here's a gem from the AP recap:

Rondo was having a little fun at his coach's expense after Kentucky, his school, beat Indiana on Saturday. Rivers' son Jeremiah plays for the Hoosiers. "I can't even tell you how hard Rondo's been the last three hours," Doc Rivers said. "That's all right. I control the minutes."

The way I read it, Rondo has a problem with Viagra AND arriving too soon.
The Charlotte Bobcats: Remember the 'Cats 1-9 road record I was talking about earlier? Well, make it 1-10 after they coughed up a game in Dallas. I'm not sure there are any Charlotte Bobcats fans, but if there are, this had to be painful for them. the 'Cats led most of the game before succumbing to a clutch Dirk Nowitzki jumper with 1.9 seconds left in overtime. Charlotte did everything to win except actually winning. Speaking of which...

Stephen Jackson, sour grapes machine: Said Captain Jack: "We deserved to win this game. We competed and did everything we're supposed to do to win this game. For some reason, it didn't happen that way." Sad trombone.

The Portland Trail Blazers: Rough weekend for the Ail Blazers. They followed up a close loss to the Crabs in Cleveland with a double-overtime defeat against the Bucks in Milwaukee. Ya think Portland missed Greg Oden? Andy Bogut scored a season-high 27 points and the Bucks finished with 50 points in the paint. I'm pretty sure Oden would have prevented a few of those points before getting into foul trouble. As for Bogut: Self high-five time!

Michael Redd: Redd made his long-awaited return to Milwaukee's lineup, scoring 11 points on 11 shots and racking up a plus-minus score of -14 in his 29 minutes of PT. And check out this tidbit from the AP recap:

LaMarcus Aldridge put the Trail Blazers up by six in the first overtime when he scored six points on three consecutive fast-break dunks while the Bucks looked lost.

Coach Scott Skiles pulled Michael Redd and inserted [Luke] Ridnour, who quickly hit a runner in the lane to stop the surge and break a 2 minute, 20 second scoring drought.

"I wanted to get Ridnour back in there. They ran right by us three or four times to start the overtime, and we were having trouble scoring. Luke's been knocking down shots, and playing really well for us. In many ways, with Mike out, Luke's been our best two-guard so I wanted to get him back in the game."
That's right: Michael Redd is less than Luke Ridnour. Fail.

The Phoenix Suns: This was pretty predictable. If you're me, anyway. Before sitting down to watch this game, I thought, "Okay, the Suns' game against the Magic went down to the wire last night, which means they had to immediately jump on a plane to Denver, where they get to play the second of back-to-backs in that crazy high altitude. They're totally going to collapse in the second half."

Sure enough, Phoenix was ahead 60-47 at the half and went up by as many as 17 points in the third quarter before the Nuggets inevitably came back, thanks in large part to a group case of Kwame Hands (the Suns gave up 31 points off 21 turnovers). Steve Nash (team-high 28 points, 11-for-17, 7 assists, only 2 turnovers) tried to will his team to victory by scoring his team's final seven points, which included a big-ball trey that gave the Suns their final lead of the night (95-94). Too bad Steve didn't get much help from his teammates, especially...

Amar''''''e Stoudemire: STAT finished with more fouls (5) than field goals (4) and almost as many turnovers (7) as rebounds (8). Now, Nash is the old one and Stoudemire's the young one, right?

Steve Nash: Okay, in all fairness to Amar''''''e, I should point out that Nash laid an egg on defense against Chauncey Billups. He pretty much kept Billups under control in the first half (3 fouls, 2 turnovers). But in the second half, Chauncey scored 24 points and drilled five threes to bring Denver back. Said Mr. Big Shot: "I have confidence in myself, man. I'm not going to go out and just shoot and shoot and shoot and just do something crazy until I'm 1-for-25. I was having my way, to be honest with you, getting to the rack. But three fouls took my aggressiveness and some of my minutes, as well. But I knew at half, I said, 'I'm going to come out and I'm going to attack them.' I didn't know if I was going to get to the basket or not, but Steve [Nash] was playing so far off of me that I was like, 'Man, I've got to take this.'"

Kobe Bryant: Mamba entered the game with a broken finger on his shooting hand and some kind of flu-like symptoms, but that didn't stop him from jacking up a game-high 24 shots...of which he hit only seven. Why an obviously ailing Kobe felt the need to chuck up awful shot after awful shot -- he went 1-for-9 from downtown -- is anybody's guess. I mean, his teammates were shooting pretty well. Ron Artest was 6-for-10, Pau Gasol was 6-for-11, Andrew Bynum was 5-for-9, and Derek Fisher was 6-for-8. It would have been the perfect time for Bryant to play decoy and lean on the Lakers' fantastic inside game. But this performance stank of Kobe's pathalogical need to let everybody know he's still The Man, that injury and sickness won't stop him, etc.

He didn't speak after the game.

The Minnesota Timberwolves: The Saga of Fail continues for the Timberpups, who missed 11 free throws, gave up 53 percent shooting, and lost to the Kings by 20 in Sacramento. They are now 3-21...and the people of Minnesota are starting to think back longingly on the Kevin McHale era. Yikes.

Said Minny coach Kurt Rambis: "We're a young team and we have to learn to play the proper way. The Kings are a young team that wants to get up and down the floor, so we got caught up trying to play too fast. We lost our focus and attention to details." That's, uh, all stuff the coach is supposed to take care of, right, Kurt?

Saturday lacktion report: Even as he salivates for dollar beer night in Cowbell Kingdom, Chris managed to focus on Saturday's lactivity:

Warriors-Pistons: DaJuan Summers spent 7 seconds in a drainpipe for a Super Mario!

Celtics-Bulls: Lester Hudson flowed into foul territory once for a +1 suck differential in 2:27.

Suns-Nuggets: Robin Lopez saw through three fouls in 3:46 to open up the door to a +3 that also earned a 3:0 Voskuhl (his second consecutive negative night as a big man!!!). Denver's Joey Graham cracked Bowser on his head for a celebratory 7 second Super Mario!!!

Lakers-Jazz: Sasha Vujacic annoyingly groveled for a 1.95 trillion payday (1:57) that will no doubt become a part of Jerry Buss's poker bankroll.

The Houston Rockets: Everybody's favorite scrappy, can-do team showed how precarious life can be for team's that don't have a certified All-Star/go-to guy. When a team like that goes broke from the field -- as the Rockets did, shooting just under 37 percent as a team -- there's nothing they can do but keep launching shots and praying a few go in. Otherwise they can and will get blown out by bad teams, such as the Toronto Craptors. Houston fell behind 32-17 after the first quarter and simply didn't have the firepower necessary to mount a comeback against the league's worst defensive team.

Said Luis Scola: "We can't afford to start this way. We're not that good. We can't expect to come out and be down 20 and pick it up whenever we want to and come back and win the game. It happens once in a while, but it won't happen against good defenses. We're going to lose 95 percent of the games that we start this way."

Trevor Ariza: Ariza, formerly the model of efficiency as a roleplayer on the Lakers, has undergone quite a transformation. In replacing Ron Artest to become Houston's leading scorer, he has in many ways become Ron Artest. Not only in the sense of his misguided shooting and careless ball-handling -- Ariza finished with 1 point on 0-for-9 shooting and a game-high 4 turnovers -- but now also in his cheapshot-ability. Take, for instance, this incident with DeMar DeRozen:

Seriously, did Ariza and Artest switch places, Face Off-style?

The New Jersey Nyets: The Nyets wrapped up a weekend of blowout losses by falling 130-107 to the Hawks in Atlanta. New Jersey allowed a season-high in points while dropping to an NBA-worst 2-22. But let's accentuate the positive, shall we?

Brook Lopez, glass half-full machine: Sure, the Nyets lost by 23 points, but there were times during the game where they showed a near-competent level of basketball ability. As Lopez noted: "We were hanging tough with a top-four team in the East, pretty much for -- what fraction should I say? -- five-eighths of the game? That's correct, right? So, we were in there. It just kind of fell out from under us offensively and defensively the beginning of the third quarter. I'm sure it's tough writing about us."

Oh, I dunno, Brook. It's pretty easy for me. Bad news for the Nyets, though. In the next three four games, they play at Cleveland, versus the Jazz, at Toronto and versus the Lakers. If they can't beat the Craptors...

The Miami Heat: Remember that whole "Heat struggling at home" thing I brought up earlier? Well, it happened again, only worst than anybody could have imagined. They dropped to a lousy 6-7 when playing in Miami after losing -- nay, getting their asses handed to them -- 118-90 by...the Memphis Grizzlies?! No joke. Miami was absolutely brutalized inside, getting outrebounded 49-26 and outscored 60-46 in the paint. Memphis jumped on the Heat pretty much from the get-go, outscoring Miami 37-25 in the first quarter and never looking back as Rudy Gay scored a career-high 41 points. Gay became just the fourth player since January 2007 to score at least 40 against Miami in a regular-season game. Jamal Crawford (40) did it on December 1, 2008, and LeBron James (42) and Ben Gordon (43) both did it last March.

Defensive fail.

Oh, and did I mention that the Heat have lost nine of their last 12 after starting the season 7-2. And apparently Erik Spoelstra held a "long post-game meeting" where the players bitched and Dwyane Wade "sat back and listened." Sounds like one big, happy family. Have I mentioned Wade will become a free agent next summer...?

The Oklahoma City Thunder: It was a night of dueling season-highs, as King Crab set season-bests in points (44) and French fries stolen (a handful) while Kevin Durant tied a season-high by committing 7 turnovers. The end result was a 102-89 home loss for the Thunder. The Crabs broke the game open by concluding on a 14-2 run that included a "He did not just do that!" halfcourt shot by Mo Williams as the shot clock expired.

Naturally, LeBron had to take a little credit for Mo's shot. Said James: "He practices with me every day on them halfcourt shots, and sometimes it pays off. That was a huge shot." Remember: Even when it's not about LeBron, it's about LeBron. Speaking of Lebron, after an And-1, he stole some French fries from a kid sitting courtside and wearing a Durant jersey. No, really.

Of course, King Crab being who he is, he claimed the French fries were a magical gift left unattended by the Basketball Gods for his own divine enjoyment. "There wasn't nobody sitting there," James said, explaining that he hadn't taken the fry from the Durant fan. "The French fries had their own seat." I had no idea there was a "Free Seat for French Fries Night" in Oklahoma City.

The Los Angeles Clippers: The Clippers cannot change their fate. They truly are who we thought they were. Especially after a 115-90 home loss to the Spurs in which San Antonio shot a blistering 57 percent from the field and 55 percent from beyond the arc. But what else could you expect from a night on which Sebastian Telfair started ahead of Baron Davis, who had an upset tummy. Said B-Dizzle: "I've been a little sick, and I was getting a little tired and a little dizzy." I've heard of that. It's called Clipper-itis.

Some nameless Associated Press writer: Basketbawful reader J.R. writes:

How about a Bawful spotlight on the Associated Press writer that recapped the Spurs-Clippers tilt? Said writer mentioned that "Spurs swingman DeJuan Blair, who came in leading all rookies with a field goal percentage of 59.3, made 7 of 9 shots and finished with 14 points." When was the last time DeJuan Blair was playing swingman? Middle school, maybe?
Sunday lacktion report: Chris brings our weekend to a close, lacktion-style:

Rockets-Raptors: Brian Cook -- he of the only 0.0 second Luigi this year - lost the rock once in 1:23 for a +1 suck differential.

Crabs-Thunder: Mike Brown clawed at a human victory cigar for video games tonight, as Jawad Williams bought himself a new Nintendo DSi in a 56 second Mario - his second tribute to the virtual plumber in five days!

Spurs-Clippers:'s OVER! Steve Novak gets his first rebound (negating a foul) since November 18th or so, resulting in the end of the greatest existence of non-contribution known so far in the history of the Association!!!!!!



Blogger BJ said...
If the Repo Man did egoectomies, would they look like this?

Anonymous Ian said...
"Okay, the Suns' game against the Magic went down to the wire last night, which means they had to immediately jump on a plane to Denver, where they get to play the second of back-to-backs in that crazy high altitude. They're totally going to collapse in the second half."

That last part of your prediction sounds very Bill Simmons-y to me. I know you have your theory on back-to-backs, which seems to be correct but you said second half in your retro-prediction only because they dominated that first half. Admit it, you were worried about your theory for those first 24 minutes of action. Watch out Bawful we don't need a second version of that bastard lurking around.

Blogger Austen said...
What, no Worst of the Night to the Lakers in general for their loss to the Jazz? Sure, Kobe was awful but he didn't do it alone. Losing that game was a team effort, especially when they let the undrafted rookie Wesley Matthews go off for a career night! ^_-

Blogger chris said...
"Free Seat for French Fries Night" would help reduce the number of empty chairs at Arco on non-$1 Beer Nights, that's for sure.

Blogger Basketbawful said...
That last part of your prediction sounds very Bill Simmons-y to me. I know you have your theory on back-to-backs, which seems to be correct but you said second half in your retro-prediction only because they dominated that first half. Admit it, you were worried about your theory for those first 24 minutes of action. Watch out Bawful we don't need a second version of that bastard lurking around.

Okay, in all fairness to me, I provided an extended explanation of my "second night of back-to-back" theory, and I believe that part of it was that the Suns (or whatever team) typically remains competitive for one half of basketball and then succumbs in the second.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
In addition, that's just what the Suns do. Let opponents back into it. Anyone that's watched a Suns game in the past 15 years knows that any unbalanced halftime score will just not last.

Quite frustrating that the Suns could have won, if not for the crappy crap officiating. Ugh lets not talk about it.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
hey bawful, here is Ariza's bawfulness in the third quarter, play by play style.

Anonymous Hellshocked said...
For all the hype, I'm not particularly impressed with Derrick Rose. His jump shot is better than advertised, but his court vision is mediocre, his decision making is barely above average and his unwillingness to get to the free throw line (he surely must have one of the lowest free throw shooting rates in the league for comparable players) makes him, at times, very inefficient offensively. It's maddening how rarely he chooses to employ his extraordinary athleticism to make something happen for himself (or others). He is by no means a bad player and is by all accounts a good, hardworking kid but I don't see where the hype about him joining the ranks alongside Deron Williams and Chris Paul soon comes from. He strikes me more (at least at this point in his career) as a poor man's Devin Harris. It's too early to tell, but if it wasn't for Noah I think Chicago fans would be on the verge of suicide.

On the other hand, I'm very impressed with Memphis. I don't think they are as "good" as their (10-13) record but they always play hard, are remarkably unselfish (amazing considering they employ Zach Randolph, O.J. Mayo, Rudy Gay, Jamal Tinsley and others) and I think they're going to be a tough out most nights. On most other teams Marc Gasol would be generating some mild All Star buzz.

Blogger clicc916 said...
Maybe Hibachi-san caught his case of Shaqnosis from...G-Zero's wife?

Anonymous Stockton said...
Congratulations Kobe. It's amazing how Mamba, even injured, takes 24 shots. I mean, it's not like LA doens't have any more offensive weapons, right? What's the point of stockpilling scorers if Kobe doesn't pass the ball? He really reminds me of those Chuck Norris movies, in which in the final fight, Chuck drops his gun and faces the bad guy with his bare hands, just to prove a point.
The good thing is that we learned that MJ was the only one player capable of, with a stomach virus, beating the Jazz in Utah...

Anonymous Anonymous said...
I contend the "great play." I think it showed amazing athletic ability but I have two small points. One - IMHO it was a touch of a goaltend. However, no big deal and it was certainly close enough that I wouldn't contest it. Two - why the hell did he smack into the third row? (Ok, I know why...) He could have just tapped it three feet in front of him to his teammate and set up a fast break. The art of the block is dead.

Blogger chris said...
Stockton: He also was capable of beating the Jazz in Utah...with Bryon Russell as a prop.

Anonymous Jai said...
The Knicks had 7 blocks in that game against the Hornets, which, if my facts are correct, is more blocks than they had all of last season.

Blogger Dan B. said...
Stockton -- Chuck Norris doesn't drop his gun and fight just to prove a point. He does it because his fists and his roundhouse kick are infinitely more deadly than a mere gun.

Anonymous Ak dave said...

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Brook was talking to the beat writers who have to write about them everday..

Blogger Unknown said...
I know it's college, but Roy Williams should get a mention for this:,208335

Anonymous NarSARSsist said...
Stephanie G. writes: "Concerning Aldridge I'm not sure what's worse: the 2 rebounds in 35 minutes or the fact he let Sideshow Bob explode for 22. The team should TP his house with this."

Goodness, have you no morals or conscience? He could badly injure himself running into that stuff. Would you put landmines and machetes around Roy's house, or put hardwood and basketballs in Oden's house? Grievous bodily harm is not funny!

Blogger Wild Yams said...
Austen - "What, no Worst of the Night to the Lakers in general for their loss to the Jazz? Sure, Kobe was awful but he didn't do it alone. Losing that game was a team effort, especially when they let the undrafted rookie Wesley Matthews go off for a career night!"

As Mr. Bawful pointed out, the rest of the Lakers actually played pretty well. This loss really was almost entirely courtesy of Kobe and his insistence on shooting the hell out of the ball, despite having a gastro-intestinal virus and a broken index finger on his shooting hand. If Kobe can only play that way and can't actually be more of a distributor/decoy, then the Lakers need to force him to sit and recuperate for a bit. Lord knows they've got enough talent to still win games against most other teams even without him. LA's defense wasn't that great, so they could get a Worst Of mention for that, but as for Wesley Matthews, Jr going off, well he plays shooting guard so guess who was guarding him (here's a hint: it was Kobe).

Blogger Andrei said...
Regarding the Faceoff switch between Artest and Ariza. I think Ariza has previously demonstrated his dickish streak. Remember when he took down Rudy Fernandez on a fast break last year? Perhaps now that he's the big dog on a team he figures his dickishness has to increase just like his field goal attempts.

Anonymous NarSARSsist said...
Andrei - Meanwhile, unlike the takedown, which was an unfortunate and stupid foul, this was just a straight up cheap shot. Perhaps just as his dickishness increased with FGA, his manliness decreased with his FG%?

Blogger Wild Yams said...

Anonymous ButtZilla said...


Blogger AnacondaHL said...
Yams: wtf.

Labels: Boston Celtics, Brian Scalabrine, noreallythisguyisaprofessionalbasketballplayerlikeheplaysandstuff, thismanhasaringandjohnstocktondoesnot

So after the Knicks picked up the Human Cigar, now they picked up the Human Band-aid too. Any take on their new signing?

Blogger Basketbawful said...
Raymond Blitzfucker -- Man, fuck Jon Bender! That thief made off with $30 million of the Pacers' money. If he plays well for the Knicks, I'm going to sink my life savings into Jonathan Bender voodoo dolls and stick pins.

I read somewhere that Bender's good relationship with Donnie Walsh helped him land the gig with the Knicks. Why sign a proven lemon? His knees are never going to get better and he is getting old. I doubt will see any Grant Hill type of story line here. At least Hill was good before he started getting injured. Bender...nobody knows for sure, it has always been about his potential...What potential, dude is almost 30 years old. Freakin' sign Mario West, at least he playes hard.

Blogger Basketbawful said...
What potential, dude is almost 30 years old.

Yeah, but he hasn't actually used his body since his early 20s...

Anonymous NarSARSsist said...
Yeah, but he hasn't actually used his body since his early 20s...

Not to mention considering his left knee surgery in 03, some parts of his body might be less than 10 years old and under factory warranty.

Blogger Wild Yams said...
AnacondaHL - What can I say, I'm an unabashed fan of Hardwood Paroxysm :) That Scalabrine picture makes me giggle every time I see it. Check the original at huge resolution for extra giggles. I can't wait for Veal: The Brian Scalabrine Story starring Michael Rappaport. BTW, I dunno which of you has been messing with Scal's Wikipedia entry, but this just ain't right (even if it is damn funny).

Buttzilla - That video was fantastic, especially LeBron doing the worst Luther impression ever.

Blogger lordhenry said...
I like to think of Basketbawful as the anti-Simmons. They both will point out they are fans of their teams, but 'Bawful really rips his teams for fail in a way that Simmons has only really done in the last couple years. Plus, after seeing that article on the bulls in Truehoop this week, it appears Mchale is moving on up, maybe someday he will even have his own column there.

In the mountains of L.A., in the citadel of Hate, on a throne of frozen tears sits the Dark Lord Kobe "Bean" Bryant, the Black Mamba and He of the Gimpy Finger, using his laptop. "I can't believe there is actually a DDP reference today, I can't tell if this ""Basketbawful"" guy is a genius or a moron," mutters Darth Mamba while scanning the internet. "My Lord, perhaps we should focus on the issues at hand," interrupts Lord Vega, AKA Pau Gasol. Kobe looks up from his laptop, annoyed, eyebrow raised, "And?"

"Well, you shot 7-22 last night my lord, and it seems obvious that perhaps while your hand heals you should dole out some of your shots."

"I see."
Lord Vega seems nervous, but continues, "maybe if you used yourself as a decoy more and passed until--"
"Until what? Until Sasha gets his shot back, or Darth Kongo learns he doesn't have one?!" Or maybe I pass until Farmar learns the triangle, or Darth Sweet tooth learns to show up more than once a week?! Bah, I am still the head Sith Lord here, and there is nothing wrong with my shot as I will prove NOW!!!!"

The Dark Lord extends his shooting hand, and tendrils of purple (or is it Forum blue?) lightning streak out, striking down the nearest Laker, sending howling to the ground.
"HAHAHA, take that Sasha, you weaka$$, that's the only extra shot you will ever take!" Roars the Mamba in satisfaction.

"My Lord?"
"That was Shannon."
"So I missed."
"It appears so, My Lord."
"Point Taken, Lord Vega, carry on."

Anonymous Gabe said...
As beautiful as that Lebron block was, it was clearly goaltending.