Basketbawful reader Matt S. sent the following e-mail:

"Thought you might enjoy this: Take a look at the reason for McGrady taking the night off. I've seen hundreds, maybe thousands, of fantasy notes, but I have never seen anything quite like it."

And here's the money shot:


Knee-Mac has logged eight minutes in the preseason. And his legs are already weary. Remember: This is what Tracy said back in late August:

"There's no question [I get back to being an elite player]. There is no question. Yes, because my body feels good. I'm in great shape. I'm in better shape than I've been in for the last three years. I'm a lot leaner. I'm telling you, a lot of people are going to be shocked. That's all I've got to say."

Since then? Eight preseason minutes. But I'm sure it's all just precautionary. Kind of like how you have to cover fragile things in layer after layer of bubblewrap before you can mail them anywhere. Because otherwise they'll break. Easily.

I'm sure this will end well.

Labels: Detroit Pistons, Detroit Pistons: Destination Doom, fan submissions, Tracy McGrady

The first pilot season of the Basketbawful Fantasy League has begun! Sorry for jumping intbetween the Division previews, but the results had to be posted somewhere, and I was too lazy to finish them until yesterday. As a note, we agreed to expand our league to 11 categories, including PFs and TECHs. For bonus hilarious effect, but probably more out of general apathy, 6 managers let Autopick decide their fate.

Team Name	Manager
AHL's Hedo Nightmare	anacondahl
Black Belt In Crotty	DemonMittenHands
Colostomy Bags	Fernando
Epitome of Sadness	broc w
Free Mario!	Will
Oliver Thriller	spacejung
Purple Paupers	Chris Sampang
Rondo's Jump Shot	sosdognoff
Scrappy Coco	Jobert
Stockton to Ostertag	Fat Bob
Tony Danza's Boshmen	Evan
Zombie KY Colonels	Dan B

Black Belt in Crotty, Epitome of Sadness, Purple Paupers (chris!), Scrappy Coco, Stockton to Ostertag, and Zombie KY Colonels (Dan B!) all couldn't make it. I'll highlight in red picks I thought were reachescrappy, and highlight in green picks I thought were stealspicks I was jealous of or wanted for myself.

Round 1
1.	Kevin Durant (OKC - SF)	Colostomy Bags
2.	Chris Paul (NO - PG)	Purple Paupers
3.	Derrick Rose (Chi - PG)	Tony Danza's Boshmen
4.	Dirk Nowitzki (Dal - PF)	Black Belt In Crotty
5.	LeBron James (Mia - SF)	Scrappy Coco
6.	Dwyane Wade (Mia - PG,SG)	Rondo's Jump Shot
7.	Kobe Bryant (LAL - SG)	Zombie KY Colonels
8.	Stephen Curry (GS - PG)	Stockton to Ostertag
9.	Pau Gasol (LAL - PF,C)	Oliver Thriller
10.	Danny Granger (Ind - SF,PF)	Epitome of Sadness
11.	Deron Williams (Uta - PG)	AHL's Hedo Nightmare
12.	David Lee (GS - PF,C)	Free Mario!

Only one major surprise here, which is obviously Rose at the 3rd pick. I thought it was an Autopick error, but in hindsight, it started a trend which will become clear shortly. LeBron dropping to 5 despite his absurdly low PFs and all around game was the steal of the round. And personally I don't like seeing Danny Granger fall this low, but lots of opinions vary on that.

Round 2
1.	Rajon Rondo (Bos - PG)	Free Mario!
2.	Brook Lopez (NJ - C)	AHL's Hedo Nightmare
3.	Chris Bosh (Mia - PF,C)	Epitome of Sadness
4.	Steve Nash (Pho - PG)	Oliver Thriller
5.	Amar'e Stoudemire (NY - PF,C)	Stockton to Ostertag
6.	Dwight Howard (Orl - C)	Zombie KY Colonels
7.	Gerald Wallace (Cha - SF,PF)	Rondo's Jump Shot
8.	Josh Smith (Atl - PF)	Scrappy Coco
9.	Tyreke Evans (Sac - PG,SG)	Black Belt In Crotty
10.	Carmelo Anthony (Den - SF)	Tony Danza's Boshmen
11.	Jason Kidd (Dal - PG)	Purple Paupers
12.	Al Jefferson (Uta - PF,C)	Colostomy Bags

I didn't like Bosh this early, but maybe his low PFs and all around numbers explain the pick. Dwight Howard Autopicked here is awful, and will be killer in FT%, TO, PF, and TECH. Tyreke this early is not only awful Kahn-style Autopicking (vacuuming up PGs), but didn't even give chris a chance to draft his team's rising young star! Again, Scrappy Coco with the steal, somehow getting an incredible FT punting team started.

Round 3
1.	Joe Johnson (Atl - SG,SF)	Colostomy Bags
2.	Chauncey Billups (Den - PG)	Purple Paupers
3.	Andre Iguodala (Phi - SG,SF)	Tony Danza's Boshmen
4.	Russell Westbrook (OKC - PG)	Black Belt In Crotty
5.	Al Horford (Atl - PF,C)	Scrappy Coco
6.	Kevin Love (Min - PF,C)	Rondo's Jump Shot
7.	John Wall (Was - PG)	Zombie KY Colonels
8.	Brandon Roy (Por - SG,SF)	Stockton to Ostertag
9.	Tim Duncan (SA - PF,C)	Oliver Thriller
10.	Monta Ellis (GS - PG,SG)	Epitome of Sadness
11.	Andrea Bargnani (Tor - PF,C)	AHL's Hedo Nightmare
12.	David West (NO - PF)	Free Mario!

Danza rebounds with a mini steal, followed by a stream of more Kahn Autopicks. I don't like Westbrook or Wall this high, and Rondo's Jump Shot's decision to reach for Love was curious. He got Z-Bo in the next round anyways, but still that could have been a better pick, if only for Free Mario to have the Gay-Love combo.

Round 4
1.	Rudy Gay (Mem - SF,PF)	Free Mario!
2.	Danilo Gallinari (NY - SF)	AHL's Hedo Nightmare
3.	Nene Hilario (Den - PF,C)	Epitome of Sadness
4.	Andrew Bogut (Mil - C)	Oliver Thriller
5.	Manu Ginobili (SA - SG)	Stockton to Ostertag
6.	DeMarcus Cousins (Sac - PF,C)	Zombie KY Colonels
7.	Zach Randolph (Mem - PF,C)	Rondo's Jump Shot
8.	Paul Pierce (Bos - SG,SF)	Scrappy Coco
9.	LaMarcus Aldridge (Por - PF,C)	Black Belt In Crotty
10.	Joakim Noah (Chi - PF,C)	Tony Danza's Boshmen
11.	Marc Gasol (Mem - C)	Purple Paupers
12.	Stephen Jackson (Cha - SG,SF)	Colostomy Bags

"Fuck it, I'm taking the Italians." Also, we're lucky Autopick sucks, as Scrappy passed on Marc Gasol for a pretty damn ultimate FT punt team. Bogut was a little early too, as you can see in the next round, drafting injurious big men was apparently Oliver Thriller's gameplan. Dan B gets the rookie shaft again.

Round 5
1.	Blake Griffin (LAC - PF)	Colostomy Bags
2.	Darren Collison (Ind - PG)	Purple Paupers
3.	Carlos Boozer (Chi - PF,C)	Tony Danza's Boshmen
4.	Mo Williams (Cle - PG)	Black Belt In Crotty
5.	Marcus Camby (Por - PF,C)	Scrappy Coco
6.	Jason Richardson (Pho - SG,SF)	Rondo's Jump Shot
7.	Kevin Martin (Hou - SG)	Zombie KY Colonels
8.	Troy Murphy (NJ - PF,C)	Stockton to Ostertag
9.	Andrew Bynum (LAL - C)	Oliver Thriller
10.	Aaron Brooks (Hou - PG)	Epitome of Sadness
11.	Andray Blatche (Was - PF,C)	AHL's Hedo Nightmare
12.	Devin Harris (NJ - PG)	Free Mario!

Way too early for Griffin. I dunno if this was the right round to be reaching for injured stars to help the March/April games, so I'm just going to label them all red and let Lady Luck sort it out.

Round 6
1.	Chris Kaman (LAC - C)	Free Mario!
2.	Channing Frye (Pho - PF,C)	AHL's Hedo Nightmare
3.	Antawn Jamison (Cle - SF,PF)	Epitome of Sadness
4.	Yao Ming (Hou - C)	Oliver Thriller
5.	Raymond Felton (NY - PG,SG)	Stockton to Ostertag
6.	Hedo Turkoglu (Pho - SG,SF)	Zombie KY Colonels
7.	Kevin Garnett (Bos - PF)	Rondo's Jump Shot
8.	Baron Davis (LAC - PG)	Scrappy Coco
9.	Luis Scola (Hou - PF,C)	Black Belt In Crotty
10.	Ray Allen (Bos - SG)	Tony Danza's Boshmen
11.	Jeff Green (OKC - SF,PF)	Purple Paupers
12.	Jason Terry (Dal - PG,SG)	Colostomy Bags

I let the clock run down to 5 seconds or less on this one, as the crowd was egging me on to actually take Hedo, and I was considering it after Aaron Brooks was heartlessly stolen right before me. But alas, I chose my Arizona alum instead, drawing sighs of "ohh, so close!". I was considering grabbing Jeff Green this round too, and seeing him drop all the way to 11th pick was bittersweet. Another injurous center for Oliver Thriller, and honestly look at poor Dan B's team now.

Round 7
1.	Jamal Crawford (Atl - PG,SG)	Colostomy Bags
2.	Anthony Randolph (NY - PF,C)	Purple Paupers
3.	Luol Deng (Chi - SF)	Tony Danza's Boshmen
4.	Andrei Kirilenko (Uta - SF,PF)	Black Belt In Crotty
5.	Paul Millsap (Uta - PF)	Scrappy Coco
6.	Marcus Thornton (NO - SG)	Rondo's Jump Shot
7.	John Salmons (Mil - SG,SF)	Zombie KY Colonels
8.	Gilbert Arenas (Was - PG,SG)	Stockton to Ostertag
9.	Anderson Varejao (Cle - PF,C)	Oliver Thriller
10.	Trevor Ariza (NO - SG,SF)	Epitome of Sadness
11.	O.J. Mayo (Mem - SG)	AHL's Hedo Nightmare
12.	Brandon Jennings (Mil - PG)	Free Mario!

Lou Wolding goes either way too early or way too late, whether you believe the hype of his 3-pt shot with his much improved teammates. As for me, I totally biff the pick, getting lured by the "best available" scent, but completely useless player for my team strategy. Pretty sad that I was even willing to take Ariza here.

Round 8
1.	Eric Gordon (LAC - SG)	Free Mario!
2.	Caron Butler (Dal - SG,SF)	AHL's Hedo Nightmare
3.	Rashard Lewis (Orl - SF,PF)	Epitome of Sadness
4.	Shawn Marion (Dal - SF,PF)	Oliver Thriller
5.	Jrue Holiday (Phi - PG)	Stockton to Ostertag
6.	Corey Maggette (Mil - SF,PF)	Zombie KY Colonels
7.	J.J. Hickson (Cle - PF,C)	Rondo's Jump Shot
8.	Samuel Dalembert (Sac - C)	Scrappy Coco
9.	Greg Oden (Por - C)	Black Belt In Crotty
10.	Vince Carter (Orl - SG,SF)	Tony Danza's Boshmen
11.	Roy Hibbert (Ind - C)	Purple Paupers
12.	Elton Brand (Phi - PF,C)	Colostomy Bags

Another biff. I really needed a backup point guard, and having forgot Jrue Holiday I went with the stack on 3pt and PTS. I mean, aside from that, look at everyone else drafted this round. Ugh. I'm just going to give every non-Hibbert Center a red tag because I'm more likely to be right than wrong. Vince gets a special purple tag because he's still a raptor in my heart. And also we just need to all watch this again, thank you Dan B.

Round 9
1.	Drew Gooden (Mil - PF,C)	Colostomy Bags
2.	Tyrus Thomas (Cha - PF)	Purple Paupers
3.	Andris Biedrins (GS - C)	Tony Danza's Boshmen
4.	Jameer Nelson (Orl - PG)	Black Belt In Crotty
5.	Carl Landry (Sac - SF,PF)	Scrappy Coco
6.	JaVale McGee (Was - PF,C)	Rondo's Jump Shot
7.	Robin Lopez (Pho - PF,C)	Zombie KY Colonels
8.	Lamar Odom (LAL - SF,PF)	Stockton to Ostertag
9.	Louis Williams (Phi - PG,SG)	Oliver Thriller
10.	Emeka Okafor (NO - C)	Epitome of Sadness
11.	Anthony Morrow (NJ - SG,SF)	AHL's Hedo Nightmare
12.	Mehmet Okur (Uta - C)	Free Mario!

And there goes Lou right before my eyes. Here's hoping Morrow can up his steals totals this season! Maybe Okur could have fit my team better...

Round 10
1.	Al Harrington (Den - PF,C)	Free Mario!
2.	Nicolas Batum (Por - SG,SF)	AHL's Hedo Nightmare
3.	Michael Beasley (Min - PF)	Epitome of Sadness
4.	Dorell Wright (GS - SG,SF)	Oliver Thriller
5.	Mike Miller (Mia - SG,SF)	Stockton to Ostertag
6.	J.R. Smith (Den - SG,SF)	Zombie KY Colonels
7.	Andre Miller (Por - PG)	Rondo's Jump Shot
8.	Tony Parker (SA - PG)	Scrappy Coco
9.	Ben Gordon (Det - SG)	Black Belt In Crotty
10.	Brendan Haywood (Dal - C)	Tony Danza's Boshmen
11.	Rodney Stuckey (Det - PG,SG)	Purple Paupers
12.	Jarrett Jack (Tor - PG,SG)	Colostomy Bags

I got a lot of praise for snagging Batum this freaking late (110), I mean after all he's projected with a 2.8 V12 in SCHOENE, ranking him 42. Otherwise, this is getting pretty grim pretty quickly.

Round 11
1.	Evan Turner (Phi - SG,SF)	Colostomy Bags
2.	Mike Conley (Mem - PG)	Purple Paupers
3.	Taj Gibson (Chi - PF)	Tony Danza's Boshmen
4.	Ron Artest (LAL - SG,SF)	Black Belt In Crotty
5.	Beno Udrih (Sac - PG)	Scrappy Coco
6.	Leandro Barbosa (Tor - PG,SG)	Rondo's Jump Shot
7.	Boris Diaw (Cha - SF,PF)	Zombie KY Colonels
8.	Reggie Williams (GS - SG,SF)	Stockton to Ostertag
9.	Jamario Moon (Cle - SF)	Oliver Thriller
10.	Jose Calderon (Tor - PG)	Epitome of Sadness
11.	Amir Johnson (Tor - PF)	AHL's Hedo Nightmare
12.	George Hill (SA - PG,SG)	Free Mario!

Yes, I was even waiting on Jose Calderon. Somehow Reggie Williams is stolen from me in every draft. I think too many people know how to sort by per-minute production. Evan Turner isn't even worth drafting, with his disappointing pre-season showing. I'm going to give myself a pat for stealing Amir "the replacement Bosh" Johnson, but I think he might single-handidly sink my PF category. Boris Diaw gets an F for Fat.

Round 12
1.	DeMar DeRozan (Tor - SG,SF)	Free Mario!
2.	Wilson Chandler (NY - SF,PF)	AHL's Hedo Nightmare
3.	Thaddeus Young (Phi - SF,PF)	Epitome of Sadness
4.	Rodrigue Beaubois (Dal - PG,SG)	Oliver Thriller
5.	Terrence Williams (NJ - SG,SF)	Stockton to Ostertag
6.	Tiago Splitter (SA - SF,PF,C)	Zombie KY Colonels
7.	Linas Kleiza (Tor - SG,SF)	Rondo's Jump Shot
8.	D.J. Augustin (Cha - PG)	Scrappy Coco
9.	Brad Miller (Hou - C)	Black Belt In Crotty
10.	Chris Andersen (Den - PF,C)	Tony Danza's Boshmen
11.	Luke Ridnour (Min - PG)	Purple Paupers
12.	Jason Thompson (Sac - PF,C)	Colostomy Bags

As a recipient of the YES network on my standard cable, I can guarantee that Terrence Williams is straight up both awful in real life and fantasy. However, Wilson Chandler, while pretty horrible in person, is actually a quietly good defensive stats contributor, so I shall toot my own horn. My quest towards the punt assist team turned out pretty successful, despite starting with Deron Williams.

Round 13
1.	Derrick Favors (NJ - PF)	Colostomy Bags
2.	Wesley Johnson (Min - SF)	Purple Paupers
3.	Grant Hill (Pho - SG,SF)	Tony Danza's Boshmen
4.	Hakim Warrick (Pho - SF,PF)	Black Belt In Crotty
5.	Shane Battier (Hou - SF)	Scrappy Coco
6.	Omri Casspi (Sac - SG,SF)	Rondo's Jump Shot
7.	Darko Milicic (Min - PF,C)	Zombie KY Colonels
8.	Serge Ibaka (OKC - C)	Stockton to Ostertag
9.	Ronnie Brewer (Chi - SG,SF)	Oliver Thriller
10.	Charlie Villanueva (Det - PF)	Epitome of Sadness
11.	Mike Bibby (Atl - PG)	AHL's Hedo Nightmare
12.	Tracy McGrady (Det - SG,SF)	Free Mario!

This was the greatest draft round in the history of draft rounds. Just look at that Basketbawful masterpiece. We were all rooting for Free Mario to make an epic draft pick and boy did he deliver beautifully. I'm so proud of you guys.


- AnacondaHL

Labels: anal rampage, fantasy sports, Tracy McGrady

During a recent interview with Pistons.com, Tracy McGrady let the world in on a little secret: Tracy McGrady is back. No, really.

"I feel good -- I feel really good. What I can tell you is the stuff I'm doing now, I couldn't do that when I was playing for New York. I'm going to surprise a lot of people. What people saw in New York, if that's the type of player they think I'm going to be, man, they've got another [sic] think coming."

What people saw in New York was an aging volume shooter with diminishing physical skills who couldn't come to grips with his basketball mortality. Whew. I'm sure glad we won't be seeing that this season.

"I'm so used to going 100 miles an hour in the offseason. I came in here the first day and worked out with [Strength and conditioning coach Arnie Kander] and I looked at him after the workout and said, 'Is that it?' He said, 'Yeah, that's all you need.' I'm like, what? I'm used to coming into training camp in tip-top shape. He said, 'We don't want you coming in in tip-top shape -- we're going to use camp to get you in that type of shape.' It made sense. He said if you come to camp in tip-top shape, your body is going to break down (eventually). I never really thought of it like that."

So the Knee-Mac injury mystery has finally been solved: He was in too good a shape. His body simply couldn't handle being in such good shape. Because when your body is in tip-top shape, it breaks down. Remember how that used to happen to Michael Jordan all the time? And how it happens to Kobe Bryant. Hey, wait...

"I don't care if I don't make the All-Star team."

That's a relief. Because I think he's suffered enough crippling disappointments, don't you?

"What I'm saying is I want to get back to that caliber of player that I know I can be, that elevates the team, that gets the team to the playoffs."

Can McGrady get back to being the kind of player who leads his team to a first round playoff elimination? I don't know about you, but I believe he can.

"There's no question [I get back to being an elite player]. There is no question. Yes, because my body feels good. I'm in great shape. I'm in better shape than I've been in for the last three years. I'm a lot leaner. I'm telling you, a lot of people are going to be shocked. That's all I've got to say."

I look forward to being shocked, Tracy.

Labels: Tracy McGrady

Wise men once said, hard work often pays off after time,but laziness always pays off now. Just ask Knee-Mac.
Tracy McGrady to WDFN in Detroit (via TrueHoop):

"It's tough to play 82 games balls out. It's tough to do that. When I say that, yeah I get criticized. Basketball players know there's a lot of truth to that. I know it's not the right thing to say. I don't care what people think of it. It's the truth if you play basketball."

McGrady has finally admitted he doesn't go balls out for 82 games? No shit. Hell, Knee-Mac never even played a full 82 games to go balls out in. So, yeah, not exactly surprised here.

As for the sentiment, well, I have a feeling I know how guys like Larry, Magic and Michael would respond to what Tracy said...

Labels: Demotivation, Tracy McGrady

"Hey Baron, need a hand(job)?"
So, just four games into his career as a Bullet, and Josh Howard has torn his ACL and is out for the rest of the season. I can only assume he's currently furiously scouring the phone book looking for a shady doctor to hook him up with medicinal marijuana. Can you blame him? It takes a little while to fully recover from an ACL injury like this. The Bullets almost certainly won't pick up his $11mil option next season, so he'll be an unrestricted free agent, and who will want to spend money on an uncertain knee like this? Wait a second... this is the Bullets team. They'll probably resign him without second thought and try to find a way to give him more money.

But hey, at least his knee isn't made of bendy straws and painter's tape, unlike Tracy McGrady.

Also, we finally have definitive evidence as to exactly why the Kings suck: a decided lack of man-love! (Science!)

Worst of the Night in Pictures:

Yes, I fully realize we already posted this picture. That's not going to stop me from posting it again!!

This fan hit a halfcourt shot for $10,000. Man, even the fans can score against the Pacers.

"67 points?! Damn! I hope that's a typo..."

This boring-ass picture of Kim Hughes should help you further appreciate just how entertaining Mike Dunleavy was

I'm just going to ask it -- where the hell is Keith Hernandez?

"Man, it's weird not having to hide under this towel in embarrassment!"
Nationally Televised Games:
Lakers at Grizzlies: Sigh. If only we could hop into that Hot Tub Time Machine and go back to a month or two ago. You know, before Memphis started to stink like a college dorm room mini-fridge at the end of the year.

All The Other Games:
Hornets at Crabs: Hopefully this game does something to settle the Darren Collison vs. Chris Paul debate. (If Collison keeps it up, could he be valuable trade bait in the summer? Hard to devalue him by keeping him as a backup if he keeps performing.)

Bricks at Celtics: Oh man. Nate Robinson in a revenge game against the Bricks? Knee-Mac is already hurt again? Woo! This is almost making me forget about how old and beat up the Celtics are!

Timberwolves at Heat: I feel about as confident about the Heat in this game as I did about the Bobcats last night.

Frail Blazers at Nyets: Ugh, the Nyets. Why don't they just replace the team logo with a picture of a facepalm?

Suns at Thunder: Alright, finally a legitimately good game!

Pistons at Kings: ...And this one brings us right back down to Earth with some super sloppy basketbawful.

76ers at Warriors: Oh, hell. Well, at least we'll have some funny Don Nelson pictures to post tomorrow if we're lucky.

Labels: Bawful After Dark, Josh Howard, Tracy McGrady

You can't hide, Tyreke. We know you still play for the Kings.
It's Trade Deadline Day! All trades must be done by 3pm EST. We'll try to keep you up to date as trades happen and give you a fairly comprehensive list.

Trade Deadline Watch:
According to Marc Stein, Robert Sarver told Amar'''''e last night in closed-door meeting that Apostrophe is unlikely to be traded. Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. Excuse me while I go break something.

UPDATE: Chad Ford just tweeted: "Latest: Hearing one team is making a last-minute push for Amare. Suns source says a deal "may" happen." I hope to God the Suns aren't just messing with me again. GET THIS DEAL DONE!

Chad Ford has posted another update: "Amare is staying in Phoenix. Last minute bid failed. Sarver, Kerr, Stoudemire & agent meeting for dinner tonight to calm waters." FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK. If you hear my car starting in the garage even though the garage door is closed, don't come and rescue me.

Also per Chad Ford, a proposed trade between the Pacers and Bobcats involving T.J. Ford for D.J. Augustine and Nazr Mohammed was NOT able to be done and talks fell apart in the last hour.

Boozer-to-Miami talks happened, but the Jazz were decidedly not interested. No deal.

UPDATE: John Hollinger brings us news of a Null-Star getting moved! "Looks like Wash just got under the luxury tax and won't need Z's help to get there ... @MrMichaelLee says they're paying Sac to take McGuire"

Final Trades:
According to ESPN's Molly Qerim, "Celtics acquire Nate Robinson from Knicks for Eddie House, J.R. Giddens in 5-player trade" I don't know any more than that, but I'm going to go look at her Twitter page again just to see her background picture for a few more minutes.
UPDATE: JE Skeets passes this along: "Nate Robinson trade official: Nate and Marcus Landry for Eddie House, JR Giddens and Bill Walker"

Grizzlies get: Ronnie Brewer
Jazz get: Protected first round pick

Bricks get: Knee-Mac and Sergio Rodriguez
Rockets get: Kevin Martin, Jared Jeffries, Jordan Hill, Hilton Armstrong, and right to swap first-round picks with NYK in 2011 and New York's first-rounder in 2012 (per Chad Ford, Bricks' pick in 2011 is Top-1 protected; In 2012, Bricks' pick is Top-5 protected)
Kings get: Carl Landry, Joey Dorsey and Larry Hughes (and his expiring contract)

Bobcats get: Tyrus Thomas
Bulls get: Flip Murray, Acie Law and future 1st round pick

Bucks get: Primoz Brezec and Royal Ivey and a second-round draft pick
76ers get: Jodie Meeks and Francisco Elson

Bucks get: John Salmons, rights to swap first-round picks with Bulls (top-10 protected) Chicago gets: Hakim Warrick and Joe Alexander

Crabs get: Antawn Jamison, Bassy Telfair
Bullets get: Zydrunas Ilgauskas, rights to Emir Preldzic, 2010 first-round draft pick from Cavs and Al Thornton.
Clippers get: Drew Gooden (unknown if his weird neck beard patch thingy gets to come to LA)

Knicks get: Brian Cardinal (who apparently will be waived to make room for other trades)
Timberwolves get: "Human Victory Cigar" Darko Milicic, and cash

Blazers get: Marcus Camby
Clippers get: Travis Outlaw's injured body, Steve Blake, cash to help pay off Donald Sterling's lawsuits (To make room on the roster, the Clippers waived Ricky Davis)

Bullets get: Josh Howard, James Singleton, Quinton Ross, plus Drew Gooden (who was then traded to Clippers in another deal),
Mavericks get: Caron Butler, Brendan Haywood, DeShawn Stevenson and his crazy ass tattoos

Worst of the Night in Pictures:

"I'm getting sent to the Kings?! NOOOOOO"

"I'm getting paid to play in LA with no expectations? Allllright."

Man, there sure were a lot of examples of "Ball." last night

Teabag.

"I've got my fists clenched, so it's not gay"

Shouldn't he be in a fountain in somebody's yard spitting a stream of water?
Nationally Televised Games:
Nuggets at Crabs: This could be the first chance for us to see Antawn Jamison suit up for Cleveland. Because of course he'll be such an important game-changer unlike that LeBaron or LeBran or whatever that dude's name is.

Celtics at Lakers: Oh, damn it all.

Labels: Bawful After Dark, Tracy McGrady, trade deadline

Manlove: The gift that keeps on giving
Season's Greetings, Basketbawful readers! Since this may be my last post of the year, I present to you an early Christmas gift, which can be found at the end of the post. I love feeling such high holiday spirits! Let's get things started.

This year's Nike puppet commercials: Die in a fire.

The Memphis Grizzlies and Atlanta Hawks: Z-Bo could only help two of three categories towards 20-10-50, scoring only 10 points to go with 10 rebounds in a 97-110 loss to Atlanta. The pine riders got a chance to shine, notably Othello Hunter with 6 points, and Jason "wait am I the better player than my brother" Collins with a DNP.

The Charlotte Bobcats and Indiana Pacers: 40 free throws on the road weren't enough? Last night's 98-101 loss to Indiana set a record low 70%, which was the percentage of people watching these two teams who contemplated shoving a fork in their eyes.

Boris Diaw: Sir Vag-a-lot puts a smug smile on Suns fans' faces, submitting a 0 rebound performance in 36:02. Afterwards, he finished the entire quart of ice cream. Ugh, lets just ban any discussion on these two teams and move on.

The Toronto Raptors and Orlando Magic: The fist of Chuck Norris nods in acknowledgment (with the assumption knowing it could have done vastly superior) at Dwight Howard, who swatted away 8 Dino bucket attempts. Chris "You Got Served it is" Bosh managed to collect 6 rebounds, a 300% improvement from last night. The Magic won handily, 118-99, and no jump balls needed a redo, as the Raptors roll one step closer to being the worst defensive team in the history of the NBA. And no, I don't want to talk about Hedo's return to Orlando because he sucks and this story is stupidly forced by sports media.

The Philadelphia 76ers and Cleveland Cavaliers: The Sixers and their much awesomer revert logo kept it close with the Cavs, you know, until the end, leading to a 101-108 loss. Not much time for river-dancing in their second night of away back-to-back games (although a certain other type of dancing may appear at the end of the post). Also, apparently being a superstar means you can kick the ball off your foot, and stand on the line for a 3, it's all good.

Chris Henry: Speaking of Ohio, well, it was a valiant attempt to ride the Tiger wave, but alas we really only need one crazy car accident injury via crazy woman domestic dispute story at a time. The Bengals WR didn't get chased down by angrily swung footballs, unfortunately, as it appears he's suffered some serious injuries and is on life support. Somehow, homicide detectives are involved. Confusing holiday downer.

Sad bawful UPDATE: Reports are in, Chris Henry just died from the injuries. Like a really depressing kick in the groin. Condolences to his family, friends, and the state of Ohio.

The New Jersey Nets and Utah Jazz: Another day, another loss. If the Nets could have given me one gift, it would be 0-26. But alas, I received coal instead, as the Nyets's stone hands dropped bricks at 43.2%, while allowing the Jazz to shoot 56.3%. And while Deron Williams had more assists (14) than all NJ starters (11), everyone kept ruining their chances at lacktion by gathering minimal positive stats.

The Minnesota Timberwolves and Los Angeles Clippers: Oh Holy bawful, the stars were not brightly shining in Minneapolis, it was a night of a 120-95 smack down by the Clippers. I'll just go ahead and remind everyone that the winning team has a 36.2% club history win record. Insert discussion space here regarding if NJ or the Wolves are worse, and why Kevin Love's numbers deceptively portray him as a good player, when he is in fact, not.

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The Milwaukee Bucks and Los Angeles Lakers: The Lakers were kept in check by Ersan Ilyasova of Eskisehir, Turkey, unable to finish the ham in regulation with this .500 team. And to the Bucks, honestly, I'm not fond of the Kobe and all, but guarding him one on one for the winning shot in OT, using the exact same shot he used at the end of the 4th? Like, in a game where Kobe has 7 TOs, and again, used the exact same shot that may as well have worked just minutes prior? Don't let the cranberry sauce hit you in the ass on the way out. Of your own home. What the... see, this is what happens when you try to hard to force a theme in a basketbawful post.

The Detroit Pistons and New Orleans Hornets: The Hornets fell behind in two quarters to the short roster'd Pistons 55-42. Thankfully, things looked like old times with the Paul and West show, as the New Orleans cruised to a 95-87.Also, if anyone can explain to me why Ben Wallace is still playing in the NBA, faster than I can shotgun Mexican beer while gazing into a Steve Nash poster, please do.

The Oklahoma City Thunder and Dallas Mavericks: For their tacky bright orange shoes, called "Creamsicles" (no, really, I did not make this up) that made them look like their Turbo button was stuck. I mean this is how NBA Jam should be played anyways, and this is probably too awesome of a description for how it actually looked... maybe more like ducks with racing stripes. And since I can't really think of anything bad to say about the Mavs, here's a closeup of said shoes:

BOOM SHAKA LAKA
The Houston Rockets and Denver Nuggets: Someone must have sent George Karl a link to 82games, showing Kenyon Martin's numerical impact on defense, as he logged 43:27 MP in this 111-101 victory. In other news, Aaron Brooks is fast and Carmelo is still scoring points faster than Taiwan Apple Daily News can churn out CG Tiger videos. T-Mac played another 7 minutes for a +/- of -10 and a delicious appearance in the lacktion report: a beautiful +3 of suck. Renaldo Balkman: still crappy. I blame the Knicks.

The Washington Wizards Generals and Sacramento Kings: Dare I say it; this sorta close game was actually kinda exciting to watch? Much like the Little League World Series, or a midget boxing match, only with less crying and forged birth certificates. The crowed was definitely into it, undoubtedly motivated by dollar priced liquid courage. The ending sequence included unnecessary offensive rebounds allowed while in zone, airballs and near airballs, getting beat in transition...after an OUT OF BOUNDS, two hilariously easy/bad steals, some confusing fouls, and probably more. I can't even remember which team did what, I was just excited to be a part of it. I've had to re-write this section 4 times, because I was trying to write and watch at the same time.

Paul Westphal: chris, I know you probably couldn't hear it due to your seat location and copious amounts of dollar beer running through your veins, but your coach just told your players, courtesy ESPN WIRED: "All I ask, is you stay aggressive. Offensively, I'd rather have us attack, than doing this and what are we runnin' 'oh let's play smart', forget that. Let's attack, let's play basketball."

(Chris: Well, AnacondaHL...three offensive rebounds in the final minute, only to be nearly choked away by an inbounding foul...only to then return to boisterousness after Agent Zero's dribbling fail with 5 ticks left on the clock...ah, purple paupers vs. Generals. Indeed. Let's play basketball without a conscience, yeah.

And a few other game notes:

- I missed out on the $1 beers (I did get a $1 Sprite and a $1 lemonade) because...it only applied to FOUR beer lines in the entire building, while everyone else charged full price! So guess what, those four beer lines were as long as the list of players more fit than Oliver Miller.
- Someone on the front row was actually wearing the jersey of trillionaire Jon Brockman, and it wasn't Brockman himself!!!!!
- Speaking of painfully obscure, I saw at least two Kansas City Kings jackets (one which looked faded enough to be authentic to the era) and FOUR different pieces of Kansas City-Omaha Kings attire (all of which looked like replicas). The Association: Where Omaha Happened. Huh?!
- Someone actually wore a Gilbert Arenas Washington Bullets jersey to the game. What's next, a Canswer Vancouver Grizzlies shirt??!)
- Fabricio Oberto was chained to the bench. Sadface.
- Halftime show? Some guy with FOUR Michael Jackson marionettes attached to him. No, I am not kidding. Yes, I have photographic evidence that this really did occur/exist!
- The ESPN fan zone outside was giving away free sign blanks to use for the game...so on the suggestion of Dan B. and the encouragement of Mr. Bawful, I Sharpied in "SIGN OSTERTAG" on mine. I got a "Are you SERIOUS!?" from one arena employee, a smile from a walking food vendor, a "Hey! We SHOULD sign Ostertag!" from a regular at SactownRoyalty, and plenty of amusement on seeing people mildly intrigued by the idea - an idea core to this site's celebration of non-ideals.
- Pictures up soon for everyone to enjoy/groan/guffaw over.
- I will be at the Crabs-Kings game next week so I'm crossing my fingers for an epic non-performance by either Jawad Williams or Darnell "Lacktion" Jackson!)

The Washington Wizards's desperation: ESPN.com is hosting a contest for fan-submitted inbounds plays, with the best chosen to reportedly be used in an actual game. If you have an Insider account, I'd highly recommend the "Agent Zero 30ft Money Shot", as designed by me, since you know this is all they are capable of:


(Author's note: I shit you not, I wrote this section and made this picture well before the game, and it's almost the exact inbounds play they used, twice. By the third time they used Butler and Boykins for the 35ft Double Penetration. I am stunned and giddy how well this turned out.)

The Golden State Warriors and San Antonio Spurs: A classic Duncan game (27/15/4blk) matched an uncharacteristically low TO performance by Monta Ellis (1TO, with 35/6/5), but then again, freaking Vladimir Radmanovic started at center last night. Vlady Rady went 0-8, with 1 point in 24:40. Gregg Pops is 1 win away from 700 wins, and -247 flops away from wishing he was back in Russia as a spy.

Yao Ming: I just need to remind everyone of this, since for some reason Blizzard keeps targeting the NBA with its World of Warcraft commercials. From what I hear from folk who know mandarin, the translations are closely accurate. Yao on playing WoW:


ElfYourself: Bah Humbug. Oh wait, I mentioned something for the end of the post, right. The moment no one was waiting for: AnacondaHL's Christmas present to Basketbawful! Hit that fullscreen button, turn up the volume, and have a happy holidays.


Lacktion report: When Chris witnesses yet another trillion in person, how can he not celebrate the celestial comatose play of the Assocation's hibernators?

Crabs-Sixers: Philadelphia's Rodney Carney got hit with a brick for a +1 suck
differential in 5:24.

Jazz-Nyets: Despite one block, New Jersey's Sean Williams took a foul in 1:48 for a 1:0 Madsen-level Voskuhl.

Clippers-Wolves: Steve Novak clearly is in a serious slump, as despite recording no other stats, HE HAD A 100% SHOOTING PERCENTAGE TONIGHT FROM HENNEPIN AVENUE!!!! So Sterling and Dunleavy called on Brian Skinner to lack it up, and he did not disappoint, losing the rock once in 7:25 and adding four fouls for a +5. (This also counted as a 5:0 Voskuhl!)

Lakers-Bucks: Sasha Vujacic apparently is Phil Jackson's choice as this generation's Jud Buechler, this time enriching the defending champs with a 2.55 trillion (2:33). For Milwaukee, Kurt Thomas negated a board in 6:08 with a brick and three fouls, resulting in a 3:1 Voskuhl.

Rockets-Nuggets: Despite a Houston loss, Brian Cook and Jermaine Taylor each took a Star of Invincibility for a 35 second stint as Mario Brothers - with Taylor punching out a +2 via rejection and brick, while Cook amazingly managed to make a three!!!

Generals-Kings: At $1 Beer Night, Jon Brockman had gotten enough non-contributory time in the first half to potentially buy himself 1.1 trillion (1:08) brews! Given that he didn't play at all afterwards, he probably could have survived the massive lines and gotten himself at least one cup of cheer before the end-of-halftime deadline.

Spurs-Warriors: Malik Hairston popped a wheelie on Excite Bike for a 39 second Mario! Meanwhile, Nellieball put Chris Hunter's name on the list again, with a +2 via rejection and brick in 2:34. Vladimir Radmanovic made a free throw and a board to avoid a sucky score as the Warriors' starting center, only to litter his 24:40 stint with 3 fouls, 2 rejections, 2 turnovers, and a stunning 9 bricks (4 from Lake Merritt and 1 from the charity stripe) for a 5:2 Voskuhl.

Labels: Creamsicles, ElfYourself, Ersan Ilyasova, Tracy McGrady, World of Warcraft, Worst of the Night, Yao Ming