Today's word is derived from:

Logo /loh-goh/noun: a graphic mark or emblem commonly used by commercial enterprises, organizations and even individuals to aid and promote instant public recognition.

and

Ludicrous / lud eh krus / adjective: causing laughter because of absurdity; provoking or deserving derision; ridiculous; laughable

Given the absence of fun pre-season NBA stuff to talk about, you might be all too familiar with other silly subjects that make gigantic online waves these days (according to Yahoo anyway). Feel free to check out the article discussing the controversy over the logo created by Jonathan Mak, a design Student in Hong Kong, to pay tribute to Steve Jobs after Jobs stepped down from his post at Apple. Or just read on, because I think that last sentence pretty much explains what you need to know.

From there, I illustrate today's word in a poem:

Logocrous

There once was a young man named Mak,
Who made a logo derived from a Mac,
In the apple he’d style,
A real famous profile,
And that, he figured, was that.



Soon the famous man passed away,
Leaving news outlets in need of mass play,
They found Mak's pic online,
Thought it was fine,
And felt it had something to say.

Many thought it was more than just cute,
In fact a stirring tribute,
Round the world it went,
Everywhere sent,
And for Mak it became a big hoot.

Then came the news that another had created,
The same logo, but earlier dated,



The design world was rocked,
Utterly shocked,
And Mr. Mak was roundly berated.

But before we get angry at Mak,
Consider the following tack,
The logo existed,
Before either man twisted,
The image for their own special knack.

You see, the easiest way to design,
Is to take something that was already fine,
Then add a bit here,
Subtract a bit there,
And pretend you’ve turned water to wine.

Hey, their skills are worthy of mention,
But they don’t deserve all this attention,
They flat out copied a logo,
A design trailblazer no-no,
So on praise I shall take an abstention.

But if thieving from Apple were a crime,
Bill Gates would be doing hard time,
Amidst all the fuss and regret,
It’s easy to forget,
About the loss of a talent sublime.

Seeing how I fancy myself a creative type, I decided to "design" my own stolen-logo post-mortem dedication – to basketball. No, that isn’t Steve Jobs in the ball. Thanks a lot, David Stern. The wrong design element of this picture is a withering corpse.



October 18 Update: From Anonymous: "It would look better if he was holding Sterns severed head" I'd want to remain anonymous saying something like that too. But hey, it's getting close to Halloween, so...

Labels: David Stern, Logo, Logocrous, Macintosh, NBA Logo, Steve Jobs, tribute

Top ten things David Stern is doing instead of working on a new CBA:

Number 10: Getting offended by Chinese jokes on Basketbawful

Number 9: Counting money

Number 8: Calling Larry and Magic to inquire about a 17th reunion tour. Getting a dismissive dial tone from both.

Number 7: Calling Disneyworld's animatronic imagination engineers (or "animagineers") about hand-waving wax versions of Larry and Magic to appear with him at all public appearances.

Number 6: Calling Disneyworld's cryogenic department to determine if Larry and Magic's actual corpses could be used.

Number 5: Calling a hitman to inquire if he could "make his Larry / Magic fantasy happen sooner rather than later."

Number 4: Answering questions asked of him by the FBI agents at his door.

Number 3: Calling hitman to see if he "does Feds." Hit man asks if he means Kevin Federline, quickly says he will do it for free, and hangs up. Kevin Federline found dead next day.

Number 2: Playing golf with Kyrie Irving and Jimmer Fredette. Asking them if they feel up to being the "new faces of the NBA." Giving each a copy of When the Game was Ours, signed by him.

And the number one thing David Stern is doing instead of working on a new CBA:

Nuthin.

Labels: cba, David Stern, top ten

The Redeem Team, besides that whole "restoring American basketball dominance" thing, proved to be excellent ambassadors during their stay in Beijing. I bet David Stern couldn't have been happier unless there were two of him. (Not an implausible notion, and it would explain a lot, but I digress.) Still, the overwhelmingly positive Olympic experience reminded me that there have been other not-so-great moments in NBA international relations. To wit:

On February 28, 2001, the Sacramento Kings visited the Golden State Warriors and ran way with a 122-101 victory. But what they won on the court was soon lost in the ensuing public relations nightmare: Sacramento point guard Jason Williams had gotten into a shouting match with some fans during the game. A particularly nasty shouting match.

The fracas started when a man named Michael Ching, who was sitting behind the Kings' bench, told Williams to "Get used to sitting on the bench." White Chocolate, known far and wide for his clever eloquence, responded with: "Are you gay? Are you a fag?"

Since it was entirely possible that Ching did not, in fact, prefer penis over vagina, Williams moved on to the next best thing -- racial epithets! -- calling Ching a "slant-eyed [bleep-bleeper]" and and saying that "I will shoot all you Asian [bleep-bleepers]. Do you remember the Vietnam War? I'll kill y'all just like that. Just like Pearl Harbor, do you remember that?" Then, to underscore his rather statement (which was rather dubious, historically speaking), Williams pantomimed shooting a machine gun at Ching and even made machine gun sounds with his silly mouth.

Unbelievably, the immediate followup to this confrontation was a visit from an arena security guard, who threatened to remove Ching and his friends from the game, claiming complaints had been made against Ching for the incident. Understandably outraged, Ching demanded to speak with someone from the Warriors' front office. He had to wait until the end of the game, but he finally got to speak with Robert Rowell, the Warriors' vice-president of Business Operations. Rowell promised that "something would be done."

Unsatisfied with that rather vague resolution, Ching wrote a letter about the incident and mailed it to Warriors owner Chris Cohan, general manager Garry St. Jean and Rowell; Kings owners Joe and Gavin Maloof; and NBA commission David Stern and deputy commissioner Russ Granik.

More than a week passed before Rowell got back to Ching. I bet Ching was expecting some sort of heartfelt apology. What he got instead was a stern reprimand for sending out the letter. According to Ching: "[Rowell] said, 'You know I don't appreciate you doing this, going to all this stuff."

Meanwhile, the story had hit the press...and Williams was completely unrepentant. "People say all types of things to me, curse words, talk about weed, everything. They can get personal with me, but I can't get personal with them, I guess. Hopefully, I'll learn my lesson one of these times."

Sounds like he learned a lot, huh?

And still no action was taken by the NBA front office. I know it seems hard to believe, since we live in an era in which players are punished for standing up off of the bench and Kobe Bryant has been suspended twice for accidentally smacking people in the face during jump shots, but it's true. Another week passed before the league finally took action, fining Williams $15,000. In response to the fine, Williams issued a written statement with a canned apology that was dripping with sincerity: "I did not intend any disrespect to the Asian community or any other community. I was wrong and I apologize."

Somewhat ironically, this incident caused Nike to cancel a Williams-centric advertising campaign which would have digitally altered the color of Williams' skin from white to black. (Said Nike spokesman Scott Reames: "The premise is that there's no black basketball and no white basketball. Jason's point is, 'I play basketball; it doesn't matter what color my skin is.'") Nike, of course, claimed that the decision was made before the Ching controversy. That's Nike for you.

It's unknown whether the league forced Williams to attend a diversity training workshop, but rumor has it that Shaq left a message with his agent that said: "Tell Jason, 'ching-chong-yang-wah-ah-soh.'"

Labels: Classic quotology, David Stern, international relations, Jason Williams, Nike

Trent Tucker Rule (trent tuk'-uhr rool) noun. The NBA rule that disallows any standard shot (specifically a "catch and shoot" attempt) to be taken if the ball is put into play with less than three-tenths of a second left on the game clock.

Usage example: There's only one-tenth of a second left. According to the Trent Tucker Rule, that means there isn't enough time left to catch the ball and shoot it.

Word history: Most astute NBA fans are aware of this rule, but there are still plenty of people who don't know why it was originally created. The rule was conceived (although nobody knew it at the time) on January 15, 1990 during a game between the Chicago Bulls and New York Knicks at Madison Square Garden. The score was tied at 106 with one-tenth of a second left in regulation and the Knicks had possession of the ball. During a time-out called by the Knicks, both teams prepared for the (seemingly) inevitable final play: An alley-oop lob pass to Patrick Ewing.

Knicks coach Stu Jackson designed the play so that Trent Tucker would act as a decoy to draw Michael Jordan out to the perimeter and open up a lane for Patrick Ewing to receive the pass. But according to Tucker: "Michael read the play, which took away our number one option. We really didn't have a number two option because we were (only) one-tenth of a second, and we didn't have a lot of time."

When play resumed, Mark Jackson -- who was inbounding the ball for New York -- saw that the Bulls had the play covered, so he inbounded the ball to Tucker, the only open player. Tucker turned and hit a three-pointer at the buzzer, propelling the Knicks to a 109-106 victory. This is how Tucker described the final play: "Mark gave me a flip, and I shot the ball as quickly as I could. Scottie Pippen's hand met my hand as the ball left. When it went in, the Garden went crazy and we took off of the court. Phil Jackson (the Bulls' coach) was waving, 'No way, no basket.' We ran to the locker room, undressed as quickly as we could and got into the shower to make sure that they (the officials) wouldn't call us back on the floor. In our minds, the game is over."

It wasn't over for the Bulls, though. Phil Jackson, typically, was incensed. He argued vehemently that it was impossible to get a shot off in that amount of time. "A second or two, maybe. But in one-tenth of a second it can't be done. You can't shoot a shot in that time. The officials are still getting adjusted to the tenths of a second.'' Then, in true Zing Master style, he put in a final jab: "It was a judgment call. They just got a friendly call and let's leave it at that." Ah, the more things change, the more they don't...

Anyway, Jackson and the Bulls decided not to just "leave it at that." They filed an official protest with the NBA -- which cost them $1,500, by the way -- in an attempt to have the shot overturned. Had they won the protest, the teams would have had to replay the final tenth of a second and (if necessary) play one or more overtime periods to conclude the game.

It didn't matter. NBA commissioner David Stern denied their appeal. (Come on...he's always been a New York guy!) Stern admitted that Tucker's shot came well after time had expired but said that, according to league rules, the commissioner can uphold a protest only in cases in which a playing rule has been violated or misapplied. But in the case of the game in question, Stern "pointed out with legalistic exactitude" that no rules were violated; the officials simply started the clock too late, giving Tucker the time he needed to attempt the shot.

Said the Commish: "The question before me is not whether Trent Tucker received Mark Jackson's pass and released his shot within one-tenth of second. Plainly, he did not. The question presented by Chicago's protest, rather, is whether the referees' failure to disallow Tucker's shot constitutes a sufficient basis for overturning the result of the game. The NBA has consistently denied protest based on errors in judgment by the game officials." Again, the more things change, the more they don't...

Even though he slapped down the Bulls' protest, Stern announced that from that point forward, if the ball is put into play with less than three-tenths of a second on the clock, "any shot other than a tip-in or an alley-oop must be disallowed." And thus the Trent Tucker Rule was born.

But the new rule could not erase Tucker's accomplishment. Or his joy over it. "It's the greatest shot I ever made. I just caught the ball and flung it. When the ball left my hands, I knew it was on target. What I didn't know was whether it had the distance. When it went in, I thought to myself, 'not bad for a guy who was supposed to be a decoy on the play."

Further reading: The official NBA rulebook states that: "NO LESS THAN :00.3 must expire on the game clock when a player secures possession of an inbounds pass and then attempts a field goal. If less than :00.3 expires in such a situation, the timer will be instructed to deduct AT LEAST :00.3 from the game clock. If less than :00.3 remain on the game clock when this situation occurs, the period is over, and the field goal attempt will be disallowed immediately whether successful or unsuccessful." You can read more if you follow the link, but that's the gist of it. You can also go to Hoopedia for a detailed description of how the rule is implemented.

Update! Mighty Science, with help from Jason Kapono and his beautiful hair, has proven that it is in fact possible to catch and shoot with less than three-tenths of a second. And here's the video to prove it. (But don't expect a rule change any time soon.) Thanks to Basketbawful reader herman for the link.

Labels: buzzer beaters, Chicago Bulls, David Stern, NBA History, NBA rules, New York Knicks, Phil Jackson, trent tucker, Word of the Day

Avery Johnson: The Little General has made many mistakes during his stewardship of the Mavericks. But his biggest mistake this season was pulling a "plug and play" after the team traded for Jason Kidd. Despite having one of the best passing point guards in the history of the league, not to mention one of the game's best transition players, Avery continued to run the same one-on-one, isolation-heavy offense he'd already been using. That's hardly the way to take advantage of a player like Kidd.

And while you all know I'm not a fan of advanced stats, Kidd's usage rate with Dallas (16.1) was easily a career-low (his career average is 21.0). Kidd is at his most valuable when the ball is in his hands, yet Avery's rather one-dimensional offense didn't put the ball there. Now, I realize it's not easy for a coach to change his team's offensive style on the fly, but I never got the feeling that Avery tried all that hard to do so. Nor am I confident that he can do so. His schemes look like a modified version of Nellie Ball with a little more discipline and (at times) a lot more defense. I'm not sure he knows any other way. I'm also not sure he should be given a chance to find out. It's time to move on.

Erick Dampier: The big lug played only seven minutes, recording 1 missed shot and 1 personal foul. Note that Ericka didn't grab a single rebound while he was on the floor. To put that into perspective, little Tyronn Lue played only 57 seconds, and even he grabbed a rebound. This seems as good a time as any to remind you all that Mark Cuban utilized the money he refused to pay Steve Nash to buy Dampier back in the summer of 2004. The chain reaction of that one event led the Mavericks to up on the young and up-and-coming Devin Harris and mortgage their future on the old and down-and-going Jason Kidd. Good call, Cubes.

Jerry Stackhouse: A few days after blasting Coach of the Year Byron Scott and saying he "was about ready to" beat up Scott during the second game of the series, Jerry blew his stack (get it?!) at the worst possible time. With 1:47 left and the Mavericks trying to claw their way back into the game, Stackhouse picked up his second technical foul for slapping the ball out of Chris Paul's hands well after play had been stopped. Yet another reason you can never totally believe in a team that's relying on Jerry Stackhouse for veteran leadership. Here's the video, courtesy of Odenized:


Josh Howard: He completed a disappointing series by scoring only 12 points on 6-for-14 shooting and tying Stackhouse with a team-high 3 turnovers. And like it or not, his poor performance will always be linked to his admission of marijuana use. But at least he'll be very relaxed about it during the offseason.

Hilton Armstrong: From Basketbawful reader Justin T. "Not only does he have the neck of a giraffe, but tonight, Hilton Armstrong achieved the always noteworthy three trillion. For those about to suck...Weeee saluuuuteeee yooouuuu!!" Does Hilton really have the neck of a giraffe? You be the judge.

Peja Stojakovic: Sacramento Era flashback!! Peja shot 2-for-12 in an elimination game. Somewhere Chris Webber is nodding his head and saying, "Yup, that's what I thought."

Samuel Dalembert: Dear merciful Zeus! Did Sam lose a bet or something? Why else would he knowingly make a damned fool of himself like this during the playoffs? Dalembert showed up for Game 5 in Detroit with a wide mohawk and the words "SD" cut into the side of his head. And those initials don't represent his name, either; they stand for "Strong Defense." Seriously. The Great Hair Adventure must have acted like a game-long stat curse, because Sam's man, Rasheed Wallace, scored 19 points on 8-for-12 shooting. Here's a new suggestion for the "SD": Silly Dumbass.


Willie Green: Not only did he shoot 3-for-10, it was his barber that carved the abomination on top of Dalembert's poor head. So if you live in Philadelphia and are about to get a haircut, make sure you aren't using Willie Green's barber before you let him trim a single hair.

The Philly defense: Apparently the Sixers watched an instruction video on defense by the Denver Nuggets prior to last night's game: Detroit shot a blistering 58 percent from the field. Too bad the Piston's hot shooting didn't burn the rest of the hair off of Dalembert's head.

Mike D'Antoni: This is from Basketbawful reader Andrei. "If anyone had any doubts about how incompetent Mike D'Antoni is, it should have evaporated tonight. I just caught one of those 'wired' segments and they showed D'Antoni kidding around with Tim Duncan in the first part of the segment. Would you ever see Popovich kidding around with the other team's star in an elimination game? This of course was followed by the capper: As Gordan Giricek runs into the game, D'Antoni tells him: 'Ugh...you guard Oberto, alright? Keep him off the boards.' Sounded like he was guessing and also asking Goran f***ing Giricek to rebound, good stuff. Also, sticking with Shaq as he clanks free throw after free throw was good too."

Remember early in the season when D'Antoni freaked the hell out over a few extra timeouts called by Phil Jackson? In retrospect, that's when Mikey Boy lost me. We all know about Phil Jackson and his stupid head games, but letting D'Antoni let Jax get to him in the late stages of a meaningless, early-season game. That's hardly the mark of a coach who can instill calm and confidence in his team.

He got mind-banged by Gregg Popovich all series long. Actually, Pop has checkemated him for the last four seasons. I really and truly appreciate what D'Antoni brought to the Suns -- fun, run, and winning -- but, as with Avery Johnson, it's well past time to try something new.

(Also, no offense to Grant Hill, but it's pretty obvious now that Boris Diaw would have been a much bigger asset throughout the season had he been the starter instead of the reserve. Yeah, it's 20/20 hindsight, but the coach probably should have noticed that. Plus, had Grant played fewer minutes, he might have been healthy for the playoffs. I'm just sayin'.)

Leandro Barbosa: The Brazilian Blur shot 1-for-7 last night. Which pretty much sums of his up-and-down season to a T.

Steve Nash: You know you're my boy, Steve, but you cost your team last night's game. The 4-for-16 shooting -- including 1-for-6 from three-point range -- I could have lived with. But the three turnovers in the final minutes? And let's face it: Those were bad passes in heavy traffic. And they broke the team's back at a critical time.

I have consciously avoided mentioning this all season, but I'm going to talk about it now. Nash took a step back this season. It was so tiny that, to a lot of people, it was almost imperceptible. But Captain Canada transformed from a superstar MVP-candidate to merely an All-Star-level player. Don't bother checking the numbers, because the evidence isn't there. John Hollinger won't be able to really explain it to you. Honestly, it's something you have to watch, to feel. Say what you will about Nash's two MVPs, but he earned them. He was dominant and he willed his team to a lot of big wins. But there was something different about him this season.

I tried to convince myself that Nash was taking a step back so that Amare could develop into a superstar. And later I told myself he was just trying to work Shaq into the mix. But what I knew in my heart is that Steve has begun that inexorable slide that all players must go through. It happened to Larry. It happened to Michael in Washington. It happened to Charles and Karl and Hakeem. The league is tough, real tough, and Bird said it best once when he observed that, "It's hard fighting your way to the top of the pile, but it's even harder to hold your ground."

For the first time since he arrived in Phoenix, Nash really couldn't hold his ground any more. He's getting passed by the younger point guards. He's aging. His body is breaking down. Slowly, maybe, but it's happening. And it's a bummer.

The Suns' freethrow shooting: They missed an unthinkable 17 freethrows in a 5-point loss. And, naturally, Shaq was responsible for 11 of those misses (although he did start hitting them in the fourth). So, yeah, okay, maybe the loss wasn't all Nash's fault.

Officiating: Don't get me wrong. The Suns definitely deserved to lose. But there were still two calls that really pissed me off. And of course they both happened in the final five minutes. First, Duncan tripped over his own leg and would have turned the ball over...had the nearest ref not called a tripping foul on Shaq. The Big Cactus had barely brushed Duncan's leg, and it happened a full step before Duncan tripped himself up. It was a bogus call, especially considering it was a hard-fought elimination game in which a lot of contact was being let go.

The second atrocious call came a minute or so later, when Tony Parker drove to the hoop and got "fouled" by Amare Stoudemire. They showed the slow-mo replay, and Stat clearly tried to jump away from the contact, but Parker intentionally dropped like a stone and of course got the call. Revolting. Again, I'm not blaming the Suns' loss on these calls...but that doesn't make me hate them any less.

Gregg Popovich: After all his Hack-a-Shaquery in the Suns-Spurs series, I really, really hope missed freethrows come back to bite his team in the ass at some point.

Manu Ginobili and Kurt Thomas: Awful shooting: Manu was 2-for-11 and Kurt was 3-for-11. Way to come through in a big game. (Although Thomas did pull down 12 boards.)

Robert Horry: This isn't for anything Ben Gay Bob did last night, it's for the fact that -- as Basketbawful reader Lipsome123 pointed out -- Horry's Wikipedia entry feataures a photo of him aping the Duncan face. I can hardly imagine a picture more fitting.

Utah Jazz: I'm not even going to single anybody out. Everybody was equally terrible. Clearly the Jazz were suffering from a bad case of Wecanwinitathomeitis. And they probably can. But that lack of mental toughness bodes ill for them should they make it to the next round. Because the Lakers aren't taking any prisoners right now.

David Stern and the NBA: Here's an e-mail from Basketbawful reader Stephanie G. "So yeah, last year Stoudemire and Diaw got suspended for leaving the bench during an altercation and they were suspended for a critical playoff game. It's a stupid rule because it's so strict and they didn't actually do anything and they just wanted to see what was happening. But a rule's a rule, so whatever. This year, Kevin Garnett shoves a ref who is trying to restrain him and Kendrick Perkins and Marvin Williams step onto the court during an altercation in game four and the NBA doesn't suspend anyone. THE NBA IS FAAAANtastic."

And a little more from Vinny Gorgeous. "Let's not let the day go by without throwing David Stern into WotN, shall we? Regarding the non-suspensions of Perkins and Williams for Game 5: The best part of all this is that when the Suns suspensions went down last year, the media (not just the Phoenix media, either) was all over Stern asking why he couldn't show a little leniency. And his response was basically, 'The rules are the rules and there's absolutely no gray area or room for interpretation whatsoever here. Even though I'm the commissioner and thus responsible for making the rules in the first place my hands are tied.' This man is horrid. I'm a Spurs fan. I wish we could've shown we were the better team last year like we did this year, without help from the refs. But it doesn't change the fact that Stern is a flip-flopper of the highest magnitude and is capable of changing rules on a whim. I'm not saying that the walking on the court rule should be enforced, but if you're going to do it in one instance and make such a huge deal about it, you damn well better apply it to other teams as well."

Update! Yahoo caption writers: Here's some captiony fun from anne. "Hey Bawful, I was looking at the photos from the Suns/Spurs game, and noticed the caption on one of them: 'Tim Duncan #21 of the San Antonio Spurs congratulates Steve Nash #13 the Phoenix Suns after Game Five of the Western Conference Quarterfinals during the 2008 NBA Playoffs as Tony parker #9 looks on at the AT&T Center on April 29, 2008 in San Antonio, Texas.' So, just what is Timmah congratulating him for? For the five turnovers? For being incredibly good looking? (Ok that is just me doing that.)"

Labels: Avery Johnson, Dallas Mavericks, David Stern, Manu Ginobili, Philadelphia 76ers, Phoenix Suns, Steve Nash, Utah Jazz, Worst of the Night

Today's spoonful of syrupy man love was nominated by Basketbawful reader Jim in KFalls: "My suggestion for 'Thursday afternoon man love' is the caption from the Clay Bennett e-mails directed to David Stern that Henry Abbott quoted on TrueHoop." Good call, Jim. Very good call.

Here's the full text of Clay's e-mail, which shall hereafter be referred to as An Ode To My Big, Stern Man. As love poems go, it's pretty weak. Hardly anything rhymes, he disregarded iambic pentameter, and there isn't a hint of enjambment. He didn't even include any elegiac couplets. But the prose is still sugary enough to give you a cavity. Or make you violently ill. One or the other. (My vote? "Other.")

"I am concerned that you may feel I have betrayed your trust. David you know how I feel about our relationship both personally and professionally. You are among a very few, notwithstanding our relative brief actual physical time together that have significantly affected my life. I view you as a role model as an extraordinarily gifted executive, a deep and compassionate thinker, and a person with a rare and unique charisma that brings out the best in everyone you touch. You are just one of my favorite people on earth and I so cherish our relationship Sonics business aside. I would never breach your trust."

Is it possible to forward somebody a key to your hotel room over e-mail? Because if it is, Clay must have done it with this one. That one paragraph is pretty telling, though. Clay must have led a pretty sheltered life, because when you share a "relative brief actual physical time" with someone, you don't need to write them a Shakespearean sonnet. Cab fare and a smack on the ass will do. Write that down.

Update: The new graphic was the work of Basketbawful reader Stephen, who also designed the new banner. Here's the picture I originally used.

Labels: Clay Bennett, David Stern, fan submissions, man love

In 1984, Bird and the Celtics were the firstvictims of Stern's dark machinations.

As I noted in The Stern Button post, officiating controversies and conspiracy theories have dogged David Stern for the last several years. Looking back, I couldn't help but wonder when it all began. Was it the Dwyane Wade Freethrow-A-Thon in the 2006 NBA Finals? Was it when the Kings got jobbed in Game 6 of the 2002 Western Conference Finals? Was it when the Jazz got hosed in Game 6 of the 1998 NBA Finals? Was it when the Suns got 64 freethrows in Game 7 of the 1993 Western Conference Finals? Or was it the entire second half of Michael Jordan's career? Surprisingly enough, it was none of those. Turns out, the conspiracy theories started in Year 1 of the Stern Regime.

Stern was named Commissioner of the NBA on February 1, 1984. He took the helm of a league beset by fan disinterest, financial problems, and drug scandals, yet he righted the ship almost instantly. Of course, Stern had a little help from fate and circumstance. First, the 1984 NBA Finals featured a classic seven-game showdown between Larry Bird's Boston Celtics and Magic Johnson's Los Angeles Lakers. Then, over the next couple seasons, a new crop of soon-to-be superstars entered the league: Charles Barkley, Hakeem Olajuwon, John Stockton, Karl Malone, Michael Jordan, and Patrick Ewing to name a few. Further sweetening the pot was the fact that the Celtics and Lakers met in the Finals again in '85 and '87. By the time Jordan's popularity took off in the late '80s, the league was suddenly speeding headlong toward globalization.

It sure seems like Stern was the beneficiary of being in the right place at the right time. Or was he? In retrospect, the good times clearly started with the '84 Finals, which was the ignition point of the Bird/Magic Era. I was recently rewatching Game 7 of that series -- one of the best championship matchups of all time, by the way -- and I was surprised to hear Tommy Heinsohn say, "By challenging the commissioner, I think [Bird] was trying to get the refs on his side." Dick Stockton followed that cryptic statement with the following explanation: "You heard Commissioner Stern...hearsay that someone heard David Stern say that the league wanted a seven-game series, and of course Larry Bird went to town with it." [You can listen to it here; the comments start around the 2:35 mark.]

Eh? I was intrigued. Unfortunately, a simple Google search failed me, so I started poking around The Boston Globe's online archives*. On June 11, 1984, the Globe ran an article written by Dan Shaughnessy called Bird: NBA Wanted 7. After the Celtics lost Game 6, Larry Legend was pissed, but not at the Lakers or his teammates. He was steamed at the Commish.

"Stern told a fan that the NBA needed a seven-game series, that the league needed the money. When the commissioner makes a statement like that to a fan, you know it's going to be tough. When Stern makes a statement like that, things are going to happen. You just don't make statements like that and not expect anything out of it. He's the commissioner and he shouldn't be saying anything like that. The NBA wanted a seventh game because they wanted to make more money and they got their wish. There is no reason for me to lie. He said it. He's a man and he'll live up to it. He may say he said it in jest. But I'm out there trying to make a living and win a championship."

Those were some pretty strong words from Bird**. Was there any validity to the claim? It's hard to say, since Game 6 is the only game of that series I haven't seen. But I can tell you this: The Celtics were in control for most of the game, leading by four after one quarter, by six at halftime, and by 11 with 3:59 left in the third quarter. But then things turned around in a hurry, as the Lakers outscored the Celtics 46-24 the rest of the way, enjoying a 35-17 advantage*** at the line and winning 119-108 despite Bird's 28/14/8. [This information comes from the Boston Celtics 1984 Championship Official Souvenir Book.]

On June 12, 1984, the Globe ran another Shaughnessy article called Riley: Script Is Written For Lakers' Victory. It's mostly a bunch of hippe talk**** from Pat Riley, but it does give a brief follow-up to Bird's anti-Stern comments.

According to Shaughnessy: "NBA commissioner David Stern chose not to issue any statement in response to Larry Bird's charge Sunday that Stern wanted a seventh game because the league needed the money. Stern's office said the commissioner was 'unreachable,' and no one there knew his exact whereabouts. However, NBA spokesman Brian McIntyre spoke with Stern. 'David said Bird's comment is ridiculous. Like every fan in America, he has been looking forward to a seventh game. It's a dream matchup, and everybody has wanted to see a seven-game series since Day 1.'"

It's interesting that Stern chose not to confront Bird's comments head on (and what's up with the "no one knows his exact whereabouts" stuff...what, was he on Air Force 1?). It's even more interesting that he didn't fine Bird or the Celtics; these days, those comments would be worth 100K or more in fines. It wasn't at all surprising, however, that Stern dismissed Bird's claims as "ridiculous," since that's his buzz word of choice whenever any kind of criticism is leveled against him.

Was there a conspiracy? Did Stern have a little chat with the refs before Game 6 about the league's need for a seventh game? We'll never know for sure. But it is, nonetheless, a fascinating piece of historical trivia that Stern never had even a single year as NBA Commissioner without at least one officiating controversy.

* The Boston Globe charges $2.95 per archived article. That seems a little steep to me.

** Of course, this is the same guy who called his own teammates "a bunch of sissies" after the Celtics got blown out in Game 3. Then, when asked if his team had played any better in their Game 4 comeback victory, Bird said, "Yeah, we just played like a bunch of women tonight." Yikes.

*** Did the C's get a few makeup calls in Game 7? Maybe, maybe not. But they had a 51-28 freethrow advantage in that final game.

**** Going into Game 7, Riley guaranteed the Lakers would win. "It's destiny. I believe in the Fates, and I think it's our time. I think the script is written for us to win." This is the kind of motivational crap that Riley's famous (and infamous) for. It sounds brilliant when he's right, and idiotic when he's wrong. In this case, it was the latter for Riley, since the Lakers lost the game 111-102.

Labels: Boston Celtics, conspiracy theories, David Stern, fake Magic Johnson, Larry Bird, Los Angeles Lakers, NBA Finals, Tommy Heinsohn

Well, clearly Basketbawful is upset about the current state of the League of Extraordinary Non-Gentlemen. He is so upset and disappointed, in fact, that he would much rather talk about bubble gum, shooting sleeves, and plyometric devices than about how angry and upset he is about the Tim Donaghy scandal. I appreciate his point of view, and am saddened that he is so depressed by this development.

So I am here to present the Flip Side... and perhaps in the process make Basketbawful feel a little better about the state of our world.

To some, my "Flip Side" point of view is a tad off (specifically, see my borderline psychotic "Flip Side of being Tony Parker" rant in June - I think I was on mushrooms at the time). But some, if they look deep enough, will realize that I speak the pure, unfiltered truth. Let's begin:

Good Thing 1: This scandal is good for the NBA

Huh? What did he say? Is this guy nuts???

Look, I, Evil Ted, don't have the pressure of churning out daily material on this subject, so rather than first asserting that "This will be terrible for the league for years to come," and then slowly working my way over time into "Well, I guess it wasn't so bad for the league" and finally admitting a year from now that "Huh, maybe it was actually good for the league," I can just come out and say now that it will be good for the league.

Why?

It will be tougher for future officials to pull this kind of crap, because the league will learn where and how Donaghy slipped through the cracks, and better prevent future problems. Are there guarantees? No, there are no guarantees of anything, anywhere. There are only levels of awareness, and the NBA Gambling Threat Level has gone from blue to orange. I don't know exactly what orange means, but let me assure you it means there are K-9 units, FBI agents, and slam-dunking mascots scrambling around the globe.

Good Thing 2: David Stern Actually Appears to have a Clue

I listened to and read David Stern's press conference from beginning to end, fully prepared to hate everything he had to say and think he was an ignoramus. Yet, miraculously, he somewhat impressed me. Oh sure, his drab monotone and hangdog demeanor were thoroughly uninspiring, and I still despise his lottery system, but damn if he didn't say all the right things (most of the time):

Excerpts from Stern's Press Conference:

"...We educate our referees intensely. We have training camp presentations, we have brochures..."

Oh, you have brochures, David? Nobody's ever ignored a brochure. This was the weakest point, but was followed by Stern discussing the security precautions, former FBI agent led police teams, and background checks that have been going on with officials for some time. Good, good, and good.

"...In addition to [background and security checks / FBI led security teams]...we have for many years retained a consultant in Las Vegas whose job it is to inform us ...[of]...unusual movements in betting on the NBA... we're also in contact with the Nevada Gaming Board who monitors...anything that we should be concerned about...."

Getting all Ocean's Thirteen on my ass, David? Impressive. Color me impressed. And the Vegas odds that I was going to be impressed? 72 to 1. Ok, that's all good, David, but what about the bad calls that have been going on throughout the league. Have you been doing anything about that? Hmmm? Have ya?

"...Since the beginning of 2003-2004, [we have] been implementing a system that is designed to capture every call that a referee makes, and every non call that is deemed by observers to be incorrect...We have retained 30 observers, one at each of our team's games. They are in effect charting the game with respect to the calls and other observations that they make. They then review the game on tape. They then are audited, not every game, but selectively audited by the group supervisors that we have employed by the NBA."

Independent auditors checking the calls AND non-calls? Now you're getting my attention. Apparently, you do have a clue ... and here I was thinking you a complete moron. Color me still impressed. Next you're going to tell me you audit the auditors.

"And then most recently this year, we actually...do an audit on the auditors and satisfy ourselves [of] accuracy..."

GET THE FUCK OUT! This may the most soundly conceived "Cover your ass" policy ever. Why isn't this guy running homeland security? Even if you hate him, you have to admit, Stern appears to have covered his bases here. As much as I wanted to rip into Stern, I rarely found the chance. I was waiting for him to make some revelation, to admit to some bad judgment on his part that would eventually be revealed, and yet there seemed to be nothing. Now, I'm not about to get all lovey-dovey here. This was still a one-sided, heavily prepared, orchestrated press conference, but still, there were no glaring issues to have with Stern here.

And further, Stern and the league seemed to handle things well when Donaghy had a legal dispute with his neighbor in Pennsylvania. Based solely on the fact that Donaghy had an "ongoing legal dispute with his neighbors," (gambling at that point was alleged but unproven and therefore not at issue), Stern indicated that the legal trouble was "not the kind of conduct that we expected from our referees" and proceeded to pull him from working the second round of the playoffs in 2005. Strict disciplinarians might think this lame, but cynics, like myself, would have expected the NBA to sweep situations like that under the rug without a thought. They didn't.

OK, enough David Stern love. The full conference is at the link above. I suggest everyone give it a listen.

Good Thing 3: It's not a Conspiracy

By all indications thus far, this was one man doing stupid illegal things. If it proves out that this involved multiple people at different levels of the NBA, then you've got a REAL problem, and only then can we start talking about "the future of the League." Right now, the league is just fine. All Donaghy has proven is something we already knew; no matter how much security, background checking, and policing you do, you can never guarantee that a bad apple won't get into your organization.

Good Thing 4: When you think about it, it's kinda funny

As I stated in a past post, a dirty ref fit right in with the clean ones for two years. You could cut the irony with a knife. Let's forget about Donaghy - the courts and the Mob will handle his sorry ass...it's time to figure out why the other refs stink so bad...

At the very least, this scandal has forced Stern to discuss an audit system I never knew existed. It means he's paying attention, and it's almost as good as an outright admission from Stern that he realizes there's an officiating problem - Halleluia! Of course, this works out brilliantly for Stern - now he can blame bad officiating on his auditors.

And speaking of scapegoats...

Good Thing 5: The NBA gets its scapegoat

Now all the bad officiating of the past gets a face: Tim Donaghy. The NBA isn't tainted for 2008. On the contrary, it gets a fresh, clean slate. It has purged a cancer, and has a chance to make the Donaghy disaster the impetus for a better officiated league (a worse officiated league seems, frankly, inconceivable).

Good thing 6: People have short memories

I don't remember what I ate for breakfast. By the beginning of next season, the Donaghy situation will be worth a Charles Barkley two-minute rant, and we'll move on and enjoy watching basketball like we have forever.

Good Thing 7: A new Basketbawful term

Once Basketbawful manages to lift out of his doldrums, I suspect one of his first "Word of the Day" entries will be "Pulling a Donaghy" - a synonym for officiating so bad that it smells crooked. In the slammer, of course, "Pulling a Donaghy" will have an entirely different, disturbingly obscene meaning. Leave the soap on the prison house floor, Tim - I wouldn't be surprised if a former NBA player or two is rotting in the same big house, just waiting to reciprocate on a "flagrant foul" call you made in 2004.

Good Thing 8: Football season is coming

And Basketbawful's beloved Colts will be looking to defend their title. Just to make him feel better, I won't even mention of my Pats and their nicely revamped receiving corps.

Oops, just did.

Labels: David Stern, Tim Donaghy

Mark Cuban Rule (mark kyoo'-bun rool) noun. The informal name for legislation enacted by the NBA to regulate the behavior of team owners at games. The act requires owners to refrain from entering the court, taunting players or officials, and maintain a level of decorum mandated by the league.

Usage example: From Truehoop: "A month after he shut down the bidding and decided to keep the team, the NBA Board of Governors passed the "Mark Cuban Rule," meant to keep team owners off the bench, out of the huddle, and out of the referees' ears."

Word History: This term, and other variations (such as The Cuban Corollary), were coined simultaneously by various writers and bloggers after the act was passed in October of 2006. David Stern and the NBA Board of Governors decided that the act was necessary in part because Cuban had already accumulated $1,665,000 in fines through June, 2006. But more importantly, Cuban's behavior during the NBA Finals -- the league's brightest and most public stage -- was considered to be a major embarrassment.

[Hat Tip: Thanks to Henry Abbott for the reminder.]

Thanks to the Mark Cuban Rule,Mark Cuban can't do this anymore.

Labels: David Stern, Mark Cuban, Word of the Day