"Yeeeeaaaaaargh!!"
The New Jersey Nyets: Despite giving up almost 58+ percent shooting -- Cleveland's best shooting performance of the season -- the Nyets played the Crabs pretty close. But David Stern still hasn't put a "Moral Victory" column in the NBA standings, so the end result is still the same: 2-23.


If only Devin Harris had realized the kind of dystopian future he was creating when he said "We knew we were going to be a playoff team" last December. The Nyets are now 25-63 since then. Speaking of Harris...

Devin Harris: Harris is frustrated. That's obvious. I mean, players don't start jawing with the team owner during games unless they're frustrated, right? Well, the frustration seemed to get to Harris last night when -- after getting picked clean by a lumbering Shaq -- Devin clubbed Jamario Moon on a layup attempt.


Shaq, quote machine: On his role in getting things calmed down: "I just wanted to make sure nobody got into a squabble. A grab here, grab there, everywhere a grab-grab."

Fun fact: From the AP game notes: "The Cavaliers have reached a deal to sell Tsingtao, a popular Chinese beer, inside Quicken Loans Arena. The team is close to finalizing a sale of 15 percent of the franchise to Chinese investors."


The San Antonio Spurs: For years, it seemed like the Suns were destined to play "bitch" to the Spurs' "pimp hand." Well, the roles finally reversed, for one night at least. Amar''''''e Stoudemire (28 points, 14 rebounds, 3 steals) played Tim Duncan (34 and 14) to a standstill, Steve Nash (25 points, 11-for-20 13 assists) showed up Tony Parker (15 points, 4-for-11, 3 assists) and the Suns hit 61 percent of their treys (11-for-18) in a double-digit win over their former nemesis.

The real problem for the Spurs, though, was that they got Dragic'd! Goran Dragic -- dubbed Goran Tragic by this site last season -- scored a career-high 18 points (7-for-9) and hit a career-best 4-for-5 from beyond the arc. That's right: Goran Dragic shot down the Spurs. Said Timmy D: "Steve and Amare did what they do. They played well. Dragic kind of shocked us."

He shocked us all, Tim. He shocked us all.

Here's some bonus bawful from NarSARSsist:

The Spurs are showing some absolutely embarrassing examples of how not to defend the pick and roll, and it's only 10-5.

1. Nash gets a pick at the top of the arc from Frye, goes right. McDyess comes out and shows, but doesn't really get there in time. Nash ends up going right past him. Parker? He got picked off by McDyess. Fail.

2. Nash gets a pick from STAT, and drives. Duncan shows, but is blown right past. Parker takes waaaay too wide of an angle, and Nash gets a layup with nobody within 5 feet of him.

3. Nash gets a pick again from Amar'''''e from the same position. This time when he drives, Duncan decides to stay back. Parker, though, doesn't seal off the passing lane, and sticks around too close to Nash, who passes it to a freed up Sun Tzu for an open dunk.

Timeout. Clinic is open.

More clinic-ry from the Suns. Nash gets a pick from Frye up high, and Duncan retreats all the way to inside the FT line. Nash drives, Parker follows, and Nash drops it back for Frye, who hits an open 3. Seriously guys, read your scouting reports; only one guy has hit more 3s than Frye.

Gregg Popovich, tough love machine: "I thought Phoenix did a great job coming out aggressively and keeping the aggressiveness for 48 minutes. We had too many pathetic games from too many people. You can't do that against a team like Phoenix."

"Well...fuck.
The Sacramento Kings: The Sactowners were apparently so juiced about their performance through three quarters that they forgot one important little thing: basketball games are still four quarters long. By the time the Kings realized this, it was too late. The Portland M.A.S.H. unit outscored their Queenly counterparts 29-15 in the final 12 minutes to eke out a 95-88 win. Afterward, LaMarcus Aldridge accused the Kings of forgetting about him too, which might explain why he had 19 points and 8 boards in the Ail Blazers' second-half comeback.

Said Sactown coach Paul Westphal: "I'm just extremely disappointed. We did not play smart basketball in the fourth quarter. We didn't do anything we had been doing the first three quarters to get that lead." Hey Paul, remind me again, who's responsible for making sure the team plays smart basketball...?

The New York Knicks: Charlotte coach Larry Brown described his team thusly after their first three quarters against the Bricks: "acting like spoiled children trying to wish and hope our way back in the game."

Don't hold back, Larry. Tell us how you really feel?

Well, the Bobcats outscored New York 28-13 in the fourth quarter -- and 15-2 in the last 2:32 -- to win 94-87. So much for the Bricks' four-game win streak. And now it was Mike D'Antoni's chance to rip his team: "We win four in a row and we had a chance to win five. I think that's probably the most important thing in the world at that point. We didn't play like it was."

I'm won't go so far as to say "they are who we thought they were," but, you know?

Seriously, though, it was a sloppy game that neither team deserved to win. Somebody must have coated the basketball with baby oil, because the Bricks and 'Cats combined to give up 53 points off 43 turnovers. Maybe going shirts and skins would have helped keep these guys from passing to the wrong team.

Eddy Curry sighting: Fat Shaq showed up for a game, finishing with 2 points and a rebound in a six-minute stint. I now expect him to miss another 10 games or so with a sore [insert body part here].

Nate Robinson: Remember all the drama the Bricks went through about re-signing this guy? And now he can't get out of D'Antoni's doghouse. Last night was another DNP-CD for Krypto-Nate.

The Chicago Bulls: It's hard to fault the Bulls -- who really aren't any good this season -- for coming up short in a game against the defending champs. I mean, they gave one hell of an effort last night, especially Joakim Noah, who got his hands on a mind-boggling 14 offensive boards. The Lakers still have Andy Bynum and Pau Gasol, right? Those guys played, didn't they? That said, a team that shoots as badly as the Bulls do from outside -- they went 2-for-11 from downtown -- absolutely has to hit their in-close shots. Too bad Chicago went 11-for-29 on layups/tip-ins. Think about that: 18 misses right at the bucket.

The Toronto Raptors: I was asked to pass this message along:

Dear Craptors,

Thanks for giving me the fourth quarter off. It'll really help me prepare for Thursday's game against the Magic. You guys rock!

Sincerely,

Dwyane Wade

Toronto's fast-paced offense managed only 95 points on 45 percent shooting. That's not terrible, but it was the first time in seven games that the Heat managed to hold an opponent under 100 points. Past that, the Craptors' defense did their usual Dance of Fail, allowing Miami to hit 52 percent of their field goals and drop 115 points on the night. Said Jarret Jack: "When a team gets 60 in the first half, they are in a pretty good offensive rhythm. And it's tough to knock guys out of that rhythm." Oh, I dunno, Jarret. I hear "hand in the face" can help with that.

Update! AnacondaHL with some rather ugly (for the Craptors) perspective: "Raptors still holding a scintillating 115.8 DRtg. Historic Fail."

Wait, wait, wait. The Craptors have a worse defensive rating than the legendary 1990-91 Denver Nuggets?! Remember, that Nuggets squad they never -- not once in 82 games -- held an opponent under 100 points. In fact, they held an opponent under 110 points only four times. And these Craptors might be even worse defensively? I...I don't know what to say.

Note also that the Craptors were outscored 52-30 in the paint. Said Chris Bosh: "It was a key part of the game, but everybody outscores us in the paint. What makes it disappointing is we have been talking about it for so long. ... We have to take the attitude that it's not going to happen anymore. Until that happens, we are going to be a so-so team." Speaking of Bosh...

Chris Bosh: On the one hand, the RuPaul of Big Men scored a team-high 28 points (9-for-13 from the field, 10-for-11 from the line). On the other, the man he was ostensibly guarding (Michael Beasley) matched his career-high with 28 points (11-for-19). And while Beasley was snagging 11 boards, Bosh grabbed a season-low 2 rebounds in 32 minutes. Who does Chris think he is, Amar''''''e Stoudemire?!

The Detroit Pistons: Holy crap! A Knee-Mac sighting! Tracy McGrady showed up to the game last night probably expecting to shoot around, do some stretching, maybe get some treatment from the Rockets' medical staff. But after being exiled for most of the season, McGrady was in for a shock: PT.

Said Knee-Mac: "It surprised me. I went in there and talked to [coach Rick Adelman], he said he was going to play me about seven minutes and just try to work our way through this. Tonight was that night."

Of course, I'm sure it's only a coincidence that McGrady's return coincided with Trevor Ariza's one-game suspension for trying to DeCapitate DeMar DeRozen.

Maybe Knee-Mac's return inspired the Rockets, because they shot a season-high 54.7 percent from the field (including a season-best 60 percent in the first half) and Houston scored 100+ points for the first time in five games. Meanwhile, Detroit had to kind of pour it on in the fourth quarter just to reach 96 points. Of course, the Pistons are still without Ben Gordon and Tayshaun Prince. Man, if this team can ever get healthy, they might actually be dangerous. Too bad it looks like they'll never be healthy.

By the way, it was Brick-a-Palooza from beyond the arc last night, as Detroit and Houston went 6-for-37 from three-point range. You know, if you're not hitting 'em, you guys can stop shooting them. Really.

Ben Wallace: Somewhere Chris Dudley is following Big Ben's final seasons and praying that certain downward trends continue so that Wallace can earn the dubious distinction of being the Wost Free Throw Shooter in NBA History. Wallace -- who's hitting an above-average (for him) 53.7 percent at the line -- went 1-for-4 from the charity stripe last night, including two hella ugly air balls.

Rick Adelman, whining beyotch: From the ESPN NBA Rumors page:

Head coach Rick Adelman is not happy about the Rockets schedule in December and he vented Monday.

"We have a horrendous stretch here," Adelman told the Houston Chronicle. "I don't know if the league really understands that they gave us four back-to-backs. It's awful.

"And it's not just the back-to-backs. We play at home (tonight), then travel to Denver for the next one. Then the next week we play at home, then travel to Orlando for the next one. To me, it's just utterly ridiculous. But that's the schedule we have."

Adelman also is frustrated at the lack of time players and coaches will be at home around Christmas.

"I just think every team should have a chance when they're home a little bit to spend time with their families, and we have no chance," Adelman said. "This is the most ridiculous schedule I've ever seen. I wouldn't even know Christmas was coming unless someone told me, because that's all we're doing is traveling and playing games."

Gee, Rick, I'm sorry David Stern can't schedule all home games for every team in December. I'm also sorry we can't all live in the giant vagina you crawled out of. It must be fearsome to behold.

Kevin McHale, quote machine: Basketbawful reader Lucas drew my attention to McHale's proposed old-school solution to LeBron's dance of joy against the Chicago Bulls:

"If a guy was doing the Riverdance like that, coach would come over and say, 'Who's got the fewest amount of fouls of my big fellas?' " said ex-Celtic and TNT analyst Kevin McHale. "If you raised your hand, he would say, 'We will let him drive and then we will throw him on the ground.'

"When he is laying there we would say, 'Do you feel like dancing now?'

"And that pretty much solved the dancing problem."

My name is Basketbawful, and I approve this message.

Lacktion report: One last lacktion report before Chris drinks the golden nectar that is $1 beer...

Nets-Crabs: Jawad Williams earned a date with Princess Peach in just 26 seconds of courtship, scoring yet another Mario - his third in a week!!!!

Knicks-Bobcats: DJ Augustin took a singular foul for His Airness's pet project, resulting in a +1 suck differential in 10:33.

Spurs-Suns: Earl Clark used solar power to melt 2 trillion (2:02) in gold bars for Alvin Gentry!

Labels: Ben Wallace, Chicago Bulls, Cleveland Cavaliers, Detroit Pistons, Devin Harris, New Jersey Nets, New York Knicks, Sacramento Kings, Toronto Raptors, Tracy McGrady, Worst of the Night

It seems like so long ago since Devin boldly (and stupidly)proclaimed: "We knew we were going to be a playoff team."
Today's pic courtesy of Shayan from Mediocre Forever.

The New Jersey Nets: The Nets had the faintly-beating heart violently ripped out of the chest of their postseason hopes by last night's 107-78 HOME LOSS to the Milwaukee Bucks. I put "home loss" in all caps there to not only highlight the fact that the Nets were blown out by 29 points at home in a must-win game against a team that began the night 12 games below .500, but also because the defeat dropped them to 15-22 at the Izod Center this season. That gives them the second-worst home record in the Eastern Conference, ahead of only -- you guessed it! -- the Washington Wizards Generals. The Nets are now 19-36 since Devin Harris said: "We knew we were going to be a playoff team." John Hollinger's playoff odds now give them a 0.2 percent chance of making it to the second season.

Bonus bawful! The Nets shot 26-for-70 (37 percent), missed 10 free throws and finished with more turnovers (16) than assists (15). Oh, and those turnovers led to 21 bonus points for the Bucks. Furthermore, the game was never close: The Bucks went on an 18-0 run in the final 4:51 of the first quarter to take a 32-13 lead that was the mathemological equivalent of "Game Over." New Jersey has lost five in a row and nine of its last 11 games and 17 of 23 overall. Plus, they lost to a team that has itself won only five of its last 10 games. PLAYOFF RUN FAIL.

Even more bonus bawful! From the AP game recap: "The Nets futility was never more evident than early in the third quarter when Bucks center Dan Gadzuric stole the ball from Trenton Hassell under the Milwaukee basket, dribbled behind his back and dunked."

Devin Harris and Vince Carter: The dual rudders of this ship that be sinking combined to score 19 points on 6-for-22 from the field. And their combined fouls/turnovers (10) barely surpassed their total rebounds/assists (11).

The Miami Heat: They kept it close, thanks mostly to Dwyane Wade's 42-point performance, but the Heat still dropped a home game to the Magic on the night of Alonzo Mourning's jersey retirement ceremony. That cut Miami's lead over the Sixers for the fifth seed to a single game. But it gets worse: Backup point guard Luther Head broke his left hand during the game and will miss four to six weeks...which essentially means he's a scratch for the playoffs. Fun fact: The Magic have now won 12 of their last 13 matchups against the Heat.

J.J. Redick: Basketbawful reader Kaan -- who is one letter away from having the world's most awesome name (Khan or Kahn) -- said: "Hey I think J.J. Redick deserves a special WOTN award for this. He is a free soul you know. Boundaries cannot limit him. From the AP recap: 'Redick turned the ball over twice because he stood out of bounds while receiving passes for what would’ve been wide-open jumpers.'"

Superfluous and mildly deceptive stats: From the AP: "Dwight Howard scored 22 points and grabbed 18 rebounds, passing Wilt Chamberlain as the youngest NBA player to reach the 5,000-board mark. ... Howard reached the 5,000-rebound mark—he now has 5,006 -- at the age of 23 years, 112 days. Chamberlain was 25 years, 128 days old when he got his 5,000th rebound." What the writer conspicuously failed to mention was that Wilt was 23 years, 65 days old on the day of his very first NBA game...only 57 days younger than Dwight is RIGHT NOW. So, sorry, Howard may be today's Basketball Superman, but Wilt was yesterday's Basketball God.

The New York Knicks: More great defense (the Jazz shot almost 55 percent), more great ball-handling (the Knicks committed 20 turnovers for 32 points going the other way), and the 14th loss in the last 20 games. Also, the Knicks blocked 2 shots, putting their season total at 175...a full 38 behind last season's "Worst Ever For An 82-Game Season" total. Which begs the question: How did the Knicks dump Zach Randolph and become a WORSE shot-blocking team? That's like dumping your guild's "Leeroy Jenkins" and then running face-first into MORE hopeless, team-crushing battles.

And then there was...

Al Harrington: So sayeth the AP: "Al Harrington scored 24 to lead the Knicks before getting ejected with two technicals for arguing a foul call with 22 seconds left. The Knicks were down six before Harrington's tirade allowed Korver to put away the game with two free throws for the technical fouls." And mind you, those techs were called AFTER he had committed an offensive foul. Coupled with his bizarre antics against the Clippers and it seems like dude has gone straight up crazy.

The Golden State Warriors: No Stephen Jackson (scheduled to undergo season-ending surgery on his left big toe), Andris Biedrins (sprained left ankle), Corey Maggette (head contusion), Marco Belinelli (right ankle) or Brandan Wright (left shoulder). Ronny Turiaf fouled out after being called for back-to-back fouls in a 2-second span. The Warriors coughed up a 9-point fourth-quarter lead to lose 114-109 to the Memphis Grizzlies, a team that, prior to this season, they had beaten seven straight times. But last night, the Griz administered their first season sweep of the Golden Staters since 2005-06. Note also the Memphis scored 114 points (on 50 percent shooting) after being held to 66 in Portland on Saturday night. Said Don Nelson: "I'm not going to take questions because I don't want to get fined. We missed a lot of shots in the fourth quarter and they made a lot of free throws, and that's all I have to say."

Corey Maggette: Wait, what...head contusion?! Really?! According to FreeMD: "A person with a head contusion has a bruise to the head." So "Bad Porn" sat out with a bruised head? You know what that means...EPIC DOUBLE-FACEPALM.


Lacktion report: The final race to the playoffs has not in any ray reduced Chris's laction workload:

Magic-Heat: Luther Head smartly spent 9:36 on the court tonight accruing a suck differential of +5 via two bricks (one from downtown), one giveaway and two fouls.

Bucks-Nets: Damon Jones has amped up his anti-game since being left off of the All-Lacktion roster, earning a +3 in 6:08 by tossing a brick from downtown, giving the rock up once, and taking a foul.

Grizzlies-Warriors: Marco Belinelli paid tribute to a fellow Italian who is well known in the video gaming community, notching a 15-second Mario for Don Nelson's squad.

The Steel Soundtrack: From Dan B: "The other day I was browsing the bargain CDs at Half Price Book & Music Exchange. (You know it's the bargain rack when the first CD you see is Creed). And what did I see plastered above it? Yep, Shaq in a goofy-ass metal outfit. (What his picture is doing hanging out next to Joni Mitchell, I don't know.)"


My favorite part is, if you look really closely, the top of the CD says: "Music From And Inspired By The Motion Picture." As someone who was unfortunate enough to actually SEE this particular motion picture, I can assure you that the only thing it will inspire is projectile vomiting.

Update! From Wild Yams: "Ah yes, the Steel Soundtrack. I too saw that movie, and I have to say it's way up there on the unintentional comedy scale. I don't think Judd Nelson's career ever recovered after that. Speaking of Shaq's musical career, from time to time I like to go check and see what his CDs are selling for over on Amazon because it's always good for a laugh. I see now that they've all been discontinued by the manufacturer, but you can still purchase them used; and they are priced to move, with none of them selling for more than $3, and with most of them going for one penny (yes, you read that right)."

What I find most amazing is that Shaq even released The Best of Shaquille O'Neal. And if the following review isn't proof that Shaq is, in fact, writing his own Amazon.com reviews, I don't know what would be: "As my thesis for my doctorate in Music Theory, I found this album to be a priceless treasure in the history of music. Never have so many lives been touched and so many artists influenced by such a piece of work. 2Pac, Dr. Dre, Snoop Dogg, and Wu Tang all owe a debt to Shaq, the master of form and function. His arrangement of the notes and the Fu-Schnickens are incredible! He is on level with every (and I mean EVERY) classical genius in my studies." The best part: The reviewer, one blackmosesi2, supposedly hails from Salt Lake City. And I'm pretty sure it's against the law to play Shaq's music there.

The new Guitar Hero commercial: Just what I've always wanted to see: Bobby Knight in his underwear. I will now procure a spork and jam it without hesitation directly into my eyes. An exceedingly sarcastic and bitter "thanks" goes out to Evil Ted and AnacondaHL, who (presumably unintentionally) conspired to force this horror upon me not once but twice.


Todd MacCulloch, pinball wizard: Possibly the most depressing "Where Are They Now?" segment I have ever seen, and that includes the one in which Meat Loaf looked like an old, fat lesbian. Seriously, if he'd been wearing a sleeveless flannel shirt and singing something by the Indigo Girls, I would not have known it was Meat Loaf. The only Paradise by the Dashboard Lights he's seeing these days is the MoonPie he picked up at the Shell Station.

ANYway...here's the clip, from Chris via Can't Stop The Bleeding. Key quote: "I had some free time and found myself playing a lot of pinball and thinking, 'I must be sick, there must be something wrong with me, 'cause this is all I really wanna do...and it wasn't until later I realized I wasn't alone." And he's not. But, as you can see, sometimes being alone is the right choice.

Update! According to AnacondaHL: "That could have only been worse if we found some washed-up NBA player at a Magic The Gathering tournament, or playing Pixie Hollow competitively, or cosplaying the new Queen's Blade at some anime convention." Or maybe playing Pokemon with a group of 10-year-old kids he doesn't even know. But that really is about it.

Kobe Bryant: Mamba texted Todd just to tell him "Pinball sux" and then sent him a copy of the Steel Soundtrack.

Labels: Al Harrington, Corey Maggette, deceptive stats, Devin Harris, fan submissions, Golden State Warriors, J.J. Redick, Miami Heat, New Jersey Nets, New York Knicks, Vince Carter, Worst of the Night

The official 2008-09 Sacramento Kings defeat stock photo.
Thanks to Dan B. for sending in the pic.

Mindless violence: By now, most of you already know what happened to Carl Landry, but here's a quick recap in case you don't: Landry's car was sideswiped and then struck by another car. When Carl got out to inspect the damage, two men confronted him and one of them shot at him. Twice. Fortunately, he was only grazed on the left calf -- 'tis but a flesh wound! -- and so he should only miss one to three weeks of action. Look, I get the whole road rage thing. As a Chicago driver, I can't tell you how many times I've fantasized about shooting (or hanging, or electrocuting, or dropping a giant anvil on) some dude or dudette that just cut me off, but that's where it ends: In fantasy. By the way, quick quiz: Biggest douchebags on the road, BMW drivers or Mercedes drivers? Discuss.

The Sacramento Kings: After three straight near misses against the Thunder (99-98), Crabs (126-123) and Wizards Generals (106-104), Sacramento reverted to form and lost by 22 in Atlanta. Using a hybrid defensive style based on the systems employed by Doug Moe, Paul Westhead, Don Nelson and Mike D'Antoni, the Kings managed to give up 119 points on nearly 56 percent shooting. If the Hawks hadn't gotten a little careless with the ball -- they committed 19 turnovers for 29 points going the other way -- the Sactowners might have lost by 40. The defeat dropped them to 0-27 against Eastern Conference teams and 4-30 on the road this season. Said Kevin Martin: "We stopped playing together tonight, and this is happens when you play selfish basketball."

More telling, though, was this quote from Josh Smith: "We didn't want to lose to a team like Sacramento. No offense to them, but (after) beating New Orleans and Utah, teams who are on top of the Western Conference, we didn't want to let ourselves down by losing this game." Ouch.

Joe Johnson: Considering how ridiculously hot the Hawks were last night -- not to mention the fact that they were playing a patsy -- it's hard to fathom how Joe Cool shot 8-for-21 and finished with more turnovers (6) than rebounds (4) or assists (5). Maybe he didn't get a hug before the game.

Home cookin': Okay, so the Magic-Crabs game was pretty awesome and pretty intense. Too bad some lousy officiating spoiled the ending. LeBron had just put the Crabs up 95-93 with a clutch three-pointer -- in front of the Orlando bench, no less -- but the Magic were denied a chance to tie it up when Dwight Howard was called for...a three-second violation. Cleveland ball with 30 seconds left on the clock. Still, not all hope was lost for the Magic, assuming they could get a defensive stop. Of course, they did not: James was "fouled" while shooting by Courtney Lee. King Crab calmly sunk the two freebies, which pretty much sealed the deal.

And, of course, you just KNEW that Stan Van Gundy was going to have something to say about that three-second call after the game: "You won't see that call again. That, I guarantee you. You will not see, with the game on the line, a three-second call in the last 10 seconds. That's part of the reason they're 30-1 at home. They're a very good team, and when you get calls like that (expletive), you're in pretty good shape." Hey, that call was made in the last 30 seconds, not the last 10, Stan. See, this is why I hate frontrunners...

All kidding aside, Superman also spoke out against the black-and-white striped Kryptonite: "I was very surprised. I was in the lane and I got out. It seemed like their bench or their coaching staff got into the ref's ear about me being in the lane. Instead of letting the refs make the call, I guess the bench made the call."

Rashard Lewis: You know, despite those calls, the Magic had a really solid chance to steal this game. Sadly, Lewis boned it for them. He was second on the team in shot attempts but went 3-for-15, including 0-for-8 from downtown. And lest you think that he had "a" bad game, here's a quote from Ben Q. Rock of the Third Quarter Collapse: "In the last week (four games), he's shot 11-of-46 from the field, including 3-of-27 from three-point range, with all 3 of those makes coming in the same game. He picked the wrong time to enter a shooting slump, because with a normal Lewis, Orlando probably wins this game." Live by the three, die by the three.

Here's a little extra puzzlement from Basketbawful reader CP3 for MVP: "I was just looking at the Magic-Cavs box score in which the Cavs won 97-93. On the Magic's side, Dwight Howard took the least shots out of all the starters with 8. He made 5 of them. Rashard Lewis took 15 shots, almost double what Dwight took, and made 3 (!). Surely you'd go to the arguably best big man in the game a bit more often. The Cavs on the other hand were quite comfortable on their superstars shoulders, as he led the team in minutes, field goal attempts and makes, 3pt makes, free throw makes and attempts, rebounds, assists, turnovers, steals, blocks and points."

The Boston M.A.S.H. Unit: The Celtics were already missing Kevin Garnett, Glen "Big Baby" Davis, Tony Allen and Brian Scalabrine. Then they lost Leon Powe (who played only four minutes) after he bruised his right knee in a collision with Ben Gordon. That's five guys missing from the regular rotation, one of whom is the team's defensive lynchpin. Oh, and Ray Allen hyper-extended his right elbow and Rajon Rondo aggravated his ankle injury. Other than that, the Celtics are the picture of health. So in that light -- or should I say growing darkness -- it's not too surprising that Boston's defense utterly collapsed against the Bulls. Chicago scored 127 points, which is the most given up by the Celtics this season, while shooting 53 percent from the field. John Salmons matched his career-high by scoring 38 on 14-for-20 shooting. And down the stretch, the Bulls got a key offensive rebound (by Brad Miller), a reverse slam (by Salmons), and four layups (by Miller, Salmons and Derrick Rose). That's what typically happens to depleted teams in end-game situations...but that doesn't make it any less bawful.

Doc Rivers: Getting bounced in the last 30 seconds probably didn't help his team. But it wasn't Doc's fault. He was baited into getting tossed. Just ask him: "[Bill Kennedy] stood there and goaded me and goaded me and goaded me and stared at me. Look at the film. I actually walked away. He asked me, 'Where do you want the ball?' And I said, 'Ask them,' talking about our players. That's my right to say that, and I walked away. He stood there and stared me down and stared me down and goaded me until I turned around and said, 'What?' That's when I got thrown out of the game." Yeah, uh, Doc, I watched the game and it kinda sorta looked like there was a lot more talking going on than that. But I'm sure you were complimenting Bill on his shoes or something.

Bill Walker: From Basketbawful reader Mark L: "I was at the Bulls/Celtics game tonight. This seems WotN worthy. Upon entering the game with about 4 minutes left in the 1st quarter, Bill Walker promptly picked up three fouls. Bill goes bye-bye for the rest of the half. He came back in the game with about the same amount of time remaining in the 3rd quarter. He goes ahead and picks up another foul within 20 seconds of entering the game. (He shoulderblocked Brad Miller, then pulled back with the expression of "Oh shit, don't call that please!" all over his face) About a minute after foul numero 4, Bill picks up a technical. How, you may ask? After the whistle blew on a foul, good ol' Billy took it upon himself to try to posterize Brad Miller." Bill's basketball IQ is off the charts. But that's only because the charts don't go low enough to measure it.

The Dallas Mavericks: Richard Hamilton ("aggravated groin problem"), Rasheed Wallace (calf) and Allen Iverson (back) were all out of action. So it's not surprising that Detroit entered the fourth quarter down by 16. The Pistons then outscored the Mavs 37-23 in the final period and nearly stole the game. And this happened in Dallas, by the way. But Dirk Nowitzki was all "What me worry?" after the game: "Hey, stuff happens in this league. We'll take the wins as we can get them." And see, THAT'S the attitude that keeps Dirk from taking over the league. That general sense of This-is-good-enough-ness that just oozes out of him...and the rest of the team, for that matter. Which is why I just don't feel good about the Maverick's chances in the playoffs.

Some other numbers: Dallas outshot Detroit 56.7 percent to 42.4. So why'd they almost allow a monumental comeback? The Pistons crashed the boards for 17 offensive rebounds. It's a little thing we like to call effort.

Me: That Kevin Love sure is tearing sh*t up. He had 17 points (7-for-11) and 19 rebounds against the Spurs last night. You know, I might have been wrong about this guy...

The Washington Wizards Generals: Take a gander at these postgame comments from the Jazz. Deron Williams: "I don't think it was our best effort." Kyle Korver: "I didn't think we played particularly well tonight." Carlos Boozer: "It wasn't the prettiest game. It was a little ugly." Jerry Sloan: "That's one of the things you always have to be concerned about is are the playoffs important enough for you to go after it? We can talk about it all we want, but sometimes our effort doesn't look like that." And mind you, this was after a game in which they held the Wizards Generals to 35 percent shooting, forced 18 turnovers and won by 15. That's how bad Washington is: It feels like an abject failure when a team doesn't beat them by at least 20.

The Los Angeles Lakers: They outshot, outrebounded and out-assisted the Sixers. They just didn't outscore them. Philly overcame a 14-point fourth-quarter deficit and Andre Iguodala hit a three-point bomb at the buzzer to steal the Lakers' lunch money.


Okay, technically, Iggy had a hand in his face. But did that look like the kind of intense, game-on-the-line defense you'd expect from a championship contender? And, uh, did I mention that the Lakers had a foul to give? Said Phil Jackson: "I don't know if Trevor fully understood when I said we had a foul to use, because he did not use it. We don't like to use a foul, especially when they catch and shoot. But when you handle the ball -- and he took his time -- then it's time to use it." Whoopsie. Let's not forget, also, that L.A. let Donyell Marshall's corpse come in and nail three critical three-pointers in Philly's fouth-quarter comeback. Oh, and this was a home game for the Lakers. I'm just sayin'.

Kobe Byant: Mamba scored only 11 points and was limited to only 32 minutes of PT due to foul trouble. His other numbers: 5-for-15 from the field, 5 boards, 5 assists, 5 turnovers, 4 fouls and 3 blocked shots against. Random note: Kobe has missed 10 or more shots in 12 of the Lakers' 14 losses.

The Los Angeles Clippers: Let me get this straight. Baron Davis, Marcus Camby, Chris Kaman and Zach Randolph are finally all available...and the Clippers are still who we thought they were? Shocking. I could give you some analysis, but let's just say they played like crap and lost, okay? Here's your official postgame quote from Mike Dumbleavy: "A big game from Monta Ellis and I thought their bench killed us. They shot the ball really well; that's what they do. We didn't make them play defense on enough possessions." My favorite part of that quote is the "we didn't make them play defense on enough possessions" part. That's pretty hard to believe when a team attempts 97 shots and 36 free throws. But it's also totally true.

Lacktion report: No McDonald's commercial quotes this time. Just Chris and his continuing brilliant lacktion coverage.

Kings-Hawks: Thomas Gardner tended to his arboretum of awful stats tonight with a downtown-brick suck differential of +1 in 1:44 for Atlanta.

Magic-Cavs: After a recent slump away from his All-Lacktion form, Tarence Kinsey seems to have sharpened his pincers again, at least by ESPN's understanding (which credits him with a Mario of indeterminate length). Yahoo however doesn't seem to think that this seafood-themed non-contribution ever occurred...one of the few times that a boxscore discrepancy has ESPN showing generosity in the name of lacktators everywhere.

Pistons-Mavs: Amir Johnson fouled twice for a +2 in 1:26.

Wizards-Jazz: Ronnie Price was charged with +3 via two giveaways and a foul in 3:18.

Bulls-Celtics: Gabe Pruitt and JR Giddens are fast becoming the lacktion duo for other negative stat chasers to hunt down, as the pair pressed the on button on a sluggish R.O.B. for an eight second stint as Super Mario Brothers! (Oh, and in a sign that the C's were not playing at their best, former trillionaire champion John Salmons was the leading scorer for Chicago. No, really.)

Sixers-Lakers: Theo Ratliff's block in his 4:21 denied him a suck differential, but not a 2:0 Voskuhl after fouls. Meanwhile, DJ Mbenga threw a right hook at a piggybank filled with 1.75 trillion in currency.

Adam Waddell: This is why white guys shouldn't dunk:


Thanks to Evil Ted for the link.

Devin Harris: Only the New Jersey Nets could NOT play but STILL lose big. (Okay, I suppose the Clippers could probably do it too.) It looks as though Harris will be sidelined indefinitely with a sprained left shoulder and strained deltoid muscle. Mind you, the Nets are currently 12th in the East and their playoff odds are looking grim. (A 2.7 percent chance of making the postseason is bad, right?) And Devin, as I like to remind everybody, is the guy who said "We knew we were going to be a playoff team" less than 20 games into the season. Now he won't even be around to try and make it happen. This may very well be one of the most damning stat curses I've seen in recent years.

The anti-Twitter sentiment: From Basketbawful reader dunkside: "Can I get a mention on the WotN for all those criticizing Charlie Villanueva for twittering? I mean really...how is that different from speaking to a teammate about no matter what or taking a piss? He took 2 freakin' minutes to text a message. It's not like he wasn't listening to coach Skiles. He did listen and he also ACTED on what he was being told. He took it upon himself to play better in the second half. He said 'I gotta step up' and he actually did it. And his team won. If I was Skiles, I'd tell him to twitter things like 'I'm gonna pull down 20 boards tonight' or 'I'll block 10 shots' before every game. Whatever gets him motivated. Don't you wish McGrady would have twittered 'I'll get to the 2nd round and not piss my talent away' about 5-6 years ago?"

I more or less agree with you, dunkside, but I also see the larger picture. Charlie used it as motivation. But I'm guessing that if halftime twittering caught on, not just on the Bucks or around the league, there would be lots of guys just screwing around and wasting time/losing focus/whatever. So Skiles had to make an example of Charlie to keep things from potentially getting out of hand. I've read countless stories about players making phone calls or sending texts when they're supposed to be practicing or listening or what have you. Coaches try to cut that stuff out, because most of the time it's a distraction, both for the players and his teammates. The only thing

Labels: Boston Celtics, Devin Harris, Joe Johnson, Los Angeles Clippers, Los Angeles Lakers, officiating, Sacramento Kings, Worst of the Night

Barry Hall: Watch this video of Barry Hall punching out Brent Staker and then throwing up his arms in that "What? I didn't do anything?" way we all know too well and then tell me that the first name that popped into your head wasn't Bruce Bowen.


Atlanta Hawks: I guess now that they've secured their place at the end of Boston's iron boot, they have nothing else to prove. Me? I'd be embarrassed to let somebody to come into my house and put an ass-whoopin' on me in my last home game of the regular season. But I guess I'm just old-school that way.

Stan Van Gundy, quote machine: His team's playoff spot might be secure, but Stan the Man isn't conceding anything. "If they’re keeping score, I want to win. I don’t care, exhibition game or anything else. If there's a scoreboard, I'd rather be on the right side of that. Now, I wasn't going to sacrifice everything for that. I wasn’t going to play guys 40 minutes or whatever. But we want to win." Take that, Pat Riley.

Minnesota Timberwolves: They shouldn't feel bad for losing to Detroit's bench. Everybody's been doing that lately. But 60 losses? That they should be ashamed of.

Theo Ratliff: He was the only Pistons reserve that came off the bench and didn't score. Gave me flashbacks to high school. [shudders]

Charlotte Bobcats: It never feels good to vomit up a 20-point lead and lose in overtime. Never, ever, ever.

Jason Richardson, quote machine: Regarding his team losing the big lead: "I think we thought we had them buried in the books, and you can't do that to any NBA team. You have a team down, you have to kick them. In the NBA, if you don't kick them, they are going to kick you. That's what they did." I hope all the elementary school kids who follow the NBA got all that.

Emeka Okafor, poster boy: Getting posterized? Bad. Getting posterized so hard your nose explodes? Very bad. [From Odenized.]

Devin Harris: Did anybody else notice he came off the bench last night to back up the 39-year-old Darrell Armstrong? Also: 5 turnovers.

Peja Stojakovic: Peja? Oh, Peja! The basket's that way. No, that way. Yikes...2-for-14...he must have been channelling the spirit of Joakim Noah.

Bonzi Wells: DNP-CD. Huh. (I've been told he was sick.)

Brevin Knight: His stat line -- 0 points, 9 assists, and only 1 turnover -- was so classic Brevin Knight that the box scorer from last night's game should be engraved on his tombstone someday.

Memphis Grizzlies: They started Jason Collins, Brian Cardinal played 23 minutes, Darko and Kwame Brown got DNP-CDs, they lost by 22 points, and it looks like they're going to match last season's league-worst record of 22-60.

Von Wafer: Everyone's favorite German sugar cookie had a one trillion against the Grizzlies. Thanks to Steven for the head's up.

John Salmons and Spencer Hawes: With Ron Artest and Brad Miller out of the lineup (again), Salmons and Hawes got their chance to shine! And didn't. The dystrophic duo combined to shoot 5-for-26 from the field.

Lamar Odom's suit: This is from Basketbawful reader Wild Yams: "Mr. Bawful, this definitely needs your looking into, cause if it isn't awful I don't know what is. You've got to check out Lamar Odom's suit that he wore to and from the Lakers-Kings game last night.

"The LA papers reported the following tidbits on it: Odom wandered into the locker room wearing a white suit with purple and gold trim that practically jumped off the lapels and sleeves. He was more than 20 minutes late.'You here with your marching band?' Coach Phil Jackson yelled out, mildly annoyed, or more likely, fairly amused. Odom walked into the locker room as a late arrival before the game in a white jacket with purple sleeves, a gold collar and white pants, which prompted Jackson to tell him, 'Oh my God, no wonder you took so long.'

"You can glimpse the suit in Odom's postgame interview that's up at this site, and here's a not-so-great screengrab of it. It should be pointed out that the bellhop-esque suit does in fact have a hood, and that Odom wore a similarly styled 'suit' to the previous game against the Spurs (only it had red trim instead of yellow and purple). Mr. Odom may have just topped those T-shirts he was selling awhile back."

I'm looking into this one now. More if I can get it.

Labels: Atlanta Hawks, Charlotte Bobcats, Devin Harris, Emeka Okafor, English Football, Memphis Grizzlies, Peja Stojakovic, Stan Van Gundy, Worst of the Night

Dirk could only watch -- literally -- as theBucks closed out the Mavs last Saturday.
Yesterday, I criticized how the Dallas Mavericks handled crunch time in their Saturday night loss to the Milwaukee Bucks. To recap: The Mavs couldn't create shots for Dirk Nowitzki -- the league's reigning MVP -- and their sixth man, Jason Terry, took five of the team's last six shots, mostly off one-on-one plays.

It's not that I think the Mavericks are a selfish team; they're coached to spread the floor and hit the open man, and that's exactly what they do. But it's also true that for the last couple seasons -- basically since Steve Nash left* -- they've ranked near the bottom of the league in assists per game (APG). To whit:

In 2005-06, only one team ranked below Dallas (60-22) in APG: New York (23-59).

Last season, only six teams ranked below Dallas (67-15) in APG: Atlanta (30-52), Boston (24-58), New Orleans (39-43), New York (33-49), Orlando (40-42), and Portland (32-50).

Things have improved somewhat this season**; there are 11 teams below Dallas (9-5): Atlanta (5-7), Charlotte (6-7), Chicago (2-10), Cleveland (8-6), Los Angeles (6-7), Miami (3-10), Minnesota (2-10), New York (4-9), Philadelphia (3-9), Sacramento (4-9), and Washington (6-7).

Notice the trend? I know this snapshot isn't as thorough an analysis as, say, PER or a +/- score. But if you go back and look at league standings on a season-by-season basis, you'll notice that the best teams are (typically) among the league leaders in APG, while the not-so-best teams are (usually) among the league losers.

When a team has a high APG number, that often means that its players get a significant number of open and/or high percentage shots. When a team ranks near the bottom of the league in APG, it tends to mean either one of two things (or perhaps even both): They aren't moving the ball and/or they aren't hitting their shots.

Unlike most of the other teams listed above, we know the Mavs hit shots. They hit lots of shots. They're currently 11th in the league in scoring (102.5) and 8th in field goal percentage (46.2); last season they were 9th in scoring (100.0) and 5th in field goal percentage (46.7). Here's the problem: They have a lot of players who score through freelancing, isolations, and one-on-one play. Dirk loves to catch the ball at the foul line, take a couple dribbles, then spin and shoot. Howard and Terry love to dribble penetrate and either take it to the hoop or pull up for jumpers. Devin Harris, by Avery Johnson's admission, has become a "one-man fastbreak" this season.

I've been saying this for the last couple years, but it's like I'm screaming into silence: The best teams tend to be the teams with the best ball movement. The Spurs, for instance, always seem to rank around the top 10 (they're currently ranked 7th). And while the Mavs are in no way selfish, they simply aren't a great ball movement team. Statistically, they aren't even a "good" ball movement team; they rank among the league's bottom dwellers despite the fact that they're one of the league's elite (and highest scoring) teams.

The Mavs are fortunate that they have players such as Nowitzki, Terry, Harris, Josh Howard, and Jerry Stackhouse, guys who can break defenders down and get their own shot virtually any time they want. But what this means is that, throughout the game, those players have to work harder (and therefore expend more energy) to score than the players on teams that move the ball around for a higher number of open shots. This makes the Mavericks uniquely susceptible to breakdowns in the 4th quarter of close games and (especially) the playoffs. That's because increased defensive pressure tends to kill the teams that rely too heavily on one-on-one play unless they have a dominant low post presence (like a Tim Duncan, or Shaq in his prime), a pure scorer who can put up points against anyone in any circumstance (like a Kobe Bryant), or a superstar who can penetrate and draw fouls in the clutch (like Dwyane Wade now, or Michael Jordan back in the day). The Mavs don't have any of those things, which, in a sense, makes them a (much) better version of the Chicago Bulls.

I read in the Dallas Morning News that Avery Johnson has actually admitted that the Mavs' ball movement (or lack thereof) has been a problem in the past and he's trying to fix it. I would guess that's why Dirk's shot volume has dropped (from 17.2 per game to 15.6) and his assist numbers have gone up (from 3.4 per game to 4.1). It's also why Jason Terry got sent to the bench in favor of Devon Harris. But the more things change, the more they stay the same. The Mavs actually had a solid assist total against the Bucks (26), but their fourth quarter rally featured a lot of mad dribbling and one-on-one play (particularly by Terry, who, for all his talent, isn't Kobe Bryant).

When I brought this up last season (on a Mavericks message board), I was accused of nitpicking. I was told, rather strongly, that the Mavericks are such a great team their one minor weakness could easily be overlooked. And maybe it can. But in my opinion, the ball movement thing continues to be the team's Achilles' heel***, and unless Avery Johnson can coach the problem away, or Dirk transforms into a clutch scorer/foul-drawer, you can probably expect more end-of-game failures and playoff collapses from the Mavs.

*The 2003-04 season was Nash's last with the Mavericks. That year, Dallas ranked 3rd in the league in APG (despite the prescence of ballhogs like Antoine Walker and Antawn Jamison). Phoenix, with Stephon Marbury running the point, ranked 25th. In 2004-05, Nash signed with the Suns and Phoenix promptly rose to third in the league in APG. The Mavs, on the other hand, fell to 26th. Coincidence? Me thinks not.

**I realize that it's only been a month, so this is a smaller statistical sample.

***I'm sure somebody's going to read this post and say, "Well the, why doesn't the team with the best APG win the most games and the championship every year? Well, just because a team has good ball movement and an efficient offense doesn't mean they themselves don't have their own Achilles' heel. For the Suns, for instance, it's been their lack of interior defense and low post scoring. Every team has strengths and weaknesses. The Mavs have plenty of strengths. And they also have, I think, one or two glaring weaknesses.

Labels: assists, ball movement, clutch, Dallas Mavericks, Devin Harris, Dirk Nowitzki, Jason Terry, Josh Howard, Milwaukee Bucks, Phoenix Suns, Steve Nash

Answer me this: Was anybody really surprised when Brad Miller punked Devin Harris the other night? Miller may have a pretty face, but he also has a history of setting teeth-rattling picks and committing bone-jarring fouls. But he's a Big White Center. That's what Big White Centers do. It's been standard procedure since the days when "Jungle" Jim Loscutoff was roaming the hardwood.

What actually was surprising was Josh Howard's reaction, namely sprinting 80 feet downcourt and delivering a flying elbow the the back of Miller's beautifully cornrowed coconut.


Howard claims he was just protecting his teammate from a dirty play. I guess his mother never taught him that two wrongs don't make a right, since blindsiding somebody with a sucker punch to the head is about as dirty as it gets. And you know what? He wasn't "protecting" anybody from anything. It's not like Miller had Harris in a choke hold or anything. There's a difference between protection and revenge.

The word out of Dallas is that this isn't the first time Miller has taken a shot at Harris. Harris claims that it's happened three other times, and that he was even knocked out of a game one of those times. Personally, I think Harris is a bit of a drama queen. Watch the video closely and you'll notice that he puts a little extra mustard on his fall. You'll also notice that things had calmed down right before Howard's sneak attack, but Harris still decided to take an extra shot at the dazed Miller after said sneak attack.

This is nothing new for Miller, though. Back on January 12, 2002, Shaq responded to a hard foul* by taking a clumsy swing at Brad Miller's head. The only reason Brad's still among the living is that Shaq missed, although I understand the gust of wind generated by Shaq's arm was equal to a Category 3 hurricane and actually killed three people in the crowd. Like Howard, Shaq took his cheap shot while Miller's back was turned. What's up with that?

*The foul was actually committed by Charles Oakley, who also hit Miller in the face on the same play. That's the reason Miller was stumbling away from Shaq, which helped him to avoid Shaq's clubbing blow. I'm not sure whether Shaq new who had actually fouled him, but I'm guessing that, if he had known, he wouldn't have taken a swipe at Oak.

The video is great. Shaq tries to hit Miller, Miller retreats in abject fear, Shaq lumbers around like a rampaging bear, Ron Artest and Charles Oakley jump on Shaq's back, and Miller somehow ends up shirtless. Best of all, Chicago's hometown announcers Johnny "Red" Kerr and Wayne Larrivee call the action. The funniest line belonged to Larrivee: "Shaq is violent!"


One last note: Brad Miller has been in two relatively serious confrontations during his career. Ron Artest was his teammate both times. Coincidence? Maybe Artest just brings The Crazy with him?

Labels: Brad Miller, Chicago Bulls, Dallas Mavericks, Devin Harris, fights, Josh Howard, Sacramento Kings, Shaq