So yeah, the Clippers AND Lakers are finished, with only one 2nd round game win (from the Lakeshow) between the two squads.  Who knew coming into this spring that...the ONLY sport being played past mid-May in downtown Los Angeles would be...Los Angeles Kings ice hockey?!

To quote Bawful himself from a text message at 11:41 PM in his time zone: "Bye, Kobe."

The speculation over Pau Gasol's future - hey, wasn't that a linchpin of the initial CP3 trade talks - begins anew.  The final day of Laker basketball in Year One of the Mike Brown Era involved the newly christened "Indiana Ron" encountering the Temple of the Reputation Call, one even getting Mamba T'd up...and one Russell Westbrook fluke that will be remembered by Zombie Sonics fans for decades to come.
The Clippers?  After blowing a 24-point lead in Game 3, they got edged out (again at home) in the series-closer...so, with the recently pinkslipped Stan Van Gundy available, who knows how long the Notorious VDN will be cruising down the hallways of Staples Center.

DISHONORABLE MENTION: 





Sure, turnovers being handed out by Philly faster than a Pepperidge Farm outlet, that was the big story of Boston's comeback...that and the surprising emergence of Brandon Bass, what with 27 points to lead the C's to the series lead.

But the Sixers still had the scoreboard advantage, 57-53, midway through the 3rd.  That's when The Truth laid out a clear path armbar foul on a breaking Andre Iguodala.


Wrong.



Two bricks later, the momentum turned in favor of the Celtics for good.  Was that really the pivotal moment in Game 5?

Why don't we ask Iguodala himself, after his eight point, 3-of-10 from the floor performance -

“It seemed to be the turning point for us,” Iguodala said of missing the two clear-path foul shots. “That’s the way the game goes sometimes. "

Woops.

LACKTION REPORT
Lakers-Thunder: Josh McRoberts jacked up a final brick this season in 98 seconds for a +1, while Andrew Goudelock, Darius Morris (despite an assist) and Troy Murphy had 58 seconds of Smash Brothers action as MARIO TRIPLETS!

For Oklahoma City, Daequan Cook heated up one piece of nougat-covered masonry in 315 seconds for a celebratory +1, while Lazar Hayward went all in against Jerry Buss with pocket aces and came away 1.6 trilion (97 seconds) richer.

Labels: Andre Iguodala, Boston Celtics, oh those poor Clippers, Philadelphia 76ers, Ron Artest, Sad Mamba, the Lakers are DONE

Thanks to Basketbawful reader Anf for today's pic.

Scalpers night off in Atlanta: From Basketbawful reader Vinny Gorgeous: "Hopefully you didn't actually watch Heat-Hawks, but the AP recap was golden. Among the highlights: Mario West, for the first time ever, saw his name leading off a game recap...unfortunately, it was immediately followed by 'blew a dunk' A little more snark: 'Speedy Claxton, a $25 million free-agent bust, actually played for the first time in more than two years. ... Claxton played 7 minutes, missing his only two shots, doling out one assist, and put up an airball on a free throw attempt, drawing groans from fans who still wonder why the Hawks gave him so much money. But he swished the second for his first point of the season, which averages out to $5.7 million per point.' Congratulations, Mr. AP NBA Recap guy; this Bud's for you." Speaking of which...


Speedy Claxton, quote machine: More from the AP recap: "Claxton was the main attraction on this night. He signed a four-year deal in 2006 to be the Hawks' starting point guard, but injuries and poor play made him persona non grata in Atlanta. He had not played since March 3, 2007, when he turned in 15 scoreless minutes against the New York Knicks. 'I was so nervous,' Claxton said. 'After I airballed the first one, I knew I had to make that second one.'"

The Philadelphia 76ers: The Sixers haven't won a game since April 4th, when they qualified for the NBA playoffs. Since then, they've suffered six straight defeats, including losses to the Nets (34-37), Bobcats (35-46) and Raptors (32-49). And last night, they lost to the " Boston Celtics," who were playing sans Kevin Garnett (mysterious never-ending knee injury) and Ray Allen (suspended for delivering that sac shot to Anderson Varejao). Despite logging only 30 minutes and sitting out most of the fourth quarter, Paul Pierce still lit up Philly's defense for 31 points (12-for-16). Truth also drilled seven of his nine three-point attempts. The Celtics leaned heavily on their reserves -- Glen Davis (34 minutes), Eddie House (24 minutes), Stephon Marbury (22 minutes) -- but still shot 52 percent and won the rebounding battle (41-38). Mind you, Boston had nothing to play for...while Philadelphia had plenty on the line.

The loss will almost certainly cost the Sixers the sixth spot in the Eastern Conference Playoffs (unless the Bulls lose at home to the Craptors AND they manage to beat the Crabs in Cleveland), which will force them to face the actual Boston Celtics in the first round. So, you know, uh oh.

Andre Iguodala: An anonymous commenter noted: "Iggy (ego-dala) committed a horribly shameless and blatantly fake flop after missing an ugly looking runner that would've given the Sixers the lead at the end of the game." He sure did. He found the nearest Celtic and just fell over him. Are coaches now teaching "shoot and fall down"?

Samuel Dalembert: Yet another game without an assist for Sammy Selfish. He now has 1 assist in his last 28 games (versus 166 field goal attempts and 40 turnovers).

Joey Crawford: Mr. "DO NOT LAUGH AT ME" Crawford was up to his old tricks last night. Apparently, he has it in for the Celtics. Maybe he hates the color green, or maybe the village he grew up in was destroyed by a hoard of rampaging leprechauns. Who knows? But last night he levied not one, not two, not three, not even four, but five technical fouls against Boston. Joey T'd up Mikki Moore and Doc Rivers in the second quarter, Rajon Rondo and Kendrick Perkins in the third, and then assistant coach Armond Hill in the fourth. The five techs were, indeed, a season-high for the Celtics. Rumor has it he almost called additional technicals on a Gatorade bottle and a wadded up towel at the end of the Boston bench. Dude was so quick with the whistle I started thinking that the government should give him a whistle-activated laser weapon and then force him to fight pirates.

The Utah Jazz: Yet another case of a former NBA Finalist with nothing to play for versus a lower seed with mucho to play for...and guess what happened? Kobe Bryant played only 26 minutes but L.A. still shot nearly 56 percent (and over 61 percent from downtown) to beat the Jazz 125-112. The Lakers are now 16-3 all-time against Utah at Staples Center, where they've beaten the Jazz six times in a row. Did I mention these teams are facing each other in the first round now? Yikes. Said Jerry Sloan: "We didn't give them much of a battle and knowing that we're going to have to play them again, it looks pretty bleak. Hate to say that, but it's one of those things."

Brad Miller, unintentionally dirty quote machine: Miller said: "All I want to do is grab somebody and bang nowadays...Kirk always has been known to get up into somebody's backside." He's actually talking about the physical nature of playoff basketball. As far as you know.

Update! Vinny Del Negro, unintentionally dirty quote machine: AK Dave noticed this Vinny quote from the same article Brad's was in: "It's going to be physical. You have to get used to that. ... You have to go in there and get into bodies." As AK said: "These guys make it sound like playoff basketball is a 10-man angry orgy or something. They should really tone it down, you know. Kids read this stuff!"

Joe Tobjy, sore/evil loser: Here's the description for this YouTube video: "Joe Tobjy was picked to be in the halftime contest of basketball musical chairs. Realizing he was going to lose, he throws his basketball at the kid whos going to win, takes him out and turns what could have been one of the most memorable event in this kid's college life to one of the worst...he also makes him bleed from the fall."


More advanced statistical fail: Chris in Cleveland writes: "I thought you'd enjoy this. Not sure what Don Nelson did to make this happen but evidently it worked." He then provided a recent screen capture of John Hollinger's playoff odds:


So, the Lakers and Jazz are out while the Suns and Warriors are in? I love math!

Lacktion report: Chris reports shocking anti-lacktion development...

Heat-Hawks: Not lacktion, but something else: Mario West scoring a WARIO! From the original "Mario" article -- that term was given for Mr. West actually scoring significant playing time, and he had the most playing time of anyone on court, with a 39:14 stint. Wow. (And that three quarters' worth of non-lacktivity still managed to net him only three points!)

Celtics-Sixers: Despite an assist in 10:09, Theo Ratliff fouled and bricked once each for a 1:0 Madsen-level Voskuhl.

NASA: As you may or may not know, NASA held an online contest to name a room at the international space station. Thanks to countless writein votes, the name "Colbert" -- as in Stephen Colbert -- beat out NASA's four suggested options (Serenity, Legacy, Earthrise and Venture). But instead of honoring the contest they initiated, NASA wimped out and bypassed "Colbert" for the eighth most popular response submitted by respondents: Tranquility (which is an allusion to the Sea of Tranquility, where Apollo 11 landed on the moon). Lame. NASA did throw Colbert Nation a bone, though, naming a treadmill after their hero. The new COLBERT treadmill stands for "Combined Operational Load Bearing External Resistance Treadmill." The resolution is kind of cool, but still pretty balless.

Kobe Bryant: Mamba texted Steve Nash that he had named his master bathroom "NASH"...for "Nicely Accoutered Shit House."

Labels: Andre Iguodala, Atlanta Hawks, Brad Miller, Joey Crawford, Miami Heat, Philadelphia 76ers, Real Men of Genius, Samuel Dalembert, sore losers, Worst of the Night

With Sam Cassell's musty corpse decomposing at the end of the Boston Celtics' bench, other NBA players have tried -- and failed, pretty miserably -- to carry on Sam-I-Am's tradition of performing The Big Balls Dance after hitting a clutch shot. Most notably, Kobe Bryant and Andre Iguodala (and Mamba did it twice). In all three cases, the opposing team came back and hit a clutchier shot to win the game. Busted.

Discussion of these hilarious failures uncovered what was, to me, a rather startling fact: Cassell may have pioneered use of The Big Balls Dance in the NBA, but he didn't invent it. No, indeed, the inventor of the BBD was first performed in 1994 by fictional baseball player Pedro Cerrano in Major League II. Many thanks to Wild Yams for discovering this and providing the following video. Also thanks to Bateman's Legal Counsel for pointing out that Pedro didn't actually invent the dance. Said BLC: "I think it was a signature move of a teammate who used it to motivate Pedro when he was slumping. I think he was...Asian. I mean, he was talking in some weird language; I think it was...Asian." The teammates name was Tanaka. Watch it:

Labels: Andre Iguodala, Big Balls Dance, Kobe Bryant, Major League II, Sam Cassell

If you're going to rip off Sam-I-Am's "big balls" dance,you'd better make damn sure you win the game...
The Philadelphia 76ers: The NBA schedule is, by and large, a cruel and tempestuous mistress (much like Khloe Kardashian), but every once in a while, it provides an unexpected gift. The Sixers got one last night: A home court matchup with the Kevin Garnett-less Celtics for the chance to hop back over the .500 mark. It was a golden opportunity versus a severely weakened conference rival...so of course the Sixers wasted it.

Philly's scrambling defense forced its fair share of turnovers (21 for 30 points), but their hands were apparently too busy swiping at the ball to get in anybody's face (Boston shot just a shade under 54 percent for the game). And the Sixers -- the supposed running team in this contest -- finished with fewer fast break points (12) than the Celtics (15). Ray Allen was 5-for-7 in the fourth quarter, including a three-pointer that tied the game at 97 with 37 seconds left and another that won the game with 0.5 ticks to go...despite suffering from flu-like symptoms!

And on that last play, the Sixers committed one of the classic blunders, the first of which is never get involved in a land war in Asia, but only slightly less well-known is this: When you're up by two and your opponent has the final shot, no matter what, DO NOT GIVE UP THE THREE. Even pickup ballers know this. Philadelphia was so concerned about Paul Pierce's penetration that they collapsed into the paint and lost Allen. How could they let Ray freaking Allen, one of the best three-point marksmen in league history, slip behind the arc unattended for a wide-open shot? If they were going to do that, why bother playing defense at all?

Andre Iguodala: Sam Cassell invented was the first NBA player to steal the "I have big balls" dance from Major League II (apparently). That's common knowledge. The fact that other NBA players are copying it -- even Kobe Bryant! -- is just silly. Look, I know it's super cool and everything, but it's Sam's thing. Mr. T has defined awesome for two generations of men, but do you see dudes walking around with two metric tons worth of gold chains wrapped around their necks? No. Because it's a signature T-ism. Well, that and no other human neck could support the crushing weight. But my point is: Don't do it. It's embarrassing and, potentially, a stat curse. Know what happened after Kobe did it? The Lakers lost on an improbable shot in the closing seconds. And after Iggy did it? Same thing.


The moral of this story: Only Sam Cassell gets to do the "I have big balls" dance.

Doc Rivers, inexplicable quote machine: Regarding Kevin Garnett: "He smells things 75 percent of the league can't." We finally know the secret to KG's success...super olfactory senses!

The Toronto Craptors: It's not even that they can't win, it's that they can't even keep their games competitive. After two straight double-digit home losses (to the Bucks and Magic), the Craptors got blown out in the first quarter (37-15) and only got back into the game because the Crabs fell asleep in the third quarter. They woke up in the fourth, though, and won going away, 101-83. Toronto shot 39 percent as a team, 8 percent from downtown (1-for-12), and their starting guards (Jose Calderon and Anthony Parker) combined to hit only 2 of their 16 field goal attempts). I really don't get this team. They have too much talent to be this bad-to-mediocre. Speaking of their talent...

Chris Bosh: He shot 11-for-19 and finished with 29 points, but he grabbed only 3 rebounds -- the same as Calderon and one fewer than Anthony Parker. And he had a fourth-quarter dunk attempt blocked by King Crab himself. Note that Bosh went up one-handed...which caused my inner Hubie Brown to mutter "That's why we tell big men to throw it down with two hands. YOU HAVE TO FORCE THE DEFENDER TO FOUL YOU." Video:


Said Crabs coach Mike Brown: "That caught me off guard. When he came from the weak side and got that block, I was floored. I didn't think there was any way whatsoever that any human being could come from the weak side and contest a shot the way he did. Wow! Wow! Wow!" Really? No human being? I guess Mike never got to watch Hakeem Olajuwon or David Robinson play ball...

The Iniana Pacers: The "D" continues to elude the Pacers in the alphabet soup of their season. Despite a so-so game from Al Jefferson's (12 points on 13 shots) and another DNP-CD for Rashad "I'm a poet but you didn't know it" McCants, the Timberwolves dropped 116 points on the Pacers' home court, outscoring them 38-29 in the fourth to steal the game. In addition to their typical defenselessness, Indy was mortally wounded by two critical free throw misses by T.J. Ford down the stretch. And he entered the game hitting 89 percent of his foul shots. Said Ford: "I definitely let the team down. I had an opportunity more than once to tie the game or take the lead. I just wasn't able to come through in the clutch for my team. I have to sleep on that one tonight." As a Pacers fan, I kind of hope it feels like sleeping on a bed of broken glass and rusty barbed wire. Not that I'm bitter or anything.

By the way, I'm starting to get the feeling that I was wrong about Kevin Love. That dude's pretty darn good, as it turns out. His game has really blossomed under Kevin McHale, who apparently is worlds better as a coach than a GM.

The Milwaukee Bucks M.A.S.H. Unit: No Michael Redd. No Andrew Bogut. Vince Carter's fifth career triple-double (15 points, 12 assists and 10 rebounds). A huge double-double from rookie Brook Lopez (22 points, 12 boards). Near perfect marksmanship for Ryan Anderson (7-for-10 for his 19 points). Misdirected shooting from the field (36 percent) and the line (10 misses). Just a big fat fail in virtually every direction.

Scott Skiles, backhanded compliment machine: Regarding his team's failure to hold off the double-rookie onslaught of Lopez and Anderson: "Brook Lopez was obviously very hard for us to handle and Ryan Anderson's offense was a lot of the time behind the three-point line. Nothing against Anderson, but I never thought I would say we got manhandled by him." Nobody expects that, Scott. Or a Spanish Inquisition, for that matter.

Lawrence Frank, unintentionally dirty quote machine: "The thing that was hurting us was their penetration at times."

Vince Carter, "I know who he is" machine: Regarding the return of former Nets teammate Richard Jefferson (who scored 27 points): "R.J. was being R.J."

Joakim Noah: [Gratuitous Plug Alert!] You can get full coverage of the Bulls-Rockets game at By The Horns, but I have to tell you: After seeing him get abused by Al Jefferson and Yao Ming on this road trip, I'm officially nicknaming Noah "The Prop." I mean, it's not his fault he's being forced to defend guys he obviously can't handle. He's trying. He really is. But that doesn't change the fact that he's failing.

The Bulls' interior defense / foul shooting: When guys like Anderson Varejao and Zaza Pachulia keep ending up with season highs against a team, well, you know that team has a problem protecting the paint. Such is the case with these Bulls, who gave up 28 points to Yao Ming (who was limited to 30 minutes due to first-half foul trouble) and a career-high-matching 18 rebounds to Luis Scola. Not to mention 3 backbreaking offensive boards to Carl Landry in the fourth quarter. Plus, Yao's numbers don't tell the story about how his mere presence dominated the game. Vinny Del Negro had no answer, except maybe to duck and cover. Also: The Bulls bonked 11 free throws.

Luol Deng and Tyrus Thomas: Knee-Mac walked past Deng and then almost gave Thomas a Spaulding tattoo. Sick.


Personally, I blame Deng. Why the hell was he playing Knee-Mac so closely? Give him space, make him shoot it. That's just bad defense, and it got his teammate in the poster.

Gregg Popovich: WHAAAAA...?! Manu Ginobili sat out with a bruised hip, So Pops decided to give Duncan and Parker the night off too? And I'm not talking about "at the hotel getting treatment" or "back in San Antonio chilling out." They were there! On the bench! Watching!


Look, I get it. Popovich likes to keep his horses rested and healthy. They're on an extended road trip and they'd gone to overtime against the Warriors the previous night. But man, what a crazy random happenstance.

The Denver Nuggets: Facing the Spurs B-Team, which MIGHT finish in the middle of the pack in the NBA's Developmental League, the Nuggets promptly sunk to the occasion and nearly lost the game. The "Spurs" pulled to 98-94 with two minutes left (via a Roger Mason triple), but Carmelo hit a free throw and a jump shot to turn back San Antonio's rally.

Not surprisingly, George Karl was pissed. He called his team "selfish" and accused them of playing down to their competition. "We were fortunate. We still have a tendency in messing around with the game. It's kind of come back in the last couple of weeks. We've still won most of the games but we should have attacked this game with a professional attitude and an intensity, and probably should have gotten the game over by the fourth quarter." He also said: "I do realize in the NBA it is a trait of good teams winning playing bad. Going on a road trip after this performance scares the hell out of me." It should.

Lacktion report: Basketbawful's interpid lacktion beat report Chris once again took some time 0ut to provide our triple-pump of lacktivity.

Raptors-Cavs: Both Nathan Jawai and Jake Voskuhl sat for the Craptors, so in the midst of yet another blowout victory, the responsibility for the evening's non-production solely lay on the Crabs. Darnell Jackson's experience at swimming in the still waters of stasis paid off with a 3.26 trillion, while the newest crustacean, Trey Johnson (previously in Bakersfield's D-League squad), baked a brick for a suck differential of +1 in 2:09. Surprisingly, in 14:10, Anderson Varejao racked up a slight Voskuhl of 6:5 via five fouls and a turnover against three rebounds and one field goal.

Bucks-Nets: The Milwaukee M.A.S.H. Unit apparently recommends sedentary behavior on the hardwood to reduce the chance of injury, which also reduces the likelihood of the contagious condition known as "winning." Joe Alexander needs a cash register next to his bench spot after striking it rich with a full 9.15 trillion! Damon Jones gave himself a slightly smaller gift of 1.8 trillion. Meanwhile, New Jersey's Chris Douglas-Roberts has started to emerge as a late possibility for the All-Lacktion team, tossing a brick and fouling once for +2 in 6:54 of lacktivity.

Bulls-Rockets: Joakim Noah started off slowly and stayed asleep for a full 17:33 at the Toyota Center, giving the Bulls a devestating Voskuhl of 7:3 by fouling out and handing the rock to his opponents twice, against one made shot and one rebound. He was especially burned by Yao Ming, who drew two quick fouls on him in the opening frame (forcing Vinny Del Negro to switch him out with Aaron Gray). Yao then punished Noah harder midway in the fourth quarter by both dunking on him and drawing yet another foul for the chance at an ultimately successful charity stripe shot -- a sequence which proved to be great at killing off Chicago's momentum up to that moment, when the Bulls had made it a five-point game!

Christian Bale: You know, I've always dug on Bale. He was Patrick Bateman in American Psycho (one of my all-time favorite movies). And he's Batman! But that four-minute tantrum -- during which he dropped 36 F-bombs -- was ridiculous and embarrassing. Glad to see he's your typical Hollywood prima donna. Oh, wait, it was because he's a method actor? Riiiight. I would have believed that after maybe a minute, minute-and-a-half's worth of F-bombery. Oh well. At least one good thing came out of this: The Bale Out dance mix! Decidedly NSFW.


The Michael Phelps brouhaha: What?! Olympic champion Michael Phelps smoked pot! IT IS THE END OF THE WORLD. Or not. I can't believe the backlash Phelps is getting for this. Particularly since we live in a country whose medical community has recognized marijuana's therapeutic benefits. Hell, Boston has decriminalized possession of small amounts of it! But that's our hypocritical nation. Prostitution is harshly prosecuted all over the place -- I recently read about a sting operation in a Chicago suburb -- but it's legal in certain areas of Nevada and (believe it or not) Rhode Island. Seriously. So smoking pot is wrong unless it's okay. You can't pay someone for sex unless you're someplace where you can.

And then guys like Michael Phelps get demonized for doing something that probably everyone else his age has either already done or considered doing. And now nobody will look at him the same way, and it gives the media a chance to bring up that DUI he had when he was 19. Uh oh! He has a history! What a monster!

Look, Phelps is a dork, and maybe even a bit of a douche. But can you blame him? He's young, he rules his sport with an iron swim cap. He toked. So what? Really. So what?

Kobe Bryant: Mamba filled Luke Walton's locker with gay porn and then, after most of the Lakers had shown up but before Walton had noticed, Kobe loudly drew everybody's attention to it: "Hey everybody, look at that stuff in Luke's locker! I guess we know now why he styles his hair that way..."

Labels: Andre Iguodala, Chris Bosh, Christian Bale, Gregg Popovich, Michael Phelps, Philadelphia 76ers, Toronto Raptors

Andre Iguodala: Philadelphia's leading scorer (19.9 PPG) has a total of 20 points on 5-for-24 shooting in two playoff games against the Pistons. In last night's blowout loss, he managed only 4 points on 1-for-9 from the field. In my preview for this series, I said: "In the two (regular season) games Philly won, Andre Iguodala scored 22 and 25 points...Iggy's got to score for the Sixers to stay competitive." And what do you know? Last night he didn't score and they couldn't stay competitive. Dismissed as coincidence. Seriously, though, Iguodala needs to become more aggressive and really take it to the Pistons in Game 3. This means more drives and fewer jumpshots (seven of his nine FGAs last night were jumpers). Which should be easier, since the Sixers will be at home (which always curtails the opposing team's hands-on defense).

Andre Miller: He did decent job scoring the basketball (14 points, 6-for-11) but not passing it (3 assists, 3 turnovers). I also noted in my series preview that: "Andre Miller has to keep the offense running." He's much more valuable to his team as a playmaker than as a scorer (although his scoring his important too). He can't let Detroit turn him into more of a scorer than a setup man.

Philly's defense: I know they ran into a buzzsaw, because the Pistons were determined to redeem themselves after losing Game 1. But still...no club should be allowed to shoot 55 percent as a team in the postseason. This is the playoffs, man. The playoffs.

Mike Bibby: Bibs played pretty poorly in Game 1 -- 5 points, 2-for-10 shooting, 1 assist, 2 turnovers -- much to the raucous delight of the Celtics' home crowd. His response? Well, Bibby uncharacteristically fired a few volleys at the Boston faithful: "They are fair-weather fans if you ask me. They were kind of loud in the beginning (of Game 1), but a lot of those fans are bandwagon jumpers trying to get on this now. I played here last year, too (with the Sacramento Kings), and I didn't see three-quarters of them. They're for the team now and they might get a little rowdy, but that's about it."

Those were stupid words delivered at the worst possible time, and Boston center Kendrick Perkins couldn't believe it: "He said what? Coming off a 2-for-10 night shooting, you'd say something like that, too." Of course, Bibby -- already on a roll -- couldn't let that one go: "I don't know where (Perkins) got this tough streak from. His stat line was worse than mine. Anybody else, I might take a little (bit differently). Until he does something in his career, for him to come at me like that, it kind of upsets me."

Was he ever. Mikey-boy was so troubled by Perkins and his unfair comments that he went out and shot 2-for-7 and had 1 lonely assist. That'll teach that loser, Mike! Meanwhile, Rajon Rondo out-veteren-ed Bibby for the second straight game (12 points, 6-for-11, 6 rebounds, 8 assists, 4 steals). It got so bad that Atlanta coach Mike Woodson to replaced Bibby with bench monkey Acie Law IV. (And it should be noted that Law hit as many field goals in 21 minutes as Bibby has in Games 1 and 2.) The Boston Bandwagoneers noticed this, of course, and not only cheers for Bibby's return ("Whe-eres Bib-ee?") but also let him know where he ranks in the point guard food chain ("Ron-do's be-tter!" )

And you know what? Bibby still wouldn't shut up.

After the game, Bibs again went after both Perkins ("I thought he tried to hit me a couple of times, but I didn't really feel it.") and Celtics fans ("They know who they are. If they took offense, they must be part of it. I guess they are all bandwagon jumpers."). Keep talkin', Mike. Just keep on talkin'...

Josh Smith: Smith certainly played poorly enough to warrant WotN consideration -- 3-for-13 shooting, 5 turnovers, 5 personal fouls -- but the real reason he's here is because of something that happened less than a minute and a half into the game. Smith committed a hard foul on Paul Pierce in which he took Paul Pierce down, landed on him, and then rolled over his head. And I'm sorry, but you cannot tell me that occurred purely by accident. Pierce had to leave the game for a while, but it didn't effect the outcome. We'd probably have heard a lot more about this play if it had.

Joe Johnson: The Hawks' captain scored 11 points -- about half of his regular season average -- on 4-for-10 shooting, and he had 5 turnovers to only 1 assist. Now he knows how the captain of the Hindenburg felt.

Update! Mario West: Basketbawful reader friesenth gave me the following reminder: "You forgot to mention Mario West and his 31 seconds of zero-for-everything lack-tion." Indeed I did. Sorry.

Tony Allen: The low point last night for the Celtics was Allen's three trillion.

The Enver Nuggets: The Lakers scored 122 points on 50 percent shooting. Kobe went off for 49 points and 10 assists. And the Nuggets' defense -- which relies on ramble-scramble action and forced turnovers -- took the ball away from L.A. only 11 times. I said this over and over and over during the regular season: Enver uses a gimmick defense that cannot work consistently against disciplined teams. Which the Lakers (and most other playoff teams) are. And yet all sorts of people wanted to argue with me because they Nuggets ranked in the top ten in defensive efficiency. So...where are all those people now? Hello? Anybody out there? And for the record: According to Hollinger's latest stats, the Nuggets rank next to last in defensive efficiency during the playoffs (ahead of only Dallas). That sound you just heard was checkmate.

Kenyon Martin: This is what I wrote in my NBA Closer column today: "Assume that you're on a team that barely squeaked into the playoffs. Further assume that your team is perhaps hopelessly overmatched no matter what you do. Now assume you're facing off against the opposing team's best player, and that player is Kobe Bryant. Do you a) Pull a Shane Battier and work your butt off on D while quietly hoping for the best, b) Clothesline his arrogant ass, or c) Talk some smackity-smack to get him mad? Of course, the right answer is a, the righter answer is b, and the idiot's answer is c. Guess which one Kenyon Martin chose?" In other news, Kobe scored 49 points and the Lakers routed the Nuggets. But speaking of Kobe...

Kobe Byrant: Warning!! Kobe lovers should turn back now, or skip ahead to the next entry. If you are a Kobe lover and can't help but read the following criticisms, then please answer the embedded questions before going off on your own diatribe.

Leave it to the Mamba to use a brilliant game as an excuse to exude arrogance and classlessness...again. This was Game 2 of a first-round series. I repeat: Game 2 of a first-round series. Great players on great teams don't freak out about playing well in the first round, particularly in non-deciding games. I mean, other than Michael's crazy jumping-in-the-air celebration after hitting The Shot over Craig Ehlo in Game 5 of Chicago's first-round series against the Cavaliers, can you ever remember Jordan getting all smug about crushing some hapless eighth seed? And even in that example, Michael was at that time a five-year pro who had only ever won a single playoff series. Kobe's a 12-year veteran who's been on three title teams.

Yet there was Kobe, doing his fist pumps, flexing his biceps Hulk Hogan-style, blowing smoke off his fingers like he was poppin' caps, and screaming in primal rage. He also popped his jersey about 40 times after a made shot. Seriously. Watch the video. I know he's excited and everything, but is all that crowing really necessary? Does a (potential) MVP need to act that way? I mean, has any other NBA legend -- Bird, Chamberlain, Hakeem, Jordan, Kareem, Magic, Malone, Oscar, Robinson, Russell, Stockton, West -- ever rubbed a spectacular performance in his opponents' noses this much during an early game of a first round series? That's the exclusive province of guys like Chuck Person. You kind of don't expect that crap from an MVP candidate. Well, unless that candidate is Kobe.

(And for the record, I predicted this would happen.)

Update! Doc posted the following comment to this post: "Those are fair criticisms of Kobe. But why not weigh in against Garnett as well? He spent the fourth quarter pulling the same moves (screaming into the air, raising his arms to the crowd, shaking his head threateningly) against a sub-.500 playoff opponent that the Celtics were beating by 20. This is after Garnett had been shooting around 36% from the field. Kobe at least turned in a dominating all-around performance against a 50-win team, who were within 5 at one point of the fourth quarter. Can't argue with you that he has a real hard time exhibiting class, but those standards should be applied across the board, especially when the other guy in question is your MVP choice."

Those are good points, Doc. I'm slightly abashed to admit that I stepped away from the fourth quarter of that game to do a few things...so I didn't see KG's antics. For the record, I wouldn't have appreciated them. There is one caveat, though, which is tha Garnett has acted that way for most of his career: Winning, losing, up 20, down 20, in big games, in meaningless games. It's part of that whole intense "wildman" persona he uses to amp up his game. It just seems more like a natural behavior -- like a tea kettle letting off steam or a dog humping your leg -- than what Kobe did. You get the feeling that KG can't contain his freakosity; when Kobe does it, he's clearly trying to show his opponents up.

Update! George Karl: Once again, my oversights are corrected by a reader. Rob Mahoney from Upside and Motor had this to say: "Wait, you put Kenyon Martin and the Nugs on Worst of the Night, but no mention of George Karl? No love for the mastermind who decided Martin and Edward Najera were good covers for Kobe? I honestly think his Karlness would be offended that you wouldn't feature him in a post about the worst of the NBA." Far be it from me to offend somebody who took the "D" out of Enver.

Steven Hunter and Ira Newble: One of the hidden subplots of the Nuggets-Lakers series is the duel between lousy roleplayers. Hunter and Newble each had a one trillion last night.

Reggie Miller: Rob S. let us know that Reggie continues to give color commentary lessons in the Knave's English: "I'm just watching the Lakers-Nuggets game and there's about 4 minutes left in the third and Reggie Miller just said, 'Kobe garnishes a lot of attention,' like Kobe is a sprig of cilantro or something. One might suspect he meant to say Kobe GARNERS a lot of attention, but at this point I really don't think Reggie even knows what he means to say. Awful." As a long-time Pacers fan, I officially have no comment. (Although my unofficial comment is, "Gak.") Update! Another Miller-related tidbit from Austen: "How about an extra 'Worst of the Night' bit for Reggie Miller for that idiotic bit during the Nuggets-Lakers game regarding the Celtics/Lakers Finals Matchups. He went through three minutes worth of stats only to have his final point be 'so as you can see, having that #1 Seed is a real plus!' No s***, Sherlock!"

Update! ESPN, TNT, NBA TV, and ABC: More from Austen: "Another Worst of the Night should go to ESPN/TNT/NBA TV/ABC for completely ignoring the Jazz/Rockets series once the Jazz won that first game. Ever since then (and I noticed this last night), whenever the commentators would remind everyone of the games coming up the next couple of days, the next in the Jazz/Rockets series would be conveniently left out. The commentators wouldn't mention it, and there wouldn't be a line of text about it on the screen, either. I know the Jazz have this series sewn up and the league despises the Jazz in general for being a small market team knocking out big market teams, but this series still has 2 games left! I wonder if this is as insulting to Rockets fans as it is to this Jazz fan."

Labels: Andre Iguodala, Andre Miller, Denver Nuggets, Joe Johnson, Josh Smith, Kenyon Martin, Kobe Bryant, Mike Bibby, Philadelphia 76ers, Reggie Miller, Tony Allen