Is Thibs auditioning for the opening sequence of Zombieland 2?
The Atlanta Hawks: Well, for starters, Carlos Boozer dunked on them.


No, seriously. Boozer flushed it. Left handed.


At this point, between his slump and the torn toe ligaments, getting dunked on by Boozington is like letting an 80-year-old grandmother go over the top on you in an arm wrestling match.

Chicago's defense through three quarters: For the first 36 minutes, the Hawks shot 53 percent from the field. And, actually, Chicago's D let the Atlantean's knock down 56 percent of their two-pointers (33-for-59) and convert an astonishing 15 of their 18 attempts at the rim. Good thing the Hawks were broke from three-point range (1-for-12).

Chicago's defense on Jeff Teague: Little dude flat out kept the Hawks in this game by scoring a team-high 21 points on 8-for-11 from the field and 5-for-7 at the line. He also had a team-best 7 assists and went 5-for-5 at the rim. Atlanta might have had a chance if not for the following four factors:

Factor 1 -- Joe Johnson: The 120 Million Dollar Man once again played like a third or fourth banana...assuming that banana had been half-peeled and left in the sun for a couple hours. Joe finished with 15 points on 6-for-15 shooting in 41 minutes. He was 1-for-5 from downtown and had only 3 assists and 2 rebounds. Still, Johnson wasn't half as bad as...

Factor 2 -- Jamal Crawford: Crawford was instant offense last night, minus the "instant offense" part. In 27 minutes of PT, Jamal managed just 2 poitns on 1-for-9 shooting (0-for-4 on threes). Note that Keith Bogans outscored Crawford 11-2 last night. I'm just sayin'.

Factor 3 -- Atlanta's fourth quarter offense: During the final 12 minutes, the Dirty Birdies scored only 15 points on 5-for-16 shooting. They committed 5 turnovers -- including one shot clock violation -- and got 2 shots blocked. They jacked up four three-pointers and made zero of them.

Bulls coach Tom Thibodeau went with a fourth quarter lineup of D-Rose, Lu Deng, Omer Asik, Ronnie Brewer and Taj Gibson. That unit straight up shut the Hawks down. It probably didn't help that -- because Atlanta has no bench -- Hawks coach Larry Drew had to play Horford, Johnson and Teague 40+ minutes each. And Smith played 39 minutes.

Factor 4 -- Atlanta's fourth quarter defense on Taj Gibson: The fact that Derrick Rose (33 points, 9 assists, +17) torched the Hawks with 11 points and 3 assists in the fourth quarter isn't all surprising. But Gibson also lit 'em up for 11 fourth quarter points. THE RISE OF TAJ!

Luol Deng, poster boy: Uh, Lu, you don't need to get out on him. Trust me, you want Josh Smith shooting jumpers.


Carlos Boozer versus Josh Smith: Cat fight!


Not sure what that was all about, really. It sort of looked like Boozer thought Smith was going to come down on him and stuck out a protective arm...only Smith landed safely and walked right into Boozer's 'bow.

Said Smith: "I dunked the basketball and I go to turn and he just cleared me with an elbow to the jaw. Nobody is going to do that to me. I don't care who you are. I'm a man first."

Wow. That line was so macho, the woman sitting across from me on the train just grew a tuft of chest hair.

Josh Smith's shot versus Omer Asik's hand: Get out, Josh. Get out.



Benny the Bull: Hey! That's a waste of some perfectly good popcorn.


Chris' Playoff Lacktion Report: Pape Sy and Rasual Butler went mining in 65 seconds each for a 1.1 trillion payday.

Labels: 2011 NBA Playoffs, Atlanta Hawks, Carlos Boozer, Joe Johnson, Josh Smith, Omer Asik, Worst of the Night

Many thanks to everybody who sent in links to this epic man love denial.

Labels: Atlanta Hawks, fan submissions, Josh Smith, man love, Mike Bibby

Andre Iguodala: Philadelphia's leading scorer (19.9 PPG) has a total of 20 points on 5-for-24 shooting in two playoff games against the Pistons. In last night's blowout loss, he managed only 4 points on 1-for-9 from the field. In my preview for this series, I said: "In the two (regular season) games Philly won, Andre Iguodala scored 22 and 25 points...Iggy's got to score for the Sixers to stay competitive." And what do you know? Last night he didn't score and they couldn't stay competitive. Dismissed as coincidence. Seriously, though, Iguodala needs to become more aggressive and really take it to the Pistons in Game 3. This means more drives and fewer jumpshots (seven of his nine FGAs last night were jumpers). Which should be easier, since the Sixers will be at home (which always curtails the opposing team's hands-on defense).

Andre Miller: He did decent job scoring the basketball (14 points, 6-for-11) but not passing it (3 assists, 3 turnovers). I also noted in my series preview that: "Andre Miller has to keep the offense running." He's much more valuable to his team as a playmaker than as a scorer (although his scoring his important too). He can't let Detroit turn him into more of a scorer than a setup man.

Philly's defense: I know they ran into a buzzsaw, because the Pistons were determined to redeem themselves after losing Game 1. But still...no club should be allowed to shoot 55 percent as a team in the postseason. This is the playoffs, man. The playoffs.

Mike Bibby: Bibs played pretty poorly in Game 1 -- 5 points, 2-for-10 shooting, 1 assist, 2 turnovers -- much to the raucous delight of the Celtics' home crowd. His response? Well, Bibby uncharacteristically fired a few volleys at the Boston faithful: "They are fair-weather fans if you ask me. They were kind of loud in the beginning (of Game 1), but a lot of those fans are bandwagon jumpers trying to get on this now. I played here last year, too (with the Sacramento Kings), and I didn't see three-quarters of them. They're for the team now and they might get a little rowdy, but that's about it."

Those were stupid words delivered at the worst possible time, and Boston center Kendrick Perkins couldn't believe it: "He said what? Coming off a 2-for-10 night shooting, you'd say something like that, too." Of course, Bibby -- already on a roll -- couldn't let that one go: "I don't know where (Perkins) got this tough streak from. His stat line was worse than mine. Anybody else, I might take a little (bit differently). Until he does something in his career, for him to come at me like that, it kind of upsets me."

Was he ever. Mikey-boy was so troubled by Perkins and his unfair comments that he went out and shot 2-for-7 and had 1 lonely assist. That'll teach that loser, Mike! Meanwhile, Rajon Rondo out-veteren-ed Bibby for the second straight game (12 points, 6-for-11, 6 rebounds, 8 assists, 4 steals). It got so bad that Atlanta coach Mike Woodson to replaced Bibby with bench monkey Acie Law IV. (And it should be noted that Law hit as many field goals in 21 minutes as Bibby has in Games 1 and 2.) The Boston Bandwagoneers noticed this, of course, and not only cheers for Bibby's return ("Whe-eres Bib-ee?") but also let him know where he ranks in the point guard food chain ("Ron-do's be-tter!" )

And you know what? Bibby still wouldn't shut up.

After the game, Bibs again went after both Perkins ("I thought he tried to hit me a couple of times, but I didn't really feel it.") and Celtics fans ("They know who they are. If they took offense, they must be part of it. I guess they are all bandwagon jumpers."). Keep talkin', Mike. Just keep on talkin'...

Josh Smith: Smith certainly played poorly enough to warrant WotN consideration -- 3-for-13 shooting, 5 turnovers, 5 personal fouls -- but the real reason he's here is because of something that happened less than a minute and a half into the game. Smith committed a hard foul on Paul Pierce in which he took Paul Pierce down, landed on him, and then rolled over his head. And I'm sorry, but you cannot tell me that occurred purely by accident. Pierce had to leave the game for a while, but it didn't effect the outcome. We'd probably have heard a lot more about this play if it had.

Joe Johnson: The Hawks' captain scored 11 points -- about half of his regular season average -- on 4-for-10 shooting, and he had 5 turnovers to only 1 assist. Now he knows how the captain of the Hindenburg felt.

Update! Mario West: Basketbawful reader friesenth gave me the following reminder: "You forgot to mention Mario West and his 31 seconds of zero-for-everything lack-tion." Indeed I did. Sorry.

Tony Allen: The low point last night for the Celtics was Allen's three trillion.

The Enver Nuggets: The Lakers scored 122 points on 50 percent shooting. Kobe went off for 49 points and 10 assists. And the Nuggets' defense -- which relies on ramble-scramble action and forced turnovers -- took the ball away from L.A. only 11 times. I said this over and over and over during the regular season: Enver uses a gimmick defense that cannot work consistently against disciplined teams. Which the Lakers (and most other playoff teams) are. And yet all sorts of people wanted to argue with me because they Nuggets ranked in the top ten in defensive efficiency. So...where are all those people now? Hello? Anybody out there? And for the record: According to Hollinger's latest stats, the Nuggets rank next to last in defensive efficiency during the playoffs (ahead of only Dallas). That sound you just heard was checkmate.

Kenyon Martin: This is what I wrote in my NBA Closer column today: "Assume that you're on a team that barely squeaked into the playoffs. Further assume that your team is perhaps hopelessly overmatched no matter what you do. Now assume you're facing off against the opposing team's best player, and that player is Kobe Bryant. Do you a) Pull a Shane Battier and work your butt off on D while quietly hoping for the best, b) Clothesline his arrogant ass, or c) Talk some smackity-smack to get him mad? Of course, the right answer is a, the righter answer is b, and the idiot's answer is c. Guess which one Kenyon Martin chose?" In other news, Kobe scored 49 points and the Lakers routed the Nuggets. But speaking of Kobe...

Kobe Byrant: Warning!! Kobe lovers should turn back now, or skip ahead to the next entry. If you are a Kobe lover and can't help but read the following criticisms, then please answer the embedded questions before going off on your own diatribe.

Leave it to the Mamba to use a brilliant game as an excuse to exude arrogance and classlessness...again. This was Game 2 of a first-round series. I repeat: Game 2 of a first-round series. Great players on great teams don't freak out about playing well in the first round, particularly in non-deciding games. I mean, other than Michael's crazy jumping-in-the-air celebration after hitting The Shot over Craig Ehlo in Game 5 of Chicago's first-round series against the Cavaliers, can you ever remember Jordan getting all smug about crushing some hapless eighth seed? And even in that example, Michael was at that time a five-year pro who had only ever won a single playoff series. Kobe's a 12-year veteran who's been on three title teams.

Yet there was Kobe, doing his fist pumps, flexing his biceps Hulk Hogan-style, blowing smoke off his fingers like he was poppin' caps, and screaming in primal rage. He also popped his jersey about 40 times after a made shot. Seriously. Watch the video. I know he's excited and everything, but is all that crowing really necessary? Does a (potential) MVP need to act that way? I mean, has any other NBA legend -- Bird, Chamberlain, Hakeem, Jordan, Kareem, Magic, Malone, Oscar, Robinson, Russell, Stockton, West -- ever rubbed a spectacular performance in his opponents' noses this much during an early game of a first round series? That's the exclusive province of guys like Chuck Person. You kind of don't expect that crap from an MVP candidate. Well, unless that candidate is Kobe.

(And for the record, I predicted this would happen.)

Update! Doc posted the following comment to this post: "Those are fair criticisms of Kobe. But why not weigh in against Garnett as well? He spent the fourth quarter pulling the same moves (screaming into the air, raising his arms to the crowd, shaking his head threateningly) against a sub-.500 playoff opponent that the Celtics were beating by 20. This is after Garnett had been shooting around 36% from the field. Kobe at least turned in a dominating all-around performance against a 50-win team, who were within 5 at one point of the fourth quarter. Can't argue with you that he has a real hard time exhibiting class, but those standards should be applied across the board, especially when the other guy in question is your MVP choice."

Those are good points, Doc. I'm slightly abashed to admit that I stepped away from the fourth quarter of that game to do a few things...so I didn't see KG's antics. For the record, I wouldn't have appreciated them. There is one caveat, though, which is tha Garnett has acted that way for most of his career: Winning, losing, up 20, down 20, in big games, in meaningless games. It's part of that whole intense "wildman" persona he uses to amp up his game. It just seems more like a natural behavior -- like a tea kettle letting off steam or a dog humping your leg -- than what Kobe did. You get the feeling that KG can't contain his freakosity; when Kobe does it, he's clearly trying to show his opponents up.

Update! George Karl: Once again, my oversights are corrected by a reader. Rob Mahoney from Upside and Motor had this to say: "Wait, you put Kenyon Martin and the Nugs on Worst of the Night, but no mention of George Karl? No love for the mastermind who decided Martin and Edward Najera were good covers for Kobe? I honestly think his Karlness would be offended that you wouldn't feature him in a post about the worst of the NBA." Far be it from me to offend somebody who took the "D" out of Enver.

Steven Hunter and Ira Newble: One of the hidden subplots of the Nuggets-Lakers series is the duel between lousy roleplayers. Hunter and Newble each had a one trillion last night.

Reggie Miller: Rob S. let us know that Reggie continues to give color commentary lessons in the Knave's English: "I'm just watching the Lakers-Nuggets game and there's about 4 minutes left in the third and Reggie Miller just said, 'Kobe garnishes a lot of attention,' like Kobe is a sprig of cilantro or something. One might suspect he meant to say Kobe GARNERS a lot of attention, but at this point I really don't think Reggie even knows what he means to say. Awful." As a long-time Pacers fan, I officially have no comment. (Although my unofficial comment is, "Gak.") Update! Another Miller-related tidbit from Austen: "How about an extra 'Worst of the Night' bit for Reggie Miller for that idiotic bit during the Nuggets-Lakers game regarding the Celtics/Lakers Finals Matchups. He went through three minutes worth of stats only to have his final point be 'so as you can see, having that #1 Seed is a real plus!' No s***, Sherlock!"

Update! ESPN, TNT, NBA TV, and ABC: More from Austen: "Another Worst of the Night should go to ESPN/TNT/NBA TV/ABC for completely ignoring the Jazz/Rockets series once the Jazz won that first game. Ever since then (and I noticed this last night), whenever the commentators would remind everyone of the games coming up the next couple of days, the next in the Jazz/Rockets series would be conveniently left out. The commentators wouldn't mention it, and there wouldn't be a line of text about it on the screen, either. I know the Jazz have this series sewn up and the league despises the Jazz in general for being a small market team knocking out big market teams, but this series still has 2 games left! I wonder if this is as insulting to Rockets fans as it is to this Jazz fan."

Labels: Andre Iguodala, Andre Miller, Denver Nuggets, Joe Johnson, Josh Smith, Kenyon Martin, Kobe Bryant, Mike Bibby, Philadelphia 76ers, Reggie Miller, Tony Allen

Al Horford: Yeah, I know it was an accident and everything, but Horford's foul on T.J. Ford looked pretty bad. Not only that, it ended with Ford -- who missed the entire 2004-05 season after neck surgery -- getting carried off the floor on a stretcher. Ford is going to be hospitalized overnight, so we'll know more tomorrow, but Raptors spokesman Jim LaBumbard confirmed that Ford "had feeling in his upper and lower extremities when he was taken off the floor." So let's keep our fingers and toes crossed for this kid.

Fun fact: I feel kind of like a jerk for saying this, but you know, Ford might not have gotten hurt if the refs had just made the call on what was a pretty obvious travel. I mean, he took three full steps after his last dribble.

Josh Smith: Maybe Smith had a hot date after the game or something, because his mind sure wasn't focused on playing basketball. The Hawks' second-leading scorer (18.4 PPG) had put up 28, 25, and 25 in his last three games, but tonight he scored only 5 points (2-11), committed 7 turnovers, and fouled out in 28 minutes of action.

Fun fact: Raptors rookie Jamario Moon hasn't attempted a freethrow since November 30. In fact, he's only gone to the line in 8 of the Hawks 21 games this season for a total of 18 freethrow attempts.

Indiana Pacers: These guys just can't seem to stay above .500. They were down 21 after the first quarter (37-16) and never seriously threatened after that. Lebron James finally returned from his tender vagina sprained left index finger, but the real story was the return of Larry Hughes. In only his second game back from an 11-game absence (bruised leg), Hughes scored 36 points (13-17) in only 26 minutes of action. Said Pacers coach Jim O'Brien: "I thought they had two Lebron Jameses out there."

Fun fact: With Lebron and Hughes both out, Eric Snow had actually been getting some big minutes (for him). Now that those guys are back, I figured he'd be back on the bench, waving towels and passing out Gatorade during timeouts. Fortunately for him, Daniel Gibson missed the game with "a wisdom tooth problem," and so Snow was once again called upon to provide a warm body: 2 points (1-1) in 29 minutes. He's now scored a grand total of 10 points this season on 2-15 shooting.

Antoine Walker: I was tempted to bust on Minnesota's Chris Richard and his line of 9 minutes, 1 rebound, and 1 foul. But to be fair, the kid's a rookie who was drafted in the second round. But Walker -- who played 8 minutes, scored 2 points (1-6), grabbed 1 rebound, and committed 2 turnovers -- that guy's a three-time All-Star and a...a...a former NBA champion (yes, I just threw up in my mouth a little). Now he's playing garbage minutes on the worst team in the league. Oh how the mighty have fallen.

Fun fact: On December 17, 2001, Walker shot 0-11 from three-point range, thus setting the record for most three-point attempts by a player in one game without a make.

New Jersey Nets: They shot 32 percent (26-81). Kidd had one of his patented triple-doubles -- 11 points, 10 rebounds, 11 assists -- but he and the rest of the Nets' "Big Three" (Vince Carter and Richard Jefferson) shot a combined 14-46 from the floor. Think Kidd wants out? You'd better believe it.

Fun fact: Jason Collins went scoreless again, marking the 14th time in 23 games that he hasn't scored a single point. He has more than twice as many fouls (62) as points (26). Keep in mind, the man is seven feet tall, 260 pounds, and a starting center in the NBA. Even Greg Ostertag wasn't this bad.

Brevin Night: Remember how a few seasons ago he was averaging 12 points and 9 assists per game? Heck, he was second in the league in assists to Steve Nash during Nash's first MVP season. Now he's transformed into Eric Snow 2.0. His line against the Nets was: 29 minutes, zero points (0-3), 2 rebounds, 7 assists. He also had his first blocked shot of the season, which puts him only one blocked shot behind Zach Randolph.

Seattle Supersonics: You know, young, unproven teams are supposed to bring hustle and passion to every single game. That's how respect is earned. Well, apparently, the Sonics don't feel like they have much to prove. The whole team looked lethargic in their 27-point loss to the Bulls. After they were outscored 40-18 in the second quarter, they basically just gave up and went through the motions until the final buzzer. As an aside, Chicago is in the midst of a little mini-surge. They've won three of four and actually look like the Bulls of last season.

Fun fact: Some people have been leaving comments that I've been unfair in my criticism of Kevin Durant, so I decided to watch him very closely last night. And you know what? I wasn't that impressed. It's not all negative; he runs the floor well, has a real nose for the basket, and is generally able to get his shot off when he needs to. But he's completely one-dimensional; he's a scorer and that's it. He had one lonely rebound, and not once did he crash the boards or even commit himself to blocking out his man. He defense was substandard at best. And he really doesn't create for his teammates. I know this was only one game, and not one of his better games of the season. Even so, I'm just not seeing anything from this kid that I haven't seen before from volume shooters.

Utah Jazz: They lost their fourth straight game to the suddenly surging Blazers (9-12). To make matters worse, they lost at home (where they had been 8-1) to a lousy road team (they had been 1-9) that was missing their leading scorer (LaMarcus Aldridge). Most of the Jazz were misfiring all night: Deron Williams (4-14), Mehmet Okur (3-10), Matt Harpring (1-5), Gordan Giricek (1-8), Jason Hart (2-7), and C.J. Miles (2-7). But Utah's biggest problem was the fact that Andre Kirilenko transformed into the Invisible Man: 25 minutes, 3 points (1-3), 4 rebounds, zero assists, 2 turnovers. Yes, Carlos Boozer and Williams are the twin engines that run the Jazz, but Kirilenko is the catalyst, the game changer, the defensive stopper. When he's not doing what he does, the Jazz become a pretty mediocre team.

Fun fact: Jaron Collins must be having a Suck-Off Competition with his brother Jason. Jaron's line was 2 points (0-1), 2 rebounds, and 1 foul in 13 mintues of action. I don't know what's more pathetic, that stat line or the fact that it was vastly superior to Jason's line (see above).

San Antonio Spurs: Playing without Tim Duncan finally caught up with them. Pretty much everybody on the team sucked last night except...Matt Bonner?! Yes, that's right, Bonner was fantastic: 25 points (9-16) and 17 rebounds. But before you run off to pick him up for your fantasy team, keep in mind that those numbers are about 25 points and 17 rebounds higher than his season averages.

Fun fact: When Bonner was drafted in 2003, Jay Bilas referred to him as a "poor man's Brian Scalabrine." Three years later, in his NBA preview on ESPN.com, Chad Ford ironically called Scalabrine a "poor man's Matt Bonner." And life comes full circle.

Robert Horry: Hm, 8 minutes, zero points (0-1), 2 rebounds, 1 assist, and several applications of Ben-Gay. Yeah, I'd say he's showing his age.

Troy Hudson: He went above and beyond the call of duty, notching the exceedingly rare two trillion.

Labels: Al Horford, Antoine Walker, Eric Snow, Indiana Pacers, Josh Smith, New Jersey Nets, Seattle Supersonics, T.J.Ford, Worst of the Night