The Miami cHeat: In the BAD comments, AnacondaHL said: "Tomorrow's post could just be an in-depth play-by-play of the last 5 minutes." We'll start with a basic play-by-play of Miami's offensive possessions over the final six minutes and 50 seconds:

6:50: Chris Bosh missed 18-footer
6:05: Bosh missed 18-footer
5:15: Bosh turnover
4:48: Dwyane Wade turnover
4:18: Mike Miller turnover
3:33: Miller missed three-pointer
2:59: Wade missed three-pointer
2:25: LeBron James missed 17-footer
2:25: Miller offensive rebound
2:17: Miller missed layup
2:16: Wade loose ball foul
1:53: Bosh 2-for-2 from the line
1:09: Haslem misses jumper
0:30: Wade 1-for-2 from the line (missed tying free throw)
0:09: Wade dunk
0:01: Miller airballed desperation three-pointer

To sum up: missed jumper, missed jumper, turnover, turnover, turnover, missed jumper, missed jumper, missed jumper, missed layup, two made free throws, missed jumper, one made free throw, dunk, missed jumper.

Remember: Miami's offense feature two of the top five players on the planet. And another All-Star to boot.

Also remember: LeBron James is either the Next Michael Jordan or destined to be even greater. Speaking of which...

LeBron James: Remember how Jason Terry's trash talk was supposed to "fuel the Heat's fire"? And how, when Terry questioned whether LeBron could consistently shut him down in the fourth quarter over seven games, Bosh said:

"You have to let sleeping dogs lie sometimes. It's motivation. For us, it is an opportunity to not let up. Guys are talking and it fuels you.

"If he wants LeBron to turn it up then that's great motivation for LeBron," Bosh said. "Guys remember that when we're out on the floor. LeBron is going to remember that late in the game when it is close and Terry is going to try to get going. LeBron is going to guard him and we'll see who comes out on top."

Well then.

From ESPN Stats and Information:

One of the big storylines heading into Game 4 was the comments made by Jason Terry and how LeBron James would guard him in the fourth quarter. Terry backed up his talk and nearly outscored the Heat's Big Three by himself down the stretch. Terry had eight points in the final quarter and didn't turn the ball over while Wade, James and Bosh combined for nine points and five turnovers.

LeBron had eight points and it was the first time in his 90 career playoff games that he was held to single-digit points. His teams are now 0-7 when he scores 15 points or fewer in a postseason game. James attempted just one shot in the fourth quarter and failed to score despite playing all 12 minutes. This is just the second time he's failed to score in the final period of any playoff game.

Dirk's dominating performance and LeBron's disappearing act in the fourth quarter this game continues a trend from the entire series. Nowitzki has now outscored James 44-9 in the final period while making as many field goals as James has attempted while making six times as many free throws.

LeBron's final line: 46 minutes, 3-for-11, 8 points, 9 rebouns, 7 assists, 2 steals, 4 turnovers, 4 fouls, -6. And, of course, that big old goose egg in the fourth quarter.

Said Bosh: "He struggled. Point blank, period."

Continued LeBron: "I've got to do a better job of being more assertive offensively. I'm confident in my ability. It's just about going out there and knocking them down."

Added cHeat coach Erik Spoelstra: "We'll have to look at the film. Obviously we would like to get him involved. He's a very important piece to what we do. So we'll work to help make it easier for him next game."

Wait, what? Miami's coaching staff needs to look at the film to get LeBron James more involved in the team's offense?

Anyway, back to...

The Miami cHeat: I highlighted the final 6:50, but check out Miami's fourth quarter totals: 14 points on 5-for-15 shooting (33 percente) with 6 turnovers. LeBron went scoreless. Bosh went 8-for-12 in the first half but only 1-for-7 over the final 24 minutes, and he clanked consecutive jump shots down the stretch. Wade missed a freebie that would have tied the game with half a minute to go.

Then, after Terry knocked down two free throws with 6.7 seconds left to put Dallas up 86-83, Spoelstra called a 20-second timeout to get possession in the frontcourt. Miller inbounded to D-Wade, but Wade (who was curling around a screen) took his eyes off the ball and it bobbled off his hands. Pookie barely managed to recover the ball and fling it to Miller for what may have been the crappiest and most hopeless last second shot attempt I've ever seen in a Finals game: A 30-footer over Tyson Chandler while falling out of bounds.


Said Wade: "I saw an opening. Mike threw the ball and I was trying to get to the opening, probably before I caught it. That's how I lost it. Obviously I would love to have that play back. We would love to have a lot of plays back."

Another fourth quarter collapse. And this is a trend, folks.

Jeff Fogle of Hoopdata writes:

Let's take a look at the final six minutes from each of the four games played so far. That will give us a 24-minute "half" of basketball we can use for a crunch time comparison.

FINAL 6 MINUTE "SCORES" IN EACH GAME:
Game One: Miami 17, Dallas 15
Game Two: Dallas 20, Miami 5
Game Three: Dallas 12, Miami 7
Game Four: Dallas 11, Miami 7

Total: Dallas 58, Miami 36

How's that for a "halftime score?!" Let that register for a minute. Dallas is up 22 points IN CRUNCH TIME, putting points on the board consistently against a defense that now, suddenly, isn't looking so scary. And, Miami should be pretty humiliated that they just popped 5, 7, and 7 points in the final six minutes of the last three games. It took a huge first game just to get them to 36! Dallas is up 43-19 in the final six minutes of action during the last three games.

Some people are citing fatigue, which sounds reasonable considering the Nazgul keep logging 40+ minutes a game. But then how do you explain Dirk's 44 fourth quarter points over four games? Nowitzki's logging epic minutes, too, and he scored 10 points down the stretch last night despite a sinus infection and a reported fever of 101 degrees.

By the way, during these Finals, Dallas is now +30 when Dirk is on the floor and -35 when he's not. With all due respect to Henry Abbott and Rick Reilly, in my humble opinion, the MVP of the playoffs so far is seven feet tall and blond.


Dwyane Wade: Pookie was Miami's player of the game (32 points, 13-for-20, 6 rebounds) but he bricked three freebies -- including one that would have tied the game -- and blew the final play of the game to hell. As stephanie g pointed out: "LeBron looked like a big armless Rondo out there and Marion is arguably outplaying him for the series, or at least playing him to a draw. All the same, imagine if LeBron missed a critical freethrow and had butter fingers on the inbound pass like Wade did."

Three-point shooting: Clink. Clank. Clunk. Dallas went 4-for-19 from downtown and Miami was 2-for-14. The two starting lineups combined to go 0-for-13. Is fatigue setting in on both sides? Sure looks like it.

Peja Stojakovic: His NBA Finals minutes were stolen by...Brian Cardinal.

Wow.

Brendan Haywood: How poorly did he play in his three-minute stint? His only stat was one foul committed and the Mavs were outscored by 10 points while he was on the floor, prompting Tyson Chandler to jump up and ask Dallas coach Rick Carlisle to be subbed back in.

Said Chandler: "I told Coach, 'You have to get me back out there, I will play 48 (minutes) if I need to.'"

Speaking of Chandler...

Tyson Chandler: We call this an ego-ectomy:


LeBron James, flop machine: Didn't James Harden get crucified for shenanigans like this? Memo to LeBron: You're too good for theatrics like this.


Dirk Nowitzki, quote machine, Part 1: "Just battle it out. This is the finals. You have to go out there and compete and try your best for your team. So that's what I did."

Dirk Nowtizki, quote machine, Part 2: "There's no long term. I'll be alright on Thursday. ... Hopefully I'll get some sleep tonight, take some meds and be ready to go on Thursday."

Tyson Chandler, quote machine: "The average person, you know, has sick days and battling 100-something (fever), it's just tough to get out of bed. This guy is playing against the best athletes in the world."

Chris Bosh, quote machine: "There is not an illness report before the game or anything. I've never been out there and somebody pointed and said, 'He's got a fever!' "

Erik Spoelstra, quote machine: "This series is a jump ball. These guys live for these type of moments. It's about execution and disposition in the fourth quarter, being able to close out. We have a golden opportunity in the next game."

Jason Terry, quote machine: "The aggression was there for me personally. And I like that, that I was on the attack, which I said I would be. But as far as that relating into baskets, it didn't really happen for me."

Brian Cardinal, quote machine, Part 1: From TrueHoop: "It's The King vs. The Custodian! It's an unbelievable player against ... me."

Brian Cardinal, quote machine, Part 2: Also from TrueHoop: "[The Custodian is] a nickname from back in the day. Now I'm just happy if people call me Brian."

Chris' NBA Finals Lacktion Report: Brendan Haywood hobbled his way to a foul in 185 seconds, earning a +1 suck differential and a 1:0 Madsen-level Voskuhl. Fellow Texan Peja Stojakovic had only two seconds of playing time for a celebratory Super Mario!

Labels: 2011 NBA Finals, Dallas Mavericks, Dirk Nowitzki, Jason Terry, Lebron James, Miami Heat, Worst of the Night

Grant apparently caught of whiff of something nasty?Ah, it's probably just the standard old man stank.
Update! Celtics-Timberwolves: From Basketbawful reader A:

No Celtics-Timberwolves bawful? Oh Lord, speaking as a Celtics fans, let me count the fail:

Paul "Best Player in the World" Pierce goes off against the Timberwolves' "defense" to the tune of 10 points on 3-of-12 shooting. 4 of those 10 points came from superstar calls, such as when Pierce shouldered Oleksiy Pecherov in the chin and inexplicably went to the line.

Speaking of Mr. Pecherov, he apparently lost the memo that the Celtics were the Best Defensive Team Evah, scoring 24 points to lead all scorers on very efficient 9-of-14 shooting, adding 8 rebounds to the stat line. Oleksiy Pecherov. I wish I was making that up.

The Wolves, though, were not immune to the rampant suckage. Apparently deciding that home victories against elite teams are highly overrated, the Wolves decided to let Rajon Rondo go off to the tune of 14 points in the third quarter, letting the Little Big Man singlehandedly bring the flat, lifeless Celtics back into the game. I guess the first 6 points he scored weren't enough, they just had to let him tack on 8 more.

Boston, after shooting lights out from beyond the arc against Philly, lay a 5-for-19 brick wall around the Target Center. Rasheed Wallace -- whose field goal attempts were all threes, by the way -- contributed by bricking 5 of his 7. And he picked up his second technical of the season. From the bench.

And still, the T-Wolves could have won the game, if Corey Brewer -- who played a pretty good game -- understood that the best way to get a high-percentage, game-tying shot isn't to go right at Kevin Garnett. Because I hear that this Garnett guy is pretty good at defense.

The Phoenix Suns: Sure, they were missing Leandro Barbosa (sore right wrist), but the Magic were minus two former All-Stars: Rashard Lewis (suspension) and Vince Carter (sprained ankle). That should have evened things out, right? Wrong. The Suns simply couldn't keep their men in front of them, letting Orlando shoot 52 percent from the field and from beyond the arc. Phoenix kept things close in the first half, but fatigue rendered oldies-but-goodies Steve Nash (12 points, 5-for-11, 4 assists, 3 turnovers) and Grant Hill (0-for-5 for zero points, 3 boards and an assist) ineffective as the Suns lost by 22. By the way, their combined plus-minus score was -42.

Note that I called this in the comments section of yesterday's post. It's not that I don't like the Suns. I root like hell for them. But I've watched a lot of my favorite players get older: Larry Bird, Robert Parish, Kevin McHale, Reggie Miller, Karl Malone, John Stockton, Charles Barkley...so on and so forth. Even when they were "old" in basketball terms, those guys could still rip off big games and lead their teams to 50-win seasons. In fact, their teams might have won close to 60 if not for long road trips and back-to-back games. But scheduling is a bitch. I couldn't help but notice, while watching those players age, that they would struggle mightily on the second night of back-to-backs, especially on the road. Bird's Celtics and Malone's Jazz lost to some truly awful teams and got destroyed by good teams under those circumstances. On paper, with all things being equal, those teams should have been competitive every night. But all things aren't equal. Fatigue sets in. Now that I'm into my 30s, I get that in a way I never understood before. If I play basketball on back-to-back nights, I'm hurtin'. (It doesn't help that I'm one of those "dive for every loose ball" and "sprint down the floor on every possession" guys.)

At any rate, as long as the Suns rely so heavily on Steve Nash, they're going to be at their best when Captain Canada has a little rest going for him.

As a sidenote, Phoenix gave up 25 points on 18 turnovers. That didn't help.

The "We're not going to go 82-0" watch: Said Suns coach Alvin Gentry: "Well, dreams of an undefeated season have gone down."

By the way, Dwyane Wade joined the "We're not going 82-0" club yesterday via his Twitter page. Thanks to Basketbawful reader gf for the head's up and the pic:


Stan Van Gundy, unintentionally dirty quote machine: "We don't let people bang on them like that." Van Gundy was actually talking about how his team defends perimeter players like Dwyane Wade and LeBron James.

Vince Carter: He looks a little too happy to be not playing...doesn't he? By the way, nice fucking suit, but I feel sorry for the homeless guy you mugged to get it.

Because nobody can point out your failures if you don't play.
Gilbert Arenas: The Agent formerly known as Zero scored a team-high 32 points, but he went 9-for-27 and missed six of his eight three-point attempts. He also blew two crunch-time plays: losing the ball on a layup attempt with 17 seconds left and tossing a lob pass off the rim at the end of the game. Of the latter play, Gil said: "It hit the rim. That's it. It's not rocket science -- it hit the rim." And see, that last quote is the real reason I'm including Arenas in WotN. He just become so joyless these days. Sure, sometimes his clowning around seemed counterproductive to winning, but it was also part of what made him so much fun to follow and watch. The league has enough grim and depressing heroes. I miss the old Gilbert Arenas.

DeShawn Stevenson: Speaking of goats in Washington Wizards uniforms...DeShawn shanked two free throws with 44 seconds left, after which Dwyane Wade knocked down the go-ahead jumper.

Mike James The Amityville Scorer started 50 games for the Wizards last season. This season, he has five DNP-CDs in five games.

The Detroit Pistons: You know what I love? When, early in an NBA season, a team pulls out an improbable win and therefore generates buzz it probably can't live up to. That's what happened the previous night when the Pistons -- minus Tayshaun Prince and Rip Hamilton -- beat the Rashard Lewis-less and Vince Carter-less Magic in Detroit (thanks in part to some pretty serious home cookin'). Well, a change in venue didn't agree with the Pistons last night. In Toronto, they were outscored 44-28 in the second quarter and that was pretty much the game. Ben Gordon, who had a season-high 30 points, said: "Needless to say, you let anybody in the league score that many points and it's going to be tough to counter that. It seemed like every possession they got a good shot or got to the free throw line. It's tough to win like that, when you're not really stopping them at all. They're either going to get a good look or get some free throws."

The New Jersey Nyets: Folks, when you watch the Nyets, you may be watching the worst team in professional basketball. And I'm including the pro clubs in countries like Kerplackistan. Yes, yes, I know they were minus Devin Harris (groin strain) and Yi Jianlian (right knee sprain), and I also know they were playing a team on fire (the Denver Nuggets). But 28-point home losses give everyone The Sad. The biggest lowlight of the game was when the Nyets were outscored 44-26 in the third quarter. Said Eduardo "Yes, I'm still in the league" Najera: "Every game, including the preseason, we struggle in the third quarter. I don't know what it is but we have to figure it out. We can't come out every third quarter and basically let the other team do whatever they want." True, Eduardo. But, then, you can't really stop them either...because you guys suck. I'm just sayin'.

Fun fact: The Nyets are off to their worst start in franchise history, matching the 0-5 mark of the 1996-97 squad. HISTORIC FAIL.

The New York Knicks: Going into last night's game, the Pacers were winless and, frankly, looked hapless. But nothing acts like an antidote for crappy play quite like a trip to the Big Apple! In an ugly game that featured a combined 6 fast break points (4 for Indy and 2 for New York), the defenseless Pacers held the Knicks to 39 percent shooting. How can this happen to a team coached by Mike D'Antoni, a.k.a. "The Man WHo Made Steve Nash"? I mean, the Knicks went without a field goal for the final nine-plus minutes last night. That's some serious offensive fail for such a genuis of offense.

Said David Lee: "Our problems in this game started and ended on the offensive end. We talk a lot about our defense, but our offense in the second half, for us to shoot under 40 percent isn't a good sign." Added D'Antoni: "For whatever reason, it seems every time we get stuck or whatever, instead of having a little more determination or patience, we just jack one up and that kind of got us in trouble in the second half." I thought just jacking one up was the D'Antoni Philosophy at its most crystalline. Oh well. For the record, Chris Duhon, who supposedly became nearly as good as Nash under D'Antoni last season, finished with 10 points (4-for-13) and 6 assists.

Dirk Nowitzki: How did Der Blond Bombermeister do last night against defenders not named Mehmet "The Prop" Okur? Here's how: 12 points, 4-for-15 shooting, 5 rebounds, 2 assists, 6 fouls. So can we please all just calm down about that 29-point fourth quarter against the Jazz? I could probably score 29 points in a quarter if I was being guarded by a Turkish statue.

Dirk objects -- no, strenuously objects -- to beingguarded by someone other than Memo Okur.
Jason Terry and Juan Jose Barea: The Mavs had a 97-94 lead over the Hornets with 10 seconds to go. And they could have clinched the game had Terry and Barea been able to connect on a free throw. However, Terry missed a technical free throw and Jose Barea missed two more foul shots, setting up a game-tying three-pointer by Stojakovic (who had been 0 for 5 from long range before that by the way). Dallas then went on to lose in overtime. Said Terry: "It's a lost opportunity. We showed a lot of heart and a lot of determination. The key things we talk about all of the time and the little things ... free throws, getting out on shooters and fouling when we are up three. Those things are what championship teams do. Obviously, we're not there yet. We'll learn from this." Wait, wait, wait...hasn't this team been to the NBA Finals? Hasn't your point guard, Jason Kidd, been to two more NBA Finals? Yet you guys need to learn to hit foul shots, get out on shooters and not foul when you're ahead? Really?!

Ron Artest: Bottom line...he's still crazy. Here's some prose from the AP recap of the Lakers-Rockets game:

Artest guarded Ariza from the opening tip, and the two were immediately jawing at one another. They earned offsetting technical fouls with 9:11 left in the first quarter.

At one point, Ariza said Artest tried to put his hand around Ariza's neck.

"I don't have hard feelings," Ariza said. "It was emotional, I guess you could say."

Artest said he thought about giving Ariza a hard shot, but backed down for fear of a fine or a suspension.

"You know if somebody hits me, I'm going to react," the famously temperamental Artest said. "I got hit with about three elbows. It's just not fair. I don't want to fight, I don't feel like doing it. If you throw an elbow into Ron Artest's chest, do you know who you're hitting?

"But I give up, I just give up," he said. "I'm not fighting anymore. You could elbow me, smack me, use me as a punching bag. I'm not reacting anymore, I'm tired."

Poor, poor, poor Ron Artest: the most persecuted man in the NBA. By the way, Ron, trying to put your hand around someone's neck? That's called "reacting." Just, you know, FYI.

Derek Fisher: Can't believe I missed this one, but 49er16 didn't: "In the Lakers game, Derek Fisher some how played 34 minutes and recorded no points, assists, or rebounds. He did pick up two fouls and two steals."

Update! Trevor "Arizona": From NarSARSsist: "No love for Trevor Ariza, Bawful? In this first A-A meeting between he and Artest, he was absolutely desperate to stick it to his former teammates. The problem is, he was gunning so poorly that I couldn't help but wonder if the Lakers did it to plant a mole in the Rockets. The Rockets did nab 17 offensive boards, so maybe he was just serving up some KBAs learned from his old pal MambaKobe (in fact, 9 of those shanks resulted in offensive rebounds). It's just amazing to me that with five teammates shooting 4/10, 5/12, 7/15, 7/9, and 9/12, he opted to just jack up shots like crazy. Sure he made the game-tying 3PT in regulation, but you know, had he been serving up real assists instead of KBAs earlier, the Rockets might have, you know, won? Thank you, Ariza, for helping the Lakers win yet another game."

The Memphis Grizzlies: The Golden State Warriors have officially exited the ranks of the NBA's winless teams, thanks to a victory over the Grizzlies. Memphis got strangely efficient shooting from Allen Iverson (8-for-12...off the bench!), but there was no defense to be seen or heard as Golden State shot 54 percent from the field and 58 percent from downtown.

Pictured above: FAIL.
Now here's where I go on a rant. It's not secret that NBA teams circle games against inferior defenses and go into those games with an attitude that, "Hey, I'm gonna drop a season or career-high on these guys." I've heard and read countless anecdotes to that effect. But you know what you rarely ever hear or read about? Guys going into games against poor, inefficient or undisciplined offenses and saying, "We're gonna lock their asses down." That happens with teams like Boston, Cleveland and San Antonio...and that's about it.

The Warriors are one of the least disciplined offensive teams in the league. Yeah, they can drop a lot of points, but usually only on the unprepared or unwary. If I was facing the Warriors, I would take delight in shutting them down. Wouldn't that attitude lead to a decent handful of wins every year, even for sad sack teams like the Griz?

Lacktion report: Chris continues to work harder on lacktion reports than many NBA ballers work in the games.

Pistons-Raptors: DaJuan Summers seasoned up his Excite Bike cartridge with the Game Genie, for a glitchy 40 second Mario!!!!

Suns-Magic: Jarron Collins took down one board in 12:24, only to foul twice for a Madsen-level 2:1 Voskuhl.

Heat-Wizards: Dominic McGuire's streak of suck came to an ignominous end tonight with a DNP-CD, but teammate Javale McGee provided a walking, breathing analogy for the biggest industry in the nation's capital, missing a shot for a +1 suck differential in 8:16.

Celtics-Wolves: Brian Scalabrine has returned to his tobacco-friendly ways, serving as the human victory cigar in a rather close match by fouling once for a +1 in 3:50. On the other end of the court, Minnesota's Wayne Ellington elegantly conducted a song of securities tonight, earning himself a 3.9 trillion.

Lakers-Rockets: Despite a board, David Andersen earned a Voskuhl of 3:1 due to three fouls and a brick in 5:51.

ALSO, in comments, Rich Muhlach writes:
"Hey Chris, dunno if you watched the Lakers vs Rockets game last night but former Laker Brian Cook did enter the game during a free throw (if I remember correctly, it was when Chuck Hayes fouled out) and the commentators were even saying something like he was a former Laker a few years back. But then after the free throw, he was subbed out again. That's why the box score reads DNP-CD, coz he never actually got playing time. But what do you call that Mario of getting sent into the game during a dead ball and getting subbed out again before the clock even starts?"

Rich, I think Mr. Cook here has just powered up his Wii for the greatest Super Mario Galaxy in the history of the Association. But is "Super Mario Galaxy" vast enough to describe what Rick Adelman just created last night!? Stay tuned.

Dan B. chimes in...
"A dead-ball situation Mario, so short that it doesn't even register on the game clock... maybe we should call it a Luigi since it's like a Mario, only less relevant?" Promising suggestion right there, man...

Mavs-Hornets: Quinton Ross got a stock tip from Mark Cuban and returned from the boilerroom with a 2.5 trillion. Meanwhile, Hilton Armstrong checked into the chamber of contribution with a steal and an assist in a 6:35 stay, only to foul twice and brick thricely for a 2:0 Voskuhl.

Hawks-Kings: Although the purple paupers were reduced to poverty by the birds from Georgia, Paul Westphal made sure to provide as much lacktion as he could. Desmond Mason had a barrow on Market Boulevard but didn't bring home wealth, instead fouling once for a +1 in 3:24 while Sean May provided the Maloofs' their inspiration for the evening with a 5.85 trillion.

Grizzlies-Warriors: Memphis's Hasheem Thabeet turned the rock over twice and fouled once for a +3 in 3:51, also good for a 3:0 Voskuhl. Trey Gilder sprinted on RC Pro Am for a mere 42 seconds, leading to a Mario.

Labels: DeShawn Stevenson, Detroit Pistons, Dirk Nowitzki, Gilbert Arenas, Jason Terry, Juan Jose Barea, Memphis Grizzlies, New Jersey Nets, New York Knicks, old teams, Phoenix Suns, Stan Van Gundy

The Dallas Mavericks: They followed up a rousing victory over the Spurs with a smackdown in the Big Easy. Only the Mavs were on the receiving end of that smackdown. They didn't have it on offense (39 percent shooting) or defense (the Hornets connected on 56 percent of their field goals). In all fairness, though, it was unlikely that they were going to beat the Spurs AND the Hornets in a back-to-back situation, particularly since the second game was on the road. As Jason Terry put it: "We just ran out of juice. It wasn't a lack of effort. There just wasn't enough juice left in the tank." Speaking of Jason...

Jason Terry: Oooo. Highlighted by Chris Paul.


Tyson "I still can't believe they tried to trade me" Chandler had to pick his jaw up off the floor after that one: "Incredible. He made one of the best moves I've ever seen in my life -- on an NBA player. I was at halfcourt and I just stopped. I couldn't even finish the break because I had never seen anything like that." Nice excuse for being lazy, Tyson.

Apparently, Paul wasn't trying to show anybody up. He claimed afterward that he had no choice but to highlight Terry. "It was quick thinking. It was either run through him or throw the ball through his legs and pick it up on the other side. I've done it before in practice. ... It was the quickest thing I could come up with." I'm sure that provided some comfort to Jason after he was forced to watch that play for the 739th time on SportsCenter last night.

Speaking of Terry, he had something pretty, ahem, interesting to say after the Mavericks' victory over the Spurs on Wednesday night: "Erick Dampier is what makes this team go. He's the one we look for to seal our paint..." I'm gonna have to agree with Sir Charles on this one: If Dampier is what makes your team go, your team is in deep you-know-what. And as Erick's paint-sealing abilities: The Hornets got 13 layups and 10 dunks last night. I'm just sayin'.

Jason Kidd: His line: 36 minutes, 13 points (4-for-11), 5 rebounds, 2 assists, 2 turnovers. CP3's line: 27 points (10-for-18), 4 rebounds, 15 assists. Few things make J-Kidd look older than when he plays against Chris Paul. It's like arm-wrestling your grandpa.

Portland Trail Blazers: Yeah, 'Melo going off (38 points, 16-for-26) was probably unavoidable, seeing as this was his first game back from the one-game suspension he got for refusing to come out of a game. But 'Melo wasn't the only Nugget lighting things up against that Swiss cheese the Blazers called a "defense": J.R. Smith shot 7-for-12, Nene was 7-for-11 and Linas Kleiza finished 6-for-11. In all, Denver shot 53 percent as a team despite Mr. Big Shot's 3-for-13 clunker. Oh, and Portland missed 9 free throws. I can't get a handle on this team. I mean, they're pretty good, but, at the end of the day, they're ONLY pretty good. You know what I mean?

Update! Rudy Fernandez: Finally got some video to go with the picture at the top of this post:


If this was professional wrestling, the Birdman would have followed that up by jumping off a turnbuckle and hitting Rudy over the head with a steel chair. Then more hair smoovin'.

Update! Carmelo Anthony: (Via Ball Don't Lie.) I'll give 'Melo big points for self-mockery. But he's still the guy who refused to come out of a game last week, and accused his teammates of quitting in the playoffs last year, got caught at the airport with ganja in his backpack ("No, dude, it was my buddies pot!"), made an infamous appearance in Stop Snitchin' ("No, dude, that was a joke!"), threw a punch then ran away in the Knicks-Nuggets brawl (and the ensuing 15-game suspension may or may not have caused the Allen Iverson trade), got arrested for DUI...I'm just sayin'. I'd feel a lot better about Anthony if he could finish one season -- just one -- controversy-free.


Lacktion report: Chris, serving up lacktion, hot and fresh, since 2008:

Mavs-Hornets: Serving as Byron Scott's lacktator of choice, Ryan "I'm Not Bruce" Bowen did channel his namesake (a former trillionare champion!) through a fortune of 2.75 trillion.

Nuggets-Blazers: Sonny Weems seems to have come alive in adding to his All-Lacktion credentials since his selection to the squad of snoozers, panning a full 1.35 trillion worth of silver bouillon! Meanwhile, Johan Petro once again graces this section by racking up a Voskuhl (despite a block and three assists) of 4:1 in a 15:04 starting stint by taking four fouls against a brick and rebound.

Amare Stoudemire: Already ruled out for the rest of the regular season, STAT is now out for the playoffs as well. Assuming the Suns even make it to the postseason, that is. Dr. Pravin Dugel, the surgeon who performed Amare's detatched retina surgery, said: "Not this season, not at all. The Suns have the same goal -- to make sure he can resume his career. ... It's very difficult to explain to anyone how serious this is. It's more serious than any knee or ankle surgery. The healing is excruciatingly slow and delicate." That sounds pretty grim. Remember how team physicians advised him to wear goggles permenantly? If only he'd listened.

Still, I don't see what the big deal is. Can't we just fit Stoudemire with a Six Million Dollar Man-style bionic eye? There's one at Walmart for $49.76. Heck, I'll buy it myself, but the Suns will have to handle the installation. According to the bio-eye's Features & Specifications: "Table salt looks like blocks of ice. Fine hair looks like twisted rope. Even your own skin looks alien!" Sweet!

The mirdle: Since most men currently subsist on a diet composed entirely of gravy, frosting, and Twinkies covered in gravy and frosting, anti-flab fashion experts have invented the mirdle, which is a cute name for "man girdle." Basically, it's a spandex tank top that's two to three sizes too small for the disgusting, fleshy horror you call a body. It's purpose: To suck in your flopping beer belly as well as those unsightly man-boobs.

According to Gavin Jones, head of the Australian company Equmen, which launched the "mirdle" in London's Selfridges department store: "Men are under a lot of pressure right now to perform financially, socially and romantically. Why shouldn't we have the same products that women have had for years to make us feel better?" If that's the case, Gavin, what's next on your make-guys-feel-better-with-chick-stuff invention agenda? Manpons? Mangisil? Manscara? Daniel Craig?

The report justifies the invention of this abomination by stating the rising sales of male grooming products and clothing. Also: "And similarly men's underwear sales are growing faster than women's, with Selfridges recording a 21 per cent rise in sales of men's pants in 2008 while women's underwear grew by only ten percent." There's a very simple explanation for this: Men hate doing laundry. Hate it. So that makes underwear a disposable item. Personally, I buy a new six pack every week, which of course means I have to go commando at least one day -- usually Sunday -- but that's probably TMI. And I'm not an underwear sales statistics expert, but I'd be willing to bet that 90 percent of that 21 percent increase is just the same perv buying underwear over and over to satisfy some horrific fetish. Not that I'm judging.

Men, take it from me. Instead of cramming yourself into a sausage wrapper, just stop being fat. And to help you out with this, here's a weight loss tip from me to you: Next time you notice your hands are stuffed full of ham and delicious cake, don't cram it into your mouth. It's that easy.

Kobe Bryant: Mamba poked Adam Morrison with a pin, and then said: "Oh, I'm sorry, did my pin get in the way of your ass? Do me a favor and lose five pounds immediately or GET OUT OF MY BUILDING LIKE NOW!" After the incident, Adam didn't eat for a week, but he lost the five pounds, so the story had a happy ending. Until he passed out due to hunger while driving.

Labels: Amare Stoudemire, bionic parts, Dallas Mavericks, Jason Kidd, Jason Terry, Portland Trail Blazers, the mirdle, Worst of the Night

Avery Johnson: Either Johnson is still a Spur at heart or he just enjoys throwing games, because last night's coaching poop-fiesta not only jerked defeat straight out of the snapping jaws of victory, it also proved -- once again -- that having a micro-managing control freak for a coach can absolutely kill a team down the stretch*. The Little General not only watched his team surrender a 10-point lead at the end of the third quarter, he actually contributed to the Spurs' game-changing 13-1 run by drawing a technical foul for beefing with the officials. Jason Terry also got T'ed up during that stretch. So Johnson can't control himself, and he can't control his players. That's shades of Rick Adelman and the early 90s Portland Trail Blazers. And that does not instill me with a great sense of hope for the Mavericks' playoff hopes.

*For further reading, please refer to the 2006 NBA Finals and/or the First Round of the 2007 Western Conference Playoffs.

But Johnson's greatest boner of the night was benching Jason Kidd for the final 30 seconds of the game. That's the same Jason Kidd that the Mavericks mortgaged their future for. The same Jason Kidd that supposedly gives the Mavs their best chance of winning a champtionship. The same Jason Kidd who is the starting point guard, the team's only true playmaker, and one of the greatest passers in the history of the NBA. Yes, folks, that Jason Kidd. So, instead of having Kidd try to create a play to get Dirk and company a nice, open shot, Johnson watched his team's final possessions go down like this: Dirk Nowitzki missed fadeaway jump shot, Dirk Nowitzki missed layup, Erick Dampier missed tip-in, and Jason Terry missed jump shot, stuffed by Bruce Bowen. Game over.

Right after the Kidd trade finally went through, Johnson had this to say: "He's going to help us, because at the end of games he just knows how to win. A big steal, a big block, a big rebound, big three, his penetration." So what happened between then and last night? Why didn't Johnson roll the dice with Mr. Big Block, Big Rebound, Big Three, Big Penetration? Here's why: "We wanted to spread the floor and give Dirk more room to operate." Okay. I get that...I guess. Kidd's an awful shooter. But you know who was on the floor for that final 30 seconds? Erick Dampier. Does Dampier open up a floor more than Kidd? I really don't think so. And I understand that Ericka was in there for her rebounding -- and she did take, and miss, a tip-in on the Mavs' final possession -- but, honestly, who would you rather have on the floor with game on the line and your team down by two points: Kidd or Dampier? I mean, is that even a question?

This may be an overreaction, and you all know by now that I'm occasionally prone to those, but I feel like I watched Dallas get knocked out of the playoffs already. Because of their coach.

Dirk Nowitzki and Jason Terry's clutchability: Forget their awful shooting -- a combined 7-for-25 on the night -- these guys couldn't hit a shot to win a game if their grandmas were in some sort of superhero-style death trap (I'm thinking a giant, bone-chilling snowcone or maybe huge pot full of grandma-eating flowers) and the old ladies' very lives depended on it. How many Dallas games over the last few years have ended the way last night's game did? Here's the answer: A lot. Kidd was supposed to fix this problem, but, great as he is, he can't fix anything from the pine.

Basketbawful: I really didn't think that sending DeSagana Diop to the Nets as part of the Kidd trade was that big of a deal. And I still don't. Mostly. But after watching Tim Duncan's 31-point, 15-rebound performance, I'm willing to concede that I might have been...not totally, 100 percent right about that.

The Trillion Twosome: As correctly pointed out by an anonymous reader, there were a couple trillion performances last night: Sean "I scored 1280 on the SAT" Williams had a two trillion while Kurt "I'm the final piece of San Antonio's championship puzzle" Thomas trudged his way to a four trillion. Note: The anonymous poster thought there was actually a hat trick of trillions. Unfortunately, Dorell "Mr." Wright actually scored 8 points and had a rebound against the Lakers.

The Milwaukee Bucks bench: Do you think that Larry Krystkowiak ever looks down his bench and wants to throw up in his mouth a little bit? Milwaukee's support staff contributed only 8 points in the Bucks' 120-106 loss to the Nets, and all of those points came from Charlie Bell (5) and Michael Ruffin (3). Yi Jianlian was the next "best" player off the bench with zero points (0-for-2), 1 rebound, 1 turnover, and 3 fouls in 10 minutes of lack-tion. Then there was Royal Ivey, who played almost 7 minutes and contributed 1 turnover. Dan Gadzuric played 2 minutes and had matched Ivey's turnover. Jake Voskuhl? 1 minute, 1 turnover. Bobby Simmons chipped in with a DNP-CD, which was probably the best thing he could have done.

Jason Williams: Pat Riley's going to throw a party when this guy's $9 million salary comes off the books after this season. I'd be willing to bet my collector's set of fake Larry Bird mustaches on it. Last night, Jason Williams might have lost his starting job to Marcus Banks -- yes, that Marcus Banks -- by scoring zero points (0-for-3), dishing only 3 assists, and racking up a +/- score of -19.

Dwyane Wade: Pookie's descent into sub-superstar status continued to continue last night. And you might not be able to tell from the raw numbers, but Kobe Bryant stuck Wade's head on a spit, cooked it over an open fire, and then ate it. With ketchup. It was a comedy of sadness, kind of like watching the UFC's heavyweight champion get into a fistfight with the guy who set the world record for extreme ironing. Flash missed 11 of his 17 shots, committed 4 turnovers -- including one in which Mamba stripped him clean and ran the ball downcourt for an uncontested dunk -- and almost fouled out of the game. And don't think for a minute that Kobe didn't enjoy rubbing Wade's nose in it.

Pat Riley: When Riles realized that he could actually sucker another team into taking on Shaq's cap-crippling contract, he couldn't push The Big Injury out the door fast enough. Now he's bellyaching about not having his former center. Here's a sample of Riley's post-game lament: "We won a championship with that kind of game -- being able to post up, being able to run some, pick-and-roll a ton and isolate the top of the lane a lot. And now, we don't have that one dimension. So we're going to have to play differently. When you have a dominant guy like Shaq, whose presence is like a magnet, I don't care what kind of game you play. Eventually that guy's got his hand under the basket and he just forces you to throw it into him. But we don't have a post-up player, so you can't slow it down." Wait, what? It's not like anybody was holding a gun to Riley's head and forcing him to send Shaq away. Does Riley even know what he's saying anymore? Or what he's doing? Seriously, I think it's long past time for Riles to call it a career. He's lost it, his team has lost it, and it's time for a fresh start for everybody.

Derek Fisher's shooting touch: You can't measure Fisher's contributions by numbers alone. He's a character guy who provides savvy, cunning, and a much-needed dose of veteran leadership. But up until the Pau Gasol trade, Fish was having a career season shooting the basketball (nearly 50 percent from the field). Since then, his percentage has plummeted to 44.6, and last night's 2-for-11 shooting performance is becoming more of a rule than the exception. Maybe it's just the Law of Large Numbers catching up with him, but I figured Fisher's shooting might get even better with Gasol around to open up the floor.

Labels: Avery Johnson, Derek Fisher, Dirk Nowitzki, Dwyane Wade, Jason Terry, Milwaukee Bucks, Pat Riley, Worst of the Night

"That was a wonderful call! You're doing agreat job! Can I buy you dinner after the game?!"
Jason Richardson and Gerald Wallace: The Bobcats' duo combined to shoot 10-for-28 and commit 8 turnovers. You're not going to beat the Spurs when your big guns are shooting you in the foot.

Dallas Mavericks offense: The Mavs' Jekyll and Hyde season continued last night against the Wizards. Dallas shot 41 percent and had more turnovers (16) than assists (15). For those of you keeping track at home, this is the first time the Wiz have swept their season series with the Mavericks since 1996-97. In all fairness to Dallas, though, the Wizards have been going at it on the defensive end like Scooby-Doo going after a Scooby Snack.

Jason Terry: His line against Washington: 4 points (2-for-7), 1 rebound, 1 assist, 3 fouls, 27 minutes. You know, I think Terry would be a better player if Avery Johnson only played him the last two minutes of every quarter.

Boston Celtics' mouths: The Celtics travelled to New York for a basketball game and a debate broke out. The Boston players couldn't keep their traps shut, and that diarhea of the mouth got Paul Pierce ejected and earned Kendrick Perkins a technical. If the Celtics really want to contend for a title, they can't let crappy teams like the Knicks drag them down into the gutter.

Philadelphia 76ers foul shooting: The Sixers missed 13 freethrows. Those are a lot of misses, especially in a seven-point loss. Who's their freethrow coach? Chris Dudley?

Gordon Giricek: He scored a two trillion against the Pacers. And just to rub a little salt into that wound, let's not forget the Jazz are 8-2 since launching Giricek out of Utah.

Jermaine O'Neal: A potentially season-ending injury? No way! But he's usually so durable...

Luis Scola's shooting eye: His 2-for-11 night against the Spurs was bad, but his 0-for-6 performance against the Sonics was worse. Don't get me wrong; Scola's doing a lot of other little things to help the Rockets win. But I'm guessing Rick Adelman would like his big man to shoot better than zero percent.

Quinton Ross: The Clippers' starting 2-guard was 0-for-3 against the Jazz. It was Ross' sixth consecutive scoreless game. He's gone 0-for-13 during that stretch. Look, I know the Clippers are bad, but why is this guy still starting? Oh, yeah, because Mike Dunleavy's looking down the bench at Brevin Knight. Never mind.

Andre Kirilenko: The Russian Rifle was uncocked by foul trouble. He scored zero points in the nine minutes he managed to stay on the floor. Jerry Sloan might be playing nice, but when you sit one of your starters for the last quarter and a half of the game, you're sending a message. Probably something along the lines of "Stop sucking."

Golden State Warriors: I've always said that their style of play -- chaotic, undisciplined offense meets non-existent defense -- means that they can beat anybody and also lose to anybody. But a home loss to the Minnesota Timberwolves, who had lost 16 straight road games? Not only did they let the lowly Wolves score 109 points and shoot over 50 percent, they pulled up some comfy seats and munched on popcorn while they watched Ryan Gomes score a career-high 35 points. And Marco Jaric almost had a triple double (16 points, 8 rebounds, 10 assists)! Said Don Nelson: "We laid an egg tonight. What can I tell you?"

Chicago Bulls: Another poor shooting night (36 percent) was masked by another lackluster defensive effort (the Grizzlies shot 52 percent). And all those good feelings generated by their win over the Pistons gets blown the hell away thanks to another loss to a 12-29 team. It's gotten to the point where I can't watch the Bulls play without grinding my teeth. Someday soon my mouth is going to explode. People will die in the blast. Mark my words. Anyway, the Bulls are now 2-4 since their team-unifying player suspension of Joakim Noah.

Detroit Pistons bench: Remember all that talk about the Pistons' improved bench? Forget it. Last night, outside of Jason Maxiell, there was no Pistons' bench.

Miami Heat: That's 14 in a row, despite Dwyane Wade's 42 points. And it looks like The Big Grandpa re-injured his aching hip. The Heat's next four games are against the Spurs, Pacers, Celtics, and Magic. In other words, they really need to beat the Pacers to avoid surpassing their all-time longest losing streak. And, strangely enough, if there's a team that can sink to the occasion faster than this Heat team, it's the Pacers. I can't wait!

Denver Nuggets defense: Get a hand in the face of the shooter. It's Basketball 101. But the Nuggets failed to remember that as the Lakers rained fire on them during a 39-point first quarter. Denver's D picked up after that, but the tone was set, and once Carmelo Anthony went down, the Nuggets were pretty much finished.

[Update] Mario West: As some exceedingly astute readers have pointed out, Mario West played a grand total of 18 seconds against the Trailblazers, contributing a single personal foul (and a +/- score of -3) before getting a quick hook. As TrueHoop put it: "Atlanta's Mario West just checked into the game to guard Brandon Roy for the last few seconds of the half. He was whistled for a foul before the ball was even inbounded. Then he was taken out of the game. That's zero playing time, and one foul. Has to be some kind of historical footnote." Hmm. I didn't see the game, but that 18 seconds had to come from somewhere. Maybe he got some time in the second half?

Labels: Boston Celtics, Chicago Bulls, Dallas Mavericks, Denver Nuggets, Detroit Pistons, Golden State Warriors, Jason Terry, Miami Heat, Philadelphia 76ers, Worst of the Night

The Miami Heat: After the Heat's 96-85 loss to the 76ers, Dwyane Wade said: ""It's tough to lose, but it's tougher to be the worst team in the Eastern Conference. You don't know what you're going to see from one night to the next." That statement was so stunning that I actually had to go and double-check the standings, and it's true: Miami (8-21) has the worst record in the Eastern Conference, and second worst (to Minnesota) in the league. They were the 2006 NBA champions, and now they're en route to a possible top three pick in the 2008 NBA Draft Lottery. I cannot believe that a team with Shaq and Dwyane Wade could be this bad. Pat Riley needs to fire himself immediately.

Fun Fact: Shaq took four shots last night. Four. He's had double-figure shot attempts in only three games this month (he's averaging 9.7 FGA on the season). He's scored 20 or more points exactly three times this season. At this point, the Heat need to trade Shaq. I know it sounds crazy, but he came to Miami and won his championship, thus "proving" himself. About the only thing that would motivate The Big Washed Up is a change of scenery. And while even that might not work, the Heat need him off their roster ASAP. I know public sentiment might be in his corner, but as Jason Williams has taught us, NBA players are just high-paid prositutes. Speaking of which...

Jason Williams: The NBA's self-proclaimed high-paid prostitute didn't get his high-paid butt off the bench last night.

New York Knicks: Every Knick players is secretly grateful for the existence of the Miami Heat, because it means they aren't the worst and most disappointing team in the East. Anyway, Isiah's latest gimmick failed miserably. Yeah, he brought Zach Randolph off the bench and it gave the team a short-term boost -- up by one point at halftime! Sadly, they still suffered another double-digit butt-kicking.

Eddy Curry: Sure, he started at center for the Knicks, but he played two minutes before getting benched. Then he played only two more minutes in the second half before heading to the bench for good with his 2 points, zero rebounds, zero blocked shots, 2 fouls, and 1 turnover. Said Curry: "It's extremely tough to sit that long. I'm not used to that at all and I hope it doesn't continue. I just think at some point I'm going to have to be out there for us to win the game." Because we all know how much Eddy contributes to winning environments.

Jamaal Tinsley: This guy is a career 31 percent three-point shooter, and he's only hitting 30 percent of his treys this season. But that didn't stop him from hoisting up eight threes last night -- and missing all of them -- on his way to a craptacular 6-21 shooting performance.

Fun fact: The Atlanta Hawks (15-12) have won five games in a row, and eight of their last 12. Wow. Maybe these guys actually can make the playoffs.

Jason Kidd: He's one of the best point guards of all time, which explains the constant rumors about where he may or may not end up if the Nets decided to trade him away. But his poor shooting ability has always been a problem. He's currently shooting a career-worst 36 percent from the field, which wasn't helped by last night's 0-for-8 showing against the Pistons. Considering how weak the supporting cast is, the Nets need more than 2 points from this guy if they want to compete with anybody, let alone one of the league's elite teams.

Jason Collins: Last night's zero-point, 1-rebound performance was just more of the same for Collins. He's now gone scoreless in 17 of the 27 games he's played this season. He's also had eight 1-rebound games, and four zero-rebound games. And this guy was starting as recently as four games ago. He's making over $6 million this year, by the way, and he'll be making about the same next season too.

Darko Milicic: Darko's slide into oblivion continued last night: 13 minutes, 2 points (1-2), 3 rebounds, 1 assist, 2 turnovers. Have I mentioned that the Grizzlies are starting Stromile Swift ahead of him? Yeah, it's gotten that bad.

Jeremy Richardson: This undrafted forward out of Delta State notched a super-ultra-rare four trillion last night. In fact, he came within 10 seconds of making it a five trillion! That's not easy to do.

Chicago Bulls: Finally free of the iron-fisted tyranny of Scott Skiles, the Bulls once again put forth the kind of lackluster effort that got their coach fired and has made Kyle Orton the talk of Chicago. Released from Skiles suffocating offensive sets, Luol Deng shot 5-of-15 and Andres Nocioni hit 1-of-11. Ben Wallace, who chafed under Skiles' Draconion rules, submitted a 2-point, 4-rebound gem while being totally outplayed by Matt Bonner (12 points, 9 rebounds). But despite their newfound freedom and the sense of hope it brought, the Bulls still got blown out by a Spurs team that didn't have Manu Ginobili and suffered through a poor game from Tim Duncan (8 points on 2-of-9 shooting and 5 turnovers).

Jason Terry: Zero points on 0-for-10 shooting in 22 minutes of action?! And this from a guy who's role on the team is supposed to be instant offense.

DeSagana Diop: Maybe that posterization by Grant Hill hurt Diop more than anyone suspected. Last night he submitted the impossible line of 6 minutes...and nothing else. A six trillion! DeSagnana, you're seven feet tall. Couldn't you at least foul somebody or commit a turnover or something? Speaking of which...

Eddie Jones: He managed to avoid a three trillion thanks only to a timely turnover. He's getting pretty good at that.

Milwaukee Bucks: Did somebody grease the ball the Bucks were shooting with? Michael Redd (1-8), Andrew Bogut (2-8), Yi Jianlian (2-11), Bobby Simmons (1-7), Charlie Bell (1-4)...were you guys even looking at the basket?

Fun fact: You know, I might actually need to put the "D" back into the Enver Nuggets name. They may be giving up 103 PPG, but they're seventh-best in the league in field goal defense (44.5), and the four teams directly ahead of them are all tied (43.9).

Boston versus Sacramento: Any game that ends with a score of 89-69 probably wasn't very exciting, and this one was no exception. The teams shambled awkwardly out of the blocks (18-16 after one quarter). The Kings then scored 13 points in the second quarter, and the Celtics countered by scoring 13 points in the third quarter. Not to be outdone, Sacramento put the period on this yawnfest by going for another 13 points in the fourth.

Golden State Warriors: I'm not sure why the Warriors struggled so mightily to fend off a 4-win team at home despite a career-high 35 points from Monta Ellis, but I'm pretty sure the fact that they don't play defense, can't get to the freethrow line on a consistent basis, and live-and-die off jumpers has something to do with it.

Labels: Boston Celtics, Chicago Bulls, Darko, Eddy Curry, Golden State Warriors, Jamaal Tinsley, Jason Kidd, Jason Terry, Miami Heat, Milwaukee Bucks, New York Knicks, Sacramento Kings, Worst of the Night

Dirk could only watch -- literally -- as theBucks closed out the Mavs last Saturday.
Yesterday, I criticized how the Dallas Mavericks handled crunch time in their Saturday night loss to the Milwaukee Bucks. To recap: The Mavs couldn't create shots for Dirk Nowitzki -- the league's reigning MVP -- and their sixth man, Jason Terry, took five of the team's last six shots, mostly off one-on-one plays.

It's not that I think the Mavericks are a selfish team; they're coached to spread the floor and hit the open man, and that's exactly what they do. But it's also true that for the last couple seasons -- basically since Steve Nash left* -- they've ranked near the bottom of the league in assists per game (APG). To whit:

In 2005-06, only one team ranked below Dallas (60-22) in APG: New York (23-59).

Last season, only six teams ranked below Dallas (67-15) in APG: Atlanta (30-52), Boston (24-58), New Orleans (39-43), New York (33-49), Orlando (40-42), and Portland (32-50).

Things have improved somewhat this season**; there are 11 teams below Dallas (9-5): Atlanta (5-7), Charlotte (6-7), Chicago (2-10), Cleveland (8-6), Los Angeles (6-7), Miami (3-10), Minnesota (2-10), New York (4-9), Philadelphia (3-9), Sacramento (4-9), and Washington (6-7).

Notice the trend? I know this snapshot isn't as thorough an analysis as, say, PER or a +/- score. But if you go back and look at league standings on a season-by-season basis, you'll notice that the best teams are (typically) among the league leaders in APG, while the not-so-best teams are (usually) among the league losers.

When a team has a high APG number, that often means that its players get a significant number of open and/or high percentage shots. When a team ranks near the bottom of the league in APG, it tends to mean either one of two things (or perhaps even both): They aren't moving the ball and/or they aren't hitting their shots.

Unlike most of the other teams listed above, we know the Mavs hit shots. They hit lots of shots. They're currently 11th in the league in scoring (102.5) and 8th in field goal percentage (46.2); last season they were 9th in scoring (100.0) and 5th in field goal percentage (46.7). Here's the problem: They have a lot of players who score through freelancing, isolations, and one-on-one play. Dirk loves to catch the ball at the foul line, take a couple dribbles, then spin and shoot. Howard and Terry love to dribble penetrate and either take it to the hoop or pull up for jumpers. Devin Harris, by Avery Johnson's admission, has become a "one-man fastbreak" this season.

I've been saying this for the last couple years, but it's like I'm screaming into silence: The best teams tend to be the teams with the best ball movement. The Spurs, for instance, always seem to rank around the top 10 (they're currently ranked 7th). And while the Mavs are in no way selfish, they simply aren't a great ball movement team. Statistically, they aren't even a "good" ball movement team; they rank among the league's bottom dwellers despite the fact that they're one of the league's elite (and highest scoring) teams.

The Mavs are fortunate that they have players such as Nowitzki, Terry, Harris, Josh Howard, and Jerry Stackhouse, guys who can break defenders down and get their own shot virtually any time they want. But what this means is that, throughout the game, those players have to work harder (and therefore expend more energy) to score than the players on teams that move the ball around for a higher number of open shots. This makes the Mavericks uniquely susceptible to breakdowns in the 4th quarter of close games and (especially) the playoffs. That's because increased defensive pressure tends to kill the teams that rely too heavily on one-on-one play unless they have a dominant low post presence (like a Tim Duncan, or Shaq in his prime), a pure scorer who can put up points against anyone in any circumstance (like a Kobe Bryant), or a superstar who can penetrate and draw fouls in the clutch (like Dwyane Wade now, or Michael Jordan back in the day). The Mavs don't have any of those things, which, in a sense, makes them a (much) better version of the Chicago Bulls.

I read in the Dallas Morning News that Avery Johnson has actually admitted that the Mavs' ball movement (or lack thereof) has been a problem in the past and he's trying to fix it. I would guess that's why Dirk's shot volume has dropped (from 17.2 per game to 15.6) and his assist numbers have gone up (from 3.4 per game to 4.1). It's also why Jason Terry got sent to the bench in favor of Devon Harris. But the more things change, the more they stay the same. The Mavs actually had a solid assist total against the Bucks (26), but their fourth quarter rally featured a lot of mad dribbling and one-on-one play (particularly by Terry, who, for all his talent, isn't Kobe Bryant).

When I brought this up last season (on a Mavericks message board), I was accused of nitpicking. I was told, rather strongly, that the Mavericks are such a great team their one minor weakness could easily be overlooked. And maybe it can. But in my opinion, the ball movement thing continues to be the team's Achilles' heel***, and unless Avery Johnson can coach the problem away, or Dirk transforms into a clutch scorer/foul-drawer, you can probably expect more end-of-game failures and playoff collapses from the Mavs.

*The 2003-04 season was Nash's last with the Mavericks. That year, Dallas ranked 3rd in the league in APG (despite the prescence of ballhogs like Antoine Walker and Antawn Jamison). Phoenix, with Stephon Marbury running the point, ranked 25th. In 2004-05, Nash signed with the Suns and Phoenix promptly rose to third in the league in APG. The Mavs, on the other hand, fell to 26th. Coincidence? Me thinks not.

**I realize that it's only been a month, so this is a smaller statistical sample.

***I'm sure somebody's going to read this post and say, "Well the, why doesn't the team with the best APG win the most games and the championship every year? Well, just because a team has good ball movement and an efficient offense doesn't mean they themselves don't have their own Achilles' heel. For the Suns, for instance, it's been their lack of interior defense and low post scoring. Every team has strengths and weaknesses. The Mavs have plenty of strengths. And they also have, I think, one or two glaring weaknesses.

Labels: assists, ball movement, clutch, Dallas Mavericks, Devin Harris, Dirk Nowitzki, Jason Terry, Josh Howard, Milwaukee Bucks, Phoenix Suns, Steve Nash

I came across a Sports Illustrated article (via TrueHoop) that points out how Jason Terry couldn't get the ball to Dirk Nowitzki during Game 4 of the Mavericks/Warriors series. The inference seems to be that Dallas, as a team, occasionally struggles to distribute the ball to their best players for high percentage shots.

This isn't a new thing, people.

As Hubie Brown once said, "Winning covers up a multitude of sins." The Mavericks' greatest "sin" as a team is their relative lack of ball movement. They were tied (with the Boston Celtics!) for 24th in the league in assists per game this season (19.9). The only teams below them were (in this order): the Atlanta Hawks, New Orleans/Oklahoma City Hornets, New York Knicks, Orlando Magic, and Portland Trailblazers. Did you notice the rather disturbing pattern there? Except for the Magic -- who finished the season below .500 (40-42) and were unceremoniously swept in the first round by the Pistons -- those were all lottery teams. In the playoffs so far, the Mavs are ranked 13th out of 16 with an average of 17.4 APG. That's only 2.4 more than Steve Nash is averaging by himself.

I don't know about you, but I find it alarming that the best team in the league (by the numbers) is also one of the worst passing teams (by the numbers), particularly since they rank in the top ten in scoring. Maybe I'm a sucker, but I've always kind of assumed that the best teams were the best at moving the ball around to the open man. Not so for Dallas. Last season, they ranked second-to-last (ahead of the dreadful Knicks) in APG, and the season before that they ranked ahead of only the Magic, Wizards, Pacers, and Supersonics. The Mavs haven't been in the top ten in APG since -- you guessed it -- Steve Nash was wearing the green and white.

During last year's playoffs, Dallas was ranked 14th in APG, ahead of only the Kings and Grizzlies...two teams that were eliminated in round one. And yeah, I know they made it to the NBA Finals and everything, but they often struggled mightily to score against the Heat, particularly at the end of Games 3, 5, and 6. And they scored only 74 points in a Game 4 blowout loss. If you watched that series, you probably remember how the Mavericks simply could not get a good shot during crunch time of those close games.

Back in December, after a rare loss to the Utah Jazz in which the Mavericks tallied a mere eight assists, I posted a comment over at The Association that the Mavericks had ball movement issues. My contention was that they rely too much on isolations and one-on-one play from Nowitzki (who can shoot over almost any defender), Terry (who can blow by just about anybody), Josh Howard (who is spectacular at breaking down his man), and Jerry Stackhouse (who is still Jerry Stackhouse). Those players are good enough that the tactic usually works, especially against weaker teams. But in heated, defensive, bump-and-grind games, that style of play can, will, and has killed them, especially when one or more of those guys don't shoot well. The general response was that the Mavs were the best team in league and I was simply nitpicking.

But I think I was on to something. The Mavericks did a much better job at working the ball around during Game 5, and they won. Of course, the victory was also partly due to Dirk's heroics (his first real MVP-type display of the playoffs) and, conversely, the Warriors choking up a 9-point lead by inexplicably slowing down the game (which is antithetical to their usual style) and running a handful of truly awful offensive plays (if you can even call them that).

The Mavericks can -- and, now, probably will -- still come back and beat the Warriors. Heck, they might go all the way to the NBA Finals and win. But if they don't, if they fall short somewhere along the way, it'll probably be because of their ball movement and execution. Or, rather, their lack thereof.

Labels: ball movement, Dallas Mavericks, Dirk Nowitzki, Golden State Warriors, Jason Terry, NBA playoffs