Heee's back—well, sort of

The Mavericks: I can't claim to understand what's motivating this recent slump from O.J. Mayo, but I think it's true that some players get uncomfortable with someone approaching in the rearview. For most of Mayo's NBA career, this someone has come in the form of another guard, but at the moment I suspect he's being negatively affected by the return of "the man" for the Mavericks. So far, this season, Mayo has been leading the Mavericks in scoring, meaning he's been sitting in what's been Dirk's favorite chair for the last decade.

As far as objects in the mirror go, Dirk's vehicle must be closer than it seems, because at the moment the idea of the aging Hasselhoff enthusiast leading the team in anything seems pretty farfetched. Mavericks fans are still waiting for the Blonde Bomber to reach double-digits, as his 9 points on 11 attempts signified a season-high in both categories. Still, it could be worse; he could be a 25 year old O.J. Mayo, having just shot 1-7 for 4 points. Mayo's lone field goal was from deep. His other point came when he was fouled attempting a three, and only made one of three shots from the line to the delight of the crowd at the peculiarly named Chesapeake Energy Arena (which is in Oklahoma, not Maryland).

For the moment, OKC has gained the upperhand in the Interstate 35 rivalry. A lot of this stems from them employing that Kevin Durant fellow, who scored 40 points. We all knew that the town sheriff, John Wayne the Durantula, would get his in an overtime game, but his drunken deputy Dean Martin Russell Westbrook couldn't shoot straight for most of the game. Westbrook made only 4 of his 16 shots in regulation, which goes a long way towards explaining why there was an overtime. Once overtime was underway however, Westbrook found his stroke, making 3 straight shots. When the battle was done and the smoke had cleared, the Thunder stood victorious, and the Mavericks had lost for the 7th time in 8 games.

Just look at that Celtic D

The Celtics: The Lakers sure picked a helluva season to launch their foray into mediocrity. So far the Clippers have stolen their accustomed place atop the Pacific Division, taken a serious bite into their fanbase, and during last Thursday's coveted TNT time-slot, they even went so far as to steal their historic rival. The Clippers are pretty new to this, so they can be forgiven for not realizing that a good rivalry is all about drama, opting instead just to give the Celtics a remarkably one-sided beating. The 29 point victory set the franchise record for a margin of victory over the Celtics, surpassing a 23 point victory that occurred on December 27th, 2006—precisely 6 years prior.  

The Clippers added insult to injury by letting Matt Barnes lead them in scoring. Of all the Celtic starters, only Kevin Garnett had more points than field goal attempts. The visitors barely limped their way to 40% shooting, and had significantly fewer team assists than the Clippers, even after LA's total turnovers were subtracted from the sum. Yet none of these factors were the main one according to Garnett.

Lacktion:

Clippers-Celtics: It's probably got nothing to do with the beating they received, but Jason Collins is still starting for the Celtics. In addition to a franchise record margin of victory, this resulted in a 4:1 Voskuhl in 17 minutes and 11 seconds of horror.

Labels: Jason Collins, Kevin Garnett, O.J. Mayo, The Clippers

Michael Jordan: The Bobcats' part owner was back in his courtside seat for a second straight game after a two-week absence. Active. Involved. Interested. None of these words describe Michael Jordan The Owner.

Al Jefferson: Big Al was strong on the glass (9 rebounds) and actually played a little interior defense for a change (6 blocked shots), but he let his team down on the offensve end, where he shot 3-for-11 and finished with only 8 points...13 below his season average. Said Jefferson: "They're doing a great job of just acting like they're going and stunting. It's messing me up." Uh...can anybody translate that from Big Al to English for me?

Jason Collins: The line: Zero points (0-for-1), 1 rebound, 1 block against and 4 personal fouls in 13 minutes and 13 seconds. Truly some unlucky numbers. And mind you, HE IS MINNESOTA'S STARTING CENTER. It was Jason's fourth scoreless game in 10 appearances this season. He's also shooting only 24 percent on the year, despite the fact that 99 percent of his shots are taken within a foot of the basket. And this isn't just a rough start because of his offseason golf cart injury (and no I'm not making that up): Last season, he went off for zero points in 33 out of 74 games, including one stretch in which he scored zero points 12 times in 15 games while STARTING for the Nets. That's a real waste of seven feet worth if height.

Kevin Love: 10 points and 8 boards is pretty good for a rookie, but kinda sad when compared to O.J. Mayo's recent 30-point explosions. That sound you hear? It's Kevin McHale. Weeping.

The Larry Brown Kool-Aid: The Bobcats are on fire, having won three of their last five games, and Charlotte's players are lovin' Larry because of it. Jason Richardson, who had a game-high 25 points, said: "It's pretty difficult because there are so many demanding things that he wants you to do. But we're a team that's willing to learn, was ready to listen and looking for something different. We still don’t have everything down, but the things we're doing are heading toward it." Emeka Okafor, who finished with a season-high 24 points on 9-of-14 shooting, said: "That's his history with teams. When he first comes in it takes some time to adjust. There's a learning curve. Once everybody learns it, people get going."

Now, it might be worth pointing out that those three wins came against the slumping 76ers, the always-ready-to-give-up-a-lead Pacers, and sadsack Timberwolves. But whatever. It's cute that they 'Cats think they're "getting it." However, if Okafor's talking about Brown's history, he should probably also mention that things usually end ugly.

Adam Morrison: Wanna see Adam getting posterized? Well, here you go. Morrison also got flushed on by Rashad McCants (who apparently McCan dunk on Adam). In fact, if you check out his Yahoo Profile, there are seven pictures of Adam: Two of him getting dunked on, two of him getting shot over, and three of him committing a foul. Including one foul that's inexplicably described as Morrison getting dunked on by Luke Ridnour (who's not even in the picture). Good times.

The Orlando Magic defense: I know they're the Boston Celtics and everything, but the Magic sure didn't do a very good job of staying in front of anybody. The C's shot 60 percent in the first quarter and 54 percent for the game. Paul Pierce shredded them for 17 points in the third quarter. Said Stan Van Gundy: "We didn't do a very good job on the pick and rolls in the second half. I think more than anything it was a problem with our schemes and preparation." Hmm. Now, Stan, remind me again: Who's responsible for the schemes and preparation?

Anthony Johnson, excuse machine: The Magic were without their starting backcourt last night: Jameer Nelson missed his fourth straight game with a hip flexor and Mickael Pietrus is on injured reserve with a torn right thumb ligament. This caused Johnson to offer the following observation: "Yeah, they smacked us tonight. But with two healthy squads I feel very good." Right. Well, uh, sorry, Anthony, but while I admit having those guys back would make the team better, I'm still not sure you guys are one Jameer Nelson and Mickael Pietrus from being better than (or even as good as) the Celtics. But I'm glad you'd feel very good. That's something.

Bob Delaney, David Guthrie, Gary Zielinski: Things got a little wacky at the Garden last night as the refs demanded that everyone present respect their authori-tah. I'll let Basketbawful reader Garron take this one: "The officiating crew last night was weird. The calls were fine, but technicals were everywhere. Eight were called in total, four by referee Bob Delaney. In fact, during a timeout Delane called a double technical on Sam Cassell, who was just sitting at the end of the bench and had to be sent out. Still no word on what actually happened. Then during the next timeout there was a technical called on Rondo...in the MIDDLE of a timeout while Rondo was in the huddle. Other weird technicals were called on Stan Van Gundy (for arguing a call) and Rashard lewis who, after making a very difficult behind the backboard circus shot, pumped his fist in the air."

When asked why he received his technical, Rondo said: "I don't know. Everyone got a technical." Added Doc Rivers: "This was one interesting game. A lot of technicals. I better be quiet before I get a technical." Now, regarding Same Cassell...

Sam Cassell: Sam now has more technicals (2) and ejections (1) than minutes played (zero). Last night, he was apparently bounced from the bench for complaining about a foul that David Guthrie called on Perkins. Said Rivers: "I told him he took a bullet for me, because I thought it was on me and I wasn't saying anything, so I was upset. I think they were trying to clean the game up. There was a lot of complaining going on. Unfortunately, when that's happening, the first guy who talks gets the tech. And Sam was that guy."

Cleaning up the game is one thing. Last night's techfest was a big much. Anyway, on the subject of Sam I Am, he decided to weigh in on the whole Stephon Marbury Fiasco going on in New York. Cassell thinks the whole deal is "bad for the league" and believes (like just about everybody else) that the Knicks need to get 'er done with regards to cutting Starbury loose. Said Sam: "They really need to get that thing resolved. It doesn't look good for both parties. Steph wants to play and he's better than the guys playing ahead of him. I don't understand it."

Uhm...not sure about that "better than the guys playing ahead of him" part, Sam. But I'm totally with you on the rest of it.

Brian Scalabrine: The Lord of the Rings registered two minutes, a missed shot, and a suck differential of +1. Not a bad night's work...for Jason Collins. And check out Scal's Yahoo Profile: The lone picture is of him getting scored on by Jamal Crawford. Even in his own world, he's the "other guy" in the poster.

And now, as an added bonus, Brian's theme song:


The Golden State Warriors: At this point, the Warriors are inventing new and fascinating ways to lose on an almost nightly basis. If only they could use their amazing creative powers to cure cancer or develop a truly everlasting Gob Stopper. Or, you know, win a game.

Last night -- the Warriors' seventh straight defeat, by the way -- the Golden Staters blew the game in a variety of ways. First, they let Udonis Haslem score off an offensive rebound/putback at the buzzer to send the game to overtime. (And that was only one of several second-chance buckets the Warriors surrendered.)

The Warriors were leading by 3 points with less than 10 seconds left in OT when Chris Quinn hit a tying three-pointer at the 7.1-seconds left mark. Michael Beasley then stole the ensuing inbounds pass, got fouled and made the game-winning free throw. Gah. Said Don Nelson: "Well it was a whale of a game, wasn't it? We sure gave it away at the end. Couple of breakdowns just at the wrong time. I thought we had the game won. It will be a hard loss to get over." Don't worry. I'm sure Nellie was feeling better by the fifth or sixth post-game beer. Anyway, I can hardly let this one go without giving a WotN mention to...

Andris Biedrins: He had 17 points (7-for-10), 15 rebounds and only 2 turnovers. However, the second turnover was the inbounds pass that was snatched by Beasley and cost Golden State the victory. Good job, Andris.

Dwyane Wade's butter-soaked fingers: Pookie was once again magnificent -- 37 points, 5 rebounds, 13 assists -- but, as usual, he had trouble holding onto the rock and finished with a game-high 7 turnovers. Fittingly, this allowed him to take back the lead in turnovers per game from Golden State's Stephen Jackson (who had 4 last night). Currently, Wade is averaging a league-worst 4.0 TOs per game while Captain Jack is averaging 3.9. I think this is going to be a season-long battle, folks. I can't wait to see how it turns out.

Quote machinery and stat cursery: Basketbawful reader Garron informs me that one of the Warriors broadcasters made the following quip last night: "Timeout miami. 125-123 to the Warriors. First to play defense wins." However, according to the official game log, after that timeout Ronny Turiaf blocked Dwyane Wade's shot...and the Warriors went on to lose anyway. Ergo, Golden State got stat cursed by their own commentator. Whoops.

Kobe Bryant: Mamba advised Donnie Walsh not to buy out Stephon Marbury's contract. Said Mamba: "Don't give in to Steph's demands. Make him beg."

Labels: Al Jefferson, Brian Scalabrine, Dwyane Wade, Golden State Warriors, Jason Collins, Kevin Love, Larry Brown, Sam Cassell, theme songs, Worst of the Night

"Man, I love playing crappy teams!"
Miami Heat: What an appalling display of terrible basketball. Since even glancing at the box score makes me feel indescribably dirty, here's what Matt from Hardwood Paroxysm said to me in an email: "No KG. No Ray Allen. Leon Powe: 25 and 11. They let Leon Powe get a double double. They lost by 30! 30! Do you know how hard it is to lose to that team without two of the big 3? The D-League All-Stars would take those guys to overtime! This is absurd. This is a performance of epic terribleness. This is suck, the likes of which we have not seen since Speed Zone, the non-Cannonball-Run titled Cannonball Run movie. This redefines ineptitude. This team is like some sort of submarine that runs on shitty basketball. But it only patrols feces infested waters. This is like the 300 of being bad at Basketball. It's hyper-dramatic and epic."

Dwyane Wade: Okay, I couldn't not mention this: Pookie shot 1-for-9 and left after the third quarter with flu-like symptoms. I can't say I blame him. It's human instinct to run as far away as possible from such a frightening disaster.

Pat Riley: Isn't Riles supposed to be the Great Motivator? I mean, this is the guy who came up with 15 Strong and trade-marked the term three-peat. Yet he couldn't stir the hearts of his players enough to get a hand in the face of Leon Powe? Wow. Said Riley: "I'm embarrassed by the effort." Good. He should be.

Carlos Delfino: Uh, thanks for showing up to work last night, Carlos. But...are you feeling okay? Is everything okay at home? Because 1 point (0-for-6) and 2 rebounds in 23 minutes wasn't quite what we'd expect from somebody who used to play for Fortitudo Pallacanestro Bologna. Then again, maybe it is.

Stephen Graham: Little "Stevie" played 19 seconds against the Pistons last night, accomplishing nothing other than to create an anomoly in the box score. It's like Jim O'Brien subbed him in and then realized, "Wait, that was Stevie Graham, not Travis Diener! Man, all these crappy players are starting to look alike to me." (Okay, okay. Diener had 18 points on 6-for-10 shooting, so he's officially "not crappy" for at least one game.)

Fun fact: Did you know Steve has a fraternal twin named Joey? And -- get this -- Joey plays for the Toronto Raptors! In fact, Joe played 7 minutes against the Wizards last night, scoring zero points (0-for-4) and grabbing 2 rebounds. So I guess poop doesn't fall far from the butthole, huh? Also, both brothers graduated from Oklahoma State with degrees in Aviation Management and are licensed pilots. Well, at least they should be able to find a Clark Kent job when their basketball careers are over. Which should be any day now.

Jason Collins: The lid is back on the basket! Collins had his 25th scoreless game of the season (out of 41 games played) by going 0-for-0 in 11 minutes of aimless wandering up and down the court. He did have a two rebounds and a couple turnovers, though.

Vince Carter: He scored 16 points last night. And it "only" took him 22 shots to do it. I'm not a statisticologist, but I'm pretty sure that's less than one point per shot.

Minnesota Timberwolves: The Bulls were missing three of their top five scorers (Luol Deng, Ben Gordon, and Joe Smith) as well as their backup point guard (Chris "C-Du" Duhon), and they still handled the Wolves with relative ease. Hey, didn't Minnesota beat the Suns and Warriors a few games ago? I guess if Al Jefferson doesn't score a career high, they don't win.

Golden State Warriors: What a fun, entertaining game. But the way Yao Ming manhandled the Warriors' front line (36 points, 19 rebounds) showed, once again, that the Warriors could really use a defensive-minded big man. Yet they signed Chris Webber. Hey, I know Don Nelson is all about out-of-the-box thinking, but that move seems more like out-of-the-mind thinking.

Bonzi Wells: Hold on a second, Wells is supposed to be a scorer, right? And the Warriors haven't played any defense for at least a hundred games or so, right? Then what's up with the 3 points (0-for-1) in 17 minutes?

Trade McGrady: Out with flu-like symptoms, huh? Well, I've seen the Camp CHEN-A-WANDA video, so excuse me if I'm a little skeptical.

Atlanta Hawks defense: I know the Suns are good. Really good, even. But 64 percent shooting?! Even Boris Diaw was 8-for-10! Hawks coach Mike Woodson said: "We just didn't show up tonight. (We) should be embarrassed." He's not wrong.

Atlanta Hawks offense: They took 100 shots and missed 67 of them (34 percent). They lost the ball 19 times. They also had their junk stuffed by the Suns 19 times! Man, they're going to tasting Wilsonburger for a week.

Joe Johnson: This was Joe's big chance to show the Suns what they're missing. Yeah, it didn't happen: 9 points (3-for-14), 1 assist, and 3 turnovers.

Phoenix Suns rebounding: The Suns played a great all-around game. The offense was beyond amazing -- they scored 125 points on 64 percent shooting. The defense was equally fantastic -- they held the Hawks to 92 points on 34 percent shooting by blocking 19 shots and forcing 19 turnovers. But they still got pounded on the boards 50-36. They also gave up 26 offensive rebounds. This rebounding thing is going to come back to haunt them, mark my words.

San Antonio Spurs: I know they haven't been playing well, and I know they aren't very good on the road. And yeah, Tony Parker is out with one of his fake injuries. But they're still the defending champs. They still have Tim Duncan. Yet they fell to what was then a 9-win team that had lost 14 consecutive games. You know, I'm starting to think this whole "The Spurs are just laying low" thing is a work of fiction.

Robert Horry: Zero points (0-for-1) and 1 assist in 9 minutes. Watching him play these days just makes me sad.

Earl Watson: Whoa there, Earl; 0-for-8 shooting? I didn't see this game. Can we confirm that he was shooting at the right basket?

Luke Walton: I didn't want to believe this about the Son of Walton, but I'm really starting to think that last year's breakout season was yet another example of the Contract Year Phenomenon. Last night, Luke scored zero points (0-for-3) and grabbed a couple rebounds before leaving the game with a hip pointer. With all the surpise and success of the Lakers' rejuvenation this season, it's a damn shame Walton isn't a part of it.

Hey you! Yeah, you. Haven't read the NBA Closer yet? Then what are you waiting for, Kobe Bryant to pass the ball?

Labels: Atlanta Hawks, Dwyane Wade, Golden State Warriors, Jason Collins, Miami Heat, Minnesota Timberwolves, Pat Riley, Phoenix Suns, San Antonio Spurs, Tracy McGrady, Worst of the Night

No caption. I just love the look on Vince Carter's face.
Mike D'Antoni: Last week, I said: "I really hope that coach D'Antoni keeps playing [Brian Skinner]...but my guess is that once Grant Hill gets back, Skinner's going back into cold storage." Well, Hill came returned from organ removal last night and played 27 minutes. Skinner played five minutes. Now, I know Skinner's abilities are limited, but I tend to think the Suns need at least one player who likes to bang and do the dirty work. And nobody else is doing it.

Boris Diaw: Yeah, Diaw played well against the Lakers and Nets, but let's not pronounce him "back" just yet. Last night he shot 2-for-6 and had a team-high 4 turnovers. Yet he got 24 minutes and Brian Skinner got five. Why? You'll have to ask the coach.

Mo Williams: The Bucks starting point guard missed last night's game against the Suns due to injury. What kind of injury, you ask? A sprained left pinky finger. Seriously. Don't laugh. I once sprained my left pinky. It was terrible. Never healed right, either. Now I have a little baby arm. True story.

New Jersey Nets: Another night, another brutal beating for the joyless Nets. They've now lost seven of their last eight games. And the lone win in this latest stretch was against the Sonics, so that doesn't really count. The Nets average margin of defeat: 17 points. They were lethargic on offense and absolutely lifeless on defense (the Kings shot 57.5 percent and pounded them on the boards 41-29). All that and Vince Carter, not Jason Kidd, led the Nets in assists (he had 8). As New Jersey coach Lawrence Frank put it: "Just a dismal performance. We are simply playing very poorly."

Jason Collins: Scoreless again. And in the 10 minutes he played, he contributed nothing beyond a pair of hard fouls. But Collins wasn't the only inept New Jersey roleplayer; Josh Boon (0-for-5), Bostjan Nachbar (1-for-5), Marcus Williams (1-for-7), Jamaal Magloire (0-for-2) all sucked pretty hard, too. Another sad note is that little Darrell Armstrong (6'1") outrebounded Collins (7'0") and Magloire (6'11") 2-to-1 in oly four minutes (compared to their combined 16 minutes).

Shaq: The Big Injury out again, for at least two weeks. Speaking of Shaq, here's a look at The Big Spender's monthly expenditures: $1,500 for cable TV, $110,000 for vacations, $17,000 for clothing, $26,500 for babysitting, and $23,000 at gas stations. Man, I need to quit my job and get hired on as Shaq's nanny. That has "hit sitcom" written all over it.

Larry Brown: The former Knicks coach thinks that management had spies "throughout the arena" to keep in eye on him. Sure, Larry. Look, I know conspiracy theories are a lot of fun and all, but it didn't take a spy to see that the team sucked and your players hated you. A 90-year-old woman watching from home could have come to the same conclusion. Let it go.

Peter Vecsey: I've never really liked Peter Vecsey. He's not quite important enough to enter into the Rogue's Gallery of Basketbawful Villains, but he is a douchebag of the highest order. He's arrogant, imperious, looks like he should be managing a professional wrestler (think Jimmy Hart, but not as cool), and his "witty insults" usually sound like a bunch of nonsense (like when he said that Mike Bibby went to Wendy's to figure out why he was shooting poorly; don't ask, just read it).

But my biggest problem with Vecsey is his history of blatant inaccuracy. How many of his trade scoops* have actually happened? He spent five or six years publishing "100 percent true" trade rumors concerning Karl Malone (to the Knicks, to the Mavericks, etc.), and yet Malone was never traded. I know I make mistakes from time to time, but this is a not-for-profit blog. Hell, I may actually be operating at a loss. But Vecsey gets paid to do what he does. Shouldn't he do some fact-checking? Take this article, for instance. In it, Vecsey criticizes Golden State Warriors coach Don Nelson's misuse of Mike Dunleavy Jr. prior to his trade to the Pacers. And while that's totally true, Vecsey goes on to say: "It should be noted, in 28 years of coaching some exceptionally talented teams, Nelson's brilliance has yet to shimmer on a single conference final."

*I call them "trade poops." Mostly because I think poop is funny.

There's one problem with that statement. Nelson's Milwaukee Bucks made it to the Western Confernece Finals in 1978. (Yes, the Bucks were in the Western Conference back then, along with the Bulls, Pistons, and Pacers.) The Bucks also made the Eastern Conference Finals in 1983, 1984, and 1986. Furthermore, Nellie's Dallas Mavericks went to the Western Conference Finals in 2003. Now, I'm no arithmeticologist, but I still have fingers to count on. And that looks like five conference finals appearances for Don Nelson, which is five more than the zero Vecsey claimed. So Peter, next time you feel the need to bust on somebody, could you at least make sure you know what the hell you're talking about first? Thanks.

George Bush: According to a new study conducted by two nonprofit journalism organizations, George Bush and top administration officials "issued hundreds of false statements about the national security threat from Iraq in the two years following the 2001 terrorist attacks." Furthermore, the study "counted 935 false statements in the two-year period. It found that in speeches, briefings, interviews and other venues, Bush and administration officials stated unequivocally on at least 532 occasions that Iraq had weapons of mass destruction or was trying to produce or obtain them or had links to al-Qaida or both." Turns out none of that was true? Really?! That's one seriously cutting edge study. Anyway, you know you're a big, lying jerk when a bunch of poorly paid journalists spend a few years tabulating your lies for free.

Yi says: "NBA action really is FAN-tastic!"

Labels: Boris Diaw, George Bush, Jason Collins, Larry Brown, Mike D'Antoni, New Jersey Nets, Peter Vecsey, Shaq

"Hey Eddy, I'd play you more minutes,but you're fat...you know, like this."
Sacramento Kings: Expecations for the Kings aren't exactly high right now, considering that they're missing their three best players (Kevin Martin, Mike Bibby, and Ron Artest). However, there are losses and then there are heartbreaking losses. The Kings had their hearts broken twice in a winless weekend. On Friday night, they outshot the Cavaliers 55 percent to 38, but they negated their hot shooting by committing 22 turnovers and giving up 23 points to Cleveland's bench in the fourth quarter of the four-point loss. On Saturday night, they lost by one point on a Ben Wallace freethrow, which would have been humiliating enough, but Wallace then got away with wacking Brad Miller's hand on the Kings' last-second shot.

Chris Duhon: Is he in a shooting slump? Well, let's put it this way: He's hit only one field goal in 21 attempts over his last four games, including Saturday's 0-for-7 performance against the Kings. He's also 0-for-14 from three-point range in that stretch.

Jason Collins: Wednesday night's 10-point explosion must have taken something out of him, because he returned to form over the weekend: Zero points (0-for-1) and 3 rebounds in 23 minutes of "action" over two games.

Ray Allen: The Memphis Grizzlies are the second worst defensive team in the league in terms of points per game (104.3) and the third worst in terms of opponents' field goal percentage ( 46.9), yet they somehow held Allen to 2 points on 0-for-9 shooting (including 0-for-3 from downtown). The next night he was better, but barely, in scoring 9 points (on 3-for-8 shooting) against the Pistons.

Rajon Rondo: The Celtics' supposed Achilles' heel was just that this weekend. He scored 4 points (2-for-9) against the Grizzlies and 3 points (1-for-7) against the Pistons. He also only dished out a single assist all weekend while committing 6 turnovers. Yet, as I pointed out above, the Celtics still managed to rack up a couple wins.

Dallas Mavericks: So let me get this straight. They had to come from behind in the fourth quarter at home to beat a Miami Heat team that was without Dwyane Wade, Shaq, and Jason Williams? I really don't get the Mavericks this year. Everything about them statistically, including their win-loss record (23-11), indicates that they're one of the best teams in the league. But I simply don't trust them from game to game.

Miami Heat: Wade is in and out. Shaq is just out. They've lost seven games in a row, nine of 10, and they're 8-26 overall. Adding insult to misery, Wade missed two freethrows that could have tied the game against Memphis with about a minute left. I guess that's what happens when a team sells its soul for a championship.

Chauncy Billups: "Mr. Big Shot" missed three freethrows in the fourth quarter of the Piston's 92-85 loss to the Celtics. He also missed a critical three-pointer in the closing minutes that could have given his team the lead (he was 3-for-9 from three-point range for the game). Then, rather than giving the Celtics credit after the game, he tried to diminish the impact of their victory. "They're a little more happy than we were when we won our game at their place. It was just a regular game for us with two good teams playing. They were kind of playing like it was the Super Bowl. There was probably a little more at stake for them and their psyche than it was for us." Actually, the Celtics have been celebrating every victory like that, all season long. They just love winning. It kind of reminds me how some people, including Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, used to criticize Magic for how he'd celebrate after "meaningless" regular season victories. Then Magic went on to win five championships. I'm just sayin'.

New York Knicks: That's seven losses in a row, eight out of 10, and an 8-24 record. In other news, a 22-year-old college student was arrested outside Madison Square Garden last week for selling t-shirts that said, "Don't Hate The Player Or The Game. Hate The Coach." The man in question, one Ivan Cash, said Cash thinks the arrest was meant "to put a lid on all the demands by fans for a new coach.'' Tough time to be a Knicks fan.

Phoenix Suns: On Saturday night, the Suns outshot, out-rebounded, and out-assisted the Hornets, but still suffered a come-from-ahead loss at home. Despite having 12 blocked shots as a team, the Suns defense was porous enough to allow Jannero Pargo to score 19 points on 8-of-12 shooting. It was Pargo's season-high, and his highest point total since March 27, 2006.

Philadelphia 76ers: Remember last season how everybody figured the Iverson trade was kind of a wash? Well, this season the Sixers are 14-20 while the Nuggets are 21-12 and leading their division. On Sunday, Iverson had a classic "see what you lost" revenge game against his former team: 38 points (14-of-25), 8 assists, and, most importantly, a 109-96 victory.

Sasha Pavlovic: Remember how excited the Cavaliers were to finally resign Pavlovic? I would guess they're decidedly less excited right about now. Sasha's currently shooting a career-worst 33 percent from the field and 29 percent from three-point range (compaired to 45 and 40 last season). He hasn't hit 50 percent of his shots since December 11th; in fact, he's only shot 50 percent or better five times in 31 games this season. He's only 20-for-70 over his last 10 games, including two games this weekend in which he was 4-for-11 and 0-for-7. Bottom line: He's not quite the zone-buster the Cavs had hoped.

Kevin Durant: He's the second-worst percentage shooter in Seattle's regular rotation (7-for-21 on Sunday), yet he averages seven more shot attempts per game than the next closest player (Chris Wilcox). He also averages more turnovers (3.0) than assists (2.1). With the way the Trailblazers are playing, I think that the mere thought of Greg Oden deserves Rookie of the Year.

Michael Finley: His 1-for-10 shooting let the Clippers stay close on Sunday. Of course, Bruce Bowen's 1-for-8 didn't help either. Anybody notice the Spurs haven't been playing so great lately? They've been playing just good enough to win, but that's hardly impressive, especially after a couple close calls against the Knicks and Clippers. We'll see how they play tonight at Golden State.

Update -- Malik Allen: Many thanks to reader Xing Quan, whose keen eyes discovered Allen's amazing feat: A 12 trillion (!!) in the Nets' 113-107 win over the Hawks. This matches the largest known "trillion" score I've ever seen, which was accomplished by Damon Jones in Game 1 of the 2007 NBA Finals. It's one thing to be a role player. It's another thing to really suck. And it's an entirely different thing when you're 6'10", 255 pounds, and you can't haul down a single rebound or even commit a foul in 12 minutes of playing time. Did anyone actually see the game? Can anyone confirm that Malik actually played? Did someone put on his jersey by mistake?

Labels: Chauncy Billups, Chris Duhon, Dallas Mavericks, Jason Collins, Miami Heat, New York Knicks, Philadelphia 76ers, Phoenix Suns, Rajon Rondo, Ray Allen, Sacramento Kings

Miami Heat: They went 0-for-the-weekend and have lost four in a row overall, dropping their record to a second-next to league-worst 8-23. On Friday night, Miami wasted a 48-point, 7-rebound, 11-assist performance by Dwyane Wade in dropping a 121-114 overtime decision to the Orlando Magic. Things got worse on Saturday night, when the Heat scored only 74 points in a 22-point loss to the Washington Wizards. Said Pat Riley after the game: "One positive point about tonight's game is that this is the last game of 2007. It's been a bad year."

Dwyane Wade: As noted above, Wade was spectacular on Friday night. Unfortunately, he played like stale ass on Saturday night: 12 points (5-12) and 7 turnovers. That's right; he had more turnovers than field goals.

Shaq: Where was The Big Injury during the Heat's lost weekend? Nursing a sore hip. [Insert old age joke here.] I think Shaq's yearly 20-game in-season vacation has officially begun.

Jason Collins: On Friday night, he went scoreless for the 18th time in 28 games. He also notched the exceptionally rare four trillion. That, it seems, was the end of Lawrence Frank's patience, because Collins never got off the bench on Sataurday night.

Casey Jacobsen: The Memphis guard-forward and former McDonald's All-American scored a five trillion against the Rockets. Stanford must be proud.

Andres Nocioni: Think Noc misses his former coach? In the three games since Scott Skiles was fired, Nocioni has shot 1-for-11, 2-for-12, and 1-for-4. Math experts will agree that adds up to a 4-for-27 stretch. Ugly.

Adrian Griffin: He squeezed out a one trillion against the Knicks on Sunday.

San Antonio Spurs: The defending champs are the odds-on favorites to win the NBA title again this year, but a quick peek at their roster exposes a group of older and, in some cases, marginal players. That rarely matters, thanks to the combined efforts of Tim Duncan, Tony Parker, and Manu Ginobili. But they sure looked old and lame on Friday night, shooting 31 percent and scoring 73 points in a 10-point loss to the Toronto Raptors. They're still very, very good, but they're hardly invincible.

Cleveland Cavaliers: The Cavs followed up a hope-lifting win against the Mavericks on Thursday with a low-energy effort in a 1o-point loss to the Hornets on Saturday. And frankly, the game wasn't really as close as the final margin. Larry Hughes was the team's biggest loser, scoring 2 points (1-9) and committing 4 turnovers.

Milwaukee Bucks: Let's see...0-for-the-weekend, three losses in a row, they've lost 7 of their last 10 games and they're 11-18 overall. It's hard to believe that at one point they were 7-4 and leading their division.

Andrea Bargnani: Is this kid going through a sophomore slump or what? His scoring, shooting, and rebounding numbers are all down from his rookie season, and he had a not-so-good weekend: On Friday he scored 11 points (3-9) and committed three turnovers, and on Saturday he went scoreless (0-5) for the third time this season.

Utah Jazz: Another 0-for-the-weekend for the Jazz, who played their own rendition of "We Hate the 80s." First they got blown out on the road by the Lakers, and then they lost to the Celtics at home despite shooting 55 percent from the field. They've dropped to 16-16 and their next game is against the red-hot Trailblazers. Sub-.500 could be in their very near future.

New York Knicks: Four days of rest didn't do them much good; they looked lethargic and disinterested while getting blown out by the Bulls. Think Isiah's lost this team? Don't rush to answer that one. First read these comments by the recently benched Eddy Curry and then make your decision: "I'm definitely not embracing [coming off the bench], but what can I do? I have to use the minutes that I have and try to be productive and if I don't play a lot of minutes, I don't play a lot of minutes. There's nothing I can do. I can't sub myself into the game. I'm not going to go to him crying and whining about playing and starting and all that stuff. It definitely bugs me. I think I'm a starter in this league, but I guess not on this team." Yeah. That's pretty much the opposite of good morale.

Sacramento Kings: They went 0-for-the-weekend, they've lost four in a row, they're 11-18 overall, and now they've lost Ron Artest to elbow surgery. In case you're counting at home, that means the Kings have lost their three best players (Mike Bibby and Kevin Martin are also out) to injury. Go ahead and leave this team for dead.

Los Angeles Lakers: They went retro by wearing 80s-style short-shorts against the Celtics, but that was the only thing that was 80s-like about the Lakers on Sunday. The Celtics were playing their fourth game in five nights, it was their final stop on a four-game Western Conference road trip, and their starting point guard wasn't available. Despite that, they still blasted the Lakers 110-91 in L.A. Kobe Bryant shot 6-for-25 and was in foul trouble all game. The Celtics basically pushed the Lakers around all night, and there was nothing L.A. could do about it, even though the refs called technicals on Kendrick Perkins, Ray Allen, Kevin Garnett, and Doc Rivers. Even sweeter: Boston delayed Phil Jackson from going past Red Auerbach in total career wins.

Labels: Cleveland Cavaliers, Dwyane Wade, Jason Collins, Los Angeles Lakers, Miami Heat, Milwaukee Bucks, New York Knicks, Sacramento Kings, San Antonio Spurs, Shaq, Utah Jazz