Seriously, doesn't it look like Doug Collins ispimping Ronnie Price out to some dirty old man?
The Washington Wizards: Sure, it would be easy to give the Wizards a mulligan on this one. I mean, the defending champs are on a hot streak -- 13 in a row and counting -- so losing to them was sort of expected. That said...the Wiz lost by 34. At home. They shot 43 percent and had more turnovers (22) than assists (16). Meanwhile, Boston singed their forearm hair off with 56 percent shooting (and 53 percent from distance) and beat them bloody on the boards (41-26). The Celtics also had seven players in double figures, and Big Baby almost had a double-double (9 points, 7 rebounds). Brian Scalabrine played most of the fourth quarter.

Remember: This is, essentially, the same Washington team that showed so much spunk last year. They were, in fact, the only team in the league to beat the Celtics three times during the regular season. And now? The Wiz are 4-16, which matches the 1966-67 Baltimore Bullets for the worst start in franchise history. That's some historic fail right there.


Mind you, I almost mentioned the Wizards in yesterday's Worst of the Night because they traded FOR Mike James, the shoot-first point guard whom Byron Scott didn't trust to play the three or four minutes a game that Chris Paul sits out. The so-called Amityville Scorer, who's something of a homeless man's Gilbert Arenas, played 10 minutes, shot 0-for-6, and finished with a point, an assist, a steal and a foul. But I'm sure he just needs time to adjust to Ed Tapscott's system. That and some kind of magic potion that can transform him into a real NBA player. Oh, and here's a bonus picture of James getting the ball knocked away by Big Baby. That's right: James has regressed to the point where he isn't faster and more mobile than Glen Davis.

I know there's a lot of Big Baby to get around,Mike, but you should still be able to do it.
Speaking of that trade, TehJay pointed out that Javaris Crittenton played 6 minutes last night, contributing 4 turnovers and nothing else. Added TehJay: "Washington got a steal with this trade!"

Also, here's a question for the Basketbawful faithful: Are the Cavs, Celtics and Lakers just incredibly awesome or does the rest of the league just kinda suck this season? I'm leaning toward the latter. Discuss.

Brian Scalabrine: Here's a gold nugget from the AP game notes: "Rivers put in the players at the end of his bench for most of the fourth quarter, and what was left of the sellout crowd of 20,173 kept chanting reserve forward Brian Scalabrine's last name, apparently hoping to see him score, or at least shoot. He put up his one and only attempt with 3 seconds left -- and it was blocked." I promise you I'm not ghost writing for the AP under the pseudonym "Howard Fendrich." As far as you know. For the record, it was JaVale McGee who decided to ego-ectomize Scal on that final play. It's just like John Kreese said: We do not train to be merciful here. Mercy is for the weak. A man confronts you, he is the enemy. An enemy deserves no mercy.

Here's another bonus pic. The caption: "Brian Scalabrine of the Boston Celtics plays a game with a child from Boston Medical Center during a Boston Celtics Holiday Party on December 9, 2008 at the Dick's Last Resort in Boston, Massachusetts." Have you ever seen someone look so bewildered during a game of Jenga?

Jeez, Brian. It's Jenga, not rocket science.
The Dallas Mavericks: They barely held off the Bobcats in Dallas. Woo hoo! Yes, that's sarcasm. Worse is that Charlotte was missing Gerald Wallace (who has not returned to the team following the death of his grandmother) and just traded away their leading scorer, therefore they were playing with a bench so short that Adam Morrison logged 20 minutes...and scored 9 points on 4-for-6 shooting. I'm not going to bother to check, but I'm guessing that's a season-high for the 'Stache. Said 'Cats coach Larry Brown: "We played a lot of guys who've never really played before." Which, of course, is Larry's passive-aggressive way of mocking the Mavs while making excuses for his team. That's what coaching experience is all about, baby.

Countered Mavericks coach Rick Carlisle: "It was about defense tonight. They're a difficult team because they're very persistent." Really, Rick? Really? So persistent they rank dead last in PPG (89.8) and darn close in field goal percentage (43.7). Although I suppose I should credit Dallas for holding them to only 0.2 points above their scoring average. That's something.

DeSagana Diop: The Mavs sure are lucky they managed to resign Diop last summer! I got into some pretty heated arguments with some commenters last year when Diop was included as an add-on in the Jason Kidd trade. My stance: He's a nearly useless, seven-foot stiff. My opponents' stance: He's an invaluable rebounding and defensive presence. Well, his performance this season has been a little thing I like to call "checkmate." Last night's line: 3 minutes, 2 fouls, and a suck differential of +2. By the way, that contract he signed? It's worth more than $32 million over five years. So, in considering Diop's free agent deal, the Harris-for-Kidd trade and the fact that the Mavs chose to give Erick Dampier a seven-year, $72 million contract instead of re-signing Steve Nash...can we all just agree once and for all that Mark Cuban isn't quite the genius he thinks he is and leave it at that?

Emeka Okafor: The Okafor watch continues! Oaky had a season-high 27 points and 17 rebounds. And zero assists. Again. That's another 41 minutes without a dime. The current season numbers stand at: 781 minutes, 195 field goal attempts, 98 free throw attempts, 48 turnovers and 7 assists in 23 games. And since his season-high is 1 assist, that means he's played 16 games without one. To which I say: Damn, dawg. You're not even letting the GROUND touch the ball. [Opens Okafor's closet and watches in stunned silence as thousands of balls spill out.]

Matt Harpring's defense: C'mon, Matt. I'm pretty sure that's against some sort of rule...

Memo to Matt: It's "hand in the face," not "fistful of jersey."
Deron Williams' shooting: "Dear, Deron. Including last night's 5-for-16 shooting performance, you're now hitting 37 percent of your field goals on the season. This is killing my fantasy team. Please put in some extra practice or take better shots. Thank you in advance. Sincerely, Basketbawful."

The Portland Trail Blazers: Hm. They've quietly lost three of four, and it would be four in a row if not for Steve Blake's three with 8 seconds left against the Raptors. I'm just sayin'. Meanwhile, what's up with this quote from Brandon Roy? "They did a great job and we've got to give them all the credit, but now it's our turn when we face them again to protect our home court." When I read that, I figured maybe they had a home-and-home with the Jazz. Nope. They don't face the Jazz in Portland until January 31st. I wonder if there was some trash talk going on during the game. But be careful what you wish for, Brandon. Utah should have Carlos Boozer back by then, so I'm guessing they'll be a little tougher.

Update! Brandon Roy: Not sure how I missed this, but Ben did not: "Shouldn't Brandon Roy earn some malaprops for his Okafor last night? Sure he had 33 points on 12-22 shooting, but when your starting PG gets no dimes in nearly 43 minutes, your team's chances of winning are going to be just south of diddley-squat." Good point. Although, technically speaking, Steve Blake is the startin PG while Roy starts at the two-spot. But still, Roy averages 5 APG and a lot of the Blazers' offense goes through him...so, yeah, he gets a mention. But honestly, Ben, you had me at "malaprops."

Update! Kobe Bryant: He called Mo's Bar and said: "Uh, yeah, I'd like to speak to a Mr. Tabooger, first name Ollie."

Death: Bettie Page passed away last night. She was 85. She was an amazing woman who lived an amazing life. She really changed the world. I'm bummed.

Thanks for the memories, Bettie.

Labels: Boston Celtics, Brian Scalabrine, Charlotte Bobcats, Dallas Mavericks, DeSagana Diop, Emeka Okafor, Portland Trail Blazers, Utah Jazz, Washington Wizards