Sad Philly bench
Today's sad bench photo is brought to you by the Philadelphia 76ers.

The Philadelphia 76ers: Philly's two-game winning streak -- which, one assumes, was close to a season high for them -- came to an end as the Oklahoma City Thunder gave the Sixers a 111-93 pimp slap in the Wachovia Center. The loss dropped the Deep Sixers to 12-25 at home. Historic fail update: This is the first season Philly has lost more than 22 home games since they dropped 30 in 1996-97. For the record, that 22-win team featured Allen Iverson, Derrick Coleman and Jerry Stackhouse.

Eddie Jordan facepalm
What would a WotN post be without
at least one facepalm photo, right?

Said Elton Brand: "We were close for a while, and then the beginning of the fourth quarter, they kind of exploded on us."

Boom, baby. And yes, as Will correctly pointed out, that makes The 80 Million Dollar Man an unintentionally dirty quote machine.

Added Jrue Holiday: "I think we missed some easy shots."

And some difficult shots. And some moderately difficult shots. And some moderately easy shots. And...oh, speaking of missing shots...

Jason Kapono: His one job is to shoot jumpers. That's what he does. It's all he does. Except when he doesn't. Take last night, for instance, when Kapono went 0-for-5 from the field (including 0-for-3 from downtown) in 26 minutes. His final point total: Zero. Which, ironically, is the same as his percentage chance of staying in the league when his contract expires after next season.

Yes, Jason. That's the future you see.
So very dark and lonely, isn't it?

The Excremento Kings: The Paupers became the latest victim of the Indiana Pacers Let's Ruin Our Draft Pick So We Can Be Terrible Forevers. After their 102-95 home victory over Excremento, Indy has won eight straight games in Conseco Field House and six of seven overall. Who cares if there were 10 times as many Bulter University shirts than Pacers gear in Conseco last night? Danny Granger (25 of his 33 points in the second half and 30+ PPG over his last seven games) is on fire and the LRODPSWCBTFs are -- get ready for it! -- surging.

All the way to 28-47.

Said Indiana coach Jim O'Brien: "We continue a very nice run at home. It's nice to establish a home-court advantage. The guys are enjoying winning, obviously."


Tyreke Evans returned from a five-game absence due to a concussion just in time for his team's fifth straight loss. The Freak was impressive, finishing with 17 points, 10 assists, 7 boards and 4 steals. Unfortunately, Excremento coach Paul Westphal didn't figure out until the fourth quarter that the LRODPSWCBTFs couldn't guard him. Time to bench Spencer Hawes again!

Said Westphal: Westphal said. "We needed to do a better job of controlling Granger and executing our offense."

That's why he's the coach and y'all are not.

The Los Angeles Clippers: Choose the false statement from the following:

A. The Clippers have lost 12 of their last 13 road games.

B. The Clippers have lost 12 of their last 14 games overall.

C. They are who we thought they were.

D. Nobody gives a shit about Big Foot.
If you follow this site regularly, I really don't need to give you the answer, do I?

The Clippers shot 36 percent from the field and were outscored 17-2 in transition. Baron Davis didn't play because of Ijustwanttheseasontobeover-itis, and Eric Gordon and Travis Outlaw combined to shoot 5-for-23 from the field. Let's face it, when Drew Gooden (20 points, 11 rebounds) is by far your best player on a given night, chances are things didn't go very well that night. And they didn't.

About the only intresting part of this 107-89 ass-whooping was when Andy Bogut (who is a center) and Steve Blake (who is teeny) got pissy with each other during the third quarter. Enter Brandon Jennings, who rushed to Bogut's rescue. No, really. Here's some video, via ClipperBlog:

Here's some extended video, if you'd like to see the fracas in slow motion from several different angles.

Said Jennings: "I'm going to protect my teammate. Don't run up on my big man like that, I had to tell [Blake], chill out and make sure everything was all right."

Aw, leave Steve alone, Brandon. The fact that he cares about anything anymore is a near miracle. He is a Clipper, you know.

Added Bogut: "That's the way he is. He's a guy with a chip on his shoulder, too, and I stick up for him, he sticks up for me and I think we have a team that's pretty good with that. Once the playoffs come and there's little skirmishes and scuffles, it's not one guy on the court, it's five guys and we need to understand that's what we need to do in the playoffs to even be competitive in a series."

Yeah. Listen to Bogut...the five-game playoff veteran. That 4-1 first round playoff loss to the Pistons back in 2006 taught him so much.

As for Blake, this is what he had to say about the scuffle: "There's no need to talk about that. That play is over. We'll just leave that on the court."

Wel, good. It sounds like he took Jennings' advice and chilled out.

The Washington Wizards Generals Bullets: The Rockets entered last night's home game against the Bullets with a four-game losing streak. Washington, on the other hand, was 0-for-March. Can you guess how this one turned out? Here's a hint: The losing team set a new franchise record with their 16th consecutive defeat.

Said Washington's soon-to-be-ex-coach Flip Saunders: "We were right there but couldn't get the job done. We've been in games like that all season and that's what's very frustrating."

Memo to Flip from Brandon Jennings: Just chill out.

In related news, the Bullets' last win was on February 28...against the 10-win New Jersey Nyets.

Actually, this was a game of M.A.S.H. unit versus M.A.S.H. unit. The Rockets have been without Yao Ming The Great Wall of Broken China all season and are also missing Shane Battier, Jared Jeffries and David Anderson. Meanwhile, the Bullets have been without Gilbert Arenas Quick Draw McGraw for, like, three seasons and are also minus Josh Howard, Randy Foye and Al Thornton. Jesus Christ. Team practices for these squads must be like the Thunder Dome. Which brings me to a comment left in yesterday's BAD post by Basketbawful reader Will:

Here's Washington's starting lineup: Shawn Livingston, Nick Young, Mike Miller, Fabricio Oberto, and Andray "Mr. Maturity" Blatche. I do believe they are challenging that lineup Chicago trotted out a few weeks ago (featuring the immortal Acie Law) for worst lineup of the year.
Although you cannot see or near my vigorous nodding, that doesn't mean it isn't happening.

Andray Blatch (31 points, 10 rebounds), who recently refused to take responsibility for not playing defense and then demanded an apology from his coach, decided it was time to step up and show some post-defeat leadership: "I'm going to take full responsibility for the loss. I made tough decisions down the stretch and I didn't rely on my teammates ... I tried to do things I shouldn't. I thought there was no way we could lose that game. I need to show more trust in my teammates."

Well, I'm glad he's matured.

Derrick Rose: Here's what I wrote yesterday at By The Horns:

Over at Basketbawful, I've spent the last year-plus making fun of New Jersey's Devin Harris for saying "We knew we were going to be a playoff team" back in December of 2008. Since Devin crammed his foot into his mouth with that unfortunate statement, the Nets have gone 34-104 and become one of the worst teams in NBA history.

As stat curses go, that’s up there with the best of them, so you can imagine how I felt when Basketbawful reader godhimself48 drew my attention to Chicago's very own Derrick Rose pulling a Devin Harris.

Said Rose: "We're still going to make it. You can't think about stuff like [not making the playoffs]. In my mind, we'll be making the eighth spot. We'll be playing LeBron [James] — playing Cleveland. The closer we get, the [more] I'm going to think that. We can't walk around acting like we're not going to make it, because that's when things turn on you. Our biggest goal is to make the playoffs, and we're going to make it."

Admittedly, what Rose said isn't as bad as what Harris predicted less than 20 games into his team's 2008-09 season. If anything, it seems like Derrick is using positive visualization. Still…I'd rather he just let his game do the talking and leave the psychic visions to Miss Cleo.
In related news, the Bulls suffered a 111-105 home defeat to the Phoenix Suns that may prove catastrophic to their playoff chances. Coincidence? I think not.

The worst part: Steve Nash owned the game down the stretch. Usually, Chicago coach Vinny Del Negro uses Kirk Hinrich to harass Nash, but Captain Kirk got beamed out of the game for good after spraining his ankle in the second quarter (thanks to Joakim Noah's clown show-sized feet).

Fortunately, D-Rose has the speed, strength and athleticism to check Nash in crunch time. Unfortunately, Derrick can't really play defense, so Del Negro was forced to use Jannero Pargo. Or mabye it was a cardboard cutout of Pargo, because Nash kept gliding into the paint like Jannero was bolted to the floor.

The moral of this story is: Don't make Guaransheeds.

John Hollinger: Want to read classic lines like "On a per possession basis, [LeBron's] triple-crown stats of 29.8 points, 7.2 rebounds and 8.6 assists crush Oscar Robertson's triple-double season in 1961-62 … or Jordan's 32.5-8.0-8.0 season in 1988-89 … or just about any statistical season in history"? Then I have just the article for you!

Can I just say that the "Let's Compare Michael Jordan to Player X" articles that come out each and every season make me want to face-punch something cute and cuddly to death? Why do we have to go through this over and over and over? I get it, John. You developed the Player Efficiency Rating and love to talk about it. It's your raison d'etre. And King Crab -- who's current PER stands at 31.81 -- has a chance to beat out MJ's best-ever single-season PER of 31.89 from the 1987-88 season. Wonderful. Fantastic. Call me when it happens. Better yet, don't.

Look, MJ was the GOAT. LeBron James is the GORN. (Greatest Of Right Now, in case you thought I was talking about the lizard guy who beat up Captain Kirk in that old Star Trek episode). Look, James is awesome and has had a standout career so far. But Jordan...I mean...we're talking six NBA titles, 6 Finals MVP, a Defensive Player of the Year award, nine selections to the NBA All-Defensive First Team, three All-Star Game MVPs, two Slam Dunk Championships, two Gold Medals, etc.

I could go on, but here's the most important part: MJ owned the NBA. He ripped out the hearts of anyone and everyone who challenged him, individually, statistically and in the all-important category of winning. We have not seen that level of greatness from King Crab yet.

Simply put, there are no comparisons to Michael Jordan.

LeBron has one of the best PERs of all time. Good for him. He's currently in his seventh season and might win his first NBA title, which puts him on pace with Jordan, who won his first championship in his seventh season. They also both breath air and eat human food. But what's the point in making all those needless comparisons.

Can we just agree to shelve the MJ-LeBron comparison until LeBron's career is over? Because right now, it honestly doesn't make any sense, no matter how many numbers you throw at it.

Update! Lacktion report: I missed this the first time, but chris once again came through with the lacktion report:

Thunder-Sixers: Kyle Weaver dreamed up a brick from Jeweler's Row and added two fouls for a +3 suck differential in 4:13.

Suns-Bulls: Chris Richard fouled once in 46 seconds after making contact with a Piranha Plant, resulting in a +1 and a 1:0 Madsen-level Voskuhl in a duration that also earned a MARIO!

Clippers-Bucks: The John Salmons Era rolled on tonight with Primoz Brezec being fished from the roster as the human victory cigar of the moment, bricking and fouling once each in 3:34 for a +2 that also earned a 1:0 Madsen-level Voskuhl.

Bullets-Rockets: Former East Oaklander Cartier Martin explored the ledger for his newest team, firing off a brick from Heritage Plaza and popping out a pair of fouls for a +3 in exactly 6 minutes!!!

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Anonymous Stockton said...
Sad bench? One of those guys is paid 80M to sit watching players worse than him running around... what's sad about that?

Blogger Basketbawful said...
Sad bench? One of those guys is paid 80M to sit watching players worse than him running around... what's sad about that?

Hm. Good point.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Maybe it's "sad" as in "pathetic." Much like the Indiana Pacers.

As a matter of fact. They are no longer the Pacers. The are the Srecap!
Me contract players awesome!

Blogger Will said...
"We were close for a while, and then the beginning of the fourth quarter, they kind of exploded on us."
Dude, that is totally an unintentional dirty quote.
WV: spersh "When the Thunder 'exploded' on the Sixers, they made a 'spersh' sound."

Blogger Will said...
Said Indiana coach Jim O'Brien: "We continue a very nice run at home. It's nice to establish a home-court advantage. The guys are enjoying winning, obviously."
Home-court for what exactly? The king-of-the-tards playoffs?
PS that's what I call the consolation winner in yahoo fantasy hoops.

Blogger Basketbawful said...
Dude, that is totally an unintentional dirty quote.

Damn it, you're right. I meant to make note of that. Fortunately when you blog, there's always a chance to fix your mistakes...

Anonymous Sorbo said...
Thanks for the Hollinger shout out: I hate that guy. His follow up article today (after yesterday's MJ vs. LeBrizon) was about how the Lakers are in trouble, because the Jazz are streaking at the right time. That's right: Those Suns. His team per-diem, wiz-bang machine even reflects it.

I realized his game with both his stories and his stats. No one really cares, so like a sportstalk radio host, he writes/says inflammatory things to get people to talk about him (and his stat machine). It's all about job security, if he just simply stated the obvious, then no one would care. Like so:

Here's the simple truth about the Suns current rise. Check out this schedule for March: 9 home games (including 7 in a row) and 5 roadies, with the road games coming against such powerhouses like the Clippers, Warriors, Wolves, Bulls, and tonight against the Nyets. My 30-and-over team can rack up a 9-game winning streak with that competition. The Suns only losses in March: The Lakers and the Mormons (both at home).

As for the Jazz's rise. They have a good point guard, a good sixth man in Milsap, and have a power forward that cares this season (see: Boozer, contract year, and Cleveland). But when Okur is your starting center, you don't make it to the Finals.

Also, the Lakers don't give a shit right now. Christ, I'm a fan of the team, and I don't give a shit right now. They will get the 1-seed in the West, but won't get the overall 1-seed in the league. They have nothing to play for until the playoffs start, while the bottom-half of the league is desperately trying to avoid the 4/5/8 seeds, to avoid a first or second round exit. I wouldn't be surprised if some teams purposely drop games at the end of the season to fall into the 6/7 seeds, a la the 2005 Clippers.

In any case, stating the obvious doesn't help Hollinger stat stories.

Blogger geremy said...
thank you thank you thank you thank you THANK YOU for addressing the jordan comparisons. i had the exact same thought the other day. no one can compare, hardly statistically, and not at all when it comes to the intangibles (like how he owned the league). i just wish people would let it go. it's almost as though all of these comparisons slightly devalue him.

and i'm a phoenix fan, i'm supposed to hate the guy, but he was THAT good. the sorta guy that you could catch sleeping with your wife, and still want to go have a beer with him after he's done!

Blogger Unknown said...
"If I'm honest, I was taking so many meds for my back and cold that I actually felt a little loopy for most of the game," Nash said. "It helped my back but I was a little dizzy out there. At the end of the game I just tried to hang in there. We had a chance to win and I was fortunate to make some plays when it counted." Steve Nash

and he went for 22 and 10 what a bad ass

Anonymous Anonymous said...
It would be just nice to know that at least *somebody* is sleeping with my wife.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
The Jordan comparisons are on the rise because of the milking of any possible Jordan news story due to his new team ownership.

Also, sad-yay for the Suns who locked up their playoff spot.

Blogger Ash said...
I'm surprised the Lakers haven't benched their starters already. They'd have to lose all the rest of their games, and Denver win the rest, to lose out on the top seed.

Why should they care anymore about the regular season?

Anonymous Anonymous said...
I'm so glad you put up that video of Tourette's guy. Every time you put an "Update!" on your articles, I always imagine it's him yelling at me

Blogger Basketbawful said...
It would be just nice to know that at least *somebody* is sleeping with my wife.


Also, sad-yay for the Suns who locked up their playoff spot.

And thus it is confirmed: Shaq was the problem. (And Amar''''''e's eye.)

Why should they care anymore about the regular season?

Going into the playoffs "cold" never seems like the best idea.

I'm so glad you put up that video of Tourette's guy. Every time you put an "Update!" on your articles, I always imagine it's him yelling at me

Heh. And everytime I write "Update!" I'm hearing his voice in my head. Of course, I always hear his voice in my head.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
Tourette's guy is actually a pretty good mascot for expressing my feelings about this season.


Anonymous laddder said...
I hate statistical comparisons to MJ, here's the bottom line: He's never lost the most important series, NBA finals. How many people can say that? (cept for one and dones like stephen jackson)

Blogger Dan B. said...
I'm so glad you put up that video of Tourette's guy. Every time you put an "Update!" on your articles, I always imagine it's him yelling at me

Oh man. For some reason, even though I have long loved Tourette's Guy's stuff, I had never heard his voice when reading the "Update!" tag in WOTN posts. And now I will have no choice but to hear that in my head. And that makes me smile.

Blogger Unknown said...
"Danny, what do you want for breakfast?"

"Bacon and eggs, dear."



Love it.

Blogger Basketbawful said...
Since we're talking Tourette's guy, here's the TG quote that encapsulates my NBA season to date:

"The last time I gave a shit, I got fucked!"

Anonymous Anonymous said...
I didn't know Steve Blake had a lil bit of street in him. He looks like a typical pasty white boy, but I thought he was ready to deck Bogut in his giant Australian head. It woulda been "Down goes Bogut!!!!"

Anonymous Hery said...
good information