DENIED.
Well, I think this one picture pretty much sums up that Bulls game

So, it sounds like the general consesus is that I shouldn't exactly be kicking myself for not seeing last night's Bulls game. I was bowling in league, and the one TV near my lanes was showing the Butler/Syracuse game. (Special bawful mention for the airballed free-throw attempt very late in the game by some random Butler player that was so short it barely brushed the bottom of the net. Way to show up in the clutch, champ.)

It does, however, sound like I missed an eventful broadcasting experiment where Ernie, Kenny, and Chuck ventured out onto the floor to do the play-by-play. In honor of this occasion, get ready for a heavy dose of the TNT crew in the WOTN in Pictures.

Worst of the Night in Pictures:

Crackberry
CAPTION THIS!
What is Charles Barkley texting/tweeting?


Flower
Chuck is big pimpin' again, I see. (However, what are Ernie and Kenny looking at?)


Sombrero
Chuck is... I have no idea. Why the hell is he wearing a sombrero?


Grimace
I haven't seen a grimace like this since the last time I went to McDonald's


Adelman
Appropriately enough, Rick Adelman pulled a Dunleavy while coaching against the Clippers


Random Craig Sager is random.
Craig Sager is consistently entertaining, even if for all the wrong reasons

Nationally Televised Friday Games:
Heat at Bucks: Fear the deer! (I enjoy saying that way too much.)

All The Other Friday Games:
Jazz at Pacers: Danny Granger claims he doesn't believe in tanking for a better draft pick because it goes against "every principle of sportsmanship." While true, that also doesn't explain how the hell they're on a winning streak. This team is garbage! They shouldn't even be winning games by accident!

Timberwolves at Magic: The Timberpoops are on a 14 game losing streak, and only two losses away from tying the franchise record set back in '91-'92. Also of note, Minnesota has allowed an average of 114.4 points over its last 13 games. Is it possible these two stats are somehow related?

Hawks at 76ers: The Hawks haven't swept a series against the Sixers since '96-'97. For perspective, I'm pretty sure I was still rocking the oversized braided belt look back then. Those were sad times.

Nuggets at Raptors: Fact that should surprise nobody: the Nuggets had their season-high field goal percentage game against the Craptors earlier this season (61.5% on Nov. 17).

Wizards Generals Bullets at Bobcats: What a day. Gilbert Arenas avoids jail but still gets to spend 30 days in a halfway house, and if the Bullets lose this game, they'll set a franchise futility record with 14 consecutive losses.

Kings at Celtics: I... don't have much to say about this game, so instead I'll just pass along this picture of a dude disrespecting a Dennis Johnson jersey by apparently using it to smuggle a spare tire into Fenway.

Pistons at : Oh no. The Pistons are on their worst road game losing streak in a decade, and now they have to face a team trying to avoid being the worst NBA team ever? I'm scared. Hold me.

Lakers at Thunder: Outscoring Durant in all three previous meetings this season, Kobe always gets up for games against Kevin Durant. (Wait a second, that sounded wrong...)

Crabs at Spurs: Old age, injuries, etc. have officially ended the Spurs' glory years. I have to keep reminding myself of that because I foolishly get excited for a split second when I see a game like this on the calendar.

Knicks at Suns: Mike D'Antoni will wake up after a bad dream that he is no longer in Phoenix and is the coach for the Bricks... wait, what? NOOOOOOO!


* * *

Nationally Televised Saturday Games:
Frail Blazers at Hornets: I don't think this season can end soon enough for the Hornets.

All The Other Saturday Games:
Jazz at Wizards Generals Bullets: The Jazz get to play this one night after a road game against the Pacers, but then get to play the Bricks Monday and the Warriors Wednesday. That's pretty much the equivalent of NBA spring break, right?

at Bulls: Who the hell decided to give the Nyets so many reasonable games late in the season? Come on Chicago. Hopefully this game is just a Saturday in the park for them. (Sorry, couldn't help myself.)

Lakers at Rockets: And tossing a little more dirt on the shallow grave that holds the Rockets' season...

Mavericks at Warriors: I'm sure the visiting Mavs really appreciate the chance to play against Don Nelson.


* * *

Nationally Televised Sunday Games:
Spurs at Celtics: Remember what I said about the Crabs/Spurs game on Friday? Just go back and re-read that. I don't feel like hitting copy/paste.

All The Other Sunday Games:
Kings at Crabs: Oh my. If Tyreke the Freak is still all concussiony when this game is played, it could be one of the longest stretches of garbage time we'll see all season for the Crabs.

Grizzlies at Bucks: The Grizzlies get to take on the Bucks after a nice three-day rest. Is that enough to derail the John Salmons Express?

Pacers at Hawks: The surging Pacers... sorry, couldn't say it with a straight face.

Bulls at Pistons: Can we get Ernie, Kenny, and Chuck to call this game too?

Raptors at Heat: It would be a total waste of my time trying to predict this game. (You know, aside from the Craptors not playing any defense) We'll just have to go with the flow and see what happens.

Nuggets at Magic: A battle of second-tier teams from both conferences. Could be fun. We can only be sure of one thing -- Stan Van Gundy will wear something really gaudy that probably involves a tacky tie-less black shirt buttoned up too high with a jacket.

Suns at Timberwolves: Isn't this the kind of game that the Suns will somehow stupidly manage to screw up and make far too close for comfort? I think so.

Frail Blazers at Thunder: It's certainly possible that some playoff-style intensity could show up in this game. I like it.

Warriors at Clippers: I think it's time to break out some alliteration to describe this game. I'm thinking "The Craptacular California Clusterfuck." Sound about right?

Labels:

45 Comments:
Blogger chris said...
I demand evidence of the braid belt, Dan!

Blogger Trevor said...
For the Charles caption:

To Twitter: This inflatable bull runnin' around is turrible. What kinda knuckleheads are runnin' this show? I'm hungry. #GoWhateverTeamMakesMeLookSkinny

Blogger Cody said...
Chuck's Caption:

"i weqasnhrt sa dfsopujyrt"

(Tried to tell someone, "I want a donut", but fingers too fat)

Blogger John said...
Charles is texting "fiast6 ogg alla, thejh buxck utidsnj jk asjkl ewew badsketgkvjls."

because that thing looks tiny in his hands. Get it?

Blogger Will said...
Can't you guys tell? He's clearly texting "Ernie, thanks for the roses."

Blogger Brian said...
If the Nyets don't break the record for futility, we can still hope the Timberpoops lose their last ten games for a 24 game losing streak.

Anonymous laddder said...
what the hell, chuck's phone looks like the model phones in cell phone stores.

Blogger manders said...
5 years post-retirement and he's still bringing the bawful: Shawn Bradley is running for state office.

http://mavsblog.dallasnews.com/archives/2010/03/former-mavericks-center-shawn-bradley-ru.html

Blogger Will said...
Kobe almost had a Voskuhl (if he were a center): 11 pts. and 6 reb vs. 9 TO and 4 fouls.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Fuck you Pistons.

Anonymous Hellshocked said...
Fucking Nets. Yi Jianlian decided to have his first big game in months and it coincided with a big game from Brook Lopez for the first time pretty much ever.

The Nets are so fail they even failed to get the worst record in NBA history despite having every single advantage possible.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
Just heard the bad news. Damn Nets!

Blogger chris said...
ugh.

ugh.

Detroit (yes, I would even include Oakland County in this) and Sacramento are suffering from terrible economies, so maybe that explains why both teams could not afford to use a lineup that was strong enough to defeat the Nyets.

Or maybe it's just spending too much on morons like Nocioni and Villanueva. Yeah.

Blogger chris said...
To continue something from yesterday's BAD comments...


Barry said...
I was just thinking; how about a Space Jam remake....with lacktators?

Instead of Patty Ewing, Sir Charles, Shawn Bradley and Muggsy Bogues we'll cast players like Darnell Jackson, Mario West, Jake Voskuhl and Kosta Koufos.

Greg Ostertag is the obvious new Jordan, but instead of dunking for the win he'll star in some Monstar man-love and posterization, look goofy and ride the pine after 5 fouls.

We could ask Wayne Knight back, he's got nothing going for him right now, yes? Hollywood should run with this shit, it will be the defining b-ball movie of its generation!

3/26/2010 6:31 AM



chris said...
Barry: I think we need some b-level Looney Tunes instead of the actual stars. Thus, cue up GABBY THE GOAT!

3/26/2010 9:26 AM


I brought it up with one of my best friends (who is huge into older animation, like I am) and he brought up a few appropriate C-level characters from the Warner Brothers oeuvre:

You'll need more than one to make the team. Don't forget about Bosko (and his RC Honey), Buddy (and his RC Cookie), Slowpoke Rodriguez, Henery Hawk, Hippety Hopper, Merlin the Magic Mouse (and his assistant Second Banana), and more.

I brought up the ever-useless Beaky Buzzard. Ah, good times!

Anonymous Anonymous said...
I read basketbawful so often that you actually had me rooting for the nets to lose. I'm so mad that they won. Damn Pistons are worthless. Oh well, they can still tie! At least the Crabs and Lakers lost, so it makes the day a little bit better. But, still crying on the inside.

Anonymous Mladen said...
Fuck you Nets.

Fuck you Pistons.

Fuck you Joe Dumars.

Also, just checked out the NBA.com game recap from the Knicks vs Suns game: I couldn't stop myself from laughing, when they mentioned at the beginning how 'Antoni is trying to find a way to stop Amar'e. Are they serious??? They finished it off with a nice bawful shot of 'Antoni contemplating suicide on the bench.

Anonymous Mladen said...
Also, check out this comment from Devin Harris:

"We're smiling. It's good to get two wins in a row, but we're not satisfied. We want to continue to be better and finish the season on a high note."

Seriously??? A high note??? Oh, how I hope he jinxes his team again!

Blogger Brian said...
The Nets' epic two game winning streak has already set unrealistic expectations.

Said Brook Lopez: "Like I've been telling these guys, it's finally paying off. Hopefully, we'll continue streaking."

Yeah, good luck with that. Speaking of streaking teams, the Pacers are still uh... "surging".

Blogger Basketbawful said...
I was afraid of this. That's why, several weeks ago, I predicted a Nyets "run" at the end of the season as players and indeed entire teams stop giving a fuck or are starting to think playoffs instead of regular season. (For further details, see Atlanta's loss to the Sixers and L.A.'s loss to the Thunder).

Sadly, I believe the Nyets will end up with 11 or 12 wins.

Blogger Dan B. said...
I hate the 2009-2010 New Jersey Nets team with every fiber of my being.

Blogger Benny Profane said...
I was so happy during the Net's legendary losing streaks. 0-18? I felt like I was watching history. I actually miss that team...it seems so different from this team that has won two in a row

Anonymous Anonymous said...
In consideration for WotW, here's Moped, full of confidence:

http://www.realgm.com/src_wiretap_archives/65601/20100327/monta_puts_himself_next_to_kobe_lebron/

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Nice call on the Spurs game.

Anonymous kazam92 said...
The fact that Chairman Yi scored 31 is rubbing salt into the wound

Blogger tps_report said...
Your game-picking skills are basketbawful

Blogger Steve said...
Despite the Nyets news, the Bricks need some attention for how extremely thoroughly they got beaten down last night:

- Every Sun played, every Sun scored, every Sun except Dragic got at least 1 rebound (starters all got between 5 and 9).

- Channing Freaking Frye tied his season high for rebounds (11).

- The Suns (THE SUNS) out-rebounded New York 56-38 and shot 55% from the field (NYK: 38%).

- Earl Clark (who'd been shooting 36% from the field) made 3-of-4, with 3 rebounds and an assist in six minutes, being a barely above D-League player thus far this season.

- The Suns' defense held the not-shabby 101.6-points-per-game Kicks to under 100 points.

- The Suns scored at least 30 points every quarter.

- The score would've been higher if the Suns hadn't basically stopped playing with 2 minutes left, even going to the point of giving themselves a shot-clock violation when they got the ball with 25 seconds left in the game.

- Did I mention the Suns won by 36?

There was a really poetic justice to how well the bench played in this game, since Mike "Seven Players or Less" 'Antoni refuses to play a bench, and especially rookies (just ask Jordan Hill), and many fans consider this a big reason the Suns didn't go all the way.

- Nobody played more than 27 minutes, and nobody played less than 6. Most played about 20.

- The Suns' starters started coming out of the game with 6:33 left in the third, and were all out at 1:43. None returned.

- The very end of the bench (Collins and Clark) played half of the fourth.

- Mike had 3 starters (Gallinari, Lee, and Douglas) STILL IN THE GAME at the end of the 4th. They all came back in the game at about 6:20 left in the fourth, down by twenty-nine. "OK guys, go win it!"

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Caption this:

"Can someone bring me a cheezburgur? i think im stuck in my chair and i havent eaten in over 4 seconds."

Anonymous Arlen said...
college manlove:
http://a.espncdn.com/photo/2010/0327/ncb_g_butler14_576.jpg

Anonymous Anonymous said...
"I thought Pau was soft inside."- Phil Jackson, dirty quote machine

Anonymous Anonymous said...
"What a performance by Beaubois," Warriors coach Don Nelson said. "Unbelievable. We left him open a couple of times but it didn't matter. He made shots when we covered him, when he was open. Nine 3s, what a performance. I didn't expect that."

WAIT. The Warriors DEFENSIVE STRATEGY was to leave the hottest guy in the game OPEN?

*Facepalm*

Blogger chris said...
Anonymous (re: Warriors "Defense") -

You know you suck when the Mavs feel that lacktator supreme Rodrigue Beaubois can get hot against you.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
This is related to the Lebron comment about "I can have the scoring title whenever I want." I'm a lil late checkin on the site but I just had to get this in.

First of all, its extremely cocky and dickheaded to say something like that. I can't even be a fan of his anymore, he's turning into the NBA's version of Terrell Owens.

And secondly, am I the only person who thinks what he said isn't true? If Kobe, Wade, Durant, or Melo turned into full force SWAC's (Kobe even more so than now) they all could lead the league in scoring.

Especially Carmelo. Nobody scores as easily as effortlessly as he does. If Denver ran a Melo-centric offense like Cleveland does for Lebron, Melo could average 40 points along with at least 7 assists. But Melo has to defer occasionally to Mr Big Shot and the SWAC J.R. Smith. That is all.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
I live in Dallas and watch lots of Mavs games, and its a shame they don't play Beaubois more than they normally do. He's the most talented player they have (talented, not best) but they instead play these crusty veterans that usually have decent but rarely great games. Hopefully Carlisle will let this kid loose more often.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Wizards and Timberpuppies on a 15 game losing streak! Guess we still have something to watch for bawful history. The Timberpuppies still have 9 games left while the Wizards have 10 more left. Do you think one of these teams lose 20 in a row?

Blogger Barry said...
I didn't even know they had so many characters until I saw the whole list, it's like some guy was high on crack at the time and just threw a kooky name on every animal in the kingdom!

We could bring in some lacktators of yesteryear, there's cheesy rap music in abundance these days. We could have had its first screening before one of the Nets'home games!

Anonymous abrakadabra said...
Chris:
To be fair, the reason Beaubois appeared on the lacktatorlist so often goes by the name of Rick C.

Could be ROY with playing time. Speed kills in this league.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Seriously Detroit, what's your deal? You were so worried about the Nets becoming the worse team in NBA history that you had to tank the game just so they couldn't get in the history books. It's almost like you want people to remember that your football team ran the table in reverse (0-16), your home state college team (Michigan State) gagged last year in the NCAA title game hosted in your city, the Red Wings caved in the Stanley Cup Finals last year, The Tigers were blitzed in the 2006 World Series or that your vaunted Michigan Wolverines invalidated their college football card by losing to a Division 2 school. We get it. Your city sucks, your state sucks. It has for years. But now that another state has threatened to take the mantle of "worst in America" via a god-awful basketball team and some a-hole called "The Situation," you step up and ruin their hopes and dreams by proving that no matter how much they suck, you suck worse. Thanks. If Jerome Bettis started to claim that he was from Pittsburgh, I don't think anyone would complain at this point.

Anonymous D. Highmore said...
I've been a Hornets fan for almost 20 years, and by all rights I should be upset about missing the playoffs. But the Nets winning 2 in a row... Damn, is it wrong that I'm more upset about that? I mean, the Hornets will have plenty more time to suck, but the Nets... That's a once in a lifetime opportunity they just blew. Would anyone know even a single player from the '73 Sixers if they hadn't lost 73 games? The Nets just doomed themselves to a lifetime of obscurity.

Blogger Benny Profane said...
Gotta love Beaubois just for this play: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lUSReCgD1uE

Re: the Warriors. Who needs defense when you have Monta Ellis, "the number two player in the league" (according to himself). Can't wait for Larry Ellison to take over, hopefully he cleans house.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Other Anonymous... Dissing Michigan and all their Sports teams is pretty dumb. Only 4 states have more professional sports titles in the last decade.

Massachusetts: 6 (Pats x3, Celts x1, Sox x2)
California: 6 (Lakers x4, Ducks x1, Angels x1)
Florida: 4 (Heat x1, Lightening x1, Bucs x1, Marlins x1)
Pennsylvania: 4 (Steelers x2, Penguins x1, Phillies x1)

Then it is a tie between Michigan (3; Pistons x1, Red Wings x2)
And Texas (3; All Spurs)

Not bad for a State with a bad economy and only 1 major sports city. Also, the college teams have all had plenty of success, in basketball, MSU winning a title and reaching the final four several times and in football UofM being very solid during the Carr era.

But yeah, the Pistons totally suck right now. I think Gordan and CV combined for 3 points against Chicago. Time to plot against Joe Dumars. . .

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Oh, New York had 3 too. Giants x1 and Yankees x2

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Seriously spot-on with the Spurs, man. Just amazing.

Blogger Dan B. said...
The second half performance by the Celtics tonight was one of the worst 24 minute stretches of basketball I have seen in a long, long time. And perhaps worse, it was one of the laziest stretches too. I cannot complain one bit about the fans booing when the Celtics stood around and watched on loose balls as the Spurs grabbed control of rebounds, 50/50 balls, etc. Absolutely disgusting. The first half of the game played out pretty much how I expected it to. The second half? Not so much...

In related news, where the hell did Manu Ginobili find the Fountain of Youth? He sure didn't look ANYTHING like this before the All-Star break.

Blogger jim said...
i just want to point out yahoo's notes about beaubois's 40 point game:

"Roddy Beaubois joined Brandon Jennings as the only rookies with at least 40 points in a game this season.... Beaubois set career highs in points (40), made field goals (15), made 3-pointers (9), rebounds (8) and blocks (3). Both Beaubois and Jennings, ironically, had their career nights against Golden State. Jennings scored 55 against the Warriors in November."

i don't think the word you're looking for isn't "ironically"...

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Bashing Michigan is totally fair game. The Pistons celebrate their 2004 title by causing a fight in the stands during a regular season game that began the destruction of the Pacers franchise, and then almost riding that to another title (the one time I was rooting for the Spurs to win). And Chris Webber costing his team a national title by calling a timeout late when they had none is an epic fail (compounded by the scandal that would later vacate their Final Four appearance outright). Red Wings get a pass though, it's not like they choked in the playoffs.

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