Today's sad bench photo is brought to you by the Philadelphia 76ers.
The Philadelphia 76ers: Philly's two-game winning streak -- which, one assumes, was close to a season high for them -- came to an end as the Oklahoma City Thunder gave the Sixers a 111-93 pimp slap in the Wachovia Center. The loss dropped the Deep Sixers to 12-25 at home. Historic fail update: This is the first season Philly has lost more than 22 home games since they dropped 30 in 1996-97. For the record, that 22-win team featured Allen Iverson, Derrick Coleman and Jerry Stackhouse.

What would a WotN post be withoutat least one facepalm photo, right?
Said Elton Brand: "We were close for a while, and then the beginning of the fourth quarter, they kind of exploded on us."

Boom, baby. And yes, as Will correctly pointed out, that makes The 80 Million Dollar Man an unintentionally dirty quote machine.

Added Jrue Holiday: "I think we missed some easy shots."

And some difficult shots. And some moderately difficult shots. And some moderately easy shots. And...oh, speaking of missing shots...

Jason Kapono: His one job is to shoot jumpers. That's what he does. It's all he does. Except when he doesn't. Take last night, for instance, when Kapono went 0-for-5 from the field (including 0-for-3 from downtown) in 26 minutes. His final point total: Zero. Which, ironically, is the same as his percentage chance of staying in the league when his contract expires after next season.

Yes, Jason. That's the future you see.So very dark and lonely, isn't it?
The Excremento Kings: The Paupers became the latest victim of the Indiana Pacers Let's Ruin Our Draft Pick So We Can Be Terrible Forevers. After their 102-95 home victory over Excremento, Indy has won eight straight games in Conseco Field House and six of seven overall. Who cares if there were 10 times as many Bulter University shirts than Pacers gear in Conseco last night? Danny Granger (25 of his 33 points in the second half and 30+ PPG over his last seven games) is on fire and the LRODPSWCBTFs are -- get ready for it! -- surging.

All the way to 28-47.

Said Indiana coach Jim O'Brien: "We continue a very nice run at home. It's nice to establish a home-court advantage. The guys are enjoying winning, obviously."

Obviously.

Tyreke Evans returned from a five-game absence due to a concussion just in time for his team's fifth straight loss. The Freak was impressive, finishing with 17 points, 10 assists, 7 boards and 4 steals. Unfortunately, Excremento coach Paul Westphal didn't figure out until the fourth quarter that the LRODPSWCBTFs couldn't guard him. Time to bench Spencer Hawes again!

Said Westphal: Westphal said. "We needed to do a better job of controlling Granger and executing our offense."

That's why he's the coach and y'all are not.

The Los Angeles Clippers: Choose the false statement from the following:

A. The Clippers have lost 12 of their last 13 road games.

B. The Clippers have lost 12 of their last 14 games overall.

C. They are who we thought they were.

D. Nobody gives a shit about Big Foot.

If you follow this site regularly, I really don't need to give you the answer, do I?

The Clippers shot 36 percent from the field and were outscored 17-2 in transition. Baron Davis didn't play because of Ijustwanttheseasontobeover-itis, and Eric Gordon and Travis Outlaw combined to shoot 5-for-23 from the field. Let's face it, when Drew Gooden (20 points, 11 rebounds) is by far your best player on a given night, chances are things didn't go very well that night. And they didn't.

About the only intresting part of this 107-89 ass-whooping was when Andy Bogut (who is a center) and Steve Blake (who is teeny) got pissy with each other during the third quarter. Enter Brandon Jennings, who rushed to Bogut's rescue. No, really. Here's some video, via ClipperBlog:


Here's some extended video, if you'd like to see the fracas in slow motion from several different angles.

Said Jennings: "I'm going to protect my teammate. Don't run up on my big man like that, I had to tell [Blake], chill out and make sure everything was all right."

Aw, leave Steve alone, Brandon. The fact that he cares about anything anymore is a near miracle. He is a Clipper, you know.

Added Bogut: "That's the way he is. He's a guy with a chip on his shoulder, too, and I stick up for him, he sticks up for me and I think we have a team that's pretty good with that. Once the playoffs come and there's little skirmishes and scuffles, it's not one guy on the court, it's five guys and we need to understand that's what we need to do in the playoffs to even be competitive in a series."

Yeah. Listen to Bogut...the five-game playoff veteran. That 4-1 first round playoff loss to the Pistons back in 2006 taught him so much.

As for Blake, this is what he had to say about the scuffle: "There's no need to talk about that. That play is over. We'll just leave that on the court."

Wel, good. It sounds like he took Jennings' advice and chilled out.

The Washington Wizards Generals Bullets: The Rockets entered last night's home game against the Bullets with a four-game losing streak. Washington, on the other hand, was 0-for-March. Can you guess how this one turned out? Here's a hint: The losing team set a new franchise record with their 16th consecutive defeat.

Said Washington's soon-to-be-ex-coach Flip Saunders: "We were right there but couldn't get the job done. We've been in games like that all season and that's what's very frustrating."

Memo to Flip from Brandon Jennings: Just chill out.

In related news, the Bullets' last win was on February 28...against the 10-win New Jersey Nyets.

Actually, this was a game of M.A.S.H. unit versus M.A.S.H. unit. The Rockets have been without Yao Ming The Great Wall of Broken China all season and are also missing Shane Battier, Jared Jeffries and David Anderson. Meanwhile, the Bullets have been without Gilbert Arenas Quick Draw McGraw for, like, three seasons and are also minus Josh Howard, Randy Foye and Al Thornton. Jesus Christ. Team practices for these squads must be like the Thunder Dome. Which brings me to a comment left in yesterday's BAD post by Basketbawful reader Will:

Here's Washington's starting lineup: Shawn Livingston, Nick Young, Mike Miller, Fabricio Oberto, and Andray "Mr. Maturity" Blatche. I do believe they are challenging that lineup Chicago trotted out a few weeks ago (featuring the immortal Acie Law) for worst lineup of the year.

Although you cannot see or near my vigorous nodding, that doesn't mean it isn't happening.

Andray Blatch (31 points, 10 rebounds), who recently refused to take responsibility for not playing defense and then demanded an apology from his coach, decided it was time to step up and show some post-defeat leadership: "I'm going to take full responsibility for the loss. I made tough decisions down the stretch and I didn't rely on my teammates ... I tried to do things I shouldn't. I thought there was no way we could lose that game. I need to show more trust in my teammates."

Well, I'm glad he's matured.

Derrick Rose: Here's what I wrote yesterday at By The Horns:

Over at Basketbawful, I've spent the last year-plus making fun of New Jersey's Devin Harris for saying "We knew we were going to be a playoff team" back in December of 2008. Since Devin crammed his foot into his mouth with that unfortunate statement, the Nets have gone 34-104 and become one of the worst teams in NBA history.

As stat curses go, that’s up there with the best of them, so you can imagine how I felt when Basketbawful reader godhimself48 drew my attention to Chicago's very own Derrick Rose pulling a Devin Harris.

Said Rose: "We're still going to make it. You can't think about stuff like [not making the playoffs]. In my mind, we'll be making the eighth spot. We'll be playing LeBron [James] — playing Cleveland. The closer we get, the [more] I'm going to think that. We can't walk around acting like we're not going to make it, because that's when things turn on you. Our biggest goal is to make the playoffs, and we're going to make it."

Admittedly, what Rose said isn't as bad as what Harris predicted less than 20 games into his team's 2008-09 season. If anything, it seems like Derrick is using positive visualization. Still…I'd rather he just let his game do the talking and leave the psychic visions to Miss Cleo.

In related news, the Bulls suffered a 111-105 home defeat to the Phoenix Suns that may prove catastrophic to their playoff chances. Coincidence? I think not.

The worst part: Steve Nash owned the game down the stretch. Usually, Chicago coach Vinny Del Negro uses Kirk Hinrich to harass Nash, but Captain Kirk got beamed out of the game for good after spraining his ankle in the second quarter (thanks to Joakim Noah's clown show-sized feet).

Fortunately, D-Rose has the speed, strength and athleticism to check Nash in crunch time. Unfortunately, Derrick can't really play defense, so Del Negro was forced to use Jannero Pargo. Or mabye it was a cardboard cutout of Pargo, because Nash kept gliding into the paint like Jannero was bolted to the floor.

The moral of this story is: Don't make Guaransheeds.

John Hollinger: Want to read classic lines like "On a per possession basis, [LeBron's] triple-crown stats of 29.8 points, 7.2 rebounds and 8.6 assists crush Oscar Robertson's triple-double season in 1961-62 … or Jordan's 32.5-8.0-8.0 season in 1988-89 … or just about any statistical season in history"? Then I have just the article for you!

Can I just say that the "Let's Compare Michael Jordan to Player X" articles that come out each and every season make me want to face-punch something cute and cuddly to death? Why do we have to go through this over and over and over? I get it, John. You developed the Player Efficiency Rating and love to talk about it. It's your raison d'etre. And King Crab -- who's current PER stands at 31.81 -- has a chance to beat out MJ's best-ever single-season PER of 31.89 from the 1987-88 season. Wonderful. Fantastic. Call me when it happens. Better yet, don't.

Look, MJ was the GOAT. LeBron James is the GORN. (Greatest Of Right Now, in case you thought I was talking about the lizard guy who beat up Captain Kirk in that old Star Trek episode). Look, James is awesome and has had a standout career so far. But Jordan...I mean...we're talking six NBA titles, 6 Finals MVP, a Defensive Player of the Year award, nine selections to the NBA All-Defensive First Team, three All-Star Game MVPs, two Slam Dunk Championships, two Gold Medals, etc.

I could go on, but here's the most important part: MJ owned the NBA. He ripped out the hearts of anyone and everyone who challenged him, individually, statistically and in the all-important category of winning. We have not seen that level of greatness from King Crab yet.

Simply put, there are no comparisons to Michael Jordan.

LeBron has one of the best PERs of all time. Good for him. He's currently in his seventh season and might win his first NBA title, which puts him on pace with Jordan, who won his first championship in his seventh season. They also both breath air and eat human food. But what's the point in making all those needless comparisons.

Can we just agree to shelve the MJ-LeBron comparison until LeBron's career is over? Because right now, it honestly doesn't make any sense, no matter how many numbers you throw at it.

Update! Lacktion report: I missed this the first time, but chris once again came through with the lacktion report:

Thunder-Sixers: Kyle Weaver dreamed up a brick from Jeweler's Row and added two fouls for a +3 suck differential in 4:13.

Suns-Bulls: Chris Richard fouled once in 46 seconds after making contact with a Piranha Plant, resulting in a +1 and a 1:0 Madsen-level Voskuhl in a duration that also earned a MARIO!

Clippers-Bucks: The John Salmons Era rolled on tonight with Primoz Brezec being fished from the roster as the human victory cigar of the moment, bricking and fouling once each in 3:34 for a +2 that also earned a 1:0 Madsen-level Voskuhl.

Bullets-Rockets: Former East Oaklander Cartier Martin explored the ledger for his newest team, firing off a brick from Heritage Plaza and popping out a pair of fouls for a +3 in exactly 6 minutes!!!

Labels: Derrick Rose, Jason Kapono, John Hollinger, Los Angeles Clippers, Philadelphia 76ers, Sacramento Kings, Washington Wizards, Worst of the Night