Another week here at Basketbawful has come and gone. If you're out this weekend exchanging or returning any Birdmas gifts you got, watch out for the crowds, cause I hear shopping can be a pain this time of year. Well, it's Friday, and since it's not 1995 neither Ice Cube nor Chris Tucker are relevant anymore, so Friday can mean only one thing: it's time for your BAD Weekend Watch. Lots of games, let's get right to it.

Worst of the Night in Pictures:

Melo forgot to put deodorant on before last night's game, which led to many easy looks like the one you see here. No wonder he had 40 points!

Caron Butler played pretty well last night for a guy with no legs.

Here we see Dwight doing his best to try to karate kick Ronnie Brewer off of the invisible platform he's perched on.

"Deron, can you believe I'm wearing such a relatively normal suit?"

Nationally Televised Games - Friday:

Trail Fail Blazers at Crabs - The way Shaq has been playing lately, I don't think I'm out of line to predict that Greg Oden might actually outplay him tonight. Also, LeBron? Stop giving me reasons to not like you as much. Please. I want so badly to like you, but you're making this hard.

Magic at Suns - Fresh off falling apart in spectacular fashion against the Jazz, the Magic look to regroup against a team that shoots as many threes as they do. Here's a tip, Magicians: give it to Dwight Howard, cause I have a hunch that Channing Frye might not be able to guard him in the post.

All the Other Games - Friday:

Nyets at Pacers - Boom! Right off the bat, it's your Basketbawful Game of the Night!

Rockets at 76ers - It's Houston's scrappy against Philly's crappy. Watch for Aaron Brooks and Iverson to be sprinting around after each other all night while Trevor Ariza goes mano a mano with Andre Igoudala.

Hawks at Craptors - Toronto's probably looking for revenge after the Hawks dropped 146 on them last week. Too bad the Dinos stink something awful. After last week's beat down Toronto's Jarrett Jack had this to say: "We should be embarrassed. Everybody should be embarrassed." Yes, Jarrett. Yes, you should.

Mavs at Heat - Lucky for Dallas this game comes in the middle of all that Donaghy brouhaha, otherwise tonight's game might have looked like a three hour session of Dwyane Wade practicing his free throw shooting. In other news I'm hearing Josh Howard's status for this game is uncertain because of lingering ankle pain. I wonder if someone from the team has searched his locker yet for a prescription for medical marijuana?

Knicks at Hornets - A couple weeks ago who would have thought these two teams would meet up while both riding three game winning streaks?

Warriors at Bulls - Vinny Del Negro is hanging onto that coaching spot by his fingernails and Nellie is too drunk to care. Vinny, if there's one way to give yourself a little job security, it's playing against the Golden State "defense." It's almost like a real-life version of NBA 2K10.

Thunder at Grizzlies - Oklahoma City?! Memphis?! Even the mid-market 70s teams think this is getting out of hand. (By the way, think Memphis still is okay with taking Hasheem Thabeet in the draft instead of James Harden?)

Bobcats at Spurs - The Bobcats are 1-8 on the road this season. They only average 90.3 points per game (despite dropping over 100 in their past two games). I wonder if those two stats are somehow related?

Timberwolves at Lakers - Just what we've all been waiting for: a matchup of the two teams in the league that use the triangle offense! You know what you get when you put two triangles together like that? Free tacos.

Nationally Televised Game - Saturday:

Celtics at Bulls - This could be a classic trap game for Boston if they... yeah right. Who knew they'd started televising executions?

All the Other Games - Saturday:

Pacers at Wizards Generals - Indiana's on the second night of a back to back on the road and they're missing Danny Granger. Then again they're playing the Wizards so this really could go either way.

Warriors at Pistons - With Andris Biedrins still out with Pubis Faciitis (or whatever his latest ailment is), the Warriors' interior D is so bad that Ben Wallace might actually be able to score a point or two. You never know.

Bobcats at Mavs - The last time the Mavs played the second night of a back-to-back, they put up a pathetic 75 points. The Bobcats are just the medicine to cure those offensive blues.

Fail Blazers at Bucks - I'm still creeped out by how The Basketball Jones pointed out the other day that Ersan Ilyasova looks just like Richard "The Night Stalker" Ramirez.

Suns at Nuggets - Thank God! A compelling game! Oh, wait, the Suns are on the second night of a back-to-back? Nevermind. Looks like it's one of those "scheduling losses" for Phoenix. Sorry Sunsfans :(

Lakers at Jazz - LA can't really use the "scheduling loss" excuse for this one if they lose, since Utah just proved last night that a team can play in LA one day and Salt Lake City the next and still do quite well.

Timberwolves at Kings - Not only is this your Basketbawful Game of the Night, but it may very well be the Basketbawful Game of the Weekend.

Nationally Televised Game - Sunday:

Spurs at Clippers - This one's the Basketbawful Game of the Night kinda by default, simply because really none of the other games looks to be that bad. Though I have to say, the Spurs having only one road win on the year isn't helping their cause any.

All the Other Games - Sunday:

Rockets at Craptors - Sigh. We're of course assuming that the Dinos haven't gone extinct by this point by even including it on the schedule.

Nyets at Hawks - I wonder if Mikhail Prokhorov feels he's getting his money's worth. Does the NBA have a return policy when you purchase a team? Can he get a store credit and buy another less-crappy team?

Grizzlies at Heat - Two teams going in opposite directions as the Grizzlies have won 8 of 12 while the Heat have lost 7 of 11. I officially don't know what to make of this Grizzlies team. Maybe Miami will beat them and help restore some sense of normalcy.

Crabs at Thunder - No BS, LeBron vs. Durant should be an epic matchup for years to come... and for the first time ever Durantula is averaging more points per game than King Crab is. This game actually could be good. Betcha the NBA schedule makers didn't plan on that.

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Blogger Dan B. said...
Thanks to Wild Yams for writing the vast majority of this post. There are a few of my contributions scattered here and there in it, but I got busy and didn't get a chance to post, so Yams took over for me. Good man. Bad basketball cannot go unreported.

Blogger chris said...
Talking to Dan B. on the phone right now...we just came up with a brilliant comment (well, he did, with my input!) in response to that Grizzlies-OKC mid-market mashup:

"If an Assocation team plays home games in Omaha and nobody is there to watch, does it make a sound?!?"

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
Warriors fans, or fans of all things bawesome, you need to ghost ride, er, I mean, watch this entire video.

Blogger Wild Yams said...
Dan B. - Sorry again about the mixup on all this, hopefully the entry's twice as good with both of our contributions :)

AnacondaHL - I'd seen that video before (and of course I watched the game when it happened), but that never gets old. That guy was hilarious that game!

Blogger Dan B. said...
Wild Yams -- No need to apologize. It turned out bawesome in my opinion. Oftentimes two heads are better than one.

Blogger Boris Tilov said...
Who can believe what the Detroit Pistons are doing with such a depleted squad? Big Ben is a rock. Can you even imagine when Prince, Rip, Gordon, and Bynum get back in the lineup? Breakout seasons all around, to varying degrees. The experience gained now by guys like Stuckey, Bynum, Jerebko, and Atkins will prove very crucial in these guys putting together a playoff run. I mean, hey, it's possible right?

Blogger chris said...
Yep, the first thing on the Kings website right now?

The promo for Dollar Beer Night.

And in case that front page splash gets redirected any time soon, here is their nice little graphic devoted to the fluid of the night...

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
Nash makes me cum buckets. Literally. Buckets of cum.

Blogger chris said...
Did anyone hear during the early broadcast...the supposed Twitter rumor that Shaq was retiring, that was quickly dismissed?

The fact that people immediately found it credible when it was first tweeted speaks volumes about how much he's declined, eh?

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
could the magic hit any more 3's in the 3rd jesus

Blogger chris said...
another three and it's a 1 point game. :O

Blogger chris said...
Meanwhile, I am confirming I WILL be in attendance for Dollar Beer Night at Arco next Wednesday!!!!! This'll promise to be failariously fun, as I document this desperate attempt to fill the barn against the backdrop of a pairing that normally would not suggest "nationally televised."

Blogger chris said...

AnacondaHL, how did you feel when 1. Steve Nash got statcursed at the charity stripe and 2. THE CREW ACKNOWLEDGED THAT HE HAD BEEN!??!

Ouch. Ouch. Ouch.

Blogger chris said...

AND, ANOTHER NOT SO GREAT MOMENT IN REBOUNDING HISTORY, both times with Pietrus as the deflector into the out-of-bounds zones! WOOPS!

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
Pulling this quote off another forum:

"The only supernatural thing I believe in is NBA announcer free throw curse"

Seriously, is this was having a heart attack feels like? My left hand is tingly.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...

Anonymous NarSARSsist said...
Man, 41 minutes and all Dwight Howard could do is attempt the equivalent of 9 shots? Guess Sun Tzu's beard really did work. Amar'''''''''e must have taking that right out of the Art of War. "He who has a beard will stun opponents with no post game."

But seriously, could the Magic have wanted it any less than they did at the beginning of the game? The sequence starting at 10:56 was pretty much indicative of their early effort. First Anthony Johnson misses a layup, then he lazily jogs back as Goran Dragic pushes upcourt. Dragic starts to go down to the baseline, slowly, but because Johnson was suffering from a case of Idontgiveadamn, Marcin Gortat was forced to rotate over. Instead of sealing off the paint and passing lane, Johnson slowly walks up towards Dragic, but basically stayed out of the play. Sun Tzu jogs in, gets the pass, and gets an easy dunk. Time out Magic. Pitiful.

Blogger Wild Yams said...
What the hell is wrong with Orlando? Last night against a Utah team which features little to no interior defense, the Magic decided that it would be smart to keep the ball away from Dwight Howard (11 field goal attempts) and instead bomb away from the outside (35 three point attempts). As a result they lose a game they led by 18 at one point.

So what did they learn from last night? Absolutely nothing. Tonight they came out and this time took 38 threes, meaning in two days they attempted an astounding 73 three point attempts! This is maybe acceptable if you've got a purely perimeter oriented roster like the Suns do, but not when you've got the league's most dominating offensive low post player!

Speaking of Dwight Howard, he finished with exactly one field goal attempt for the game. Just one. True, he did shoot 17 free throws, but as NarSARSsist points out, that's still only equivalent to getting up 9 shots for the game.

Totally awful play calling by the Magic tonight, and really just inexcusable that they could be so far off in their approach to these last two games. I mean, I'm about the opposite of being a basketball expert and even I knew they should force-feed it to Dwight. Hell, I even said so in this entry. The reason the Lakers drilled Phoenix so bad in the two games they played them this year is because they exploited their advantage inside. How are the Magic so oblivious as to not realize that Dwight Howard should have a field day against the likes of Amare, Frye and Lopez? Just pitiful preparation, IMO.

Now for some scheduling misery: my guess is the Suns will be checking into their Denver hotel any minute now, so they'll be weary and wiped out for tomorrow's game against the Nuggets. Meanwhile the Lakers will probably be checking into their Salt Lake City hotel at about the same time so they'll be equally worn out for tomorrow's game against the Jazz.

Oh yeah, Kobe fractured the index finger on his right hand (that's his shooting hand) tonight. Expect Kobe to keep playing (he kept playing tonight), but also expect his shooting percentage to take a nose dive in the next couple weeks/months.

Anonymous The_diesel said...
"I'm out of line to predict that Greg Oden might actually outplay him tonight."

That hurts man, that hurts. Getting outplayed by a guy who doesn´t even play? However maybe you're right.

"(By the way, think Memphis still is okay with taking Hasheem Thabeet in the draft instead of James Harden?)"

Yup they're just fine, the last thing they've needed is another guard to steal shots from the gay Mayo-Randolp triangle. And he isn't doing this, playing 10 mins a night.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

The Knicks still use the zombies from the Isiah-Thomas-Area to fill the MSG...

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
Well the Suns were in zone D pretty much the entire second half (that I watched), and were immediately double-teaming Howard, even when he passed out and got the ball back, leading to some weird mismatches on the rotations. Because of this, there were several times where Nash was the one stuck defending the 3 between 2-3 perimeter players after the multiple collapses on Howard. I mean these two teams are the top teams at jacking up the 3, but when Channing Frye and Nash are your double-team opponents, you should probably just force it.

word verification: fulate. I think this is something Tiger is familiar with.

Anonymous NarSARSsist said...
Yams - I don't know about the most dominating offensive low post player part. I've seen very few good moves out of Howard, and rarely anything that he can reuse consistently. He really needs a lot more help from teammates than the likes of Yao or Al Jefferson (last season pre-injury, dunno about this season) or Duncan. He is so much more effective when the Magic are penetrating and scrambling defenses. Honestly, if he develops just a couple of moves and learned anything resembling some touch on his close range shots, he would probably start averaging 30, 35 points a game. The dude is a freak athletically, now he just needs his offensive game to catch up.

Blogger Basketbawful said...
Nash makes me cum buckets. Literally. Buckets of cum.

You can sell that stuff for $50 a pop at some places. So I've heard.

By the way, ESPN got me some credentials to last night's Warriors-Bulls game. I got a peak inside the Warriors locker room (in time to see Corey "Pad Porn" Maggette show up and get ready long after the other Warriors had started their shootaround). All I can say is, Lamar Odom would have loved it. The Warriors had four boxes filled with candy, and a fifth box filled with 5-Hour energies.

I've often wondered how sports writers pull crazy stats out of their asses when they have to turn an article around in an hour or whatever. Well, the Bulls PR department (and I'm sure it's the same for every team in the league) literally provides a book-load of stat sheets, and they give you updated stat sheets (with trends and trivia!) after every quarter! It was as totally sweet as it was overwhelming.

By the way, watching the Bulls fail to score 100 points DESPITE HAVING AN OVERTIME SESSION against a team ranked 29th in Defensive Efficiency was truly bawful.

Blogger chris said...
Bawful: And yet, they won, while Nellieball's lack of emphasis on anything resembling hand-in-face play didn't pay off. Again.

Remember, this is the same Don Nelson who alienated C-Webb after his rookie year!!!!!

It's as if Nellie's ability to win titles was used up during his own playing career, and he cannot translate it into anything tangible as a bench boss.

Blogger Basketbawful said...
Well, Nellie is still out of commission, so Keith Smart is coaching the team. I actually got to kinda-sorta meet Smart, and he's a very cool guy. But the die is cast with this defeneseless Warriors team. They're not going to change on defense until Nellie is long gone.

Blogger chris said...
So TrueHoop does a story on Celtics lacktator JR Giddens......

according that piece, he's only played 54 total minutes in his entire career in the Association so far. Wow.

Anonymous Adrià said...
I don't know how to qualificate this, it's from player news:

"Update: Lopez shattered a glass door after his team lost a game of 3-on-3 in practice, the Arizona Republic reports.

Analysis: Here's the damage, and here's the sound of glass breaking by the mighty hand of a backup center. Lopez shouldn't receive any disciplinary action for this. He pushed the door open in anger and it slammed against the adjacent wall so hard that the glass shattered. We love seeing this kind of passion out of players. Hopefully he finds a way to carve out more playing time and starts dominating like his twin brother Brook is for the Nets."

Where amazing happens :D

Blogger Wild Yams said...
NarSARSsist - You're definitely right that Howard's offensive game is hugely unpolished, and as such does make him far less effective than he should be. That said, I would think he'd be able to carve up Amar'e, Frye and Lopez easily enough, even if he just ends up dunking it on them over and over. In any event, even if he fails miserably, he needs to get more than 9 shots. To get so few shots is just embarrassing for Orlando, IMO.

AnacondaHL - When a team uses a zone a lot (a notoriously weak defensive scheme, btw), one of the best ways to break it is to get the ball inside. Clearly Orlando instead chose to just shoot over it, but I daresay that even a great three point shooting team is gonna die by the three a lot when they take 38 three point attempts in a game. That's just not smart basketball.

Mr. Bawful - That's really cool that you got a press pass and got to sneak into the Warrior's locker room for a bit. Are you gonna start getting press passes more regularly?

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
Yams: Like I said. Typically, if a zone defense wants to double team the big man on the inside, they only do it once. After the big man passes out and gets the ball again, the offense can work the inside and out game to break the zone.

But the Suns were double-team rotating every time Howard got the ball, even after he passed out and got the ball again, leading to tons of confusion on the perimeter, and many wide open corner 3's. Considering how far behind the Magic were, I think they chose right, and hell almost got the win. The Suns arrogantly stuck with this even as Pietrus sank shot after shot.

But it's not like it didn't take Orlando 44 minutes to figure out the Nash-Amare pick and curl play, or to get a longer defender on Nash, so w/e.

Blogger Basketbawful said...
That's really cool that you got a press pass and got to sneak into the Warrior's locker room for a bit. Are you gonna start getting press passes more regularly?

That's the hope/plan. Although, to be honest, it doesn't seem to provide much more in the way of insight than just watching the game on TV and crunching the numbers myself. You get some free food and drinks, get to watch the game for free, etc. Which is awesome. But I'm not sure I learned anything beyond what it's like to wander around inside the organization/locker room/etc.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
From the play-by-play of the Suns-Nuggets game:

Steve Nash blocks Kenyon Martin's driving layup

Can anyone find video of this?

Blogger chris said...
Bawful: Too bad this isn't 15 years ago, where said pass could've given you a glimpse of a bookie's receipts at Chicago Stadium... ;)


Buck Nasty, if you're around, can you explain how the Clippers have FOUR days off until tomorrow's game? This could potentially cool down Steve Novak's antipathy to contributory ball!!!!!

Blogger jim said...
Officiating bawful for the Suns-Nuggets game? Only three fouls called on the Nuggs during the fourth quarter, for an 11-2 free throw disparity? Or, I suppose, I could just be a homer who is still bitter over the no-call on Nash's last drive.

Sun Tzu bawful: 7 turnovers, including 4 in the fourth quarter.

Steve Nash bawful, or possibly plus/minus stat bawful: -18 +/- despite an efficient night on the offensive end (11-17 fg, 28pts, 7ast, 2to). Where's the defense, Captain Fantastic?

Anonymous NarSARSsist said...
Agent Sub-Zero's icy coolness was on display again at the end of the game. With the Generals up by 1, Hibachi was ice cold on both free throws, giving the Pacers one final chance to win the game, and naturally, the Pacers did. Bonus bawfulry came in the last 0.5 seconds from Brendan Haywood. The Pacers inbounded the ball to Mike Dunleavy deep inside the paint, and when Dunleavy went up for the shot, Soulja Boy had him stuffed...until Haywood came from the side and tried to get a piece of the action too, getting Dunleavy's hand instead. Not all the blame goes to Agent Sub-Zero though. The Wizards made a shot to go up by 4 with 22 seconds left. When you lose a game outright like that, and your opponent didn't even make a 3? You must be the Generals.
More bonus bawfulry: ESPN Play-By-Play - BS Machine. At the 3:49 mark, Soulja Boy drains a jumper, and both ESPN and NBA awarded 1 point to both teams. corrects the score on their next play, but ESPN carried it all the way to the end of the game, reporting it as a 115-112 victory for the Wiz. This leads to what appeared to be an inexplicable sequence at the end of the game where Arenas missed game-tying free throws, and the Wiz for whatever reason did not foul while down by 1. Hilariously, I did not find this to be strange, which kinda tells you something about the Wiz.

Unfortunately, his name probably won't make it into the lacktion report, but holy crap, 7'0" Mikki Moore and 6'11" Chris Hunter of the Warriors combined for 0 rebounds in 24 total minutes. Who said big men suck these days?

Tyson Chandler will likely be getting coal this winter from Santa for letting Ericka Dampier go 7/7 for 14 points and also collect 18 rebounds (including more offensive rebounds than Chandler's total). In related news, Damp was 0/2 from the FT line, so the air in the American Airlines Center was 100% more successful at defending Dampier than Chandler was.

JR Smith was 0/8 from the field yesterday against the Suns, combining with the rest of the Nugget bench for 1/11. There's the consistency the Nuggets were looking for.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
LeBron just stole some fat kid's french fry. Looking for video of it later tonight.

Also, this should have been assumed, but fuck the officiating in the Suns game last night. Fuck you.

Anonymous Baal said...
I'm watching Cleveland Oklahoma right now and want to nominate Coach Brown: he takes a timeout with 11 Seconds left in the half to set up a play... and then he lets Lebron dribble out the clock and take a conteste jumper which is missed... couldn't he have done that without a timeout?

Anonymous RT said...
12th straight loss for the Failadelphia Sixers. You know what I think they need?

The Yes! Cartwheel.

Anonymous NarSARSsist said...
Ariza and Alston, two guys with Magic+Rockets backgrounds, both blanked from the field today, shooting 0/9 and 0/8. What the heck are those two teams teaching guys?

Blogger AnacondaHL said...

Blogger Andy said...
The deciding factor in the Wiz-Pacers game was the Pacers shooting 28-30 on free throws. They just could not miss.

Oh, and the Wizards picked up 3 T's in the first half, giving the pacers 3 free points, in a 1 point loss. Sigh.

Really, a pretty entertaining game (I was there). I think the final call was B.S., since regardless of what Haywood did Stevenson had him blocked (not to mention he didn't have enough time to make the shot).