Santa Larry green

On December 7, 1956, the Basketball Gods gave us their only son, Larry Joe Bird, the Basketball Jesus, to save the National Basketball Association from drug use, selfishess and boring NBA Finals that were shown on tape delay. And save the Association he did, even though he had to sacrifice his heart, his back, and his ghastly facial hair to do it.

And so every year on December 7th, we at Basketbawful celebrate the greatest of all holidays: Birdmas (originally "Bird Mass"). In recognition of this most holy day, Basketbawful is featuring this little-seen late night TV commercial that appears every now and again after info-mercials for spray-on hair, miracle dewrinkling cream, and the George Foreman Grill. Enjoy, and have a very merry Birdmas!


Birdmas Bonus! Hark the herald Celtics sing! We sure hope you remembered that the celebration of Birdmas actually begins the night before, on Birdmas Eve, when Santa Larry travels across the world on a magic parquet floor pulled by 80's Celtic roleplayers -- On Carr and Robey and Henderson and Buckner! On Kite and Wedman and Sichting and Vincent! -- delivering jump shots and no-look passes to all the good little boys and girls who believe that he was the greatest player to rock a pair of Chardon jeans.

Just remember, dear readers, making everyone's basketball dreams come true in a single night is hard work, so leave a little something next to the fire place for Santa Larry and his reign dears. But not milk and cookies and carrots. Leave a sack of greasy hamburgers for Larry...and don't worry about the reign dears. They're used to feeding off his table scraps.

It's also important to observe certain hallowed Birdmas traditions, such as wearing green and white, reading selected passages from The Holy Bird Bible, and watching Larry Bird: A Basketball Legend at least four or five times. You can also spend a little time in quiet contemplation of how much you hate the Lakers, even destroying something yellow. (This can be almost anything, from something as simple as a taxi cab or, for more hard core Birdmas celebrations, a Kobe Bryant.)

And because this epic is sure to bring a tear to the eye of even the most time-hardened cynic, we present, once again, The Night Before Birdmas!

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17 Comments:
Blogger Dan B. said...
What a wonderful way to celebrate the greatest holiday of all! It's a little late to order my CD for this year -- is rush delivery available?'

Seriously, amazing video. Well done.

Blogger DocZeus said...
Boooooooooooooooooooooooo!

Blogger Clifton said...
That was, quite possibly, some of the worst singing I've ever heard. And I've listened to Bjork.

Blogger Wild Yams said...
Is it disrespecting the holiday that Allen Iverson has chosen Birdmas as the day to make his return from "retirement", or is he instead making his own personal tribute to another American tragedy by choosing the anniversary of Pearl Harbor on which to begin playing again? December 7th, 2009: a date which will live in infamy...

Blogger Will said...
Basketbawful- Do you have a memorial ceremony for the dearly departed Larry Bird Shorts on Birdmas?

Anonymous stormin Lormin said...
Larry Hughes (of all people) celebrated Birdmas in advance with a Dantley in Sundays game! 5-12 fg 14-17 ft
Are we having fun, nyets?

Blogger chris said...
Will: Seconded!

Blogger Will said...
Wouldn't you get the "Clothesline on national TV" for McHale-oween?

Anonymous Anonymous said...
McHaleoween. Nice.

Blogger chris said...
Will: Don't forget the Assistant Celtics GM Simulator, where you get to assist your old team from the confines of the birthplace of the Lakers!!!!!!

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
YouTubes aren't up yet of Mark Cuban on Monday Night RAW, but MNF postgame just showed a clip of him getting crushed into a table. Want.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
Matt McHale. I'm going to assume this hasn't been shared on ByTheHorns, since there's no way this should have ever slipped past BasketBawful. You need to set aside 2 minutes of your day to witness this.

Chicago Bulls - Totally 80s

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
Incomplete crappy vid of Mark Cuban on RAW, will search tomorrow (Is that Marion and Tim Thomas?).

Blogger chris said...
Anyone notice the awesome 'stache on one of the Lakers in the "Night Before Birdmas" video around 0:35? Can someone identify the purveyor of facial hair fashion?!

Anonymous tabman said...
Here's a clip of Cuban on WWE from their website:

http://www.wwe.com/content/media/video/vms/raw/2009/december8-14/12885766

It's pretty hilarious. Especially when the Mavs players come out in the end and you can tell they're trying so hard not to crack up.

Also, not included in the clip, but apparently Cuban said to one of the wrestlers, "The only reason you won last week is because WWE referees are even worse than NBA referees." He'll probably get fined, but money well spent.

Blogger Basketbawful said...
AnacondaHL -- Dear Lord. How DID I miss that?! I must be slippin'. I'm gettin' too old for this shit, apparently...

Anonymous Story said...
How do people observe "Parish Hashanah"?

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