On December 7, 1956, the Basketball Gods gave us their only son, Larry Joe Bird, the Basketball Jesus, to save the National Basketball Association from drug use, selfishess and boring NBA Finals that were shown on tape delay. And save the Association he did, even though he had to sacrifice his heart, his back, and his ghastly facial hair to do it.
And so every year on December 7th, we at Basketbawful celebrate the greatest of all holidays: Birdmas (originally "Bird Mass"). In recognition of this most holy day, Basketbawful is featuring this little-seen late night TV commercial that appears every now and again after info-mercials for spray-on hair, miracle dewrinkling cream, and the George Foreman Grill. Enjoy, and have a very merry Birdmas!
Birdmas Bonus! Hark the herald Celtics sing! We sure hope you remembered that the celebration of Birdmas actually begins the night before, on Birdmas Eve, when Santa Larry travels across the world on a magic parquet floor pulled by 80's Celtic roleplayers -- On Carr and Robey and Henderson and Buckner! On Kite and Wedman and Sichting and Vincent! -- delivering jump shots and no-look passes to all the good little boys and girls who believe that he was the greatest player to rock a pair of Chardon jeans.
Just remember, dear readers, making everyone's basketball dreams come true in a single night is hard work, so leave a little something next to the fire place for Santa Larry and his reign dears. But not milk and cookies and carrots. Leave a sack of greasy hamburgers for Larry...and don't worry about the reign dears. They're used to feeding off his table scraps.
It's also important to observe certain hallowed Birdmas traditions, such as wearing green and white, reading selected passages from The Holy Bird Bible, and watching Larry Bird: A Basketball Legend at least four or five times. You can also spend a little time in quiet contemplation of how much you hate the Lakers, even destroying something yellow. (This can be almost anything, from something as simple as a taxi cab or, for more hard core Birdmas celebrations, a Kobe Bryant.)
And because this epic is sure to bring a tear to the eye of even the most time-hardened cynic, we present, once again, The Night Before Birdmas!