Didn't watch the NBA Draft? Don't worry, Statbuster is here to give you the sardonic summary of what you have to look forward to this upcoming October..or whenever the lockout is over.

Kyrie Irving: The Timberwolves Award Of Point Guard Hoarding goes to the Cavs, who will potentially have $23M of cap space tied up between Erving, Baron Davis, and Ramon Sessions. On the bright side, one thing to note is that Irving was a rare member of the 50/40/90 club at Duke. Albeit he only played 11 games in college, the fact that he didn't take his freshman lumps is quite an accomplishment. Scouts are quick to point out that Erving isn't as explosive as a Derrick Rose or a John Wall, but if he continues to shoot anywhere near that rate, it won't matter. Cavaliers expect: Deron Williams. Statbuster expects: A low-budget Chris Paul.

Fun Fact: Cleveland aquired the #1 pick, pre-lottery, from the Clippers in the Baron Davis trade. Which means, the Clips turned the pick and Baron Davis into Mo Williams and Jamario Moon. And that's what makes the Clippers "The Clippers" my friend.

Derrick Williams: The Wolves focus shifts from point guards to stockpiling power forwards that live on the perimeter. It's worth noting that Williams shot a NBA Jam-like 56.8% on 3s as a sophomore. He's a shade undersized for a PF and doesn't block shots. But, if the trio of Kevin Love, Michael Beasley and Williams can find a way to play passable defense..no, never mind. Wolves expect: Antawn Jamison. Statbuster expects: Plenty of 100-point nights for teams visiting the Target Center.

Enes Kanter: A 6'11" center that has an advanced perimeter game, complete with 3-point range and the ability to put the ball on the floor. He's a bit unproven; he was ruled ineligible to play at Kentucky and basically sat at home the entire season. But scouts stopped short of calling him a project, which is good news for everyone. Kanter also noted that he wants to become a professional wrestler once his NBA days are over. A retired basketball player pretending to beat up people? Sorry, that's been done already. Jazz expects: Mehmet Okur 2.0. Statbuster expects: Vlade Divac.

Tristan Thompson: Cleveland lands an unselfish defender-type PF with Thompson. He's a bit undersized and lacks strength, but he'll partially make up for it with his wingspan (7'1") and shot blocking (2.4 per). Plus he's Canadian, so he'll politely call hecklers "sir" when he misses his free throws (48%). Cavaliers expect: Another Anderson Varejao. Statbuster expects: Tyrus Thomas.

Jonas Valanciunas: A Lithuanian center that Toronto may stash away in Europe for another year. Decent inside game and plays physical, but he will be eaten alive unless he puts on some muscle. Hopefully he'll also spend the next year working on his interview skills. Raptors expect: Poor man's Chris Bosh. Statbuster expects: Zan Tabak.

Jan Vesely: Vesely breaks the mold from most Euros in that he has NBA-level athleticism and thrives in an open-court game. But of course, the ESPN guys were too busy marveling at Vesely's re-enactment of V-Day than anything basketball-related. Wizards expect: Andrei Kirilenko. Statbuster expects: Maurice Evans to be mercifully extracted from the Wizard's rotation.

Bismack Biyombo: The scouts has been comparing Biyombo to Ben Wallace, which is a insult to Ben Wallace. Biyombo will play hard, but even against lesser competiton he fouls and turns the ball over at an incredible rate. In the ACB he averaged nearly as many fouls (2/gm) as field goals (2.3/gm) and had a blistering 25% turnover ratio. So maybe, someday, he will be as proficient as scorer as Ben Wallace. Until then, Charlotte will be going 4-on-5 on offense. Or maybe 4-on-6. Bobcats expect: Ben Wallace. Statbuster expects: A shorter DeSagana Diop.

Brandon Knight: Knight is a combo guard that can both shoot and defend, and that alone should be enough to keep him in the league for the next 10 years. Knight could find a way into the rotation right away, especially if Rodney Stuckey is moved this summer, which is entirely possible. Pistons expect: Chauncey Billups. Statbuster expects: Jason Terry.

Kemba Walker: A lightning quick shoot-first PG that will fit nicely in that spot on the bench behind D.J. Augustin. A lack of NBA 3-point range (33% as a senior) and playmaking skills (1.84 pure point rating) will relegate him to backup status early on. Bobcats expect: Rod Strickland. Statbuster expects: Antonio Daniels.

Jimmer Fredette: How can a player lead the nation in scoring, but still be so unproven? At 6'2" he likely won't be able to play more than spot minutes at the 2. So the majority of his minutes will come at PG, where he has been consistently underwhelming as a distributor (3.7 Asts/gm). So he will have to score by the boatload to justify playing time. But he played in the marshmallowy Mountain West Conference, so his scoring was padded by beating up on schools like Texas Christian and Wyoming. Too many questions to draft comfortably. Kings expect: Mark Price. Statbuster expects: Tony Delk.

The Steal Of The Draft: Jordan Hamilton, who was projected by some scouts to go as high as #14, nearly slipped into the 2nd round and landed with Dallas at #26. Minutes will be hard to come by as he'll be behind Shawn Marion, as well as Peja Stojakovic and Caron Butler until their annual mid-season injuries. (Edit: Hamilton was dealt to Denver shortly afterwards. Talented player, but the Nugs are already stockpiled at the 3 with Wilson Chandler and Gallinari. He will compete with Gary Forbes what few minutes are left as a backup 3. That should be awesome.)

How did the mock drafts do?: As in previous years, there's a lot of focus on scouts trying to forecast the draft results. And, as in previous years, the forecasts are about as reliable as asking your dog.

Labels: NBA Draft

Hey Basketbawful readers. I'm not normally a draft guy, depite having watched both the lottery and drafts annually for many years now. However, due to the projections of this year's draft lottery (and probably the entire thing) being the most historically bad since that 2000 draft poo poo platter, and the rumors swirling that the Suns could be entering Jimmer Time Era, I decided to dabble in some extra research.

And thusly I present the Bawsketbawful Informational Post and Discussion Arena for the 2011 NBA Draft (presented by Kia), followed by my bawful predictions of the lottery assuming all GMs are too ball-less to actually pull off a useful trade. Since you can read any number of mock drafts on the Internet, I've decided to try and include one YouTube video of note on each player (and as such, I will be stealing occasionally from Mike Schmitz at Valley of the Suns). Finally, since the Internet Never Forgets, and declaring the whole ceiling/floor thing is such a crapshoot, I present my Sigma+ and Sigma- player comparisons. Meaning, my one standard deviation prediction for each player in the NBA. Brilliant cop-out, I know, right?


What:
2011 NBA Draft (PRESENTED BY KIA (seriously, buy an Optima (you know you want it)))


When and Where:
7pm EST, ESPN and ESPN3, Newark, N.J., not NBATV.


Green Room:
Chad Ford announced the 15 "green room" invitees, which includes a pity invite to tag-along twin Markief Morris.


Biased Draft Lottery Predictions:

1 Cleveland Cavaliers (from Los Angeles Clippers)
will select
Derrick Williams, SF/PF
20 years old; 6-9, 250
Arizona, sophomore
Why: To put it simply, for the lulz. Not only does this set them up with more flexibility in the 4th pick, but it puts Minnesota on the spot for hilarity. Also, he atleast doesn't have the injury question like Irving does. While Cleveland could use and upgrade at everything, I hold the minority opinion that they actually should take Williams here, and that their consideration wasn't just rumors to dick around with Minnesota's trade partners. Of course this pick has a trickle-down effect on my entire lottery section, so I'm betting big on this.
YouTube highlight: Derrick Williams on Sport Science, apparently trying really hard to show his intent to play SF
Sigma+: David West with a 3 ball
Sigma-: Michael Beasley

2 Minnesota Timberwolves
will select
Kyrie Irving, PG
19 years old; 6-3, 190
Duke, freshman
Why: Because Dan Gilbert needs to be an asshole. And hey, has anyone ever made a joke about Minnesota drafting PGs? On the downside, it may be difficult to play baritone in the cold northern weather.
YouTube highlight: Any assortment of Dukies putting together highlight videos from his 8 freaking college games.
Sigma+: Chris Paul
Sigma-: Shawn Livingston (complete with freak injury to ruin his career)

3 Utah Jazz (from New Jersey Nets)
will select
Brandon Knight, PG/SG
19 years old; 6-3, 180
Kentucky, freshman
Why: Because even Utah's not dumb enough to take Jimmer this high. And I don't think Enes Kanter is white enough.
YouTube highlight: Brandon Knight seemingly leading the forces of Rohan against Mordor
Sigma+: Gilbert Arenas
Sigma-: Ramon Sessions

4 Cleveland Cavaliers
will select
Kemba Walker, PG
21 years old; 6-3, 185
Connecticut, junior
Why: Because as great as former All-Stars Baron Davis and Mo Williams are, I think Cleveland has to walk away from this draft with a PG upgrade. Also, compared to New York, he will absolutely hate Cleveland.
YouTube highlight: Eh, Brooklyn, Bronx, same stuff whatever.
Sigma+: John Wall (including kinda looking like him)
Sigma-: Ben Gordon (post-Detroit signing)

5 Toronto Raptors
will select
Enes Kanter, C
19 years old; 6-11, 260
Kentucky (but not actually); Turkey
Why: If you're not rooting for the Bargs/Kanter match made in heaven, you're not a Basketbawful fan.
YouTube highlight: Nike Hoop Summit highlights from goddamn 14 months ago, his last actual game.
Sigma+: Joakim Noah
Sigma-: Greg Ostertag

6 Washington Wizards
will select
Jan Vesely, SF
21 years old; 6-11, 240
KK Partizan Belgrade (Serbia); Czech Republic
Why: Because that's just what the Wizards need: another high athleticism big man who has questionable basketball IQ and can't actually make shots other than dunks.
YouTube highlight: Who else can pull of a mixtape that opens with the Power Rangers song?
Sigma+: Czech Shawn Marion
Sigma-: Shannon Brown (actually, including questionable pull-up 3's, this is more like a Sigma neutral prediction)

7 Sacramento Kings
will select
Kawhi Leonard, SF
19 years old; 6-7, 225
San Diego State, Sophomore
Why: Supposedly it's down to Kemba or Kawhi here, unless they pull the shocker and draft Jimmer to play alongside Tyreke Evans and DeMarcus Cousins. I find this the more hilarious situation than Utah drafting him, but alas, he will make a fine backup to Omri Casspi.
YouTube highlight: I'll let his words speak for himself from this DraftExpress interview. Side note: this might be the most saturated lottery of players ever who have no idea what position they can play.
Sigma+: Gerald Wallace
Sigma-: Antoine Wright

8 Detroit Pistons
will select
Jonas Valanciunas, C
19 years old; 6-11, 240
Lietuvos Rytas (Lithuania)
Why: Looks like he can't get bought out, so he'll be able to play next year at best. Still wondering why this is the crappiest draft in years? Of course there's a high chance Toronto will be drafting him for another dream combo with Bargs.
YouTube highlight: "All i see is a lot of wide open dunks and dunks over guys a foot shorter than him". Good work, random YouTube commenter.
Sigma+: Angry Darko
Sigma-: Skinny Darko (seriously though, HoopsHype has his comparison as Nenad Kristic. Yea.)

9 Charlotte Bobcats
will select
Klay Thompson SG/SF
21 years old; 6-7, 205
Washington State, junior
Why:So we're definitely deep in crap-shoot territory now. Something tells me MJ's UNC roots will inexplicably not allow himself to draft a Jayhawk, so
YouTube highlight: Schmitz at VotS provides the overview. He seems well spoken enough.
Sigma+: Rashard Lewis (pre-albatross contract)
Sigma-: Larry Hughes

10 Milwaukee Bucks
will select
Marcus Morris PF(75%)/SF(25%)
21 years old; 6-9, 230
Kansas, Junior
Why: Uh, have you seen the contracts the Bucks are now lugging around? If you had to start somewhere, I'd start with replacing Drew Gooden with "a bit of a tweener", whatever the hell that's supposed to mean.
YouTube highlight: Schmitz again at VotS. I really like the song used, therefore, I hope he does well in the NBA.
Sigma+: Rudy Gay
Sigma-: Josh Childress

11 Golden State Warriors
will select
Bismack Biyombo, PF/C
18 years old; 6-9, 240
Baloncesto Fuenlabrada (Spain); Congo
Why:As much as I wanted to put Klay Thompson here, wondering if Golden State games will be played with 2 balls, I couldn't resist the Warriors Center Dice Roll 2.0. Besides, with Monta, Curry, Dorrell, and David, who needs a center that can score?
YouTube highlight: Schmitz did and excellent job mixing this together, including now infamous clips of his Europe workout session in the "weaknesses" section at the end.
Sigma+: Dikembe Mutumbo
Sigma-: Ekpe Udoh


12 Utah Jazz
will select
Jimmer Fredette, PG/SG/32-ft-shot-specialist
22 years old; 6-2, 195
BYU, Senior
Why: Come on. I mean, seriously, come on.
YouTube highlight: No mormon sex tape could be found, however Schmitz again with additional info on the Suns's interest.
Sigma+: J.J. Redick (or other combo guard with no defense)
Sigma-: Gordon Hayward (minus StarCraft II livestreams)

13 Phoenix Suns
will select
Tristan Thompson, PF
20 years old; 6-9, 230
Texas, freshman
Why: If the Suns honestly draft one more SF...
YouTube highlight: As Schmitz puts it, "the Suns' dream scenaro".
Sigma+: Josh Smith
Sigma-: Hakim Warrick

14 Houston Rockets
will select
Chris Singleton, SF/PF
21 years old; 6-9, 230
Florida State, Junior
Why: Who the heck knows at this point. While I personally think they should get Marshon Brooks or Jordan Hamilton to backup/replace Kevin Martin's inevitable injury, the Rockets seem weakest at SF, and I don't think there's even an upside C anywhere close at this spot.
YouTube highlight: Unintentionally hilarious interview with the Golden State Warriors, but I'm pretty sure he does not have enough Grown Man Moves to satisfy their new head coach.
Sigma+: 38 year old Grant Hill
Sigma-: Luc Richard Mbah a Moute


- AnacondaHL

Labels: AnacondaHL, Jimmer Fredette, NBA Draft

This year's Draft is in the books, and another round of young athletes have been enlisted for duty in the NBA.

Labels: NBA Draft

You knew this picture was coming
Are you ready to watch teams either get their hopes and dreams jacked up unrealistically high? Want to see which teams get the first stab at blowing a first round lottery pick? We're one step closer. The NBA Draft Lottery is tomorrow night on ESPN! It's just about the only thing the Nyets fans have keeping them alive at this point.

Speaking of crappy teams, here's a little news on the Purple Paupers: Sacramento has replaced sideline reporter Kayte Christensen with Jim Gray. (It's okay, Chris! Put away the razor blade! We can work through this!) I particularly liked this one comment on the article: "How the mighty have fallen. He was interviewing Mike Tyson after fighting Lennox Lewis, now he’s working 20 home games for the Kings. Tough times for Jim Gray."

Quick basebawful aside. Keith Hernandez' mustache wants to talk smack about your fantasy team. (h/t Jonah Keri)

Oh, and by the way: this. High comedy.

Worst of the Weekend in Pictures:

"Hey! There goes my fashion sense! Someone go catch it! It's over there!"

"Your winner, by unanimous decision... Kevin Garnett!"
(This is ten times funnier when you read it in your best Michael Buffer voice)

Dude In Black Jersey always wondered why Dude InYellow Jersey's nickname was Handy J. Now it all makes sense!
(Submitted by Basketbawful reader Donnie Hutchens)
All The Games:
Suns at Lakers - TNT, 9:00pm
Series tied 0-0

Kobe's had to get his knee drained, and the Cycloptic Canadian Assassin continues to heal. It's a battle of attrition! You know what that means! Yes, I can almost hear Bynum's knee exploding from here.

Labels: Bawful After Dark, Keith Hernandez, Los Angeles Lakers, NBA Draft, Phoenix Suns

While the Shaq and Vince trades had us wondering exactly what lengths teams will go just to save a buck, a new round of youngsters were selected to have their hopes for NBA stardom crushed in the next three to five years. Let's take a look...

Blake Griffin: There's no question that Blake Griffin is a great athlete and a big-time scorer in college. The big question would be is he capable of rising above the faces of failure, i.e. the Clippers frontcourt. Which actually isn't a sure thing. Kaman has size, Camby is a better defensive presence, and Zach Randolph is (gasp!) a more polished scorer. Also, with Oklahoma, playing D was optional for Griffin. How will he fare on that end in the pros? Can he one-up Zach's "non-existent" D with a "not a liability" of his own? If so, he's primed to be the Clip's most successful draft pick since, um... The Clippers Expect: A savior. Statbuster Expects: Carlos Boozer 2.0.

Hasheem Thabeet: If the NBA season is a war, Thabeet is a player you want by your side in a foxhole. Unless the only way out of said foxhole is making a 15-foot jumper. It's easy to forgive his non-existent offensive skills due to the fact he's 7'3", 265 lbs, and averaged over 4 blocks a night for UConn. And, as a bonus, Darko Milicic becomes immediately expendable. And by "immediately" I mean they traded him an hour later. The Grizzlies Expect: Dikembe Mutombo. Statbuster Expects: Tree Rollins.

James Harden: Late last season, Thabo Sefolosha was the Thunder's only best defender. Although OKC needs scoring and James Harden is unquestionably the more talented of the two, if Harden can't defend in the pros, he'll create as many problems as he solves. That's OK though...they'll have another shot at this whole lottery thing next year. The Thunder Expect: Brandon Roy. Statbuster Expects: A poor-man's Jeff Hornacek.

Tyreke Evans: I was really hoping we wouldn't see a boner tonight, especially this early. The King's already have a 20 ppg scorer at SG in Kevin Martin, and needed help at the point, AND Ricky Rubio was still available. Evans actually is a solid ball handler and passer, and could run the point in spot minutes. But a 220 lb guy with an assist/turnover ratio under 2 isn't someone you want defending opposing PGs or running the show for 40 minutes a night. Somewhere, Beno Udrih is giggling maniacally while de-listing his house on Realtor.com. The Kings Expect: To piss off a lot of fans. Statbuster Expects: Larry Hughes.

Ricky Rubio: Rubio brings a court vision that can't be taught. It's everything else that's suspect. With no fewer than 3 PGs on the books for next year, expect 15 minutes a night, a sub-.400 FG% and no fewer than 50 brilliant no-look passes to go ricocheting off the likes of Ryan Gomes and Brian Cardinal. The Wolves Expect: A poor-man's Pete Maravich. Statbuster Expects: Kenny Anderson.

Jonny Flynn: Apparently the Wolves hired the guy from Memento as their GM, as five minutes later, they draft a 2nd PG with their 6th pick. Flynn is more mature than Rubio, and less terrible than Sebastian Telfair, and should get the nod in the short term. However, neither Flynn or Rubio (or Telfair for that matter) are great shooters, so the Wolves' PGBC (point guard by committee) experiment will resemble some sort of masonry convention. The Wolves Expect: Mookie Blaylock. Statbuster Expects: 50 losses.

Stephen Curry: In drafting Curry and dealing Jamal Crawford, the Warriors' opening night backcourt will be comprised of a 6'3" shooting guard (Monta Ellis) and a point guard that doesn't pass (Curry). Which wouldn't work on any other team, but remember, this is Golden State. The laws of basketball fundamentals don't apply to them. The Warriors' Expect: Mike Bibby. Statbuster Expects: Mahmoud Abdul-Rauf (minus the Tourette's and the national anthem protest).

Jordan Hill: The fact that the Knicks drafted a PF sums up what the team thinks of Al Harrington and Eddy Curry (and the fact that David Lee will bolt via free agency). Hill will hopefully win over NY fans with hard work and defense, but, when Chris Duhon and Larry Hughes are logging 40 minutes a night, you'll wonder if another PF was the real need. The Knicks Expect: Chris Bosh. Statbuster Expects: Antonio Davis.

DeMar DeRozan: The word "project" popped up when the Raptors drafted DeRozan. Which means a player is big and/or athletic enough to use a lottery pick on despite the fact they have no discernible skills outside of being big and/or athletic. It's hard to ignore the fact that DeRozan basically had no stats (51 assists, 31 steals, six 3's in 1168 minutes) while there were still players on the board that could contribute immediately. The Raptors Expect: Another Vince Carter. Statbuster Expects: Harold Miner went to USC. I'm just sayin'.

Brandon Jennings: Jennings skipped college to enjoy one fairly horrendous year in Europe (38% FG, 6 PPG), but that wasn't enough to scare off Milwaukee from bringing him on as a project (Also see: DeRozan, DeMar). Jennings does have blinding quickness in his favor, but to run the point in the NBA he might need to shoot better and improve on a near 1:1 assist-turnover ratio. The Bucks Expect: Tony Parker, of course. Statbuster Expects: Keyon Dooling.

Terrence Williams: Williams is rare in that he does everything well except score. He was 1st among SGs in rebounds (8.6), 3rd in steals (2.3), 5th in assists (5.0), and 6th in blocks (0.8). Unfortunately, his jumper is somewhere in between streaky and non-existent (43% FG, 58% FT), although he did muster a 38% on 3s his senior year. Although, after watching Vince Carter the last few seasons, I doubt the fans will notice. The Nets Expect: Andre Iguodala. Statbuster Expects: Darrell Walker.

Gerald Henderson: The Bobcats are hoping Henderson will replace Raja Bell as their SG of the future, although I'm not convinced his offensive game will translate to the pros. While he has a great first step, he's a shade undersized (6'5"), and is only an OK ball handler. That along with meh 3-point range (34%) could work together to neuter his offensive game. While at Duke, he showed some solid defensive skills. So, in a worst-case scenario, he'll be a defensive role player, just like that Raja Bell guy he's replacing. That should be awesome. The Bobcats Expect: Latrell Sprewell. Statbuster Expects: Fred Jones.

Tyler Hansbrough: The Pacers came into the draft needing shot-blocking and a point guard to replace Jarrett Jack and/or T.J. Ford, and got neither. But Hansbrough should be a better defender than Troy Murphy, and is already better offensively than Jeff Foster. If Indiana signs one more white guy, they'll have to hire Gene Hackman and Dennis Hopper to coach them to an improbable championship run via a series of inspirational montages. The Pacers Expect: Dave Cowens. Statbuster Expects: J.R. Reid.

The Steal of the Draft: DeJuan Blair, who was pegged to be a lottery pick in most mock drafts, fell to the Spurs at 37th. Some people pointed fingers at ACL injuries he had in high school. I'm pointing the finger at Mike Sweetney and Sean May. By whipping themselves into shape for the Draft, then immediately eating their way into irrelevance, they may have ruined the NBA for fat post players everywhere. Although that's probably what Blair will do too.

Labels: NBA Draft

Derrick Rose: This is a story of a non-pick. Everyone knows the Bulls don't need another guard and have plenty of need for an inside scorer. But the fact that Michael Beasley is the same height as Marcus Fizer and is a bit too flaky to fit Paxson's humble, hard-working, overachiever mold was enough to scare them off. The inevitable trade in the next months will determine how successful this pick was, but Rose will follow the long tradition of successful Chicago natives to play for the Bulls (see: Dave Corzine, Craig Hodges, Eddy Curry, AJ Guyton, Randy Brown). Bulls expect: Jason Kidd. Statbuster expects: A poor man's Gary Payton.

Michael Beasley: In one respect the Bulls had a legit beef with Beasley; he has the makings of a defensive liability in the pros. On top of being a shade too short for the 4, he's an average shot blocker for someone as athletic as he is. But that won't matter in Miami. Remember, Mark Blount starts for them. The Heat expect: Shawn Kemp. Statbuster expects: Antawn Jamison.

OJ Mayo: I'm beginning to wonder why the Wolves are stockpiling guards (they drafted Randy Foye, Rashad McCants and Corey Brewer the last three years). Are they preparing for a shooting guard famine of some sort? By mid-season, when Minnesota has 30 losses and OJ is backing up Marko Jaric, he will no longer deserve a cool nickname. OJ will be known here as Ovinton the Turnover-Prone Jump Shooter. (Edit: OJ drove his white Ford Bronco to Memphis for Kevin Love, but the Wolves also took on Brian Cardinal and Jason Collins. Apparently the Wolves are hoarding slow-moving stiffs with horrible contracts as well.) The Wolves Expect: Mitch Richmond. Statbuster expects: Harold Miner went to USC. I'm just sayin'.

Russell Westbrook: The fourth pick overall is too high for a 6'3" player with 12 ppg and shaky PG skills, regardless of whatever is in your shoes. If he proves to be a passable defender at SG, Kevin Durant will be able to move back to his natural position at SF, and Jeff Green can move back to his natural position at the end of the bench. The team formerly known as the Sonics expect: Monta Ellis. Statbuster expects: Juan Dixon.

Kevin Love: Kevin Love one-ups most other big men in the draft with his ability to pass and step out and hit the 3. And he is the master of the 94-foot chest pass. Love looks to be an All-Rookie First-Teamer if he can keep his chronic fatness under control. Which is no small task when you have a place like Corky's Ribs right down the street. (Edit: Kevin Love went to Minnesota for OJ Mayo and Antoine Walker. Expect them both to start next season. That should be awesome.) The Grizzlies Expect: Derrick Coleman. Statbuster expects: In true Grizzlies fashion, the rest of their roster will be culled to reduce payroll.

Danilo Gallinari: Judging by the way he was booed on draft night, Gallinari may be the most hated Italian since Benito Mussolini or Chef Boyardee. Or maybe the Isiah Era has taught Knicks fans to instinctively boo anything the team does. If he can find a way to shoot over 35%, he's a lock to steal Quentin Richardson's PT. The Knicks expect: Hedo Turkoglu. Statbuster expects: to get a lot of mileage out of that Big Cock nickname.

Eric Gordon: Eric Gordon worries me. First of all, he looks too much like Emmanuel Lewis. Plus he went to a Big Ten school, which also has implications. Not to mention he is an undersized SG that isn't much of a ball hander and only shot 43% from the field and had a 0.7 assist/turnover ratio. Some people point to the wrist injury he had late in the season, but that is just too much suckage to ignore. The Clippers expect: Hersey Hawkins. Statbuster expects: Fred Jones.

DJ Augustin: The Bobcats drafting another PG probably indicates the Raymond Felton experiment is coming to a close. DJ is a better shooter than Felton, but he suffers from short man's disease at 5'11". The list of PGs under 6'0" that made an impact in the pros is not as long as you think (Calvin Murphy, Terrell Brandon, Michael Adams, and, um..). They'll wish they took Brook Lopez when Nazr Mohammed is still clocking 30 minutes a night. The Bobcats expect: A low-budget Steve Nash. Statbuster expects: Travis Best.

Also worth mentioning...

Portland Tradeblazers 2K8: Turned the 13th into a top lottery pick (by trading Brandon Rush for Jerryd Bayless, who was projected top-five) and the 24th pick into a lottery pick (by trading for Darrell Arthur, a projected lottery guy, who they then traded to Houston) and then escaped the 2nd round with 4 future picks! Not to mention they unloaded Jarrett Jack in the process. Portland is overflowing with loot they've pillaged from inept GMs over the years. Kevin Pritchard is a genius, and I kind of hate him.

Darrell Arthur: The Kansas guys (the other being Mario Chalmers, who went in the 2nd round to Miami) will be the steals of the draft. Darrell Arthur eventually ended up in Houston, but he was in the green room for an painful length of time when a kidney ailment almost caused him to slip from the lottery to the second round. Teams were selecting Big Ten centers and 18 year old foreigners with no intent to play in the NBA while Arthur wept softly and filled out his NBDL application.

Brook and Robin Lopez: Twin 7-footers from Stanford sounds suspiciously familiar. Brook is a little better than that, but my bet is that Robin (the one with the Joakim Noah hair) will become Jarron.

Joe Alexander: Joe speaks fluent Chinese, so apparently he was drafted to help lift Yi Jianlian out of his hopeless depression. That is, until Yi was dealt to NJ for Richard Jefferson. Which means Joe will take Yi's spot on the team as the token Asian guy. Until people realize that Joe isn't Asian, which may take until mid-January. It is Milwaukee, after all.

Labels: NBA Draft

The NBA Draft has concluded, and the Speculation-palooza was once again swept aside by transactions that would make even Rick Pitino cringe. Let's take a look...

Greg Oden: Oden will be a rebounding and shot-swatting machine, but folks expecting Olajuwon 2.0 should be realistic. Oden will get about 5 dunks a night, but his post game is as green as grass. But Blazer fans haven't been this excited since Darius Miles missed the entire '06-'07 season. Blazers expect: Patrick Ewing, mixed with Tim Duncan and David Robinson, and a splash of Bill Russell. Statbuster expects: A taller Dwight Howard.

Kevin Durant: With Ray Allen out of the picture, Durant will be the first option on offense right away. And that's a good thing. He's that rare player that has size and can score from anywhere on the floor. Right now he's a bit of a tweener on the defensive end, but Seattle as a whole is so lousy on D, no one will notice. Sorry Rashard, your team got better without you. Sonics expect: Rookie of the Year. Statbuster expects: If he punches a fellow Sonic, the Tom Chambers comparison will be complete.

Al Horford: My guess is that either the Hawks plan to use Al Horford as an undersized center, or they have already given up on their last two lottery picks, Marvin and Shelden Williams (ages 21 and 23, both PFs). Either way, when Anthony Johnson is logging 30 minutes a night in January, they'll be wondering if supplanting the Williams kids and Zaza Pachulia was the real need. Hawks expect: Horace Grant. Statbuster expects: Another decent frontcourt player, just like the five they already have. Oh, and 50 losses.

Mike Conley: Unlike the Hawks, the Grizzlies were in desperate need of a PG (sorry, Chucky Atkins fans) and drafted the best one available. Conley should get starter's minutes right away, and keeping Pau Gasol captive last season will end up being a good idea. A core of Pau, Conley, Rudy Gay and Mike Miller stands a chance of being somewhat respectable. Grizzlies expect: TJ Ford. Statbuster expects: The Grizzlies to never tank again.

Jeff Green: Seattle was eager to deem Kevin Durant and Jeff Green the "new era" for the organization. That statement's about half right. Green has zero strength and isn't much of a rebounder, so him beating out Nick Collison or Chris Wilcox isn't likely. And that Durant fellow won't be battling anyone for minutes. Sonics expect: Scottie Pippen. Statbuster expects: A bad Lamar Odom impersonation for 10-15 minutes a game.

Yi Jianlian: Even three years after people began callin Yi "the next big thing", the guy's still a big question mark. Is he the next Yao Ming? What position will he play? Is he 20 years old or 30? Will they have to trade him? Or will he visit the Panda Express on Wisconsin Avenue and shake his head in pity? The Bucks will need him to play the 3 alongside Charlie Villanueva, but he may not have the inside game to use his size advantage. Bucks expect: Toni Kukoc. Statbuster expects: Yi to be completely sick of Wal-Marts, Pabst Blue Ribbon and fried cheese curds by January.

Corey Brewer: I'm not sure what Brewer's specialty is. He only mustered 13 ppg his senior year, and doesn't have NBA three-point range (33% his senior year). All this while posting 2.5 turnovers a night. In comparison, Nick Young (SG taken by the Wizards at 16th) had 2.4 turns a night, but scored nearly 18 a game. Scouts say he's an outstanding defender, but don't the Wolves already have Trenton Hassell? Timberwolves expect: An All-Defensive Teamer. Statbuster expects: Randy Foye and Ricky Davis to have plenty of job security.

Brandan Wright: Golden State turned the Bay area on its ass when they dealt fan favorite Jason Richardson for Wright on draft night. But, honestly, Wright is a steal at the #8 pick (some mock drafts had him as high as 3rd). He has a great touch around the basket and is an outstanding athlete, and is a perfect fit for Don Nelson's coked-up offense. You'll might see a frontcourt rotation of Harrington, Biedrins and Brandan Wright on opening night. Warriors Expect: Chris Bosh Statbuster Expects: To see even less of Adonal Foyle and Patrick O'Bryant next season.

Joakim Noah: The Man They Call Basketbawful wasn't a happy camper when the Bulls selected The Joker with the #9 pick. And I'm not convinced Noah will be in a Bulls uniform come opening night. Assuming he doesn't get dealt, old school coaches like Scott Skiles are notoriously hard on rookies, so Noah will enjoy having front row seats to all the Bulls games next season. Bulls Expect: Tyson Chandler..wait, didn't they already have this guy? Statbuster Expects: More moments like Noah Dance.

Spencer Hawes: Scouts feel Hawes is the most talented low post scorer in the draft. This will be overshadowed by a softness that makes Brad Miller look like Rick Mahorn. Kings Expect: Kevin Duckworth. Statbuster Expects: Hawes may literally be eaten alive next season.

Also worth mentioning:

Tyronn Lue isn't selling his house: The Hawks passed on Mike Conley with the 3rd pick, then later drafted PG Acie Law at #11. ESPN says he's a bit slow and is a so-so jump shooter. That sounds a lot like Mateen Cleaves to me. And we know how that turned out.

Knick Happens: We already touched on New York complimenting their non-defending big man with another non-defending big man. But what did Portland get out of peddling Zach Randolph, their 23-10 guy? Steve Francis isn't exactly a lock to win the starting PG spot from Jarrett Jack. His knees are shot and will likely try to earn more minutes by pouting and being injured. And Channing Frye literally forgot how to play basketball. OK, he was on a bad ankle, but its mind-boggling how far his stock has fallen in eight months.

The Greg Oden Consolation Prize: Celtics fans should think of Ray Allen as the toaster oven and "Price is Right" board game Bob Barker gives you when you lose at Plinko. Honestly, if Celtics lost out on the Oden/Durant Sweepstakes and Jeff Green (the guy the Celts took with the #5 pick) didn't produce right away and they were on pace for another 50 loss season, Beantown would kill somebody. That somebody would be Jeff Green. So by trading him, they did him a huge favor. The Celts wanted an All-Star right now (and managed to deal Wounded Wally in the process), but they should have targeted someone younger and coming off fewer off-season ankle surgeries.

Sleeper of the Draft: With untalented stiffs like Kendrick Perkins and Brian Scalabrine to contend with, a spot in the rotation is there for Glen Davis' taking. He appears to be a throw-in in the Ray Allen trade, but if Davis shows up in November ready to play (i.e. under 300 pounds and no Little Debbies in sight) he has the size and low post moves to make some noise. Attending Celtics games may be slightly less painful this year.

Labels: NBA Draft

Uh, nice...bowtie...or whatever.

Just what in the name of Odin's shaggy beard was Danny Ainge thinking? Let's see: The Boston Celtics are led by a 6'6" All-Star perimeter player. So what does Ainge do? He deals the 5th pick in the draft for a 6'5" All-Star perimeter player. Ray Allen is basically just an older, lamer version of Paul Pierce who, in case you didn't know, is already a Celtic. And he's coming off surgery on both ankles. And he's got three years and $52 million left on his contract. Assuming the C's keep him, he and Pierce are going to account for between $30 and $40 million in cap space over the next three seasons, which drastically limits their ability to add other quality players.

This isn't going to work. It won't. It can't. Allen and Pierce are both quality players, All-Stars even. But they play the same position and do the exact same types of things (mostly firing it up from the outside). Does anybody remember how the 2002-03 Wizards teamed Jerry Stackhouse (a mad bomber) with an aging Michael Jordan (whose creaky knees had transformed him into a fall-away jump shooter)? That didn't work either, unless you consider 37 wins and an early vacation "working." Then again, after a 24-win season that featured an 18-game losing streak, 37 wins would be a pretty significant upswing.

Speaking of moves that made me want to whack my head with something hard, how 'bout those Knicks, huh? On paper, it looks like a great move: they essentially dumped Steve Francis and his bloated contract (two years, $33 million) for a legitimate 20/10 guy. Zach Randolph was, without a doubt, one of the best low post players in the West. But the Knicks already had one of the best low post players in the East. Do Randolph and Eddy Curry really complement each other? Of the Knicks many needs, "second inside scorer" was not among them. Plus, they're not exactly making cap room: Zach has four years and over $60 million left on his current contract.

Let me break this down for you: The Celtics and Knicks, two of the worst teams in the league, both brokered deals that brought them more of what they already had, and at a very high price. I don't get it. Am I the only one who doesn't get it? Did I forget everything I ever knew about basketball overnight? Can anyone explain these moves to me?

And lastly, I have to address my Bullies. They drafted Joakim Noah, supposedly a "steal," with the 9th pick. Again, on the surface it was a great move. Noah's a high-energy player with boundless energy and enthusiasm. He's also a character guy and a proven winner. What he is not is anything remotely resembling what the Bulls actually needed, which was (primarily) a low post scorer and (secondarily) a big guard/small forward who can penetrate and create his own shot. Noah is not a scorer. He can't score inside, nor can he shoot from the outside. Most of the 12 PPG he scored in his Junior season at Florida came on layups and tip-ins. You know, last summer, the Bulls spent $60 million on a guy who could rebound, bang bodies, had a winning history, and couldn't score in an empty gym full of five-foot hoops. His name is Ben Wallace, and he already does all the things Noah is predicted to do.

Seriously, my head hurts.

Labels: Ben Wallace, Boston Celtics, Chicago Bulls, Danny Ainge, Eddy Curry, Joakim Noah, NBA Draft, New York Knicks, Paul Pierce, Ray Allen, Zach Randolph

If you are wondering why the Blazers still seem unsure on whether to draft Greg Oden, here's one fact I'm sure they'll ponder before stepping to the podium later this month: Greg Oden attended Ohio State, which is a Big Ten school. And Big Ten centers are cursed.

No, I'm not a jaded Michigan alum and I don't hate Portland or feel sorry for Danny Ainge and company. But big men drafted out of the Big Ten Conference have a track record for failure that has reached Gilligan's Island proportions. Let's start off with...

Indiana: Kent Benson's path of destruction began when he hazed freshman Larry Bird to the point where he dropped out of school before the season started. Then the Bucks drafted him 1st overall, and he rewarded them with 9 points and 6 boards per in three depressing seasons. His most memorable moment came when he baited Kareem Abdul-Jabbar into punching his lights out in '78. Uwe Blab (17th) later upheld the Hoosier tradition in 1985. He scored a total of 505 career points. Fans were more interested in his name than anything he did on the court, which wasn't much.

Iowa: Before the Celtics were getting hosed by the lottery, Acie Earl (19th) was giving them false hope back in 1993. Hoping the Big Ten Defensive MVP would give them an anchor in the middle for the next ten years, they ended up with a poor man's Chris Dudley for the next two. And don't get me started on the comedic antics of Brad Lohaus (6 ppg and an appearance in NBA Jam).

Michigan: The Mavericks took Roy Tarpley 7th overall back in '86, and he was on the verge of joining the 20-10 club in his second year. Then he joined the 420 club and was suspended for drug violations. There were rumors of him making a comeback in 2005, but in between bong hits and glass knees, even Kenny Rogers isn't a big enough gambler to bring in this guy. And don't forget Tim McCormick (12th, 8 ppg, 8 seasons).

Minnesota: Joel Przybilla (9th) pretended to have talent for approximately 25 games in 2005, and now the Blazers are stuck paying $5 million a year for 4 ppg. Mychal Thompson (1st overall) was a solid 17 points and 9 boards guy for seven seasons with the Blazers. And you may remember him as being Vlade Divac's tag team partner in Lakers vs Celtics on your Sega Genesis. But the fact that Portland took Mychal over Larry Bird had to sting a little. Remember Randy Breuer? (18th, 7 ppg) Kevin McHale was awesome, so I won't count him.

Ohio State: Herb Williams (14th, 11 ppg) was a respectable player for 11 seasons. But he was in the league for 18. The Buckeyes also produced...um...Lawrence Funderburke?

Penn State: Before John Amaechi (6 ppg in 5 seasons) became a minor celebrity by being gay, he was an actual basketball player! Calvin Booth ($6 million/year, 3 ppg) is neither gay nor a basketball player.

Wisconsin: Paul Grant. 20th overall. 16 games played. 'Nuff said.

Purdue: Brace yourself for this. In 1980, Golden State traded Robert Parish and Kevin McHale for rookie Joe Barry Carroll (1st). Parish and McHale went on to become cornerstones for the Celtics championship run later that season. JBC ditched his team for a while to go play in Italy. Three years later, the Warriors would be Purdue'd again by a guy named Russell Cross (6th overall, 354 career minutes). Then Purdue strikes yet again. This time in Atlanta, with Keith Edmonson in 1982 (10th, 522 career points). This string of catastrophes may have contributed to All-Star Brad Miller going undrafted in 1998. Unfortunately, ten years later, Brad is slowly devolving from likeable underdog to marshmallowy salary cap-killer.

(Note to Purdue alumi: Statbuster attended Iowa State. Let him have it.)

Labels: Greg Oden, NBA Draft, portland

So let me get this straight: the first three - and most important - picks in the draft are left to a mysterious, shady system of "Here's who we supposedly selected to pick 1 thru 3 in a back room somewhere," but the rest of the picks are ordered by the traditional system used by every other league since the beginning of time, "That team which sucketh the most shall getteth the highest pick."

This lottery system supposedly defends against teams intentionally tanking to get a higher draft pick. But the fact is, there's STILL an incentive for teams to tank - they get a higher percentage possibility of receiving a better pick. Or at least they THINK they will...I'm guessing Stern, realizing that his lottery plot hasn't kept teams from doing what they will, is now choosing the order of the draft himself to further dissuade what he considers bad behavior. Is that grassy knoll conspiracy theory talk? Yes, and that is how much I have lost faith in the ability of Stern to lead this league. I can just see him in a dark room, putting the cards in the envelopes, muttering to himself..."That'll teach you to intentionally suck, Boston."

What Stern doesn't realize is that the Celtics weren't trying to suck that hard - THEY REALLY ARE THAT BAD. C'mon, David, throw us a bone here. We were half of what kept the league alive during the Bird/Magic era...hell, with Larry's help, we MADE YOU WHAT YOU ARE, MAN. Are we asking for all that much? Oden is going to be little more than Ben Wallace when he hits the Pros, and Durant is a whole lotta hype. C'mon, dude - give us a reason to breathe.

The fact is, tons of enormous, legendary talent has been selected at or below the fifth pick, where the Celts now stand. But is Danny Ainge smart enough to find it? Hmmm, just peek at the last 20 years of Celtics lore a few posts down to figure that one out.

OK, back on point: Mr. Stern, leave it to you to make your draft as inconsistent and unpalatable as your league's officiating. No wonder a website called Basketbawful has so goddamn much content.

Below is some excruciating video of an NBA draft party attended by every basketball fan in the Portland area, made up predominantly of what appear to be illiterate lumberjacks. My favorite part of this video is the end where the dude says "We TOLD you we were headed in the right direction! We weren't lying." Way to interpret pure, blind luck as managerial prowess, dork. Even Danny Ainge wouldn't have said that.

Am I bitter that this stupid lottery system hasconsistently worked against the Celtics? You betcha.

Labels: boston, NBA Draft, portland

This is the second part of the sad tale of why the Celtics will suck forever. You can go back and read Part 1 if for some reason you enjoy really depressing stories.

1998-99: The Celtics draft Paul Pierce, which ends up being the first good draft choice the team has made since selecting Rick Fox in 1991. But the reality is that the team is still dependent on guys like Vitaly Potapenko, Tony Battie, and Dana Barros. 'Nuff said. The C's finish 19-31 in a lockout shortened season and, again, fail to make the playoffs.

1999-00: Rick Pitino continues to destroy the Celtics*. Thanks to some of his earlier deals, the Celtics don't have a draft pick until the 26th spot of the second round. Pitino still manages to screw that one up by selecting Kris Clack (who never plays for the Celtics -- or any other NBA team) instead of Manu Ginobili. For some reason, the Celtics trade Ron Mercer in order to reaquire Eric Williams (despite the fact that he had suffered a serious knee injury). They also get Danny Fortson in the deal. Antoine Walker and Paul Pierce both pour in 20 PPG but shoot in the low 40s. The season's most memorable moment is when Pitino gives his famous "Larry Bird is not walking through that door…" speech. The team plays no defense and finishes 35-47. They don’t reach the playoffs. Again.

*During the summer of 2000, I was in Chicago’s O’Hare airport waiting to catch a plane to Myrtle Beach when I looked over and noticed Rick Pitino waiting for the same flight. Being a long-time Celtics fan, I had grown to hate this man the way that Holocaust survivors hate Hitler. As I walked through First Class where he was sitting, I yelled at him, "Hey Pitino, you screwed over Red Auerbach and destroyed the Celtics. Good job." He didn’t respond or even look at me, but I hope my diatribe had something to do with his resignation the next season.

2000-01: Pitino drafts Jerome Moiso (who plays only 24 games and averages 1.5 PPG) instead of Quentin Richardson, Jamaal Magloire, or Michael Redd. On Septemer 25, 2000, Paul Pierce is hit in the head with a champagne bottle and stabbed 11 times in the neck and back outside a Boston nightclub. The attack punctures Pierce's left lung and surgery is required to save his life. Miraculously, Pierce recovers and plays all 82 games an sets career highs in points, assists, field goal percentage, and minutes. However, the team starts out 12-22, and, as a result, Pitino finally cracks and resigns with a record of 102-146 as the Celtics coach (he later admits he never would have taken the job if he'd known the team wouldn't be able to draft Tim Duncan). Pitino is replaced by Jim O'Brien as coach and Chris Wallace as General Manager, and Red Auerbach is reinstated as Team President. O'Brien coaches the team to a respectable 24-24 finish which, despite the 36-46 overall record, gives reason to hope.

2001-02: The Celtics have the 10th, 11th, and 21st picks in the draft, and they select Joe Johnson, Kedrick Brown, and Joseph Forte over guys like Richard Jefferson, Zach Randolph, Tony Parker, Gilbert Arenas, and Mehmet Okur. Their one good selection, Johnson, is dealt to the Phoenix Suns in a midseason trade for Rodney Rogers and Tony Delk. Jim O'Brien works some serious coaching magic, leading the team to 49 wins and a trip to the Eastern Conference Finals, where they fall to the New Jersey Nets in six games. During this series, the Boston crowd shows how far they've fallen by serenading Jason Kidd with chants of "wife beater" throughout Games 3 and 4.

2002-03: Due to earlier trades, the Celtics don't draft until the 21st spot of the second round. They select Darius Songaila. The team trades Kenny Anderson, Vitaly Potepenko, and Joseph Forte for Shammon Williams and a fat Vin Baker (and his even fatter $12 million contract). Baker manages to average 11 PPG and 8 RPG, but turns out to be a binge-drinking alcoholic. Coach Jim O'Brien repeatedly smells alcohol on Baker's Twinkie-coated breath and confronts him about it. The team is forced to suspend Baker and eventually releases him. Danny Ainge is hired as the Executive Director of Basketball Operations. The team loses a step without Anderson, who was their floor leader, and wins only 44 games. The team does qualify for the playoffs, but they are knocked out in the second round by the New Jersey Nets.

2003-04: Danny Ainge drafts Troy Bell, Dahntay Jones, and Brandon Hunter instead of players like Boris Diaw, Leandro Barbosa, Josh Howard, Luke Walton, or even Kyle Korver. Bell and Jones never play for the team, and Hunter is a bust. Ainge also trades Antoine Walker and Tony Delk to the Dallas Mavericks for Raef LaFrentz (along with his chronic injuries and ginormous contract) and a draft pick. Ainge feuds with coach Jim O'Brien, then trades Eric Williams and Tony Battie to Cleveland for Ricky Davis, Chris Mihm, and Jiri Welsch. O'Brien resigns in disgust with the team only 22-24. John Carroll takes over as coach and the team struggles to a 14-22 finish. The C's 36-46 record is (amazingly) good enough to make the playoffs...where the team is promptly swept in the first round by the Indiana Pacers. It's important to note that the Celtics were part of the trade that sent Rasheed Wallace to Detroit, which helped propel the Pistons to the 2004 NBA championship.

2004-05: The Celtics have a successful draft by selecting Al Jefferson, Delonte West, and Tony Allen. They also manage to dump the salaries of Chris Mihm, Chucky Atkins, and Jumaine Jones by picking up Gary Payton and Rick Fox (who immediately retires) from the Lakers. Danny Ainge hires Doc Rivers to coach the team. During the season, Ainge trades Payton to the Atlanta Hawks in order to reaquire Antoine Walker. The Hawks release Payton, who immediately resigns with the Celtics. The team manages to win 45 games and captures their first Atlantic Division title since the 1991-92 season. However, they lose in the first round to the Pacers, who finish them off in Game 7 at the Fleet Center.

2005-2006: Danny Ainge lets Gary Payton walk as a free agent and completes a sign-and-trade deal that sends Antoine Walker to the Miami Heat for Qyntel Woods and Curtis Borchardt (neither of whom ever play for the Celtics), two future second round picks, the rights to a Spanish center who never plays for them, cash, and some old Rainbow Bright trading cards. Ainge also signs Brian Scalabrine to a five year, $5 million contract. During the season, Ainge trades Ricky Davis, Mark Blount, and Marcus Banks to the Minnesota Timberwolves for Wally Szczerbiak (and his bad knees), Michael Olowokandi (and his lousy work ethic), and Dwayne Jones. Paul Pierce plays like an MVP, but the team finishes with a 33-49 record and doesn’t make the playoffs.

2006-07: The Celtics trade for Sebastian Telfair instead of drafting Brandon Roy; Telfair proves to be a bad fit, gets into legal trouble and is eventually released while Roy goes on to become the Rookie of the Year. Red Auerbach dies. Doc Rivers continues to "coach." Paul Pierce gets "injured" and the team begins to tank. This leads to a franchise-worst 18-game losing streak in the midst of a 2-22 stretch that lasts from December 2006 to February 2007. Dennis Johnson dies. The team finishes 24-58, which is the second worst record in the NBA. The team gives Rivers a contract extension. The Celtics effectively mortgage their future in the hopes of landing the first or second pick in the draft (and thus the chance of selecting Greg Oden or Kevin Durant). Instead, the Celtics end up with the fifth pick, which was (of course) the worst possible slot they could have drawn. It becomes official: the Celtics are doomed forever.

Labels: Antoine Walker, Boston Celtics, Danny Ainge, Destrucity, Doc Rivers, NBA Draft, Paul Pierce, various Celtics players

Portland, Seattle and Atlanta all coming out on top of the 2007 Draft Lottery was a far more unlikely outcome than anything the Orlando Magic pulled off in 1993. Going in, you knew one of the mid-level teams had a decent chance of sneaking into the top three. But the chances that Memphis, Boston and Milwaukee -- all three of the worst teams in the league -- would all be pushed out of the top three were almost nil. Okay, I'm exaggerating, but they were still pretty damn low.

Labels: conspiracy theories, NBA Draft