If you are wondering why the Blazers still seem unsure on whether to draft Greg Oden, here's one fact I'm sure they'll ponder before stepping to the podium later this month: Greg Oden attended Ohio State, which is a Big Ten school. And Big Ten centers are cursed.

No, I'm not a jaded Michigan alum and I don't hate Portland or feel sorry for Danny Ainge and company. But big men drafted out of the Big Ten Conference have a track record for failure that has reached Gilligan's Island proportions. Let's start off with...

Indiana: Kent Benson's path of destruction began when he hazed freshman Larry Bird to the point where he dropped out of school before the season started. Then the Bucks drafted him 1st overall, and he rewarded them with 9 points and 6 boards per in three depressing seasons. His most memorable moment came when he baited Kareem Abdul-Jabbar into punching his lights out in '78. Uwe Blab (17th) later upheld the Hoosier tradition in 1985. He scored a total of 505 career points. Fans were more interested in his name than anything he did on the court, which wasn't much.

Iowa: Before the Celtics were getting hosed by the lottery, Acie Earl (19th) was giving them false hope back in 1993. Hoping the Big Ten Defensive MVP would give them an anchor in the middle for the next ten years, they ended up with a poor man's Chris Dudley for the next two. And don't get me started on the comedic antics of Brad Lohaus (6 ppg and an appearance in NBA Jam).

Michigan: The Mavericks took Roy Tarpley 7th overall back in '86, and he was on the verge of joining the 20-10 club in his second year. Then he joined the 420 club and was suspended for drug violations. There were rumors of him making a comeback in 2005, but in between bong hits and glass knees, even Kenny Rogers isn't a big enough gambler to bring in this guy. And don't forget Tim McCormick (12th, 8 ppg, 8 seasons).

Minnesota: Joel Przybilla (9th) pretended to have talent for approximately 25 games in 2005, and now the Blazers are stuck paying $5 million a year for 4 ppg. Mychal Thompson (1st overall) was a solid 17 points and 9 boards guy for seven seasons with the Blazers. And you may remember him as being Vlade Divac's tag team partner in Lakers vs Celtics on your Sega Genesis. But the fact that Portland took Mychal over Larry Bird had to sting a little. Remember Randy Breuer? (18th, 7 ppg) Kevin McHale was awesome, so I won't count him.

Ohio State: Herb Williams (14th, 11 ppg) was a respectable player for 11 seasons. But he was in the league for 18. The Buckeyes also produced...um...Lawrence Funderburke?

Penn State: Before John Amaechi (6 ppg in 5 seasons) became a minor celebrity by being gay, he was an actual basketball player! Calvin Booth ($6 million/year, 3 ppg) is neither gay nor a basketball player.

Wisconsin: Paul Grant. 20th overall. 16 games played. 'Nuff said.

Purdue: Brace yourself for this. In 1980, Golden State traded Robert Parish and Kevin McHale for rookie Joe Barry Carroll (1st). Parish and McHale went on to become cornerstones for the Celtics championship run later that season. JBC ditched his team for a while to go play in Italy. Three years later, the Warriors would be Purdue'd again by a guy named Russell Cross (6th overall, 354 career minutes). Then Purdue strikes yet again. This time in Atlanta, with Keith Edmonson in 1982 (10th, 522 career points). This string of catastrophes may have contributed to All-Star Brad Miller going undrafted in 1998. Unfortunately, ten years later, Brad is slowly devolving from likeable underdog to marshmallowy salary cap-killer.

(Note to Purdue alumi: Statbuster attended Iowa State. Let him have it.)

Labels: Greg Oden, NBA Draft, portland

So let me get this straight: the first three - and most important - picks in the draft are left to a mysterious, shady system of "Here's who we supposedly selected to pick 1 thru 3 in a back room somewhere," but the rest of the picks are ordered by the traditional system used by every other league since the beginning of time, "That team which sucketh the most shall getteth the highest pick."

This lottery system supposedly defends against teams intentionally tanking to get a higher draft pick. But the fact is, there's STILL an incentive for teams to tank - they get a higher percentage possibility of receiving a better pick. Or at least they THINK they will...I'm guessing Stern, realizing that his lottery plot hasn't kept teams from doing what they will, is now choosing the order of the draft himself to further dissuade what he considers bad behavior. Is that grassy knoll conspiracy theory talk? Yes, and that is how much I have lost faith in the ability of Stern to lead this league. I can just see him in a dark room, putting the cards in the envelopes, muttering to himself..."That'll teach you to intentionally suck, Boston."

What Stern doesn't realize is that the Celtics weren't trying to suck that hard - THEY REALLY ARE THAT BAD. C'mon, David, throw us a bone here. We were half of what kept the league alive during the Bird/Magic era...hell, with Larry's help, we MADE YOU WHAT YOU ARE, MAN. Are we asking for all that much? Oden is going to be little more than Ben Wallace when he hits the Pros, and Durant is a whole lotta hype. C'mon, dude - give us a reason to breathe.

The fact is, tons of enormous, legendary talent has been selected at or below the fifth pick, where the Celts now stand. But is Danny Ainge smart enough to find it? Hmmm, just peek at the last 20 years of Celtics lore a few posts down to figure that one out.

OK, back on point: Mr. Stern, leave it to you to make your draft as inconsistent and unpalatable as your league's officiating. No wonder a website called Basketbawful has so goddamn much content.

Below is some excruciating video of an NBA draft party attended by every basketball fan in the Portland area, made up predominantly of what appear to be illiterate lumberjacks. My favorite part of this video is the end where the dude says "We TOLD you we were headed in the right direction! We weren't lying." Way to interpret pure, blind luck as managerial prowess, dork. Even Danny Ainge wouldn't have said that.

Am I bitter that this stupid lottery system hasconsistently worked against the Celtics? You betcha.

Labels: boston, NBA Draft, portland