There will be no Worst of the Night post, folks. There were only two games, both pretty good, and I'm suffering All-Star break letdown.

Instead, here's a different sort of treat. The RedEye -- a free daily publication put out by the Chicago Tribune -- ran a story in which various members of the Chicago Bulls recount the tale of their first dunk. And, in case you've forgotten, Brian Scalabrine and Kyle Korver both play for the Bulls.

And so...

Labels: Brian Scalabrine, dunks, Kyle Korver

And now, Part 5 of this year's NBA Worsties. We've gotten through March now. Only three long months and several more reader nominations to go...

Dwyane Wade calls out...Reggie Miller?!: With the Heat sucking and D-Wade clearly not playing up to his pre-injury standards, Reggie suggested during a TNT broadcast that Wade was playing at about 60 percent capacity. This illicited unexpected rage from Pookie, who said: "Tell Reggie to meet me at the gym in Miami and see what percentage I am. We'll go from there. I'm not 100 (%), but I'm not 60." Sure, Dwyane. Because (as I said at the time) going one-on-one against a 40-something retired player whose body looks like a bunch of wire hangers covered in Saran Wrap is going to prove that how exactly?

Jason Kidd opens mouth, inserts foot: After scoring a season-high 21 points against the Kings, Kidd tried to explain why he doesn't score 20 every night: "My brain is wired differently I guess. Scorer's have more of a tunnel vision. Maybe I should get blinders like horses wear and be more of an 'I' guy, in a good way." However, Basketbawful reader flohtingpoint was quick to dispell the myth of Kidd's selfless non-shooting: "Riiiightt...as it stands right now, Jason 'Jumpshot' Kidd has more career three-point attempts (3962) than Mad Max (3931), Glen Rice (3896), The Rifleman (3370) and Dan Majerle (3798). If anything Jason needs to shoot alot LESS. The only person who launched more ill-advised shots over his career than Jason was 'Toine Walker." Update! According to Basketball-Reference.com, Kidd finished the 2007-08 season with 4,025 career three-point attempts...only 239 behind Antoine Walker!

Dirk Nowitzki and Erick Dampier do the Dance of Dumb: If you want to know why I haven't finished the Worsties yet, it's because I spend at least 17 hours of every day rewatching this video.


Kobe hits an old lady in the face with a towel: Sure, it was an accident and everything...but isn't it funny how so many of these "accidents" happen in Kobe's approximate vicinity?


Kobe fans take over Basketbawful for a day: And it will live on in infamy.

Kyle Korver plays -- giggle! -- defense: This was shameful. Truly shameful. But hey, at least he's dating twins...


The Heat's worst weekend ever: The weekend got off to a rough start with a 35-point home loss to the Golden State Warriors. Then, on Saturday night, they lost not once but twice to the Atlanta Hawks in a matter of hours. And I'm not even exaggerating. First, they replayed the last 51.9 seconds of the infamous "dispute game" and lost 114-111 (and since they lost this game 117-111 the first time, that means they lost the same game on two differenct occasions). Then they went out and lost their regularly scheduled game to the Hawks 97-94. So that's three losses in two nights, including one game they got to lose for the second time. That could be considered a four-loss weekend, which has to be some kind of NBA record. Yay team.

Joakim Noah loses touch with reality: I'm going to go ahead and assume that Joakim Noah was suffering from a serious headwound after the Chicago Bulls' 116-109 loss to the Detroit Pistons...at least that would explain his bizarre post-game comments, which were ridiculous in any and every context imaginable: "With our style of play, there's no reason we shouldn't have beaten that team. I think Detroit's a great team, but I still think we are better than them, really. I feel like we're a better team." Ooookay. I guess Joakim didn't learn very much in that extra year at college. No time for class. Too sleepy.

Chris Duhon puts the "Me" in "Team": C-Du was fined and suspended that Bulls loss to the Pistons I mentioned one paragraph ago for missing the team's morning shootaround. Now, you'd probably assume that a roleplayer who's trying desperately to cling to the remains of his NBA career would be at least somewhat humble and apologetic after an incident like this. But you'd be totally wrong. Said Duhon: "It wasn't my fault. I didn't get my wakeup call." Now there's a heaping helping of personal responsibility for you. But it didn't stop there. "I haven't been playing the last six or seven games," said Duhon, conveniently forgetting the 25 minutes he played the previous Friday night against the Celtics. "Ususally, I don't play anyway, so it doesn't have that much of an effect on me." Of course, Kirk Hinrich and Ben Gordan both picked up two fouls in the first six minutes of the Pistons game, and Thabo Sefolosha was still out with a strained left groin. In other words, the Bulls needed Duhon, but Duhon wasn't available. Of course, he was available to fly to North Carolina to watch Saturday night's Duke-North Carolina game, which didn't end until 11 p.m. Eastern Standard Time. And the daylight-saving time changover made the night an hour shorter. Duhon chartered a flight to Detroit, but he still got in pretty late, which, you know, might have made him a little sleepy. Keep in mind, though, it's still not his fault. He didn't get his wakeup call. And he hasn't been playing anyway. So get off his back. (Sidenote: He is going to fit in so well with the Knicks this season...)

Kiss fight!: Who would have seen this coming? I mean, a kiss fight during Washington Wizards television broadcasts? Oh yes. It started when Steve Buckhantz (play-by-play) kissed Phil Chenier (color commentator) on the arena's Kiss Cam during a game, and Phil responded by kissing Steve back during a pre-game segment. Here's the first kiss:


And here's Phil's insideous revenge kiss:


Mark Cuban wages a one-billionaire war on the great Blogging Menace: Cube Steak officially banned "bloggers" from the Mavericks' locker room. And in a move that was more ironic than having 10,000 spoons when all you need to kill Alanis Morissette with is a knife, the announcement was made on his blog. This was, of course, a response to the "Fire Avery Johnson" campaign. A petulant and immature response, but a response nonetheless. And it wasn't the first time Cuban pooped on bloggers. Why does Cuban hate bloggers so much, when he, himself, is a blogger? I can only assume it must be a sign of his own deep-rooted self-loathing. Or, I dunno, maybe he's just a big douche.

John Hollinger's stat wizardry: In his review of the Bulls/Cavs/Sonics trade, Hollinger made it seem as if Cleveland GM Danny Ferry was making off like some kind of cartoon bandit: "This one works, big time. Answer me this: Would you rather have Hughes (12.0 player efficiency rating) or Szczerbiak (16.0)? Brown (8.5) or West (10.1)? Marshall (8.5) or Wallace (12.1)? Gooden (12.8) or Smith (17.4)?"

I thought this assessment was a wee bit bogus, mostly because Hollinger fiddled somewhat with the comparisons. After all, juxtaposing the PER of Shannon Brown and Delonte West didn't seem particularly fair, considering that Brown had appeared - and briefly - in only 15 games while West had played in 35 and gotten more minutes. Furthermore, Marshall was a seldom-used reserve who had made a mere 11 cameo appearances for the Cavs, whereas Ben Wallace was a starter who had played 50 games at a rate of more than 32 minutes per. And wouldn't Wallace versus Drew Gooden had make a better one-for-one comparison anyway? I guess what I'm saying is that, at the time, if felt as though Hollinger arranged the player matchoffs so he could use his PER numbers to support his "Cleveland won this one" argument.

But here's a little post-script to Hollinger's "This one works, big time" declaration. Wally's PER plummetted from 15.7 to 10.3 while Larry Hughes' initially soared from 11.3 to 15.3 before eventually settling at 12.4. Oh, and Drew Gooden's PER went from 12.7 to 17.4 with the Bulls...which is much better than Wallace's 12.4 PER with the Cavs. So, based on these numbers, was Hollinger wrong, big time? Particularly since the move didn't really do much to improve the Cavs (or the Bulls for that matter)? PER is just another number, folks. And like any other stat, it only tells part of a much larger story. Sorry.

Basketbawful (gak) praises (vomit) Kobe Bryant: And it will live on in infamy.

Phoenix Suns bench flees in terror: Shaq goes running after a loose ball, and the Suns bench...well, I'd say they fled in terror like a bunch of little girls, but that would be an unfair insult to little girls everywhere.


Antoine Walker defies logic, refuses buyout: Kevin McHale may be an idiot, but he proved he wasn't stupid enough to pay Antoine Walker's for doing nothing. And 'Toine wasn't happy about it. "Obviously, they're rebuilding, and obviously I'm not in the future plans, so I felt like maybe there was an opportunity for me to leave. They wanted money back that I wasn't willing to give back. It didn't work out that way. We'll just have to play it out, six weeks, and then we'll see what happens in the summer." Walker, who was averaging 8 PPG on 36 percent shooting, was making $8.5 million for the season. He said that the team "low-balled" him, offering a buyout he felt was unreasonable and "ridiculous, actually." The only thing that would be ridiculous would be offering Walker anything more than cab fare and a swift boot to the butt.

The Clippers prove they are who we thought they were: First, they let Sam Cassell bully them into a buyout. Then they replaced Sam-I-Wasn't with...Smush Parker! Wooooow. Basketbawful reader Wild Yams, who drew my attention to the signing, uttered prophetic words when he said: "Are the Clippers trying to get Elton Brand to opt out this summer or something?"

Rafer Alston versus Sasha Vujacic: Near the end of the Rockets 104-92 win over the Los Angeles Lakers -- Houston's 22nd win in a row -- Rafer Alston went all NBA Street on Sasha Vujacic, Sasha hacked him for it, and Rafer responded by sticking a finger in Sasha's mug before getting restrained by a referee. It's kind of a shame that Alston had to transform back into Skip 2 My Lou at the tail end of his best game as a pro. It's also kind of a shame that Vujacic is such a douche.


Timberwolves owner Glen Taylor accuses Kevin Garnett of tanking: Sometimes the best way to draw attention away from your crappy stewardship of the crappy team your crappy GM assembled is to take a cheap shot at your former stuperstar player. That way you're not a bad judge of basketball talent, you're just an idiot. And boy oh boy did Taylor let his stuperosity take center stage when he suggested that Kevin Garnett laid down on the job last season. In responding to a reporter's suggestion that the T-Wolves had tanked last season, Taylor said: "I don't think that. I don't like that so much. I don't like that. It was more like KG tanked it (for missing the final five games of the regular season). I think the other guys still wanted to play. But it sure changed the team and didn't make us (as good)." Now, some people think that experts and fans baby Garnett, and maybe we do...to a degree. But in this case, I'm going to let KG's intensity and work ethic speak for themselves. I mean, Garnett missed only 23 games in 12 seasons as a Timberwolf. Dude straight up brought it.

T.J. Ford freaks the hell out: Looks like the Pacers landed a real "character guy" this summer...


Drew Gooden's ego goes crazy: After a 31-point, 16-rebound game -- Gooden's ninth double-double in the 16 games since he was traded to the Bulls -- Drew was asked whether he could keep it up. Said Gooden: ''Yes, I can. And I will continue to work to get better at it. This is something that's not new to me, but I've got to brush off some of the old tools and put them back into use. Because I have had a couple years [playing with LeBron James] where I was the guy that goes out, works hard and grabs rebounds and becomes a defender with offensive capabilities." In case you need a Gooden-to-English translation, that means playing with LeBron was holding him back, and not that it's easier to put up big numbers when you're on a lousy, lottery-bound team. But Gooden's mouth wasn't finished. Not by a long shot. "I possess the tools. I don't want to sound cocky, but I think I possess everything. I feel like I can pass, block shots, play great defense, play help defense, shoot threes." No, not done yet. There was more. ''I believe that I can do it all. And confidence is the number one factor when it comes to offense. I can score in the post; I can score with my back to the basket, face up.'' You go, Drew. I look forward to watching you win the MVP next season. Look out, NBA! (Sidenote: Gooden had 2 points on 0-for-5 shooting in his very next game.)

Dirk auditions for a broadcasting job: The best part is near the end, when he says "Short bus!" in response to a terrible shot.


Andrew Bogut high-fives himself: One truly is the lonliest number.


Shaq versus Pat Riley: Ever notice how often Shaq always gets in these little Quote Feuds with former coaches and teammates? The latest War of the Words came after Shaq made the following statement about his new home in the Valley of the Sun: "I love playing for this coach and I love playing with these guys. We have professionals who know what to do. No one is asking me to play with Chris Quinn or Ricky Davis. I'm actually on a team again." Of course, these comments only served to depress old Sad Sack Riley. "It's sad that he says those things. We shared so much here, together, for three years, good and bad, 3 1/2 years. I just think it's sad that he's got to do that." Sadder than making Shaq spend his golden years playing alongside Ricky Davis and Mark Blount? I don't think so, Riles. When told of Riley's response, The Big Expletive-slinger said, "I don't give a shit how he interpreted it." After being reminded that the reporters couldn't use that quote because he cussed, Shaq said, "Sure you can. You can quote me, brother. You can put an 's,' then the tic-tac-toe, the 'at' sign and then the other symbols." He may no longer be the MDE, but he is and will always be the MQE (Most Quotable Ever).

Chris Webber wimps out: Why did he finally decide to retire? In Webber's own words: "Rehab is so hard. So monotonous, so boring. I really didn't want to try to rehab and come back this season because I don't think that's possible." And doesn't that statement just sort of epitomize the most frustrating aspect of Webber's career? The idea that there was more there and he simply didn't have the heart and/or strength of will to make it happen. Maybe rehabbing the absolute living hell out of his knee wouldn't have changed anything, but mabye it would have...? But we'll never know. Just like we'll never know whether the 2001-02 Sacramento Kings might have won the title if only Webber wouldn't have gotten a case of the yips during all the close games. Sometimes playing The What If Game can be fun. But as it pertains to Webber and his career, it's just painful. And kind of depressing.

Labels: Antoine Walker, Dwyane Wade, Jason Kidd, Kobe Bryant, Kyle Korver, Mark Cuban, Miami Heat, NBA Worsties, Shaq

"Detroit " versus "Cleveland": I know it's the end of the season and the games are meaningless and the coaches need to rest their starters. But Arron Afflalo versus Wally Sczcerbiak was not what the schedule makers had in mind when they arranged for these two teams to meet on the last night of the regular season. Not only were fans forced to watch the scrubs duke it out, they were treated to a total brickfest, with the "Pistons" shooting 38 percent and the "Cavaliers" scoring only 74 points on 32 percent shooting.

Damon Jones: The self-proclaimed "best shooter in the world" shot 1-for-12, and 0-for-4 from three-point range. It's like a stat curse that will never end...

"Washington" versus "Orlando": See above. (I always wanted to watch Marcin Gortat score a career-high 12 points!!)

Adonal Foyle: From Steven: "In the Wizards-Magic game today, Adonal Foyle, in 8 minutes of play, recorded just 1 shot (which was blocked) and 1 rebound. Surely 1 rebound and a shot which was blocked in 8 minutes is worse than a one or two trillion. I mean this guy is a center and thats all he can do?" Add in the fact that he was playing in garbage time? Yeah. Definitely worse than a one or two trillion.

New Orleans Hornets: They actually tried to win their game last night - Byron Scott chose not to rest his starters - and yet they lost to Dallas anyway. What's worse, the loss ensured that the'd be facing the Mavericks in the playoffs.

Chris Paul: He was already a longshot to win the MVP, but the loss coupled with an ass-whoopin' from Jason Kidd (27 points, 10 rebounds, 10 assists) cost him whatever little chance he had left. Not to mention it probably gave additional ammunition to the "Anti-Chris Paul For MVP" movement.

Dirk Nowitzki, quote machine: This is what Herr Diggler had to say after the game: "This was definitely a win we wanted to get. The Lakers are probably the hottest team in the West. We definitely didn't want to face them in the first round...(New Orleans) had a great year, but I think we match up pretty well." Good job, Dirk! You managed to demean your first round opponent and show abject fear of a possible future playoff opponent all in the same sentence. And that's what we call insult efficiency.

Isiah Thomas: His last game was a loss that ensured his Knicks would match the worst record in franchise history, which just so happend to occur a few years ago under his watch (although he was "only" the GM; Larry Brown was coaching the team). He also got booed in Indiana, where he once coached and was a college basketball hero at Indiana University. Oh, and Mike Dunleavy Jr. matched his career-high of 36 points for the third time against the Knicks this season. Now that, my friends, is ignominy.

Jamal Crawford, quote machine: Mr. Shoots-a-lot had this to say when asked about Isiah's future with the team. "Everybody here likes coach Thomas a lot. He brought everybody here personally, so there’s a certain loyalty to him and I always put in perspective with Doc Rivers. Last year, they (Boston) won 15, 16 games (actually 24) and everybody wanted him fired. This year, he's up for coach of the year. It helps to get Kevin Garnett no question, but Doc’s done a good job managing down there, so hopefully we can have the same effect here." He cannot be serious. Can he...?

Maurice Cheeks: I understand the need to get your starters some rest, and I also understand the fear of somebody getting hurt. But still, Philly needed a win last night for their confidence. The fact of the matter is, they've been slumping. They know it, the Pistons know it, everybody knows it. But now instead of finishing the season 41-41, they ended it two games under .500 and probably wondering what the hell they're going to do against Detroit. Let me put it this way: I can't remember too many teams who ended the regular season on a four-game losing streak making much noise in the playoffs. Can you?

New Jersey Nets: Beaten by the Celtics bench (their supposed Achille's heel going into this season). Destroyed by Leon Powe (27 points, 11 rebounds). I can't imagine any better way for the Nets to end their miserable season.

Maurice Ager: Ego-ectomy! During the second quarter, Maurice had his junk stuffed by Tony Allen. But it wasn't just a blocked shot; Allen stopped the ball and ripped it away from Ager one-handed.

Atlanta Hawks: I'll let Matt from Hardwood Paroxysm take this one. "Oh, the Hawks lost to Miami. Huh. Let me check the box score. They must have rested the starte...HOW IN THE HOLY BALLS OF CHRIST DO YOU PLAY YOUR STARTERS MORE THAN 30 MINUTES AND NOT BEAT THE HEAT? HOW? Forfeit. Forfeit now, Atlanta. You're about to unleash an embarrassment unlike anything Ben Stiller has ever concocted. Forfeit. Save us all."

Johnny "Red" Kerr: Hooooo, boy! Watching the Bulls may have blown chunks ths season, but Bulls fans always have Johnny to entertain us, and he never let's us down. Never. Ever. [From Odenized.]


Larry Krystkowiak, quote machine: After watching his team finish their 26-56 season with an overtime loss to the Minnesota Timberwolves, Larry said: "It stings. It is a negative exclamation point on a season. It would have been nice to walk out of here with a smile, but such is life." It also would have been nice if your team didn't suck so much. But such is life.

Ramon Sessions: This isn't a worst of the night, unless you count the guys defending him, because "Razor" Ramon had 25 points and 14 assists. This is the same former D-Leaguer who had 20 points and a Bucks franchise record 24 assists against Chicago the other day. Can anyone stop him?!

Corey Brewer: Watch Corey blow his second dunk of the game, then grab the offensive rebound and miss a layup. Another ego-ectomy.


Loren Woods: Thanks, Loren. I didn't think anybody would get a one trillion last night.

Chris Marlowe: The Nuggets broadcaster not only got a case of the hiccups during the game, he nicknamed J.R. Smith "The Headbandless Horseman." Don't worry if you don't get it. I don't either. [From Odenized.]

Kwame Brown: According to Yahoo!, Kwame had a 12 trillion and a +'- score of -7. According to everybody else, he "only" got a DNP-CD. Whatever the case, he sucks. He sucks bad. If I ever create a new industrial strength vacuum cleaner with incredible sucking power, I'm changing it's name from The Diaw to The Kwame. And, naturally, it'll be totally overpriced...

Utah Jazz: Wow. Way to get castrated by the Spurs, guys. Or is "castration" to generous. Yeah, probably too generous. That loss cost them homecourt advantage in the playoffs, by the way.

Kyle Korver: Remember Kyle's "Tickle-Me Elmo" defense from earlier this season? Well, it happened again. Look, Kyle. I'm sure the whole "Gay Elf" thing goes over big at the Lord of the Rings conventions. But it doesn't work real well in the NBA. Keep it up, and Jerry Sloan is going to choke a bitch. Can you guess who the bitch is going to be?

Bill Kennedy, Pat Fraher and Steve Javie: Poor Brian Skinner almost never gets to play, and you kick him out of the game for this? You guys are assholes just doing your job and trying to keep things under control.

Portland Trailblazers: You guys lost the chance to finish above .500 by losing the the Phoenix bench, which consists of D.J. Strawberry, Alando Tucker, Eric Piatkowski and Sean Marks. Just for that, I'm taking back 13.8 percent of the nice things I said about you this season.

Golden State Warriors: What a way to finish up a heartbreaking season...by losing to the (then) 19-win SuperSonics. I'm suddenly kind of glad they didn't make the playoffs.

Basketbawful: In today's NBA Closer column on Deadspin, I claimed that this year's Golden State Warriors were the first team since the 1990-91 Warriors to field three 20-point scorers. And a reader named Travis let me know I was wrong. "I'm a big fan of the site and your work on Deadspin, but I a quibble with your statement in today's NBA Closer column that the Warriors are the first team in 17 years to have three players average 20 points per game. Depending on how you compute a player's average (i.e., whether you round up), the 2004-05 Wizards had three players who averaged 20 points or more per game: Arenas, Jamison, and (yes, it's true!) Larry Hughes." Thanks for the correction, Travis. I feel like crap now.

Labels: Atlanta Hawks, Golden State Warriors, Isiah Thomas, Kwame Brown, Kyle Korver, New Jersey Nets, New York Knicks, Portland Trail Blazers, Utah Jazz, Worst of the Night

I'm busy writing some Eastern Conference playoff previews for Deadspin, but I promise that Kyle Korver's "gay elf defense" and Kwame Brown's mind-boggling 12 trillion [!!] will get full coverage in a couple hours.

Note: Okay. Yahoo! has Kwame down for the 12 trillion, ESPN has him down for a DNP-CD, and NBA.com has him down with a bunch of slashes. I'll get to the bottom of this when I write the post...

Labels: Kwame Brown, Kyle Korver, Worst of the Night

satellite (sat'-uh-lit') verb, -lited, -liting. To very quickly pass the ball inbounds or downcourt in order to initiate a fast break. This is a move that, in many cases, catches the opposing team by surprise.

Usage example: You can bet the Jazz will be ready next time a team satellites the ball against them in an end-of-game situation. Or Jerry Sloan will kill them all.

Word history: The term was coined by Kyle Korver after Utah's 97-94 loss to the Dallas Mavericks. Brief end-of-game recap: Deron Williams had just banked in a three-pointer to tie the score with about six seconds left. Utah expected Dallas to call timeout...only the Mavs didn't have one. So Jason Kidd immediately inbounded the ball, catching the Jazz totally off guard. Dallas ran the ball downcourt, Dirk Nowitzki popped a clutch three, and Utah lost.

After the game, Korver was still trying to make sense of what had happened. "They were kind of yelling at first. I think, maybe, I don't know if they were yelling for a timeout or not. But then Jason (Kidd) satellited it, and we weren't back, and we should have been, and they got a good look, and he made it."

And that, kids, is how a new Word of the Day is born. Many thanks to Basketbawful reader Brad for the find.

Random sitenote: This isn't the first time Deron Williams hit a big shot in the closing seconds only to be satellited by a pass that won the game. Seriously. It once happened against the Knicks, of all teams. Thanks to Scrumtrulescent for the history lesson. And thanks to Sturla, who provided the video.

Labels: Kyle Korver, Word of the Day

poster boy (pos'-tuhr boi) noun. A player who gets posterized, be it once, throughout a game, or repeatedly over the course of his entire career (see The Collected Works of Gregory Donovan Ostertag).

Usage example: Kyle Korver recently became the poster boy of the year.

Word trivia: Kyle Korver isn't just a career 40 percent three-point marksman and the sine qua non of Utah's recent upward sweep; he's also 100 percent Grade A beefcake. I'm completely serious. Go do a Google image search for "Kyle Korver" and you'll find him hangin' with the ladies, sandwiched between the glandularly challenged, kickin' it old school, wishing you a Happy Valentine's Day, posing in front of a tropical backdrop with some dude, being all angsty, breakin' hearts, rockin' the golf shorts, receiving a foot massage, flexing, getting an extreme makeover, learning that reading is FUN-damental, auditioning for Mr. Mom 2: Mommier Than Ever, attending a wedding, expressing the trophy love, bein' a homeboy, signing autographs, and scaring the absolute living piss out of Chris Farley's brother. All in all, Kyle might be the most posteriffic dude in NBA history.

Basketbawful's most favoritest poster boys: Because it never, ever gets old.

1. Greg Ostertag. God, we miss you Greg. We really do.


2. Shawn Bradley: They called him "The NBA Bitch" for a reason. Many reasons, actually.


3. Michael Olowokandi: How's that ball taste, Kandi Man?


4. Alonzo Mourning: There's just something sweet about watching a defensive menace getting posterized. Sorry, 'Zo.


5. Dikembe Mutombo: Kids, this is what happens when you finger wag people.

Labels: Alonzo Mourning, Dikembe Mutombo, Greg Ostertag, Kyle Korver, Michael Olowokandi, shawn bradley, Word of the Day

"Yeeeeaaaaaarrrrrrgggghh!!"
Kyle Korver: The hero of the 76ers' big road win against the Bucks became the goat in the team's homecourt flameout against the Jazz. After scoring 20 points (8-13) on Tuesday night, Korver scored only 4 points (1-9) against the Jazz. He was also limited to 21 minutes thanks to his 5 personal fouls. Of course, the real villain of the game was the 76ers' defense, which allowed the Jazz to shoot 55 percent from the field. Said coach Maurice Cheeks: "We talked before the game about eliminating layups and they (Jazz) had 20-plus layups. That's something I'm trying to stop." Better luck next time, coach Cheeks.

Fun fact: Carlos Boozer, who scored 26 points (12-17), is shooting 71 percent (44-62) over his last four games. He's currently fourth in the league in scoring (25.4), seventh in field goal percentage (57.7), and ninth in rebounding (11.2). With all due respect to Dirk Nowitzki and Tim Duncan, I think Boozer may be the best power forward in the Western Conference right now. Of course, we all know that Duncan will be the best PF come playoff time.

Memphis Grizzlies: The game was pretty much decided in the second quarter, during which the scary bears were outscored 30-10. I know the Raptors are a top-ten defensive team this season, but a 10-point quarter? You'd think a professional basketball team could score 10 points by accident.

Fun fact: Did you know that Brian Cardinal is making almost $6 million this season? Or that he'll be making over $6 million next season, and almost $7 million the season after that? His season totals -- not averages, but totals -- are: 17 points (on six field goals), 15 rebounds, 6 assists, 1 steal, zero blocks, and one hilarious picture of him getting knocked on his ass by Jeff Green. Also, check out Cardinal's arms. Those look like my grandpa's arms.

Milwuakee Bucks: Hey, Bobby Simmons was back! Unfortunately, his 5 points (1-4) couldn't prevent a 96-80 spanking from the Hawks (6-8). After this loss, construction of the Bucks Bandwagon has been halted until further notice. The Bucks committed 19 turnovers, clanked away from three-point range (3-17), and Charlie Bell -- the guy they wouldn't let bolt for Miami last summer -- contributed zero points (0-4), 3 rebounds, zero assists, zero steals, zero blocks, and 1 personal foul. I can see why they wanted to keep him.

Fun fact: Andrew Bogut is a talker, and he had a few choice things to say about his team after they lost to Atlanta. Basically, he thinks the Bucks suck against bad teams. "Without giving anyone bulletin board material or calling guys out or anything, it's just a problem that we're having with the franchise since I've been here." And hey, you can't say that Bogut didn't do his part: 18 points (7-12), 11 rebounds, 4 blocked shots.

Lebron James' supporting cast: James sprained his left index finger in the second quarter and didn't return to the game. What ensued was a ruthless thrashing of the Cavaliers by an undermanned Pistons team. The Cavs scored only 31 points in the second half, and even if they'd doubled that number, they still would have lost by four points. Yes, it was that bad.

Fun fact: According to basketball-reference.com, Donyell Marshall has earned almost $60 million in salary over his career. So why does it look like he bought his clothes off the clearance rack at Sears?

Matt Bonner: He notched a one trillion during the Spurs' relatively merciful drubbing of the Wizards. Yet he was still shown up by Dominic McGuire, who managed the even more rare two trillion. Even in a battle of futility, Bonner comes out the loser.

Fun fact(s): Matt Bonner might be a lousy NBA player, but he still leads a rich and complex life. To whit: Bonner received only one B in his scholastic career after failing a chemistry exam in late 2002. Among Bonner's favorite food is a Mr. Sub smoked turkey breast submarine sandwich with mayo and mustard on whole wheat. Bonner bought his car, a white Pontiac Grand Prix, in New Hampshire to avoid paying sales tax. He chose it because it had good leg room and decent gas mileage. [From Wikipedia]

The Dallas defense: Okay, maybe the Mavs' problem isn't ball movement after all. They strugged mightily to "limit" the lowly Timberwolves (2-11) to 103 points -- almost 10 points above their season average -- on 50 percent shooting. Here's the sad thing: The Mavs had to shake up their rotation, moving Jason Terry and Erick Dampier back to the starting lineup, just to barely end a three-game losing streak against the worst team in the league. Yikes. As a sidenote, the Mavs shot 1-10 from three-point range.

Fun fact: Turns out that Al Jefferson kid is just as good as projected: 20.7 PPG (on 52 percent shooting), 11.2 RPG, and 10 double-doubles in 13 games. This guy is Kevin McHale's one last flickering chance at redemption as a GM. But don't worry: I'm sure he'll screw this up too.

Starang: A few days ago, loyal reader and Suns fan Starang left the following comment on our blog: "Do you hear that clicking noise? Yeah, that one...it's the Suns' chemistry...we are about to rattle off 19 in a row...of the next 13 games, we play Spurs and Mav's 12th and 13th with no one in between, except maybe Utah, but that still should be a win." Congratulations, Starang: You successfully stat cursed the Suns, who have now lost two in a row since your bold and foolhardy prediction. I sincerely hope you've learned your lesson.

Jermaine O'Neal: The Pacers are now 6-1 without you this season. Jamaal Tinsley and Mike Dunleavy Jr. both play like All-Stars when you're not around. Do you get it? Without you clogging the lanes and fattening your stat line on a steady diet of contested 15 to 20-foot jumpers, the other Pacers can actually drive to the hoop and move the ball around for open shots. It's amazing. I wish you could be a part of it, but I know your titanic ego -- which insists you're almost as good as Kevin Garnett -- won't allow you to adjust your game to help the team. Look, we'll welcome you back with open arms, but only if you show up prepared to rebound, play defense, and settle into your new role as the third or fourth option on offense. Oh, and when you do get the ball, we'll expect you to take it strong to the hoop. No more fading away from the basket. Be a man. Signed -- Larry Bird.

Fun fact: Hey, we had a Raef LaFrentz sighting last night...only the fifth one of this young season. He's now amassed 16 points, 6 rebounds, and 1 assist for the season. Can you believe this dude is still on the books for $11 million this year and $12 million the next? Also: Portland has lost seven of its last eight games.

Seattle Supersonics: They held the Magic to 43 percent shooting and still lost by 16 points at home? How is that possible? Oh, they shot 35 percent themselves, thanks primarily to Kevin Durant and Wally Szczerbiak, who combined to hit only 12 of 41 shots. P.S. I think I'm falling into man love with Dwight Howard. If he gets any better, his game will cure cancer by 2014.

Fun fact: Rashard Lewis grabbed 10 rebounds last night, his first double-figure rebound game of the season! Did I mention he's 6'10"? Oh well. Kevin Durant still hasn't had a double-figure rebounding game.

Labels: Carlos Boozer, Cleveland Cavaliers, Dallas Mavericks, Jermaine O'Neal, Kyle Korver, Matt Bonner, Memphis Grizzlies, Milwaukee Bucks, readers, Seattle Supersonics, Worst of the Night