Arm Dick

Justin T sent in today's pic and noted: "The Nets aren't going to make the playoffs. Devin Harris thought they were a shoe-in. But you can't blame a man with an arm-dick." If only I had the luxury of being speechless...

The Orlando Magic: Hmm. Seems like the Magicians might be slipping into late-season "Coast Mode." At least, I hope that's the case, because it would explain their half-hearted effort in last night's 99-95 home loss to the Craptors: 40 percent shooting, outrebounded 49-35 and 15 missed free throws (11 by Dwight Howard). Said Stan Van Gundy: "You try to talk about it and warn, but we've gotten away with this kind of play in just playing the fourth quarter too many times and our guys keep thinking they can bail out the game that way and then they didn't. It's disappointing because we didn't bring a full enough effort and focus." The loss combined with Boston's double-overtime win over the Bobcats put the Magic a game behind the Celtics in the race for the East's second seed.

Chris Bosh and Jose Calderon, delusions of grandeur machines: The Craptors are 29-45 and six games out of the eighth and final Eastern Conference playoff spot...with only eight games remaining. But Chris and Jose have NOT given up. Said Bosh: "It's not over. It's not over yet. We're going to keep playing, see what happens. We still have a chance." Added Calderon: "We're in a great situation. We're just playing. We've got five (wins) in a row now and we've got to keep working until the last day." Regarding that "great situation" Jose is talking about: John Hollinger's playoff odds give them a zero percent chance of making the postseason. But don't let that get you down, guys. Follow Your Dreams. You can Reach your Goals. I'm Living Proof. Beefcake! BEEFCAKE!!!

The Detroit Pistons: No 'Sheed, who was suspended for picking his 16th tech of the season the night before. The sucking cancer that is Allen Iverson shot 1-for-8 in 17 minutes off the bench. Kwame Brown started at center and finished with more fouls/turnovers (4/2) than points/rebounds/assists (0/3/0) in 17 minutes of lacktion. Every single one of their starters had a negative plus-minus score, "led" by Antonio McDyess (-21). The end result was a 111-98 loss in New Jersey, where the Nets were only 15-22 coming into the game. I would point out that New Jersey has won only seven times in its last 24 games, but the Pistons have lost eight of 11 and are now only half a game up on the Bulls for the playoff spot numero siete...and only two games up on the Bobcats.

Said Rip Hamilton: "It's very surprising. Tonight was a game that we had to get. It was a big game and we lost. Especially when we're playing for our dear lives. It's totally different from what we're used to here. Our record is not good and we're not playing well. I can't compare this to anything else. We just have to find a way to win and it's just not happening. We have to come out and win games." Don't worry, Rip. This is all part of Joe Dumars' plan. YOU JUST HAVE TO BELIEVE. (Suckers.)

Allen Iverson, unintentionally ironic quote machine: The Not Answer -- who, as I mentioned, shot 1-for-8 last night -- said: "Time is running out and it's not getting better. Other teams are elevating their games at the right time and we're not. I'm definitely surprised by that." And yet, strangely, no one else is at this point. Especially now that you're back, Allen.

Update! I missed this one, but Wild Yams caught me up: A.I. said that he would rather walk away from the sport than come off the bench: "I'm in a position now that I've never been in my whole life. It's harder than I thought it would be. With the back injury, I have to sit out at the start, then go in, then sit again. It's tough to really get going. I take my hat off to the guys who can come off the bench and be effective. It's tough for me. I'm struggling with it. I'd rather retire before I do this again. I can't be effective playing this way. I'm not used to it. It's tough for me both mentally and physically." Allen Iverson: Putting the "MMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!" in "Team."

The Boston Celtics: Okay, what the hell's up with the Charlotte Bobcats?! Were they exposed to Gamma Rays and nobody told us about it? A night after beating the Lakers -- whom they apparently OWN by the way -- the 'Cats pushed the Celtics to double-overtime in Boston before finally succumbing to a 111-109 defeat. Crazy. And the C's pulled this one out only because Ray Allen nailed a wide open (see below) three-pointer with 2.1 seconds left in the second overtime. (Plus he drilled another triple to tie it up at the end of the first overtime.) It's crazy, because Boston outshot Charlotte 53 percent to 46 and enjoyed a 26-7 edge in free throw attempts (more on that below). But the Bobcats countered by pounding them on the offensive glass (20-11). Seriously, the Celtics probably deserved to lose this one, and they might have if not for...

Gerald Wallace: Remember when I said "see below" after noting that Ray-Ray's game-winning three was wide open? Guess who left him:


When will NBA players learn that when you're up by two, don't leave your man open for a last-second triple...especially when that man is one of the league's all-time greats from behind the arc?! Oh, Gerald, why? Said Allen: "I really didn't expect (Gerald) Wallace to leave me." No kidding. To make things even worse: Charlotte had a foul to give and didn't take it. Said Larry Brown: "We didn't handle it. We had a foul to give. We're going to smother everything -- no threes and we give up a three."

Home cookin': From the AP game notes: "The Bobcats made a franchise-low five free throws and tied a franchise low with seven attempts." In TWO overtimes? Hmmmm. I smell fish. So did Larry Brown (via Junior): "I think we may have set a record with the fewest free throws in a double-overtime game. You don't get to the free throw line and you shoot 102 shots (from the field). There is something wrong." Did Gerald Wallace feel his team got jobbed? "I think so. Especially when you're playing a team as physical as the Celtics. A double-OT game and you only take seven free throws? There's got to be something." Yeah, that "something" is Red Auerbach's ghost doing its job.

The Los Angeles Lakers: Much has been made about L.A.'s "grueling" seven-game road trip, but less has made about the fact that six of their seven opponents on the journey are below .500. Shouldn't that be a walk in the park for a presumptive NBA Finalist? They won, sure but they let the Bucks shoot almost 57 percent in the first half and Milwaukee led by a point going into the fourth quarter before the Lakers woke up a little. And even then they had to fend off a mini-rally at the end. Kobe Bryant -- who went 7-for-7 in the first half and 3-for-12 in the second -- said: "It was tough. The first three and a half quarters, something like that, it seemed like we were kind of stuck in the mud a little bit. We were able to hang in there with them and got something going." They've actually been stuck in the mud for like three and a half games...but you know, they did go 5-2 on the trip, so I'm sure everything's fine.

The Washington Wizards Generals: The Wizards Generals were down 110-107 with a little less than four ticks left on the clock, but they had possession of the ball and therefore one last chance to tie the game. Or so it seemed until Mike Conley stole Javaris Crittenton’s inbounds pass, got fouled and then knocked down two foul shots that sealed the deal. That bumble spoiled Washington's comeback from an 88-73 deficit. Said interim coach Ed Tapscott: "When we were good, we were good. When we were bad, we were bad. We were digging out of a 15-point hole coming out of the third quarter. Just a few miscues turned it around. We need to value the ball and make sure we get quality possessions. Too many times tonight we didn't, and that's why we lost the game."

Gilbert Arenas: From the AP recap: "The Wizards were without guard Gilbert Arenas, who continues to play in selected games resting his surgically repaired knee." I must now once again remind you of what Gil had to say back when he had his before-the-season knee surgery: "Why's everybody tripping out? Big picture, if I start rehabbing now and get through the pain that prevented me from running or jumping this summer, I'll be back on the court sooner. How's that a bad thing? I wasn't going to play in training camp or preseason anyway, so I don't know why it's such a big deal. They cleaned the knee out. I can't walk on it for three days. Monday I can start rehabbing. I knew this was going to happen. Dwyane Wade will probably have a debris clean-out next summer. People are making it much worse than it is." And the money shot: At 17-59, the Wizards Generals are now only a half-game up on Sacramento for the worst record in the league.

Mario Chalmers: With the Heat down by only one point in the closing seconds, Chalmers went all "Super Mario," choosing not to call timeout or give the ball to teammate and MVP candidate Dwyane Wade and instead sprinted down court and ran over Josh Howard with 2.3 seconds left. Offensive foul. Game over. Said Wade: "There was a lot of miscommunication going on. It was in between calling timeout, but we also had numbers. Some people wanted to call timeout, some others thought we had numbers, and they called an offensive foul. Tough call at that time. It went fast. If we could do it over it'd be different." Way to dance around blasting the rookie, Dwyane.

The Associated Press: Thanks to the many of you who commented or emailed about this fubar from the Heat-Mavs recap: "Miami began to pull away in the third quarter as Dallas went more than 6 months without a field goal. Even after Nowitzki ended the drought, the Heat still kept stretching the lead, getting up 62-51." Wow. That's quite the drought.

The Phoenix Suns: They shot 54 percent from the field and 50 from beyond the arc, they won the rebounding battle and -- despite missing 15 of their 35 free throw attempts -- they held on for a 114-109 home victory over the Rockets to keep their fading playoff hopes alive. Yeah. Right. The Suns are still four games behind Dallas with just seven to play. Said Jason Richardson: "We're not eliminated yet. We're going to continue to play and we still believe we have a chance." Whatever. You should have had that attitude a few nights ago when you lost to the Kings.

Alvin Gentry, motivational gimmick machine: The Suns' coach called last night's win over Houston Game 1 of an eight-game season. I kid you not. "We're 1-0 in our season. We're trying to become the first team to go undefeated in the season. Whatever Dallas does is what Dallas does. It doesn't matter to us." You've got to be kidding me. Is he going to arrange a special "Loser's Only Playoff Bracket" after his team's final, mathematical elimination?

The Los Angeles Clippers: The Hornets were without Tyson Chandler, Peja Stojakovic and James Posey, and David West was hobbling around on a sore left ankle. That's minus two starters, a sixth man, and an injured All-Star...but they still shot 53 percent from the field and won the game. The joke that is the Clippers continues. They are the Deadly Towers of NBA teams.

Kings-Warriors: While no doubt jotting down notes for his nightly lacktion report, Chris took a few minutes to document some of last night's 143-141 defenseless classic:

Grant Napear and Jerry Reynolds are covering the last seconds of an efensive battle at the Oracle between the Kings and Warriors, two teams who are firmly in the potato suck race for draft picks.

One missed free throw by Monta Ellis and the Kings now have a slim chance to tie it up, with the Warriors ahead 132-130. "Now Nellie's team is going to have to play honest defense," says one of the Kings' commentators.

But...well...the tying layup by Beno Udrih is best exemplified in these booth reactions that are best served with a face palm: "Nellie's team just let him walk right through the paint!" Yep, the home jerseys just all stood in the key watching Udrih run in for the easiest basket of his life.

"That is just PATHETIC defense by the Golden State Warriors! You gotta be kidding me! Allowing an uncontested layup with a 2 point lead with 2.9 seconds remaining? Nellie must be beside himself! Can you believe how bad this defense was? Come on now!"

To which I would say...how could Nellie be beside himself? Isn't his goal to prove that defense ISN'T required in the Association? Hard to accomplish that goal with a constantly injured roster and a lack of talent...

Oh, and just before that, Nellie had Crawford foul Kevin Martin (and send Martin to the line successfully) with a full 10 seconds remaining on the clock, while leading AND with the Kings lacking in timeouts. Gee, I wonder if that gave enough time for Udrih's heroics.

We're in OT now and K-Mart has just accrued a 50-point blue light special. Only the fifth 50-point game in Kings history since they first took that moniker in Kansas City. Nocioni just fouled out with 42 seconds left in overtime after being bowled over hard by Monta Ellis in the Kings' halfcourt. Huh?

And the Kings got a huge steal away from Monta Ellis...only to blow a 3-on-2 fastbreak with several bricks before Jason Thompson took a foul! "We're not going to take this game and make a defensive video out of it" as Napear admits the extreme entertainment value of this comedy of errors.

Udrih misses on the very last drive as the Warriors surprisingly forgot how to play efense for one possession, thus sealing the game 143-141. As fun as that was to watch, it's exceedingly obvious why the only NorCal championship in the Association occurred in an era of 8-tracks, Tower of Power, and Howard Cosell.
This was the kind of game that drives coaches crazy, and it apparently made the players a little nutty too. Jamal Crawford said it was "like Game 7 of the playoffs" (not that "Mr. Zero Career Playoff Games" would know) and Monta Ellis added: "We played great basketball, and that's why we won the game." I hope Monta never looks up "great" in the dictionary. It woud break his motor-scooting heart.

Box score madness: Okay, let me start off by saying that I sometimes get duplicate emails/comments about this or that, but I have never gotten as many duplicate submissions as I did last night over this bizarre Grant Hill box score snafu. Seriously, the first two and a half pages of my email inbox contained nothing but links and screen shots...and there were more after that. So, seriously, thanks to everybody who wrote in, because this is a doozy.

Okay. What happened? It seems that some genius behind compiling online box scores put Grant Hill -- who, as you probably know, plays for the Suns -- on Golden State's half of the Kings-Warriors box score. As a DNP-CD. For "Old Age / Lack of Talent." No, I'm not kidding.

Hill - DNP-CD

That's a screen capture of the official NBA.com box score, which has been fixed. But prior to the change, I can confirm that clicking on "G.Hill" did take you to Yahoo! box -- which hasn't been fixed -- shows that Grant scored 23 points on 10-for-13 shooting in 39 minutes off the Golden State bench...while he was doing the exact same thing as a starter for Phoenix. Amazing.

Hill Yahoo Box

Lacktion report: Chris continues to document the doings of the lacktion faction:

Raptors-Magic: Jake Voskuhl earned the Madsen-level version of his namesake stat, a 3:2 Voskuhl (fouls against rebounds), while also throwing two bricks and taking a rejection in the midst. Pops Mensah-Bonsu meanwhile fathered a +5 suck differential in 5:43 via two bricks, two fouls, and a block against -- one of the few folks this year who has scored lacktion for multiple teams! (Mensah-Bonsu also racked up a 2:0 Madsen-level Voskuhl out of all of that lacktivity.)

Pistons-Nets: When you're fighting for a playoff spot, the last thing you need is a starting center who provides non-contributions. But when Kwame Brown is your starting center for a full 16:44 after Yet Another Unnecessary Sheed Suspension After Getting T'd Up, the following must be the inevitable result: a Voskuhl of 6:3 after fouling four times, giving up the rock twice, and bricking twice against three rebounds. Did I also mention that Mr. #1 Overall himself also took a rejection?

Somewhere, Sam Bowie is thanking his lucky stars that Brown has officially become the biggest draft-lottery bust in history, allowing the former to live the rest of his life without the "worst pick evar" label he had been burdened with for so long.

Bobcats-Celtics: Cartier Martin has discovered that the best way for a bench player to game some renown is to search for lost treasure, and a 4.95 trillion no doubt could buy him a few Air Jordans. He wasn't the only rich man on the night -- in an double-overtime game no less! -- as Bill Walker became a human tribute to Red Auerbach with a tightly rolled 2.65 trillion.

Wizards-Grizzlies: Javale McGee's blocked shot and two rebounds in 2:58 wasn't enough to overcome 3 fouls for the Madsen-level 3:2 Voskuhl; also not being a hero tonight was Brendan Haywood, whose 24:04 run off the bench earned him a slight Voskuhl of 5:4 (three fouls and two giveaways with five bricks against one field goal and two boards) despite a steal and three blocks.

Rockets-Suns: Chuck Hayes dialed into the expensive world of slow DOS-based online services at the rate of 2.5 trillion a night.

Meanwhile, solar power is alive and well for at least one game, with three different lacktators to confirm victory. Stromile Swift rapidly stacked his 4:46 stint with two bricks, one foul, and a giveaway for a +4, and Alando Tucker had a +1 via brick in 2:44. More importantly, Robin Lopez grew a fire flower in a one-foul 45 second Mario, which also earned him a 1:0 Madsen-level Voskuhl! (This may be one of the few times so far that one has scored both a Mario and a Voskuhl in the same stint. Amazing.)
New York Yankees fans: This is a day late but totally worth including. Thanks to Basketbawful reader bizarro for the head's up...not that we needed more evidence that Yankees fans are douchebags. Except for those who read this site, of course.


Wild Yams, however, questions the veracity of this incident: "I dunno, it kinda looks staged to me. The only thing that makes me think it wasn't staged is that supposedly the mascot gets all upset (though it's hard to see if that's the case on the video). Lots of times they'll have staged stuff go on in the stands with the mascot and 'fans of the opposing team' (who are actually plants)." Yeah, and if you watch closely, you'll notice that Rocky lowers his head right before the guy dumps his beer...

Kile Wygle: He's the guy being referred to in this totally awesome headline: "Ohio man charged with drunken driving on bar stool." No, I'm not kidding.

Motor stool
I thought the Segway was the future of idiot non-car travel...

The full story: "Authorities in Ohio say a man has been charged with drunken driving after crashing his motorized bar stool. Police in Newark, 30 miles east of Columbus, say when they responded to a report of a crash with injuries on March 4, they found a man who had wrecked a bar stool powered by a deconstructed lawn mower. Twenty-eight-year Kile Wygle was hospitalized for minor injuries. Police say he was charged with operating a vehicle while intoxicated after he told an officer at the hospital that he had consumed 15 beers. Wygle told police his motorized bar stool can go up to 38 mph. Wygle has pleaded not guilty and has requested a jury trial."

The strangest part of this story is that, although the motorized bar stool in question was of the homemade variety, there is, in fact, a market for these things. And no, I'm still not kidding.

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29 Comments:
Blogger Junior said...
Larry Brown was complaining about the Home cooking, he said that's is dificult to win when another team take hundred of FTs and you team get only seven

Blogger chris said...
Darn, Bawful, you beat me to a Deadly Towers reference!

Blogger Wild Yams said...
If the Magic are going into "coast mode" then I think that's a fatal mistake. True, I don't see them winning the title this year no matter what happens; but they should be going all out to ensure home court advantage in the second round against Boston. Even with HCA they're going to have to play their absolute best to get past Boston, but without it I give them virtually no chance.

The Lakers, on the other hand, I think can afford to coast a bit, since their playoff position is basically secured. They're almost surely not gonna catch Cleveland for HCA in The Finals, and barring a total collapse over the next two weeks, they're almost surely not gonna get caught by either Boston or Orlando for HCA in the championship round. And LA's long since locked up the top seed in the West, so they don't have a whole lot left to be scrapping and clawing for at this point. They don't want to be as shaky as they've been lately, but I have a feeling last night's malaise was probably due in some part to it being the last game of a 7 game road trip along with it being the second night of a back to back which involved traveling from Charlotte to Milwaukee. I will say though that even though Kobe shot better last night, he still looked pretty tired.

I don't know if you saw all the brouhaha with Allen Iverson today, but he's pouting so much over coming off the bench that he's now said he'd rather retire than come off the bench next year. Somebody call the Waaambulance. Man, what a whiner! J.A. Adande has a great point over on today's Daily Dime: If Iverson truly loves the game and wants to continue playing in the world's most prestigious league, he'll understand that it's time to continue on the game's terms. He had his turn in Philadelphia, when the roster was reworked around him while the likes of Derrick Coleman, Jerry Stackhouse, Tim Thomas and Larry Hughes came and went. He won an MVP that way, took a trip to the Finals that way. The game was good to him. It put him first.

This is the time to reciprocate, to realize that sometimes you have to put others ahead of you. The Pistons had a losing record with Iverson in the starting lineup after they acquired him in a trade with the Denver Nuggets. Richard Hamilton did his stint on the bench, did it without publicly questioning his desire to continue. It's not too much to ask Iverson to do the same.


We'll see this summer how serious Iverson is about that statement, because unless he's willing to take the MLE (about $5m/yr) from some team out there, it's doubtful that Memphis, OKC or Detroit are gonna pony up big money for him to be a starter next year. His only options are gonna be to take little money to be a starter for a truly awful team, or to take little money to be a smaller part of a really good team. It's gonna be an interesting offseason, no doubt.

I gotta think that Grant Hill thing was probably some part of an April Fool's joke. At least the "old age/lack of talent" thing was, anyway. I think putting him on the Warriors was probably just a screw up.

There should probably also be a mention somewhere that in that Heat game after Chalmers ran over Josh Howard at the end of the game, Wade threw the ball the length of the floor in frustration... and didn't get a technical for it. Hmmm...

Blogger Headless Chicken said...
O I am a douchebag. Thanks for the confirmation. That Grant Hill mess, wowsers. After the NBA Boxers foundt out, they make him DNP-CD for "Old Age / Lack of Talent" that's appealing. I thought only your dad would get this.

Blogger David said...
I don't think Mario Chalmers should be blasted for what happened to the Heat last night.

That was Spoelstra's fault, and he admitted as much after the game.

As head coach, it's his job to know to signal for a timeout when a rookie PG gets the defensive rebound and the team is preparing for the final shot on the road.

Chalmers looked to the bench, expecting Spo to signal for timeout. That didn't happen, so Chalmers thought he should play on.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
How could you miss an easy "Stan Van Gundy's stimulus package" joke after mentioning his bailout quote?

That barstool is packing some serious heat, look it even has a wheelie bar! Throw on an intake, exhaust, and some V-TEC stickers!

And chris, high amounts of my man-love for mentioning Tower of Power. Squib Cakes!

Blogger chris said...
AnacondaHL: Basketbawful, that's what is hip.

What isn't? Greg Oden's, which had to be surgically worked on around the time the song came out. :P

Blogger Wild Yams said...
BTW, if anyone wants to see an example of a staged mascot-fan "melee", here's an old one between the old Sonics' mascot, Squatch, and a "Laker fan". Also, that motorized bar stool makes me think of this picture of what appears to be a guy from Alabama and his "boat".

Blogger Basketbawful said...
Junior -- You're right. I added in Larry's quote, plus one from Gerald Wallace.

Chris -- Ha! Although, to be fair, I did once reference Deadly Towers in an inflatable defender post.

Yams -- Agreed on the Magic. Now is not the time to let up. Oh, and good catch on the A.I. retirement statement...updated. And seriously, I don't see a future for A.I. in the league. Or, if there is one, it won't be pretty.

Headless Chicken -- I mean "except those who read this site."

David -- Even giving him a pass on the timeout, there's no way a rookie should think he should be taking that shot over trying to get it to Wade.

AnacondaHL -- I thought the "stimulus package" joke was Bill Simmons' thing, and I don't want to emulate him, surely. Also, I'm surprised that barstool didn't have a cooler attachment for road beers.

chris -- What's worse, he injured it playing checkers.

Blogger chris said...
Bawful: The fragility of Greg Oden actually makes it a medical miracle that he has a professional sports career right now.

And yes, I have an Intarweb source for the hip stuff:
http://joshqpublic.com/2009/02/17/greg-oden-glass/

Apparently, on google, two of the related searches for Oden include "microfracture surgery" and "knee." ouch!

Blogger Andrei said...
Bawful, I think I might have an answer to how the Bobcats managed to beat the Lakers and give the Celtics a run for their money. It's not X-rays, it's shame.

Last week I detailed the end of the Bobcats-Generals game as one of the worst 2 minutes of basketball I have ever seen. After that god-awful loss, the Cats ripped off a three game winning streak and gave the Celtics all they could handle. The Cats were just atoning for their disgusting display from last week.

The Generals however kept up their losing ways and managed to lose a game due to an inability to inbound the ball. As I pointed out last week, they had something like 3 turnovers on inbound plays against the Bobcats. How does that even happen to a "professional" team?

Anonymous DKH said...
Oddities from the Suns box score:
Amundson managed a +19 score (team high!) in 16 minutes despite missing all of his shots and not getting any free throws.

Also, both backup point guards were atrocious, with Dragic "earning" a -13 in 19 minutes and Lowry ending his stint on the floor at -12. Both somehow managed PT/FGA ratios of 1.

============

Also would like to record my annoyance with UA's (supposed) choice for a new head coach. Tim Floyd? Seems to me he's been pretty mediocre in 4 season as USC's head coach. He's not an up-and-comer; he's not an established great. He's supposedly a "great recruiter," but how much of that has to do with being in Los Angeles? And I thought he had recruiting violations following him around. Bad time to be a basketball fan in Arizona.

Anonymous AK Dave said...
You had me at "Arm-dick" today.

Blogger Junior said...
And about your little conversation about Wilt heart and everything

I think the idea that it was too small for him absurd, since he played Basketball for more than 20 years in great shape, if this was true he would face problems during his role career, not only in the end of his life during his "crapiest" years

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Could it have been that the Grant Hill thing was just a really horrible, inappropriate April Fool's joke?

Blogger Buck Nasty said...
In sticking with sticklering: 'luxury', not 'luxery'. I admit I had to look it up myself.

Under Detriot: 'games', not 'game'

Under Allen Iverson: 'especially', not 'expecially'

Under Alvin Gentry: I kid you not, not I kid you 'now'

You were a bit off today McHale. Watch out for that. Or else.

On a serious note, Alvin Gentry and his eight game season should have been a 15 game season, and maybe the Suns would have played enough defense to be in the eighth or even seventh seed instead of outside the playoffs.

What is the maximum length of a made up, shortened season? Could he have told them that it was a new, 40 game season at the all-star break, when he took over?

Blogger BadDave said...
What - his box score note or his injury-riddled career?

Blogger Buck Nasty said...
As a man from Alabama, and an Alabama fan, I'd like to point out that the picture linked earlier was photoshopped. That was probably a homeless man who was mentally ill. If you look at the hat, the lighting is not conducive to.......aww hell it's photoshop, whatever.

OpenID Ben said...
I'm still debating whether to laugh at the stat screw-up with Grant Hill, pretty ridiculous and amazing at the same time.

Blogger Jon said...
re: chris bosh, jose calderon


ANYTHING IS POSSIBLLLLLLLLEEEE!!!!!

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
No, Bawful. Stimulus package jokes aren't Bill Simmons's thing. They're everybody's thing. (Yes, the linked video is probably NSFW, as it contains fake depictions of bad pornography. But the porn industry did request their own stimulus package)

Devin...devin...

Blogger Kevin said...
As a Raptors fan, even if by some miracle we make it to the playoffs, the Raptors will be nothing as more than the free bread they give you before LBJ and the Cavs settle in for the full meal that is the playoffs.

Much rather hope for a potential lottery pick than get easily swept by LeBron in the first round.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
I find it interesting that every team that has beaten the Lakers this season except Orlando has lost their very next game after beating LA.

Blogger Glenn said...
My friend showed me the Grant Hill box score last night. At first I didn't notice it and I was laughing at all of the Warriors' DNP players. But then I saw the Hill line and LMAO.

--GCII

Anonymous grifter_tm said...
Didn't Allen burn the Bobcats twice last year with a three (one was the same shot from the corner, 'xcept it was on the other side)?

Anonymous Ruben said...
I remember a few years back Robert Horry also had a "DNP old-age". I wonder if the person who did it got into trouble. It would be a great way if you wanted to quit your job.

Anonymous AK Dave said...
Nice post, Statbuster-

Chris Anderson is shamed for life. He was only 2 blocks and 3 measly points away from a dirty triple double- the REAL Birdman would have blocked Carlos Boozer and then done a brainbuster and a swan dive off the turnbuckle to finish him off. CA- you FAIL.

As for the old player jokes, I have an idea- we should start the Dikembe Mutombo Challenge: we pick a month and a year when we think he will retire, and the winner gets something cool, like some bonus bawful bucks or a chance to post something or a hearty internet slap-on-the-back. I'm guessing he'll be around until mid-season next year; I'll say February 2010.

Also a WoTN nomination goes to Charles Barkley, who was talking all that junk about how "The Cav's ah gunna weein this game. The wizuds ah turrible, Ernie."

Actually, you can't tell me that a healthy Haywood, Arenas, Butler, Jamison &co doesn't sound like a strong team on paper. I hope they get their stuff together- they're a likeable group and they had success (except vs LeBron in the playoffs) before they became the MASH unit of this season.

Feliz Viernes a todos!!

Blogger starang said...
The mascot was clearly angry. Did you see the emotion on his mask? Not a happy Rocky.

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