I'm blatantly stealing this from theangryt.com
and their list of the worst sports related video games of all time, but this is too good not to post here, as this is definitely the height of Basketbawfulness. Before today I'd never even heard of four of these games (Shaq-Fu being the lone exception, cause who hasn't heard of that?), but these games have everything. From crime fighting using a basketball, to playing basketball in the future using robots, to using "neo-shekels" to purchase "relics from the days of b-ball" like a Reebok sweatband, these games left no basketball stone unturned. These all come from an era in sports marketing thankfully forgotten (or sorely missed for the unintentional comedy, you decide), in which sports stars would allow their names to be attached to horrendous video games, even if they had little to do with their sport. Since I've never played any of these, here are the five worst NBA video games, in no particular order:Shaq-Fu
- We're probably all somewhat familiar with this one: a bad Street Fighter II rip-off in which Shaq goes mano-a-mano using his "Shaq-Fu" to kill one baddie at a time. From the Wikipedia page
for the game: "In the game's storyline, O'Neal wanders into a kung fu dojo while heading to a heavily emphasized charity basketball game in Tokyo, Japan. There, he stumbles into another dimension, where he is forced to rescue a young boy named Nezu from the evil mummy Sett-Ra."
Also from the Wikipedia page: "Shaq Fu is often cited as one of the worst video games of all time."
Hey, if it's on Wikipedia, it must be true, and that's why it's included here.Slam City with Scottie Pippen
- Unfortunately I can't find any clips of the actual game being played, there's just the below video of the game's intro which bears an awful lot of resemblance to the opening credits to In Living Color
, complete with the Fly Girls. Wikipedia
points out the following about this game: "A unique highlight in Scottie Pippen's career is that he himself performed the theme song for the game."Bill Laimbeer's Combat Basketball
- I really wish I could have been there when they came up with the idea for this game, cause whatever they were smoking was clearly some good stuff. Here's the setting
: "The game predicts a science-fiction version of the year 2030 in which there are only robot basketball players (excluding Bill Laimbeer). Basketball teams play in gruelling league matches where new players are bought and sold (like in the Premier League of English soccer). Within this future, basketball uses a dedicated robot to perform the toss up at the start of each match as referees had been fired by Bill Laimbeer sometime prior to the year 2030. As a result, players now wear armor to their games and weapons are thrown from the audience."
So the idea for the game is that Bill Laimbeer effectively killed basketball? Odd he'd want to attach his name to such a game.Barkley, Shut Up and Jam: Gaiden
- And you thought the premise of the last game was weird? Check this out
: "The game takes place in a post-cyberpocalyptic New York called 'Neo New York', after a 'chaos dunk' causes the death of millions.Twelve years prior to the game, Charles Barkley, in an attempt to impress his son Hoopz Barkley, performs a Chaos Dunk -- and inadvertently kills almost everyone present. As a result, basketball was made illegal and nearly all great players were killed in 'The Great B-Ball Purge of 2041' (a.k.a 'B-Ballnacht').In 2053, another Chaos Dunk rocks Manhattan, killing fifteen million, and the blame falls on Charles, who is believed to be the only human capable of performing the Chaos Dunk. With the help of the Ultimate Hellbane, Charles escapes his pursuers: the B-Ball Removal Department, led by ex-NBA all-star Michael Jordan. Charles follows Ultimate Hellbane through the B-Ball Catacombs to the tomb of LeBron James, discovering that the Ultimate Hellbane is actually Balthios - the Octoroon great grandson of LeBron James. James contacts Charles from the B-ball dimension, offering him a warning which tells him to 'seek the Cyberdwarf.'"
And that's just the beginning. The plot summary goes on forever and just gets weirder and weirder. Here's a look at the game play:Michael Jordan: Chaos in the Windy City
- Fairly pedestrian in comparison to that last game, this one simply featured Jordan roaming the streets of Chicago using a basketball to fight crime. Here's the full description
: "The game played much like other 2D platformers of its time, collecting keys and defeating enemies with a variety of different techniques. The player controls Michael Jordan on a quest to save the rest of the players for an All-Star charity game, who have all been kidnapped. The player attacks enemies using different basketballs, each with its own ability; for example, the freeze ball can freeze the ground and create a slippery surface, the bomb ball makes a large explosion, and so on. The player must find keys throughout the game to unlock different doors and rescue teammates. Michael can also slam dunk for a secondary attack. This is also used to activate powerup baskets and various checkpoints along the way."
Note that like Shaq-Fu, this game makes sure to mention a charity basketball game. I'm guessing the inclusion of said charity games was a stipulation for allowing the game makers to use Jordan's and Shaq's names on these games.