Friday-001

The Philadelphia 76ers: I suppose that their playoff spot is reasonably secure, owing to the fact that they're in the East and the teams behind them are at least as incompetent as they are...if not more so. Maybe that's why they shambled through the first half of their home game against the Bobcats like Romero-style zombies. Through the first two quarters, the Sixers shot 36 percent, got outrebounded 27-12 and fell behind by 50-33 by the halftime buzzer (thanks in no large part to that brutal 10-point second quarter). They made a run, of course. Who doesn't? But it was too little, too late, and I couldn't help but think: Wasn't this the team that was supposed to challenge Boston for supremacy over the Eastern Conference this season? Oh well. At least they have four more years (and $66 million) worth of Elton Brand!

The Milwaukee Bucks: Their 110-94 drubbing in Orlando was Milwaukee's fourth straight loss, and it put them four games behind both Chicago and Detroit for the East's final playoff spot with nine games left. Translation: They're postseason hopes are deader than the main villain in a Steven Segal movie. Speaking of which, according to his official Web site, Segal is "an accomplished actor, musician, martial artist, and philanthropist." In the Philanthropy section, Segal says he feels that "the world that has been bestowed upon us -- natural beauty and gifts from our land." It's hard to imagine something so hippie coming out of the mouth of somebody who's best known for ripping out the spine of opposing martial artists in mortal combat.

J.J. Redick, quote machine: Marcin Gortat put an exlamation point on Orlando's victory over the Bucks by throwing down an alley-oop from Redick in the fourth quarter, leading J.J. to quip: "I'm surprised he jumped. He's been known to jump as high as a phone book on dunk attempts."

The Oklahoma City Thunder: After their 112-96 blowout loss to the Raptors in Toronto, the Thunder fell to 2-5 since Kevin Durant returned from injury. This, of course, followed a stretch in which they had gone 5-2 without him. I understand they've had some hard games, but still.

The New Orleans Hornets and James Posey: HoopBlah explains:

James Posey's performance Friday night in MSG against the New York D'Antoni's was nothing short of WotW worthy.

In the midst of digging themselves from a seven-point halftime lead into a 12-point hole, the Hornets' 6th man decided to take over the game by putting the ball in his own hands...then, chucking it in the general vicinity of referee Gary Zielinski's NBA-issue, um, black shoes.

The Auto Parts King whistled him for a loose ball foul, prompting "Pose" to execute the toss. He was then tossed on just one technical, which is itself deserving of an honorary Voskuhl.

Al Harrington thinks that's a boneheaded play.

The Hornets folded in the 4th, and Posey drew a 1-game suspension, meaning he misses Sunday's game vs. the Spurs.

Perhaps even better than the ejection was Posey's explanation for the tantrum: the old "if-I-had-shot-him-he'd-be-dead" defense.

"It was a bounce pass that hit his foot that came back to me," Posey said. "It goes on a lot at games, guys giving the ball back to the ref, and like I said, if I was to throw it at him, I think I've got better aim than that."

Really? So it wasn't Posey who shot 4-for-29 from 3-point land in his last 8 games, and 15-for-57 overall? I suppose I could be mistaking him for a number of players on the Hornets' sucktastic bench.

It's great to see this gritty, tough-nosed, 2-time NBA champion keep his composure for a struggling squad, especially with two injured starters (Stojakovic and Chandler), don't you think?
I do think. Hey, remember, it was the Basketbawful gang that started this "Posey sucks!" chant at the United Center a few years back. Anyway, check out the video and you'll see that, unless you spent the weekend playing Whac-A-Mole with your head, Posey's "bounce pass that hit his foot" excuse falls right below "Forest Gump" on the retarded scale.


Nate Robinson versus Chris Paul: Not exactly Rocky versus Drago. Heck, it's not even Austin Powers versus Mini Me.


Memo to Nate and Chris: Leave being tough guys to the tough guys.

Nate Robinson, cliche machine: After the Knicks beat the Hornets, Krypto-Nate said: "Both teams played hard." Otherwise known as Basketball Post-game Cliche Number 17, right between "We believe in ourselves" and "This MVP award belongs to the whole team."

LeBron James, huge, flapping vajayjay, Part I: Jason "Seldom Used" Collins had the gall to lay his dirty, mortal hands on King James, and King James doesn't like that: "It was borderline dirty. That's not part of the game. Hard fouls are a part of the game. That was a little bit overboard. Was he going for the ball? No. Was he trying to get in a position to take a charge? No. He was making sure I had nothing to do with a basketball play." In related news, LeBron plans to donate his eggs to a local fertility clinic. Here's the video:


OH MY GOD THAT'S SO HORRIBLE. Can we throw Collins into some sort of maximum security prison alongside villains like Dr. Doom, the Joker and all those AIG execs who got the huge bonuses? Of course, Collins had a few words to say in his own defense: "He was a little off balance when he was driving to the basket and I was just trying to wrap him up so he wasn't going to explode to the rim like he normally does for a dunk or a layup or an and one. He just fell awkwardly." Added Wolves coach Kevin "I miss the days when I could clothesline Kurt Rambis" McHale: "Most flagrant fouls, usually the fall determines kind of whether or not (a flagrant foul is called). It looked like he crumbled pretty hard." Crumbled pretty hard? I like it.

The New Jersey Nets: According to the AP recap, Kobe "tossed up an air ball with his first shot, sprained his right ankle and finished 5-for-19 from the field." That didn't prevent the Nets from dropping their third game in a row and falling even further out of playoff contention. They are now 19-34 since Devin Harris said: "We knew we were going to be a playoff team." Current standing: 12th in the East.

The New Jersey fans: Another fickle home crowd brought out the "M-V-P" chant for Kobe Bryant, despite the lousy shooting. But I guess after a few years of watching Vince Carter, 5-for-19 probably does seem MVP chant-worthy.

The Atlanta Hawks: They Dirty Birds followed up their 10-point home loss to the Tim Duncan-less Spurs with a 99-93 home loss to the Kevin Garnett-less Celtics, who were also without Leon Powe, Tony Allen and Brian Scalabrine. And who plucked their feathers? Glen "Big Baby" Davis, who scored 19 points and matched a career-high by pulling down 12 boards. Plus he bumped and banged and beat people for loose balls...you know, all the stuff that it takes to, you know, win games. Said Hawks coach Mike Woodson: "Glen Davis was huge tonight, and we had nothing to stop him. I don't think that beat us, but the hustle in itself did. They banged a little harder than we did and they hustled a lot harder than we did."

The Hawks have now lost three of four, with those losses coming against the Crabs, Spurs and Celtics, the last two of which (as I mentioned) happened in Atlanta.

The Los Angeles Clippers: Baron Davis was out (flu-like symptoms!) and then Marcus Camby sprained his ankle early in the first quarter. (X-rays were negative, but of course he's expected to miss the next one to two weeks.) So the Clippers immediately went into "They Are Who We Thought They Were" mode, falling behind by 20 in the first quarter, 24 in the second and 27 in the third when Gregg Popovich started clearing the bench. Said Mike Dunleavy: "They just make shots at such a high percentage. They always seem to find the open guy." Better put that one in your playbook, coach. Fun fact: The Spurs lead their all-time series with The Other L.A. Team 107-28. Ouch.

Reality check: The Clippers rank 29th out of 30 in salary, ahead of only the Grizzlies.

The Sacramento Kings: An 18-point home loss to the Memphis Grizzlies. It was the Baby Bears' first victory in Sacramento in 11 years. Somebody needs to go to Tom Ziller's house and remove all prescription medication and any sharp objects, just to be safe.

Lactivity report: Chris spent his Friday tracking lacktion for you. Remember: Tips aren't required, but they are appreciated.

Bucks-Magic: Tyronn Lue was released from the humidor tonight for a 2:58 stint as human victory cigar, and gave Shaq's Least Favorite Coach In The History Of The Universe a suck differential of +2 via block against and brick. He wasn't the only marginally productive member of the Magic, as Tony Battie's singular assist in 15:43 could not circumvent a Madsen-level Voskuhl of 3:2 (fouls against two boards and two bricks).

Bobcats-Sixers: Charlotte's Cartier Martin charted a comatose course through the court tonight, tossing a brick from downtown for a +1 suck differential in 3:51. Donyell Marshall gave the Sixers a +2 in 3:18 via a missed three and a foul.

Wolves-Cavs: Tarence Kinsey sharpened his claws tonight and scratched off a 1.25 trillion ticket for the Crabs, continuing to build up his reputation as a first-name basis lacktator in the same vein as Jake and Mario!

Lakers-Nets: While Josh Powell filled 4:50 with a +3 comprised of a foul, giveaway, and brick (also good for a 2:0 Voskuhl), the real story on the Lakers bench was Phil Jackson's latest human victory cigar, Shannon Brown. Apparently Mr. Brown wanted win his way to Samus Aran's heart, as he blasted out a 15-second Mario.

Meanwhile, Chris Douglas-Roberts has become the only player of note on the Vinsomniac Nets, spending 4:52 on the court by giving up the ball twice and fouling once for a +3.

Celtics-Hawks: Solomon Jones wisely added to his savings account tonight with a 5.3 trillion.

Clippers-Spurs: Marcus Camby is not credited with a near-three trillion, due to injury.

Nuggets-Mavs: Yay, Johan Petro got starting time, 12:20 to be exact. So he promptly tried to be productive with a block and a board. That's nice - but five fouls, one giveaway, and one brick later...he ended up with a rather vehement Voskuhl of 6:1! Petro's teammate Renaldo Balkman bought into his role as George Karl's lacktator of the evening, going +3 in 11:51 through fouls (and nothing else).
Saturday-001

The Washington Wizards Generals: Agent Zero was back! Unfortunately, the only thing that changed for the Wizards Generals was that Agent Zero was back. They still lost at home to the Pistons to maintain their conference-worst record. But at least there was some drama to their inevitable defeat. As the AP recap put it: "With the Washington Wizards trailing by two and 4.5 seconds remaining, Gilbert Arenas missed a free throw but chased down the rebound. He whirled in the corner -- rushing himself a bit, to be honest -- and put up a three-pointer that could have won the game against the Detroit Pistons. Alas, the ball barely made it out of his hands. Former Wizards flop Kwame Brown, of all people, blocked the shot. Agent Zero threw up his hands asking for a foul as he landed on his rump, but he knew that the official had made the correct no-call. The comeback game would end without his perfect ending." Feel free to watch Dr. Brown's ego-ectomy of Arenas. The train wreck begins at the 2:07 mark.


Eddy Curry: E-House is back! If you consider 1 rebound and 3 fouls in two minutes and 20 seconds of lacktion "back." More lolz from the AP recap: "[The Knicks] got little from center Eddy Curry in his return. Coach Mike D'Antoni said he wanted to have Curry, a disappointment with the Knicks, play his first game away from the pressure of Madison Square Garden. But Curry appeared a long way from game shape, lumbering up the floor and getting called for three fouls in two second-quarter minutes. That included shoving Okafor to the floor to prevent a layup after getting beat down the court." Man, I've missed him.

Mike D'Antoni, dramatic understatement machine: Regarding Chicken Curry's not-so-fab return to lacktion: "There's no way two or three half practices that after a year you can come in and everybody has played a whole season at the top of their game he'll be able to contribute. He's not superhuman." Oh, thanks for that observation, Mike. 'Cause, see, I thought Eddy flew in for the game after arm-wrestling the Hulk into submission.

The Milwaukee Bucks: Their surge to the playoffs continued with a 102-85 loss to the Heat in Miami, their fifth straight defeat and the eighth in their last 10 games. I now regret wasting that Steven Segal reference on them in Friday's entry.

Anna Kournikova: According to the Bucks-Heat recap: "Retired tennis star Anna Kournikova was among those in the crowd." I love that her greatest individual accomplishment was being named ESPN's "Hottest Female Athlete" in 2002 and yet she'll forever be known as "tennis star Anna Kournikova." Meanwhile, no one will call me "El Conquistador" just because the Spanish already conquered the Aztec Empire hundreds of years ago. How's that fair?

The Los Angeles Clippers: Do you supposed that the Associated Press keeps a mad-lib-style headline prepared for all Clippers games? Something like "[Insert player name] leads [Insert team name] to easy win over Clippers"? Sounds about right, I think. So Saturday's headline was "Yao leads Rockets to easy win over Clippers." Mike Dunleavy, whom I'm convinced has turned his coaching duties over to a random cliche generator, said: "Houston gives themselves a chance to win every night because they are good defensively and they rebound. They have a good mix of players and it should be a good formula for playoff basketball." Somebody run this guy through a metal detector, quick. He's not human. Random fact: The Clips have lost 11 of their last 12 road games.

The Phoenix Suns: Captain James T. Kirk once said: "I take it the odds are against us and the situation is grim. Sounds like fun." Shortly after saying that, the good captain died. Such, it seems, is the fate of the 2008-09 Phoenix Suns, who dropped 104-99 overtime decision to the Jazz in Utah. The Suns actually rallied back from a 21-point third quarter deficit, but that only highlights the fact that they fell behind by 21 points in a must-win game. I'm telling you right now: Phoenix has no chance of making the playoffs this season. I don't care what John Hollinger says: Their playoff odds are officially zero.

The Memphis Grizzlies: They followed up their blowout win in Sacramento by scoring only 66 points -- their lowest point total of the season -- in a blowout loss to the Trail Blazers in Portland. But, like I said above, they do have the lowest payroll in the Association, so cut 'em some slack. The Grizz have have lost 10 of their last 12 games.

Lacktivity report: Chris comes through again. Remember what I said about the tips.

Pacers-Bulls: Maceo Baston took a brush and basted his 2:26 of lacktivity with a buttery missed field goal and giveaway for a +2 suck differential.

And while not scoring a Voskuhl or any lacktivity tonight, Roy Hibbert's four-rejection performance is reminiscent of the experience most awkward teenagers deal with in high school before the Christmas dance.

Knicks-Bobcats: Eddy Curry tried to spice up his 2:20 with a rebound, only to find himself scoring a 3:1 Voskuhl via fouls!

On the home team's end of things, Larry Brown got to light up two human victory cigars tonight. Juwan Howard took a foul for a +1 in 2:12, while Cartier Martin traveled through the Mushroom Kingdom during his 21 second Mario!

Bucks-Heat: Damon Jones' ability to lack it up in the playoffs is well documented, but he hasn't been as consistent in non-contribution during the regular season. But at Miami, he bricked twice from downtown in 3:17 for a +2. Fellow Milwaukee baller Francisco Elson keyed up a bit of a Voskuhl in 15:07, going 4:3 (three fouls and a giveaway against one field goal and one rebound).

Yakhouba Diawara was firmly attached to the bench tonight, forcing the Heat to seek out new sources of somnambulance. Chris Quinn had one mighty turnover for a +1 in 2:16.

Clippers-Rockets: James White had a non-descript +1 in 4:29 via brick.

Warriors-Nuggets: Stephen Jackson reloaded his financial arsenal with a 1.7 trillion.
Sunday-001

Mark Cuban: Not only did he have $250,000 siphoned out of his wallet for blasting NBA officials via Twitter, he then Twittered about his Twitter-related fines. According to his Twitter feed, "can't say no one makes money from twitter now. the nba does" and "how much fun would it be if it could twitter whatever i wanted during mavs game. Fun, but expensive :)." Yes, that's a smiley face emoticon.

Oh, and if you want to waste some time you'll never get back and go through Mark's recent Twittercisms, you'll see him get into a little dispute with NBA FanHouse and Red's Army over whether they have the right to quote his public Twittering. Only Mark Cuban could broadcast his thoughts to the world and then get grumpy when the world quotes him.

On the bright side, Mark won't be facing an additional fines, considering his team couldn't blame the officiating for today's loss...

The Dallas Mavericks: After building a 15-point lead in the fist half, the Mavericks went on to...lose by 28?! Yup. And that was Cleveland's largest margin of victory in 56 games. The Mavs were apparently replaced by traffic cones in Dallas jerseys a second-quarter timeout, because Dallas got outscored 30-11 in the third quarter, 55-25 in the second half and -- waaaaaaait for it -- 82-39 after the 10:13 mark of the second quarter. Epic offensive fail.

Cuba face down

Jason Kidd: Basketbawful reader Anfernee pointed out this little gem: "Jason Kidd, who missed Dallas' previous game with a sore back, had nine points, eight assists and seven rebounds. Kidd also volunteered to guard James, his U.S. Olympic teammate, in the first half and later wondered if it was a bad idea. 'He almost had a triple-double in the first half, so I don't know how much that worked,' Kidd said." Epic defensive fail.

Cuba face down

Rick Carlisle: He let an aging point guard with an ailing back guard LeBron freaking James because said point guard volunteered to do it. Epic coaching fail.

Cuba face down

LeBron James, huge, flapping vajayjay, Part II: The mighty King Crab, who routinely rumbles through defenders the way a bowling ball would rip through toilet paper, got dropped by a collision with official Derek Richardson. And while Richardson popped right back up...LeBron -- who's 6'8" and weighs at least 260 pounds -- spent some quality time on the hardwood with the wind knocked out of him. Watch:


Said the Crab Dribbler: "I just lost my breath. It don't matter how big you are, if somebody catches you and you're running full speed like that ... I just stayed down and tried to catch my breath." Ahem.

The Chicago Bulls: Typically, it's a bad sign when you're trying to hold onto a playoff spot and the second-worst team in your shoots 54 percent and (according to the game recap) sets a new franchise record for points in a game. Oh, and Jose Calderon had a career-high 19 assists, marking the second time in as many games the Bulls surrendered a career-high. (Pacers rookie Brandon Rush set a personal best with 29 points against them on Saturday.)

Vinny Del Negro, Four-star General Obvious: From Shayan of Mediocre Forever: "Okay, so here's the situation: Bulls up by one in overtime, with 29 seconds to play. Bosh drives in, misses his lay-up attempt, but is the first one off the ground and tips in his own miss, getting fouled at the same time. Converts the free throw, Raps up by 2 with 15 seconds to go. It ended up being the game-winning play, and Vinny Del Negro offered this insight after the game: 'That three-point play was really a big, big play.'" That sound you just heard was the Dull-Negro meter EXPLODING.

Terrell Owens: Everybody's favorite NFL cancer was courtside for the Bulls-Raptors game. He somehow snuck in a giant bag of popcorn and -- this was so totally awesome -- had it confiscated by a female usher, who couldn't have cared less who T.O. was. Nameless Toronto Raptors usher lady, you are my new hero. Bonus fun: Watch this video of Hitler's reaction to the Bills picking up the T.O. tab.

The Los Angeles Lakers: It's not like the Hawks were on fire or anything -- they scored 86 points on 39 percent shooting. It's just that the Lakers were worse: 76 points, 35 percent field goal "accuracy" and as many turnovers as assists (14). It was L.A.'s lowest-scoring game of the season. Pau Gasol, the only Laker who could see the rim (7-for-10), said: "I don't know exactly why we're so out of whack and why we were missing so much. It was just a weird game, not recognizing how to attack them when they were switching." It might have had something to do with...

Kobe Bryant: Mamba followed up his 14-point, 5-for-19 performance against the Nets with a 17-point, 7-for-19 stinker against the Hawks. You can blame a gimpy ankle and an upset tummy for transforming Mr. MVP into Vince Carter.

The New Jersey Nets: Just when you thought the Nets couldn't possibly sink any lower, they fall 108-99 at home to...the Minnesota Timberwolves, who began the day losers of seven of their last seven games. That's like dying three times on world 1-1 of the original Super Mario Bros. Said Vince Carter: "It's just unacceptable. We feel like we're very capable of being in the playoffs and this was an opportunity to jump start us into accomplishing that and, you know, we took a step back." Added Lawrence Frank: "It's just very, very disappointing, obviously knowing what's at stake, that we couldn't put forth a better defensive effort than what we did." New Jersey is now 19-35 since Devin Harris said: "We knew we were going to be a playoff team." Current standing: 12th in the East, five games out of eighth.

Mark Madsen: From the AP game notes: "Wolves F Mark Madsen got some rare early action in the first period, but picked up three fouls in less than 2 minutes and quickly returned to the bench." Way to take advantage of the PT, Mark.

The Oklahoma City Thunder: They capped a winless weekend with their second straight blowout loss, this time a 103-84 defeat to the Kevin Garnett-less Celtics in Boston. That makes them 2-6 since Kevin Durant -- who shot 6-for-15 and finished with more fouls (4) and turnovers (2) than rebounds (2) and assists (2) -- returned from injury. Oh, and for the record, KD also lit a fire under Glen Davis. Durant delivered a Karl Malone-style elbow smash that opened up a 10-stitch gash in Baby's head. Davis returned to score 15 points in the final 10 minutes as the Celtics ran away with the game.

Doc Rivers, quote machine: Regarding Baby's post-injury scoring explosion: "I'm going to have somebody knock some sense into him, like they did. Clearly, once they hit him he was a different person. So, either someone else on the other team, or I'm going to carry a hammer around."

Paul Pierce, quote machine: Regarding Baby's injury itself: "Baby's a bleeder. I don't know what's going on with him. I just know that if we ever get into it, I know where to hit him."

Gilbert Arenas, bad prediction machine: Remember how Mr. Zero claimed that pre-season knee surgery was no big deal and then proceeded to miss most of the season? Yeah. Well, this is what Gil had to say after Kwame freaking Brown stuffed his return on Saturday: "I'm going to think about that the whole way to Indiana. I should've called a timeout, or I should've just drove the lane off the rebound, but that's what happened. We've got to live with it. ... Just had a mental block." Yeah, well, Arenas got a little extra time to think about it when Wizards Generals coach Ed Tapscott held him out of Sunday's game against the Pacers so Gilber could "allow his surgically repaired left knee more time to rest." More time?! Hasn't he had, like, 73 games to rest it?

The Washington Wizards Generals: As an aside, the Wizards Generals lost 124-115 to the Pacers in Indy. They bonked 9 free throws in the 9-point loss. Oh, and according to the AP game notes: "Washington has the second-worst record in the NBA and is the only Eastern Conference team already eliminated from playoff contention."

The San Antonio Spurs: So...Tim Duncan, Tony Parker and Manu Ginobili were all playing AND they limited the struggling Hornets to 37 percent shooting...and lost anyway? Yeah, well, that's yet another reason I just don't feel very good about San Antonio's chances in the playoffs. By the way, the ending to this game was a little crazy. The Hornets were up by 7 with about 30 seconds left when the Spurs hit a couple threes (by Manu and Michael Finley), the second of which was set up off a Hornets TO off a busted inbounds play. That put New Orleans up by only a point. Chris Paul knew the Spurs were going to have to foul him, so he launched a three as Ginobili delivered the hit so he could get three FTs instead of two. CP3 made all three 'throws with 7.1 seconds left and that was the game. Said David West: "He told the ref before, like, 'Look man, I'm going to shoot the ball if they come in and foul me.' It's a tricky play to make, but he knows how to be in the act of shooting when those guys are coming to make sure he gets those extra free throws."

The Phoenix Suns: They lost a must-win game to the worst team in the league. Let me repeat that for effect, using all caps: THEY LOST A MUST-WIN GAME TO THE WORST TEAM IN THE LEAGUE. That's...that's like dying three times at the first Goomba by falling into the first hole in world 1-1 of the original Super Mario Bros. What. The. Hell. Said Steve Nash: "There's some emotional hangover (with Utah loss) and we're tired, but we've still got to dig down and find a way to get it done. No disrespect for that young team, but we weren't playing the Lakers or the Celtics. We laid an egg, it was very frustrating."

Photobucket
The Suns' Season.
Thanks to Wild Yams for that link.

Shaq: From Clifton: "The Great Shaq-ovic went 6-for-15 at the charity stripe vs. the Kings tonight as the Suns lost by 8. I guess they 'didn't matter' tonight. Now, I know the complete and utter lack of defense by the Suns didn't help, but I, as I'm sure Bawful will be as well, am just sayin'. Captcha: 'splat.' No, I'm not kidding. That's also the sound the Suns' faint playoff hopes made tonight."

Lactivity report: Chris continues his labors, despite the lack of tips. (Hint, hint.)

Lakers-Hawks: Solomon Jones continues his keen decision making for Atlanta with a 2.25 trillion!

Nets-Wolves: Mark Madsen got a not-so-Madsen-level Voskuhl of 4:0 in 3:17 via three fouls and a giveaway! And with the lack of shot attempts or boards, this was also good for a +4 suck differential.

He wasn't the only member of McFail's Navy to sink against the currents of contribution, as Jason Collins put up one of the aforementioned Madsen-level Voskuhls in 23:07 -- a ratio of 6:5 via three fouls and three giveaways against two made field goals and a board.

Sixers-Pistons: Donyell Marshall scored a brick from downtown as well as a foul for +2 in 3:24.

Wizards-Pacers: Josh McRoberts earned a King Koopa action figure in his happy meal tonight, garnering a 23-second Mario.

Spurs-Hornets: Kurt Thomas had three rebounds and a steal in 17:25, only to negate that with a particularly large Voskuhl of 6:3 via five fouls, one giveaway and a brick. Also commemorating bad big man play was Melvin Ely, spending 2:23 on the floor with a brick and foul for a 2:0 Voskuhl, good enough for a +2 suck differential as well.

Suns-Kings: As the Suns fail to take advantage of the Mavs' recent slump - losing in the California capitol of bad basketball - Alando Tucker baked two bricks, once from the Denny's at J and Third Streets, for a +2 in 4:13. And Robin Lopez has responded to his non-selection to the All-Lacktion Team with well-executed avoidance of clutch play, earning a Madsen-level Voskuhl of 1:0 via brick, foul, and rejection. This also notched him a +3 in 2:44.

Calvin Booth was dialed in tonight for the purple paupers with three fouls in 4:21, enough to give him a 3:1 Voskuhl against one solitary board.
Tax cheats: Year after year, I feel like a schmuck for filing an honest tax return, especially when I read stories like the one about the lady who tried to deduct a tricked-out hot tub with "underwater speakers, mood lighting and an in-tub stereo" for medical reasons. Then there was the lady who donated $40,000 worth of her ex-husband's worldly belongings -- otherwise known as "everything he owned" -- and then wrote it off without getting audited. And I happen to know about a guy who makes around $80K per year playing online poker and declares exactly $0 of it. I can only hope that something large and violent rises from the sea and eats these people.

Labels:

26 Comments:
Blogger Junior said...
"Both Teams PLayed Hard" reminds me of Rasheed post-game interview after losing to the Lakers where he only aswered the question with that

Anonymous Dan B. said...
(Speaking of Steven Seagal, if you haven't read this book, consider it your homework assignment for this week. If you don't, Seagal will come to your house, break your arm, knock out your teeth, and throw you through a window.)

I can't get over how horrendous that Phoenix loss really was. The Super Mario Bros first level reference was the best analogy possible. The only other contender is possibly managing to kill yourself in the tutorial period outside of the castle on Mario 64 before you even get to the first level.

By the way, Chris and I were musing about this the other night on the phone... anyone else remember when the Mavericks were the next big thing? Whatever happened to that? Maybe Cuban should go Twitter about it?

Anonymous CaptainHomeless said...
Glen Davis was huge tonight

... when is he not?

Blogger Junior said...
And by the way, it wasn't Finley in that 3 in the end of the game, it was Roger Mason

Blogger Basketbawful said...
Dan B. -- Huh. I wonder if they have that book at my local libr...BWAHAHAHAHA! Yeah, I'll have to buy it.

CaptainHomeless -- Good point.

Junior -- I was pretty sure I saw Finley hit that three, but just to be sure, I checked the official play-by-play. It was, indeed, Finley.

Blogger Wild Yams said...
Mr. Bawful, here's an image to aptly describe the failure of the Suns yesterday. Use it wisely.

Did the Basketbawful crew really start that "Posey sucks" chant? If so, were you real conflicted when he joined the Celtics last year? If so, were you more conflicted than or when the Celtics signed Starbury this year?

LeBron James is really acting like a big wuss for a guy his size. Maybe Dwyane Wade should explain his whole "fall down seven times, get up eight" thing to him.

Kobe Bryant is not the Lakers' problem right now. Oh wait, yes he is. At least any lingering debate about who's the MVP this year is effectively over. Check yesterday's box score from that Hawks-Lakers game and look at the shooting for the starters and two things should jump out at you: that Pau Gasol was the only starter to shoot better than 36% from the field, and that Pau attempted the least number of shots. Yep, Trevor Ariza, Lamar Odom and Derek Fisher all took more shots than Pau (and it goes w/o saying that Kobe did), and those three guys finished the day shooting 27%, 21% & 27%, respectively (Kobe shot 36%). Pau, meanwhile was 7/10. I'm thinking maybe the Lakers should have passed the big guy the ball every now and then, what do you think?

I don't know whose return I'm more excited about: Gilbert Arenas or Eddy Curry. The reason I don't know is cause I'm not excited about either of them. Welcome back guys, you weren't missed.

I thought you might enjoy this bit on yesterday's Suns-Kings fiasco from today's Daily Dime: "Sacramento got a stunning 60 points from its frontline of Jason Thompson (21), Spencer Hawes (20 and 10 boards) and Andres Nocioni (19). Shaquille O'Neal, meanwhile, offset his 24 points and nine boards with nine missed free throws, unable to live up to the O'NEALOVIC jersey he was handed before tip-off by Aleksandar Stojanovic of the RTS network in Serbia, who was in town for Vlade Divac's forthcoming jersey retirement Tuesday night."

Way to make em when they count, Shaqovic O'Nealovic.

Blogger Junior said...
Yeah, bawful to me because Mason did a 0-4 from the floor yesterday and I mistaken him with Finley wacthing the reprise of Sportscenter this morning


and Arenas said he will only play games in Washigton or in other words, he will only play 3 more games util the end of the season and said that he will do this to get rythm and game shape
Now reminds me, how 3 games can help him get in game shape for the next season?

Blogger Basketbawful said...
Yams -- Yes, me, Evil Ted, Statbuster and Mr. P were able to start several "Posey sucks!" chants during that game. It was one of our greatest accomplishments, and Steve Kerr even commented on the chant during the live telecast. (I cut that game to DVD just for that reason.)

As for Pau, you're absolutely right. Dude is crazy hot, and has been since he joined the team. He shot almost 60 percent in 27 games for them last season and he's hitting 57 percent of his shots this season. It kind of reminds me of this famous Kevin McHale quote. Danny Ainge asked Kevin why he didn't pass the ball more, and he said: "Danny, I'm shooting 60 percent from the field this season. You're shooting 45 percent. Who do YOU think should be taking the shots?"

I think P-Jax needs to run more of the offense through Pau, even though that's not his M.O.

The worst thing about Shaq is you just KNOW that at some point during the offseason he's going to point to his stats and be all like, "See? I wasn't the problem."

Here's another weird quirk about the Suns' demise: Do you realize how rarely people are noting that they don't have Amare for this stretch run?

Junior -- You officially get a Worst of the Weekend. ;)

As for Agent Zero -- now plain zero -- I would guess this is just a bone he's throwing to the fans, the organization and his teammates. Too little, too late, though.

Blogger Wild Yams said...
Nice Running Man reference there, SeƱor Bawful :)

Blogger dunkfu said...
I would like to nominate the cocky pre and post game choreographed performances by the Cleveland Cavaliers.

http://sports.espn.go.com/broadband/video/clip?id=4025477&categoryid=2459789

If that had been Kobe and the Lakers you guys would have destroyed them (rightfully so) to no end. It's only right you do the same to Lebron and co.

Anonymous JJ said...
you got to include grant hill butter fingers.. he lost the ball out of bounds with phoenix up to in regulation.

both teams palyed hard my man

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BrOH-KHxXg0

classic sheed, god bless and good night

Anonymous Anonymous said...
@dunkfu

yea, the crabs pre game show off is extremely annoying - i think these guys spend most of the team practices learning new choreographies.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
The Suns loss was like, dying to the first guard in Goldeneye 64 on Dam. On Agent level difficulty.

Still waiting for the small "o" next to the team names.

Blogger Wild Yams said...
Speaking of suspicious tax declarations, a guy I know years ago used to work for Sony, and as such had access to huge employee discounts for all Sony products, so he concocted a pretty interesting scam. What he did was he told everyone he knew that he could buy them Sony products for cheap, but they had to give him cash for them; then he would take that cash and he would in turn buy the products on his Sony card (usually something like $20K+ of purchases a year). Then come tax season he'd write all of those purchases off for himself as "business expenses". It wasn't a happy ending for him though, as he later got audited by the IRS and ended up having to pay a huge amount of money in back taxes.

I'd like to chime in my agreement on the above statement about how silly/irritating the Crabs' pretend photo shoot sessions are. They're gonna look even sillier doing that in the postseason if they don't end up winning.

Blogger Junior said...
And besides the awful game by Durant, he gets a ego-ectonomy from Perkins:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3fN90Ukb03I

Anonymous DKH said...
Regarding the Cavs pre-game activities: it's not so much that I mind the activities, I just don't think they should be given so much attention from the news services. But the players are having fun and entertaining their fans, and I think that's a good thing.

Regarding LeBron James running over the ref: Maybe you're being facetious, but I wouldn't really consider that flopping. Considering the combined weight of James plus the ref, plus the fact that James was running and took all that weight in the form of a shoulder to his chest...I don't blame him for spending time on the floor.

As for Jason Kidd's first half defense, James was 2 of 10 on field goals in the first half, with 3 block against (from what I can tell from ESPN's play-by-play). This may be more attributable to help defense than Kidd, but I think that's pretty inefficient. James's near triple double came from assists (i.e. other players' men were scoring) and free throws (Kidd did not foul James in the first half).

Anonymous Anonymous said...
i'd like to nominate this for man love - calderon fisting bosh's chest at the end of the bulls/raptors game recap: (at 2:25)

http://www.nba.com/video/games/raptors/2009/03/29/nba_chi_tor_0020801094_recap.nba/index.html?ls=gt1hp0020801094

Anonymous ak dave said...
I just want to say that Nate Robinson would wipe the fucking court with Chris Paul if they were to actually throw down. That's why CP3 was back-pedaling and hoping a teammate would jump in. Notice how the ref got there before any of his teammates? Everybody was just kinda slowly walking towards him, no big rush- it's only the team leader and superstar getting into a fight he's going to lose... They didn't want any part of Nate either, I'm telling you, he's a little thug.

In fact, I would take Nate Robinson in a street fight over 95% of the NBA. He is a little wolverine, man, small but strong, quick, and mean.

Blogger HoopBlah said...
The Crabs' pre-game intros just flat out aren't all that spectacular. Not enough to warrant their own segment on every SportsCenter when LBJ plays. Then again, considering the prices ESPN can charge to fellate BronBron, dude's got to get his money's worth. Rosin ain't cheap.

Anonymous Ruben said...
@ Junior-- "He looks like Michael Finley to me!"

Anonymous tony.bluntana said...
Yo. Did anyone see Trevor Ariza's KBA with 8:30 left in the 3rd quarter of their game against the Hawks?

It was beautiful. I don't even think he hit the rim. Then, it was non-other than Kobe Bryant who put back the rebound.

A KBA to KB!! It really is where Amazing happens.

Blogger shayan said...
"That's like dying three times on world 1-1 of the original Super Mario Bros." LMAO!!!!!!!

Blogger Austen said...
I agree with JJ: Grant Hill deserves special Worst of the Weekend consideration for 3 notable screw-ups in clutch time:

1. Fumbling the ball out-of-bounds with the Suns up by 2 and 25 seconds to go. Granted, it's Barnes' fault for screwing up and throwing him the ball in the first place (no one was expecting such a stupid pass), but he was the one that fumbled it and gave Utah the chance to tie the game and take it to OT.

2. Fouling Andrei Kirlenko on that 3 point shot in OT to give him the 4-point play that pretty much gave the Jazz the momentum to win the OT. Kirlenko's shot has been notoriously bad this season, so why Hill felt the need to foul in him in the first place is beyond me.

3. With the Suns needing a 2-pointer to tie the game in OT towards the end, Hill took a fairly wide-open mid-range jumper and missed it badly. Ronnie Brewer got the rebound and that was the ballgame.

Also, I'm a lifelong Jazz fan, but even I have to give a Worst of the Weekend to my team for completing screwing-over an easy win like Saturday's. They went from being UP by 21 early in the 3rd to being DOWN by 7 going into the final 2 minutes. And if it wasn't for the usual clutch-ness of Deron Williams they would have lost. And by the way, Brevin Knight should have any right to backup PG stripped away now, because that Phoenix run was on his watch. The Jazz just couldn't get anything done with him on the floor.

Blogger Austen said...
Correction: I meant to say "Dudley" instead of "Barnes" in that response above.

Blogger jdp said...
On the Suns loss/video game fail thread: I had a friend who gave up on playing Resident Evil 2 after he couldn't find the police station.......to be fair to him thinking games weren't his strong suit.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
nba players i would take over nate: jason maxiell, stephen jackson, dennis rodman (todays version), kendrick perkns and the whole detroit badboys

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