Mike Dunleavy could use these words of advice from The Big Motivator
(h/t Big Bad Carter AKA Greg)

We're bringing the double-team on you again this weekend. I've got the top half, and Chris has written up our game previews.

It's Super Bowl weekend! I just don't really care all that much. I want to not like Indianapolis, but it's hard to not like Peyton Manning. And I didn't really care about the Saints before this season, but they're a fun team and it'd be nice to see them win the Super Bowl too. There needs to be a more good/evil type of game for the Super Bowl to really be interesting in my opinion. Or if the Steelers are playing.

Okay, maybe I should clarify so I don't sound like a crappy bandwagon fan. I'm not from Pittsburgh, I've never been there, I don't really care that much about the city itself. However, I am a Steelers fan. My dad became a Steelers fan during the Steel Curtain era 70s, and therefore I was raised watching them. Watching all of those games with my dad... it became our team. I even somehow survived the Kordell Stewart era, but it wasn't easy (Thank God I was too young to remember the Bubby Brister era). Also, coincidentally, I'm also a Pittsburgh Penguins fan. In their case, I already liked the energetic, exciting team in the 1999-2000 area, but I totally bandwagoned on when Mario Lemieux came out of retirement. It's hard not to root for one of the absolute best players ever coming back from cancer, right? I even stuck by them through the Dark Ages of Lemieux injuries and people like Milan Kraft, Randy Robitaille, and Dan Focht playing significant minutes. It was a black hole of failure and sadness the likes of which I hadn't seen since each and every Detroit Lions season in the past decade or five. (Thank God for Crosby, Malkin, Fleury, Staal, Talbot, etc)

But, uh, anyway... go Colts and/or Saints!

Planning on driving to a Super Bowl party this weekend? Better check the weather before hitting the road. Pressed for time and need just a quick summary? Family Guy fans should use this site. Thanks, Ollie.

Mike Dumbleavy Memorial:
It is a time of mourning here at Basketbawful. As noted in the Worst of the Night, Mike Dunleavy has agreed to step down as head coach of the Clippers. While we are ecstatic that he will continue to be the General Manager, and therefore likely to follow some of the trade advice offered in our Bad Trades feature, we are deeply saddened that we will no longer see him on the sidelines. Looking sad, looking angry, looking confused, looking confused some more, and looking confused again for good measure provided golden opportunity for photographic evidence of the failure of the Clippers. We need to honor this. Please help us find all the best Dunleavy pictures we can get. Post them in the comments, or you may e-mail them to Bawful or to me. Next week, we will post a special pictorial retrospective of Dunleavey's coaching career with The Other L.A. Team.

Bawful Trade of the Day:
Lots of trades because it's the weekend, and also because it'd be just mean to only share one per day.
Trade #1
Here's a four-team painfest from reader Mike T:
Crabs (+5 wins) receive: Boozer and Okur
Jazz (-11 wins) receive: Bonner, Nash, Robin Lopez
Suns (-6 wins) receive: Shaq, Ginobili
Spurs (-7 wins) receive: Amar'''''e
"I wanted to send Boozer to Cleveland, Shaq to Phoenix, Amar'eee to San Antonio and Ginobili to Phoenix since all of those fan bases have reason to hate the player they are acquiring. In the process I was also able to send 3 white guys to Utah. I was amazed that this was successful."
So wrong, yet so right. Great bad trade, Mike T.

Trade #2
Stockton contributed this gem, which I like almost as much as his namesake:
Bricks (+9 wins) receive: Devin Harris, Brook Lopez, Tony Battie, Chairman Yi, and Bobby Simmons
Nyets (-9 wins) receive: Eddy Curry, Cuttino Mobley, Darko Milicic, and Jordan Hill
"Nets projected to win less 9 with this trade. This would means they would finish with a 82/-1 record or something?"
Close. They'll alter the schedule so the Nyets can play a bunch of extra games against the Globetrotters or a local high school team or something just so they can validate taking on Eddy Curry's obscenely huge contract.

Trade #3
Alex brings us a whitewash:
Pacers (-27 wins) receive: Korver, Ridnour, Alexander, Gadzuric, and four trade exceptions
Bucks (+3 wins) receive: Ford, Granger, Price, Koufos
Jazz (+4 wins) receive: Solomon Jones, Dahntay Jones, Dorell Wright, Hibbert, Cook
Heat (-2 wins) receive: Rush, Watson, Head
"it took a little effort, but i was not only able to make the pacers a team made of only non-international white guys, but also made them 10 wins worse. so proud."
I'm proud of you, too.

Bonus trade #1
In a last-second entry before I finished this post, Wolfe delivered pure gold:
Hawks (-1 win) receive: Steve Novak, Darnell Jackson, Fabricio Oberto, Cedric Jackson, Sebastian Telfair, Ricky Davis
Crabs (+0 wins)receive Jason Collins
BUllets (+0 wins) receive Maurice Evans
Clippers (+0 wins) receive Mike Bibby
"It would let the Hawks to start next line up:

G: Cedric "Lacktion II: Electric Boogaloo" Jackson
SG: Mario West
SF: Steve Novak
PF: Darnell Lacktion Jackson
C: Faboulous Fabricio Oberto

Coach: Chris.

I'd rather prefer to form this team on the Clippers, but you can't trade Mario, and you must have Mario in a real Most-Lacktator-ever team."
Hard to argue with that.

Bonus trade #2
Basketbawful reader Kevin King shares this gem (sorry, no link to the trade):
Washington Bullets: (+2 wins) receive: Andre Miller, Vanilla Godzilla

Boston Celtics: (+7 wins) receive: Greg Oden, Martell Webster (who?) (I tried to put in Roy, but it kept coming up as a trade fail, even the Trade Machine isn't that stupid)

Portland FrailBlazers: (-18 wins) receive: Gilbert Arenas, Javaris Crittenton, Rasheed Wallace, Brian Scalabrine (becaue we all want to see a pasty white guy hang out with real thugs)

"Wallace can teach a new generation (Arenas/Crittenton) how to handle their pro basketball careers while still having constant run-ins with the law. P.S. Losing two players that don't even play anymore has somehow given the Bullets two more wins on the season."
No offense Portland fans (I enjoy watching your team, seriously), but the rebirth of the Jail Blazers is hard to pass up. And I'm not exactly sure how Greg Oden's prehistoric knees help Boston, but I'm just going to assume Hollinger's advanced metrics are screwing us again. Fair assumption? Fair assumption.

Bonus trade #3
In honor of the Clippers losing head coach Mike Dunleavy to give him more free time to screw up the team with bad trades and free agency signings, here's a trade suggestion from, well, me.
Clippers (-11 wins) receive: Adam Morrison, Sasha Vujacic, DJ Mbenga, Luke Walton, Eddy Curry, Chris Duhon, and Darko Milicic
Lakers (+6 wins) receive: Blake Griffin, Marcus Camby, Eric Gordon, and a trade exception
Bricks( +8 wins) receive: Chris Kaman and Baron Davis.
This seems logical to Mike Dunleavy, right?

Worst of the Night in Pictures:

"Damnit! My Rogaine regimen isn't working!"

"You hit a 3, Little Buddy? Aww! That's so cute!"

Sad D-Wade is sad. :(

The Big Respect Machine

A Darnell "Lacktion" Jackson sighting! A rare find.

Now I'll hand it off to Chris for the game previews...

Nationally Televised Friday Games:
Bulls-Hawks: The Bulls are rapidly becoming the bipolar team of the month - they have trouble with bawful teams (as evidenced with The Comeback and with those losses to the Nyets and Clippers), but look great against over-500 squads. So this should play right into Vinnie Smallz's hands!

Nuggets-Lakers: If Lord Mamba chooses to play hurt for this game, could we see another SWAC-worthy 5-point performance like the one he dropped on the Bobcats?

All The Other Friday Games:
Bullets-Magic: Even if the illusionists from Orlando aren't entirely convincing as contenders, a visit from the beleaguered Beltway dwellers should provide a ho-hum addition to the win column.

Pistons-Pacers: Hey everybody, it's the highly unanticipated rematch of the two squads from the Malice at the Palace. Possibly the Bawful Game Of The Night by default, though certainly a great choice for curing insomnia.

Nyets-Celtics: The Truth, like KG, is the latest to qualify for Medicare in Beantown...but how can anyone tell when they're coming up against a team showing fewer signs of life than Jimmy Hoffa?

BTW, since Devin Harris's infamous stat curse, the ruble-rousers are now 27-84 (meaning they have lost more games than an entire season's worth of ball in that timespan!). I would be far from shocked if it was 24-85 after this visit to the TDGaaahden.

Bucks-Knicks: Milwaukee's 13 games under .500 on the road, but the Knicks are two games under .500 at MSG. Something's gotta give...I think.

Rockets-Grizzlies: Z-Bo, All-Star...has the Grizzlies matching Houston's hobbled record so far, so that 75% winning percentage at FedEx Forum should bode well for the man who has graduated out of the Basketbawful banner.

Sixers-Hornets: Even without CP3, I doubt the Cancer's new "devotion to team play" will change the fact that this game was probably decided the moment Elton Brand cashed his first bloated paycheck.

Wolves-Mavs: Remember when everyone predicted that the Timberpoops would be right up with the Nyets for record-setting bawful? With Minnesota amazingly making it to 11 wins so far, I guess Coach Clothesline can accomplish a few small miracles once in a while.

Suns-Kings: So let me guess, the Paupers will lead by 15 at the half, then go down by 10 with 2 minutes to go with the help of Mr. Discount Store's recurring blue light special for masonry...then have Tyreke the Freak lead them to another two-point loss? It's not like the month and a quarter since The Comeback has provided anything different.

Nationally Televised Saturday Games:
Heat-Bulls: Two teams who cannot decide if they are good or not will match up in a battle to prove which one is more mediocre! D-Wade and Derrick Rose must really be loving the Leastern Conference right about now...

All The Other Saturday Games:
Hornets-Bobcats: George Shinn will be in attendance, right? Ahem, guess not.

Hawks-Bullets: The dirty birds won't have to worry too much if they're going to be riddled by mostly blanks and paintballs in the Phonebooth.

Knicks-Crabs: So now the 'bockers are going to go to the Q and audition themselves once again for King Crab, and this time with the ENDORSEMENT OF ZEKE HIMSELF! What, they couldn't have called up someone with a more positive legacy to sell Manhattan to Bron-Bron, someone like Big Snacks or Allan Houston's contract?

Nyets-Pistons: Hey, Oakland County might be the one place where the Nyets have some hope of winning...just as folks at Mat's alma mater had hope he was the next Big Voskuhl! Yeah.

Grizzlies-Wolves: With the baby cubs in the midst of a playoff push, Z-Bo must love the chance to feast on such sucktacularity in Minneapolis.

Sixers-Rockets: In the highly unanticipated battle of Teams Charles Barkley Used To Play For, the chances of Clutch the Bear doing a victory jig are slightly higher than the chances that Clutch's "rejected fan wedding proposal" video was staged!

Pacers-Bucks: It's a matchup that screams "Mid-Market 1970s" doesn't it?

Nuggets-Jazz: Ever since Dan declared the Jazz as one of the bipolar teams in the Association, well...they've gotten hot, and they've won 75% of their home games, so Melo and Chauncey will have it a bit tough at the EnergySolutions Arena.

Lakers-Frail Blazers: So far, the Frail Blazers seeming secret to success is to continue racking up the medical bills while putting in an increasingly aging set of bench players (I'm talking about you, Juwan Howard) back into the fray. With Kobe still not at 100%, the Rose Garden may yet again be a thorn in the side of Phil Jackson.

Spurs-Clippers: Before Dumbleavy's self-dismissal as coach, this matchup would have resembled a coaching battle between Einstein and a stick. Now, with Kim Hughes coming in to save the day for Staples Center's third tenant...well...I think the analogy still applies, doesn't it? Who of average-to-above-average mind would voluntarily coach the Clippers anyway?

Thunder-Warriors: Just like Brandon Jennings earlier this year, Kevin Durant has an opportunity here to set personal scoring records, what with the residents of The Oracle being allergic to protecting their own backcourt due to their Nellieball infections.

Nationally Televised Sunday Games:
Magic-Celtics: So The Truth supposedly wants to be back in the fold by this game...but with he and KG amongst others finding their creaky bones not up to snuff for the rigors of professional basketball, Pumaman won't even have to learn a new post move to rack up the points in the paint!

All The Other Sunday Games:
Kings-Raptors: Canada may still be tangentially attached to royalty, but Mr. Discount Store crying for foul calls hardly resembles Henry the VIII's marriage denunciations.

Labels: , ,

Blogger Will said...
here's some dunleavy-on-dunleavy manlove.

Anonymous kazam92 said...
4 sport fan? I cannot do that. I've tried to like baseball and hockey but it just doesn't grasp me. I watch Tennis over those two

Blogger Dan B. said...
kazam92 -- I bowl (kinda sorta competitively on a small time basis) and watch pro bowling on TV, and (attempt to) play golf and watch pro golf on TV. I watch basketball (pro and college), football (pro only for the most part), hockey, baseball (don't watch much baseball during the regular season though), auto racing, and boxing. Holy crap, that's a lot of damn sports.

Blogger chris in van said...

please god make this happen. it's just too bawful to be true though, right?

Anonymous CaptainHomeless said...
Here is my entry for a supremely Bawful Trade. The goal was to remove the best player and franchise centerpiece from arguably the three best teams in the league, and stick them someplace terrible from a publicity standpoint.


Gains the Charlotte Bobcats -- a team with pitiful attendance and massive financial problems, stuck in a tiny market where no one cares about them -- some amazing star power ... but somehow only nine more wins. Despite that fact, I suspect the six Bobcats fans out there are thinking "Yes, please."

Reunites Shaq with LA and costs them 11 wins in the process.

Absolutely devastates the Cavaliers in all ways.

And somehow improves Orlando by one game!

Anonymous Anonymous said...
i became a steeler fan BECAUSE of kordell stewart and jerome bettis :D no, really, the very first game i watched (i'm from europe) was steelers-ravens the season after ravens won the SB. and steelers lost because of some missed field goals, i felt sorry for them and became a fan. (not knowning about team's history etc. + i got to hate the patriots from the beginning, because they defeated steelers in AFC champ.game that year on the way to their first title)

can you imagine that if that very first game i saw was a lions game, i'd be their fan now. that's some serious (boris) bullet dodging. or maybe nuke dodging

sorry for the long, non-nba related post, i was bored :)

Blogger Dan B. said...
Anonymous -- Wow. Well, I guess at least you didn't become a Ravens fan instead.

Blogger chris said...
chris in van. - if that happens...well, the question is, WHY HASN'T IT HAPPENED YET?

Using Sterling Logic, Zeke is such damaged goods that he wouldn't demand a salary greater than minimum wage, so...he must be the front-runner for the job now.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
The Nyets are up by 4 at halftime. In Boston. What in the world...?

Blogger chris said...
Dan B.: Let's see...what sports do I follow the most?

Hockey, basketball, auto racing, snooker (that British cue sport that probably few Bawful readers have ever heard of or will ever hear of)...I pay attention to the other major sports in the US when I can (football, baseball) but probably the first two dominate my viewing time.

I also watch bowling when I'm awake on a Sunday and you tell me it's on. ;)

But hey, we can get into more random sports too. Remember Extreme Dodgeball on GSN, and our desire to become professional spectators for that, um, "sport?" :D

Anonymous Anonymous said...
I'll be rooting for the Colts. New Orleans needs the morale boost, the city has suffered and Drew Brees is a little guy, and I like rooting for the little guy.

But if the Saints winning the title means that I have to endure the slobbering over Kim Kardashian, I may officially quit as a sports fan. They've taken gold digging down to the sewer.

I still have Khloe Kardashian as the number one reason the Lakers don't repeat....

Blogger Dan B. said...
Chris -- However, even we couldn't get into Dookieball. That's just wrong.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
chris, i watch snooker, but usually only when R.O'Sullivan is on, i drop everything and just install myself infront of tv. snooker is fantastic, i am really amazed when players start building those big breakes, it seems effortless (p.s. i'm not british :)

Anonymous Ric Drywall said...
Stumbled across this Yahoo! Sports article (by way of NBA.com, apparently), making the case that "Shaq inside has made a big difference for Cavs"


Makes some fairly convincing arguments, and it *does* seem like the negative comments about the Big Creaky here on Basketbawful have been diminishing.

I dunno… what do you, the viewers at home think?

Blogger Will said...
If you scroll down three rows past Dunleavy, there is someone chris would like.

Anonymous Bryan said...
Behold: http://games.espn.go.com/nba/tradeMachine?tradeId=yksnvld

Lebron, Chairman Yi, Brook Lopez to the lakers. Nets "aquire" the machine. Cavs pick up Luke Walton, Ron Artest, and AMMO. I can't imagine a more ridiculous trade.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
Nets still up by one at the end of the 3rd!

First lead on the road after the third quarter since December in Chicago! (their only road win)

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
Nets down 87-96, chucking up threes with time running down, missing obviously, but when Boston finally secured the rebound, a little wishful thinking by the YES scorekeeper, eh?

Anonymous Baal said...
just watched the ending of the nets celtics game... just so i can consider myself a witness... has there ever been a more boring 5 point game? I mean it never really looked as if they could win it and still it looked somewhat close... now the experts celebrate Ray Allen getting his groove back...
by the way: missing 6 straight 3 pointers in less then minute to close out the game has to be some kind of record...

Blogger Andrei said...
Well the Nyets went to lose the games, but keeping them in the game does not bode well for the Celtics playoff chances. It was lucky that the Nyets felt sorry for the Celtics and donated a basket to them with Brook Lopez scoring on his own basket in the 3rd quarter. Seeing that made my day. In this crazy world you can count on few things, but you can count on the Nyets to soar to new heights of suckitude.

In other news the Magic lost to the Wizards. The game came down to who would suck more the whole, terrible Wizards team or Vince Carter. Carter came out on top as he bricked shot after shot trying to recapture the lead and was used by Caron Butler as a turnstyle on his way to a jam that gave the Wizards the lead with a minute left. Carter is currently on my fantasy team and I'm giving serious thought to a trade of Carter for a hot dump in my mouth. God that guy sucks.

Anonymous Alex said...
A trade offering: http://games.espn.go.com/nba/tradeMachine?tradeId=yh96f5k

The Suns upgrade their Griffin/Lopez combo! (assuming Blake ever walks again after his proximity to the Clippers). Sadly, Grant Hill and Channing Frye have to go to LA, where Hill will probably break something getting off the plane. And Hollinger thinks that exchanging Lopez's will gain the Nets 8 wins. Bawful indeed.

Blogger Unknown said...

I nominate Shane Battiers "porn 'stache" which he is committed to growing till the Rockets get out of their funk.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
Andrei: I feel ya man. I got Carter's crappy crap on my team too. Thankfully, I drafted well and my team is awesome. So awesome, I dropped Ben Gordon for Brandon Rush, the last weak link on the team.

I mean, occasionally he stat stuffs for 17 pts, 7-15, 2 3ptrs, 10 reb, 7 ast, 1 stl, 1 blk, so I really hope he's saving for a playoff seeding push. Uggh.

Blogger chris said...
Anonymous: So how did you discover Ronnie the Rocket and the rest of the snooker scene? I know with me, I had heard of it thanks to pool video games, but really started following the sport thanks to Youtube clips.

Andrei: Hey, the Geritol-ready C's might be one squad the Kings CAN beat! someday.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
A really good read, Malik Rose, 6 keys to defense: "...while Zach Randolph was "the best in the league at getting his own miss"..."


Anonymous Ric Drywall said...
Can it be…? The Timberpups are on a 3-game winning streak!! Which puts them only 2 games back from Gol_en State now… I wonder if Coach Nelson and his Weary Warriors are worried about becoming the new worst team in the West?

Blogger chris said...
Here's my attempt at creating a Null-Star frontcourt of Novak and McGuire, sending Hibachi to the Other LA Team in response!

AMAZINGLY, Gilbert's presence would make the Clippers ten wins worse than they already are?!?!?!

Blogger chris said...
Speaking of going Null-Star, how about having the Clippers get the Lacktion Brothers, Jawad Williams, JaVale McGee, Fabricio Oberto, AND Dominic McGuire in a 14 person trade that sends Camby to Cleveland and B-Dizzle to the Bullets!?!??!

Blogger chris said...
So Pat Riley says that 2005 was worth all the pain afterwards, right? Well here's a move to make if you want to continue that pain (and then sneak back into the coaching ranks via forced "exhaustion" on Spoelstra's part)!

Blogger chris said...
Here's a hot mess - 16 player deal that sends The Drain to the swamp north of Rahway, Pau Gasol to Miami, and Yakhouba Diawara amongst others to the Lakers!!!!

The Nyets gain a win, while Miami loses 7 and the Lakers lose 9.

Blogger chris said...
Fifteen players with Maggette heading to Chicago, Monta Ellis to Denver, and a lot more mediocrity to East Oakland, resulting in a net projection of 12 fewer wins for Don Nelson!!!!

Blogger chris said...
Amazingly, according to the Trade Machine, sending Devin "We Knew We'd Be A Playoff Team" Harris to the Rockets, with Houston giving up Aaron Brooks, Kyle Lowry, Joey "Worst PER In The League" Dorsey and Brian "0.0 Second Stint!" Cook...

makes Houston prone to FOURTEEN fewer wins!??!?!?!

Blogger chris said...
BTW, belatedly, but rather obviously...

Wolfe: 100% approval of that null-star, lacktion-heavy deal. If ONLY the Hawks' management were as incompetent as their down-the-office-hallway neighbor Don Waddell of the NHL Thrashers...

Anonymous Geert said...
Considering trade #3, the Indiana non-international whitewash isn't totally non-international because Gadzuric is Dutch. Gotta stand up for my fellow countrymen, even if they hardly play.

Blogger chris said...
From the Sactownroyalty postgame thread...

EPIC video clip of Hilton Armstrong attempting a steal with 2 seconds left in a blowout loss at home to Phoenix last night. See, the purple paupers know exactly when to start playing hard!

Anonymous LACK said...
Hey guys look at this trade:


Nuggets get a super-team set of players in LeBron James, Kevin Durant, Dwayne Wade, and Kyle Weaver's 31.0 PER!

Cavaliers get Kenyon Martin, OKC gets Renaldo Balkman, and the Hornets get all of the Nuggets' benchwarmers plus J.R. Smith.

The Nuggets get +13 wins, the Cavs get -8, the Thunder get -17, and the Hornets get -13.

This is some really wishful thinking from a Nuggets' fan...

Anonymous RT said...
On that "The Big Respect Machine" pic, you see how thick Shaq's midsole is? Maybe that's the kind of cushioning Yao Ming needs to help keep him on the court.

Anonymous mguard said...
i feel like it goes without saying that the starbury photo ends up on worst of the weekend. i mean wow!

Blogger matt said...
Check this one out:


I figure the Hawks wouldn't be able to pass up moving a known SWAC in crawford to get the lacktion jackson twins even if it means they have to part with zaza "superstar" pachulia. http://api.ning.com/files/1uifLWOMLzftfXtv9j8YfHBcZY9We2gD1g8hR7esix4_/HaWKs_Pachulia_wallpaper.jpg

Oh yeah. And that Lebron guy added as a throw-in is pretty decent too.

Blogger chris said...
Tee hee, NorthMass offers his animated take on how Big Shot Chauncey lived up to that moniker on Figueroa Street last night!

Blogger Failgoat said...
...maybe I should clarify so I don't sound like a crappy bandwagon fan. I'm not from Pittsburgh, I've never been there, I don't really care that much about the city itself. However, I am a Steelers fan. My dad became a Steelers fan during the Steel Curtain era 70s, and therefore I was raised watching them.

That's the definition of a bandwagon fan.

Blogger chris said...
Robut M. Nixon: Well, tell me this. He lives in a city without any major league sports franchises, because the NBA chose the Pacers over the financially-stronger Louisville Colonels in the '76 ABA merger.

So is there really a specific set of teams that Dan has to pick from here?

Anonymous Anonymous said...
I'm first timer, so be gentle:


The best part? Thirteen more wins still doesn't get Gol_en State into the playoffs.

chris - There's got to be a local PBA guy to follow, right?

Anonymous Anonymous said...
oh lordie... if isiah thomas becomes part of the clippers organization, it will be so basketbawful that my head would asplode

Blogger chris said...
So apparently David Stern really, REALLY, REALLY wants a labor impasse in 2011.


In a battle of a union of rich ballers, vs. a group of rich owners who have no problem moving franchises after taking advantage of fans...

how do you root against them both and still want the Association to exist for the purpose of giving lacktators well-deserved opportunities to be "doin' work"?!

Blogger chris said...
Leo: Can we send Donald Sterling our letter of reccomendation?

Blogger chris said...
The Warriors waive Speedy Claxton, thus raising the question again how Speedy continues to gain any employment in the Association this decade.

Anonymous Ray said...
... There will be a moment in time, when i'll stuff a basketball in gasol's mouth ... Every friggin' time, he's doing a move he's screaming like a little girl ...

Will it ever stop ? ... *rolleyes*

Blogger chris said...
Oh SNAP. Reno Bighorns vs. Rio Grande Valley Vipers on Versus. Yes, D-League on TV WHOA WHOA

"Hottest ticket in town" due to $1 hot dogs!!!!! wow!!!!!


blowing my mind there!!!

Ahh, Joey Dorsey, he of the absolute worst PER in the Association, is a D-League All-Star.

Michael Harris wearing a ROCKETS shirt instead of his D-League team's schwag. LOL.

Blogger chris said...
How the D-League rulez:

Versus commentators just mentioned they asked an assistant coach when the last time a practice was held. Assistant coach said...he couldn't remember.

Next stop in the Cancer's career?!

Anonymous NarSARSsist said...
Too late. In all likelihood, both parties will be screwed. Kobe will probably tweak something against Denver tonight, and not play against Portland, who subsequently loses to the Mamba-less Lakers.
My prophecy came true! Excuse me while I go pat myself on the back.

Blogger chris said...
More D-League notes (I got back from dinner and turned the game on again) to munch on (pun intended as you'll see)...

- Due to $1 Food Night, attendance is up to a healthy 5743, which is the THIRD LARGEST EVER CROWD AT STATE FARM ARENA! (And if you're wondering, that's about the same size as the town the arena is located in, Hidalgo, Texas...and no, that is NOT a sellout crowd. Not even 60% full.)

- One TURRIBLE possession occurred midway in the 4th when Reno lost the ball at halfcourt...and two of their players refused to run back to their own end of the floor and just stood there while Rio Grande Valley had the EASY fastbreak!

- Also, the commentators mentioned that Mark Madsen is no longer available to lack it up in the Association as...he now serves as an assistant coach for the D-League Utah Flash!!!!

- Some guy on the Reno roster, Rod Benson, who has been in the D-League for years...apparently has his own clothing line? I'm sure the demand for D-Leaguer clothes is as ravenous as the production rate for Starbury merchandise in Macau.

Blogger Basketbawful said...
My prophecy came true! Excuse me while I go pat myself on the back.

Jesus Christ, dude. Can you e-mail me some lottery numbers, please?

Anonymous NarSARSsist said...
Jesus Christ, dude. Can you e-mail me some lottery numbers, please?

I'll do you one better, just stat curse one of the Super Bowl teams, then I'll predict that you stat cursed them. This way, when you go bet on the other one, you can brag about what a great football prognosticator you are, and parlay that into a job for ESPN, making you even MORE money. You can be their John Hollinger of the NFL (other than Football Outsiders)! Hopefully with more accuracy though.

Sports God, please don't read this and make the exact opposite happen.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

More Nets fail, Hayes and Harris injure each other at which point Humphries thinks it would be a good idea to pass to his teammates lying on the ground. Needless to say, Detroit got the ball and scored.

Blogger Dan B. said...
Robut M. Nixon -- To be a bandwagon fan, I would have to have jumped on the team when it was popular to do so because they were winning, then disown them when they sucked, then like them again when they were successful. I started liking them just because my dad did, and stuck by them the whole time. I can't just choose the local team because, well, I don't have a local team closer than two hour away, and all my local teams make me want to kill myself. (The Bengals? The Pacers? Sonofabitch.) I live in a college sports area, so for anything pro ball, I have to just go find a team to like. And picking small market teams sucks because you never get to see them on TV.

Davros -- Yeah, PBA bowler Mike Wolfe is from the area (lives in southern Indiana, but bowls in Louisville a lot and runs a pro shop there). I root for him because he's a local guy and he isn't mean or anything, but he also is extremely quiet and all-busines when he bowls even in small tournaments or league, so I've gotten him to say maybe ten words ever to me (including when he beat the ever living fuck out of me in matchplay in a tournament once when I was sick as a dog and went to the emergency care center after I left there!)

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Four team Winfest!

New York: Ben Gordan realizes his destiny to play for Mike 'Antoni and the Bricks

Utah: Gets financial flexibility and can now play Boozer and Millsap at the same time! Clog that lane up!

Denver: Gets Kwame Brown. That's a former #1 Pick! Obviously a talent upgrade. Can't say no to Kwame Brown. Or was it Kobe you can't say no to?(Tasteless rape joke!)

Detroit reclaims its 2004 core, yes Millic is KEY. Perhaps when Rasheed Wallace gets a dozen technicals in six games they'll trade him to Detroit for a bag of dirt sparking a huge run to the finals where they upset the Lakers in 5!


Blogger chris said...
Looks like my predictions for the Paupers have reversed themselves:

The Suns game was a blowout that wasn't remotely competitive, while...

The Kings are currently one possession back of the Raptors, 76-73. Which means the final will be a 104-102 loss, right?

We've already gotten our share of bricks being sold via blue light special! sigh.

Blogger chris said...

The Kings decided to ignore the script and lose by more after all!


Blogger JR said...
I have to assume that Boston's third quarter merits a WOTW entry itself. 11 points! A 25-point swing in one quarter! I don't know how to evaluate either of these teams right now.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Dan B. - See? Screw these megamillionaire twonks and give props to true professionals, who earn every cent they get.

Chris - Claxton's contract was worth $5.2 million. Look at that number again, and see above.

Blogger chris said...
Iceberg: The C's are rather easy to evaluate: they're the ones who will soon be transitioning into Geritol endorsements.

Davros: For context, that's MORE than Brian Scalabrine, but only slightly less than Sheed. Huh?

Blogger Chere said...

Here in Spain we love basketball and we grew up watching Magic vs. Bird during the ‘80s. In the ‘90s, cable TV brought us the NFL league and some of us spend our winter Sunday nights hating the Patriots. Even that strange sport called baseball where you never know how long it will last a game and apparently consist on touching own nuts, spitting on the grass and, from time to time, hitting a ball with a bat, can be an option during boring summer evenings. But hockey… seriously, man, we don’t have ice enough for skating even in mid January. Most of male sports fans think skates are toys with wheels for little girls and tanned gays. So, having said that, who the hell is Don Waddell?

Brees-Manning on going…

Anonymous darkcoupon said...
Bawful trade while waiting for the Super Bowl kickoff...I wanted to fix the Jazz's "dumb European white guy" problem, but in the process I may have made Indiana the whitest team in the league.


Anonymous Hogey said...
Here's my bawful trade of the day:

Check it out:

Pistons acquire: Ron Artest, Stephen Jackson and Adam Morrison
Lakers acquire: Tayshaun Prince and DJ Augustin
Charlotte acquires: Rip Hamilton and a 2010 lottery protected 1st rounder from the Pistons.

Why the Pistons do it: What, you need a reason other than giving fans the opportunity to relive the 2004 Malice in the Palace 41 times a year?? Ok, well… Hollinger says this trade nets them +7 wins. The Pistons would also save $3m this year, which gets them under the luxury tax.

So that's a net saving of roughly $6m PLUS the Pistons would share in the money coming in from teams over the tax. Plus think of all the people who would buy an Artest/Jackson Pistons jersey, you can sign me up for one of each right now.

Why the Lakers do it: Prince is a rangy defender who is saner than Artest and more willing to play within a system. He's also a $10m expiring contract next year. Their main motivation though is acquiring a younger point guard who can hit 3's. Augustin fits the bill.

Why Charlotte does it: Hard to justify this given Jackson has been such a great pick up for them, I admit. But, Hamilton is a Larry Brown guy, Augustin was on his way out and a Pistons number 1, even with 2010 lottery protection, stands to be pretty decent for a team with a lack of talent.

Ok, ok, better reason, Phil Jackson used his zen powers to convince MJ that seeing Dumars in agony one more time would be worth the small sacrifice that would be required on MJ's part.

Blogger chris said...

Don Waddell is the GM of the Atlanta Thrashers, a hockey team that is owned by the same folks that own the Atlanta Hawks.

Considering that in the ten years the Thrashers have existed, they've lost every star/superstar they've had to trades/free agency (Marc Savard, Dany Heatley, Marian Hossa and Ilya Kovalchuk)...and drafted hockey's equivalent of Kwame Brown (so worst #1 overall pick in some time), Patrik Stefan...

Waddell would be the GMing equivalent of Mike Dunleavy.

So how bad was Stefan? Well, here's an infamous clip that explains all:


Blogger chris said...
And some additional context: part of the reason that the Thrashers management has been so awful has had to do with the ownership being much more focused on building the Hawks into a respectable Association team once again, although they WERE willing to pay Kovalchuk $101 million over 12 years - more than Joe Johnson, Al Horford, Mario West, anyone on the Hawks - which apparently wasn't enough to convince him to stay!

Blogger Chere said...
You DON’T kill people who make these kind of fails in your sport? You should.

In other topic, my hometown and beloved basket team, Real Madrid, recently signed Marko Jaric, who I assume a regular visitor of Lacktion Report during his years at Clippers and Grizzlies. He’s doing 11 points, 4 rebounds and 4 assist, shooting 50% from the field and adding Adriana Lima to the arena crowd, so I can’t be sad about the move, but I supposed you would like listening from a dear old mate and huge lacktator.

Blogger chris said...
Wolfe: Amazingly, Waddell is far, far from the worst GM in NHL history - that would have to go to Mike Milbury, who developed a penchant for trading All-Stars and future All-Stars as Islanders GM (Roberto Luongo, Todd Bertuzzi, Zdeno Chara, the pick that became Jason Spezza) in a turrible decade-or-so span. I'm not even sure anyone in the NBA has failed that bad.

Somehow I don't think Jaric is the only lacktator to be hooked to someone more than just decent looking...someone PLEASE sign him in the US next year to improve audience demographics!!!

Blogger chris said...
And as for Patrick Stefan, as bad as he is...1999 IS considered one of the worst draft years in NHL history. Not as painful as this guy:


Picked in 1983 over several hall of famers (Steve Yzerman, Cam Neely, Pat LaFontaine), he later showed up a year or two ago as part of the Tampa Bay Lightning ownership squad AND traded their best defenseman to my beloved Sharks. Yay!

Anonymous Hellshocked said...
This has to get a mention somewhere. During the Jazz-Nuggets game over the weekend on NBA TV (which itself featured plenty of bawfulness) they had one of those gimmick mini-interview segments with Deron Williams. When Matt Harpring asked him who the least athletic player he had ever played with was, Deron responded Jarron Collins, and mentioned that even a 35 year old Ostertag once beat him in a foot race.


Blogger chris said...
And Lindsey Hunter takes a break from lacking it up occasionally to announce his retirement once this year's over.

So when you're a relatively obscure baller, who's there for your retirement press conference/release/whatev?

Anonymous Stockton said...
Another day, another trade:


Do you think any of the 3 GM's would think about this one?

Let's see: Phoenix gets a defensive stopper, and a great PF to replace Amare, plus, we could see the Lopez brothers united. Priceless!

Dallas gets his backcourt back, and

New jersey gets two great vets. Amazingly, even with the Kidd adition, NJ gets -4!

PS: has anyone thought of the idea of Dunleavy having a conversation with his reflexion, a la Defoe in spiderman? Like, the GM Dunleavy complaining to the Coach Dunleavy about how he got all those great players and the coach never put them to put win?

Anonymous Stockton said...

The Knicks get the defense of Amare, the youth of wallace and the technique of Kwame. That will for sure lure Lebron!

Pistons get Darko (he should have never left) and another sharpshooter, in the person Mobley (does he even play?)

Suns get Villanueva and Lee... hey, this could work for them... it WOULD be an upgrade! well, can't win them all.