Another horrific loss, another sad bench photo. Yep, it's a weekday on Basketbawful.

Ah, Groundhog Day is finally over. So glad to see nobody here had to wake up and try to seduce Andie MacDowell in a movie. Though, now that I think about it, if you did wake up as Bill Murray as I mentioned yesterday, you'd get to eventually work your magic on Scarlett Johansen in Lost in Translation, so I guess we could call it a push. Anyway, it's time for BAD.

Bawful Trade of the Day:
Well, based on the overwhelming response to my Bawful Trade of the Day suggestion yesterday, I'd say you all liked the idea! The trade deadline is on Thursday February 18. Starting tomorrow night, I'll post one trade (or maybe a couple if I'm in the mood, you won't complain about extras, right?) in every BAD post until the trade deadline hits.

So please keep working the Trade Machine and submitting your ridiculous trades so that I have plenty to choose from. Turning the Nets into a 50-win team by destroying the Lakers? Fun. Blowing up the Knicks in an unfathomably evil four-team clusterfuck trade? Hilarious. Including as many lacktion null-stars as possible in your trades? Highly encouraged. What do you win if one of your trades is selected and posted? Uh...the possibilty that someone from the Clippers will see it and try to push it through in real life. And that's about it.

Worst of the Night in Pictures:

Josh Smith's experiment with "Dying Slug Defense" was widely considered a failure

"As soon as this game ends, I'm getting the hell out of here!"

Tug of war!!

Lionel Hollins gently takes the player/coach relationship one step further

You're doing it wrong.

Nationally Televised Games:
Heat at Celtics: Alright, so KG moves like a gigantic Tiny Tim (either the Dickens character, or the dead ukulele player, same difference), and Paul Pierce's foot is jacked up. Oh, and now, locker room problems! That being said, the Heat are the basketball equivalent of a herpes sore. They get better for a little while, but the crappiness just keep coming back.

Suns at Nuggets: The Nuggets are 22-3 at the Pepsi Center. The Suns have won two straight road games after losing a dozen of their last 13 trips outside of Arizona. Can you guess which team I feel more confident about? ...Sigh.

All The Other Games:
Clippers at Hawks: So, the Clippers lucked into a win in Chicago last night. I know, I don't get it either. But now they're 2-5 on this road trip, and they get to play a Hawks team that's been very tough at home? Please please please let this be a return to normalcy.

Bulls at 76ers: Speaking of the Bulls... I don't have a freaking clue one as to how this game plays out. I mean, they just got whupped at home by the woefully inept and cursed Clippers. Nothing makes sense anymore. I'm not freaking out, I'm just bizarro pissed off.

Nyets at Raptors: The Raptors have one loss in two weeks. The Nets...are the Nyets. That is all.

Wizards Generals Bullets at Knicks: The Bullets are 16-31. The Bricks are 18-29 (even without Zeke leading the failure!). I have no words to describe how bad this game will be. The English language was never meant to be that ugly.

Thunder at Hornets: Did you know the Hornets are 5-5 with Chris Paul not in the lineup? Did you also know that this season they're only 26-22 overall? Don't get me wrong, Chris Paul is one of the best point guards in Association, but you can't just assume the Hornets can't win without him, and just the same you can't just assume they'll win with him.

Warriors at Mavericks: This is not a good time for Dallas to catch a Don Nelson offense. The Mavs defense has been pretty nasty lately, and if the Warriors can hit shots, they'll give the Mavs all they want. (But they'll still probably lose because, hey, it's the Warriors and Don Nelson. That's just how they roll.)

Frail Blazers at Jazz: Let me get this straight. The second we officially name Utah one of the league's "Bipolar Girlfriend" teams, they get on a hot streak and start destroying everyone in sight. We said the same thing about the Heat and they immediately turned to a gigantic piece of PF Chang created shit. Do we have that much influence over the league? I feel like a poor man's Anthony Fremont.

Spurs at Kings: Bad news? The Spurs are starting an eight-game road trip that lasts 3 1/2 weeks broken up by the All-Star game. The good news? They get to start in Sactown where they've dominated the Purple Paupers. Lucky them.

Bobcats at Lakers: Somehow, the Bobcats have won their last three times at the Staples Center despite being only 6-18 on the road this year. If anyone can explain that to me, I'd appreciate it.

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Blogger chris said...
The "Dying Slug Defense" also represents the City of Seattle's strategy in court against Clay Bennett.

Blogger Ash said...
The Bobcats (and oddly, the Warriors [usually]) have the Lakers number going back like, five years. I don't understand it. I just accept it.

Blogger Unknown said...
Jesus Christ do you see Hollins's pinky finger? I mean I know basketball players have some knarled fingers, but god damn - did that dude play ball with grenades?

Makes the man love reference all the more creepy.

Blogger Ash said...
"Suns at Nuggets: The Nuggets are 22-3 at the Pepsi Center. The Suns have won two straight road games after losing a dozen of their last 13 trips outside of Arizona. Can you guess which team I feel more confident about? ...Sigh."

Also, Billups AND Melo might be out. Suns chances are starting to look a little better.

Blogger Dan B. said...
reuben -- Damn you. I hadn't noticed that finger, but now that's all I can pay attention to in that picture. What has been seen cannot be unseen!

Ash B -- I didn't know both of them were going to be out. I thought they said Melo would be back for this game?

Blogger John said...
Bobcats at Lakers: Somehow, the Bobcats have won their last three times at the Staples Center despite being only 6-18 on the road this year. If anyone can explain that to me, I'd appreciate it.

Half their games there are against the Clippers, right?

Blogger kingofkansascity said...
The Nyets can actually lose more games than they currently are.


Truly bawful

Blogger NBA Guru said...

Blogger Ash said...
Dan B. -- Looks like they just changed the article, and changed it in a way that makes me look like an idiot.

"Billups to play, Melo a game-time call"

Blogger chris said...
kingsofkansascity: The fact that Yakhouba Diawara's PER is in negative territory is even more amazing, too!

Blogger Will said...
Dan B.- having Melo on my fantasy team has been very frustrating this past week+. Before every game, yahoo said he was ready to play before being scratched. Pissed me off.

Anonymous kazam92 said...
Chris: Kouba has played like 2 games. Hasn't done shit but wear Sportcoats and applauding. This guy has an NBA body but he is just an abysmal player

Blogger chris said...
kazam92: that's the thing - Diawara was making it into the lacktion report with regularity last season, and now isn't even getting non-important seconds of playing time most nights!!!!!

A lot of last year's super lacktators (Cheikh Samb, Diawara, Tarence Kinsey, Jake Voskuhl) are either out of the Association or riding pine.

Blogger Nick said...
how bout kobe and lebron to the nyets for a 30 win improvement and the 6th seed in the east? YEAH!


Blogger Nick said...


Blogger chris said...
And if you woke up as Bill Murray...you'd get to remember great comedy bits from Gilda Radner and Jane Curtin so it can't be all THAT bad can it.

Blogger LotharBot said...
What's the game of the night? Bricks-Bullets or Craptors-Nyets?

Also, to be a truly Bawful trade, IMO it has to be so bad that both teams would reject it.

Destroys the Knicks' cap space for next season, while simultaneously destroying the Hawks' chances to compete with the rest of the East's top teams. Threw in a couple of semi-contributory lacktators just for lulz.

Gives the Lakers some of the best bigs in the game, but leaves them without any competent guards. Gives the Magic an incredible perimeter team but leaves them without any competent bigs. Doesn't leave either team with enough cap space to get a decent FA next year.

Blogger Dan B. said...
LotharBot -- Any Nyets game is automatically the Bawful Game of the Night. That just goes without saying. And yes, bawful trades may be bad for both teams for maximum lulz. Cap-killing highly encouraged.

Anonymous b.st.randy said...
lol diawara, poor mans joey graham (nba body/ball iq the size of a peanut)

Blogger mg said...
I want to give a WotN nomination to Federico Haller, an uruguayan basketball player who, after being tested positive for marihuana, pulled a Josh Howard, declaring that 80% of the uruguayan basketball players smoke or have smoken pot. Hilarious coincidence, considering my frustration with J-Ho's play lately. I'd like to hang out with those two, play some hoops and you know, stuff.

Anonymous mguard said...
it looks like the bulls really wanted to follow up their home stinker to the clippers with a another dumpster dive to the 76ers (8-16 at home)... i think vinny should just choke-a-bitch to make a point.

Blogger Bakes said...
Joel Meyers, unintentional dirty quote of the night: "Stephen Jackson -- he can get it off from all different angles"

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
I turn on the TV, see the score Toronto 83, Nets 79, Nets proceed to give up consecutive buckets to go down 89-79, I change the channel to MSG, just assuming the game is over.

OTOH, I see the Knicks down 56-47, and switch over to the Miami-Bos game. What the hell happened there?

I see the Suns up 3 points in the 1stQ, and just assume it's a loss. Sigh.

On the plus side, I love the Sealab 2021 referencing. The week at school after Stimutacs came out was a great week of comedy with my friends. I'm not sure we ever spoke sentences that week, it was all just communication through quotes.

Blogger Unknown said...
Blazers radio announcer "Wheels":

"The Blazers have just tied the Jazz for the first time in two games...the score is now 2 to 2."

announcer fail

Oh and the best part of tonight's game? The Blazers letting Utah score 62% from the field and 62 points in the paint...but at one point we had the lead...yay small victories?

Oh and Aldridge gets his 20th double double this season, which suspiciously seem to happen when we lose...

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
Well okay. Even the ESPN announcers are constantly pointing out how poorly Denver is defending. I am okay with this game.

Anonymous tjr2109 said...

Blogger chris said...

Me attempting to get five all-stars on one team!

Blogger chris said...
Apparently, adding KG, Lord Mamba, Z-Bo AND Pau Gasol to the Sixers (at the cost of Elton Brand and a jillion scrubs), creating another five-all-star combo (centered around The Cancer), only improves Philly by ONE WIN!!!!!

Blogger chris said...
However, having the Sixers acquire Gasol, Mamba, Melo AND King Crab makes them 16 wins better, and makes the Crabs susceptible to 23 more losses. Stunning.

Blogger DJ LEON SMITH said...
What's the term for racking up numbers in zero minutes of court time?

Patrick Mills 2 PT 1-1 FG 0-0 FT 0-0 3P 0/0 RB 0 AS 0 BL 0 ST 0 TO 0 PF 0 MN (Final, Jazz)

Blogger BJ said...
(has a Hillbilly Bugs flash at the sight of Cavs tussle)

"Whomp him low and whomp him high, stick your finger in his eye . . ."

Anonymous Anonymous said...
D.J Augustine did in 16 minutes what Kobe couldn't do in 37: Score 6 points.

Blogger JFK said...
How about 3 teamer with Houston, Cleveland and Orlando:

Houston gets:
LeBron, Delonte, Dwight

Cleveland gets:

Orlando gets:


Blogger Dan B. said...
AnacondaHL -- "Have some more pills, pillhead." Oh, and I have gotten so much mileage out of "It's like a koala bear crapped a rainbow in my brain!"

Blogger Bakes said...
@ Anon

D.J Augustine did in 16 minutes what Kobe couldn't do in 37: Score 6 points.

Is DJ healthy? Sure he is. No broken bones? None. Hurt ankles or knees? Nope, his legs are fine.

His night outscoring Kobe is gonna keep him warm those cold mornings in late April/early May after he's gone fishin'

Anonymous NarSARSsist said...
steve - What's with stealing my trade? For shame ;-)

JFK - That's pretty funny. Knee Mac actually reduces Cleveland's win total more than Stojakovic.

chris - Currently, the 76ers are on pace to win 29 games. So they suck so badly that even with the trade, they'd be barely above .500.

Anonymous NarSARSsist said...
chris - Also, as of today, that trade involving KG and Randolph no longer improves the 76ers, and makes the other teams worse.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Mad props for the Sealab link. Second best episode ever.

Blogger Dan B. said...
BadDave -- Gotta ask. In your opinion, what was the best Sealab episode? There are too many good ones to just pick one!

Blogger Will said...
Dan B- 2 words: Waking Quinn

Blogger Jim in KFalls said...

Blogger Unknown said...
What is wrong with Lionel Hollins´left pinky?!?!?!?!?!