Ernie Johnson: Andre Iguodala was a guest analyst on the NBA on TNT last night, and Ernie referred to him as the "44-year-old" Andre Iguodala. Which wouldn't have been that silly of a mistake if Iggy didn't have the kind of babyface that makes you wonder whether he still gets his lunch money stolen by the big kids. The only theory I have to explain Ernie's gaffe is that he was thinking about Dikembe Mutumbo, who's been 44 for, what, the last three seasons? Now we finally have an answer to the age-old question: "Who wants to sex Mutumbo?" Ernie does.

LeBron James' fourth quarter: King James has apparently been crippled by the extreme physical burden of carrying Mike Brown's one-play* offense all season. LeBron was suffering from "unrelenting" back spasms last night that made him "unable to cut, jump and move as usual." The result? A peasant-like fourth quarter stat line (one-point, 0-for-5 shooting) and a 101-98 setback to the "nothing to play for" Chicago Bulls. And that loss, combined with the previous night's foul out, might have been the final death blow for the King's MVP bid.

LeBron actually had a chance to tie the game in the closing seconds, but he was turned back by rookie hair god Joakim Noah. Of course, The Chosen one thought there was some contact. "I went up and got hit on the arm. But that’s not why we lost the game." Superstar-to-English translation: "That's totally why we lost the game."

*That one play is "Watch LeBron. He's so shiny." Rumor has it that Brown and his assistants have been devising a second play, wherein LeBron's teammates pass the ball around like a hot potato before shuffling it to LeBron with three seconds left on the shot clock.

Sasha Pavlovic: Benched! Again! That'll teach him to hold out before the season, get injured, and then suck.

Quicken Loans Arena sound-effect technicians: With a little less than two minutes left in the game, Ben Wallace blew an uncontested dunk. As the ball clanged off the rim and sailed harmlessly away from the basket, "a loud gong inadvertently sounded in the arena, usually a sound effect reserved for one of Big Ben's blocks." Oops.

Larry Hughes, fulfilling expectations one trade too late: He sure had a game against the Cavs, didn't he? The line: 25 points (11-for-17), 8 rebounds, 9 assists, and 2 steals in 45 minutes. Oh, and he scored 19 of those points in the second half to help the Bulls overcome a 17-point deficit and end their six-game road losing streak. The Cleveland fans must have been pissed. (The title of this one was updated on the suggestion of that great challenger of the unknown, Wild Yams.)

Chris Duhon: He was about five seconds shy of a two trillion. But you know what? We're gonna bend our rules and give it to him anyway, in honor of the season he's having.

Update! Benny the Bull: Remember that whole "Benny sniped Kevin Garnett and James Posey from behind with a t-shirt cannon" thing? Well, the Bulls finally got around to explaining what really happened: "The Bulls apologized to the Celtics and explained that one of the members of the IncrediBulls -- a group that entertains during timeouts -- had tripped and his gun shot the shirts into the floor from where they bounced into the Celtics."

Nice story. A big load of, well, bullpoopy, but a good story. And KG, or one, isn't stepping in it. "Wow. That's a story. I just turned around and dude [Benny] had the smoking gun in his hands. I didn't see no lady. I didn't see nobody trip over a gun. You know what I'm saying?"

Chicago coach Jim Boylan gave his own humorous take on the incident: "It was against Posey so, it’s open season against him whenever he steps on the court in Chicago. I was proud of Benny, glad he took matters into his own hands. He orchestrated it behind the scenes." Ha, hah! Good one, coach. Of course, you know what they say. Many a truth is said in jest.

Los Angeles Clippers: They tanked Elton Brand's anti-tanking comeback by holding Chris Kaman, Cuttino Mobley, and Tim Thomas out of the game. And hey, fewer players means more opportunities for Brand which means Elton has more sign-and-trade value over the summer. It's a win-win for everybody involved.

Sacramento King announcers: One of them started to call Francisco Garcia "Spencer" in a post-game interview last night. Speaking of which...

Francisco Garcia: From Odenized. 'Cisco announced he's going to try to dunk on Kobe this Sunday. Oh, man. He should know better than that. Although, in all fairness, the announcers kind of goaded "Spencer" into it.


Reggie Theus, quote machine: Regarding Kevin Martin's growth as a player, Theus said, "He’s starting to adapt to the game now. I'm seeing things from him that I didn't see before. He's scoring easier in our offense now." He wasn't adapting to the game before? Then why did you guys decide to build your franchise around him?

Joel Przybilla's future: Joel's been playing great all season, but especially in the last month or so. But I have a bad feeling that when Greg Oden is ready to play next season, Joel will go from being "Vanilla Godzilla, the fire-breathing rebound monster" to "Ghostface Przybilla, the invisible bench holder-downer."

Tracy McGrady, quote machine: He's so happy these days. After leading the Rockets to a 95-88 win over the Trail Blazers -- he scored 26 of his game-high 35 points in the second half -- T-Mac described the excitement stirred within his heart by this season's Western Conference playoff race. "There's going to be a team that wins 50 games and doesn't make the playoffs. So it's a battle out there. I love it." I can't help but wonder how much love's going to be left after Houston's first-round playoff series, probably against either the Hornets, Lakers, or Spurs.

Mike Harris and Steve Novak: They each played 14 seconds and had a stat line that looked like a string of Cheerios. I'd totally feel sorry for them if I had a sense of compassion.

Labels: Chicago Bulls, Chris Duhon, Ernie Johnson, Kevin Garnett, Larry Hughes, Lebron James, Los Angeles Clippers, NBA mascots, one trillion, Sasha Pavlovic, Tracy McGrady, Worst of the Night

Mario West: From Ben Q. Rock of the Third Quarter Collapse. "West posted 2 points and 1 rebound in two minutes of action (not lacktion, for once!), but pointlessly extended the game by poking the ball out-of-bounds on two occasions with under 20 seconds left, when all the Magic were trying to do was inbound the ball so they could run the clock out. Dude, everyone in the arena wants to go home! Give up! Of course, if I were an NBA player struggling to earn more than 40 seconds of playing time a night for the Atlanta freaking Hawks, I'd probably do everything I could to stay on the floor, too."

Dwight Howard: More from Mr. Rock. "Dwight lead the Magic with 26 points and 16 rebounds, but he padded his rebound total by snatching balls away from his teammates, including Hedo Turkoglu, who at the time of one Dwight-swipe was just one rebound away from his second career triple-double. Turk eventually got that elusive tenth rebound, but he shouldn't have had to wait that long." Ben even provided this image of Superman bogarting a board from his frontcourt mate. Even Hedo didn't think he was going to get the last rebound he needed for the triple-double. "Not when you've got to battle Dwight Howard to get it. I kept telling Dwight I only needed one, but he's the No. 1 rebounder in the league and it's hard to get one off him."

One last note: Howard almost killed Zaza Pachulia during one rebound battle. That dude is serious about rebounding.

John Hollinger: In his review of the Bulls/Cavs/Sonics trade, Hollinger made it seem as if Cleveland GM Danny Ferry was making off like some kind of cartoon bandit: "This one works, big time. Answer me this: Would you rather have Hughes (12.0 player efficiency rating) or Szczerbiak (16.0)? Brown (8.5) or West (10.1)? Marshall (8.5) or Wallace (12.1)? Gooden (12.8) or Smith (17.4)?"

I thought this assessment was a wee bit bogus, mostly because Hollinger fiddled somewhat with the comparisons. After all, juxtaposing the PER of Shannon Brown and Delonte West didn't seem particularly fair, considering that Brown had appeared - and briefly - in only 15 games while West had played in 35 and gotten more minutes. Furthermore, Marshall was a seldom-used reserve who had made a mere 11 cameo appearances for the Cavs, whereas Ben Wallace was a starter who had played 50 games at a rate of more than 32 minutes per. And wouldn't Wallace versus Drew Gooden had make a better one-for-one comparison anyway? I guess what I'm saying is that, at the time, if felt as though Hollinger arranged the player matchoffs so he could use his PER numbers to support his "Cleveland won this one" argument.

But here's a little post-script to Hollinger's "This one works, big time" declaration. Wally's PER has plummetted from 15.8 to 9.1 while Larry Hughes' has soared from 11.8 to 15.3. Wallace's has dropped from 12.0 to 10.9 while Drew Gooden's has gone from 12.7 to 15.0. So, based solely on the PER numbers, does this mean that Hollinger was wrong, big time? I'll be interested to see whether he has anything to say on the subject.

Ben Wallace and Wally Szczerbiak: Big Ben - or "Big Bum" if you follow the Chicago newspapers - scored zero points (0-for-4) and grabbed 5 rebounds before leaving the game with back spasms, a common malady among the elderly. Meanwhile, Wally World played 27 sizzling minutes, scoring 8 points (2-for-5) to go along with 2 rebounds and an assist. Szczerbiak is now shooting 32 percent since the trade, which is roughly equal to Larry Hughes' post-trade shooting numbers.

Jarrett Jack and James Jones: The play of these two guys, Jones especially, is absolutely critical to the Blazers' success. So it's not surprising - considering their combination of 6 points on 1-for-12 shooting - that Portland scored only 80 points in a tough loss.

Sam Cassell's Boston debut: This is what the Celtics have been waiting all season for? Sam-I-Am went scoreless (0-for-2), committed a couple of turnovers, and got whistled for 4 fouls in 5 entirely unimpressive minutes. But Sam's not sweating it. "My timing is off. Not knowing the sets, not knowing where to go on the court is tough. I know I’ll play more than 5 minutes. I'm not even worried about it."

Josh Powell and Quinton Ross: These guys started last night for the Clippers, and they both with scoreless (0-for-8) in a combined 42 minutes of lacktion. And Mario West is pissed about it.

Pat Riley: Why did it take Riles so long to shut Wade down for the year? Seriously, he should have done it 10 or 15 games ago, at least. Of course, Heat fans - assuming there are any left - can't be all that excited about the prospect of watching Ricky Davis get 15-to-20 shots a game for the rest of the season. But hey, maybe Shawn Marion will actually learn how to create his own shot over that time.

New Jersey Nets: Yeah, I know they caught the wrong team at the wrong time. The Rockets are clearly peaking right now. But still: 30 percent field goal shooting, zero percent three-point shooting, only 12 assists. Ugly. Very, very ugly.

Vince Carter and Devin Harris: These two men are the future of the franchise. And that might be a big problem. Vince scored 13 points on 5-for-15 shooting. Harris scored 10 on 3-for-10 shooting and dished out one lonely assist. I feel the need to point these things out again: Vince is not a franchise player, and Harris is not a point guard - he's a two-guard trapped in a point guard's body.

Nate Robinson: Last night's 2-for-14 shooting performance is a sure sign that he won't be scoring 45 again any time soon. Unless, you know, he shows up to my Wednesday night pickup league. And maybe not even then.

Isiah Thomas: Dude is so ready to be fired. Not only did he get booed on the road again, he answered only one question in his postgame press conference - and it was about Jason Kidd - before running out the door without a word. Here is the full text of Isiah's postgame commentary, in case you're interested: "[Kidd] gets them out in transition. He gets them a lot of easy baskets. In that first quarter, every time we missed a shot - we came out cold - and every time we missed a shot, it was a fast-break layup, and everything was initiated by Kidd. He's a great player." This transcript does not include the sound of footsteps or a slamming door, but it could.

Chris Duhon: Remember how Duhon got fined and suspended for one game for missing the Bulls' Sunday morning shootaround and then basically said he didn't care? And then we all found out that he'd overslept because he'd flown to North Carolina on Saturday night to attend the Duke/North Carolina game? You might wonder why a professional basketball player who's already on the verge of being out of the league in a couple of months would do something so stupid. Well, now we know: "I wanted to go to a place where I felt comfortable and be around people who can boost my self-esteem." Wow. Hey Chris, I hope that little ego-boost is worth standing in an unemployment line this summer. For the record, Duhon is making $3.2 million this season. I don't know about you, but making that kind of green in a single year would go a long way toward raising this man's self-esteem. So John Paxson, if you're reading this, not only am I available but I also know how to set an alarm clock. Call me.

Mark Cuban: He has banned "bloggers" from the Mavericks' locker room. Ironically enough, the announcement was made on his blog. This is, of course, a response to the "Fire Avery Johnson" campaign. A petulant and immature response, but a response nonetheless. And this isn't the first time Cuban has given the stink-eye to a blogger. Why does Cuban hate bloggers so much, when he, himself, is a blogger? Is this a sign of some festering self-hatred? Let's hope so.

Now you face Doom! Dr. Doom took over my NBA Closer column today. Read it. Or else Doom won't be happy. And you really want him to be happy.

Labels: Ben Wallace, Chris Duhon, Dwight Howard, Isiah Thomas, John Hollinger, New Jersey Nets, Pat Riley, Sam Cassell, Vince Carter, Wally Szczerbiak

Atlanta Hawks: The dirty birds' drive to miss the Eastern Conference playoffs continued on Friday night with their fourth loss in a row, courtesy of the Charlotte Spoilers Bobcats. For the record, all four of those losses were by double-digits (10, 17, 15, and 15). But a crappy conference will always have the last laugh, and Atlanta probably won't miss the playoffs no matter how hard they try, thanks to back-to-back wins against the Heat on Saturday (more on that below) and the fact that the teams behind them (New Jersey, Chicago, and Indiana) might be even worse than they are. If it's possible to make the playoffs by default, the Hawks might be the team to do it.

Bonzi Wells and Mike James: So much for beefing up the Hornets' bench. Bonzi missed both weekend games (bruised Achilles' tendon) and James totalled 3 points (1-for-6) and 1 turnover in just under 11 minutes of lack-tion. If it hasn't yet dawned on New Orleans GM Jeff Bower why the Rockets were so willing to go two-for-one on the Bobby Jackson trade, then somebody needs to check his pulse, and fast.

Chris Duhon: C-Du is the winner of this weekend's Golden Poopy award. He was fined and suspended for the Bulls' Sunday evening matchup against the Pistons after missing the team's morning shootaround. Now, you'd probably assume that a roleplayer who's trying desperately to cling to the tattered remains of his NBA career would be at least somewhat humble and apologetic after an incident like this. But you'd be totally wrong. Said Duhon: "It wasn't my fault. I didn't get my wakeup call." Now there's a heaping helping of personal responsibility for you. But it didn't stop there. "I haven't been playing the last six or seven games," said Duhon, conveniently forgetting the 25 minutes he played on Friday night against the Celtics. "Ususally, I don't play anyway, so it doesn't have that much of an effect on me." Of course, Kirk Hinrich and Ben Gordan both picked up two fouls in the first six minutes of the game, and Thabo Sefolosha is still out with a strained left groin. In other words, the Bulls needed Duhon, but Duhon wasn't available. Of course, he was available to fly to North Carolina to watch Saturday night's Duke-North Carolina game, which didn't end until 11 p.m. Eastern Standard Time. And the daylight-saving time changover made the night an hour shorter. Duhon chartered a flight to Detroit, but he still got in pretty late, which, you know, might have made him a little sleepy. Keep in mind, though, it's still not his fault. He didn't get his wakeup call. And he hasn't been playing anyway. So get off his back.

DeSagana Diop: Hmm, quite a weekend for Captain Senegal: He scored 1 point (0-for-3) and grabbed 7 rebounds in two games. That sound you just heard was a soft, self-satisfied chuckle from Mark Cuban.

Devin Harris: He sure showed the Mavs what they're missing, huh? With the chance at a revenge game against his old team, Harris sunk to the occasion by scoring 9 points on 3-for-12 shooting and dishing out only 2 assists. As a team, the Nets had a total of 12 assists…one fewer than Jason Kidd had for the Mavs. When asked about the difference between playing point for the Nets, Harris said: "There’s a lot more freedom, I'm more off the leash." Uh, somebody better get that leash back on him. Quickly. Critics of the trade should probably note that Dirk Nowitzki has been on fire since Kidd joined the team.

Devean George: Captain Cockblock sure had a weekend to forget. He scored zero points (0-for-5), grabbed a couple rebounds, and had his shot blocked twice in just under 8 minutes of playing time against the Nets. Good thing he held onto those Larry Bird rights...

The Denver Nuggets: I didn't think anybody could play worse defense against the Jazz than the Suns did on Friday. Leave it to the Nuggets to totally prove me wrong. Utah scored 132 points on 60 percent shooting, including 73 percent from beyond the arc. Once again, there's no D in Enver.

Jason Kapono: On Friday night, the NBA's reigning Three-point King failed to convert a three-pointer for the ninth straight game. In fact, he didn't even attempt one. Kapono finally broke the seal on Sunday by hitting 2-for-3 from beyond the arc against the Sonics, but before that he'd hit only two threes in the last 22 games. But look at the bright side: He was shooting 50 percent during that stretch (2-for-4). But seriously, when you're a three-point specialist, why would you suddenly stop doing what you do best? That would be like if Dwight Howard stopped dunking, or if Kwame Brown stopped sucking.

Joakim Noah, quote machine: After the Pistons held off the Bulls' second-half rally, the reckless rookie had this to say: "With our style of play, there's no reason we shouldn't have beaten that team. I think Detroit's a great team, but I still think we are better than them, really. I feel like we're a better team." Ooookay. I guess Joakim didn't learn very much in that extra year at college. No time for class. Too sleepy.

Kobe Bryant: The NBA's "best closer" got closed out in the second half of the Lakers' 114-113 loss to the Sacramento Kings. Mamba scored 26, but only 6 of those came in the second half, during which he shot 1-for-7. He also missed a potential game-winner at the buzzer. What's more, Pau Gasol and Sasha Vujacic got most of the shots down the stretch, prompting a little passive-aggressive agression from Kobe. "I'm okay. I'm moving on. We'll make adjustments offensively." In case you haven't brushed up on your Kobe-to-English translations, this means he'll be getting more shots next time.

Los Angeles Clippers: The Clippers went 0-for-the-weekend, and they did it in true Clipper fashion. On Friday, the Lakers beat them by 37 points, and even that losing margin doesn't do justice to the brutality of the groin-kicking they received. On Saturday, their ego-ectomy was completed by a 99-96 home loss to the 14-win Timberwolves.

Mario West: After four straight games of at least one minute and three seconds of PT, Super Mario got only four seconds on Saturday night against the Heat.

Miami Heat: Wow. This was a catastrophic weekend, even by Heat standards. On Friday night, they lost by 35 points at home to the Golden State Warriors. (In honor of the Heat and their pooptastic season, I'm adding "35-point home loss" to the list of things that earn an automatic Worst of the Weekend bid.) Then, on Saturday night, they lost not once but twice to the Atlanta Hawks. And I'm not even exaggerating. First, they replayed the last 51.9 seconds of the "dispute game" and lost 114-111 (and since they lost this game 117-111 the first time, that means they lost the same game on two differenct occasions). Then they went out and lost their regularly scheduled game to the Hawks 97-94. So that's three losses in two nights, including one game they got to lose for the second time. That could be considered a four-loss weekend, which has to be some kind of NBA record. Go Heat.

Nate Robinson: Nate the Great scored a career-high 45 points against the Portland Trailblazers. And he was pretty happy about it. I mean really happy about it. As in totally freaking the hell out about it. As much as I hate to be a wet blanket, somebody should probably remind him that 1. he still plays for the New York Knicks and 2. his team didn't even win that game. Oh, wait, somebody did tell him. Said Robinson: "Forty-five pretty much washed away." Yep, that about sums it up.

New York Knicks: Normally, there's no shame in losing to the Detroit Pistons. But there is when Rasheed Wallace misses the game (sprained left ankle) and leading scorer Rip Hamilton gets ejected in the first half. And the Knicks were playing at home. What would it have taken for New York to come away with the win, for Detroit's entire starting five missing the game? Things both improved and didn't improve on Saturday: The Knicks played some of their best basketball of the season without Eddy Curry (sore right knee), Jamal Crawford (right hand), and Zach Randolph (bruised right foot), but they lost anyway. Note that the Knicks lost all four of their games at Madison Square Garden this week. Yikes.

Phoenix Suns: You know the drill. Their defense sucks. It sucks large, hairy ape testicles. The Jazz scored 126 points – including 41 in the final quarter – and shot 57 percent as a team. In Phoenix. My problem with the Suns remains the same. It's not that they can't play defense, which they proved against San Antonio on Sunday, it's that they won't. Look, they may not have a lot of great individual defenders, but defense is less about physical skill than it is about focus, determination, and all-out effort. The Suns' players and coaches all keep saying the right things about needing to stop people, but it's time to stop paying the lip service and start laying the wood on somebody. Not just once in a while, but every game. Their offense is fine, but they can't just hope to outscore their oppoents every night anymore. It's time to start stopping people.

Oleksiy Pecherov: He may sound like one of the red-shirted extras on Star Trek, but he actually plays – well, sometimes, and sparingly – for the Washington Wizards. Against the Raptors, he scored a one trillion for every vowel in his last name. (I can't count, and I don’t know what a "vowel" is, but I think it was three.)

Sacramento Kings: If back-to-back losses to the Clippers and Timberwolves – the latter of which happened in Sacramento – don't humble this team, then they've officially stopped caring. About anything. Those losses were rendered even more mystifying on Sunday night when they pulled off a big-time road win over the Lakers. Said Ron Artest: "Wow, we just stepped up against the good team. It's unfortunate we can’t step up against the bad teams." Pretty much, yeah.

Seattle SuperSonics: I know they suck, and I know that the 76ers have been playing great lately, but 34 point losses to sub-.500 teams always merit a mention in Worst of the Weekend. Especially when Samuel Dalembert dunks you into a bleary-eyed submission. On Sunday, the Sonics continued to get their junk handed to them by heretofore comatose big men when they were defeated by the Rasho Nesterovic-led Toronto Raptors. (Don't bother to schedule an appointment with an ophthalmologist; you read that correctly.)

Wally Szczerbiak: Everyone in Cleveland is still waiting for Wally to be the shooter they traded for. But he's hit only 27-for-85 (31 percent) since getting traded to the Cavs, including 8-for-25 this weekend versus the Bulls and Pacers. For the record, his PER has dropped from 15.8 to 9.0 since the trade. On the flipside, Larry Hughes' PER has gone from 11.8 to 15.3. So, ahem John Hollinger. You have some 'splaining to do.

Yahoo box scores: Check out this box score from the Kings/Lakers game. I find it rather amazing, and amusing, that Yahoo has a picture of Beno available for their "Top Performers" box, but they didn't have one for Pau Gasol. Unless of course Pau had his face surgically altered to look like a Lakers logo. Which wouldn't totally surprise me, now that I think about it.

Labels: Atlanta Hawks, Chris Duhon, Denver Nuggets, Miami Heat, New York Knicks, Phoenix Suns, Sacramento Kings, Wally Szczerbiak

Miami Heat: Not only did the Heat (8-29) lose their 11th consecutive game, they cost me a complete set of mint condition Larry Bird porcelain dinner wear. (Damn you, Katchoo.) If Pat Riley thought the return of Shaq -- and a surprisingly effective Shaq at that (24 points, 10 rebounds) -- would alter his team's trancelike play, then he really didn't know his team. But I think it's finally sinking in that the Heat, the team he himself built, is wholly and inescapably awful. Said Riley: "That was as complete a loss as you can have. The team didn't quit, it's just bad. When you give up 126 points defensively at home and you've already lost 10 in a row, it's bad. I have now, tonight, at this moment, no answers for it."

The Bulls rank 23rd in the league in points per game (94.6) and dead-last in field goal percentage (42.3). Yet against the Heat, Chicago scored a season-high 126 points on a season-high 57 percent shooting. So the obvious problem the Heat are facing isn't offensive ineptitude (although they certainly aren't great on that front). It's complete indifference on the defensive end. And defense, it should be noted, is more about effort and concentration than skill and athletic ability (just refer to the Collected Works of Bruce Bowen for details). The team's will has been completely and utterly broken, as evidenced by Dwyane Wade's dispirited post-game comments: "We lose every time. We lose and it's a fact of life. It's not easy."

The Heat's lowest moment (and there were many) came in the closing minutes when the Bulls' human victory cigar Viktor Khryapa dunked on them. But not just any dunk. Khryapa shambled gracelessly under the hoop and threw down a reverse dunk. Hubie Brown, bless his mummified soul, tried to ignore this, but Mike Tirico simply couldn't help himself (and who can blame him?). Said Tirico: "When Viktor Khryapa reverse dunks on you, you know it's good night."

Miami Heat home crowd: Did I mention that this loss -- in which the Heat got blown out by a lowly, fragmented Bulls team -- happened in Miami? Maybe the Heat would have been a little fired up if more than five or six people had shown up at the start of the game. Seriously, there were more people on the Bulls bench than there were in the crowd. Okay, that's an exaggeration, but at least the Bulls bench was full. The crowd eventually filled out a little bit, but by then the home team was sleepwalking their way through another blowout loss, ensuring that pretty much everybody not wearing a Bulls jersey went home unhappy.

Chris Duhon: On a night when almost every other Chicago Bulls player was on fire, Du-Du shot 1-for-7 from the field. Furthermore, he's 15-of-69 (21 percent) over his last 11 games.

Sacramento Kings: The Kings had been playing their collective hearts out lately, winning three of four, including victories against Orlando (24-17) and Dallas (26-12). And with Kevin Martin, Mike Bibby, and Ron Artest all finally back from injury, the team was finally, at long last, back to full strength. The response was a 15-point shellacking by the Raptors. Kings coach Reggie Theus thinks his team was a little too selfish (19 assists, 20 turnovers). Said Theus: "Right now, everyone who catches the ball takes a look at the rim instead of swinging it. That's a technical thing that can be fixed right away but it's something they have to work out themselves." Maybe it's just me, but I think that defense might have been the real problem. Chris Bosh hit 11-of-12 shots, and Jose Calderon scored 17 points (7-for-11) and dished out 14 assists. Even Carlos Delfino hit 8-of-11. But hey, at least the Kings held Jason Kapono to 3-of-9 shooting.

Orlando Magic: The Bobcats, who have suddenly become the league's Giant Killers, crawled out of a 19-point third quarter hole to stun the Magic. Dwight Howard was awesome (24 points, 21 rebounds), but the Magic's careless ball movement was not (12 assists, 18 turnovers). And that, quite frankly, boggled the mind of Magic coach Stan Van Gundy: "Our turnovers were mindless and mindboggling. You've got to be able to handle the ball. When you have a 19-point lead and a good veteran team that handles the ball solidly and makes solid plays and doesn't break down defensively, then you're probably going to win that game. But we didn't do any of those things. It's frustrating." It could be worse, Stan. You could still be coaching the Heat.

Golden State Warriors: There's a doctrine in pickup basketball that states: "Defense is just waiting to get back on offense." No professional team embraces that streetball concept quite like the Warrors, who allowed the Indiana Pacers to score 46 points in the fourth quarter for a dramatic come-from-behind win. Stephen Jackson, who was licking his chops in anticipation of a revenge game (of the "See what you gave up" variety), expressed his frustration in typically violent terms: "We didn't put our feet on their necks and finish the game in the first half. We let them stay around."

New Jersey Nets: Can anybody stop the Knicks?! The Nets certainly couldn't, despite leading by 15 after the first quarter and maintaining a double-digit lead for most of the first half. You know, Jason Kidd, Vince Carter, and Richard Jefferson are all healthy. Well, physically, anyway. Of course, we all know that Kidd wants out of New Jersey and Vince Carter stopped caring about anything beyond which headband he's going to wear during the game. It's pretty clear that the time for change is right now in Netsland.

Jamaal Magloire: Wasn't this guy an All-Star a few years ago? Last night he scored zero points to go along with one rebound and one personal foul. It was the 9th time he's gone scoreless in the 22 games he's actually been allowed to play. You know, he might actually be worse than Jason Collins.

Jake Voskuhl: He notched a three trillion against the Hawks last night. Whew. It's been a while since I've been able to hand out a trillion award.

Nick Collison: On Monday, he had a career-game against the Lakers: 24 points (10-of-14), 18 rebounds, 2 blocked shots. Well, somebody must have put bad ju-ju in his magic sauce, because he followed up that miracle performance by scoring 2 points (1-for-6) and grabbing 5 rebounds.

Morris Peterson: His team scored 123 points on 51 percent shooting, but not because of him. Mo Pete scored 3 points on 1-for-9 shooting.

Labels: Chicago Bulls, Chris Duhon, Golden State Warriors, Jaamal Magloire, Miami Heat, New Jersey Nets, Nick Collison, Orlando Magic, Pat Riley, Sacramento Kings, Shaq, Worst of the Night

"Hey Eddy, I'd play you more minutes,but you're fat...you know, like this."
Sacramento Kings: Expecations for the Kings aren't exactly high right now, considering that they're missing their three best players (Kevin Martin, Mike Bibby, and Ron Artest). However, there are losses and then there are heartbreaking losses. The Kings had their hearts broken twice in a winless weekend. On Friday night, they outshot the Cavaliers 55 percent to 38, but they negated their hot shooting by committing 22 turnovers and giving up 23 points to Cleveland's bench in the fourth quarter of the four-point loss. On Saturday night, they lost by one point on a Ben Wallace freethrow, which would have been humiliating enough, but Wallace then got away with wacking Brad Miller's hand on the Kings' last-second shot.

Chris Duhon: Is he in a shooting slump? Well, let's put it this way: He's hit only one field goal in 21 attempts over his last four games, including Saturday's 0-for-7 performance against the Kings. He's also 0-for-14 from three-point range in that stretch.

Jason Collins: Wednesday night's 10-point explosion must have taken something out of him, because he returned to form over the weekend: Zero points (0-for-1) and 3 rebounds in 23 minutes of "action" over two games.

Ray Allen: The Memphis Grizzlies are the second worst defensive team in the league in terms of points per game (104.3) and the third worst in terms of opponents' field goal percentage ( 46.9), yet they somehow held Allen to 2 points on 0-for-9 shooting (including 0-for-3 from downtown). The next night he was better, but barely, in scoring 9 points (on 3-for-8 shooting) against the Pistons.

Rajon Rondo: The Celtics' supposed Achilles' heel was just that this weekend. He scored 4 points (2-for-9) against the Grizzlies and 3 points (1-for-7) against the Pistons. He also only dished out a single assist all weekend while committing 6 turnovers. Yet, as I pointed out above, the Celtics still managed to rack up a couple wins.

Dallas Mavericks: So let me get this straight. They had to come from behind in the fourth quarter at home to beat a Miami Heat team that was without Dwyane Wade, Shaq, and Jason Williams? I really don't get the Mavericks this year. Everything about them statistically, including their win-loss record (23-11), indicates that they're one of the best teams in the league. But I simply don't trust them from game to game.

Miami Heat: Wade is in and out. Shaq is just out. They've lost seven games in a row, nine of 10, and they're 8-26 overall. Adding insult to misery, Wade missed two freethrows that could have tied the game against Memphis with about a minute left. I guess that's what happens when a team sells its soul for a championship.

Chauncy Billups: "Mr. Big Shot" missed three freethrows in the fourth quarter of the Piston's 92-85 loss to the Celtics. He also missed a critical three-pointer in the closing minutes that could have given his team the lead (he was 3-for-9 from three-point range for the game). Then, rather than giving the Celtics credit after the game, he tried to diminish the impact of their victory. "They're a little more happy than we were when we won our game at their place. It was just a regular game for us with two good teams playing. They were kind of playing like it was the Super Bowl. There was probably a little more at stake for them and their psyche than it was for us." Actually, the Celtics have been celebrating every victory like that, all season long. They just love winning. It kind of reminds me how some people, including Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, used to criticize Magic for how he'd celebrate after "meaningless" regular season victories. Then Magic went on to win five championships. I'm just sayin'.

New York Knicks: That's seven losses in a row, eight out of 10, and an 8-24 record. In other news, a 22-year-old college student was arrested outside Madison Square Garden last week for selling t-shirts that said, "Don't Hate The Player Or The Game. Hate The Coach." The man in question, one Ivan Cash, said Cash thinks the arrest was meant "to put a lid on all the demands by fans for a new coach.'' Tough time to be a Knicks fan.

Phoenix Suns: On Saturday night, the Suns outshot, out-rebounded, and out-assisted the Hornets, but still suffered a come-from-ahead loss at home. Despite having 12 blocked shots as a team, the Suns defense was porous enough to allow Jannero Pargo to score 19 points on 8-of-12 shooting. It was Pargo's season-high, and his highest point total since March 27, 2006.

Philadelphia 76ers: Remember last season how everybody figured the Iverson trade was kind of a wash? Well, this season the Sixers are 14-20 while the Nuggets are 21-12 and leading their division. On Sunday, Iverson had a classic "see what you lost" revenge game against his former team: 38 points (14-of-25), 8 assists, and, most importantly, a 109-96 victory.

Sasha Pavlovic: Remember how excited the Cavaliers were to finally resign Pavlovic? I would guess they're decidedly less excited right about now. Sasha's currently shooting a career-worst 33 percent from the field and 29 percent from three-point range (compaired to 45 and 40 last season). He hasn't hit 50 percent of his shots since December 11th; in fact, he's only shot 50 percent or better five times in 31 games this season. He's only 20-for-70 over his last 10 games, including two games this weekend in which he was 4-for-11 and 0-for-7. Bottom line: He's not quite the zone-buster the Cavs had hoped.

Kevin Durant: He's the second-worst percentage shooter in Seattle's regular rotation (7-for-21 on Sunday), yet he averages seven more shot attempts per game than the next closest player (Chris Wilcox). He also averages more turnovers (3.0) than assists (2.1). With the way the Trailblazers are playing, I think that the mere thought of Greg Oden deserves Rookie of the Year.

Michael Finley: His 1-for-10 shooting let the Clippers stay close on Sunday. Of course, Bruce Bowen's 1-for-8 didn't help either. Anybody notice the Spurs haven't been playing so great lately? They've been playing just good enough to win, but that's hardly impressive, especially after a couple close calls against the Knicks and Clippers. We'll see how they play tonight at Golden State.

Update -- Malik Allen: Many thanks to reader Xing Quan, whose keen eyes discovered Allen's amazing feat: A 12 trillion (!!) in the Nets' 113-107 win over the Hawks. This matches the largest known "trillion" score I've ever seen, which was accomplished by Damon Jones in Game 1 of the 2007 NBA Finals. It's one thing to be a role player. It's another thing to really suck. And it's an entirely different thing when you're 6'10", 255 pounds, and you can't haul down a single rebound or even commit a foul in 12 minutes of playing time. Did anyone actually see the game? Can anyone confirm that Malik actually played? Did someone put on his jersey by mistake?

Labels: Chauncy Billups, Chris Duhon, Dallas Mavericks, Jason Collins, Miami Heat, New York Knicks, Philadelphia 76ers, Phoenix Suns, Rajon Rondo, Ray Allen, Sacramento Kings