Lance and Danilo are in two different movies

Terry celebrated his one basket the only way he knows how

The Celtics: The Jet crashed into the mountain this time around. Jason Terry's minutes were only 2nd to Paul Pierce, but don't look for an explanation in his 1 for 12 shooting. I should probably change this entry to say Jason Terry instead of the Celtics because Boston only lost by 1 point to the 76ers. Still, at this point, that means I would have to move the cursor all the way up there, and then delete the title of this entry and type a new one, and I'd rather just do more work by typing out this superflous explanatory sentence.

Plus, the more I look at the stats for the game, the more it seems like the Celtics really do deserve an entry. None of Philadelphia's three top scorers were able to accumulate more points than field goal attempts. Plus, Thaddeus Young apparently wore leopard skin shoes to the locker room. That's not necessarily related to anything, it just makes the loss seem more severe somehow.

The Pacers: Well at least the Celtics weren't alone in being a flagship team of this blog, while losing to a team whose main scorers couldn't hit the ocean from said ship's deck. Ty Lawson missed 9 of 10 shots, Danilo missed 8 of 10, and Faried looked relatively efficient making 2 of his 7 shots. JaVale McGee took a break from appearing in Shaqtin a Fool clips, and masked his teammates terrible shooting by making all 9 of his shot attempts. The Pacers outrebounded the Nuggets and shot a better percentage overall, but they couldn't contain the wiles of Andre Miller down the stretch.

The Wizards: They lost to the Hawks by 9 points. Moving on...

It was just that kind of night for Noah

The Pistons, getting rocked by Noah machines: Joakim Noah set career highs in rebounding and scoring with 30 points and 23 rebounds. He also threw in 6 assists. I remember back when the Bulls drafted Noah; I was actually shopping for some sneakers at that moment and saw it on a store television. Being a fan of his, I was happy for the Bulls and pictured him being a solid contributor. What I did not picture, was him becoming the son of Moses Malone. Then again, I don't think Rick Morrissey ever pictured himself eating a copy of the Chicago Tribune, so Noah's proved himself to be full of surprises.

It was redemption night in Detroit for former futures of the franchise. Charlie Villanueva scored 15 points on 9 shots, and Rodney Stuckey had his best game of the season with 24 points and 7 assists. Unfortunately for him, a Noah career game is more than capable of squashing such a performance. Marco Belinelli, who's averaging under 20 minutes a game this season for the Bulls, is experiencing a surge in minutes lately that brought him within 2 seconds of 40 minutes on Friday. 

The Nyets: A season high 32 points from Joe Johnson was not enough for the home team. David Lee saw Andray Blatche's 22 points and 15 rebounds, and upped the ante with another 8 points. With numbers like that, it's no wonder that Shaq has started calling him the White Chris Webber. Except for that whole passing thing, but Shaq's probably mostly just trying to use this new nickname to piss-off Chris Webber. Still, the Caucasian version of C-webb has come along way since David Kahn was insisting it was Darko Milicic.

Streaks: Stephen Curry might have scored 28 points and won the game, but he also stopped his streak of 20 point, 10 assist games at 4. This is the largest such streak for the Warriors since the days of Tim Hardaway. This wasn't the only streak broken on Friday...

The Cavaliers: Nothing to be cavalier about here, folks. Much in the way that the Suns are no longer sunny, the Cavaliers have been inappropriately named for some time now. The safest bet in basketball, a Cavs loss and 15 rebounds from Varejao, only came through halfway against the T-pups. In typically tragic fashion, Varejao missed extending his 10 game streak by 1 rebound. Maybe the presence of Kevin Love had something to do with that. The Beach Boy descendant finished with 36 points and 13 rebounds. Sideshow Bob may have grabbed one more rebound, but Love clearly won the big man battle with 32 more points.

Varejao tries to end it all

Either team, Grizzlies versus Pelicans: The Pelicans lost, but the Grizzlies only beat them by 7 points. I don't know which is worse. Starting center Robin Lopez ended up with a 6:5 Voskuhl in over 20 minutes. Austin Rivers didn't make anyone throw-up in their mouth, scoring a career high 15 points. The Grizzlies were bailed out when Quincy Pondexter's hand caught on fire, and by a big night from Rudy Gay, 28 points, 8 rebounds, and 5 assists.

The Bobcats: After cruelly tantalizing their fans with hope to begin the season, the Bobcats have now truly returned to form. To the surprise of essentially no one, there will be no Larry Bird or David Robinson like jump in wins from the addition of Michael Kidd-Gilchrist. The Bobcats are now 7-11 and have lost 6 straight.

Jeffery Taylor lit the Bobcats way to the grave, making only 1 of 10 shots. Biyombo wasn't far behind, also only making a single shot for 2 points, despite playing over 28 minutes. Gerald Henderson, who in contrast only played 24 minutes, led the team in scoring off the bench. I haven't broke out the Cat-o-meter for a while, but this loss to the Bucks earns the team a rating of the black cat who plagued Poe's narrator in the eponymous short story.

Ersan Ilyasova gave his long suffering fantasy owners a reason to smile with 21 points and 12 rebounds. Scott Skiles wasn't having it though, and he used his coaching powers to restrict the inconsistent forward to 19 minutes on his best night of the season.

The Rockets: Only Rockets fans who play Harden on their fantasy teams would be happy about the team's Friday loss to the Spurs. Harden contributed an uber-efficient 29 points on 16 attempts, but the rest of the starting 5 for the Rockets had no such luck. Instead, they combined for 21 points on 39 shots. This game was clearly decided before the final buzzer sounded, seeing that both teams played all 13 players at their disposal.

The Raptors: Andrea Bargnani thrived in the defenseless atmosphere of this game, scoring 20 points and grabbing 8 rebounds. Unfortunately for the Raptors, essentially every player on the Jazz thrived as well. The team shot 50% from the floor, and they did even better than that from behind the line. Enes Kanter got his first NBA start, with Big Al sidelined by back spasms. The sophomore center scored 18 points and grabbed 8 rebounds. Paul Millsap filled out the frontcourt with a mathematically balanced 20 points, 10 rebounds, and 5 assists. 11 players on the Jazz scored at least 5 points.

The Magic: I don't know what to make of the Kings playing the Zeke-child nearly 30 minutes in a victory. Did I misinterpret the omens connecting the guard to the Sacramento curse? Perhaps, the spirits were appeased by his DNP-CD from the other night. Either that, or the Magic are just really bad.

The Lakers: The Lakers are completing their metamorphosis into the 2009 Knicks, ironically just at the time the Knicks are making the reverse migration. I'm sure the Buss family has already hired a team of lawyers to investigate Mike Woodson's contract. The Lakers tried to keep up with the Thunder by attempting 28 three pointers, an amount that even Russell Westbrook found excessive.

It was a tale of two halves for Westbrook, who started off more beast than man with 27 points on 10 of 16 shooting at the half. The next half wasn't as kind to him, but he still ended up with 33 points on 26 attempts. The Thunder rode the steady hand of Kevin Durant, 36 points on 19 attempts, through the turbulence.  

Lacktion:
Nuggets-Pacers: Gerald Green might be able to jump into heaven and say hello to God, but on Friday he just missed twice and committed a foul for a +3 suck differential in nearly 13 minutes spent in a Pacers uniform. Teammate Tyler Hansbrough stuck around even longer for a 5:1 Voskuhl.  
Hawks-Wizards: Earl Barron had an awesome name and nothing else on the stat sheet in 1:05. John Jenkins accomplished nothing as well in the same amount of time for the Hawks. 
Warriors-Nets: Speaking of awesome names, Festus Ezeli may start for the Warriors, but that didn't dissuade him from getting a 5:1 Voskuhl. Kent Bazemore's always welcome surname took to the court for 9 seconds.
MarShon Brooks distantly remembered being the Nets starting shooting guard, as he missed his lone shot in 3 minutes and 8 seconds for a +1 suck differential. Keith Bogans didn't want to get left behind, and he wasn't kept out of the lacktion section, with a +2 suck differential in 6 minutes and 16 seconds. Josh Childress continued to demonstrate that a +1 suck differential is as easy for him as 1:23.
Grizzlies-Pelicans: Robin Lopez ensured the team's eventual demise with a 6:5 Voskuhl in over 20 minutes as the team's starting center.
Spurs-Rockets: Omer Asik spent even more time on the court than Robin Lopez, and ended up with a worse Voskuhl, a 8:5 in 24 minutes and 4 seconds. Donatas Motiejunas made me type his name again by contributing no stats in 1 minute and 26 seconds.
Jazz-Raptors: 3 minutes and 44 seconds wasn't enough time for Aaron Gray to show off most of his 50 shades, but he did let any ladies present get a nice look at his 4:1 Voskuhl. Ed Davis was inspired by this act of exhibitionism to let a 2:1 Voskuhl hang loose for nearly 10 minutes.
Thunder-Lakers: Apparently there was something in the air on Friday, because Kendrick Perkins also got his Voshkuhl on. His 7:3 Voshkuhl in 23 minutes and 17 seconds did little to slow down the Thunder.
Kings-Magic: The Magician DeQuan Jones made two shots disappear in 4 and a half minutes for a +2 suck differential. 
Saturday:

J.R. trying to figure out who's that guy in a Bulls jersey

Gortat attempts the Superman defense

The Suns: This 18 point loss to the Clippers was the 6th in a row for the Suns. It's their worst tailspin since the final year for the Big Cactus (you know, the one where they didn't get killed by a Tim Duncan three). The Clippers showed remarkable balance, basically splitting their score evenly between bench and starters. As for the Suns, from an entertainment point of view, the highlight of the game probably occurred when Jermaine O'Neal got himself tossed for arguing a call.

The Wizards, who else: Back in the preseason the Wizards had four point guards on the roster, John Wall (injured), Shelvin Mack and Jannero Pargo (Cut), and A.J. Price (broke his hand against the Warriors). Right now, about the only true point guard they have available is Shaun Livingston. Price broke his hand 4 minutes into the game, but that didn't mean more than 14 minutes for Shaun. Instead, the Wizards opted to find out if Jordan Crawford could play point. This actually worked out well, 8 assists with 1 turnover, but it wasn't enough to counter being the Wizards.

Cleveland: A sore thigh and the Cavalier defense couldn't keep Brandon Knight from scoring a career-high 30 points. It was just the Pistons 2nd road win of the season, and featured 13 points in the 4th quarter for Knight. Anderson Varejao's rebounding numbers continued to shrink incrementally, with him grabbing 13 boards as his team lost yet again. Those 13 boards might have grown a little, if Varejao didn't leave the game in the 2nd quarter to get his elbow X-rayed. The X-rays were negative and he returned in the 3rd, which is good for a team whose two leading scorers are both out with injuries. 

The Bobcats: The headline really says it all for this one, Spurs set 3-point mark in 132-102 win over Bobcats. San Antonio scored 57 points from behind the arc, and this game was predictably over before it started. In fact, most of the interest generated by this game had nothing to do with the Bobcats, or anything else that happened Saturday. This was the first game where Duncan, Parker, and Crawford were all in the same building since a certain picture was leaked. And by a certain picture, I mean this one:

Manu Ginobli, Zorro, not pictured

The Spurs made damn sure to put this game out of the reach of any dramatic last minute whistles. You gotta love the way that the Spurs are dealing with this situation. Their absolute refusal to indulge in any hysteria has made this photo seem far less heinous than denying the Miami fans the sight of Danny Green. The Big Fundamental shook Crawford's hand before the game, and then he made it clear that he didn't give a fuck, classy style.
''I will never reference it with him,'' Duncan said. ''It's not a situation that I ever expected would get out or never expected anybody to make a big deal out of, so I'm not going to.''
Doug Collins, motivational speaker: Maybe Doug should've kept to telling his team that they're gonna be living in a van, down by the river. Somehow, the 76ers were uninspired by their coach's briefing that their opponent was old, and that Pierce and Garnett have basically played 100,000 minutes between them. The Celtics on the other hand found the news rejuvenating; or, at least in Paul Pierce's case, amusing. Weezy quipped, "It was amazing that he calculated that". He then lent Collins two of his toes and a finger, so Doug could calculate his team's points deficit. You can guess which finger.

The Pelicans: After 2 straight losses, the Heat got back to doing what they do best, bating inferior teams into thinking they have a chance, before pulling away with a big run. This time it was the Rusty Scuppers Pelicans. Although the game was mostly under control from the 2nd quarter on, the Heat weren't taking any chances, with all of their all-stars sticking around until the final minute of the 4th. Chris Bosh was kind enough to provide some amusement by blowing two dunks in a row.



The Knicks: One of these days J.R. Smith is gonna remember who Marco Belinelli is. Not only did Belinelli break the 40 minute barrier for the season, he set a career-high with 45 minutes. He didn't disappoint either, matching the NBA's leader in minutes per game, Luol Deng, with 22 points. The Bulls won despite the fact that Noah wasn't the intergalactic force he was just a day prior. In fact, he came within 1 turnover of a triple-bumble, greasing up his hands for a career-high 9 giveaways. Technically, Noah is riding a 2 game streak for setting career-highs, but I don't think it's pointing in he direction he would like.

After the Heat game, Raymond Felton must have been dreaming of jumpers, because he attempted 30 shots, 6 more than he had ever attempted in a game. Unfortunately for the Knicks, he only hit 9 of them.

The Griz: The Atlanta Hawks felt right at home in Memphis, with Sweet Lou putting his feet up on the table during a 3rd quarter stretch when they pulled ahead for good. The Grizzlies better hope that if they ever make it to the finals, Atlanta is not waiting for them. The Birds have won 10 of their last 12 games against their woodland neighbor.

The Trailblazers: Portland's generosity this season continued against the Kings. They gave the Purple Paupers their first three game streak of the season and their first road win, much in the way they had previously given the Wizards their first win.

Fruit baskets aren't even good enough for the Blazers this season. Their players have been regularly receiving all expense paid trips from their opponents. If this keeps up, Portland's DNP section is gonna start reading like a travelogue. As it stands, it's still reading like a hospital ward. Wesley Matthews injured his hip, and Nicholas Batum was clearly suffering from back pain in his limited minutes.

Things are so bad for Portland, that they are considering recalling Will Barton and Victor Claver from the Idaho Stampede. When you're looking to a D-league team that plays in Idaho for help, things have clearly gotten out of hand. Another tell tale sign of catastrophe, especially considering what year it is, would be letting opposing player John Salmons spawn 19 points and 11 assists.

Lacktion:
 
Warriors-Wizards: Ken Bazemore materialized for a 2 second Supermario.
Pistons-Cavaliers: Kevin Jones ended up with a +2 suck differential after 6 minutes and 38 seconds.
Celtics-76ers: Damien Wilkins led the 76ers in ineptitude with a +2 suck differential.
Mavericks-Rockets: Rodrigue Beaubois committed a foul in his 2 second stint, earning a Supermario and a +1 suck differential. 
Hawks-Grizzlies: Anthony Tolliver did nothing of note for a 3 trillion. Marreese Speights missed a shot in 5 minutes and 21 seconds for a +1 suck differential.  

Sunday:

Blake summarizes the game versus the Raptors

The Raptors: The Raptors threw a private birthday party for Eric Bledsoe, in the form of a 19 point loss. The 23 year old got plenty of playing time, because Chris Paul didn't have to come back in. He scored 14 points and was gifted many a generous errant pass to exchange for breakaway dunks. The only starter who stuck around through the 4th for the Clippers was Caron Butler, and he only came back in because Matt Barnes was ejected.

On Saturday night, Toronto GM Bryan Colangelo met with players and staff in a series of one-on-one meetings to address the depressing state of the franchise. Clearly, everyone involved left feeling exhilarated.

Streaks: Jamal Crawford missed what would have been his 59th straight free throw. Even though the season is young, and he's with his first year with the franchise, Jamal is already holds the Clipper record for most consecutive free throws. He also threw in another 4 point play, just to make himself feel better about the miss at the line.

The Suns: After 7 straight losses, Phoenix is deep within the winter of its discontent. So much so, that if feels strange calling them something bright and happy like the Suns. Even a lonely moon on a starless night has more joy that these poor orbs of heat and light. Against the Magic, the Suns gave us a look at how terrible they'd be without Goran Dragic (illness). This was their 7th loss in a row, something they never experienced during the Captain Canada era.

The home team's defense couldn't contain Andrew Nicholson, giving the Magic rookie a career-high. Young and old, they still flock to Phoenix for career highs. It seems that fountain of youth that Shaq talked about isn't just the medical staff. Unless the medical staff is treating rival players and possibly giving them some sort of performance enhancers before the game. That actually would explain a lot. Or maybe you can just chalk it up to a team being led in scoring by Jared Dudley and Shannon Brown, if you prefer rational explanations. And of course, defense never was their forte, so it's not surprising that even the Magic were able to shoot 52% against them. It's somewhere between sad and funny, but it's not surprising.

Kidd borrowed his ex-wife's hat for the game

The Nuggets: Carmelo Anthony returned just in time to take a 34 couric shit on his former team. This propelled the Knicks to a 6 point win. If this doesn't sound as impressive as their destruction of the Heat, keep in mind the Nuggets haven't recently lost to the Wizards. Danilo Gallinari, having been on many a shitty Knick team, was unphased by the sound of booing in the Garden, as he went on to score a highly efficient 21 points. The Knicks are currently enjoying their best home start since the 1992-93 season, deep in the heart of the Ewing era.

The Nyets: The Broped cares not for Brooklynites, and showed so, riding rambunctiously around a labyrinth of one-way roads and potholes. Monta and Brandon combined to outscore their more hyped match-ups by 26 points. In fact, both of them individually scored at least as much as Joe Johnson and Deron Williams together. This left Gerald Wallace to do the heavy lifted, and he responded with 16 rebounds and 16 points. It wasn't enough though. The former Mr. Kim Kardashian still hasn't fully recovered from Rondo going upside his head, only scoring 4 points. 

The Lakers: The 117 to 110 score doesn't begin to capture what this loss to the Jazz meant to Laker fans. They let the home team know, showering them with boos as they left the court. Although Los Angeles fans don't have the best reputation in the world, these types of displays are rare, especially now that there's the potential for pissing off Ron Artest. But such is the state of affairs in the City of Angels. Those boos aren't really coming down because the Lakers lost to the Jazz; it's because, statistically, they were expected to lose. After all, no matter who's on the roster for either team, the Jazz have won 12 games and the Lakers have won 9.

I'm sure it didn't help matters, that Kobe missed two threes in the last 33 seconds, and the team completely screwed the pooch by not fouling the Jazz until 5 seconds were left on the clock. The look on Jack Nicholson's face said it all. As a man who's accustomed to seeing the Lakers at their finest, this inability to execute grade school plays must have him wondering why he's not on a yacht somewhere.

We're about 2 games from 'Here's Johnny'

Lacktion:
Magic-Suns: DeQuan Jones was one second shy of a trillion, recording a 59 second Mario instead.
Clippers-Raptors: John Lucas the Third, who's on the Raptors now, got up close and personal with a trillion. 
Bucks-Nyets: Brooklynite Mirza Teletovic ended up with a +2 suck differential in 2 minutes. 
Knicks-Nuggets: James White counted to 5 and earned a Supermario for the Knicks.

3 Comments:
Blogger stephanie g said...
The LA meltdown is so satisfying. Still can't believe they hired Pringles. Gotta enjoy it before they get healthy and go on a run though (reverse jinx?).

Blogger Jeremy Bowers said...
Agree, love to see the lakers lose, and to my home town Jazz as well!

Blogger JerryT said...
Hey hey, washington won shooting 77 points in a game today... and while we talk bout this game using rhymes - the hornets they truly swallow like pelicans.

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