Santa trying to watch an Eagles game before the snowball incident of '68

The 86'ders: Nothing like a 17 point loss to the T-pups to show how far you've fallen in a year. Although, maybe I'm making too much of one game. I mean, it's not like they went out and won an championship and then lost to the Wizards the next year. Something like that would be far more concerning. That is, unless you're a team hoping to get better once Andrew Bynum gets healthy. Then, I'd probably worry over a 17 point loss to the Timberwolves.

The Shvredder led the way for the Minnesotans and he sliced his way to to 17 points on only 8 attempts, as many a defender's finger was lost to the blade of his shooting hand. Malcolm Lee's left groin must be feeling better because he contributed 10 points, making him one of seven nursers of Romulus to reach double digits. The Philadelphia crowd hotly booed the home team until they had cleared the court, and then drove off to the airport to boo take offs and landings. 

Free throws: How long must it go on? How many slow death marches to the free throw line have to be watched? It used to be that coaches would only break out the hack-a-audience technique in certain scenarios. Nowadays, it's whenever and wherever there's a shitty free throw shooter on the court, and the NBA is full of shitty free throw shooters.

Notice how none of these statues are shooting free throws

I mean who the hell would want to watch a late scoring duel between Mamba and Beardo develop, when they could be watching Greg Smith and Dwight Howard decide the game at the line. It's getting to the point where the Lakers signature 4th quarter play is Kobe trying to desperately heave a half-court shot before Pumaman is intentionally fouled.

The Rocket starters: Kelvin Sampson may only be an interim coach, but he might have the best name of anyone presently pacing along the sidelines. He also has some serious cojones, deciding to finish the game with James Harden, 3-19, Patrick Patterson and the bench. Toney Douglas acquitted himself admirably with 22 points, and Greg Smith added 21 while clearly winning his thrilling battle at the line with Dwight, 7-8 to 8-16.

The final Laker possession: As the Rocket's announcer so eloquently phrased it, the Lakers pooped their big boy pants. Because of his the failures of his teammates, Kobe was unable to convert on a classic Kobe assist, with both Meta and Antawn missing on put-backs as the clock wound down.

As Basketbawful reader Matt just pointed out, the Kobe assist stat is gaining some credence in the mainstream. It's good to know, that although they're about 6 years behind, the rest of the world's slowly catching up to this blog.  

Both the Pacers and the Bulls: The Pacers won with 80 points and their opponent's leading scorer was Nate Robinson. Moving on...

Whoever was trying to stop Zach Randolph: Z-Bo! Z-Bo! Z-Bo! That's what the crowd was chanting loudly, and rightfully so. The man-beast they call Z-Bo had just scored his third straight basket in overtime, and the Grizzlies were running away from the Suns. In the process, he may have given the 2012-13 NBA season its prettiest box score to date with 38 points and 22 rebounds. Both were season highs, and that point total represents his highest since moving to Memphis. The Suns likely would've won this game if not for being outrebounded 50-32. Instead, they head back to Phoenix hoping to arise from the ashes of this 1 in 6 road trip.

The Nets: It can be argued that the best part of this game occurred when Kevin Durant missed a shot.




I have honestly never seen Kevin Durant, nor anybody else in the NBA, get their head that high in comparison to the rim on a dunk attempt. It was as if he jumped over a very powerful air vent.

The Thunder bench's scant 21 points were not a big enough obstacle to keep them from victoriously emerging from Brooklyn's malfunctioning billion dollar arena. Heretofore unheard of Thabo Sedohosha started, and the newcomer scored 14 points, which this being his first NBA appearance, signified a season high. It also tied the season high of the similarly named Thabo Sefolosha, who up until this game started for Oklahoma. The Thunder big-3 outdid their Miami rivals with 75 points for Ibaka, Westbrook, and Durant. 

The WizaHeat:

James looks to the heavens against the Generals

Did somebody say Miami? Anybody who was betting against the Globetrotters last night can finally retire, as the Generals emerged victorious for once, or should I say the 2nd time, this season. The King of Carnage wailed away in incandescent furry, winding up with a triple double. The 3 riders of the Nazgul rode on, lightning a'flashing, to 70 points, but somehow, someway, the Wizards won.

I developed a distaste for the sight of slaughter my days spent working in an abbatoir in British Columbia, thusly I did not tune into the game. Which now leaves me with the same sense of regret that I'm sure about 95% of the NBA fanbase is currently experiencing. 

From a human interest story angle, empathetic fans can breathe a little easier when they think of Coach Randy Wittman. After being unable to succomb to blissful rest for six nights, the poor guy can finally sleep again.
This was a complete game, start to finish. I'll be able to sleep tonight.
It's hard not to feel for a man whose ability to sleep depends on the Wizards winning. No wonder he usually looks like...

I'd hate to have this man's nightmares

From what I can surmise, the Wizards won this game the strangest way possible—by playing as a team. Every Wizard chipped in 4 points and the team combined for 31 assists. That number, 31, just so happens to be the amount of points the non-Heatles members of the Heat scored. Or did they finally nominate a Ringo? I guess nobody every really ironed out who's who. This game would probably be their Magical Mystery Tour movie.

Lacktion:
Wizards-Heat: Udonis Haslem is leading the nominees for the team's sacrificial goat, after using his 17 minutes and 29 seconds of game time to forge a 4:3 Voskuhl from 3 fouls and 2 turnovers. 
Thunder-Nets: There were reports in Brooklyn of the ghost of Josh Childress being sited for a 15 second Mario. 
Pacers-Bulls: The Marquis de Teague's 2 second Supermario just whipped by.  

9 Comments:
Blogger Matt said...
Looks like someone at Grantland has been reading the Bawful archives...

http://www.grantland.com/story/_/id/8719297/how-kobe-bryant-missed-shots-translate-new-nba-statistic-kobe-assist

Blogger senormedia said...
"The King of Carnage wailed away in incandescent furry"

So, he's into dressing like cartoon animals and having sex after games?

Anonymous Anonymous said...
I know that this isn't bawful, but it's worth noting that Kobe just became the youngest player to reach 30,000 points.

Blogger Savio said...
So, you never saw gerald green dunking.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nOzo4pHTZ-M

Blogger Savio said...
Or watch this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D9XlaccQh6g

Anonymous oldfag said...
Merry birdmas to all of you! Kind of disappointed to see no "Night before Birdmas"-post but times change I guess. (It's already birdmas in the time zone I'm in at the moment)

Blogger Evil Ted said...
Bawful wished me a Merry Birdmas today...God bless us, everyone. I do have a couple of very solid ideas for next year's Birdmas.

ET

Blogger Glenn said...
Senormedia, that's exactly what I meant about LBJ; I'm impressed you were able to infer that. Thanks Savio, I was hoping someone would post some awesome dunk videos. I concede, Green's head is clearly higher.

Merry Birdmas one and all. I'm experiencing some strange glitch that's keeping me from posting, but follow this link http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4BUZ1_so5ak&playnext=1&list=PLFcwcij9YcBxaWb-nfsqSL1guAit4sW9E&feature=results_video.

This guy has lots of great Larry Legend videos. I know how I'm celebrating.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
James White with his Head way above the rim

http://www.youtube.com/watch?NR=1&v=jiSj3hOlc0E&feature=fvwp

Too bad this guy isn't particularly good at basketball.

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