Superstar material right there.

On our very first Worst Of The Night this season, commenter Lord Kerrance had this to say about the Boshmallow's personal hubris upon his successful attachment to the "Heatles" -

From the Toronto Star:

"Really, it’s all about being on TV at the end of the day," the five-time all-star said Tuesday. "Seriously. A guy can average 20 and 10, and nobody really cares. If you don’t see it (on U.S. national TV), then it doesn’t really happen."

Glad to know that nationally televised double-single counts. Looking forward to many more.

I replied...

I think we HAVE to do a CB4 Nationally Televised Double-Single Tracker now.

Everyone with me? :D :D

Despite encouragement by The Other Chris, Lord Kerrance worried about a stat curse from our preemptive smackdown of the 7th most important member of the South Beach triumverate...but we needn't have fretted.

It turns out that he indeed was setting the tone for a mist of mediocrity, one which can now be quantified!


Listed below are CB's nationally televised games (whether in the US or Canada) and the critical statline for this elite pillow forward - whether he earned double-digits in one category or less, or not.

Heat-Celtics (TNT)
Not a single double - he did go a mere 3-11 from the field though!

Magic-Heat (ESPN)
10 boards, 11 points - double-double

Celtics-Heat (TNT)
15 points - single-double!!!!!!!!!!

Craptors-Heat (TSN - nationally televised in Canada LOL)
12 points - single-double!

Suns-Heat (ESPN)
35 points!...and nothing else. Single-double.

Heat-Magic (ESPN)
21 points - single-double!

Heat-Cadavers (TNT)
15 points - single-double

Heat-Warriors (ESPN)
16 points - single-double

Heat-Knicks (ESPN)
26 points - single-double

Heat-Suns (TNT)
23 points AND 11 boards - double-double

Heat-Lakers (ABC)
10 assists, 27 points - double-double

Heat-Nuggets (TNT)
24 points - single-double

Heat-Bulls (WGN)
17 points, but 11 (CORRECTED) 18 bricks - negatory double-double

Heat-Thunder (ABC)
20 points - single-double!

Heat-Magic (TNT)
13 points - single-double

Heat-Celtics (ABC)
10 boards, 24 points - double-double

Heat-Craptors (TSN2 - nationally televised in Canada!)
25 points - single-double

Heat-Bulls (TNT)
11 18 bricks - single-double!!!!

Knicks-Heat (ESPN)
12 boards, 20 points - double-double


Magic-Heat (TNT)
13 points - single-double

Final Conclusion

Like a Bosh, 13 single-doubles and one less-than-single double performance (out of 20 nationally televised games) CAN'T be wrong, can they? And with one of his double-doubles resulting from having 11 bricks, this means that 70% of his nationally televised performances are middling-or-worse.

Maybe there was something to the idea that he played better rollerskating in obscurity on a bad team...just maybe.

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Anonymous Anonymous said...
Heat-Bulls (TNT)
11 bricks - single-double!!!!

Are you trying to hide six of his bricks?
I expect full disclosure in all brick-related matters.

Anonymous kazam92 said...
Way to rub salt in the round

To be fair, there are a lot of good rebounders on our team and he leads us. LeBron and Wade each get 7. Mike Miller gets around 5. Ilgauskus's corpse still can board.

Blogger LotharBot said...
There's also the double-single or triple-single. Likea Bosh has had a few of those this season.

My wife suggested Likea Bosh is a "flower forward".

I was going to suggest "cower forward", but someone beat me to it in the previous thread.

Blogger Paul said...
Charlie Sheen on "Piers Morgan".
--We talkin' bout practice? --

When asked if he ever missed any days at work, "I never missed a shooting day, maybe a re-hersal day, but... but... we talkin' bout practice!"

Pure gold!
Hope somebody is recording that shit and can post the vid.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
This just made my evening

Anonymous The Unknown Miner said...
Wow. The Knicks suck donkey choad.

Blogger Mr. Satan said...
Holy fishsticks! The cHeat just suffered a rather beautifully well-organized 3 point blitz. [Courtesy of the San Antonio Spurs. :] ]

Anonymous Franz said...
Suns vs Bucks

One point guard had 6 shots vs 13 assists.

The other had 17 shots vs 1 assist.

Guess who was who, and which team won.

Blogger Mr. Satan said...
The Spurs just completely annihilated the Heat. I sure hope ESPN and all the Heat nuthuggers can stop acknowledging them as 'contenders' this time.

Anonymous kazam92 said...
Well we just got Matt Boner'd in the ass. Saw this coming a mile away


You think he read this post?

Anonymous Reignman said...
I can't ask for more right now. A 30 point beatdown. Eight spurs scoring in double digits. Steve fucking Novak with 6 points! And Tony Parker's 2-4 weeks injury somehow healed in two games. What the hell is going on? Did I die and go to spur fan heaven?

Blogger The Dude Abides said...
Ugh...Fisher's elbow injury is just gruesome to watch. Probably just a sprain, though.

Anonymous nightdreamer said...
More suggested names for Chris Bosh's position:

Puffy Forward
Pooh-bear Forward

Anonymous CRJoe said...
As a Pacers/Knicks fan... This past couple of weeks have been terrible to watch... After 5 years of pure and utter depression, I really thought both teams we're on the verge of a breakthrough... And tonite it hit me... This is it, neither franchise is gonna get any better than what they are right now, at least for the next 5 years... A whole decade of bawfulness... You just can't make this stuff up...

Anonymous Mladen said...
I may have commented on this before, but it's just too hilarious not to mention again: the commentator keeps referring to Matt Bonner (or is it Boner?) as The Red Rocket...Seriously? This is just too good to be true.

Also, yeah - it's tough to be a Heat fan nowadays. Luckily, since I have no official affiliation with Miami, I can just sit back, relax, and enjoy some other fine teams, who do not suck balls.

Anonymous Reignman said...
Also, lol Knicks losing AGAIN to the Cadavers. Mike D'Antoni should be fired immediately for letting that happen.

Anonymous Shing said...
How is 35 points in 17 FGA with 6 rebounds and 4 assists a bad game? I don't care if it's a soft player like Chris Bosh or Micheal Jordan who does it, it's a nice game.

Blogger Wormboy said...
Now that's the Erick Dampier who cost Dallas a championship. Well done, Erick. Doing the same to Miami is brilliant. LeBron, take note. THIS is karma. Just for Dywane.

Blogger chris said...
Shing - it isn't a bad game per se, BUT it does fit the category of nationally televised single double that is being sought here. ;)

Blogger stephanie g said...
Bosh? More like Posh.

(can't take credit for that one)

Mladen: He's been the red rocket for years. It's bawfultastic.

Maybe I'm wrong, but I feel like LeBron got most of his stats in garbage time. OK, the entire game was garbage time, but I mean the part where the trash was being compacted into a cube by an industrial strength press.

Anonymous kazam92 said...
No, with the exception of Bosh maybe they all got the stats in garbage time. I absolutely hated Wade's body language that game. This team learned nothing. Bulls are gonna ream us.

Anonymous Czernobog said...
@Mladen: He's called the Red Rocket from his days in Toronto when he used to ride the Red Rocket subway trains.

Anonymous Cetti said...
what is the basketbawful community's opinion on kyle montgomery?

Blogger tonious35 said...
Mr. Bawful,

The best defense is the power of brain sucking:,getty:20050301:nba,photo,30faf4b73f061018eaafbc516a3daf69-getty-basket-britain-new-jersey-raptors:1


Blogger JohnSmith said...
As a loyal reader of yours (but a rare commenter), I have 3 things to say:
1) Craptors suck. Doesn't matter that they played in Europe. Today. and yesterday. They suck (t)here as much as ever...or even more.
2) Nyets (njets) also suck. As Miša (M. Prokhorof)would say: 'oh bljad'
3) Anyone interested in League Pass access? I'm up until morning...well, not too often. +7 hours are usually too much. If yea, email

Blogger JohnSmith said...
As a loyal reader (but a rare commenter) I have that to say. Besides saying 'oh, you're cool'

1) the craptors suck. Even in London. May be it is because London also sucks. (Though not as much as Glasgow or...well...the craptors)
2) The Nyets (njets) also suck. As Miša (M. Prokhorov) would say: 'oi bljad. Nahui mne nada bõla etava jebannava kluba pakupit?'
3. Anyone interested in League Pass access? Being in Europe, I hardly ever use it (yawn, sleep)
If yes, shoot me an email:

Blogger Mr. Satan said...
I guess Sasha Vujacic wanted to score 25 points this time because he can score 20 or 30 whenever he wants to right?

Blogger stephanie g said...
Arroyo to Boston. So that means Miami's starting PG is Boston's third string PG.

Blogger The Sports Hayes said...
I bash Carlos Arroyo and then the Celtics pick him up, talk about getting my just desserts lol

Anonymous Guan said...
i love ur blog, i check a few times everyday looking for updates

Anonymous kazam92 said...
It pains to me see Arroyo go there. I just hope he realizes he won't have an entire hispanic section at games cheering for him.

Before: "Carrrrlos Arrrrrrrroyo!"

After: "Carlos Arroyo!"

P.S. I hope the Celtics play this at their games now

Anonymous EuroGuy said...

What the hell is going on? Did I die and go to spur fan heaven?

Somebody sold his soul, that's what happened. I'm guessing Tony Parker...

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Mr. Satan-

I know, right? He needs to stop being so kind and considerate and start jacking up more shots- his team needs him!

Anonymous Aaron said...
Lebron calls David Stein. Lebron doesn't want Lebron to appear in any NBA commercials unless the Heat only plays Washington from now on!

Blogger stephanie g said...
Not 1, not 2, not 3, not 4, not 5, not 6, not 7...

LeBron had an open FT line pull up if he wanted. But I guess going right at Noah with a left handed layup brick is a better idea.

Anonymous kazam92 said...
I want to punch Luol Deng in the fucking stomach. Piece of shit.

Anonymous Aaron said...
Twitter feed @WindhorstESPN: Spoelstra said some Heat players are crying in the locker room at the moment.

Anonymous kono said...
From ESPN recap of Bulls @ Heat:

And when it was over, Spoelstra said some in the Heat locker room were moved to tears.

"Just to come up short again and again, it hurts," Bosh said. "We all want to win. We all want to win very badly."

Why do you think Bosh keeps crying? Do you think Lebron and Dwade paddle him after every loss?

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Divine intervention just caused me to flip my TV on at the exact moment Artest met 'Bob from San Antonio'. This will most likely be on Youtube before my sissy anonymous comment is approved, but it should rival the Raptors Mascot clip in its longevity. Bravo.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
From Windhorst:

"Spoelstra said some Heat players are crying in the locker room at the moment. "

Then 30 minutes later
"Bosh said he was not one of the guys crying but that he almost did. "

Time for the internet detectives to figure out who the leaky eyes belong to!

Anonymous antifreeze said...
another beautiful single-double by bosh this evening against the bulls, with 23 points. he managed to grab 5 rebounds despite playing 42 minutes.

that is all.

Anonymous flunze said...


Anonymous Karc said...
On Miami-Chicago - Wade's turnaround jumper at the buzzer was a much better look than whatever the hell LeBron was doing running along the basline into three defenders. Then he has the audacity to quote, "I’m not going to continue to fail late in games." That's the problem, King Crab. Wade should be taking these shots. When Bosh is taking threes with the game on the line, you've got a problem.

On Lakers-Spurs - Lakers look impressive, really? After getting 65 in the first half, they couldn't crack 100 against the Spurs BENCH. Phil Jackson has to put the starters back in after Duncan, Parker, and Ginobili had long-since checked out. Yeah, that's not happening in the playoffs. I was just waiting for the inevitable meltdown. ABC didn't disappoint, highlighting some goof named "Bob" who was another innocent victim of Ron Artest, and interviewing Magic (who clearly wasn't in postseason form, my god he was huge).

I'm mostly kidding, btw, the game was over at halftime and everyone in the building knew it.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Dwyane Wade? He took a different, snottier, approach. From the AP:
"The Miami Heat are exactly what everyone wanted, losing games," Wade said. "The world is better now because the Heat is losing."

Via Ball don't lie.

What a giant salty vagina. Can we keep him away from the razors and get him some Linkin Park? Please?

Blogger The Dude Abides said...
The Lakers would have won by 40 today if Kobe were clutch :(

Anonymous CRJoe said...
Man I just realized the FUNNIEST (that's right, CAPITALS!!!) thing...
Every team that defeats Miami losses the immediately next game...
New York took 'em and then lost at Orlando...
Orlando won on Thursday, and then lost to the Bulls...
And San Antonio whipped their asses and then took a beating from L.A. ...
Has the "Evil Big Three" mastered the forces of Karma???

Anonymous SirGirthNasty said...
How about Mario Chalmers providing some late game heroics with a 3 and a layup on back-to-back possessions? With all the pre-season talk of how these 'alpha males' would co-exist, seems like they've all decided to tape their collective dicks in the ol' tuck-and-under. I'm a Lakers fan, so I'm starting to feel a little more positive with this post All-Star break surge. They had better beat the Heat on the road.

Anyone else nearly laugh at Wade's woe-is-me attitude at the post-game conference? "“This is what everyone wanted. The world’s better now because the Heat are losing." Like, does this asshole believe they're being victimized in some way? You're 3 of the top-10 players in the league and you danced and shouted your way through the most over-the-top introduction with that embarrassing stage and smoke machine bullshit back in the summer. Fuck you, D-Wade.

Blogger Unknown said...
Knicks just kept a team under 80 points. Prepare to be skull fucked demons.

Anonymous CRJoe said...
Ladies & gentlemen: Mr. BigShot!!! Vincent Lamar Carter!!!

Anonymous Anonymous said...
I demand that basketbawful spend at least three paragraphs explaining/mocking these pictures:

thank you, much appreciated.

Anonymous The Other Chris said...
Truly bawful officiating at the end of that Suns/Thunder game. Russell Westbrook forearming Steve Nash into Ibaka at the end of regulation; no call. Phantom foul on the Harden dunk. Phantom foul on the Carter 3-point attempt. (He sold it!, as the Phoenix announcers exclaimed gleefully).

Of course Vag Carter goes and bonks the last two freebies after "earning" said foul and a chance to tie up the game. Vincent Lamar Carter, indeed.

The Heat? 5-12 in games decided by 5 points or less. 'Nuff said.

And Dwayne Wade's pity party is pathetic. What is he, 17, on the internet and complaining that no girls like him? You wanted the spotlight, you wanted to compete for championships - or bask in the glow of your own enormous egos, haven't figured out which yet - guess what, media scrutiny comes with that. Look at the Lakers for fuck's sake. Every time Kobe sneezes, the internet goes bananas. You made your fucking bed, now lie in it. Or lock yourself in your room, cut yourself and listen to Elliott Smith.

Blogger chris said...
And Dwayne Wade's pity party is pathetic. What is he, 17, on the internet and complaining that no girls like him?

Ya mean that a goofy bowtie does NOT make people fall in love with you? Whodda thunk it!??!?!?!

Anonymous Stockton said...
Well, it's a good time to check how good LeBron is... mind you, the man is compared to Jordan, so...
Let's face it: nobody likes the Heat (except the usual a$$ lickers), everybody doubts them and drools at every single loss.
So... what would happen if it was MJ? He would cry and bitch about how nobody likes him???
Or would he punch some teamate in the face and drop 50 for the next 10 games?
Let's see who is who...

PS: I won't even mention Chris Posh, he is just a third fiddler... like Boozer, West...

Anonymous Barry said...
Purely by chance, both LeBron and Wade are bound to hit a late game winner sooner or later, right? Right?


Anonymous kazam92 said...
So I know everyone hates this team, but will no one acknowledge that second foul on Deng was the most ghastly bit of officiating in recent memory? He pretty much tripped on his own fucking feet!

Anonymous Aaron said...
LeBron is still clutch according to ESPN.

Anonymous The Other Chris said...
But will no one acknowledge that second foul on Deng was the most ghastly bit of officiating in recent memory? He pretty much tripped on his own fucking feet!

I saw one very quick replay and it was impossible to tell what happened. I'll go check it out on

Regardless, the Heat:

a) Put themselves in that position at the end of the game by collapsing in the second half, again.

b) Put themselves in that position by not rebounding the free throw.

c) Still had a chance to win the game from both of their all-world players.

Yeah, it probably was a terrible call. But it's easy to play the coulda/woulda/shoulda game. If the Heat still had a 6 point lead at that point, who cares if the refs blow a call?