In the wake of the Celtics' Kendrick Perkins trade, my unintentionally incendiary post about the trade, and Doc Rivers' assertion that "[I] feel like [I] lost a family member today," I decided to take my devotion to the Celtics and this Web site to a new level.

This past weekend, I tested Doc Rivers theory and traded my 9-year-old son (the one I felt has the least potential) to another family for their son. I made sure to trade my son to a family that wasn't in my grammar school district, so that I wouldn't have to worry about his talents impeding my own family's success (at least not until high school rolls around), and I made sure that I got a kid who's skills filled some voids, and would compliment the skills of the rest of my family.

The experience has been interesting, to say the least. My new son, Bobby, is fitting in well, and we're getting used to the change. I think in the end, we'll be a better family for it, but I still have lingering emotions, and can now confidently confirm that Doc Rivers was right - it totally feels like I traded Kendrick Perkins to the Thunder.

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47 Comments:
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Did I go to a Celtics blog by mistake? Perkins is fucking worthless and is damaged goods now anyway.

Anonymous waylander said...
Anon: geez, let's not start this again. ET put up a really funny post!

Anonymous Patrick said...
Yes, this was funny.

Blogger Jeremy Bowers said...
Really?!?! You're going to complain about losing Perkins? You didn't lose Rondo, Garnett, Pierce, or Allen, like Utah lost its star. I still feel like I'm going to throw up after losing Deron Williams. I miss Boozer and Williams... sniff...

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Is this yet another "I'm covering for Bawful since he's too drunk and/or lazy to do a WOTN post"?

Blogger Evil Ted said...
Waylander: after that "wow, take it easy" comment from anon, I at first read your comment as (to me) "let's not start this again. ET, put up a funny post!"

That almost killed my spirit. But thankfully, I re-read, and appreciate your positive mojo.

ET

Blogger Evil Ted said...
Has Yams or someone else with a chip on their shoulder gone anonyomous? huh...

Anonymous Czernobog said...
Your son is consummate pro. I like his attitude.

Anonymous The Other Chris said...
I, for one, look forward to future posts documenting the (now dramatically improved) mathematical prowess of your clan.

Wait, actually, that sounds like it would be kinda boring. But keep up the awesomeness anyways.

Did I go to a Celtics blog by mistake?

Did someone call the Fun Police by mistake?

Is this yet another "I'm covering for Bawful since he's too drunk and/or lazy to do a WOTN post"?

In the world I live in, people are allowed - nay, encouraged - to get drunk on a Tuesday night, if circumstances demand it.

But seriously, who pissed on everyone's cornflakes?

Blogger Preveen said...
Thought you boys posting here already knew the internet was full of anonymous keyboard warriors. :D

Blogger WhalesLarry said...
The only thing missing from this is the term "upside".

Anonymous Hilary said...
I'm glad you're feeling better about losing your original son... I truly don't think you were going to be able to meet those inflated allowance demands anyway.

Anonymous Axe Head said...
The video didn't include the part about the son asking for an increase in his allowance (and other perks--Pun intended!), and being denied. Then going to the Kramers and getting a fat raise.

Blogger Paul said...
hahahahaha, funny really funny shit.
"There is too many funny people in this house already"

btw somebody here said that Bibby is like 10x better than Arroyo?
Bibby is only like 2.5x better than Arroyo lol

Plus, why is Miami so hung on getting a PG? Not even Steve Nash would get to dominate the ball in that ball club.

Blogger Evil Ted said...
Axe Head - Good Call. Shoulda had the allowance bit in there. But, gotta save something for a sequel ;)

Anonymous Barry said...
"None of the Kramers are funny!"

Comedy gold once again ET.

Blogger Evil Ted said...
Thanks Barry,

And if you happen to be iconic 80's Laker mascot Dancing Barry, your praise means even more.

Incidentally, Dancing Barry is not on Wikipedia. Someone remedy that, will you?

ET

Blogger Meg said...
I laughed. That was awesome.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
I came for worst of basketball, got best of comedy. That went better than expected. Great job!

Anonymous AK Dave said...
Evil Ted: I sneeze vigorously at your attempts at humor! The Celtics suck and I intend to make a jovial post out to be something sullen and grave!

Furthermore, your children are inferior to those of Laker fans! The fact that your son will grow up idolizing the likes of Ray Allen where Laker fan children idolize Kobe clearly indicates that their futures are in serious jeopardy!

As for Bawful- SHAME ON HIM for not posting another 10,000+ words for my daily, and free enjoyment! Curse him for not being prompt and humble in delivering my daily basketball humor to my laptop personally! The nerve! Exclamation points!!!

(/kidding. But seriously- nice foosball table in your conference room! Between that and the basketball hoop you constructed, your house is nearing "MTV Cribs" status)

WV: rethod- that would be you, Anonymous #1 and #2

Blogger winnetou said...
Is this yet another "I'm covering for Bawful since he's too drunk and/or lazy to do a WOTN post"?
In addition to what the other Chris said: on this site, that should be "Bawful is indisposed due to flue-like symptoms".

Anonymous The Nightbringer said...
Heheh, I lawled.

Also, one youtube user compares the NBA trading scene to the slave trade:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PIStW5k9Tj8

"THE NBA IS A BUNCH OF F*CKIN SLAVE OWNERS"

Deep stuff, right?

Anonymous Nico said...
"This is never easy..." I bet 98% of ever talk about a player being traded between player and coach/management begins with those four words.

Blogger Josh said...
EvilTed, YouTube is blocked at work so I'll have to watch the video when I get home but if it makes me chuckle half as much as the article did, I'm sure I'll enjoy it.

Somewhat off topic but this is something rattling around in my head:

When the Lakers retire Kobe's jersey, which number will they retire, 8 or 24? If the Lakers don't 3-peat this year (and that's not what this discussion is about, I'm not opening that can of worms =P) then the 3-peat in #8 stands out.

However, considering Kobe's accomplishments since changing numbers, especially considering he seemingly sets a new record every few games or so, retiring 24 makes much more sense with or without another 3-peat. So I'd assume #24 would be retired, right?

Anonymous kazam92 said...
Paul, Bibby becomes our 4th or 5th best player already. That's a testament to how bad it is here. It's sad what happened to Arroyo and he toned down his game to work here, but he just didn't give you anything but a few open jumpshots. Trick Or Treat Chalmers is just maddening and I can write a 5 page rant on him

Bibby was hitting an absurd clip of 44% on 3's in ATL. He'll be open for days here. The PG's always were, but they never consistently made shots. If he simply hits his shots, he's already a massive upgrade. More importantly, he can run an offense better than the other two guys. Experience matters.

He is a statue on D, but so was Arroyo and Chalmers can't keep anyone in front of him to save his life.




Also, ET, is your daughter the equivalent of Nate then?

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
Seconding lack of "upside" and increased allowance negotiations.

And your daughter is Carlos Arroyo.

Blogger Dan B. said...
I look forward to the "Sad Evil Ted's Kid" Tumblr page.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
I thought "Trick Or Treat" was Simmons-reserved for Tony Allen, not to mention "Superintendent Chalmers" or even the more metahumor "Super Mario Chalmers" were his de facto nicknames.

Blogger Evil Ted said...
kazam - Didn't think of my daughter as Nate (was just going for last second yuks), but I like the way you guys think!

AK Dave - That's a rotating combo-foosball-air-hockey-mini-pool table...CALL MTV!

Anonymous The Other Chris said...

Blogger Rogue said...
@ Evil Ted, this was certainly upgrade, your post made me chuckle but the video was awesome, not funny. As for no WOT post , AK Dave said it the best " As for Bawful- SHAME ON HIM for not posting another 10,000+ words for my daily, and free enjoyment! Curse him for not being prompt and humble in delivering my daily basketball humor to my laptop personally! The nerve! Exclamation points!!! "

p.s Kevin Love's DD streak is still going .... for shame Lakers. :(

Blogger Rogue said...
So what's the update on Cuban vs Bissinger ? Did they meet last night ?

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
Ah, got me on that one. D'oh!

Blogger chris said...
OH.

SHNAP.

Hardwood Paroxyism just tweeted a link to THIS very Basketbawful post.

Mind = blown.

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT

Blogger KHayes666 said...
Anyone know the whereabouts of Jake Voshkul and Mario West these days? Just wondering

Blogger Wormboy said...
GOLD. I grovel at your feet, sir.

And your kid is pure awesome.

Blogger draftaraujo said...
I love that there is a Perkins Meme

http://i19.photobucket.com/albums/b163/VikingsCelticFan/perkmeme4.jpg

Blogger elbow > face said...
Great video!

@anonymous at the top of the page, do the world a favor and promptly die in a fire.

Anonymous kazam92 said...
Anaconda, yeah I took it from Simmons. With Tony Allen, you at least always got a world class defender.

In these parts he is actually known as Sorrio Chalmers followed by the hashtag #CML (Chalmers My Life)

(instead of FML fuck my life)

Blogger Rogue said...
Okaaay, earlier the bulls video was up and now I realized new video is up . So I take that my earlier comment back and your video is not just awesome but also super funny. A++++
I luv it. NICE WORK ET.

Anonymous BirdDog said...
Overlooked in all the excitement of the video (which was awesome, by the way ET):

Three of the five "Up Next" YouTube videos after Evil Ted's ends are Taylor Swift songs, and one is a World Trade Center tribute video.

So many questions.

Anonymous Shiv said...
ET, I think I love you. I think Perkins took it harder than your son though.

Anonymous dave m said...
Seems like a solid trade, did you get any cash consideration or dibs on future births?

Blogger The Dude Abides said...
Depending on how Ms. Kramer looks, could you have also gotten prima nocta rights out of the trade?

Blogger Evil Ted said...
Dude - Didn't one of the nobles in Braveheart exercise prima nocta rights? I don't think things turned out well for him...of course, I don't think things turn out well for anyone who crosses Mel Gibson...

Dave M - No cash or dibs. Damn, I knew I should have asked readers for help on this trade. I got screwed!

Shiv - Keep it platonic. But I love you too.

BirdDog - I did notice the word "trade" brought up a WTC video as next up. Talk about a buzzkill. At least it wasn't some child trafficking video or something like that...

I am saying with my whole heart that it was amazing to read this article.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
My faultm, TOC, I was trying to call the Fun Hookers and misdialed.

I laughed the whole way through, FWIW.

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