20110301-shane-battier
Pro tip: Try catching the basketball with your hands, not your face

Hard to follow up that Evil Ted post, but I don't have kids to be awesome in any videos I might do, so that's understandable, right?

Worst of the Night in Pictures:
20110301-stan-van-gundy
"Dear God! They're shutting down the buffet early!!!"


20110301-jason-terry
Lessons in How Not To Look Intimidating, starring Jason Terry


Nationally Televised Games:
Suns at Celtics, NBA TV, 7:30pm: Apparently the key is to keep the ball away from Channing Frye in the last seconds of the game. Good to know.

Rockets at Clippers, 10:30pm: Right now, the Rockets are like Willie Nelson -- they just can't wait to get on the road again. (However, I assume they smoke much less marijuana than Willie Nelson.)

All The Other Games:
Bulls at Hawks, 7pm: The Bulls and Hawks face each other three times in the next three weeks. So let's just hope this gets us off to a good start. Otherwise, it could be a long few weeks.

Spurs at Cadavers, 7pm: The Spurs are missing Tony Parker, but the Cadavers are missing a decent basketball team. Advantage: San Antonio.

Warriors at Wizards Generals, 7pm: I think this speaks volumes: ESPN's preview page of this game doesn't include a preview.

Timberwolves at Pistons, 7:30pm: All right! A chance for Darko Milicic to show the Pistons what they missed by giving up on him!

Hornets at Knicks, 7:30pm: Wait a second... you mean to tell me the Knicks have given up over 106 points per game playing Stoudemire and Carmelo Anthony together while being coached by Mike D'Antoni? Who could have ever seen this coming???

Pacers at Thunder, 8pm: Interesting note about the Pacers: Mike Dunleavy is their second highest paid player. And you wonder why this team is fighting for an 8 seed in the East.

Bobcraps at Nuggets, 9pm: I'm a bit confused. Does Charlotte even have a plan, or do they just make this stuff up as they go along? Does MJ care either way?

Frail Blazers at Kings, 10pm: Three words: Power Balance Arena. Sigh. Also, via the Onion: DeMarcus Cousins Worried He Might Have Locker Room Cancer.

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14 Comments:
Anonymous Anonymous said...
But but! Darko won't play.

Blogger KHayes666 said...
Mavs picked up Corey Brewer, his defense spells trouble for the Lakers and anyone else he has to guard.

That's a big move for that team.

Blogger elbow > face said...
Damn Jason Terrys cropdusting ass! Stop it JET, you're embarrassing us.

Anonymous William said...
Quite a mouth on Nash eh? Looked like he wanted to get thrown out, with that "That's bull****, f*** you, f*** you, f*** you, f*** you, that's bull****, f*** you, f*** you!"

You stay classy Steve!

Blogger Rogue said...
Wow, even though Bulls were leading by 17 at the half they were outscored by 20 in the last two quarters due to using Pillsbury dough boy instead of Boozer.

Anonymous BirdDog said...
Not NBA-related, but basketball-related:

Here's the story of the BYU kid that was suspended for the rest of the season for breaking the BYU honor code by "having sexual relations with his girlfriend".

http://sports.espn.go.com/ncb/news/story?id=6175090

I bring this up because, 1.) it would be much suckier to go to BYU than I originally imagined and, more importantly, 2.) to bring up this unintentionally dirty quote from the article:

"Davies...gave the Cougars length and size inside"

That's what she said.

JETs is even more annoying now that lordhenry made me aware that it costs $9.8m a year to cropdust.

Blogger rhett said...
Ballawful!
Lebron! You Twit! We aren't (as) stupid (as you think).
Just read this article on Espn about how great Lebron is for giving the $3 million he earned while doing the "Deception" (which aired live on Espn).
Anyway, he goes on to talk about how ever since he was a little kid he dreamed of growing up and giving back "everything he could".
Really. This is all you can give back? Stop sh*ttin me.
This is the guy who went to the Olympics in China and refused to show solidarity with the Tibetan people. Dude couldn't even side with the Dali Lama? This sounds more like a kid who dreamed of being a global icon and is talking to me like I'm a consumer. I don't follow basketball because I am a consumer trying to vote for all stars with my spending dollars. I'm not interested in crowning boy-kings or wasting time weighing moral consequences or their prime time specials.
All of that, and he's amazing to watch. Fast, Strong, Inspiring. Creative.
Everything you love about basketball.
Ballawful!

Blogger Brigadier Ketchup said...
I see Battier is already showing off that defensive intensity and grit Memphis hoped they would get when they traded for him.

Blogger KHayes666 said...
William....and yet he stayed in the game. If that was KG, Rasheed Wallace or Bryant he would have been tossed before the "you" came out of his mouth after the first f**k

Anonymous Anonymous said...
cadavers suck :

http://sports.yahoo.com/nba/players/4799/photos/im:urn:newsml:sports.yahoo,ap:20050301:nba,photo,ap-1eca7b6aaf114b96b781189e92a20c4a:1

Anonymous William said...
@KHayes
Oh, I know. That tirade was AFTER he got the technical, pretty unbelievable he didn't get tossed.

Then they showed the replay and... nothing. He just lost the ball off his own leg. He wanted out of that game.

Any Celtic shouts that list of profanities directly at a ref and David Stern would end his season. Nash gets to stay in the game.

Then of course the ESPN highlights from the game a) start with Dudley's 'hilarious' tweet about getting Frye a cup, b) don't show or make reference to Nash's tirade, c) calmly catalogue that KG and Pierce got T'd up, and d) don't show Dudley's flagrant foul on Rondo as time expired (which wasn't called a flagrant, but should have been, he wasn't making a play on the ball, it was excessive and intentional).

KG's quote about his mystery tech at the end of the game (C's had intentionally committed a 24-second violation to end the damn game) was amazing, here's a paraphrase: "Alvin Gentry asked me about playoff tickets for the first round, and I said I could hook him up. That's what that was about." Note: I doubt that's what the T was really from, but it's a masterful barb.

Also, 67 free throws, with ~35 in the fourth quarter alone? Refs were whistle-happy.

Can we get a worst of the night for the Sun's starters? All with +/-'s at or under -20. Lopez -20 in 16 minutes. Frye -27 in 24 minutes. Vince Carter -23 in 19 minutes.

Anonymous Cetti said...
Power Balance Pavilion. Jesus. Really? Reallyreally?!

Blogger lordhenry said...
@Elbow Greater Than Face:

Jet fuel is expensive. So are bricks.

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