Basketbawful

Sunday, January 29, 2006

Reporting the best of the worst of professional basketball can be a major undertaking, and this past week has been no exception. Here are just a few quick hits on this week's worst.

Greg Ostertag was suspended indefinitely by the Jazz for arguing with the coaching staff and then skipping a practice in what was apparently a protest over playing time. Because, you know, 3 points and 4 rebounds a game justifies some serious minutes. This is, of course, just the latest in a long history of clashes between Ostertag and coach Jerry Sloan. What makes this tale truly sad was that Greg's sister, Amy Hall said that these disputes were a thing of the past: "Greg got a second chance to redeem himself [with the team]. I, in my heart, think he'll come back and take it by storm." Good call, Amy.

"Please don't leave me!"
Isiah Thomas is being sued for sexual harassment. This lawsuit is a great follow-up to his being named a 2004 "National Father of the Year". You go, Isiah!

Isiah commits and act of sexualharassment (a dramatization)
Isaiah Rider freaking kidnapped somebody! What a fall from grace. Basically, Isaiah's personal timeline reads: lottery pick, 20-point scorer, out of the league, kidnapper. I think he and Maurice Clarett should form a support group.

Isaiah Rider kidnaps a woman(visual approximation)
Chris Andersen was banned from the league for violating the NBA's drug abuse policy. The league won't comment on what drug Andersen tested postive for, so it's hard to make an accurate judgement. But I find it interesting that Carmelo Anthony got caught with marijuana on a team flight and didn't even get a slap on the wrist. In fact, almost every single member of the 2003 Portland Trailblazers was caught with or using drugs at one time or another, and most of them are still in the league. But the goofy white guy who's only averaging 5 points a game is gone, no questions asked. Maybe he should have tried the "It was my friend's urine" defense.

When you're white and talentless, there are no second chances.
Danny Ainge finally hit the panic button. With the Celtics sinking like a stone in the standings, he knew something had to be done. And since this is Boston we're talking about, he decided that if the team couldn't get better, at least it could get whiter. Mission accomplished.

Last and probably least, the manhunt continues for the man who attacked Lebron James with a laser pointer. Personally, I think it was just a simple matter of fan protest against James wearing those damn tights.

I kind of want to shoot him with a laser too.

1 Comments:

Basketbawful said...

Drugs that can get you booted from the league include heroine and PCP. Which would explain why it took him 8 tries to make is first dunk in last year's slam dunk contest.

Compare Chris Andersen's numbers to Tyson Chandler (they're identical). And consider the fact that Chandler makes 3x as much money. The Bulls .400 record now makes a little more sense.

1/29/2006 5:48 PM