Basketbawful

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

The Pacers had a legitimate chance to be one of the NBA's elite teams this year, maybe even a championship contender. That was the goal, the dream. But as we all know, there's nothing Ron Artest loves more than the taste of a really sweet dream. He ate it, crapped it back out, and now the Pacers are left poking through his fecal matter with a stick, trying to find anything that's still worth holding on to.

I guess that's just life in professional sports. When the winds of change blow hard enough, the most trivial things can become deadly projectiles. So we just have to accept the fact that the Pacers' season is already over. But how, then, do we get through the team's next 41 exhibition games before the next rebuilding process can begin? Well, it looks like the Pacers have decided that if they can't be the best team in the league, then they can certainly be the sexiest. Because as Jessica Simpson has repeatedly proven, if you're attractive enough on the outside, people will forgive you for being irritating to the core.

To that end, the team has released new desktop wallpaper. Some of them are unintentionally laughable, like the picture of Scott Pollard kicking back on a recliner. Others look like a misguided attempt at creating glamour shots for certain players. For instance:

Jeff Foster wants you. He wants you, baby!
If that didn't make your nipples hard, you probably don't even remember what sex is. But even if you don't, this picture of Sarunas However-The-Hell-You-Say-It will remind you, and fast! In fact, I propose that we replace every illustration in the Kama Sutra with cute little pictures of Sarunas. That would be pretty hot.

How do women scream his name in bed? Seriously.
This last pictures is of Stephen Jackson. I think it's pretty clear from his no-nonsense look that he isn't playing any games. He knows you want him. It's obvious. Please wipe up that drool and get a hold of yourself, because you aren't worthy of a man like Jax. This dude has a Master's Degree in Vulva Science. I can say with absolute certainty that he knows more about vaginas than anyone else in the entire world. Honestly, if he were to meet a vagina right now, he could not only kick the hell out of its most intimate fantasy, he could probably blindfold himself and perform surgery on it.

I know you want some of this. But you can't have it. You can't.

1 Comments:

Anonymous said...

How can you say sexy pacers but not show even a small pic of Jermaine O'Neal

1/15/2007 3:51 PM