Labels: Bawful After Dark
But to my knowledge, no teams have ever made the playoffs with both a terrible offense and a terrible defense.Craptor at Timberwolves, 8pm: Defense? We don't need no stinkin' defense!
Labels: Bawful After Dark
Detroit dealt him two-plus years ago, hoping to speed the development of Rodney Stuckey while clearing salary-cap space for the future.And people were calling Dumars a genius not too many years ago. Well, as Forest Gump would say, stupid is as stupid does.
Stuckey hasn't turned into a dependable point guard and the millions spent in the summer of 2009 on free agents Ben Gordon and Charlie Villanueva haven't paid off.
Magic-Pacers: Chris Duhon stared at a tossable onion for 6 seconds for a Super Mario!
Grizzlies-Nyets: Hamed Haddadi wore a Tanooki suit for 24 seconds to earn a Mario.
Nuggets-Pistons: DaJuan Summers spent four seconds lost in the monochrome world of the Virtual Boy and garnered a Super Mario for Auburn Hills.
Clippers-Rockets: Ishmael Smith took up one board in 45 seconds, only to blast his way through a Dr. Mario diagnosis in that time.
Bobcats-Suns: Eduardo Najera baked a brick in 3:42 for a +1 suck differential.
Spurs-Jazz: Tiago Splitter divided his 6:41 between a steal and the negatory nature of a foul and brick for a Madsen-level 1:0 Voskuhl, while Utah's Gordon Hayward had a 34 second sax solo in Mario Paint.
Hornets-Warriors: DJ Mbenga scratched out a rebound in 5:13, yet fouled thricely and lost the rock twice for a 5:1 Voskuhl. Fellow insect Quincy Pondexter gathered up an exact 2.6 trillion (2:36) in celebration.
Labels: Bawful After Dark
"It took for me one day to get everybody together and let them know that despite everything that's going on, I'm still here," Anthony said. "I'm still going to go out there and give my all -- and I would like that in return."The Cleveland Cavaliers: Kendrick Perkins' return from knee surgery was set for February 4. Then he and the team decided to fast forward his comeback so he could play at home against the Cavaliers.
"I don't know [what's going to happen]. I can't look that far ahead. I can't look into February."
"Regardless of what's going to happen, it's going to happen. If I decide to stay, if they decide to trade me, something is going to happen. Until then, the only thing I can do is to continue to go out and give my all on the court."
"I never thought it would get like this. I don't want to say it's tough, but it is because I'm the one who has to go out there and play my game."
Nuggets-Generals: Melvin Ely made one free throw and two boards in exactly 18 minutes, only to lose the rock thricely and foul four times for a 7:3 Voskuhl. For Washington, Kevin Seraphin earned one board in 8:44 but was short on positivity afterwards, fouling once and turning over the ball once for a 2:1 Voskuhl.
Cavs-Celtics: Ryan Hollins went 100% from the field (though 0% from the stripe) on one attempt and boarded twice, only to lose the rock once and foul five times in 19:33 for a 6:4 Voskuhl.
Clippers-Mavs: Dallas's Ian Mahinmi rebounded once in 9:16, yet fouled and turned over the ball three times each for a 6:1 Voskuhl.
Bobcats-Purple Paupers: Matt Carroll magically mushroomed into 35 seconds of playing time for a Mario.
Labels: Worst of the Night
Labels: Bawful After Dark
Scorers such as Kevin Martin dream about nights against a "defense" like the Minnesota Timberwolves.As Kevin Love (24 points, 17 rebounds, 7 assists) put it: "We're not anywhere close to where we should be [defensively]. It's something we need to figure out."
The Wolves have a hard enough time guarding spot-up shooters on the perimeter. When they're facing a guy who can blow by them on the way to the rim and also get a 3-pointer off in the blink of an eye, they don't stand a chance.
The Rockets made 14 3-pointers, feasting on the tumbling Timberwolves' awful defense. Minnesota entered the night last in the NBA in points allowed and then watched Houston hang 100 in the first three quarters.
Minnesota had four days to prepare for the game, yet came out of the gate looking as though it was playing its third game in four nights.
After shooting 39 percent in a home loss to Orlando on Saturday, Houston scored a season-high 39 points in the first quarter in Minnesota, hitting six 3-pointers and using superior ball movement with 12 assists on 13 made baskets.
There's a new wrinkle in the never-ending saga of Washington D.C. uniform failures: this one was self-inflicted. Kevin Seraphin of the Wizards committed the unpardonable fashion faux pas of wearing his shorts backward Monday night against the Knicks in Madison Square Garden. He did what anyone would have done in that situation: He fixed 'em on the bench, surrounded by teammates.John Wall, quote machine: "I'm not going to lie about that. If you lose on the road, you're going to think about it. You watch SportsCenter, you're going to see what everybody's talking about: you not winning road games. It gets tough. But for us to get them to stop talking about it, we've got to do what we've got to do on the road and get one."
Other moments in Washington uniform history (since Bog Boy is off sampling the cheeses of Vegas):
Mustafa Shakur wore a jersey that was, let's say, hastily crafted.
Theodore Roosevelt High School is learning to embrace being the "Rough Ryders," even if TR himself is spinning in his grave.
Anthony Armstrong of the Redskins nearly brought down the republic, drawing a fine from the NFL for wearing his socks too high.
Ladell Betts' last name was spelled "Bettis" during a preseason game.
Not even the Redskins' cheerleaders have been spared.
Back on January 25, 2005, Kurt Thomas scored 24 points and pulled down 14 rebounds for the New York Knicks in a 133-118 loss to the Phoenix Suns. Those were good numbers. A little skewed, maybe, because of the pace (103.3) and the number of shots the Knicks attempted (105).I have no better explanation.
Let me put it this way: That night, the Knicks had two players score 20+ (Thomas and Trevor Ariza) and another player score 40 (Jamal Crawford). And that Suns team was in the lower half of the league in Defensive Rating.
Anyway, that was the last time Big Sexy scored 20 points. That includes his 2006 season, when he played for a Phoenix squad that led the league in PPG (108.4) and ranked second in Offensive Rating (111.5).
So when you consider the circumstances and the fact that he's the second-oldest player in the league (next to Shaq), then it's very possible we got to watch one of the best games of Kurt's career.
Think about it. The Bucks rank 6th in Defensive Rating (102.5). According to 82games.com, opposing centers don’t play very well against them. Starters and backups combine for 18.0 PPG, 7.5 RPG, 3.4 assists and a PER of 12.2 (which ranks between "in the rotation" and "scrounging for minutes" according to John Hollinger's reference guide). And those opposing centers have an Effective Field Goal Percentage of 45.5.
Well, as By The Horns reader inkybreath put it, "Did Big Sexy jump in the Hot Tub Time Machine before the game?"
Well, another game, another loss for the Raptors. At least they made this one entertaining, in the same way a car crash is.To which AnacondaHL responded:
Grizzlies end-of-game play: Give the play to Rudy Gay, let him do his thing (Hey, NBA defenders? He wants to go right, mmmK?). Jump shot with 0.8 left. Swish. Grizzlies up by 2. Toronto crowd deflated and with an inevitable sense of upcoming doom.
Raptors end-of-game play: Struggle to throw the ball into Sundiata Gaines - I'm sorry, why he is even on the floor in the first place? Because that's just how bad the Craptors are? OK, cool. Anyways, throw it in to Sundiata, who throws it directly into the arms of his defender. Game over.
Oh, and this is the guy that had already airballed not one, but two three point shots in this game. Of course you want to get the ball into a D-league journeyman midget who's ice cold and being guarded by a much taller player. Nothing says "clutch", "execution" and "well-coached" like the final sequence, or the Craptors offense in general down the stretch.
But don't worry kids, it wasn't just on the offensive end that the Craptosaurs strove for new lows. Their defensive rebounding was.. nightmarish, catastrophic, nonexistent. And it wasn't just surrendering easy offensive boards. It was surrendering an endless series of putbacks, tips and layups for the Grizzlies. I haven't checked the box score to see how many offensive rebounds or second-chance points the Raptors gave up - with all the resistance of wet paper bag in a hurricane -- but I conservatively estimate, as a mathemelogist, that it was a metric fuckton.
They need to start putting lard in Ed Davis and Amir Johnson's food, or surgically implant a pair of balls on Andrea Bargnani's mangina, because.. ye Gods. The forecasted Crapt-pocalypse of points in the paint was all that and more for Z-Bo, Marc Gasol, Rudy Gay and even Lacktion Hall of Famer Darrell Freaking Arthur.
Special mention to Julian Wright for barely grazing the rim on the first freebie on two consecutive trips to the line. There's knowing your limitations, and then there's being so offensively limited that your team is playing four-on-five when you're on the floor.
My next game is against Phoenix; at least I can cheer Captain Canada, boo Half Man Half Season, and get drunk with my friends. And it will be Marcin Gortat's turn to beat our soft front line like a rented mule.
This team stinks and is getting worse. Cleveland, Sacramento and New Jersey, meet you at the bottom of the standings.
You forgot to mention that you witnessed the end of the only thing the Raptors had left going for the organization, and probably the reason why Gaines was in there for the last play: Going 0-13 from the arc marks the end of their league leading 986 game streak with at least 1 3ptm. And Dallas is only 5 games behind to break it.The Orlando Magic: Orlando had reached the top of John Hollinger's Power Rankings. Dwight Howard had been named Eastern Conference Player of the Week. And the Magic were playing at home against the Pistons. Aaaaaaaand...
Pistons-Magic: Jason Maxiell minimized his on-court presence to a mere 54 seconds of Koopa Troopa chasing for a Mario!
Grizzlies-Craptors: Hasheem "Second Overall Dream" Thabeet celebrated in a new universe with a 0.8 second SUPER MARIO GALAXY!!
Meanwhile, Toronto's Sonny Weems skated into the ledger via two bricks and a lost rock in 8:22 to earn a +3.
Generals-Knicks: Kevin Seraphin commandeered three boards in 14:33 with three fouls and a turnover for a 4:3 Voskuhl, while Yi Jianlian can now purchase a throne with a 1.35 trillion (1:20). Calling into this evening's episode of X-Play were Hilton Armstrong and Cartier Martin, who were on the line for 46 seconds as Mario Brothers! (Armstrong managed a 100% shooting percentage on one attempt so he avoided pure lacktion, while Martin bricked from the National Mall to earn a +1.)
Bucks-Bulls: Milwaukee's tiny Earl Boykins gathered up all his strength for a LARGE lacktion score, going 0% on four shot attempts in 11:28 and adding a rejection, turnover, and foul as well for a +7!!!
Purple Paupers-Frail Blazers: Sean Marks met his personal best in WiiFit after 54 seconds of exercise for a Mario.
Spurs-Warriors: San Antonio's newest acquisition, Larry Owens, became the latest in a long line of league-wide lacktators with a brick from the Oakland Tribune building for a +1 in 1:52.
Dan Gadzuric gave the Warriors two fouls and a brick in 3:35 for a +3 that doubled as a 2:0 Voskuhl, while Louis Amundson negated a block in 6:47 with three fouls for a 3:0 Voskuhl.
Labels: wardrobe malfunction, Worst of the Night
Labels: Avery Johnson, Bawful After Dark, Footbawful, man love