So Bawful asked me to fill in for him today, so I thought I’d go with one of my famous live-blog posts for the marquis match-up of the weekend – Lakers / Celtics. I didn’t get involved in watching full time until 4:12 left in the first quarter but, saw a bit before that:

First Quarter:

Don’t know the moment of the game, but Ray Allen was just called for his second foul. He was essentially called for allowing Kobe Bryant to hit him with a forearm shiver. I am reminded of last year’s game 7, and then further reminded of a recent Sports Illustrated article that analyzed the elements that go into home-court advantage, essentially concluding that umpires and referees are actually the most significant variable in creating home-court advantage. I found this revelation to be obvious, depressing, depressingly obvious and obviously depressing.

4:12 left – Kendrick Perkins is indignant about being called for a foul. Replay shows he pushed Bynum out of the way, thus proving his ability to be oblivious and ignorant has also healed up nicely.

Bos 16-10

3:56 – Garnett with a high release off the glass over Odom

3:39 – Bynum with a big rebound put back off miss.

3:12 – Odom responds with a fast break layup past Garnett.

Bos – 18-14 – I feel like no lead, no matter how large, will feel safe after last year’s game 7.

It appears Shaq brought his mother to make sure the crowd would be nice to him. When asked if she cares he’s in Celtic green, she apparently replied “I’m just glad he’s working.” Aw, mom. Just as lovable.

Mike Breen stat curses the C’s, calling them the “best shooting team in the NBA,” which may be true, but can only mean the C’s will stink up the joint.

True to form, Rondo misses a jumper at 1:52.

1:00 – Marquis Daniels misses lame looking 8-footer. He’s looked anemic every time I’ve seen him lately.

:25 – Breen asks Mark Jackson (MJ) about why Ron Artest hasn’t been as effective this year. Jackson says Ron Artest is looking “more healthier” than he did earlier in the season. He’s a professional broadcaster. No, really. And you know what? MJ is more worse at it than he was last season.

Second Quarter:

11:23 – Nate Robinson puts in an off-balance three-pointer.

10:53 – Ray Allen for three. He could do damage to the Lakers in this game if he gets hot. They’d better call him for his third foul soon.

10:37 – Gasol with a pretty lefty hook.

Bos -28-25

10:25 – Nate Robinson jab-steps and hits fall-away jumper. The athleticism he’s showing takes some sting out of losing Eddie House for him. Though House looked good in the day’s earlier game – Heat / Thunder – in which he nailed a cold-blooded dagger three and a couple of ice-the-game free throws. Nate’s going to have to play real good for me to lose my man-crush on House – minus the foolish "big balls" dance he did after the three of course. C’mon Eddie! You’re better than that!

9:50 – Allen with a leg-kick 8-foot jumper. They really need to call a foul on him and get him off the floor. He’s dangerous.

Bos 34-25 – For some reason, the bigger this lead gets, the more nervous I get. Post-traumatic stress disorder, anyone?

8:05 - Breen mentions that Ray Allen is always the first player to the stadium. Apparently, he didn’t listen to pregame commentary, in which Jon Barry informed us all that Kobe was actually at Staples before Ray Allen for this game. Way to research, Breeny.

6:47 – Matt Damon is shown in the first row, wearing a winter cap with a green Red Sox “B.” Completely off-the-mark clothing aside, I love Damon’s public in-your-face Boston love, even though he’s technically just another overpaid celebrity who sits in the first row of Laker games. Shout out to Matty Ice 2.

Celtics_Lakers_Basketball.sff_100036_game
Insert affiliation-based caption here:
Celtic fans: Awesomest. Celebrity. Ever.
Laker fans (In retard voice): "Iiiii'm Matt Dammonn!"


6:34 – Garnett takes a shot to the head from Gasol. Play stops, but no foul is called. Garnett calmly walks to Joe Crawford with his skull dripping lots of blood and says something very calmly to Crawford. If I got to choose, I would hope it was: “This development would seem to be an absolutely perfect microcosm of the incompetence of NBA officiating, don’t you think?”

Alas, the replay shows that Gasol’s elbow was without a doubt inadvertent. The blood on Garnett’s head, however, begs to differ. But NBA officiating still sucks anyway. So there.

38-31, Celtics

Hints of Staples Center boos as an injured Garnett quietly goes to the locker room. Garnett has actually seemed surprisingly not insane for this game; maybe he's just letting his feet do the talking. Next up is a shot of Jack Nicholson, with Jeff Van Gundy (JVG) talking about how Nicholson owns glasses that match every one of his suits, followed then by Pierce splayed on the floor at 6:21...and though Pierce clearly flopped, my L.A. dislike has reached a high for the game thus far. Please show Matt Damon again to make me feel better!

Celebrity Crap 1:
They just showed Damon again, yay. Maybe in 30 years, he’ll be the Boston version of Jack Nicholson. In years past, they used to force Jack to sit in the third balcony of the Boston Garden – even for the Finals! It was always hilarious to see him up there, being treated like shit. LA, however, has an enormous priority conundrum – Matt Damon is a celebrity, but is also a Boston fan. So what should LA do? Kiss his celebrity ass, or treat his Boston-loving ass like poo? Should be interesting to see how that plays out in years to come if Damon’s career slides.

Anyway, the shot of Damon is followed by shots of George Lopez and Jimmy Kimmel, which makes me wonder “The always-present Nicholson notwithstanding, there MUST be more famous LA fan celebrities you can show than THAT.”

5:14 – Garnett returns with a bandage on his head. I had no idea they manufactured actual “KG-sized” band-aids.

Celtics_Lakers_Basketball.sff_100034_game
Don't worry. None of my irrational prison rage leaked out.

4:24 – KG hits a jumper. C’s - 42-36

3:23 – Inexplicable foul call on Gasol for being pushed by Shaq. After some slo-mo replays, Breen indicates the foul was changed to Artest, who was literally standing on his own, 20 feet away. Van Gundy correctly points out Artest “wasn’t even in the vicinity.” NBA refs continue to dazzle. Maybe we should put an asterisk next to EVERY NBA champion from now on?

C’s – 42-41

After two big rebounds, Kobe hits a 3. Lakers on a 13-2 run. Lakers 44-42.

2:01 – Kobe fakes, gets Shaq in the air, gets a foul call, and gives Shaq what Mark Jackson calls a “Remember me buddy?” look.

Celtics_Lakers_Basketball.sff_100018_game
Ass.
(Also pictured: Ray Allen / Shaquille O'Neill)

1:26 – Rondo lets Fisher breeze by him for a second time in egregiously bad fashion, resulting in a Gasol make from the baseline. I thought Rondo was a lot younger than Fisher…? His defense wouldn’t indicate this.

19.9 – Joe Crawford calls a double technical on Artest and Perkins. Crawford's "I rule over all of you turds" look reminds me of the Celtics / Suns game two days before when Doc Rivers screamed to Steve Javie, who had just ejected him, “It’s not about YOU, it’s about the GAME!”

1.4 – Kobe makes a nice move to the basket and gets a foul call. Odom gives what is, according to JVG, an “I can’t believe how good you are” look at Kobe. JVG follows by saying, “I’d rather watch Kobe miss than most other players make.” Agreed, Jeff. I would too. I’ll take a miss any day. A late whistle coming a full second after imaginary contact, no, but a miss, yes.

0.7 – Odom is called for hitting Big Baby on the arm on a desperation final half court shot. Dumb move. This moment is followed by some great quote-machine items. First by Mark Jackson: “Lamar Odom is a high-IQ guy, basketball-wise, but...” Yes, Mark, be sure you include the term “basketball-wise” in that statement. Then JVG follows with this beautiful nugget, giving wonderful insight into the state of NBA officiating: “You don’t find too many officials, even with contact, that will make those calls, but I think that’s the right call.” JVG night as well have said “Boy refs really suck, don’t they?”

Big baby makes 2 of 3.

Halftime – Lakers 54 – 50

Halftime interview – Kobe stays classy San Diego, saying Lamar Odom will be on Sportscenter’s “Not Top Ten” for fouling Big Baby before the half. Not everyone is as good as you, Kobe. I’m surprised I need to tell you this. I thought you knew that better than anyone.

Third Quarter:

11:27 – Kobe sticks a 3. Lakers 57-50

I'm noticing Garnett’s head bandage is exactly the same color as the Staples floor. It looks like someone put a hole in his head (Insert “Yeah, I’D like to put a hole in his head” joke here, Laker fans.)

9:33 – Pierce with a strong left hand finish after driving around a hobbled Artest, foul by Bynum. Artest leaves, appearing to have a left knee issue.

Celts 58-57

9:20 - Shaq gets his fifth foul on a “shoulda let them play” call. Gasol gave the push away as well. Should have been a no-call.

8:46 – Pierce 3-pointer. Celtics 61-59. Pierce already has 25.

7:26 – Rondo throws up a jumper with no hesitation – and air balls it. At least he tossed it up with...confidence?

6:39 – Another pierce three, after great inside out pass from Perkins. Pierce has the last 10 C’s points.

5:28 – Odom busy giving Kobe the “I can’t believe how good you are” look. Unfortunately, Kobe chooses to pass to him at the time, and Odom proceeds to botch the play completely.

Pierce layup puts C’s up 68-62. Pierce has 14 points in the quarter. Lakers getting a taste of how it would be to play the Celtics missing RonRon. This play is reshown in slo-mo to highlight Luke Walton’s crappy (not scrappy) defense.

3:48 – After a Fisher steal and breakaway, Ran Allen called for a foul on a play where there was clearly no contact. Mark Jackson inadvertently insults NBA officiating once again, oblivious to his own irony: “That’s not contact by Ray Allen, but Derek Fisher does such a great job of making it look like a sniper shot him.” It’s amazing how many different, creative ways commentators are managing to talk about God-awful NBA officiating . JVG, once again, the voice of reason: “Joey Crawford on that play had a bad angle, and Fisher, as a renowned flopper deserves no benefit of the doubt on [one of] those dives into somebody’s body. That was a missed call.” I love you, JVG. Not as much as I love Matt Damon, but take what you can get.

3:32 – Fisher proves JVG right as he gets the refs to call Perkins on a moving pick. Mark Jackson confirms his support of the dark arts: “We’re in Hollywood, ladies and gentlemen. Give Derek Fisher an Oscar.” JVG wonders aloud how Crawford can repeatedly fall for the same head snap / arm throw night in, night out: “The guy’s been around for like 25 years!” Breen replies with an I’m-not-paid-to-give-an-insightful-opinion giggle.

Celtics 70-67

2:38 – Kobe 3-pointer makes it 72-70, Celtics. Then he gives a little nod that makes me want to punch him, even though if I met him in person, I know I’d be all: “Hi Mr. Bryant, could you sign my T-shirt?”

We are treated to a slow-motion montage of the various Derek Fisher flops from just this quarter. I’m considering remaking my You’ve been Ginobili’d video to You’ve been Fisher’d.

Celebrity Crap 2:
Adam Sandler is promoting his latest crap movie. How do I know it's crap? It's an Adam Sandler movie, and it isn't "Happy Gilmore 2." His comment: “I can’t tell you what it’s about, but I showed it to Kevin Garnett and he laughed so hard he split his head open.” This man hasn’t been funny in years, and has a billion dollars. Life is not fair. And he’s a Knicks fan. Doesn’t even care who wins, which is almost more annoying than if he were a Laker fan. Favorite Adam-Sandler-is-secretly-a-dick comment: “The movie’s funny. Aniston’s in it (call her Jennifer Aniston, you ass), these two people next to us are in it…(his co-stars are sitting next to him and he won’t even name them…I know time is short, Adam, but name your co-stars, especially when we care way more about one of them – Hello Brooklyn Decker – than you. The female commentator plays right along, ignoring the existence of Adam Sandler’s less-famous co-stars. LA's most plentiful export? Self-aggrandizing a-holes.)

Celtics_Lakers_Basketball.sff_100037_game
Why you will ignore this man's new movie:
It's not 1996.


1.6 – Rondo says “Take that, Derek Fisher” and draws a charge call on Bryant with some floppery theatre of his own.

11:22 – Ray Allen three. Celtics 80-74. We get a nice slo-mo replay of Steve Blake’s bad defense (a.k.a. Luke Walton treatment).

Breen betrays that he’s never played any level of basketball, commenting that he can’t understand why the Celtics shot so poorly in Phoenix and so well here. They were on the second half of a back-to-back, Mike. Go read a novel and have a brandy, nerd.

9:12 – Rondo wants a foul on Blake, then flops a second later to create one. JVG says: “He fell down.” Annoyingly, Mark Jackson says: “Thank you,” as if he’s been saying meaningful, logical things about the sins of flopping during the game…which, of course, he hasn’t. Maybe I should do a "You've been Rondo'd." Oh wait, that's been done, more than once, and was the inspiration for my Ginobili video. Duh.

The Breen of Irony: “We’ve had a lot of calls sold very well here this afternoon.” Again, has Breen’s boss told him to never point out bullshit when he sees it? Or does he really not see it?

Kobe deciding “It’s time to put the kids to bed,” according to MJ. Cuts Celtic lead to 4.

4:02 – Rondo alley oop to Garnett makes it Celtics 98-87.

2:55 – Big Baby draws a legit offensive foul. 101-89.

1:29 – Garnett to Rondo for layup.

Awesome Commercial alert:
People from the future being incorporated into old high-school / college footage of current NBA players. The latest features Steve Nash. I bow before whomever came up with this concept.

Final Word:

True to the formula, Kobe tried to take over, and this did not benefit the Lakers. He scored 41, and the Lakers lost. They have lost 4 of the last 5 when Kobe scores over 35. So if Phil Jackson benched Kobe for the whole game, would the Lakers have won? He should try that.

109-93 – Very deceptive final score. It was way closer than that. And Artest wasn’t at full strength. The teams showed me they are still essentially neck and neck, and I wouldn’t be remotely shocked to see the Lakers win the next meeting in Boston.

With Jack sitting up in the third balcony, hopefully.

Worst of the Weekend bonus:

I had a family obligation on Friday night, and missed the second half of the Celtics-Suns game. I DVR'd it, but then accidentally saw the final score and decided to blow off watching the second half. Then, tonight, when there was nothing good on TV, including a Golden State / Utah game (yawn), I watched the recorded second half of Celtics / Suns, figuring:
- I could enjoy me a little Steve Nash magic, and
- Even a stale Celtics game where I know they lost is better than anything else I could watch.
And boy was I right. Why, oh why, does Kevin Garnett make it so difficult to like him? A furtive nut shot? Really? And then to give that astonished "Who me?" look when you know you just jabbed a guy in the nutsack AND undercut his legs at the same time...Christ, you're making Bruce Bowen's foot defense look downright timid.

Labels: ,

45 Comments:
Blogger lolikatempika said...
Ted, you are killing it. I hate both Celtics and Lakers(auto correction suggested: Takers,Makers,Bakers,FAKERS,Lakes thats funny), too much Hollywood on both teams for my liking. Nice post

Blogger lolikatempika said...
O'brien rumoured to be replaced by Mike Brown, its getting uglier in Minny, uglier than ron artest.

Anonymous Nikolay said...
Love the video, I haven't seen it with commentary until just now. Mark Jackson never tries to disprove that he is a complete bonehead.

Also, found this comment on the youtube video for the Nash commercial, "brian scalabrine: "brian, your gonna become the heart of boston and win more rings then lebron."

They really need to make a Scalabrine type commercial, it would be amazing.

Anonymous Adrià said...
Now seeing the video again and again... I think Garnett didn't pretend to hit Frye. He's not even looking at him when he touches him. And he slides his foot to reach Frye but not to cause a bad landing.

The thing is that he miscalculates his position and actually hits him. And the looks of "Are you crazy?" on both of them give me another reason to save Garnett (only in this play, though).

I also said why I think the Celtics won to the Lakers in the last post comments section. But I want to remark my best line:

Gasol + fight = paradox

And I'm Spanish, and from Barcelona, and I admire his skill... But I sweat more than him playing basketball. Hustle, anyone?

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Funny post, too bad I didn't know you were doing it while I was watching the game. Still a great read though.
And yes, Adam Sandler is a grade-A douchebag.

Blogger Onandonymous said...
I like how an admitted Celtics homer can say the teams are close, and Artest was hurt, but SI.com has "ZOMG CELTICS ARE BETTER NOW" as their headline.

I hope this isn't a backhanded compliment, but way to be more objective than Sports Illustrated.

Anonymous Aaron said...
http://sports.espn.go.com/los-angeles/nba/news/story?id=6075287

"I got Fs in elementary school and I still went to college," Ron Artest said.

In the midst of the recent debate about the Tiger Mother, Amy Chua, this statement from (one of the craziest people) Ron Artest does NOT bold well for the American parenting system.

Blogger Dan B. said...
Thanks for the rundown, Evil Ted.

I think Derek Fisher took offense to my comment the other day deeming Manu Ginobili the "Picasso of flopping" and tried his best to make me feel like an idiot. I was wrong to ever doubt you, Fish. You're making Manu work to keep his title.

Text message exchange with Bawful last night shortly after the game ended:
Bawful: "But...but Kobe had 41!!"
Me: "Yeah, and the rest of his team did too. Combined. Oops. :)"
Bawful: "Ha! Exactly."

Great call on the Adam Sandler douchebaggery. When did he 1) stop being funny, and 2) become completely, totally unlikeable? Stuff like Airheads, Happy Gilmore, The Wedding Singer, and The Waterboy were funny movies. Certainly not the best written, best acted, best, well, anything cinema I've ever seen, but solid movies. And now we're getting, what, Grown Ups? Funny People? Just Go With It? Ugh. (And his film production company keeps producing terrible Rob Schneider vehicles like Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo. Why????????) And honestly, that interview last night was beyond uncomfortable. It's like he didn't even remember filming that movie.

Anonymous Angry Canuck said...
Bargnani is the next Chuck Nevitt.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
I laughed at the Shaq picture, until the cold, harsh realization hit me. A billion-year-old, 500-pound Shaq has better hops than me.

Blogger Wild Yams said...
Nice writeup, ET :) BTW, I was at the game so I don't know if they focused on this on TV, but it looked to me like KG was not wearing those shoes that got so much attention. He appeared to be wearing white shoes to me. Also, where was Matt Damon sitting? Was he sitting right next to the Laker bench? There were a pair of Celtics fans that were right there, but I didn't really look that close at who they might have been. Also of note, when the game stopped due to the cut on KG's head, the Staples Center PA played "Sunday Bloody Sunday" by U2, which I thought was a funny touch.

There were a lot of Celtics fans in attendance at yesterday's game. Down the stretch whenever Boston hit a shot, there was a considerable cheer that would go up. I guess lots of season ticket holders couldn't resist selling their tickets for hundreds of dollars more than they paid for them. I'm glad I missed the Sandler interview though, I hate when they do those stupid interviews to sell some dumb movie. They've taken to doing something I found horribly offensive/disappointing at Laker games. After introducing the Boston players, the lights turn out and they drop this huge screen to do the Laker players intros... but before that, they broadcast a quick movie trailer (this time for that dumb Liam Neeson movie coming out) on the giant screen. What?! Right when the crowd is trying to get all hyped up for the game, they show an advertisement? Bullshit.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
What the heck happened at the end of the Hornets Suns game? Up 8 points with 18 seconds? Winning despite only scoring 16 in the 4th? Missed goal-tending calls?

wv: meteas - apparently what Shaq is giving of his to Kobe

Anonymous nightdreamer said...
So did Mr. Bawful ask Evil Ted to fill for him because he didn't want to talk about how douchey Kevin Garnett was against Phoenix Suns? :P

Nice writeup. Also it cracks me up that every time Kobe's ballhoggery is questioned, a bunch of butthurted Lakers come to his defense and shifting blames to Odom, Gasol, Fisher, Artest, Bynum, and maybe even Jack Nicholson.

Blogger Evil Ted said...
Yams -

Not sure where Damon was sitting, but it was front row.

I did notice quite a bit of green in the stands, and even up front - in the second half of the Suns game Friday night, a "Let's go Celtics" chant broke out for a bit. Guess they travel well.

Yeah, I've always been underwhelmed by the Laker pre-game theatrics. You'd think Hollywood could put something more powerful together. Then you add the blatant movie advertisement (I missed the TV opening of the game, so assume they kept it out? Anyone?), sounds horrifying. I got the same icky feeling when the C's finally decided to flip the bird to tradition and have cheerleaders.

ET

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Aaron said...

"I got Fs in elementary school and I still went to college," Ron Artest said.

In the midst of the recent debate about the Tiger Mother, Amy Chua, this statement from (one of the craziest people) Ron Artest does NOT bold well for the American parenting system.

1/31/2011 7:08 AM
------------

For future reference and so you don't look like a clown in public, it's "does not BODE well", not "does not bold well".

Anonymous EuroGuy said...
Actually the Celtics@Lakers game was not as close as it seemed.

Kobe had to make nearly all his heavily contested shots and get a few close calls going his way to even keep the Lakers in the game in the 4th quarter, while almost all the Celtics points came from not very contested shots. And when the calls went the other way, the game was over.

As some have pointed out one of the problems with Kobe going into socalled hero mode is that some players have to be in the game on both ends to put in the effort on defense. You could see it in the sequence where Kevin Garnett got the defensive rebound after a missed Kobe attempt, passed to Rondo and reached the other end for an alley-oop. Meanwhile Bynum and Gasol barely reached their own back court.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Spurs over Lakers in 6 in the WCF.

Blogger Cortez said...
"For future reference and so you don't look like a clown in public, it's 'does not BODE well", not "does not bold well'."

Maybe he meant Ron Artest's statement did not look quite right in bold typeface.

Blogger Dooj said...
@anonymous

To quote the great Phil Jackson, "Is it the playoffs yet?"

Anonymous Stockton said...
Any Celtics-Lakers playoff is decided by the refs.
IF they allow physical play, it's Boston all the way... if not, I doubt the Lakers loose it...
Anyway, Western champion wil be... damn it... San Antonio, so...

Blogger geremy said...
looking ahead there will come a time when shaq actually retires from the sport. at that time he will make his way to the commentary booth. don't kid yourself, he's headed there. other greats that have headed the way of the booth have gained a noticeable amount of weight (charles, i'm looking at you). one can only imagine the monstrosity that COMMENTATOR SHAQ will be!!! will they even have suits big enough for him??? speaking of retired wieght... i wonder what oliver miller looks like now???

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
Also, Eddie House was doing the Big Balls dance last night.

Blogger Wild Yams said...
ET - Boston tends to have a pretty solid following in baseball, I know that. LA is populated by transplants from other cities, so it's not surprising that there's a bunch of New Englanders here. I can't tell you how rare it's been for me as an adult to meet people here in LA who are actually from LA like I am. As for the pre-game theatrics, I wish they just went back to quickly reading the names of the starters with the lights on and no fanfare or song or anything. I wish they did that in every building.

nightdreamer - I'm a Laker fan and if you look at my comments from yesterday you'll see they were all about what a ball-hog Kobe was. I was mighty peeved at Kobe yesterday at the game.

Blogger KHayes666 said...
The Adam Sandler interview is another thing that I absolutely cannot stand about the national broadcasts. We all know Mike Breen doesn't know a basketball from a head of cabbage and the other 2 spend half the telecasts talking about themselves but it reached new levels yesterday.

During the Sandler interview while he yammed on and on about how he's a Knick fan and really has no allegiance to the game something happened with Pierce and you could barely see it.

There was also a sequence where for a good solid 45 seconds the announcers completely ignored what was happening on the court. I can't remember exactly where but I sat there saying "Would Johnny Most, Chick Hearn, Dick Stockton and Tom Heinsohn EVER do that?" I can understand if there's a foul or a timeout where you talk about something else to kill time but JVG, Jackson and Breen was going on and on about themselves for 45 seconds while the game was going on.

The worst part is because they won't let local syndication broadcast the playoffs (and Johnny Most has been dead for 20 years) I have to listen to the 3 stooges every..single...playoff game. Ugh

Blogger draftaraujo said...
Looking forward to the worst of the weekend post, my craptorsaurs laid a big egg on Friday vs the timberpoops. I also beginning to think Bosh is not well liked amongst his "piers", regarding Durrants comments, and even the little "im not Chris Bosh" dig Melo dropped the other month, might explain why no one came to his aid last season when Pierce dunked on his ass and bagged him at the same time and then talked smack to him while he was clenching his groin on the ground, (im sure the other Chris could provide a youtube link!) Kind of surprising he always seemed to be pretty much a class act when he was up here, just a bit immature. But Durrant is 100% correct though he never ever showed that he was a "tough guy" his whole 7 years in Toronto

Blogger Drake said...
KHayes:

"We all know Mike Breen doesn't know a basketball from a head of cabbage..."

Not true. Breen played high school basketball, and has worked as a ref for several years. It may not be high-level basketball experience, but it's far from what your hyperbolic statement says.

IMO, Breen as a play-by-play man isn't supposed divulge to the viewers all of his basketball knowledge - besides describing the play, he also acts as a moderator and prods the color guys for insightful 'expert' information by asking the right questions. So when Breen asks Van Gundy and Jackson why the Celtics played so poorly against the Suns, it's not because he has no clue that they had just played the night before - it's to get the 'experts' to espouse their opinions, gleaned from first-hand knowledge, to the viewers. If Breen were to show all of his basketball-knowledge cards to the viewers, then there wouldn't be any need for those 'expert' color guys.

As armchair basketball critics, you and I can harp on everything in sight without any consequences. But in the actual world of basketball, things are a good deal harder and different than what you and I may imagine them to be.

Blogger Wormboy said...
Great post, Ted.


Frackin Mark Jackson. Fire him and bring back Bill Walton.

And no surprise wrt Breem. I'm certain that the NBA conspires to prevent broadcasters from criticizing officiating. In fact, I'm surprised that JVG is allowed to asy as much as he does.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
If Kob scores, he’s a ball hog. If he passes, its Gasol’s team. If he wins, its cause of Gasol, or Phil. If the Lakers lose, it’s cause of him. If he wins MVP, Chris Paul should have won. If he wins the championship, its cause his one bad game (check his series stats) were enough to warrant him as not being an MVP. He shouldn’t be considered for his 3 rings with Shaq even though he was the number 2 scoring option, played excellent defense, and was the Closer on those teams. Its similar to how Pippen’s rings are all MJ’s, and shouldn’t count? Right?

Blogger Evan said...
Jackson defending the jewel-jab was the funnies thing in the whole post!

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Bynum and Gasol need to step up their game. They're getting outplayed under the basket and thats been the biggest problem since. When neither of them are getting rebounds or not playing aggressive enough it kills the Lakers.

Anonymous Blizzard said...
You wrote: True to the formula, Kobe tried to take over, and this did not benefit the Lakers. He scored 41, and the Lakers lost. They have lost 4 of the last 5 when Kobe scores over 35.

I hope you meant this ironically, otherwise, congratulations, you just provided the same recap, verbatim, as every ESPN hack. I say this as a fan of your site, please don't do that.

Blogger Wild Yams said...
Anon - I said Kobe was a ball-hog yesterday, I didn't say any of those other things you said. I know that Kobe does get all of that criticism around here, and I don't agree with it, but I still think he ball-hogged the Lakers into a loss yesterday (though they might have lost anyway, dunno).

Anonymous Marc d. said...
What's with all the Mark Jackson hate? He's probably my favourite broadcaster. And him and JVG have good chemistry together.

Really, who is better? Walton's good stuff but I don't think he wants to do the big games anymore, otherwise I see no reason why he wouldn't be out there calling games every now and again.

Blogger Adam said...
Wormboy: What, you mean you've had enough of:

"Hand down, man down"
"Mama, there goes that man"
"You're better than that"
"Forcing the issue"
"Give [fill in the blank] a lot of credit"
"Grown man move"

Say it aint so!

Blogger Dan B. said...
Marc d. -- Walton is undoubtedly the most gifted orator in the universe, and his uncanny ability to craft the English language into the soothing and graceful yet stunningly powerful syntax we all know and love is unmatched. (Go back and re-read that in Bill Walton's voice to yourself. Isn't it just like 1000 times more awesome? Sounds stupid when I say it, but when he says it? Solid gold.)

Anonymous Anonymous said...
I still remember the series between the Sixers/Pacers in 2001 when an 8th seeded Pacers team came back and won Game 1 in Philly to take a 1-0 lead on Miller's shot. Here was Bill Walton's commentating after the game (from what I remember). Picture this in BW voice:

"My, what passion, what poise by the Pacers! Larry Brown, usually a calm prescence, is shocked by these events. How unfortunate.

(Replay showed AI trying to take the last shot, slipping, falling, and complaining about a foul call)

He slipped and fell. There is no need to complain, it is the victorious Pacers who have gutted this victory. What passion, what poise!!"

hahaha hilarious.

Blogger Evil Ted said...
"Dear BLIZZARD,
Thank you for your comment. We appreciate the viewpoint of all our fans.
-ESPN"

Yeah, you're right. That's lame, so let me go with what I would say instead:

Near the end of the game, there was a snippet about the Lakers losing 4 of the last 5 when Kobe scored over 35. So this result was, in fact, true to that formula.

I had just sat through the game, pausing it frequently to type out stuff I heard and making my comments so as to entertain you. My "summary" (a mere 1% of the post) was, admittedly, just a "let's get this over with" statement, but certainly doesn't deserve your being snotty. Get over yourself.

Was that non-traditional enough for you? I can swear too, if you like. Just let me know.

P.S.> Thank you for your comment. I appreciate your viewpoint.

ET

Anonymous Karc said...
@Adam - "You're better than that' has slipped into my vocabulary. Makes me chuckle whenever I hear it.

I never understood when Jackson says "it's time to put the kids to bed and knock them out." Is this a euphemism for parents having sex that I've never heard of?

I am shocked, SHOCKED, that Jeff Van Gundy hasn't slipped in a "that's what she said" reference. Now that's a drinking game during the playoffs that can be hilarious.

Anonymous Bryan said...
Really good write up. Funny and objective. Mr. Bawful should let Evil Ted write more often.

Anonymous nightdreamer said...
@Wild Yams not you specifically (I did read your comments, and I agree). More on Lakers fans in general, and you can easily see that behavior from other comments of that post

Blogger lolikatempika said...
Why do you think Kobe is so blamed for everything? Why not nash or hrant hill or battier etc. They are NICE PEOPLE and nice people get a fair treatment from other people, dicks get treated like dicks, and we all know kobe is a dick. no matter how hard he tries to hide it. One can be a DICK even if he's a great scorer, not player (in kobe case).

Blogger TeamD said...
And now, well, we can add ball boys to the growing list of those who despise him. According to Marc Spears of Yahoo Sports, a boy asked KG for his autograph. He responded in kind with, “You got a better chance of catching Bin Laden.”

How nice :D

Blogger eileen said...
Didn't get to watch the game but I enjoyed the write-up. Thanks, ET!

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
Bryan - Actually, it's not an issue of letting us post, all guest posters are free to contribute whenever, it's just Bawful has the stamina of a metaphorical rhino, while we all have the stamina of actual rhinoceroses.

Anonymous Danilo said...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m2RKZeS9Dro

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