Pistons Nets Basketball
"I'M A MIME TRAPPED IN AN INVISIBLE BOX -- OH, DAMMIT, I FORGOT TO BE QUIET AGAIN!"

Sorry for the lack of BAD posts last week -- I felt (wait for it...) bad.

Hey, why are you throwing tomatoes at me?

To make up for the absence and the horrible pun, here's an unbelievable moment in Sports Man Love history:

Footbawful at its... finest? Yeah, finest.


Worst of the Weekend in Pictures:

Knicks Spurs Basketball
"Ta da!!"


Hornets Hawks Basketball
Justin Bieber was at the Hawks game where they sucked like nothing has ever sucked before. How appropriate.


Pacers Nuggets Basketball
Jeff Foster is enjoying this a little too much...


63141497
Ray Allen and AK47 get better acquainted


Nationally Televised Games:
Wizards Generals at Knicks, NBA TV, 7:30pm: Now that scheduling has self-corrected the Knicks' record, they're in danger of dropping below .500 -- lucky for them that the Generals are also in danger of not winning a single damn road game this season.

Kings at Frail Blazers, NBA TV, 10pm: The Purple Paupers have lost their last 7 games by 7 points or less. At least they're kind enough to keep things somewhat close for their fans, right?

All the Other Games:
Cavaliers at Nyets, 7pm: Speaking of teams that have no concept of how to win away from home... The last time the Cavs snagged a road victory was back in November against, yes, the New Jersey Nyets.

Pistons at Magic, 7pm: Allow me to remind of what went down back in December when these two teams last met: Pumaman, Jameer Nelson, and JJ Redick were all out with "flu-like symptoms" (that miraculously seem to actually truly be related to the flu). And yet Orlando still won easily, and in fact had their best shooting percentage game of the season. Rip Hamilton should be happy he's not being associated with this suckfest right now.

Suns at 76ers, 7pm: If there's one thing the Sixers do well, it's shut down the trey. Their opponents are averaging just 31.4% from downtown. The Small Ball Suns loooove to shoot the three. Something's gotta give. Here's a hint: the Sixers have only one win when allowing more than 100 points this year, and guess who that was against.

Grizzlies at Craptors, 7pm: Be ready to see lots of ugliness around the basket. The Grizzlies are averaging an NBA-best 49.1 points in the paint. The Dinos are too busy being extinct and rollerblading down stairs to play any defense at the rim, and are allowing a league-worst 48.1 points in the paint per game.

Also, this picture is likely the most bawful thing you will see today.

Thunder at Hornets, 8pm: The Hornets have been playing out of their friggin' minds on defense lately. Is this just more fools' gold, or have they finally figured out something?

Bucks at Bulls, 8pm: The Bulls have a nasty habit of letting sub-.500 teams hang around and even beat them. But they've still reached the 30 win mark a full month earlier than last year. I'd say Thibodeau was a nice upgrade over The Notorious VDN, wasn't he?

Rockets at Timberwolves, 8pm: Actual line from the STATS LLC game preview: "The Timberwolves (10-33), who play five of seven at Target Center, are a respectable 8-12 at home." What? A .400 record at home is respectable? Man, the bar is really getting lowered in Minny.

Spurs at Warriors, 10:30pm: The last Spurs game saw them battle through their worst offensive effort of the season. So get ready for the absolute opposite of that tonight. The Gol_en State Warriors, everyone!

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26 Comments:
Blogger AnacondaHL said...
Random Note: After Justin Kubatko and Niel Paine let it slip that they happened to have all NBA box scores in PDF format prior to 1986, a flurry of volunteers offered their services to finalize their machine-readable form for basketball-reference.

In other words, shit's about to get real.

Anonymous The Other Chris said...
Also, this picture is likely the most bawful thing you will see today.

For those of us attending the Care Bears-Craptors game, that is most definitely not true.

Blogger geremy said...
wow, of the pic of AK47...
my first thought was "when did the Jazz sign tom chambers again??????"

Anonymous Azreous said...
Mark Stein has apparently invalidated the Wizards' entire season. Got a screengrab before they fixed it.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v99/azdb7/Wizards.jpg

Anonymous AK Dave said...
Check out Kirilenko's knee on that picture.

"He's cut! He's cut! The Russian's cut, and it's a BAD cut!"

Blogger Dan B. said...
The Other Chris -- Hence the use of the word "likely" instead of "definitely." Cause, yeah, that's some serious bawful.

Blogger Wild Yams said...
AK Dave - Is that a Rocky IV reference? Man I need to watch that movie again.

Anonymous Czernobog said...
The whole Hamilton thing just blows my mind. That is a very good player. Possibly the most skilled, intelligent player left on that roster. And it's a guy the fans love. Justifiably.

Just shameful. Their actually tanking in a classless way. I didn't think that was possible. I thought just tanking put you on the bottom rung.

Blogger Dan B. said...
Speaking of Rocky IV, I have three words for you: "Living in Americaaaaaaaa!"

Anonymous AK Dave said...
Yams: why, yes it is!

Dan B.: Carl Weathers- R.I.P.

Blogger chris said...
AND...

Wow.

from Twitter:

http://twitter.com/#!/SamAmicoNBA/status/29690346396979201


SamAmicoNBA Sam Amico

Cavs-Nets tickets may be a whopping 25 cents


The Association: where "amazing" "happens!!!"

Blogger Basketbawful said...
Ah, BAD, how I've missed you.

Blogger Wild Yams said...
AK Dave - You nearly gave me a heart attack with that comment. Carl Weathers isn't dead! Apollo Creed is. Big difference :)

Speaking of Rocky IV, this is hugely embarrassing to admit, but a little over a year ago I went and saw it in a local theater here that was doing an all day long Dolph Lundgren film festival, and it was maybe the most fun movie I've ever seen in the theater. I couldn't have picked a better crowd for that movie :)

Blogger matt said...
So I'm looking at this Cavs/Nyets box score right now...7 seconds left and the score tied at 101.

Can someone explain to me how Derrick Favors (8 pt, 9 reb, 2 ast, 3 blk) only has 13 minutes? Freakin Avery...

Blogger Dan B. said...
Yams -- An all-day Dolph Lundgren film festival? That isn't embarrassing. That's awesome, and it's making me a little jealous.

After all this talk about the infinite badass-ery of Carl Weathers, I might have to fire up my Action Jackson DVD sometime this week...

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Justin Bieber was at the Hawks game where they sucked like nothing has ever sucked before. How appropriate.

I thought we all knew that whenever the Bieb is a around, it's an automatic suck. By the way, what the hell is he doing at a Hawks game anyways? Shouldn't he be with the Craptors instead? In fact I vomited when he was at Staple Center in a Laker jersey.

Anonymous Aaron said...
anyone committing suicide after the suns lost to philly after detroit?

Anonymous The Other Chris said...
Well, another game, another loss for the Raptors. At least they made this one entertaining, in the same way a car crash is.

Grizzlies end-of-game play: Give the play to Rudy Gay, let him do his thing (Hey, NBA defenders? He wants to go right, mmmK?). Jump shot with 0.8 left. Swish. Grizzlies up by 2. Toronto crowd deflated and with an inevitable sense of upcoming doom.

Raptors end-of-game play: Struggle to throw the ball into Sundiata Gaines - I'm sorry, why he is even on the floor in the first place? Because that's just how bad the Craptors are? OK, cool. Anyways, throw it in to Sundiata, who throws it directly into the arms of his defender. Game over.

Oh, and this is the guy that had already airballed not one, but two three point shots in this game. Of course you want to get the ball into a D-league journeyman midget who's ice cold and being guarded by a much taller player. Nothing says "clutch", "execution" and "well-coached" like the final sequence, or the Craptors offense in general down the stretch.

But don't worry kids, it wasn't just on the offensive end that the Craptosaurs strove for new lows. Their defensive rebounding was.. nightmarish, catastrophic, nonexistent. And it wasn't just surrendering easy offensive boards. It was surrendering an endless series of putbacks, tips and layups for the Grizzlies. I haven't checked the boxscore to see how many offensive rebounds or second-chance points the Raptors gave up - with all the resistance of wet paper bag in a hurricane - but I consertivately estimate, as a mathemelogist, that it was a metric fuckton.

They need to start putting lard in Ed Davis and Amir Johnson's food, or surgically implant a pair of balls on Andrea Bargnani's mangina, because.. ye Gods. The forecasted Crapt-pocalypse of points in the paint was all that and more for Z-Bo, Marc Gasol, Rudy Gay and even lacktion Hall of Famer Darrell Freaking Arthur.

Special mention to Julian Wright for barely grazing the rim on the first freebie on two consecutive trips to the line. There's knowing your limitations, and then there's being so offensively limited that your team is playing four-on-five when you're on the floor.

My next game is against Phoenix; at least I can cheer Captain Canada, boo Half Man Half Season, and get drunk with my friends. And it will be Marcin Gortat's turn to beat our soft front line like a rented mule.

This team stinks and is getting worse. Cleveland, Sacramento and New Jersey, meet you at the bottom of the standings.

Anonymous Czernobog said...
The Craptors' 3-pt streak is finally dead. I wonder if that warrants a second mascot fail vid.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
The Other Chris - You forgot to mention that you witnessed the end of the only thing the Raptors had left going for the organization, and probably the reason why Gaines was in there for the last play: Going 0-13 from the arc marks the end of their league leading 986 game streak with at least 1 3ptm. And Dallas is only 5 games behind to break it.

Blogger chris said...
Let's all not forget that Sundiata DID have that Nationally Televised Game Winner Against The King Crab-era Cavaliers....

...last year.

Blogger Wild Yams said...
Dan B. - At the Dolph Lundgren film festival they showed Red Sonja, Universal Soldier, Rocky IV, The Punisher and I Come In Peace. I couldn't convince the friend I went with (cause I sure as hell wasn't going alone) to stay for more than half of Universal Soldier and all of Rocky IV, but it was still awesome. They even served "Dolph Dogs" at the concession stand (they were described as "man sized franks"). The crowd giggled their way through most of what I saw, although there was a huge amount of over-enthusiastic fake cheering during Rocky IV. That movie rules.

Anonymous Barry said...
Looks like Justin Bieber got dressed in the dark...he's not doing anything to dispel preconceived notions.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Triano seemed oblivious that a 10 year plus 3 point shooting streak was on the line for the Raptors. And seemed even more clueless about how passionate Raptors fans were about holding this record as lore to the franchise, making the final minutes especially difficult to watch. Way to draw up those lock plays Jay, truly a great moment in coaching history.

I think I will stop going to Raptors games as a sign of protest about how disconnected the string jerkers of this team are. Triano, that's going to go down on your watch this record ended. People won't remember how lop sided your win-loss record was in 10 years because you will likely be remember for that when the history books are dusted off.

And Bargnani? You were supposed to step up man. Not back off constantly from behind the arc like there were hot coals there. Hugely disappointing evening.

Anonymous Marc d. said...
As a Raps fan, I am actually glad that stupid 3-point streak is over with. Maybe now they can put that nonsense behind them and, you know, go into the paint now and then.

Blogger Lord Kerrance said...
@ Anonymous -- I think I would have been more pissed if Triano had guys chucking it up from all over in an effort to keep the strak alive. I love the Raps, and frankly I'm glad it's dead. Anything that exposes how awful this club is (and how much needs to change) is all right in my book.

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