Doesn't this picture make you sad we didn't have any NBA games yesterday?

I hate Duke. Sigh. Let's move on.

Golden State Warriors head coach Don Nelson is just one victory away from becoming the NBA's all-time leader in wins as a coach. Of course this record says nothing of his actual success since it ignores his multitude of losses, but it's still a relatively impressive accomplishment I suppose. But is it that big of a deal? As noted by Marc Stein:
One win away from becoming the NBA's all-time winningest coach, with a game forthcoming Tuesday night against the eminently beatable Washington Wizards, Nelson has canceled the Golden State Warriors' morning shootaround.

Reason being: Nelson has managed, through some of wife Joy's connections, to arrange a pregame private tour of the White House for the 23-win Warriors.
Nellie, I salute you for giving us all years and years of entertainment, and for giving Basketbawful one more reason to exist. Sadly Don Nelson also says in the interview for that article that he plans to retire after one more season. At least we still have another full year to enjoy his bawfulness.

In other news, holy freaking crap:

I knew that pro-level athletes were obviously able to run faster than the average person, but holy crap. I had no idea just how stupidly fast the human body can go. I think I ran out of breath and got cramps just from watching that video.

One last aside before we delve into the pictures from the weekend. This is completely and totally not basketball related, but is definately worth passing along. I found an article that claims there is a Sandra Bullock/Jesse James sex tape. The best quote from the article:
The alleged tape reportedly includes James smearing feces on Bullock’s upper lip during various types of anal sex, lots of profanity hurled from both parties, and a leather clad James, sporting a Hitler mustache with brown hat with a swastika, ramming a handcuffed Bullock’s bottom with a shotgun in his left hand.
...wow. That sounds even more intense than the virtual mind sex Sandra Bullock's character had with Sly Stallone in Demolition Man.

Worst of the Weekend in Pictures:

Is there anything more awkward looking than Stan Van Gundy holding a basketball?

..yes, there is.

Thank you, Rockets assistant coach John Sigma, for giving us one of the saddest facepalms in a while

Elton Brand, Defensive Master

John Kuester attempts to will the ball into the hoop with his mind powers

LeBron and Delonte West attempt to... yeah, I have no idea what they're doing

Geordi La Forge is Captain Jack's favorite Star Trek character

Shh... it's naptime

Who wants to break it to Carlos Boozer that he isn't Superman?

All The Games:
Craptors at Crabs: These last few games of the regular season are effectively meaningless for Cleveland, while Toronto needs some wins to lock up a chance to lose to the Crabs in the first round of the playoffs. However, the Craptors are still the Craptors, so they'll probably lose this one anyway.

Pistons at 76ers: Eleven consecutive losses. Damn. This is the second time this season Detroit's had double-digit losing streaks. It's almost just sad at this point.

Warriors at Wizards Generals Bullets: To be fair, this game really is a good opportunity for Nellie to get that milestone win...

Hawks at Bobcats: The Bobcats are trying to stay healthy, and failing. Lately Captain Jack has been hampered by injuries to his hamstring, ankle, elbow, and hand. In related news, team doctors confirmed his ligaments and muscles are actually made of Silly Putty and vaginal fluid.

Celtics at Knicks: Nate Robinson didn't play against the Crabs. Was Doc Rivers saving him for an epic revenge game against the Knicks?! (Nah.)

Bucks at Bulls: I just thought about seeing Andrew Bogut's elbow injury. I'm just gonna go over here and dry heave for a moment...

Rockets at Grizzlies: During the first three games of their current road trip, the Rockets have allowed 122 PPG. It's a shame they don't have a "D" in their name that I can remove.

Thunder at Jazz: The Thunder have won all three of their games against the Jazz this season, yet Accuscore gives the Jazz an 80% chance of victory. This is why I hate math.

Spurs at Kings: The Spurs will be without the services of Tony Parker and George Hill against the Purple Paupers. Meanwhile, Sacramento's on a seven-game losing streak, and as of the last time I checked, they are still the Purple Paupers. I'll allow you to draw your own conclusions.

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Blogger chris said...
Yeah, Bogut may have had successful surgery today but it's looking like the rehab will take 6 weeks, more than enough time for the deer to have faced the headlights in a one-and-done playoff appearance.

Blogger Dylan said...
Where does the Gordon Heyward half court shot rank if it goes in? It has to be at least top 3 all time, NBA or college hoops. I'd say #1, considering the stakes and the difficulty, but thats just me.

Anonymous Sorbo said...
One of the best college finals in a long time. Had Hayward hit either shot, that could have gone down as the greatest game behind Valvano's N.C. State victory. One or two calls probably went Duke's way, but really no egregious officiating. I liked that there was no intentional foul call on the Hayward takedown, the refs did a decent job of letting them play. The best play of the night: Howard leveling Singler with a pick on the final shot. I wanted Hayward to hit that halfcourter, just so we could see Singler crumple to the floor when the shot is replayed over and over on ESPNClassic. The game's only negative: Clark Kellogg's color commentating.

Anonymous laddde said...
Is that Hedo "love in the club" Torkuglu? He seems happy to be getting a free-shot.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Come on Dan B....it's Jack Sickma, not John Sigma. There's no excuse for not knowing who that is... Unless you claim to not recognize him without the incredible blond permafro.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
I just heard some amazing commentary from the craptors' home feed:

Announcer 1: Hey, they gave us one green die, makes me feel like Vegas. (rolls a 6)

Announcer 2: Woah! Oh, the Raptors have 6 games remaining. Why don't you roll that again and see how many of those they're going win?

(*I think you see where this is going*)

Announcer 1: (rolls die-pauses) Why don't I try that again?

Proceeds to roll 3 more times before commercial break, never announcing how many games the Craps will win.

Blogger Junior said...
lol, didn't know that sandra bullock like the dirty sanchez!

Blogger Will said...
The 76ers deserve an epic fail for giving up 124 points to Detroit. Not only did Benny "the Mummy" Wallace go for 18 on 8-10, but Joe Dumars' $95 million coke party combined for 38 points.

Blogger Dan B. said...
Anonymous -- Actually, it's apparently spelled Sikma. I didn't have a clue who he was and had never heard that name before and had to look at the ESPN.com caption to see who it was. (And yes, ESPN.com spelled it Sigma. Aren't they supposed to know this stuff?) Apparently he played half of his career before I was even born.

(Googles to find pics of his 80s blond permafro)

Oh my God that is some legendary hair.

Blogger Unknown said...
Dear god, can we get a special women's basketbawful? Those were the two best teams women's college basketball had to offer? Really?

Blogger Unknown said...
Looking forward to the next post, Knicks over Boston and Washington over GSW by 18 :D. So much bawful i can barely contain myself

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Wow, Jacoby Ford is one fast motherf***er.

Blogger PB44 said...
I missed out on the glory days where blonde permafros could get you 16/10 career averages.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Sorry to disappoint you further after the Bulldog's loss, but Nellie is unlikely to return next year, especially if the team gets sold.

And it's a bit unclear: did Herr Oberst Jesse ram Shitlips Sandra's bottom with his penis or the shotgun?

Anonymous DKH said...
OK, I didn't watch the women's championship game, but from the box score, that game must have just been full of bawful. Field goal percentages for the two teams: 26.5% and 32.8%. Connecticut enjoyed a 22-to-4 free throw attempt advantage (but only a 9-to-3 free throws made advantage [yes, 40.9% FT%; they must think they're Ben Wallace]).

Not to mention Connecticut's 12 point first half, or that Stanford had only scored 2 second-half points when there were 12 minutes to go in the game.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
IT IS JACK SIKMA!!!!!!!! C'Mon man!!!

Anonymous Riley said...
I'm going to say this right now:

I'm not convinced that Durant was fouled at the end of the Utah-OKC game, partly because the only replays nba.com's showing are from the left side, so we can't see any contact. But it looked to me like Miles got Durant in the shooting hand while that hand was still on the ball, which at least at the high school and college levels is legal. But I'd love to see a replay from the other side if anyone can find it.

Just wanted to be on record as one of the very few people who think the ref's (might have) got that one right.

Anonymous Riley said...
Okay, changing my stance. ESPN's got a good slo-mo close up of contact on the wrist. The ref on the top of the screen really blew that call by letting the two stationary players stand between him and the play.

Blogger gordon gartrelle said...
Field goal percentages for the two teams: 26.5% and 32.8%. Connecticut enjoyed a 22-to-4 free throw attempt advantage (but only a 9-to-3 free throws made advantage [yes, 40.9% FT%; they must think they're Ben Wallace]).

Not to mention Connecticut's 12 point first half, or that Stanford had only scored 2 second-half points when there were 12 minutes to go in the game.

But...the women's game is so pure, so fundamentally sound! They play the way the game was meant to be played!

Blogger Sturla said...
I don't know which is worse, that the Celtics lost to the Bricks or that they let Earl Barron utterly destroy them with 17 points and 18 rebounds.

Blogger Austen said...
Yeah, it's unfortunate that my Jazz had to win via a no-call at the end of the game, but to me it makes up for that horrendous phantom call on Millsap the last time these two teams met that gave the Thunder a win. Man, I really don't want to meet this team in the playoffs. Garnett wasn't kidding though: the Refs are eager to give Durant the benefit of a foul call 99.9% of the time, just like they did Jordan in his day.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
For the man love posts I was surprised http://sports.espn.go.com/nba/players/photo?photoId=560658&playerId=3467 didn't make it.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Man love supreme