Bron Yi
Is it just me, or does it look like he's pooping out
Yi Jianlian? Please tell me I'm not the only one.

Today's picture was provided by Geert.

The Orlando Magic's "defense" on Chris Bosh: It's not just the 40 points or the 18 rebounds -- 7 of which were nabbed off the offensive glass, by the way -- it's also the fact that he shot a near-perfect 14-for-19 from the field AND went to the line 16 times. And lest you think last night's eruption was a fluke, allow me to turn your attention to February 20, 2008, when Bosh also dropped 40 points on the shooting 14-for-16 from the field and 11-for-11 from the line. He also had a 39-pointer against the magicians in last year's playoffs.

The Toronto Raptors: Bad Sign #127 -- Your star player completely and totally dominates and yet you still lose by double-digits. Although, to be fair, the absence of starting PG Jose Calderon (strained right hammy) might have had something to do with it: The mighty dinos turned the ball over 21 times (including 7 for Calderon's replacement Will Solomon) while registering only 12 assists. Oh, and speaking of Solomon...

Will Solomon: Oh dear God, Will, why? Why?!

It's not quite as bad as Zach Randolph's Worst Possession Ever...but it's damn close. Top five, for sure. Muchas gracias to the anonymous commenter who provided the link.

Courtney Lee and Marcin Gortat: They COMBINED to play eight minutes, finishing with 0-for-2 shooting and 1 personal foul BETWEEN them. That's a two-man suck differential of +3 off the bench.

Hassan Adams: Turned in his third trillion performance of the season with a one trillion against the Magic. He is still averaging a one trillion, by the way. That's right. AVERAGING.

The Atlanta Hawks: Yup. They are who we thought they were. The dirty birds lost their fourth straight game (following the 6-0 start) by letting the Pacers shoot 55 percent against them (including 61 percent from downtown). I don't even have it in me to detail all the crappy performances Mike Woodson got out of his team...except for Randolph Morris, who sounds like an unfiltered cigarette. He finished with 3 personals and 0-for-1 shooting in almost eight minutes of PT.

The Charlotte Bobcats' starting lineup: They COMBINED to score 26 points, 6 fewer than Dirk Nowitzki had against them (and only 5 more than D.J. Augustin had off their bench). They shot 9-for-39 and committed 9 turnovers (compared to only 6 assists). The 'Cats started the game 0-for-9 from the field 0-for-2 from the foul line with three turnovers -- at one point, Raymond Felton stepped on the sideline with nobody within 10 feet of him -- before Augustin scored Charlotte's first two points...with 5:20 left in the first quarter. "It looked basically like the varsity scripting plays against a rec team out there," said Gerald Wallace, who finished with 8 points on 3-of-13 shooting. "They did whatever they wanted to do." You aren't wrong, Gerald.

The Washington Wizards: Coach Eddie Jordan said: "We don't have rhythm, we don't have harmony, we're trying to incorporate chemistry." And that was BEFORE his Wiz lost to the Heat at home to drop to 1-7 on the season. Afterwards, he had this to say: "This team is built a certain way, fellas. This team is built for Gilbert Arenas to lead us. This team is built for our All-Star forwards to carry the wings for us, and for Brendan Haywood to have a career year manning the middle for us. We don't have those things. And this team, you're asking people to do things that they're not capable of doing. They're not capable of carrying the load for us like a Dwyane Wade, like a Gilbert Arenas. You've got young guys who aren't going to make veteran plays night-in and night-out. You put all those things together, and to be in the game is a credit to everybody in this organization right now. You've got to stay positive, but you've got to be realistic about things." Ooooookay. At least Eddie can finally fall back on the "We don't have Gilbert Arenas" excuse. He's been sitting on that one for a while. It's going to be a long season in Washington, folks.

Update! Andray Blatche: Bulletproof (real nickname) released a foul wind on the Washington bench...from which there was NO ESCAPE. People in Chicago are always doing that on the elevator. Just FYI. I found this at Ball Don't Lie, but you can see stills of the entire odorous incident as it went down at Truth About It.


The New York Knicks: They were within 4 points with 1:14 left when Brian Scalabrine -- oh yeah, you read that correctly -- hit a dagger three-pointer to pretty much close the deal. I'm pretty sure "not setting Brian Scalabrine beat you" is a prerequisite for winning in the NBA. I'd say that the Knicks weren't guarding him because, you know, he's Brian Scalabrine. But Mike 'Antoni teams don't guard anybody, which would explain why Boston (shooting 44 percent on the season) hit 53 percent of their field goals last night.

Quentin Richardson: From Basketbawful reader RM: "I'm a long time reader who's never posted a comment, but you HAVE to put this in your WotN. After the Knicks-Celtics game, Quentin Richardson said: 'I'm just real curious to see what those guys will be saying if we weren't in a basketball league and didn't have referees. I mean, it wouldn't be the same story. I mean, they are the world champions and rah, rah, rah, but the tough part I don't factor. I come from a neighborhood where you can say what you want to say, but until you do something, it don't mean nothing.' What the hell?! A championship isn't considered doing something in the NBA anymore? And I'm pretty sure that toughness and defense is exactly how they did it. Besides, toughness comments coming from someone on a team that has teerrrrribbbbllleeee defense is just damned retarded." Seriously. Put the dumb pills down, Quentin.

A few more if Q's choice words: "I think a few of those guys know they can’t just say anything to us.... Some of those guys are happy to get a ring, but you ain't been in the league long enough to talk to people like that. I don't have a lot of respect for that. Like I said, I'd be curious to hear what they have to say in a different setting. I'd be very curious to see that." I'm sorry, but really, when did Quentin Richardson become a "tough guy"? Did I miss something? Does he suddenly think he's all manly and stuff because he plays in New York?

The New Jersey Nets: They shot 36 percent from the field and had more turnovers (13) than assists (12). Which makes sense when you consider their shoot-first PG did the same thing (5 TOs to only 4 ASTs). Speaking of Devin...

Devin Harris, excuse machine: He had breakaway dunk attempt blocked by LeBron James and was quick to try and explain it away after the game. "He's 6-9 and 260. You try to quick dunk him if you can. If not, hey, he got a piece of it. He came back and he played it. If I had a good ankle, now that would be something to think about." That's right, people. It was just the bad ankle. And he would have totally schooled that British guy in the sweater if only he'd known the guy could ball. Blah, blah, blah. Here's the block. Sorry the previous video was wrong.

LeBron James: Before Cleveland's game against the Nets, King James let everybody -- and by "everybody" I mean the Cavs management -- that he won't hesitate to leave Cleveland if another franchise offers him a better chance to win championships (and, presumably, bags and bags of money plus a secret volcano lair carved in his likeness). Said the King: "I think you do what is best for you and you do what is best for your career." Feeling the love yet, Cleveland? Mind you, this is the same guy who complained (bitterly) about his home crowd wanting free chalupas the other night. I guess you can only do what's best for you if you're LeBron James, huh?

Bizarre injuries: From the AP recap's game notes: "Cavs coach Mike Brown seemed to pull a hamstring retrieving a loose ball in the game." Wow.

Lorenzen Wright and Trenton Hassell: Trenton saw Lorenzen's one trillion and raised him a four-minute, 1-foul stint that earned him a +1 suck differential. Anything Wright can suck, Hassell can suck better.

The Sacramento Kings: Last night made it official: The Kings are worse than the Memphis Grizzlies. They let the teddy bears shoot 54 percent (62 from beyond the arc) and outrebound them 46-33...a solid effort on the Suck Fail Scale (I give it a 7.6). Rookie forward Jason Thompson, who had two of his shots blocked (a game high!), said: "Some of the stuff [the Grizzlies] were doing, it happened so fast that we weren't reading our coverages, and guys were missing assignments." When the Grizzlies are moving faster than your senses can accurately perceive, you really need to have those senses checked by a licensed medical practitioner. They did hold O.J. Mayo to only 11 points, though. Sometimes it's the little victories that count, even though they aren't real victories. Oh, and a special callout goes to Quincy Douby, who went 0-for-9 off of Sactown's bench.

The Milwaukee Bucks: When Austin Croshere is your second-leading scorer on the night, you know something has gone terribly, horribly wrong.

Andrew Bogut: The line: 2 points, 3 rebounds, 4 turnovers and 4 fouls in 16 minutes. I'm sorry, Milwaukee Bucks. You can't take that $60 million extension back.

Here's a fun little extra: Bogut quotes from when he got that extension: "I don't feel comfortable talking about $60 million, whatever I'm making a year. At the end of the day, you're putting a ball in the hoop and making a very good living for it. It's very humbling in that sense. I've got some people, my trainer (Sinisa Markovic) for one, he'll slap me around if I change. I've got some friends that are pretty hard on me in a way. I don't just have 'yes' people around me. I need people around me to tell me how it is. You never know what can happen in the future, but I don't see myself changing too much. I think I'm just a regular guy that plays basketball." Yup. Just a regular guy who plays basketball, earns $10+ million per year (starting next season) and high fives invisible teammates. You know, just like you and me.

A stupid Nuggets fan: Our buddy Ben Q. Rock of The Third Quarter Collapse provided the following write-in: "It's pretty ridiculous for a guy to hold a sign saying 'Iverson Who?' while wearing an Iverson jersey. It's like, dude, just check your own clothing if you've forgotten who the guy is. God." And here's the idiot in question:

AI who
Pssst. You might wanna look at the back of your jersey...

The Chicago Bulls: They might have actually had a chance to beat the Lakers last night...if not for those 22 turnovers. They also got 11 of their shots stuffed. Said Bulls coach Vinny Del Negro: "I thought we forced some things inside, and their guys are so long that they're going to block some shots. We made a couple of bad judgments going up, and you're not going to go over those guys very often because they're so long. You've got to get into their body and be physical. It was kind of an up-tempo game at times and we got a little sloppy with the basketball." They're so long, you gotta get into their body. No comment.

Luol Deng: He was 4-for-11...and only 2-for-8 on his jumpers. Man, remember when Deng had that sweet midrange stroke? Maybe you don't, because it's been missing for a year and a half. But trust me, at one time, a Deng jumper felt like an automatic. Now it's only an automatic miss and a potential fast break for the opposing team.

Luke Walton: His season of woe continues: 3 minutes, 0-for-2, 1 rebound, 1 foul. At this point, even his former stalker wants nothing to do with him.

Sasha Vujacic and Trevor Ariza: Did anybody else notice their little lovers' spat last night? I think Sasha must still be upset about that chest bump...

The Portland Trail Blazers: I'm sure Blazers Nation is heaving a deep, shuddering sigh of relief over Greg Oden's performance (22 points, 8-for-12, 10 rebounds, 2 blocked shots), but their team lost a very winnable game due to 21 turnovers and 9 missed free throws. And 5 of those TOs belonged to Mr. Oden...and he had the ball knocked out of his hands twice in the last few minutes while he was winding up for the slam. Said Oden: "I want to put that loss on me. We were scrapping, trying to get it back, and it just didn't seem to go our way. We've got to take care of the ball. You can't expect to beat somebody in their home gym by giving them 21 extra possessions." Pretty much, yeah.

LaMarcus Aldridge: For one night he actually played like Tyrus Thomas: LaMarcus finished with more fouls (6) than points (4) or rebounds (4). He also shot 2-for-7 and had 3 turnovers.

The team formerly known as the SuperSonics: I got the following email from Basketbawful reader Samahn that I had to share: "You should also call the Thunder the 'klahoma City Thunder since they have no Offense at all...besides Durant dribbling and chucking up contested jumpers that clank off the rim. That whole 1-10 record isn’t by accident." Done. The 'klahoma City Thunder they shall be.

The American Legal System (again): Prepare for a jolt to your hate bone: The city of Attleboro, Massachusetts, sent Eileen Wilbur -- a 74-year-old blind woman -- a letter threatening to put a lien on her home...because of a one-cent overdue water bill. Oh yes they did. I'm so glad that our government, which has been paying billions of dollars to bail out rich guys, found time in its busy kitten-drowning and orphan-baking schedule to bully an old, disabled woman over a piece of currency that 100 percent of elected officials wouldn't even bend over to pick up if it was laying on the sidewalk. Antonio Viveiros, a former city councilor, paid Wilbur's bill in full.

NBA attendance: Ball Don't Lie has an interesting post about how lousy fan attendance has been at NBA games this season. I have my own thoughts on this, but I'm curious about what you folks think. Are you lovin' it live? Why or why not?

Kobe Bryant: He called a friend on the East Coast from the Lakers locker room even though he has a cell phone plan with free long distance and unlimited minutes. THAT'S A LONG DISTANCE CALL, KOBE!!!

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Blogger Cortez said...
"...except for Randolph Morris, who sounds like an unfiltered cigarette."


Anonymous Anonymous said...
If I'm not mistaken, that was Zach Randolph's worst possession ever... not Eddy Curry's. His worst possession ever is the possession of the hope that he'll ever play again.

Blogger Matt Grady said...
My guy Dominic McGuire posted a +1 suck differential (0-1 FG) last night in 4 minutes of play. Not quite as good as his +2 in 13 minutes last week, but I suppose that's his fault for setting the bar so high.

Blogger BJ said...
Dirk outscores an entire starting lineup? All is right with the world. :-D

I've been to every home game so far. I'm tragically broke. So . . . how? When all else fails, there's the $2 seats up with the birdies. And win or lose, I always have a good time at a Mavs game. With tickets that inexpensive (the next upgrade is eighteen bucks, ten on family nights), it works out to be cheaper than a movie and considerably more fun.

There's no way to do it, but I'd suggest finding a way to cut out Ticketmaster. They're evil, greedy, profit-mongering, and a bloody pain in the ass. More to the point they don't make it easier to get what you want. Last year I went to a Ticketmaster outlet at a Macy's, hoping to get handicap accessible seats without having to call the arena directly. You can't do that on Ticketmaster's website.

Turns out you can't do it at their outlets either. And I still had to pay a convenience charge! Fuck that shit.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
Suck differential is a quantitative measurement. The Fail Scale should be used in your qualitative analysis of the Sac' Kings.

And in the Bobcats' defence, they've been without Jason Richardson for a week, which I'm only painfully aware of due to his absense in my fantasy starting lineup, which of course forces me to check Bobcats game box scores (barf).

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Marco Belinelli had a 3 trillion with a suck differential of +2 last night. Remember kids: summer league is meaningless.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
I don't know about everyone else, but there are certain games you attend where you can just tell that nobody gives a shit...the players are just going through the motions. No passion, nothing. Unless it's a nationally televised game, a rivalry, or the second half of the season(and the team is a playoff contender), the games can be pretty lackluster. On TV, you only see what the producers let you and the broadcasters' enthusiasm can actually deceive a viewer into believing that the competition is more intense than it is.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Your site cracks me up everyday... But just because I must have watched it about a thousand times, I noticed the famous Zack Randolph play entitled as The Fat Currys one. So don´t you confuse them two, Eddy´s got still a lot to learn of his sensei to get such a thing done on his own. Or maybe this just includes too much movement for him...

Anonymous Anonymous said...
buy scalped tickets!!!!!! with the horrible attendance this year, the scalpers are selling at extreme lows...they have to eat them if they dont sell them so theyll give em up dirt cheap...i got courtside, row 1 for the nets game for 60 bucks a ticket the other can get upstairs for 10 bucks anywhere i am sure

Blogger adam said...
Can you have a separate posts for Super Marios, Marios, suck differentials, and trillions so I can skip it? I have to say I'm already getting sick of seeing these descriptions littered around a perfectly good "Worst of" article. Every night there are going to be many of these, so this is already getting old. Oh wow, someone got put in for a minute of a game and they didn't happen to get the ball...what a surprise.

Blogger Dan B. said...
I think Adam's post is the blog comment equivalent of a +4 suck differential.

Since I feel like it's worth mentioning, some college basketball suck from last night. Last night's Kentucky/North Carolina game was painful. (Aside from 28 team turnovers), the Wildcats bench had ZERO points. Here are some of the highlights (as per

AJ Stewart contributed one rebound and nothing else in 5 minutes of playing time. SO close to a trillion...
In 9 minutes, Josh Harrellson had 2 rebounds, 2 fouls, 1 block, and 1 turnover, which all cancel each other out effectively, and no points.
DeAndre Liggins had 7 assists, 1 steal... and 4 turnovers and 3 fouls to go with his 0 points in 18 minutes.
And, the Vortex of Suck, Darius Miller. 13 minutes, 0 points, 0 rebounds, 0 assists, 0 steals, 1 block, 5 turnovers, 3 fouls. Seriously. That's just HORRENDOUS basketball, Darius Miller.

(Sorry if this somehow double-posts, Internet gateway trouble a couple minutes ago here at work)

Anonymous Anonymous said...
I've been to live nba games about half a dozen times and I thought the experience was completely underwhelming... especially the first time, since I went in with high expectations. Although, in the leagues defense, they were all clippers games. Bottom line is, tickets should be more affordable or else, the league should put pressure on teams to make the game-going experience worth the asking price. (better half-time shows at the staples center please)

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Oh could you not include Sasha Vujacic's blown dunk was hilarious! Does anyone have a youtube clip of that?

Blogger koberulz said...
I actually agree with adam to a degree. Sure, there can be particularly notable occurances (McGuire's +2 SD in 13 minutes, for example), but seeing ten straight listings simply saying that someone got a small amount of court time/stats gets a little monotonous. There's no need to post every single trillion that occurs on a given night. It just gets boring.

I think you need to drop the Kobe-bashing entries, least for a couple of weeks. They aren't really that funny anymore. Partially because there's one every damn day, but also because you went and set yourself such a high standard so early in the season you can't really live up to it anymore. It was good early, but started going downhill after the one about the 10 items or less checkout and paying the exact charge in pennies, because nothing matches that on the awesomeness scale.

Seriously. Take a break for a week or two, come back at it funnier than ever. Don't let the joke run itself into the ground, because then you tarnish the awesomeness of the earlier efforts.

Blogger mfeige said...
I like seeing games live, but then again I'm a Lakers fan, so I probably kick babies daily and race to beat out handicap people for the big stall. I'm also evidently stupid because I just commented on the wrong post.

Blogger Caleb Smith said...
I like my Kobe comments, trillions, marios, etc.

Please keep them.

Blogger tree said...
Kudos to Oden for at least manning-up and taking responsibility for the loss (even though he isn't the only one responsible). Between his play last night and his comments afterward, I'd be encouraged if I were a Blazers fan. Of course, I cheer for the Raps who happen to have a #1 stiff named Bargnani, so I hate you for having Oden.

As for the attendance Q - I work for an investment bank in Toronto and used to attend quite a few games. With the prospect of losing my job at any minute, I've decided to save my money rather than attending games at the moment.

Blogger Lord Kerrance said...
Tree-- I work for a fund company in Waterloo. I'll see you in the unemployment line.

And the only Raptors games I've been to were with an ex who got a discount for being a teacher (or someting). Even at a discount, it was like $60 a seat for mid-level seats behind the basket. Ridiculous, but there's no other basketball within a few hours of here so I guess we're stuck.

Blogger tree said...
Let the good times roll, lord kerrance! When I'm forced to ride the rails like the '20s searching for work, I'll make a stop in the K-Dub.

As for the people trashing the trillions and Kobe bits, you do realize you don't have to read it, right? It amazes me that people will willingly come to a site to peruse the content, then take the time to criticize it. Every trillion entry says so in the bolded subject line, just skip it. I mean, do you read every article in a magazine or newspaper?

Blogger Jake said...
About the Lebron / Devin Harris block, that's not the video. I was at the game last night (Cleveland fan who lives in New Jersey) and the Cavs were wearing their red jerseys, shown by the picture of Lebron and Yi at the beginning of the post. That block video the Cavs are wearing their secondary blue road jerseys.

I've been looking around on the internet for video of the block but I can't find it. What happened was Harris was on a fast break, wide open, going up for a dunk. Lebron came out of no where from behind and somewhat blocked / bothered his shot enough that it hit off the back of the rim and went out of bounds. Sorry, but even with a healthy ankle Lebron still would've blocked the shot. He's that good at running down people on fast breaks and swatting it away.

As for the attendance, I was at my first NBA game of the year last night and the crowd at New Jersey was pathetic!!! It was super quiet almost the whole game, even when the Nets were winning. When the Cavs pulled away in the third quarter people started leaving. I wouldn't go to games if I were a Nets fan, its actually somewhat boring being there. The halftime entertainment was Donnie Klang for god's sake!!!
He's kind of a poor man's Justin Timberlake, but with a bad voice and even worse dance moves.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Funny how a guy named "koberulz" is tired of the Kobe jokes.

Also funny how people complain about the free content on a blog done by a guy in his spare time.

Seriously- I bet you jokers would complain about the toppings you didn't like on a free pizza too. Just pick them off- don't be such weeny-whiners. If you don't want to read about the marios and super-marios, then skip them!

Some of us non-kobe-fan-boys find the constant Kobe-busting quite entertaining. And I laugh my ass off when I read about a guy like Luke Walton getting a mario when he makes 6 million a year. THAT is the worst of professional basketball.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Please write this blog in the exact manner that I would prefer. Every time. And change it as my mood changes.

Actually, feedback is good. However, I recommend e-mailing bawful at with your suggestions. I know he's always looking to improve. And don't critique too hard - the amount of time he spends writing is immense. Thanks Bawful. You spend more time on my happiness than my wife.

Blogger chris said...
I love seeing updates on trillions and marios, because they remind us all, with our Clark Kent jobs...what having the right last name, or the right agent in a contract year, can do for you. :p

Anonymous Anonymous said...
jake, the video of lebron disrupting Harris' shot is on Number 5 of the NBA TV Daily Top 10 on youtube.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
I love the blog and laugh out loud reading it at least once a day. The question about attending games live made me want to make my first post.

I'm a Jazz fan, and the only games I've ever been to were at the Salt Palace, Delta Center and ESA. (Sidenote: the one game I saw at the Salt Palace was when Karl Malone had his career high against the Bucks. That was sweet!) Anyway, I love going to the games! Maybe it's due to the fact that the Jazz rarely lose at home and it's fun to see your team win. Or maybe it's the atmosphere with all the screaming fans and feeling like you may have some part in helping your team win. Or maybe it's eating at Crown Burger before the game so you can get free parking. Probably all three.

Ticket prices here aren't too out of control yet, but I still am an upper decker. The best way I've found to purchase tix are off Ebay. Most the time the seller will just email them to you so you pay no shipping or stupid service charges. And Tickemaster blows!

Blogger Jake said...
Thanks for finding the video Alex. After watching it closely, and I noticed this last night at the game, it looks like Devin just lost control and threw the ball over the rim and out of bounds. I dont think Lebron touched it, he messed with his shot just enough to make him blow the dunk. Of course the refs gave the ball to New Jersey, they were really bad all night long.

A bunch of times one ref would make a call while another would make the opposite (block/charge, Cavs ball/Nets ball, etc). Then they would all confer and decide on something. I've never seen this happen so many times in one game before. Lawrence Frank got T'd up because he was screaming at Violet Palmer, if I remember correctly she called Lebron for a block while one of the other refs called a charge on the Nets and she was over-rulled.

Blogger Basketbawful said...
cortez -- Well, it does, doesn't it?

jai -- Very correct. I mistook one tubby, defenseless Knick big man for another. My total bad. Funny, though, how I blew the reference despite linking to my own post. [Forehead smack]

matt grady -- Well, that's the thing, you know? We can't accept anything less, er, more from him now.

bj -- Agreed on TicketMaster. If I ever become Supreme Overlord of the Earth, I will personally torture and kill whoever invented TM's various fees and "convenience" charges.

anacondahl -- Changed it to Fail Scale. I'll have to come up with some kind of reference list for the FS. Also, man, this has been a rough fantasy season so far. I also have Michael Redd on my fantasy team. Between him, Williams and Mehmet, I've been screwed.

tehjay -- Seriously. I love reading about how so-and-so "dominated" the Summer League. Sure. And I could probably bash some heads in a peewee football game. Doesn't mean Brian Urlacher wouldn't tackle me into a juicy paste.

dima -- True. But then again, I don't think that basketball should only be enjoyable when it's super intense. I mean, realistically, I enjoy watching people play pickup. How could I not enjoy live NBA action, even if it wasn't top notch.

In fact, I would counter that apathy from the fans affects the players. Believe me, players get pumped up when the crowd is rowdy and into it.

gonzopal -- Yeah. I blew that one. Fixed now, tho'.

flitzy -- On the subject of scaped tix. The last time the Bulls were in the playoffs (versus the Pistons), I got "Game 3" tickets from StubHub. But when me and my friend got to the game (it was gonna be her first playoff game), the tix were rejected. Turns out that "Game 3" meant the third HOME game for the Bulls. Dude, I was PISSED. So I resolved to pay whatever I had to pay to a scalper to get us in, but she said not to bother. I have yet to buy a scalped ticket. Has anybody else done this? How much haggle room do you get?

adam -- I've considered reducing it to a weekly roundup of trillionaires and suck...uh, ers. I might still do it. In the meantime, if they bug you, I suggest you just skip past to the next entry.

dan -- Jeez. ZERO bench points? Forgive me, but I don't follow college basketball that closely (until right before the Madness, anyway). What's "typical" in terms of bench production in college ball?

jimbo jackson -- "...they were all Clippers games." I'm sorry.

anonymous #1 -- Damn it all! I was writing some football-related stuff during the game and had the volume on low. I must have missed that sequence. Argh!

koberulez -- Well, you might have noticed that I try to make sure there are never "ten straight listings" of trillions or suck differentials. Sometimes I combine 'em and sometimes (believe it or not) I omit them entirely ('though the omissions are often noted by somebody in the comments section).

I have plenty of Kobe entries left. Part of the reason they may have seemed "mailed in" lately is because I'm actually trying to make them mundane, if only because it amuses me.

mfeige -- Actually, you commented on the correct post. AND you made me laugh out loud with your description of Laker fandom-related evil. Thank you.

caleb -- They will definitely continue, in one form or another. I'm always trying to tweak things to enhance the 'Bawful experience.

tree -- Yikes. Good luck. My company supplies software solutions to large banks and brokerage firms, and we've had some clients drop off the face of the Earth...including Lehman Brothers. It's rough out there.

lord kerrance -- You are on a basketball island, aren't you? I guess if I don't want to pay out the you-know-what for Bulls tix, I can always drive to Milwaukee or Indianapolis... No, I'm on a basketball island, too.

jake -- You're right. I just put the correct video up. My bad. Yeah, you know, I've read many times that New Jersey has the worst crowds. Larry Bird used to give them a hard time about not cheering.

anonymous #2 -- That's the thing...worst of and all that.

baddave -- That's because I love you more than your wife does. You know it's true.

chris -- Exactly. Man, I just want to sign a two-year free agent contract. Is that too much to ask? I could be like Paul Shirley 2.0.

sea_mole -- DUUUUUDE!! You saw Karl's 61-point game?! That sharp pain you just felt was my jealousy stabbing you. know, I was making a point above that the players seem to try harder when the crowd is into it, and the Jazz crowd (based on what I see on the Truth Box) always seems really into it. That's one of the arenas I'd most like to see a game at.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Thus OUR man-love is revealed. Smooth, brother.

As for live games - no. I can see good action on TV, the costs aren't worth it (even before the economy took a nosedive), other fans or obnoxious or just don't care, I don't get my free taco because my teams don't score enough, and I just moved to an area that limits my only possible teams to go see as the Knicks, Nets, or 76ers.

Interestingly enough, I AM going to Saturday's Coyotes at the Flyers. That's hockey in case you're not familiar with those teams. Cheaper prices, interested fans, and I'm getting a free ride. :)

Blogger chris said...
Oh yeah, I must also reiterate that the trillion has its own Wikipedia entry. Thus, an entirely valid statistic to keep active track of. (Maybe we should get someone to do a CGI script that automatically compiles trillions after looking through box scores on sports sites?)

Seriously, 'bawful, though they don't know it're doing a service to NBA GMs everywhere (or at least those not named Isiah Thomas) - these are the players NOT TO OVERPAY to spend time on the bench, or walking onto the court for 5 seconds on a inbounding play, before walking back to the pine after a timeout is subsequently called, thus ending said player's duration of lacktion for the night.

Someday, your work in trillionaire/mario research will enable Basketbawful to be quoted with the same statistical reverence Moneyball is, for baseball. ;)

Anonymous Anonymous said...
I too thoroughly disappointed by the Bobcats, it really is as if they dont care. They don't deserve a bad-ass name.
I am still saddened that the ThunderCATs name never caught on, be could we donate the Bobcats "Cat" to the team who will not be named?
In other words, we would have the Charlotte Bobs and the 'Klahoma Thundercats.

Also, doesn't the stupid Nuggets fan look a lot like Mark Cuban?

Anonymous Anonymous said...
check out kobes "alley-oop pass" to ariza. it´s on the highlight reel.

Blogger starang said...
WHATS UP BISCUITBAWFUL!!! LONG TIME NO READ! Hey, I saw the 'klohomo's comment in your post, and I had to add this. I don't have time to to make it funny, so maybe you can...I went to an Oakies game here is PHX during preseason. Its customary for the announcer to say "SUNS BALL" to let the idiots that are asleep in the crowd who's ball it is. Well, guess what they said for the opposing team? You guessed it..."THUNDER BALL"....Thunder ball? Sounds like that move my ex-girlfriend tried on my junk right before I had to Thunder-kick-her-ass-out of my house.

I don't know, I thought it was funny. But then again, I was 3 to 5 jumbo's deep before tip-off.

Blogger Basketbawful said...
baddave -- What is this "hockey" of which you speak...?

chris -- Yeah. I think career numbers in trillions and Marios are a good indicator of whether you should pay a guy or not. I would say that five or more of each or total in one season would be a "no."

anonymous #1 -- You know, that Nuggets fan does sorta look like Cuban. Only, if it was Mark, he's probably be holding up a "Devin who?" sign so he could continue trying to justify the Kidd trade.

anonymous #2 -- Alley...oops.

starang -- DUDE! Welcome back, you crazy bastard! I was starting to worry about you. And you still crack my ass up...jumbos or no jumbos.

Anonymous Anonymous said... How long until Bowen tries something like this

Anonymous Anonymous said...
About the dude in the Iverson jersey... "Iverson Who" implies that "Iverson" is his first name... Maybe he didn't know he was talking about the guy on his jersey.

Blogger chris said...
Why do I suspect that there are people who score five trillions in 10 games? Hell, we need to keep track of the longest active trillion streaks too, or for that matter, the largest suck differential amassed during the season.

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
I have to admit, that sometimes lately the trillions in the worsties weren't as much fun because 1a) you didn't put a Bawful-standard joke or 1b) you didn't set the grammatical tone to make it sound like an accomplishment, and 2) the guy's name keeps making me go "wait, who? for what team? *looks it up on Yahoo*", so no net incentive was given to laugh at his suckness.

To accommodate both the lovers and haters, why not consolidate the trillion (this article needs to be expanded!) suckage reporting into a "Trillionaires of the Night" or something at the beginning of the Worst of the nights? This would give the opportunity to compare them in increasingly worse order, making comments as necessary, you could avoid just listing them out, it would be more efficient, and people that don't care can simply skip the section. And of course this opens up Top Trillion/Most Suck of the Night...


Also, Marbury All-Star '09.
60 days.
To save the NBA.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
In fairness to Richardson, the Celtics have been complete dicks since tha start of the finals last year - KG has become a immature boor, with the pushing, clapping in peoples faces, and taunting, and Pierce is so full of himself, always screaming and making that howling face every time he does something good. I am ashamed that I wanted to see the Cletics win it last year so kg could get his ring. the knicks are still losing (but not an embarassement anymore), but the celtics' big guns have no class.

Blogger Unknown said...
o come on you can't take Q's side in this - he just has this stupid thing with pierce and is pissed they lost

However I do agree that pierce is acting especially gay early in the season but Garnett hasn't done anything unusual - during a game hes so amp-ed he will slap someone or clap in their face or tap them on their ass repeatedly (when he was guarding gary payton 1 on 1 at the end of a game) - too bad I can't find video of this

Blogger koberulz said...
tree: "Every trillion entry says so in the bolded subject line, just skip it. I mean, do you read every article in a magazine or newspaper?"

It doesn't, actually. It just says the player's name. You have to read it to find out you don't want to read it, by which time it's too late. There are also some trillion entries that are worth reading, thus my proposal to cut down on them, rather than listing every single one.

Anonymous: "Funny how a guy named "koberulz" is tired of the Kobe jokes."

i'm not tired of them because they're Kobe jokes. I'm tired of them because they're not as funny as they used to be. Even if they were this mundane all year, I still wouldn't mind them--it's knowing that they're not as good as they used to be. Like MJ in 2003.

"Also funny how people complain about the free content on a blog done by a guy in his spare time."

I'm not complaining, I'm offering suggestions for improvements. There's a difference.

"Some of us non-kobe-fan-boys find the constant Kobe-busting quite entertaining."

I'm not a Kobe fanboy, I'm a Kobe fan. There's a difference. I, too, found it entertaining, it's simply the drop in the standard of the jokes that I'm not liking.

"And I laugh my ass off when I read about a guy like Luke Walton getting a mario when he makes 6 million a year. THAT is the worst of professional basketball."

Which is why I suggested Bawful pick some of the top few, and post them. Luke Walton not getting PT = funny (or depressing, depending on how much money you make yourself). Hassan Adams' PT = Who the hell is Hassan Adams and why should I care?

'Bawful: "Part of the reason they may have seemed "mailed in" lately is because I'm actually trying to make them mundane"

Doesn't that defeat the purpose of trying to be funny in the first place? How someone can find mundaneness amusing is beyond me, but it's even less amusing when you're not aware that it's intentionally mundane.

Blogger Dan B. said...
Bawful, I don't follow college basketball all that closely either (despite being in Louisville, KY, which is pretty much the heart of college basketball country). However, I can damn well tell you the average bench production in college basketball is better than zero points a game!! I'd guess the bench (depending on the size of the bench and depth of talent on the team, which can vary wildly in college basketball) on a decent team would average around 10-15 points a game maybe? Just guessing. Either way, it's still more than ZERO!!

Blogger AnacondaHL said...
Hassan Adams is a UA Wildcat, even top scorer on our '04 team with Channing Frye, Salim Stoudamire, and Andre Iguodala. I haven't the slightest clue why he's getting so little playing time, but the track record of recent UA ballers in the NBA has been particularily bad this year. I could probably write a "Worst of the Arizona alumns this season" post by now (Luke Walton, Jason Terry, Gilbert Arenas, etc. /FACEPALM).

But you know, typical of a Kobe fan to just not consider anything else, or assume that people are making you "should care".

By the way, rest assured, I personally asked Kobe on the Internet and he has confirmed that every mundane thing Basketbawful has written about him on the Internet in this blog on the Internet is 100% precise and accurate. On the Internet. I hope this clears up any non-awareness about those mundane-looking posts.

Blogger koberulz said...
"But you know, typical of a Kobe fan to just not consider anything else, or assume that people are making you "should care"."

I'm sure with correct grammar that sentence would make sense, but too bad for you that it doesn't, so I have no idea what you're trying to say. Additionally, not all Kobe fans are ignorant, and not all ignorant people are Kobe fans. Just because I don't follow college basketball and live in a country where basketball is as popular as food eating championships doesn't make me an idiot.

"By the way, rest assured, I personally asked Kobe on the Internet and he has confirmed that every mundane thing Basketbawful has written about him on the Internet in this blog on the Internet is 100% precise and accurate. On the Internet. I hope this clears up any non-awareness about those mundane-looking posts."

What exactly is your point here?

Blogger Wild Yams said...
I'm a day late here and nobody will read this, but the guy above talking about how all the games he's been to have been Clipper games reminded me of my very first live NBA game and how it was truly Basketbawful. I was about 13 at the time and my Dad got tickets to see the Bulls because he knew I wanted to see the world's best player Michael Jordan in person, and they were gonna be in town to play the Clippers. I was so excited that I was gonna get to see MJ in person and hopefully watch him and his Bulls pound the crap out of the hapless Clips, but that's not what happened. No, instead the Clippers routed the Bulls, and it was such a blowout that Jordan hardly played in the 2nd half. My hatred of the Clippers began at that game.

Luckily years later I had another chance to see Jordan play in person and it was a much different story as the Bulls beat their rivals the Knicks en route to 72 wins for the season. The highlight of that game for me though was getting to see Anthony Mason shoot those ugly as hell one handed free throws in person.

Blogger Basketbawful said...
Yams -- C'mon. You know I'm gonna read it. The funny thing is, I remember watching that game (from my home in Indiana, but still). I know this sounds crazy now, but back then Ron Harper and Mike had kind of a rivalry...and you'll notice Harper dropped 36 on Mike that night. Plus 7 assists.

Blogger Wild Yams said...
Trust me, I'm well aware of the night Ron Harper had back then. To this day my Dad still torments me by saying "Ron Harper!" exactly the way the Clipper PA guy did that night (over and over and over). My Dad definitely got a couple chuckles out of watching me get angrier and angrier at what a disaster that game turned into.

By the way, in looking at that box score, Jack Haley had a particularly Haleyesque game that night, with 12 minutes of PT, 0 points on one missed shot and two turnovers. At least he had a block, two assists and a rebound though. 1 rebound in 12 minutes when you're 7 feet tall? Gotta love Jack Haley. The definite worst of that night though was Ken Bannister, with 7 minutes and a suck differential of +5: 3 fouls and 2 turnovers were all that separated him from a 7 trillion.

Blogger Basketbawful said...
Yams -- Any discussion of Ken Bannister should acknowledge that he was one of the ugliest players in NBA history. I actually got derailed for 20 minutes Googling "Ken Bannister ugly." It led to strange places...

Anyway, favorte Ken Bannister story. Back in 1991, the C's were playing the Clips in L.A. Boston was killing them, no surprise there, and Larry Bird, after sticking a killer three, sticks out his hand and invites Bannister to high-five him. Bannister stared at Bird's hand for a good five seconds before smacking it, at which point the crowd erupted into chants of "LAR-EE, LAR-EE, LAR-EE!" Good times.

Blogger Wild Yams said...
The Clipper crowd was chanting for Larry Bird while he was beating their team? I've often thought that Clipper fans are not really Clipper fans so much as they are people who live in LA and hate the Lakers, and as such root for the other team. Like they might say "my two favorite teams are whoever is playing the Lakers, and the Clippers." Bill Simmons is a perfect example of this. Anyway, this would explain why they'd be cheering on the Larry Bird Celtics as they beat up on the team they're supposedly there to support.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
I agree with antoher anonymous, where is vujacic blown dunk! that was hilarious!

Blogger Statbuster said...
Fun fact: the guy in the Nuggets jersey is actually Mark Cuban's younger, unemployed, mildly retarded little brother Trevor Cuban. Now you know.

Blogger koberulz said...
Yams -- That could go a ways to explaining their "Beat LA" chants back in 06.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
no excuse for the knicks to not beat the celtics...with all the moves done today, we don't have anything to look forward to for a while, so we are forced to smile by watching nate robinson dance lol: