Kenyon Martin: Last night was the first time I got a close look at the lips that have been inked into Martin's neck. As far as I've been able to determine, the tat's an homage to his hottie girlfriend Trina...but my question is this: Why choose such a gay tribute? He might as well have gotten a tattoo of a penis or Richard Simmons. But who knows? Maybe Trina made him get it to keep all the NBA groupies away, because I'm pretty sure he'll be getting the John Amaechi treatment from now on. [The picture is from The Sports Hernia.]

Daniel Gibson: Gibson, who pulled out of his 5-for-26 shooting slump by going 7-for-11 against Enver, unveiled his latest masterpiece of hair-cuttery: A Superman-style symbol with a big "B" in it. He explained the hieroglyph thusly: "I talked to my Dad the other night and he said he hadn't seen my smile in a long time. I guess I was being 'Daniel' out there on the court, so I got the 'Boobie' symbol to remind me that I need to be out there having fun and enjoying the game again." Hey, who cares if you look like an idiot as long as you're having fun! I don't have a picture, unfortunately, but here's one of his last hair-stravaganza: Bat-Boobie.


The Enver Nuggets: The Nuggets had been playing better defense this season -- entering their showdown with the Cavaliers, they were allowing only 98.7 points per game -- but last night the "D" got chucked faster than a college freshman's dinner on penny beer night. The Cavs shot 57 percent and had 30 assists on 47 field goals en route to lighting up the scoreboard for 110 points. Doug Moe would be proud.

Tom Withers, AP Sports Writer: Basketbawful reader rmcdougall eagle-eyed the following typographical blunder: "From tonight's AP recap of the Denver-Cleveland game, a quote from Coach Brown: 'The first team that decided to defend in the second half was going to get the win,' Brown said. 'And we did. The first half was a rate race. R-A-T, R-A-C-E.' If you're going to quote the coach as he spells the words, you might as well spell them correctly yourself. Or it just makes it seem like Brown's spelling them for you, AP Guy." Great job, Tom! I'm sure you'll be getting a call from the Chicago Sun-Times any day now.

Joey Crawford: Joey strikes again! The ref with the infamously itchy whistle-finger hit Kenyon Martin with a flagrant 2 foul, which means an automatic ejection this season. Good call? Bad call? Ridiculous call? I'll let you be the judge.

Martin was understandably indignant after the game. "It's basketball, man -- it's a contact sport. It's not bowling or table tennis." No, it's certainly not. Fans can actually stay awake through most NBA games (assuming the Spurs aren't involved). What made the call even more ridiculous is that Dahntay Jones and LeBron got into a shoving match earlier in the game...and nothing was called. Not even a tech. Ah, NBA officiating: A model of inconsistency.

Sasha Pavlovic: Remember his big holdout at the beginning of last season? Well, he still hasn't recovered from it. Sasha's currently playing less than eight minutes a game (down from 23 MPG in 2007-08) and averaging 1.4 PPG. His supposed specialty is long-distance shooting, but he has yet to hit a three-pointer this season...and he's only attempted three of them. Last night, he played 11 and a half minutes without even attempting a shot and finished with 1 assist and 1 steal. But hey, at least he's making $4.5 million this season (and $4,950,000 in 2009-10). I hope he invests wisely.

Tarence Kinsey: Tarence, who once played for the Fenerbahçe Ülker in Turkey, had a 15-second Mario against the Nuggets.

The Chicago Bulls' first six minutes: They fell face-first into a 19-point first-quarter hole. Make that a first-six-minute hold. The Bulls missed 12 of their first 13 shots while teh Mavs were hitting eight of their first nine. And you could say the Chicago crowd was getting a bit restless.

Derrick Rose, quote machine: "There is no such thing as a 17- or a 19-point shot." True. But if there was, I'm willing to bet Antoine Walker would be shooting them right now.

The Dallas Mavericks' last 42 minutes: That 25-6 lead disappeared in a hurry and the Mavs -- who shot 36 percent for the game -- were outscored 92-66 after the hot start. Jason Terry was 5-for-14, Josh Howard was 7-for-23 and Herr Nowitzki was 5-for-17. Jason Kidd had more turnovers (5) than assists (4). And you know the deal with their bench. The Mark Cuban Freakout Clock is officially ticking. Loudly.

Jason Kidd, quote machine: "We don't play defense. That's been our problem. First six minutes we were playing defense and found ourselves up and that was it. We have as many offensive weapons (as anyone) in the league, but we got to find some guys who want to play defense."

Joakim Noah: From Basketbawful reader AnacondaHL: "Holy crap. I'm not a big fan of +/- in basketball, but how the hell do you get a -15 in only FOUR minutes, AND a +3 suck differential? Fantastic bawful 2nd start at center there, Joakim Noah." And from Junokasm: "Joakim: 0-1, 2 personal fouls in 4 energy-filled minutes; suck differential +3. What a clown." And Ricky: "Joakim Noah deserves a WoTN special award. How bad was he last night? He almost had a 4 trillion (in 3:58 all he had was one lousy FGA and 2 fouls) and ended up with a +3 suck differential. I mean seriously how is it possible for a 6-11 'energy guy' / center to not even get a rebound in 4 minutes. And if that doesn't boggle the mind, then look at his +/- score: -15! In 4 minutes! That means that, during the period Noah was on the court, the Mavs scored almost eight baskets more than the Bulls. Is a -3.75 per minute average a record? Can we get Hollinger to look at this? This was officialy one of the worst days ever for the Noah family since Yannick Noah sang 'Saga Africa.'"

Update! Bulls fans: I was reminded of this by a comment left by Basketbawful reader your favorite sun. With the game decided, the Bulls decided to dribble out the clock on the last possession of the game. The only problem is that Chicago had scored 98 points...two points short of winning the fans some free food. Denied their free taco excitement, the crowd actually started booing the home team, despite the win. Not nice, people.

However, your favorite sun noted that Bulls play-by-play man Neil Funk stat cursed the team out of scoring 100. "The Bulls play-by-play man deserves a mention. When Chicago got to 98 points with about four minutes left, he mentioned how everyone in the crowd gets a free hamburger or whatever when the team reaches a hundred points. He says, 'They'll get to 100, it's only a matter of when.' The Bulls, of course, went completely scoreless after he said that and finished with 98 points. No freebies for the crowd. He'd been jinxing the Bulls all night, basically guaranteeing that Dallas would go on a spurt every time he ripped their offense. But gypping people out of a free taco or hamburger? That's cold."

Stephen Jackson: "We cant win if I go out and shoot 6-for-20. It's going to be hard for us to win, point blank." So said Captain Jack, who shot 5-for-19 last night.

Rip Hamilton's Yahoo profile picture: Check out the mangy beard. It's like he had the picture taken in the middle of putting on an Abraham Lincoln costume.

Walter Herrmann: He compiled 3 personal fouls -- and nothing else -- in his 2:45 of PT. That's impact. A piece of fuzz falling lightly onto a feather pillow impact, but impact nonetheless. And, as always, it's a bad sign when your player profile only has two pictures of you getting scored on.

Michael Curry: He started Kwame Brown last night. Let me repeat that: He started Kwame Brown. However, he was smart enough to only play him for about nine minutes. So that's something.

Update! Kobe Bryant: He gave his wife a dutch oven. Then he did it to his daughters too.

Update! Michael Jordan: "Don't be mad at me, I'm just too good for you. Y'all think I had this camp just so y'all could beat me?" That's what His Airness said right before he lost a game of one-on-one to Ariel Investments CEO and Chairman John Rogers at his "Flight School" basketball camp back in 2003. Way to stat curse yourself, Mike. (Thanks to Wira for the link.)

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Blogger chris said...
Okay, that Antoine Walker mention once again compels me to link to Northmass's epic Youtube cartoon of Walker's 4-point championship clinching shot. ;)

Anonymous Anonymous said...
I think we have to interpret photo's like the ones on Walter Hermanns playerprofile as the player playing tough defense, or something. That, or the guy in charge of the department of playerphotopicking just doesn't like said player...

Blogger D.Miz said...
It was a good call of Joey...i mean...K-Mart was done for the game and just trying to start trouble. Joey saw it, didn't want to escalate, and got rid of him. This aint hockey brah!

Anonymous Anonymous said...
this doesn't really fit into the whole WoTN thing, but dude u gotta write about steve nash's triple x commercials.

he's faster than sharks, and freakin hilarious.

Blogger tonious35 said...
K-Mart is dating the rapper Trina??
At least if Kenyon does not win the Championship, his consolation prize is his girlfriend's SUPA-BOOTAY! Just check out her Azz-too-Phat video for proof.

Blogger Mintz... said...
Has anyone ever discovered why Daniel Gibson's nickname is Boobie?

Blogger Unknown said...
the second picture of Herrmann is awesome, he's like tied for 4th with Rasheed in terms of people you notice in the pic, also he's pushing Stuckey making sure he won't take his rebound.

Blogger Andrei said...
I was going to post this last night, but then it slipped my mind. This is an entry for Reggie Miller adventures in the English language series. While talking about Sasha Pavlovic's lack of PT, Reggie said something along the lines of: "He's been in Coach Brown's outhouse." Reggie's in my outhouse for not knowing his colloquialisms.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Now in "MR. Mann"s defense, I saw his "playing time" and he was called for 3 tickey-tack fouls in a row. Basically guys were just putting their shoulders down and plowing into him like NFL Linebackers, and then he got called for a foul.

In college or FIBA, those would have been non-calls, but alas, this is the NBA, where Joey Crawford happens.

But back to Walter Herrmann- I can't get a grip on this guy. He's got skills- he was awesome with Argentina in '04, but he can't seem to find his game in the NBA. He's strong, athletic, can shoot well, and has gorgeous flowing blond hair. Despite all of this, his NBA game sucks goat balls. Maybe the Pistons needs to bring Pepe Sanchez on board to play with him so that he doesn't feel so lost. Why does he suck so much? I can't figure it out.

Blogger BigFire said...
Hey, where's my daily Kobe hate comment?

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Even Sir Charles had no problem with throwing Martin out of the game. He had just been T'd up for the exact same thing, and decided to check Varajao, seemed like a good way to prevent what might have ended up a fight in a decided game. Didn't seem that bad a call.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
The Bulls play-by-play man deserves a mention. When Chicago got to 98 points with about four minutes left, he mentioned how everyone in the crowd gets a free hamburger or whatever when the team reaches one hundred points. He says, "They'll get to 100, it's only a matter of when." The Bulls, of course, went completely scoreless after he said that and finished with 98 points. No freebies for the crowd.

He'd been jinxing the Bulls all night, basically guaranteeing that Dallas would go on a spurt every time he ripped their offense. But gypping people out of a free taco or hamburger? That's cold.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
I didn't like how all NBA employees are like...oh NBA refs are the BEST! they're SO GOOD. I mean really?'s like one of the NBA mandates is to always compliment the refs no matter what happens

Blogger DDC said...
I didn't know Kenyon was dating Trina now. That tattoo is going to look even more ridiculous after they break up in a few weeks. Good grief. How whipped do you have to be to get a tattoo like that anyway. Only female pornstars get tattooes like that and you know where a tattoo of that nature is placed. Mark Cuban is going to freak out something horrible VERY soon, and I can't wait for it to happen.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
K-Mart tattoo is absolutely ridiculous. You don't get a tattoo like this even if it's for Gisele.

I think Crawfors's call was lame. He just like to show up more than players.

About Hermann, he's just like every other argentinian: a hard-nosed version of european ballers. I think he's much better than Turiaf, for example, but gets much less praises.

Gotta love guys like Hermann, Nocioni and Manu - the best international player in NBA.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Guys, lets say you are GM of the new brand NBA Team: Seattle Bennetfuckers.

You are going to expansion draft and, of course, Marbury is available.

Would you draft and build around him?

Blogger stephanie g said...
I've been amused that the smooch tattoo has been universally derided by guys everywhere as gay. Unsightly? Tacky? Corny? Embarrassingly awful? Sure. But gay? Really?

Anonymous Anonymous said...
yes i would build around starbury, eddy curry, ´toine and spree..

btw.. someone asked about the boobie nickname. i guess seeing gibson take his shirt off would explain a lot.


baguette: those two are the best international players, period!

Darius Miles is available too

Blogger Drake said...
Shrugz - NBA refs ARE the best refs in the world. But that's only because the refs for every other league suck even more than NBA refs do. So it's really a dubious distinction.

And in the MJ video, John Rogers can definitely ball, but he clearly lifted his pivot foot on his second possession a la Kevin McHale.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
zonker, i guess you are a lakers homer... the spaniard marshmellow and the vending machine? really?

I was trying to be sarcastic there.
Just read those two are going to have a radio show together and that they are such good buds, almost like inseparable.

Blogger Max Czapanskiy said...
I know you don't do college basketball much, but I was looking at ESPN's pre-season picks for All-Americans, and Jon Brockman's picture cracked me up ( Between his crossed eyes and underbite, it looks like he's either the product of some very dedicated inbreeding or he just got kicked in the nuts.

Blogger Basketbawful said...
chris -- I'm so gonna use that...

geert -- I think it's more like, "We only have TWO photos of that guy? Guess we'll go with those two, then."

d.miz -- It's hard for me to believe Joey ever makes a good call.

afiq -- Those are amazing. I haven't quite figured out how I'm gonna use them. But I will.

tonius35 -- And, lucky for him, he's out with injury so much they have plenty of time to spend planning his next tattoo (I'm guessing her name in caligraphy or a pair of her panties.)

mints... -- Here's how Gibson described it: "It's something that my mom gave me. When I was little I liked to play with the big guys, and I used to get beat up a lot, and I used to come in the house crying and so she kinda called me 'cry baby booby,' it all kind of ran together."

anthony -- That's big German IMPACT, baby.

andrei -- Oooo...gonna have to add that.

ak dave -- I think he's just going to end up as another one of those Euro players whose game doesn't translate to the NBA for whatever reason.

bigfire -- Corrected.

anonymous #1 -- The fact that Chuck was okay with it shows how removed he's becoming from the game. Seriously, how could Sir Charles, of all people, agree that Martin should have been ejected for a hard foul? The dude spit in a little girl's face once!

your favorite sun -- Added.

shrugz -- Gotta support the company line, you know.

ddc -- Yeah. I'll be interested to see if he has the tattoo transformed into something cool after the breakup, like Mr. T's fist exploding out of his neck.

baguete -- Man, if I could get Curry and Starbury, I'm not sure I'd need to field any other players. Although I might try to lure Greg Ostertag out of retirement...

stephanie g -- Look, it's gay. Not "I think he's going to start having sex with men" gay -- which, hey, if it's his thing, more power too him -- but gay in the sense that it is incredibly fruity.

anonymous #2 -- Hey, maybe we could unretire Michael Adams, too!

zonker -- Ah, good call on Miles.

drake -- Dude. They were using "McHale Rules." You get a second pivot foot.

maxczap -- Holy geez. I vote for "inbreeding" AND "kicked in the nuts."

Anonymous Anonymous said...
that video was pretty funny the way MJ says oh no right before the layup goes in. Then Damon Wayans teases him a bit. Hey Bawful just out of curiosity, do you hate the movie Celtic Pride?

Anonymous Anonymous said...
The dutch oven! OOOhhhhh dude! That's EVIL!

MJ getting tooled by a hairy desk jockey- I love it. That guy had a mean drive to the left, though. I bet he'd beat a lot of people... in a game to 3.

Blogger Wild Yams said...
Let's be honest: whether someone likes the Celtics or not really should have little to do with whether they hate Celtic Pride. That movie was a mess that is only enjoyable in an ironic way.

Naturally I saw in theaters.

Definitely the best part of that movie is when they run into Larry Bird in the club and Larry tells Dan Aykroyd and Daniel Stern they need to learn a little something about loyalty but pronounces it "lowell-tee". How can a guy who was such a fierce and feared competitor come across as such a boob whenever he's in a movie? See Space Jam or Blue Chips for more evidence of Larry's theatrical boobery.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
End of the first quarter of the Celtics game and Ray Allen has exploded with 18 points on 6-7 shooting. I already feel so guilty for insulting him that I nominate myself for Wotn

Blogger Lu said...
how about the pistons-warriors game where the great duel between walter hermann (3 min, 3 fouls) and marcus williams (4 min, 0-1 fg, 1 to) too place?

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Thus shall not forget Josh Childress. He is supposed to be a superstar in euroleague. Well, last night he pulled 4 points, 1/5 shooting, 5 turnovers in 23 minutes. Childressopolous ranking was -2.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Don't you mean favorite "son?"

Anonymous Anonymous said...
This is a bit belated but during the Denver-Cleveland game, in the last three minutes or so of the fourth Reggie Miller said "deepthroat" when he meant to say "deep three".