I might have found the most 'bawful NBA-related Christmas gift of all. A site called HumorousT-shirts, which specializes in "funny t-shirts with jokes, quotes and slogans," provides a category called Basketball Quotes. For a mere $16.99 (plus S&H), you can have one of their pre-selected quotes emblazoned on a cheap white or gray t-shirt. (Note that the gray t-shirt costs an extra $3 for some reason. Possibly because it deflects cosmic rays.)

Warning: Actual t-shirt will not look this cool.
Here's how HumorousT-shirts.com describes this very special offering:

"Basketball quotes on t-shirts will make your obnoxiously tall friends burst out in laughter. The basketball quotes on these tees are from the most famous names in the game. So, show a little respect and buy a few funny t-shirts with famous basketball quotes on them and then show yourself off to the whole gang."

You know, I've been looking for something that would bring some LOLs into the life of my obnoxiously tall friends. All none of them. Oh, and those "most famous names in the game" include such basketball immortals as Nik Posa ("A tough day at the office is even tougher when your OFFICE contains spectator seating."), Dan Frisby ("Basketball is like photography, if you don't focus, all you have is the negative."), Shannon Fish ("If you are going to take it to the bank, then you better cash it in.") and the mysterious Author Unknown ("My responsibility is getting all my players playing for the name on the front of the jersey, not the one on the back."

For me, though, the real hook was the quote at the bottom of the page, under the heading "Hear what the athletes are saying about our t-shirt with basketball quotes."

"Yo, dude, these represent the finest basketball quotes from the biggest names in the history of the game. Do some respecting and buy some t-shirts with these great basketball quotes on them. Don't be a fool and act real cool, when you're not. Only these funny basketball quotes on these t-shirts will make you halfway cool. The other half you have to do on your own." - Larry Bird

Uh huh. If Larry Bird really said that, I'll use my 1986 World Champion Boston Celtics replica banner as a table cloth. Oops. I do that already. Never mind.

Labels: cheap products, Christmas list, quotes, t-shirts

Well...Boston was a nice place...

I was a little, shall we say, confused by a statement LeBron made in the preview for tonight's Cavs-Celtics game: "I know I've improved five times than I was in Game 7 of the Boston series."

Forget the clumsy sentence structure -- the kid didn't go to college, after all -- and let's concentrate on the math instead. Five times better than this game, LeBron? Really?! Well I, for one, cannot wait to watch King James drop a 225-point, 25-rebound, 30-assist bomb on the greater Boston area. (I do mean a metaphorical bomb, by the way.) Still, I can't help but wonder how LeBron could have possibly gotten so much better during the offseason. Especially since he couldn't even win a game of HORSE against a 26-year-old warehouse worker during that time.

Tomorrow: Worst of the Night returns!

Labels: atomic explosions, Lebron James, megalomania, quotes

Labels: quotes, The Tao of Ron Artest

Labels: quotes, Ron Artest, The Tao of Ron Artest, wit and wisdom

This classic line from Darryl Dawkins makes me greatly fear for the safety of every toilet on Planet Lovetron: "I didn't mean to destroy it. It was the power, the Chocolate Thunder. I could feel it surging through my body, fighting to get out. I had no control over it."

Believe it or not, this is George Gervin's response to the same event: "I started to rush in to help out. Then I saw Double D cock the ball behind his head. I got the hell out of there. I knew what was coming. I had seen his Kansas City act on the TV replay. In slow motion. It was scary." Don't feel bad, George. You're not the first man to run from the Chocolate Thunder.

Please tell me I'm not the only one who laughed out loud reading these quotes (which are from NBA.com by the way). If you want to know what Sir Slam and the Iceman were really talking about, watch this video. It's the number three (and not, as you might suspect, number two).

Labels: Darryl Dawkins, dunks, George Gervin, Out of Contexts, poop humor, quotes

This is a Larry Bird tribute that aired right before the Celtics faced the Bulls in the first round of the 1986 NBA playoffs. Based on this quote from the end of the video, I'm not surprised Larry wasn't asked to take part in the NBA All-Star Stay In School Jam.

"If I was spendin' time in high school readin' my homework, and readin' the books, and working on different things scholastically instead of thinkin' about basketball all the time, where would I be? I don't think I'd be making the money I'm making now, so I'm happy with what I'm doin'."

Wow. At least Charles Barkley said up front that he wasn't a role model. Anyway, the video also has a great cameo by Doc Rivers and a classic quote from an unnamed opponent: "Trying to stop Larry Bird is like trying to put a harness on the wind; you just can't do it." Now who in the 80s would have said something like that?

Update: I couldn't help wondering who the anonymous opponent was. What kind of hardwood poet/philosopher would say something so moving, so beautiful, about an ugly hick from Indiana who's really good at playing basketball. Well, I have the answer: Mel Daniels. Here's the actual quote, from a Jack McCallum article, As Nearly Perfect As You Can Get, written on March 3, 1986: "Trying to get a book on Larry Bird is like trying to get a harness on the wind. You come up with nothing."

Labels: Boston Celtics, Charles Barkley, Doc Rivers, Larry Bird, quotes, tributes

After the New York Knicks built a 3-1 series lead against the Los Angeles Lakers in the 1973 NBA Finals, the Lakers' team physician, Dr. Robert Kerlan, uttered -- as Wilt Chamberlain put it -- one of the classic lines in sports history:

"The pressure is all on the Knicks. They have to win one game."

It sounded crazy at the time, and it turned out to be just as looney as it sounded, because the Knicks closed out the series with a 102-93 win in Game 5. But maybe Kerlan was pulling a Nostradamus and looking ahead 34 years to the Bulls/Pistons series. After taking a 3-0 lead, the Pistons only needed one more game to finish off the Bulls. Two games later, they still need that one game.

Do I still think the Pistons will win this series? Absolutely. But they aren't doing themselves any favors. Their businesslike approach helped them polish off the Orlando Magic in short order, and it helped them build a nice cushion in this series, but...where's the sense of urgency? The killer instinct? Those a qualities that are absolutely necessary for a team to win a championship. So even if they win, you really have to question their chances going forward.

Labels: Chicago Bulls, Detroit Pistons, Los Angeles Lakers, NBA playoffs, New York Knicks, quotes, Wilt Chamberlain